The most toxic people according to zodiac signs: who is the most dangerous? Think about your reaction. So, what are the signs that you can use to understand that you are being “poisoned” by toxic communication?

Unkind people (also called toxic people) defy logic. Some of them are blissfully unaware of the negative impact they have on those around them, others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and putting pressure on other people. One way or another, they create unnecessary difficulties, hostility and, worst of all, tension.

Research has shown that tension and stress can have long-term negative effects on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the efficiency of neurons in the hippocampus, an important brain region responsible for logical thinking and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small “shoots” that brain cells use to transmit nerve impulses), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons. Tension out of control is a huge threat to your success. Both your brain and your productivity suffer.

Most stress sources at work are fairly easy to identify. If your nonprofit is working to secure the grants it needs to continue operating, you're probably feeling the pressure and probably know how to handle it. Unexpected sources of tension and stress that take you by surprise harm you much more.

A recent study from the Department of Biological and Clinical Psychology at Friedrich Schiller University in Germany found that the effects of stimuli that cause strong negative emotions are similar to those you get from dealing with toxic people who cause you extreme stress. By being negative, cruel, victimized, or just plain crazy, these people create tension in the brain that you should try to avoid at all costs.

The ability to manage emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct correlation with productivity. TalentSmart conducted a study in which more than a million people took part. This study showed that 90% of the most productive people have the skills to manage their emotions during times of stress, remain calm and maintain self-control. One of their biggest advantages is the ability to neutralize unkind people. High-performing people have a refined coping strategy that they successfully use to keep energy vampires at bay.

After studying numerous effective strategies that successful people use when dealing with difficult opponents, I have identified twelve of the best. To effectively deal with toxic people, you need an approach that allows you to control what you can and eliminate the rest. It's important to remember that you actually have much more control over you than you think.

They set limits (especially when dealing with those who constantly complain)

Someone who constantly complains and has a negative attitude is not a good conversationalist, because such a person simply wallows in his problems and does not look for ways to solve them. These people drag others into their troubles, crying into their vests in order to feel better at the expense of others. Many experience internal tension, but listen to complaints so as not to seem rude and insensitive, but there is a fine line between offering your vest for tears and being willing to be drawn into the funnel of other people's negative emotions.

You can only avoid this if you set boundaries and can distance yourself when necessary. Think about it this way: if the complaining person smoked, would you sit next to him all day, inhaling tobacco smoke? Surely you would move further away. The same should be done with complaints. A great way to set boundaries is to ask the complaining person how they intend to solve their problem. He will either calm down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.

They don't die in the fight

Successful people know how important it is to understand that backing down does not mean giving up, especially when your opponent is a toxic person. During conflict, uncontrollable emotions force you to stand your ground and fight until you suffer serious psychological damage. If you recognize and respond to your emotions correctly, you are able to choose your method of battle wisely and stand your ground only when the time is right.

They rise above the situation

Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior seems irrational to you. Their behavior really goes against common sense. But why do you allow yourself to react emotionally and become a hostage to their delusional state? The more irrational and unconventional a person behaves, the easier it should be for you to communicate with him and avoid his traps. Don't try to beat him on his own field. Detach yourself emotionally from this person and begin to treat him as an object of study (as a psychotherapist treats his patient, if this analogy is close to you). You don't have to react to emotional chaos - only to facts.

They understand their emotions

The process of maintaining emotional distance must occur consciously. You can't stop a person from pressing on your weak points if you don't understand that this is happening. Sometimes you will find yourself in situations where you will need to regroup and choose the best path forward. This is great, and you should not be afraid to spend your time on these processes.

Think about it this way: if a mentally ill person approaches you on the street and tells you that he is John F. Kennedy, you are unlikely to change his mind. Likewise, if you encounter a colleague whose thoughts are far from reality, simply smile and nod. If you need to interact with such a person in any way, try to plan in advance the best way to handle this task.

They set boundaries

This is an area where most people underestimate their abilities. This happens because many people work or live with people with whom uncontrollable chaos appears. But once you find your way to rise above these people, their behavior will seem more predictable and understandable to you. This will enable you to think rationally about when and where their behavior is or is not acceptable. For example, even if you work closely with someone in the same project group, this does not mean that you are obliged to communicate with him one-on-one and generally have the same relationship as with other team members.

You can set a boundary, but you have to do it consciously and proactively. If you allow events to take their course, you will constantly be drawn into difficult, unnecessary conversations. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you intend to communicate with a difficult person, you can manage much of the chaos. The main point is to stand your ground and guard the boundaries when your opponent tries to break them.

