I first started hearing opinions that I was a beautiful girl just a couple of years ago. All my childhood I dreamed of hearing such words from my peers, maybe if I had heard them, life would have turned out differently, because how highly we value ourselves is reflected in all aspects of our existence.
My story
I remember how I came to my mother and listed to her the things I didn’t like about my appearance. The list, let me tell you, was quite impressive. Here I have thin lips (I have medium ones), thin hair (my hair is of good thickness), and lack of a waist (now I constantly hear compliments on my figure) and crooked legs (honestly, I literally haven’t taken off short skirts for 2 years now) , and there’s nothing to say about teeth!
In general, I had plenty of complexes. Of course, my mother tried to convince me, but I knew for sure that parents cannot evaluate their child objectively and for them he is always the most beautiful.
Almost all the girls around me added fuel to the fire of my self-doubt, considering themselves the right to express their opinion about my appearance and considering themselves much more spectacular than the gray mouse - me. Now I understand that all this was done only to elevate myself against my background, but then I suffered a lot and believed that with such an appearance my life would definitely not work out. Who needs me to be so ugly?!
Having entered the university and finding myself in a completely new environment, I was somewhat shocked that boys were paying attention to me (the university was a naval university and most of the students were future sailors). I literally pushed away the idea that anyone might like me. While my peers had already “changed” several boyfriends, I didn’t even understand how to react to compliments.
It was then - at the age of 17 - that I realized that this couldn’t continue like this, that I wouldn’t be able to build a normal life if I treated myself like that! I started reading books and articles on getting rid of the ugly duckling complex and this is what I came to.
How to get rid of the ugly duckling complex?
It is very important to forget the phrase “I don’t like myself!” and try to think about yourself in a positive way, concentrate on your own strengths. But what to do if you can’t find any positive qualities in yourself? Just improve self-esteem:
- Stop being too hard on yourself. Cut yourself some slack;
- Never compare yourself to others and remember that every person has their own strengths and weaknesses;
- Try to look at life through the prism of optimism. Even if only small joys happen at the moment, rejoice in them too;
- Always try to become more attractive than you are today. Do not spare money on a new set of underwear, on a good cream and on the services of a hairdresser;
- If you still have some objective shortcomings, such as excess weight, also try to cope with it. Start attending fitness classes, a gym or yoga;
- If your complexes concern your appearance, think about whether you can change something without the help of a plastic surgeon. For example, an overly large nose can be balanced with slightly fuller lips. Change your makeup, hairstyle, hair color and clothing style. This should boost your self-esteem;
- Cheer yourself up. Of course, friends, hobbies, new acquaintances and trips to interesting places will come to the rescue;
- Learn to repel “well-wishers” who criticize you and thereby assert themselves. To any tactless and offensive remark, respond: “And I want my nose/lips/eyes/etc. like!".
- Always notice the compliments you receive. Don't brush aside nice words. But try to notice only positive comments, and just ignore the negative ones.
These simple rules helped me a lot and really raised my self-esteem a little. Of course, I am still tormented by the ugly duckling complex, but I think that over time it will completely disappear.
As I became more confident in myself, I began to do a lot better. Something has become easier. What now? Do I consider myself attractive? Yes, I think and believe that the people telling me about this are sincere. Maybe I don’t believe it 100%, but I believe it.
Even my “friends,” who poked me at my shortcomings at school, noted at the last alumni meeting that I had changed. I don’t think, of course, that my external changes are to blame for this; rather, now real self-confidence emanates from me, which is what others notice.
Have you ever had an ugly duckling complex? Has he had a big impact on your life? What helped you get rid of it?
They say that even the most beautiful woman often doubts her beauty. But a man with a paunch, a bald head and three days of stubble is always damn irresistible! And this is understandable. Girls (unlike boys) are taught to doubt their appearance from childhood. Once again they are reprimanded about their untidiness, awkward gait, and disheveled braids.
And it’s not bad when adults don’t go too far. But what if they did bend it? If you bend a stick, it will break. If a girl is scolded and reprimanded every day, she will acquire an “ugly duckling” complex.
