When a young mother realizes that she now has the responsibility of caring for a tiny baby, in addition to warm feelings towards the newborn, women experience real fears.
It’s good when a new mother has a confident husband, adequate grandmothers or friends who can support and reassure her, but what if not? Some mothers are prevented from enjoying motherhood by fear for their child; they panic and don’t know how and what to do with a screaming child! Stop panicking, because in just a few days you will return to normal and begin to handle your baby calmly and professionally. Let's look at the most common fears of young mothers and figure out how to cope with them.
Three main fears and ways to deal with them
One of the most common fears is fear of holding a newborn baby in your arms. In this situation, you need to realize that one way or another, you still have to do it. Mom needs to relax and rely on maternal instinct; in fact, the baby is not so fragile, not a single normal woman would drop her own child and would be able to pick him up in her arms. the right way! Trust nature and just take your firstborn, enjoying its smell.
The child is hungry all the time and does not have enough milk. This is the second most popular fear for a child; unfortunately, many women begin to take this situation to the point of absurdity, weigh the baby before and after each feeding, start formula feeding and, as a result, completely abandon breastfeeding.
Of course, there are situations when, due to serious problems By women's health it is necessary to transfer the child to formula feeding, but this rarely happens, and in most cases the transfer to artificial feeding occurs due to unnecessary panic. A young mother needs to relax, be alone with her newborn and put him to her breast as many times as necessary.
It is so laid down by nature that the baby will take exactly as much milk as his body needs at his current age. When you are a month old, you will see a weight gain during a routine examination, but there is no need to panic here if it is not very large, it is necessary to take into account individual characteristics the child’s body, its constitution, one must understand that with medium-sized parents, the child will not gain as much as stated in the norms.
Three groundless fears
If baby cries all the time, mothers also begin to get upset and think that they are doing something wrong. Understand that crying is the only way, with which a little person can still attract the attention of his mother, so he cries when he is hungry, went to the toilet, he is cold or hot, in a word, for any reason. Well, a couple of days will be enough for mom to understand the reason for this or that crying and eliminate it in a matter of seconds.
Fear of bathing a baby- is also one of the most popular among young parents, it becomes especially complicated if. Here you need to gain a little experience, if the mother herself is afraid to carry out the first water procedures with the baby, call your husband for help and with just four hands you will probably quickly make your baby clean in a matter of minutes.
Some mothers worry that baby can get cold quickly and therefore they wrap him in several layers of diapers. However, you should not overdo it with clothes, because overheating can have a much worse effect on your skin. children's body. It is believed that the optimal temperature for a child is 20 degrees; hang a thermometer in the room, ventilate the room more often and do not overheat the baby.
What else are young mothers afraid of?
Fear for the child's health before diapers As a rule, young mothers are inspired by the older generation of women. There is no need to panic and suffer with a thousand diapers, now any mother is able to choose diapers to suit her “taste”, she just needs to do air baths more often. Diapers make life much easier for parents, so you shouldn’t stop using them.
Fear that something can happen in a baby's sleep sometimes makes young mothers run to the crib every few minutes, tormenting themselves sleepless nights and not allowing anything to be done during the day. Of course, such cases occur, but their percentage is negligible. But what if mom tortures herself all the time? bad thoughts And constant fears for the life of the child, the baby will sleep anxiously, so you need to set yourself up for the positive and calmly perceive the time when the baby is sleeping.
And almost every young mother thinks that she is a “bad” mother, wife and housewife, since she has absolutely no time to do anything. Believe me, it’s just a matter of time and self-organization; it won’t be long before you start managing cooking, caring for your baby, and you’ll also have time to spend half an hour on yourself.
There is nothing complicated about how to get rid of fear for your child: try to invent various fears for yourself less, drive away bad thoughts out of your head, and life with your baby will open up a completely different world for you, full of new impressions, emotions and the joy of motherhood! You just need to get used to the fact that your family is now growing small child, accept it and learn to live with it.