They won't let anyone limit their joy.

If your pleasure and satisfaction depend on other people's opinions, then you are not the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something they've done, they don't let anyone's opinions or snarky remarks ruin their mood.

Although a person cannot help but react to the opinions of others about himself, there is no need to compare himself with others - public opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. This way, no matter what toxic people think or do, your self-esteem will remain intact. Regardless of what opinion others have about you in a particular situation, one thing is indisputable - you are neither good nor bad as much as they think of you.

They don't focus on problems - only on solving them

Your emotional state depends on what you focus your attention on. If you focus on the problems you are facing, you create and increase negative emotions and tension. When you focus on ways to improve yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal effectiveness, experiencing positive emotions and reducing stress.

With toxic people, focusing on how difficult and unrealistic they are gives them power over you. Stop thinking about how malicious your opponent is. Instead, think about how to better communicate with him. This way you will become more effective, you will be able to gain control over the situation, and reduce the degree of tension that you experience when interacting with him.

They don't forget

Emotionally intelligent people forgive quickly, but this does not mean that they forget everything. Forgiveness means letting go of what happened and moving on. But this does not mean that you should give the offender a second chance. Successful people do not want to get bogged down in the mistakes of others - they quickly resolve the problem and persevere in the future, protecting themselves from harm.

They suppress negative self-talk

Sometimes we absorb the negativity of those around us. It's not strange to feel upset about how someone treats you, but your internal dialogue (your thoughts about your own feelings) can either reinforce the negativity or help you distance yourself from it. Negative self-talk is not realistic, it is not necessary - it only has a detrimental effect on you. It sends you down an emotional spiral from which it is difficult to find a way out. You must avoid negative self-talk at all costs.

They limit their caffeine intake

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight or flight” reflex - a survival mechanism that forces you, when faced with a threat, to stand up and fight or run without looking back. The “fight or flight” mechanism suppresses rational thinking in favor of a quicker reaction to the situation. This is very useful if you are being chased by a bear, but not good if you meet an angry co-worker in the corridor.

They get enough sleep

I've wrestled with this question for years and can't say enough about the importance of sleep in strengthening your emotional literacy and ability to manage your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges itself, processing the memories of the day, storing or deleting them (this is the reason we dream) so that you wake up in the morning energized and with a clear mind. Your composure, attention, and memory all suffer if you don't get enough sleep. Lack of sleep increases stress levels on its own, even without an actual stimulus.

A good night's sleep makes you more positive, creative, and proactive in your approach to dealing with toxic people. Only by getting enough sleep will you be able to create the strategy necessary to effectively deal with difficult opponents.

They use their support system

It's tempting, but still completely ineffective, to try to handle everything on your own. To deal with toxic people, you must recognize the weaknesses in your approach to dealing with them. You will need to tap into your support system to cope with a difficult person. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside of work who is always there, supportive and ready to help get out of the most difficult situation. Determine for yourself a circle of such people and try to enlist their understanding and support so that you can get help at the right time. Even just explaining the situation to someone can provide a new perspective and help you develop your strategy. Most often, other people see solutions and ways out of the situation that you simply do not notice, because outsiders are not so emotionally involved in the situation.

Let's sum it up

Before your system starts working brilliantly, you will have to pass some tests. More often than not, you will be tested by annoying interactions with difficult people. Fortunately, the brain's plasticity allows it to adapt and change if you practice new behavior strategies, even unsuccessful ones. Using healthy techniques to relieve stress from dealing with difficult people will train your brain to cope with stress more effectively and reduce the likelihood of harmful effects.

I love learning new techniques for successfully interacting with toxic people, so feel free to share your experiences in the comments below!

Before going to the hospital:(, ruining life with a few, in short, they force our wonderful, magical body to release cortisol instead of serotonins and endrophins, which, you know, does not lead to beauty, health, or natural balance...

How can we understand that there is a toxic person nearby who can somewhat spoil our mood, and possibly our life, and escape as quickly as possible?