I recently counseled a woman who was convinced that she was incapable of becoming beautiful. We have sorted out the problem in every detail, and I am sure that this article will be useful even to beautiful women, since even very beautiful women suffer from this complex, and it does not bring any benefit to anyone...
“As far as I can remember, I almost never had beautiful fashionable clothes, I always felt worse in this regard compared to my peers. Our family did not live richly, and we had four parents - all girls. Of course, it was difficult for my parents , and they themselves did not dress in any special way. When I thought about your question, I remembered the feelings with which I had to go to any kind of special events with my parents - guests, weddings with relatives or friends, etc. there was a terrible feeling that you were dressed poorly compared to others, but you definitely had to go there. Then I went to parties at school or college with similar feelings, and there I got the impression that the boys didn’t notice me, and then. guys - others are invited to dance, but it’s like I’m invisible, I’m not there... And I wasn’t particularly good at dancing..."
First, a person has an IDEA about himself, and then he will always find justification for this idea in his life. He will erase everything that does not fit this idea or somehow refutes it from his memory; and everything that confirms it will be savored throughout your life.
But this is just an idea, a phantom, a mind game.
I once advised a woman who always believed that she was “somehow different” and no one ever liked her. She found thousands of reasons for this. But as she began to describe her biography, she remembered how in the fifth grade a very handsome boy offered her friendship, but she was so embarrassed (of herself, a good-for-nothing) that she ignored his offer. Then, in the eighth grade, another most handsome boy even invited her to visit and treated her to tea and cake. Naturally, she didn’t go to him anymore. Complexes...
It turned out that she was NORMAL, and even very ATTRACTIVE, but since she considered herself the “Ugly Duckling”, she did not notice it. So she lived until she was thirty-five years old with the conviction that she had never attracted anyone.
But she could have gotten married successfully and found a better job... And in exams, personal charm is also a useful thing. Eh!
It’s the same with our heroine: she decided that no one wanted to notice her - and she was simply always looking for confirmation of this. Well, she tried to behave in such a way that no one would notice her. She has branded herself “invisible” and lives with it. And the fact that it brings a lot of inconvenience is nothing, it will be tolerated, because it is so difficult for us to give up old habits. But this doesn’t mean that we have to live with them all our lives?!
“For some time I even decided for myself that I probably don’t remember people, that they don’t see me. Therefore, I never knew whether to greet this or that person: I look like I know him, but he or she probably doesn’t remember me, although we move in the same society... At the same time, I was never a homebody, I studied in a music studio, went to different clubs. Everywhere I had good, human, friendly relations, you can even. to say, a certain authority. And in this I also saw some kind of dissonance, inconsistency: on the one hand, they value me and are happy to communicate, but on the other hand, they don’t notice that if a woman doesn’t have makeup on her lips, then when she goes out. , she feels naked. For me, it’s exactly the opposite: if my eyelashes are painted, then it seems to me that everyone around is looking at me... I didn’t want to “be a woman.” At the same time, I didn’t want to be a boy - no. I had a braid, I wore skirts, etc. But I was somehow different, or so it seemed to me..."
In Andersen's fairy tale, the ugly duckling, realizing that others did not like him, decided to hide from them and live alone.
From childhood they explained to the ugly duckling that he was not beautiful, wrong, ugly. If you constantly tell a person that he is a pig, he will grunt. If you tell a girl that she is ugly, she will look for confirmation of this all her life. Your parents also told you this, plus, you yourself found a lot of evidence that you are not beautiful. So you decided to focus on your problem.
In the fairy tale, the ugly duckling was lucky: when he grew up, he met beautiful swans who were happy to see him - and all his problems were solved on their own.
Everything is different in people's lives. First, they need to understand the essence of their problem, identify the roots of its occurrence, forgive their failures, and not look for people who will appreciate, understand and admire you. You are not an ugly duckling - you are human. And you can begin to love yourself, enjoy your opportunities in life and realize them.
To get out of the “ugly duckling” scenario, you cannot hide from your problems and hope for a miracle that somehow you yourself will one day become a beautiful swan, meet other beautiful swans - and you will be happy. If you continue to live according to this scenario, you risk remaining an ugly duckling who is always hiding from his problems.
