Women's models of behavior during the crisis of their thirties.

Why seasoned men keep telling the same jokes and making stupid jokes? But because the stronger sex truly matures at 43 years old - 11 years later than women. About this and why we are in no hurry to grow up and whether this is a bad thing at all - infantilism in our understanding - are discussed below.

The survey showed that there is a huge age difference in the maturation of men and women. Representatives of both sexes interviewed admitted that male infantility often persists until the age of 40 and even beyond. And the average age of true adulthood for a man is 43 years old.

In contrast, women were found to mature at 32 years of age. It is at this age that many already have children, so ladies have to take care not only of over-aged boys (their husbands), but also of real babies.

It's no wonder that 80% of women surveyed believe that men never stop behaving childishly. In the female understanding, this includes the production of indecent sounds, a passion for video games, and attempts to enjoy fast food at night.

In addition, signs of male infantilism include the inability to cook even the simplest dishes and retelling the same jokes.

* * *
Why are men becoming more and more infantile? Although I personally would not categorically declare this, I proceed from the opinions of many girls and women I know. Examples: there is an acute shortage of “real men” in society (65% of respondents); the manners and behavior of modern men have become less “masculine” (63% of respondents); The role of men in the family has decreased: they increasingly earn less money than wives and do not make important family decisions (54% of respondents).

Who is he - a real man? Faina Ranevskaya joked: “A real man is a man who remembers exactly a woman’s birthday and never knows how old she is. A man who never remembers a woman’s birthday, but knows exactly how old she is, is her husband.” And here is a modern joke: “Every woman, in addition to the child she gave birth to, also has a child that her mother-in-law gave birth to.”

In fact, the concept of a “real man” is very vague. Male strength and the original image of masculinity, which has delighted women for centuries, forced them to submit and respect, dissolves and fades in the modern man. Insecurity, weakness, and repulsive posturing often come to the fore. For a woman with a traditional worldview, this inevitably causes a feeling of contempt, neglect and, as a result, disappointment.

The logical question is: do we, men, agree with this? Maybe this is a purely female point of view?

Women call a man childish for only one reason: he doesn’t want to provide for her and doesn’t want to work hard for her. This is a criterion for them. I don’t believe that women like courageous people with character, experience, and knowledge. They couldn't care less about this. Women are especially irritated by a man’s passion for something.

Of course, there are exceptions. Those who value inner qualities in a man. But among my acquaintances (and there are hundreds of them at work) there are only a few of them. And the worst thing is: the women themselves, those around them, do not respect such acquaintances who are trying to understand the male soul, considering them simply “man-loving”, “sacrifices”... And why? Because today many egoists have divorced. It is among the female half of society. Selfish by nature, by life. And this, in my opinion, is much worse than infantilism.

I have personally met many women who stupidly indulge in instincts and indulge in vodka and beer no worse than men. What, they want to show us how “courageous” they are? “Why shouldn’t I drink when there are only crocodiles around,” one said bluntly. And the “infantile” men are sleeping off at this time, they have to work tomorrow to prove to their women that they are men and are worth something.

I believe that Russian men have always remained men, with their characteristic courage, determination, a certain amount of aggressiveness, and the ability to take responsibility and make decisions. A male breadwinner, a male protector - after all, this is precisely the approach that comes from historical experience - humanity has survived thanks to this functional distribution.

* * *
Here is a different look at the infantilism of our men.

The people in Russia are not stupid people, not weaklings and far from losers. Russians are just children. We are the most infantile nation on the planet.

In fact, in Russia we could build a much cooler paradise on our land than in the UAE, if at least some part of the people managed to grow up. The problem with Russians is not stupidity or weak character. If necessary, the Russians will invent a rocket and win the war against anyone. But the Russian people are simply incredibly cowardly. Incredible. In the West, if you infringe on someone’s rights, they will immediately sue. There you can sue a restaurant for thousands of dollars if they served you bread that was too hard. What do we have?

How does a Russian person think? Tough - well, let it be tough. It's good to have broth without a cockroach. With a cockroach? Never mind, I'll carefully pull it out. It’s good that they brought it at all and didn’t put an extra zero on the bill and didn’t add something that I didn’t order. They attributed it - it doesn’t matter, it’s better to pay, less problems. What kind of court is there? Fuck it! Alive - and okay.

And so on. The saleswoman in the store is rude, she didn’t give me enough change, she weighed it down, some boor jumps in line - but it’s good that he didn’t punch him in the face. I came home and “how scary it is to live, what assholes everyone is around.” And we don’t do anything with these goats. It's scary. And someone else’s misfortune is not a misfortune at all, they blew up the metro - what a blessing that I wasn’t there! It's better if they steal - at least it's not a civil war.