Imagine that today you found out that you are pregnant. You didn’t plan this and didn’t expect it, but what feelings overcome you in at the moment? You are scared, you are shocked and appalled, confused and don’t know what will happen next. Many people automatically give up on their studies, career, recreation and personal happiness. But at the same time, it is very unpleasant for you to think that these are the feelings that cause you unborn child. After all, by default, a child should bring happiness. We hasten to reassure you. The same emotions overcome half of women.
If you are not one of those lucky women who blossom at the news of your pregnancy and look forward to changes in your life, then this article is for you. There are many myths that instill fear in women, despite the fact that our original purpose is to give. new life regardless of the circumstances. We will try to dispel your fear and bring some certainty into your life.
If you are sure that the child requires a lot of financial investments, which you cannot afford at the moment... In fact, the most expensive investments are not diapers and a crib for the baby, although this, of course, is also important. The most important thing is your health and the health of your child. Of course, money will be tight, since only your significant other will be able to earn money. However, it is absolutely not necessary to buy expensive overseas fruits and vegetables in order to supply your body with useful substances; branded clothes for the baby and a crib. You can find cheaper options without harming yourself.
If you are afraid of losing your job... Of course, maternity leave means that you will have to stay at home for some time, at least during childbirth and the first time after it. You can perceive maternity leave as a time of stagnation, or you can perceive it as a time for self-improvement and self-education. And, having returned to your previous place of work, achieve high results. In addition, by having a child, you will increase your value in the eyes of your employer compared to young girls without children. If necessity forces you to work almost immediately after the birth of a child, hire a qualified mother, ask your husband to take time off, or ask relatives for help. There will always be options.
If you are afraid of completely losing your figure... Looking at young mothers who, after giving birth, have gained a certain amount of kilograms and have not lost weight, you can easily fall into panic. We assure you that getting in shape after childbirth is easier than it seems. Only in isolated cases is it difficult to lose weight due to serious hormonal imbalances. Everything else is connivance and lack of willpower. In addition, watch your diet during pregnancy, this will determine whether you will recover after childbirth or not.
If you are afraid that you will not make a good mother... This fear is completely far-fetched. Try reading the revelations of women on forums: as soon as you take your baby in your hands, all worries and worries will fade into the background. Women have love for their child in their blood, and you cannot harm him.
As you can see, the most basic fears before having children are too far-fetched. Everything is much simpler. Pregnancy is great time in order to feel a real woman. And even if the pregnancy is unplanned, it means it was meant to happen, and you are just lucky! After all, millions of women will never be able to experience the joys of motherhood...
Guard: The crisis is not losing ground and finding a job today is as difficult as it was a year ago. However, it is worth knowing that there are vacancies in Volgograd, you just need to know where to look for job offers, writes
(4 votes: 5 out of 5)Most women greet the news of pregnancy with joy and trepidation. Many of them say that the period of waiting for a child was the happiest in their lives. However, many women, being pregnant, simultaneously joyfully experience a lot of fears that are characteristic only of pregnant women. For them, pregnancy is a period of anxiety and various fears.
A state of anxiety and mental stress is undesirable for a woman expecting a child. Such emotional background negatively affects physical health: immunity decreases, they can “catch on” various diseases or worsen chronic; worries take a lot of energy, so there will be less of it left for childbirth; a child who feels great anxiety mothers, may be born nervous and loud. Moreover, high level anxiety can lead to increased uterine tone and miscarriage.
What are pregnant women afraid of?
Most main fear, tormenting expectant mothers, this fear of losing a child. This is especially true for those women whose previous pregnancy ended in miscarriage or death of the child during childbirth. For some of them, fear can reach such a point that they lose sleep, constantly listening to what is happening to them. You can calm yourself down only by abstracting yourself from the flow of negativity that hits us from everywhere. If someone had something bad, then the same fate will not necessarily befall you, even if you belong to a risk group. If the previous pregnancy ended sadly, this does not mean at all that this one will end the same way.