“My figure is somewhere between an hourglass and a rectangle. I’m not overweight. If you think about it, many of my peers may envy me in this matter - after all, in March I will be 48 years old. Problem areas: slightly long arms and protruding ears. The last thing is the biggest problem of my youth and youth."
In Japan, protruding ears are considered a sign of beauty and sexuality in a woman. That's why there are many models with such ears.
If a woman considers this a drawback, then, as a rule, she wears her hair loose. Not necessarily short hair. You can make yourself light curls. I have a friend who has had this hairstyle all her life. She already has a habit: she woke up in the morning and turned on the hot rollers. This hairstyle is relevant at any age, and, by the way, men consider it the most beautiful and feminine.
“From childhood until I was twenty, I wore my hair braided. You wrote that it was beautiful for a woman, but in my case it was a problem - my ears were visible. What was especially terrible was that when I was worried or people paid attention to me - they turned red, and it seemed to me that they were becoming even more noticeable. Around the age of twenty, I cut my hair (due to hair loss, the braid became too thin), but the habit of having my hair tied up remained, and I began to wear my hair in a ponytail. Only after enrolling in your course did I decide to change my hairstyle, but only partially - I cover my ears with my hair, and then I gather my hair into a knot at the back of my head. I understand that my head is almost the same as before, but at least my ears are less visible. ..."
You see, if a girl has been instilled with the habit of considering herself ugly since childhood, if it has been hammered into her head that she is far from beautiful, she will do everything possible to become even less beautiful.
I remember girls like this. As children, their parents call them “Chicken” or “Macaque”, “Pig” - due to the fact that they, like all other children, sometimes get dirty.
From a very young age, a girl gets used to being a “Chicken” and a “Pig” - and then for the rest of her life she confirms this image: at school she always has dirty clothes, disheveled hair, no bows, collars, styled bangs and other beauties. If she has thin legs, she will definitely emphasize their thinness even more by wearing black tights (which make her legs even thinner) and short skirts. But you can put on white tights or bright floral ones, checks, horizontal stripes (this will visually make your legs wider), or trousers - and there will be nothing left of the lack. Plus, you can go in for sports, build muscles and eat well - and there will be no problem. But no, “Macaque” and “Chicken” will never do this!
In your case, you just always emphasized your ears. Although there are girls who wear bobs and curls from the first grade, and no one knows about their lack. Why? Because they are Princesses, and have been convinced of this since childhood.
"...Sometimes I think about a short haircut. But on the one hand, you wrote about the beauty of braids and long hair on a woman, on the other hand, for some reason my husband insists on long hair and used to always be indignant when I periodically went to the hairdresser" shorten my tail. In general, I’m not very good with hair and hairstyles..."
Who is your husband? Professional stylist and hairdresser? If not, here's a simple tactic for you:
Always agree with your husband, but do everything only in your own way: “Yes, honey, you’re right: a long braid is cool... Why did I cut it off and give myself a fashionable hairstyle? But I’m a woman, I’m so emotional, sensitive - forgive me, next time I will take into account all your wishes..."
And you can take into account the wishes of a professional hairdresser - it’s your hair. In this case, both the wolves will be fed and the sheep will be safe.
"...Appearance type: summer. I already knew that burgundy-raspberry and blue-blue colors suit me. I loved and love wearing red. Previously, when I saw something red, I could confidently buy it for myself and wear. Now it seems wrong to me - there is too much red in my wardrobe, and for some time I began to forbid myself red things..."
If you like red, wear red. Red combined with black is a classic.
"...Makeup: I never used makeup. I really didn’t like the results of my inept attempts to complete the course assignment, and I stopped them..."
Remember Sisyphus? Who was sentenced to carry a heavy stone up a mountain all his life? But having pushed it to the top, this stone always rolled down - and Sisyphus had to do this again and again.
This is the script of your life.
You are trying to do something, and it shows in your writing. Work hard, waste time and energy. But having reached almost the victorious end, when you can push yourself a little more and reach the top, and then reap the laurels of your labors, you stop, once again convincing yourself that you will never succeed.
Typically, in this scenario, a person is convinced that he does not deserve anything better in this life, and is unable to do anything worthwhile, no matter how hard he tries. He also likes to replay in his imagination all the future misfortunes in his life, since he is subconsciously convinced that everything will still be bad, no matter what I do.