To identify toxic people in a society, you can't rely solely on their behavior, it is equally important to focus on how you feel inside yourself when interacting with such people. Use these tips to understand when your feelings are signaling that you are close to a manipulator, and then you will be fully armed:

1. Their company annoys you, but you still want to like them. You constantly justify their unpleasant behavior to yourself because you are constantly in a fight for their attention and recognition, although such people will not even notice if, for example, you leave, they will not care.
2. They take all the attention and depress your self-esteem. They first lure you in with praise and flattery, and then they lose interest, making you feel rejected and lonely, which always encourages you to be the first to approach them.
3. They bombard you with messages, compliments and posts on social networks. Such excessive virtual attention creates self-confidence in you, you become dependent.
4. They immediately identify you as their soul mate. And, interestingly, you don’t mind at all and don’t see anything strange in it. They keep telling you how much you have in common and how incredible it is.
5. They compare you with someone they know. Idealizing you, they tell you how much better you are than those others, but sometimes, in order to hurt, they describe someone they know in a much better light than you.
6. Lies and excuses. They have excuses for all occasions, they often lie and blame others for all their problems, not wanting to evaluate and change themselves.
7. Lack of fear. They do not worry or fear where another person would not stand. They quickly become bored with their friends, and you chalk it up to their calm disposition.
8. They humiliate you with a condescending, mocking attitude. Bantering is their communication style. This is their way of subtly belittling your intelligence and achievements. When you accuse them of this, they accuse you of being hypersensitive.
9. They verbally exaggerate their emotions, but do not show them. They make passionate statements, but the voiced emotions do not show in any way in life, causing one to doubt the authenticity of the loud phrases.
10. You are the only one who sees their true essence. You just managed to see, or maybe you communicate closely, and those around you still see them as the nicest people. This is because these “nice ones” carry out strategic work using flattery and praise (this is ubiquitous on social networks), they are able to maintain artificial friendships for a very long time for their own benefit.
11. They accuse you of what they themselves provoke in you. They may call you too vulnerable after three days of blatantly ignoring your company.
12. They cannot put themselves in someone else's shoes. You may desperately try to explain to them how they would feel if treated like this, but for them it is foreign and completely incomprehensible.
13. You have to explain the basic truths of morality to an adult. In fact, any normal person understands what honesty, kindness and respect are, so there is no need to explain to him.
14. Pay attention to all your mistakes. Such people do not notice their mistakes and shortcomings, and if you try to point them out to them, then such a conversation will not last long and attention will again switch to your mistakes.
15. Your relationship may end suddenly. Such people may become very bored with communicating with you, they become silent and irritated.
16. They are hypocritical. They expect absolute loyalty, respect and adoration from you, but over time they themselves begin to deceive and offend you.
17. Sometimes they forget who they should be next to you and confuse their masks :). They try on different personalities to suit a particular society, but sometimes they make mistakes and confuse the masks.
18. A huge number of “abnormal” people in their past. They consider everyone who did not stay long in the lives of toxic people to be envious or simply abnormal. They will describe you to their next victim in exactly the same way.
19. They flatter what makes you complex. If you are insecure about your appearance, they will tell you that you are the most beautiful person on earth. They will reflect your greatest fantasies just to gain your favor.
20. Frequent comments about your wardrobe and appearance. They try to change you, and because of this you become too preoccupied with your appearance, paying attention to flaws that, in fact, do not exist. Now the time you spend in front of the mirror has increased significantly.
21. You are afraid that the next quarrel may be the last. Normal people sometimes argue to resolve problems, but toxic people make it clear that arguing and unpleasant conversations jeopardize relationships. Therefore, you have to quickly apologize and forgive so as not to escalate the situation.
22. They take pleasure in insulting successful, kind and cheerful people. They are very happy about the news of the breakup of friendship and marriage and they are not averse to taking part in it.
23. Explosive. They rudely deny their manipulative behavior and ignore all evidence.
24. They expect you to read their minds. They may be offended that you did not live up to their expectations and it is entirely your fault that you could not guess about their plans.
25. Selfishness and a huge thirst for attention. They drain your energy and take away most of your life. They crave adoration and are insatiable for it. But the truth is that no one is able to fill the emptiness in their bottomless soul.
26. Your feelings. After an argument with toxic people, you will be exhausted, shocked and mad, exhausted and empty. Such meetings will tear you to pieces, ruining your life and relationships with others, but now you know how to find out who is behind it all.

You will notice that normal people who love you do not evoke any such emotions and feelings. Once you come across such a manipulator, you will begin to be wary of all new acquaintances. Developing intuition is the next step in your personal growth, but remember that the world is full of good people and there are more of them, so try not to avoid society just because you were once hurt. Spend some time alone with yourself and your feelings and find a comfortable balance of understanding and trusting yourself and others.

Incredible facts

We have heard the expression “toxic people” more than once, but we have not always thought about who they are. Associations with this term are not the most pleasant in any case: toxic substance, poison and chemical - all this, it turns out, can be “singled out” by a person in a psychological sense, poisoning the lives of others and spoiling their mood.