That’s why they steal, because Russians don’t know how to even stand up for themselves a little bit. If you steal something from a Russian, he will pretend “I’ve been wanting to give you this for a long time.” So that there is no conflict. To get away with little things. And if they attack a neighbor, it means you need to lock the door tighter (“I’m not with him, I don’t know anything”). And console yourself with the thought that God will punish them all. Typical child behavior. The land of eternal children.

It's the same at work. Business is responsibility. Here you won’t be able to whine that the boss is a bitch withholding my salary and insulting me, someone tell him. And for Russian people, bearing even minimal responsibility is the worst thing. Because children. It’s better to stick a sticker on your shit truck that says “like the authorities, like the roads.” It’s not right to say this to someone’s face, especially since everyone does it.

But working in the worst conditions and for pennies - yes. Russian laziness, you say? There is no laziness. There is Russian infantilism. No initiatives from below. All the lower classes and the middle class are completely rotten assholes with one thought: “who would feed them.” They work: “fuck off, give me money.” There are no other goals at all. Exactly goals. Dreams are a sea. But I still can’t catch the golden fish to make my wishes come true. The fish is to blame. But people, such freaks, don’t want to make wishes come true. Or they ask for too much money.

If a person sees a problem in the West, he begins to look for a solution. With us, if a person sees a problem, he looks for ways to get around it, who to blame it on, how to survive it with minimal losses, who to blame for it. Anything but look for a solution. Like a little boy: “Mom, I’m hungry.”

The Russian has no doubt that if he leaves the country, then in the West all his problems will be solved instantly. He was not there, he doesn’t know why this will happen, but he is one hundred percent convinced. Well, when it turned out that you have to work harder there than here, to pay for everything, how much one medical insurance costs, you just ask to go back.

And just like in the song, “they seem to be not slackers and could live.” And science is one of the strongest in the world, and in sports they are in the top ten in almost all forms. But Russians have no desire to change their lives for the better.

* * *
And do you know how young people think today? No, they cannot be called infantile in the truest sense of the word. Why, they are pragmatists! They clearly understand where it is good and where it is bad. And from an early age.

“Yes, of course, it’s not bad to live somewhere in Norway, but these are dreams! And I don’t have any relatives there. And I don’t see a grandmother with a million-dollar will either.

And alone, without the support of my ancestors, I will hardly survive there. Because no one is waiting for me there with open arms. I know from myself: as a foreigner, you are treated well and friendly as long as you are a guest. While you are a tourist. I came for a while to admire their beauty and leave my hard-earned money for their services... But, just don’t stay for more than a month. Otherwise, you can easily move into the category of “strangers”. “We have enough of our own beggars... they’ve come in large numbers here...” Sound familiar?

God did not reward me with talent and abilities for IT technologies. Then I definitely wouldn’t have stayed here - my hands would have been torn off in various silicon and silicon valleys!

I have no idea where the money comes from or how to make it! All my life I've been doing nothing but dreaming and fantasizing, even now, on the eve of a more or less independent life, I continue to dream... Well, I'll train to be someone else, the same manager. I have no idea what I will do next! And I don’t want to think about it, which terrifies most adults. Because deep down in my heart I still hope to die before I have to seriously worry about the future..."

* * *
And so I, as an adult and knowledgeable person, approach this 16-year-old dreamer: “Yes, these are just fairy tales, come on!” No, I'm not saying. The tongue does not turn. He will be completely disappointed in life, without having time to really start it... Because I myself don’t believe that real life can be joyful and pleasant. Everything I see around me is not at all healthy and not right.

But he is not discouraged! And he quickly adapts and fits into his surroundings. Sitting on your parents' necks is unacceptable, that's exactly what I put into it. Now I would like to finally convince you that you will have to get out of your beautiful world and go to the ordinary one, regardless of your desire. Wouldn't this be a shock?

In the middle of early adulthood (around the age of thirty), a person experiences a state of crisis, a certain turning point in development, due to the fact that the ideas about life that developed between twenty and thirty years old do not satisfy him.

Analyzing the path traveled, his achievements and failures, a person discovers that despite an already established and apparently prosperous life, his personality is imperfect, that a lot of time and effort was wasted, that he did little compared to what he could have done, etc. In other words, there is a reassessment of values, a critical revision of one’s “I”. A person discovers that he can no longer change many things in his life, in himself: family, profession, usual way of life. Having realized himself at this stage of life, during his youth, a person suddenly realizes that, in essence, he faces the same task - search, self-determination in new circumstances of life, taking into account real opportunities (including limitations that he had not noticed before). This crisis manifests itself in a feeling of the need to “do something” and indicates that a person is moving to a new age level - the age of adulthood. “The Crisis of Thirty” is a conditional name. This state can occur earlier or later; the feeling of a crisis state can occur repeatedly throughout life (as in childhood, adolescence, adolescence), since the development process proceeds in a spiral without stopping.