His life is difficult and difficult - he works hard, but does not allow himself to get results. Sisyphean work is about him.
There is only one way to combat this scenario - to bring the matter to the end! And it doesn’t matter that you don’t believe in yourself, and the parent inside you repeats in an edifying tone: “Such a Chicken and a Slob is not capable of looking decent, NEVER!”
These are just beliefs imposed on you from the outside - and you can always refuse them!
Get down to business more seriously. Check out makeup tutorials for your body type. Start small - and gradually, step by step, you will master everything that an ordinary makeup artist knows. After some time of hard work, you will realize that wearing daily makeup is as natural for a woman as breastfeeding.
"...Wardrobe: I've been wearing the same things for years (my figure allows), I don't particularly adhere to fashion. To complete the task, I bought (forced myself to buy) new things for myself, but most of them were unsuccessful purchases, and I often heard from loved ones (husband, mother) there was no admiration, but on the contrary - they pointed out what was wrong..."
You understand what’s the matter, from childhood you were raised in such a way that you are WRONG, and you cannot do anything right. Of course, your parents wanted what was best and hoped to make you better. They still hope... And you don’t mind... You are used to being unsure of yourself, relying on the opinions of others, even if these others themselves do not understand what they are advising you.
If a mother tells her daughter from childhood that she dresses poorly (and generally does everything wrong), this means that she is suppressing her. And my daughter has no choice but to live her whole life depressed. It’s not surprising that you found a husband like yourself, who will tell you what hairstyle to wear and what dress to wear (as if he understands this).
In fact, buying things in a store is not at all difficult when you clearly know what you need to buy. And in order to know this, you need to figure out what suits you, what improves your figure and complexion. Read a couple of books on this topic, study street fashion (Google “street fashion”). Just by looking at what other women wear, you gradually begin to understand what you should wear. There will also be an understanding of what is fashionable and what is not. The more information you study on a topic, the more you will believe in your abilities.
Never buy something immediately after trying it on. Take a walk, think about whether you need it - you will save so much money, believe my experience :). I myself don’t like to fill my closet with fashionable things that don’t suit me - and I focus on the classics. It is enough to have fashionable accessories to always look fashionable.
"...My daughter admires me when she sees me in a new thing. But her opinion seems biased to me - she just wants her mother to look beautiful, but I don’t know how, I can’t do it. And most importantly: I have to TEACH HER to “look beautiful” “, create a beautiful image,” but I myself don’t know how, I can’t do it..."
It was not the Gods who burned the pots. Don't be afraid to take on new business. The Ark was created by an amateur - professionals made the Titanic.
"...I have read a lot of materials from your course and newsletters, as well as from other sources, but things have hardly budged. I don’t know how to choose things. I’m afraid to go shopping - there are so many different things. When I I’m going through everything, I don’t like everything, I can’t imagine myself wearing them. I’m sorry to spend money on things that will immediately turn into unnecessary things at home..."
Set a clear goal - to buy only one specific thing, what you need. Find this item on the Internet or in a magazine, decide that you like it and that it will suit you. Then, when you go to the store, just know: it lies somewhere not far from you - and you will definitely find it. And it’s likely that it will be even better than you thought. It always works for me. The main thing is a positive attitude :).
You see, your inner child is responsible for buying things. As a child, I’m sure you didn’t have a problem with what to buy - you just went to the store and wanted this, that, and that toy. You liked them all, they suited you and gave you pleasure. If you awaken your inner child and learn to get along with him, he will definitely choose the perfect things for you that will make you look great. You can do Art Therapy. Draw for yourself what you want to buy (even if you don’t know how to draw, don’t bother, the main thing is that you understand what you are drawing). Then blow a kiss to this thing, give it a candy, stroke it with your finger, and say: “Come to my house, I will hang you on this wonderful hanger, in this wonderful cabinet. I will scent you with my favorite perfume, I will look after you , to care for you and cherish you. I will be very glad to see you as soon as possible - you will be very happy at home!”
The main thing when doing Art Therapy is to do everything in a great mood, and to believe that you are creating real magic, which will quickly come true. And it will come true, where can it go!