Toxic people are somewhat reminiscent of vampires who say or do something that makes other people give your energy and not feeling your best.

A significant difference may be that a toxic person may not use the energy that is given to him in response to his actions at all. If the vampire is basically intentionally causes in a person there are negative emotions in order to feed, toxic personalities do not feed on anything, but simply ruin the lives of others for no reason.

This is, of course, not always the case. Often you can safely put between toxic people and vampires equals sign, because both of them cause negative feelings and emotions.

Toxic Vampire– the most unpleasant person you have ever seen in your life! This is the one you should definitely stay away from because it brings maximum harm to others.

So that a person can be called toxic, it is worth considering the following:

1) Toxic people ruin your life, making it worse in various ways: they constantly spoil your mood, lower your self-esteem, and in return give you a lack of confidence in your strength.

2) You feel bad around toxic people, you want to run away, evaporate and cut these people out of your life (which is not always possible if this is your relative, for example).

3) It is unpleasant to communicate with a toxic person; after talking with him, you are left with a feeling of disgust, anxiety, humiliation and other most unpleasant feelings.

Toxic people of different zodiac signs can be more or less harmful. Of course, there are more good people, and you shouldn’t think that all representatives of these signs are toxic.

And one more nuance: if a person seems toxic to you, this does not mean at all that other people will consider him the same unpleasant. It’s just that your compatibility with this person is exactly like that, perhaps you are also toxic for him. However, usually an unpleasant toxic person is such for the majority who somehow intersect with him.

The most toxic person

If we take toxic people and rank them by zodiac sign, from most dangerous to least harmful, we end up with the following list:

♓ PISCES

The most toxic people, who are very dangerous to others, are Pisces. Remember that not all Pisces are toxic; among them, of course, there are more kind and friendly people! But if you get caught toxic fish, you will have a hard time.

Toxic representatives of this sign easily gain trust, know how to play the victim and leave other people guilty and exhausted after communicating with them. Moreover, it is not always possible to refuse them either. They usually do everything to make you happy couldn't refuse.

Read also:Behaviors that push people away from you

You feel immensely sorry for them, and you also have a desire to help and support. As a result, at a certain moment they just sit on your head. For any reason you used for their own purposes(usually as a vest, but also for other purposes), and after communication you are left with a feeling of emptiness, sadness and anxiety.

They usually always have a lot of problems that they try to impose on you, they tell you in every detail the most heartbreaking stories and make it clear that they simply have no choice! To a trivial question "How are you?" they begin to complain about life, health, relatives, and you already regret that you asked at all.

Most likely, next time, if you notice this person from afar, you will do everything so that he does not notice you.

♏ SCORPIO

Everyone knows that Scorpios are the most dangerous people if they are vampires, but they twice as dangerous when they become toxic vampires. Toxic Scorpio is a fiend from hell, located at the lowest level of development.

The easiest way is simply not to communicate with such people, and if this is not possible, accept their barbs, envy, and insults. not at your own expense. Remember that usually such people are deeply unhappy and do not want to admit it.

You should be prepared that they might talk bad things about you behind your back or try to turn other people against you. in different ways. If such a Scorpio is smart enough, he can do everything so masterfully that no one will ever think anything bad about him.

If such a person lives in your environment, do not let him close to you. These are the kind of women who steal the husbands of their own friends or make you feel like gray mouse next to them. Scorpios deftly know how to put pressure on the patient, getting everything they want.

♍ VIRGO

This is the third dangerous toxic representative of the Zodiac, which will drain all your strength and leave you worried and worried about your abilities. No matter what you say, you will be harshly criticized, sometimes not even harshly, rather softly, but this still won’t make it any easier for you!

These people don't know how to sympathize. It is difficult for them to praise something that is not the work of their hands; they nourish black envy to what others have.

Restraint and cold calculation - this is how their behavior is often described when warmth, support and understanding are needed from them. If such a toxic Virgo is your mother or another close relative, you can only sympathize. Remember, no matter what you do, people will not be happy with you.

♉ TAURUS

Toxic Taurus is a rather greedy person, he is used to measuring everything in monetary terms. He can even make good money on his own, but at the same time he is sure that everyone owes and owes him. Everything in this life should be given to him for free, and if someone demands money from him, this causes a storm of indignation.

If a Taurus is just being greedy, this is far from a toxic person. He becomes toxic when, for example, having received some service, he refuses to pay for it, explaining this for various reasons, running over and making a fuss.