Fear of deviations in child development. To this fear we must be grateful to the means mass media and ubiquitous girlfriends. Someone once joked that pregnant women should be given a free set of earplugs. In fact, there will always be an informed friend/neighbor/relative in their circle, stuffed with all sorts of horror stories about pregnant women and ready to spread them to the expectant mother from morning to night. These are endless stories with the force of “But this one drank/smoked/danced and she had a sick child,” which greatly gets on the nerves of the expectant mother. The only method get rid of annoying storytellers - explain to them that it’s unpleasant for you to listen to these stories, turn around and leave.
Fear of childbirth. Even women giving birth to their second or third child are susceptible to fear of childbirth. This fear is natural, because childbirth is a difficult ordeal for a woman and for a newborn baby. Because childbirth by and large- a lottery, no one knows how it will end. The fear of labor pain is also natural, a person with normal psyche seeks to avoid pain; only masochists are not afraid of it. You should approach childbirth from the perspective of “no birth lasts forever.” At modern development In medicine, doctors have many opportunities to alleviate a woman’s labor pain; this help should not be rejected. You also need to think about the fact that you share the hardships of childbirth with your child, who experiences a lot of stress during contractions and pushing, who literally has to go through a difficult path to the light of God, and your task is to make it easier for him to pass this path.
Fear of becoming unattractive to your spouse. Some women are very worried about the changes happening to their body: the belly is growing, extra pounds, the face becomes blurred, the gait changes, and age spots may appear on the face. And now it’s not an elegant girl with a flying gait who moves around the apartment, but a clumsy “barrel”. However, as life shows, the vast majority of men perceive these changes quite adequately, and many men, on the contrary, find pregnant women attractive. Husbands understand perfectly well that their spouse has changed because she is carrying a child, this usually makes them more careful towards her.
As it turns out, many expectant mothers suffer from fear of being unprepared for motherhood, that is, simply put, to turn out to be a bad mother “I don’t know how to do anything!” I don’t even know how to approach the child!” - If they don’t complain, then such women think about themselves. To get rid of such thoughts, you should free time Devote your vacation before giving birth to reading literature on child care, perhaps enroll in courses for young mothers, where they will teach you how to swaddle, change diapers, and talk about the basics of child care. And, of course, do not neglect the help of grandmothers and experienced friends.
Of course, it is not easy to get rid of fears. Great value The woman’s character, the family situation, the attitude of those close to her pregnancy, and the level of anxiety with which the woman began her pregnancy play a role in the development of fears. It should be taken into account that pregnant women, due to their position, change their hormonal levels, and this also contributes to the development of nervousness, irritability, and fears. But this does not mean that everything should be left to chance. For a believing woman, the period of pregnancy is a period of special appeal to God, the Mother of God, and the patron saints. Surrendering oneself to the hands of God helps to get rid of many worries. For those who do not feel strong enough to cope with their fears on their own, a psychologist will help.
ABC of education
Most parents constantly experience a certain amount of worry about their children: whether they will fall off the swing while walking in the kindergarten whether they will get home safely from school, whether their classmates will offend them. Such phobias are absolutely normal for all mothers and fathers. However, sometimes anxiety turns into real pathology.
When does fear become a disease?
It is not fathers who fear most for their children. And this is understandable: maternal instinct is one of the strongest. But the fears of some mothers for the health and lives of their children sometimes take on incredible proportions. Women don't sleep at night, listening to see if their babies are breathing, don't buy bicycles for their sons in case they fall, don't let girls visit their girlfriends, imagining how a maniac will attack them along the way. A variety of creepy pictures that paints them rich imagination, I don’t even want to describe it.
The driving force of fear
No matter how much the ladies prove that the source of their fear is a world hostile to the baby, in fact, their own fears are to blame. Most common cause the appearance of unreasonable anxiety is psychological trauma which she suffered in childhood or during adult life mother herself.