I know one saleswoman in a boutique who sells everything perfectly. As soon as the customer tries on the shoes and leaves, the saleswoman comes up to the shoes and begins to “cast magic.” She strokes them and tells them: “You will feel good at home, it’s better at home!” – and they always come back to buy shoes!
Why don't you use this magic too? After all, the ability to attract the right things into your life is a completely achievable skill. There would be Intention!
"...I don’t know how to do my own makeup. The more I read tips and tricks on this matter, the more I understand that I won’t be able to do it. It seems to me that at my age it’s better without makeup than with bad makeup.. "
Not true! Start small and gradually build up your knowledge.
I don’t know women who wouldn’t like eyeliner (with pencil) and mascara on their eyelashes. My mother is sixty - and it suits her. This also suits everyone else - because... the eyes become larger and more expressive.
Watch how they do daytime makeup, nude makeup (invisible makeup). Learn how to do it. Gradually expanding your knowledge and practicing, you will succeed. Watch video makeup tutorials on YouTube, read additional articles on this topic online.
Believe me, you are smart enough to build your own “Ark”, which will bring you to the shores of femininity and beauty! The main thing is to start.
Good luck to you!
Oksana Duplyakina
If you suffer from self-doubt and fear of rejection, it is better to get rid of these feelings immediately. Moreover, with the right approach it is not at all difficult.
What is the “ugly duckling” complex?
A person with an “ugly duckling” complex feels like an outsider in life. It seems to him that everyone around him is good, beautiful, lucky, but he is inferior to them in all of the above parameters. As a rule, people with this complex infringe on themselves. Fighting for the attention of others, they unconditionally obey them, accept all ridicule and barbs directed in their direction, and unnecessarily take on the blame of others.
These people are sure that they are worse than others. And it is extremely difficult to improve their low self-esteem. Any lack of attention from family and friends makes them withdraw deeper and deeper into themselves, exposing all their thorns. Those with an “ugly duckling” complex find it extremely difficult to meet new people, build a family, and make friends.
The reasons for the appearance of this complex, like many others, begin in childhood. Or rather, they leave relationships with parents who could not praise and support in a timely manner, but rather pointed out to their child his mistakes and shortcomings.
How to get rid of the “ugly duckling” complex
No matter how complex the “ugly duckling” complex may be, you can still get rid of it. If we remember, the hero of the fairy tale of the same name eventually turned into a beautiful swan. And in some way everyone is capable of this. You just need to follow some rules.
- Love your flaws. Each of us has certain shortcomings. And, as a rule, he works to get rid of them. If you tend to feel dissatisfied with yourself, then you should take a completely different path. Don’t chase the ideal; on the contrary, love your own imperfection. Realize that it is this that makes you a unique person, gives you a unique flavor.
- Overcome your fears. If it seems to you that you are somehow inferior to other people and unworthy of the attention and approval of others, then face these fears face to face. Join a theater club, go dancing, play sports. This can be absolutely any activity, the main thing is that it should place you in the center of attention of others. It will be enough for you to hear words of approval from strangers at least once, and your fears will disappear on their own.
- Start cleaning up your appearance. In most cases, the appearance and development of the “ugly duckling” complex is based on dissatisfaction with one’s own appearance. You don't need to radically change your appearance. All you have to do is start taking care of yourself. Join the gym, buy high-quality body cosmetics, and organize your nutrition responsibly. Treat your body with love, and this love will only benefit you.
- Change your social circle. It is very difficult to become a beautiful swan if you are always in the poultry yard. And the fact that others do not accept you may not be your problem at all, but theirs. Try to expand your circle of acquaintances and make new friends. Among them there will probably be those who will accept and love you for who you are.
- Do what you've dreamed of. Find time to realize your long-standing desires. Go on a long-awaited vacation. Start drawing pictures. Sign up for yoga. It can be anything, the only condition is that the activity makes you happy. A happy person quickly becomes self-sufficient, and therefore you will soon forget about your problems.
How to avoid developing an “ugly duckling” complex in your child
Most of our complexes appear in childhood. That is why the task of parents is to prevent the development of the “ugly duckling” complex in their child.