For men at this time, it is typical to change jobs or change their lifestyle, but their focus on work and career does not change. The most common motive for voluntarily leaving a job is dissatisfaction with something in the current position. In this case, the main importance is dissatisfaction with the job: the production environment, work intensity, wages, etc. If job dissatisfaction arises as a result of the desire to achieve a better result, then this only contributes to the improvement of the employee himself.

For women, during the mid-30s crisis, priorities that were established in early adulthood usually change (Craig, 2003, Levinson, 1990). Women focused on marriage and raising children are now increasingly attracted to professional goals. At the same time, those who devoted their energies to work now, as a rule, direct them into the bosom of family and marriage.

Experiencing a crisis of thirty years, a person is looking for an opportunity to strengthen his niche in adult life, to confirm his status as an adult: he wants to have a good job, he strives for security and stability. The person is still confident that the full realization of the hopes and aspirations that make up the “dream” is possible, and he works hard for this.

Research examining gender differences in development has yielded conflicting results. Some authors argue that transition periods, both in women and men, are closely related to age; others believe that for women, stages of the family cycle are indicators of transitions (Craig, 2003).

G. Sheehy proposes “models of behavior” as a classification of possible options for solving development problems for women and men. Sheehy, like some other authors (Levinson, 1986; Vitkin, 1996), especially notes the crisis at the age of 28–32, when the processes of reassessment of life values ​​and goals, search for a place in adult society are most pronounced, conflicts of adolescence are finally resolved, new responsibilities.

People behave differently depending on the choices they make in their twenties. Depending on different behavior patterns, everyone develops their role in life differently, so it is important to evaluate future prospects. Behavior patterns themselves change, becoming more diverse, reflecting the influence of a changing world. Sheehy believes that each behavior model corresponds to a certain set of psychological problems related to how effectively a person solves his developmental problems - a deep crisis and “getting stuck” in previous stages or a more successful entry into adulthood (Sheehy, 1999).

"Caring" They get married at the age of twenty or even earlier and at this time they do not intend to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to resolve the tasks that a person faces at this age: gaining autonomy and independence, forming an identity, a holistic image of the “I”, combining various elements of personality. A woman can break away from her parents, from her parental family, but still cannot become independent and independent: her husband takes on parental functions (economic and control).

There are several possibilities for pathological identification in this developmental pattern. B. Friedan (Friedan, 1992) identifies the following: through the husband and his achievements, children, sex, hoarding.

When identified through her husband, a woman faces the loss of her own individuality. Status is acquired through the husband's achievements and possession of things that are symbols of this status. Another identification possibility is to become a mother. The birth of a child gives meaning to existence and serves as “proof” of the feminine essence. Therefore, many unemployed women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. Then, when the children grow up and leave home, solving the problem of finding oneself and the meaning of life will be even more difficult. Sex can be a cure for boredom and routine life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to establish herself through sex and not finding satisfaction in it, the housewife finds herself in a vicious circle. This often leads to a search for pleasure on the side and a retreat into the world of sexual dreams. American psychologists say that housewives are more prone to cheating than working women.

Often marriage is an attempt to test one's own identity with the help of another person. According to statistics, youth marriages do not last as long as those who marry after twenty. E. Erikson sees in this fact proof that it is impossible to achieve intimacy by striving for identity in this way (Kjell, Ziegler, 1997).

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday, when most women go through a situation of re-election, finds a woman with such a model of behavior completely unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, has no education, profession, her identity is uncertain, i.e. the previous one has not been resolved development task. The wait for the opportunity to create a satisfying relationship becomes increasingly burdensome, mainly for internal reasons: due to growing self-doubt, a slowdown in overall development, economic dependence is also burdensome. Finally, there is a growing void in the area of ​​achievement as more and more emphasis is placed on achievement over the years. It seems to her that life has lost its meaning, and embitterment develops (Horney, 1993).

The task of development (identity, independence) is complicated by family problems and lagging behind peers in the professional sphere. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development is possible, and the risk of neuroticization increases.

"Either - or." These women at twenty must make a choice between love and children or work and education. There are two types of such women: some put off thoughts about a career until a later date, but, unlike the “caring” ones, after some time they intend to make a career; others seek to complete their professional education first, postponing motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do a lot of internal work, which will help her in the future accurately determine her priorities. Unlike “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from adolescence to early adulthood, identified life goals (family, work), and laid the foundation for a future career. The danger with this development model is that if the resolution of the crisis is delayed until a later date, there may be a loss of professional skills and increased competition from peers. The content of the crisis: suppression of that part of one’s “I” that longs to gain professional recognition in the world, that is, to make a career. Subjective sensations: anxiety, vague fears (Sheehy, 1999); dissatisfaction with her role as a housewife, resistance from her husband, who often does not encourage the desire to work (Vitkin, 19966; Friedan, 1992).