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He begins to criticize and irritate the person who provided the service, putting the person not only in an awkward position, but also leaving him in doubt about his own expertise or knowledge. Toxic client– a nightmare for anyone who offers their services.

By the way, if such a Taurus himself provides services, he can change the cost according to his own understanding, and usually upward. Clients feel very comfortable with him uncomfortable, because they don’t know and don’t understand why and for what they should pay more.

♊ GEMINI

Toxic Geminis are gossips and liars. They will easily deceive you even when there is no need for it. It's hard for you to deal with them around, where is the truth and where is the lie.

They love to embellish their strengths and hide their shortcomings. They often slander and say nasty things about others. It’s possible that they don’t particularly favor you behind your back either, be prepared for this!

Geminis, who have “toxic” qualities, are masters of gossip and intrigue. Words are their main trump card. They can op without any remorse to denigrate you in front of your boss or friends, presenting themselves as winners. Lies and slander are the very weapons that shoot painfully and sharply, instantly devaluing your values ​​and faith in people.

Toxic people - protection

♈ ARIES

If a representative of the Aries sign becomes a toxic person, he tries to demonstrate to everyone that he is always right in everything. You can't even get a word in, how do you like it? gagged pressure and unceremoniousness.

Toxic Aries are precisely those individuals who love go out in scandals, they express their hostility vividly and easily become angry. If Aries imagines that he has the right to yell at strangers, even those of lower status, rest assured that he will not fawn over his equals either.

Also toxic representatives of this sign are very aggressive. They easily provoke conflicts and lead you to “talk”, driving you crazy. Imagine a not entirely sober person who is constantly trying to get something unclear from you: “No, tell me, what did you mean, what did you say?...” And this happens endlessly, because whatever you say will only make him even more angry and intolerant.

♋ CANCER

There are quite a few toxic and unpleasant people among Cancers, despite the fact that they are a lunar type, who essentially should be soft, affectionate and responsive. In fact, not all Cancers are like this. Among them are many envious and unpleasant individuals who sit in their shell, have a narrow outlook, but constantly impose their opinions on others.

They are very envious. Even if they don't show it to you. If you share some joy with them, they will certainly find it negative side, they will lower you, so to speak, to earth.

For example, share with them the joy that you are going on vacation, and you will hear something like: “Uuuh... some kind of disease is raging there now (swine/bird/fish... flu), it’s easy to catch the infection!" If you want to brag about your daughter's upcoming wedding, they will look at the groom's photo and say: “Somehow he doesn’t suit her at all!!” etc.

In general, there may be many options, but the verdict is the same: don't trust toxic Cancers, even if you think that the person is sincerely happy for you or supports you in something.

♌ LION

Toxic Leo is the king of animals who knows and can do everything, and does it better than anyone (in his opinion, of course). He shows in every possible way your superiority over others, even if it is absolutely nothing!

Usually such Leos are self-centered, they do not like to listen to others, but they like it when they listen to them. They do not allow any mistakes on the part of others, sometimes even delays. But it's easy they themselves are late and they love it when other people wait for them.

You will never get support and understanding from a toxic Leo; he is not ready to give his time, his warmth, but requires these things are from others!

Toxic Leos will always demonstrate their talents, which, by the way, are most often really present, and will show in every possible way that they smarter, richer, more luxurious than you.

♑ CAPRICORN

Toxic Capricorns are quite dangerous because they are never ready under any circumstances. don't adapt to anything, make compromises, accept and respect other people's opinions. They have a very narrow view of the world and do not even allow the thought that they can marry it.

As a result, they oblige and persuade you to take actions that, in their opinion, are the only true ones. It is difficult for children with such toxic parents, because it is almost impossible for them to prove to them that there are other more important and interesting things in the world besides work and career. Usually their children suffer at the institute, studying something that is not at all interesting to them, and then, if they have enough strength, they go where they like.

Toxic Capricorn boss is very unpleasant personality, it is better to immediately change your job if he begins to demand the impossible from you. Remember that it is impossible to prove anything to such superiors, and if you try to do this, then most likely you will simply not be allowed to move forward on the career ladder, or even will cut salaries or even get fired.

You wake up in the morning and finally realize that you are stuck in a problematic relationship. You are hurt and confused.

The person who hurts you could be a parent, a sibling, a co-worker, a friend, a spouse, or even a lover. It doesn't matter whether they manipulate you, intimidate you, or try to blame you for their problems. You don't know how to behave in this situation.