If possible, criticize your child as little as possible, especially in the presence of his peers. It is precisely this kind of criticism that can lower his self-esteem and take away his confidence in his own abilities. Don't focus on your child's shortcomings. But remember his positive qualities as often as possible. Praise him for his courage, kindness, hard work, and calmness. Tell your baby that you love him as often as possible, and don’t be afraid to show your feelings.
Thus, the “ugly duckling” complex is a problem, although unpleasant, but controllable. The most important thing is to learn to treat yourself with love. And then the favor of others will only be a matter of time.
Get rid of your complexes and have a good mood!
Video: Problems from childhood. Self-dislike.
Ugly duckling
It is generally accepted that predominantly women suffer from the “ugly duckling” complex, but I disagree with this: men experience something similar, they just have these experiences that are not so pronounced. As a rule, men with this complex are called insecure and talk about their low self-esteem (see section self-doubt), but in essence, they are the same “ugly ducklings”, so everything that I say below can safely be attributed to them.
A complex arises in childhood or adolescence: a child, looking at himself in the mirror and comparing himself with other children, begins to doubt his own attractiveness. Perhaps some stupid and cruel statements from adults strengthen the child’s confidence that he is ugly, and thus a complex arises. But over time, the girl (or boy) changes, her (his) appearance becomes much better and more interesting, and soon there is nothing left of the clumsy and awkward teenager: the girl becomes a beautiful girl, and the boy becomes a handsome young man. However, the insidiousness of this complex lies in the fact that internally a person still considers himself worse than everyone else, ugly, stupid, weak, and so on! Possessing a remarkable figure and a glorious face, he acts as if he were, at the very least, ugly. Here's a discrepancy between your external appearance and your inner sense of self!
Of course, you can and should get rid of the complex! A person has no right to underestimate himself! I know many examples to the contrary: an unremarkable person behaves so confidently, as if he were handsome, and you know, those around him gradually begin to imbue him with confidence and see only attractive features in him! Therefore, you urgently need to take care of yourself and your low self-esteem: write in large letters on a piece of paper: “I am the most beautiful, the smartest, the best!” – and read this saying out loud and to yourself every day. You can do it differently: keep a notebook in which you will write down all the compliments and words of praise that you hear addressed to you. Gradually, you will be surprised to discover that you are not so rarely praised, that you are appreciated and loved, and then, perhaps, you will look at yourself with different eyes.
Remember how the ugly duckling learned that he had ceased to be an ugly duckling and turned into a beautiful swan? From other swans! Therefore, you need to learn to trust other people; when they say that you are beautiful, smart, interesting and so on, it means that you really are beautiful, smart and interesting. Why do you think that others praise you out of pity? Nonsense, no one will strain for the dubious pleasure of feeling sorry for you! So accept compliments with confidence and don’t forget to say a humble “thank you.”
This text is an introductory fragment.Such individuals are persecuted in their microsocioenvironment. In interpersonal contacts they behave uncertainly, timidly, trying to find a patron who would guide them through life. They are always grateful for the attention they receive from their communication partners. Subjectively they strive for conflict-free relationships, But achieve this at the cost of concessions, often to the detriment of their vital interests, and often find themselves in the role "scapegoat". Those around them become so accustomed to their resignation that even a simple objection, a slight hint of protest on their part is met with indignation. From early childhood, these people are haunted by feelings of pessimism and depression, which are combined with hopes for the future. When there is a break with loved ones, they take the blame.
They are good at learning moral standards and They are hypersocial and hardworking. Creative activity becomes a compensatory mechanism. In the process of work, they forget about personal instability, troubles and receive satisfaction from its results, they have hopes for happiness. “Ugly ducklings” often achieve great success in their activities, but its fruits, as a rule, are enjoyed by others, and they themselves are content with small crumbs, if these crumbs come to them at all. They don’t tolerate even minutes of rest well, as loneliness comes over them. In society, they often have to endure injections, ridicule and even bullying.
Psychologically illiterate managers, not recognizing the great creative potential of these workers, often use them in auxiliary work (in the years of “stagnation”, as a rule, they were sent to agricultural work). All the dreams of the “ugly ducklings” are connected with finding a person who would appreciate their merits and create the necessary conditions for work. However, this does not happen. In the event of layoffs, it is they who fall under them, because it is dangerous to get involved with others.