Most often, such anxiety is experienced by persons who were unable to cope with the dawning awareness in childhood own death. Now that yesterday's cowards themselves have become adults, this horror is projected onto their children.
This phobia also affects women who have already lost their babies. It doesn’t matter whether it was a miscarriage, or an accident happened to the baby after birth. Having found happiness again, mothers begin to tremble over it.
Ladies who overprotect their children may also be afraid of feelings own guilt. At the same time, they are afraid not of what will happen to their babies, but of their emotions in the event of an irreparable loss.
Consequences of a phobia
The first thing you need to remember is the fact that constant trembling for the little one only affects him negatively. Fearing for their child, some fathers and mothers surround him with excessive care, which entails the formation of many unnecessary qualities in the offspring. Looking at his frightened parents, the little man understands that the world around him can bring him nothing but harm. The child becomes unsure of himself, withdrawn, overly suspicious, and incapable of independent actions. It is clear that all these traits only hinder him in life.
How to overcome yourself?
In order to overcome pathological trepidation for your child, you must first of all look inside yourself. By recognizing that you are the cause of this fear in the first place, you will take the first step towards recovery. Understand yourself and your fears, and the excitement will fade away.
Most often, parents suffering from such problems have no interests in life other than their family members. If this is indeed the case, try to separate yourself from your offspring. Better take care of yourself: start dancing or meditating, go fishing or pick mushrooms, meet new people. Understand that your life is not limited to motherhood or fatherhood.
In addition, for your own peace of mind, have regular conversations with your blood. Moreover, not only about the fact that “you can’t leave someone else’s uncle’s yard,” but also about the interests little man, his friends, studies. This is how trust is born. Exactly trusting relationship, and not horror, are necessary to ensure that a tragedy does not actually happen to a son or daughter. Children tend to hide many things from their parents, and especially from such fearful ones. After all, it’s moms and dads like these who often shout into the phone: “Why haven’t you picked up the phone for so long? We almost had a heart attack!” Of course, talking to people who just throw tantrums all the time is not fun for anyone.
How to get rid of the fear of pregnancy when you sincerely want to become a mother, but the slightest suspicion that you are pregnant plunges you into fear panic horror? How to overcome fears during pregnancy, how to overcome the fear of childbirth, an incredibly painful and painful process?
This article is for those who definitely want to find the answer to the question: how to get rid of fears during pregnancy? Because the answer to this question exists!
Pregnancy can (and should!) be the most touching, unforgettably wonderful period of life. All you have to do is get rid of fear...
Our fears during pregnancy, how to get rid of them
“My husband wants a child. I want him myself, maybe even more than one. Almost all my friends have toddlers, and I see that motherhood brings them happiness. I'm even jealous. But I’m terribly afraid of getting pregnant, I’m terribly afraid. I'm afraid of a huge belly and a duck's gait, I'm afraid that it will be difficult for me to walk. I'm afraid of stretch marks, they terribly disfigure the body, I'm afraid of sagging skin, sagging. I'm afraid of ruining my figure and getting old. I'm afraid to dial excess weight... In a word, I don’t know how to get rid of the fear of pregnancy, because I love children and want to have them.”
“Instead of enjoying my pregnancy, I'm going crazy with fears. I'm afraid of everything. I'm afraid that I won't deliver, I'm afraid that something will go wrong. I'm afraid that the child will be born unhealthy, or will be injured during childbirth, and I will always be the nanny of a disabled child. I’m afraid in the first months after giving birth that the child will cry at night, and in general that I won’t be able to cope with parenting. When I share my fears with loved ones, with doctors, they smile and say that no one has ever been pregnant - everyone has gone through this. Someone is trying to convince you that everything will be fine. But no one tells you how to overcome the fear of childbirth. I read many articles with advice on how to deal with fears during pregnancy. But for some reason this doesn’t calm me down. The longer the period, the more painful my fear. I wake up at night in horror and often fall into hysterics. It feels like I'll go crazy before giving birth. I still haven’t figured out how to get rid of fears during pregnancy.”