Some examples of such relationships:

• Your friend is constantly sarcastic, and lately her barbs have become very cruel.
• Your colleague not only rejects all your suggestions and ideas, but also actively belittles you in front of those who listen to you.
• Your spouse says cruel things to you, and when you object, he says that you are too sensitive, or refuses to talk about it at all.
• Parents underestimate your achievements, no matter what you do.

Not everyone stays in such relationships. At least for a long time. Some people immediately identify and know how to behave with them. Often these are self-confident people who strive for trusting relationships and do not allow themselves to be offended.

The opposite situation occurs for people with low self-esteem who prefer a dependent position. They don't know what a healthy relationship looks like and are more likely to end up with a toxic person.

Xavier Sotomayor / Unsplash.com

How to behave

1. Recognize the traits in yourself that make you an easy target.

This does not mean that you should take responsibility or blame yourself if someone mistreats you. Calmly think about communicating with this person. Focus on why you felt something rather than what you felt. This way you can see the pattern according to which communication that is unpleasant for you occurs. For example, insecure daughters of domineering mothers may confuse someone else's desire for control with strength and tenacity and become influenced by someone toxic.

2. Think about your reaction

Assess your reaction to unpleasant communication. The person insulting you may interpret your lackadaisical response to his behavior as permission and continue to behave in the same way. By your reaction you can strengthen or weaken the aggression directed at you.

Work on your management. Find the point between overreaction and underreaction and prepare yourself a template for how to deal with such relationships.

Act on the “if-then” principle.

Play out the most likely conflict situations and your behavior in your head. For example: “If she says something rude to me, I will ask her why she insults me.” It is very important to learn to defend your feelings.

3. Stop making excuses

One of the reasons people stay in harmful relationships is a lack of self-confidence. If you justify toxic behavior (“He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it”) or chalk it up to ignorance or misunderstanding (“She didn’t realize she was being rude”), then it’s time to stop and understand why you’re doing it. If you notice yourself behaving this way, stop.

4. Don't be afraid of permanent losses

People avoid losses at all costs. They prefer to hold on to what they have now, even if it turns out to be useless in the future.

Our habit of focusing on how much energy, emotion, time or money we have invested in something keeps us stuck.

Whatever that investment is, you won't be able to get it back. You cannot get back the years invested in a dead-end job or relationship, money spent on a broken car or on speculation. It's pointless. So are relationships with toxic people.

If you often think about how much you invested and sacrificed for a toxic person, think about what your life will be like in a year or five years if you end the relationship. If the connection is not broken, then the following years will be just another sacrifice you made to a person who will not appreciate it.

5. Recognize the power of variable approval.

We are naturally optimistic and more passionate when we don't always get what we want. This can fuel our attraction to toxic people.

Burrhus Frederic Skinner ), American behavioral psychologist, conducted an experiment with three hungry rats in separate cages. Each cage had a lever that the rat could press to get food.

Food always appeared in the first cell after pressing the lever. The rat understood this and calmly went about its business. In the second cage, the lever never delivered food - the rat learned its lesson and lost interest in the lever. In the third cage, the lever worked randomly and became the rat's obsession. She pressed him constantly. This is variable approval.

This principle also works in human relationships. When a toxic person does something good, your heart leaps with joy, your optimism skyrockets, and you think things are getting better. This locks you inside for a long time, like a rat in a cage with a lever.

6. Defend your borders or plan a retreat

If contact with a toxic person cannot be avoided, set barriers and the type of behavior you would like to see.

There is no need to be rude or accusatory if someone violates your boundaries. It is important to be direct and decisive.

If this happens at work, then make everything official and put it on paper. Say to a colleague, for example: “You can criticize me, but I would prefer that you not get personal. My appearance has nothing to do with my work."

If you can avoid communicating with someone toxic, do it.

7. Learn to anticipate retribution

A toxic person likes to control you. He likes to feel his power. So don't expect him to just walk away from your life.

When you begin to resist, most likely, he will try even harder to manipulate you, gossip, in order to gain power over you again. This happens especially often in relationships with a narcissist, who needs to win in the eyes of society at any cost.

8. Don't normalize abusive behavior.

It is especially important not to normalize abuse if you have lived in a toxic relationship for a long time or grew up in a family where you were humiliated. Toxic people explain their behavior by saying that their statements against you are just words. They deny their guilt, shifting it onto others.

Refusing to answer a question or ignoring it is also offensive behavior, its silent variation. Any humiliation, including emotional or verbal, is bad.

Natalya Kaptsova - practitioner of integral neuroprogramming, expert psychologist

Reading time: 10 minutes

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When we talk about violence, we usually mean physical violence. But it’s usually not customary to talk about psychological things. More precisely, no one thinks about the fact that this is “violence”, and that it has consequences.