Frequent repetition of the cycle in which hope is replaced by disappointment leads to the appearance of the tendency for a minus to appear in the “YOU” position. It is at such moments that “ugly ducklings” become capable of protest, but still more often they stop actively looking for communication partners and remain in spiritual loneliness, maintaining only business connections. The only support remains hope. Such a life contributes to the development of neuroses and severe psychosomatic diseases. They receive a good education, often higher education, but they always occupy the lowest positions corresponding to their qualifications, and never strive to occupy a higher position. We're glad they're not touching them.
Most of the “ugly ducklings” by the time they came to me for consultation were divorced, with no hope of organizing their personal lives again. All of their partners abandoned them at the most difficult moments in their lives. Most often this happened when they fell ill and were unable to perform their previous duties. During the divorce process, they suffered large property losses, avoiding litigation and attacks from partners, who, as a rule, were “arrogant creators.” Outwardly, all my “ugly ducklings” were not just attractive, but beautiful, but timid behavior made this beauty unnoticed.
Cute ugly ducklings! You are indeed sufferers, but it is difficult to help you even if you want to. If you start showing you signs of attention, then there is nowhere to escape from you. I understand that you are alone, but also understand the one who is trying to help, but cannot devote all his time to you. In addition, you are extremely touchy. If you notice some inattention, you will not show your dissatisfaction, but simply leave. Often you are not so much persecuted as you believe that you are being persecuted. It's not easy in love with you either. Here you are ready to sacrifice everything. When dissatisfaction arises, you do not give feedback, but tolerate it. Patience is limitless (more precisely, it is determined by your health). But when it finally bursts and you speak out, the one who loves you will feel like a tyrant.
The “ugly duckling” woman, who accidentally arranged a family life, not believing her luck, will selflessly do everything for her half and children. She will spoil the children, and they, enjoying the fruits of her labor, will not have respect for her, and even begin to reproach her for not teaching them anything. The husband will mind his own business, and she, despite all her external well-being, will feel lonely, unhappy, tired and sick. Therefore, if she doesn’t take charge of herself, nothing good will come of it.
Today, when an “ugly duckling” comes to see me, I immediately send him to the hospital, because here, behind a small number of complaints, lies a difficult internal state, and I keep him for two terms (the first week is general restorative treatment and rest). Most of all, teaching methods help “ugly ducklings” (reliance should be on the “WORK” position). They study excellently, but they do not join in the discussion in the first group. In the second group, I often ask them questions and ask them to express their opinions. They respond, of course, magnificently and remain the center of attention in the hospital and in the evening. In this way, unbeknownst to themselves, the “ugly ducklings” acquire leadership skills. Successes bring them great joy, but if they give way to failures, which is, in general, inevitable, the “ugly ducklings” become very upset. Therefore, group work should be supplemented with individual work.
Based on their abilities, I find a task that they can perform brilliantly. So, I ask someone who speaks English to clarify my translation, and an artist to make a drawing based on my sketch. And again, here the “ugly duckling” trains leadership skills, and by controlling me, a doctor. He finds errors in the translation, and the rough sketch turns into a drawing, and I don’t have to prevaricate by praising the patient.
Dear teachers and leaders! The easiest way to find a talented person and even a genius is among the “ugly ducklings.” Help the ugly duckling become a swan, and you won't lose money.
"Ugly Ducklings"! Don't lose heart! Yes, it’s difficult for you to get through. But if you have made it, the thoroughness of your knowledge and skills will allow you to calmly be at the top.
██ ██ To everyone who has lost hope and given up. The author, like Kozma Prutkov, believes that a person’s happiness is in his own hands. And if he knows how to communicate with himself, finds a common language with loved ones, is able to manage a group and quickly get used to a new situation, he is doomed to happiness. The author uses his rich clinical experience and experience in psychological counseling and gives simple recommendations on how to improve communication. Life is easy, and if it’s hard for you, then you’re doing something wrong. Joy is what is felt after some creative or socially significant action that was not performed for the purpose of obtaining benefit.