“I’m about to give birth. What I didn’t do to prepare myself for this event and stop being afraid of childbirth. And I went to courses for expectant mothers, and read a ton of literature about it, and persuaded my husband to go with me to give birth. But my fear did not go away; on the contrary, it intensified to the point of horror. How to cope with the fear of childbirth?
“I always thought that pregnancy was wonderful, that I would enjoy this condition and enjoy it every day for 9 months. Instead, I’m not just tormented by fears - it’s already turned into some kind of paranoia. The doctors claim that everything is fine with the tests, that everything is fine with the child, but it seems to me (no, I’m sure!) that something is wrong. And most importantly, I don’t know how to cope with the fear of childbirth - I break out in a cold sweat when I start thinking about what I’ll have to go through.”.
“I am constantly in tension, my imagination constantly pictures the horrors of upcoming events, it seems to me that everything will go very badly. I am afraid of dying during childbirth, I am afraid of losing my child, I am afraid that I will be in unbearable pain. I know myself well, from fear and pain I will definitely panic during childbirth, and then everything will definitely go wrong. Now it’s vitally important for me to understand how to get rid of the fear of labor before giving birth, otherwise it could end badly.”.
Fear instead of the joy of upcoming motherhood. The horror of expecting something bad, fatal, maybe even lethal, makes life unbearable.
How to overcome the fear of childbirth and get rid of fear forever
To understand how to overcome the fear of childbirth, first let’s understand what fear is. Where does this monster come from, which takes over the thoughts and feelings of its victim, tortures it, and does not let it out of its tenacious clutches?
Fear is acute negative experience which causes unpleasant mental stress. Intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, various phobias, extreme fear, from which it seems you can go crazy - only one category of people is susceptible to such conditions. These are people with. The most sensitive and receptive, emotional and tearful, sometimes hysterical, prone to panicking, taking everything to heart and constantly “making mountains out of molehills.” Do you recognize yourself?
So here it is. No matter what fears we experience during pregnancy - whether it is the fear of losing attractiveness for a partner (and for men in general), or fear of pain, fear of death or fear of loss, fear of responsibility or fear of upcoming difficulties - the root of these fears is always one. No recipes, recommendations, exhortations or persuasion will help cope with fears, because fears are a consequence of certain conditions. And the causes of these states are hidden in the unconscious.
That is, even if we purely theoretically assume that you managed to understand how to overcome the fear of childbirth, that you coped with it, another fear will definitely take its place. For example, that something terrible will happen to a newborn child, some kind of misfortune (this happened to me once). And you will start going crazy because of this. Fear will find new and new reasons to torment you, will interfere with your life, wake you up at night, make you hysterical, take away the joy of life, bring suffering... As long as they exist internal reasons fear, he will never leave the life of his victim.
There is a method that allows you to understand the causes of fear, extract them from the unconscious, after which fear will forever stop poisoning your life - this is systemic psychoanalysis.
With the help of systemic psychoanalysis (which, by the way, occurs for all participants in the training on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan), we dive into a deep understanding of our mental nature and we begin to understand the causes of all negative, painful conditions that interfere with life. Here, the expectant mother will not only find the answer to the question of how to overcome the fear of childbirth and other fears of pregnant women (more precisely, the fears will go away on their own, and you won’t have to fight them). She will discover much more invaluable knowledge that will allow her to look into the future with joy, confidence and optimism.
The expectant mother is guaranteed to receive information on how to raise a child in the best way for him, without traumatizing, and maximally developing what is given to him by nature. How to understand your baby, interact with him correctly, give him a happy childhood and ensure a prosperous future where he can realize himself. How to avoid fatal mistakes in parenting and their severe consequences. How to ensure the best climate in the family for your baby, mutual understanding with him and get 100% happiness from your motherhood.
Evidence of this is my results:
You can evaluate the power of systemic psychoanalysis completely free of charge at the introductory lectures on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. To register, you just need.
The article was written based on the training materials “ System-vector psychology»