And the culprit is toxic people who poison our lives...

A toxic person - what is he like, and why should you avoid his impact on your life?

One day, stopping and thinking, you begin to understand that this or that person (perhaps even the one closest to you) acts on you like a small daily portion of poison: it seems that you can tolerate it in small doses, but gradually the poison accumulates in the body, and it starts to malfunction.

This person is ruining your life, knowing this perfectly well, and the worse it is for you, the better it is for him.

And, in principle, it doesn’t really matter in what way a toxic person poisons your life, what matters is whether you know what to do in this situation.

Who is this toxic person, and how exactly does he ruin our lives?

• Controls and.
• She constantly cries, suffers, and demonstrates her problems to the whole world. So that everyone would know how bad he was, and everyone would rush to help.
• Uses others to satisfy exclusively his own desires.
• He is critical of everything and everyone: “everything is fine” - this is not about him. Everything is always bad for him.
• Terribly jealous, selfish and envious.
• Never to blame for his problems (as he thinks).
• Very dependent on something. Not necessarily from alcohol or other substances. For example, from card games and so on.
• Likes to suffer and harm himself.
• Enjoys when he manages to spoil someone's mood.
• Communicates in the language of cruel jokes, sarcasm, and causticity. He does not hesitate to make humiliating comments even about his loved ones.
• Rude, insensitive, 100% selfish, incorrect.
• I am convinced that only he is the ultimate truth.
• Likes to lie about little things to maintain his image.
• Does not control his emotional state, because “everyone should accept it as it is.”
• In a relationship, they are always looking not for a soul mate, but for a victim who will be tortured for years until the victim realizes his plight and runs away.

Video: Beware, “Toxic People”!

Why is it important to get rid of (and get rid of on time) toxic people?

Ill-wishers, wittingly or unwittingly, hinder your normal life and slow down the process of comprehensive development in every sense. You miss the most important moments in your life, reconsider important decisions, lose friends and opportunities, and even gradually (oh horror) turn into a toxic person yourself. And this continues until you realize that you have become a victim of such a person, and until you protect yourself from his harmful influence.

A toxic person could be your boss, your best friend, your parent, or even your significant other. And, if it is easy to isolate a toxic outsider (simply not communicate), then with all of the above the situation is more complicated. Well, how can you isolate yourself from the man you live with, from your friend or your boss?

The result of communicating with a toxic person is always conflict and stress, and the latter, getting out of control, begins to poison consciousness, health, etc. That is why it is important to identify such people early and protect yourself from their toxic influence.

10 signs that other people are toxic to you - how to recognize a toxic person in your immediate environment?

There are many signs of human toxicity (we will list the main ones), but it is important to understand that a person cannot be recognized as toxic only by 1-2 signs listed below.

Only if most of the “symptoms” coincide can we talk about the toxicity of a particular person (and the diagnosis, naturally, has nothing to do with medicine).

So, what are the signs that you can use to understand that you are being “poisoned” by toxic communication?

1. You are constantly being drawn into some kind of “drama” that you absolutely do not want to get involved in. Your reaction to this or that drama is always emotional. You are provoked to emotions.
2. It is unpleasant or uncomfortable for you to communicate with a person. You are constantly looking for reasons to reduce communication time or avoid it altogether.
3. After communicating with a toxic person, you feel like a “squeezed lemon” : you get tired quickly, feel psychological exhaustion, sometimes even your head starts to hurt.
4. You are tormented by a feeling of guilt because this person is unpleasant to you , and for not doing more for him than you can. Moreover, the feeling of guilt is instilled in you from the outside.
5. You constantly have to do something for this person. , correct his mistakes, redo his work, do for him what he simply gave up on, and so on.
6. When he feels bad, you are always there, but you are never reciprocated.
7. You feel like a damp vest , into which they not only cry every day, but also try to blow their nose. You hope that now, after you saved this whiner again, he will begin to live like a human being, but alas...
8. A toxic person doesn't know the word "no." More precisely, he knows, but only if he himself denies you something again. You have no right to refuse him.
9. The world should revolve only around this person , and you are next to him - to bring a cup, wipe away tears and do his work. Your values, principles and interests are not a priority.
10. You are hooked and in complete control . You have no right to your own opinion, desires or victory in an argument.

If you find a coincidence of your reality with 6-10 of these symptoms of “poisoning,” it means that it’s urgently time for you to change something in your life.

Video: Protection from toxic people

How to get rid of toxic people and their negative effects - instructions

If communication with toxic people cannot be avoided, then you need to minimize the consequences of “poisoning”.

How to do this?

• Learn to say no. No matter how difficult it may be. Even if it is the closest person.
• Don't let them sit on your neck and dangle knives. Everyone knows what happens to the neck from heavy stress.
• Set boundaries that a person should not cross. Show him these frames. His first and second hysterics, misunderstanding and non-acceptance of your new framework can be endured. And then the person will understand that “where he sits down, he will get off,” and this trick will no longer work with you.
• Wean yourself off feeling awkward and tormented by remorse for what you are not obliged to do. In the end, you are not Mother Teresa to follow this man day and night, do his work, listen to his whining and rush from the other end of the city at his first request. Don't let yourself get sucked into this emotional vortex.
• Feel free to distance yourself whenever you feel like it. You don't have to listen to him rant all evening about his bad day when you have your own things to do. And simply - you don’t have to listen. And if this is unpleasant for you, feel free to demonstrate your dislike. You can just smile, say goodbye and go about your business. When you look at your watch for the nth time in the midst of his next hysteria and dramatically exclaim, “Oh, I have to go,” he will understand that he needs to stop whining or look for another “vest.” Both are to your advantage.
• Lock your emotions with a bolt next to this person. If you don't know how not to react and you can't escape, distract yourself. Read a book, watch a movie, etc. at this moment. Another option for emotional distancing is to look at a person like a psychiatrist looks at the object of research. And remember that your emotions are his food. You won't voluntarily expose your neck to a vampire, will you? So – smile and wave!
• Analyze your behavior. Where exactly are you slacking? What does your toxic friend play? What gills does it hold you by? All these traits are your shortcomings that make you vulnerable. Get rid of them hard and fast.
• If it seems to you that something is wrong, it doesn’t seem to you. Trust your intuition and don't make excuses for a toxic person.
• The biggest mistake is to endure the situation due to the fact that “so much has been invested in this relationship...” (effort, money, time, feelings, etc.). It doesn't matter. It is clear that everyone is afraid of losses, but in the end this loss will become your gain and an inoculation against new toxic relationships.
• Be prepared for the toxic person to fight back. That is, he will try with redoubled force to return your relationship to its previous course. Or even begin to take revenge. But fear of revenge is for the weak.

What to do if a toxic person is your friend, loved one, loved one, how to behave with him?

If the toxic person is that saleswoman in the store or a work colleague with whom you can reduce communication to “hello and bye” - this is still normal.

The situation in which a close friend, parent, or even other half becomes the “poisoner” is much more complicated. Most often, they are toxic in their excessive care and sense of permissiveness.

For example, your mother comes to your home without asking and puts things in order, a friend allows herself to come even in the middle of the night and tell you what to do, and a loved one reads your correspondence in the mail as if it were his own, citing the phrase “what do you have?” what to hide?

Of course, these are not the worst “sins” of our toxic loved ones, but sometimes “poisoners” really cross all boundaries.

What to do?

• Maintain your personal boundaries as best you can. Set those boundaries, read the rules out loud to everyone who needs them read, and enforce them at all costs. Until a person understands that your boundaries cannot be violated. You yourself know what exactly causes you discomfort or even pain. Draw conclusions and just act. Don't wait for the accumulated stress to blow the lid.
• Assess the situation - does the boundaries make sense at all? Perhaps the poisoning has already become so severe that “the patient is more dead than alive.”
• It is difficult to convince a toxic person of anything with words. Because he is the one who is always right, and he simply will not hear your arguments, as well as your problems. Therefore, demonstrate your dissatisfaction in a mirror way. Usually it gets there faster and better.
• If you love a person very much and do not want to part with him, find the strength in yourself to come to terms with his minor shortcomings. But return his poison to him in mirror.
• If you decide to say goodbye to a person and realize that the poisoning has reached its limit, do not delay. Don't say goodbye for a long time. Don't give a toxic person a reason to stop you. And you don't have to explain anything. If, when breaking up, you are afraid of conflict, think in advance where and how to do this in order to protect yourself from serious conflict, revenge and cruelty.
• Try to eliminate all opportunities for random encounters with the toxic person you broke up with. : change the locks in the apartment, change the phone number, block the person on social networks, etc.

And remember that marriage or consolidation of relationships by living together is not a license to poison your life.

If a person is in a close relationship with you, he should take care of you even more, and not “poison” you from morning to evening, because you are his property.

Have there been similar situations in your life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!