Studies of a group of women who chose the second type of “either-or” model (first a career, then the role of a wife and mother) are quite small. Typically, such women are the firstborn in the family; their mothers have no influence on them. Fathers support their daughters' self-esteem and become its main source. All respondents received higher education and at the age of 25 decided to postpone motherhood and marriage. The typical content of the crisis is the sudden realization that they have little time left to have a child, a feeling of loneliness. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and can “jump out” to get married (Vitkin, 19966). The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner; men are usually “afraid” of them. The search may drag on indefinitely, and the woman may not start a family. Among those who did not marry, one can distinguish a group that chose new development tasks and one that did not solve the problems of the crisis.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, then get married and become a mother by the age of thirty. G. Sheehy calls this option the most effective. The advantage of this model is that it allows you to plan events and the woman is more prepared for the transition to her thirties: “intimate relationships” have been created - family, there are career achievements. An increasing number of women are postponing motherhood. According to American statistics, between 1980 and 1988 the number of women who chose this development model doubled (Vitkin, 19966). The crisis in this case usually consists in the fact that the “biological clock” tells the woman that she may not have time to become a mother; she begins to put pressure on her husband, who may not be ready to become a father. The task of becoming a mother becomes the main one. Another problem may be that it is difficult for a woman to give birth to a child - the clock has struck too late. Many find a way out by taking in adopted children by caring for nephews and nieces (Vitkin, 1996a). "Integrators". They are trying to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. Contents of the crisis: a woman feels tired, overwhelmed by tasks, guilty before her husband and children, she constantly has to sacrifice either her family or her career in order to get everything done. According to some researchers (Levinson, 1990; Sheehy, 1999), a woman can combine both of these roles only by the age of thirty-five. Often women cannot withstand such stress and, as a result, or for some time until their children grow up, they refuse to work, or give up marriage and raising children. Others find a more positive way out: they redistribute household responsibilities with their husbands, work from home, using modern means of communication, part-time work, and resort to the help of a nanny (Vitkin, 19966; Nekrasov, Vozilkin, 1993). Modern family models and progress in the views of society suggest many possible options for positive outcomes with such a model. The new structure of life is a temporarily unemployed or part-time father, a “Sunday” father who takes care of children on weekends and holidays, allowing a woman to become a mature person: giving her the opportunity to “love and work” (Freud, 1993). Such relationships in marital unions can give a woman the opportunity to unite all sides of her being.

“Women who never get married,” including nannies, childcare workers, and “office wives.” Some women in this group are heterosexual, others are lesbians, and still others are sexually abstinent (Morse, 1993; Sheehy, 1999). Some unmarried women become public workers, nannies-governesses, educators for orphans and children with delayed development. They direct their creative abilities to care for children around the world. However, there are also women who become “office wives”, ready to exclude any other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

"Unstable." At the age of twenty, they choose impermanence, travel through life, changing their place of residence, activities and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen this model of behavior prefers not to be defined in any way in life: she does not have a regular income, family, profession, often wanders and, as a rule, has an immature personality, is not ready to “love and work”, has low self-esteem, lives for today, without thinking about the future (Witkin, 19966). The content of the crisis: by the age of thirty, a woman gets tired of the “free life”, she is faced with the problem of further self-determination, finding herself in the adult world and acquiring a profession. In fact, it must solve the problems of both adolescence and the thirty-year period. If tasks associated with a previous developmental period are not resolved, they may complicate or overlap with the tasks of subsequent periods (Levinson, 1990). In extreme cases, development may be delayed to such an extent that the person is unable to enter the next period. He feels that he is overwhelmed by new tasks, while he is struggling with old ones, mental illness may appear, the person will lose his path in life or will seek death. Often women in this category are at risk: they lead an antisocial lifestyle, they are characterized by destructive behavior, alcohol and drug use. If the outcome is negative, these problems worsen, and the woman becomes “stuck” at the adolescent stage.

Male behavior patterns can be divided into three main groups (Vitkin, 1996a; Sheehy, 1999):

Unstable. They are unwilling or unable to set firm internal guidelines at the age of twenty and continue the experiments of youth. These are people capable of only limited emotional experiences. They grab onto one thing or another, without bringing anything to the end. They do not have a clear idea of ​​what profession attracts them. They do not strive for consistency - at least not in their twenties.

For some people who follow this pattern of behavior, continuing the experiments of youth is positive - if it helps form the basis for future choices. In general, people who start out with unstable behavior patterns tend to feel a strong desire to establish personal goals and attachments (though not necessarily get married) in their mid-thirties. By mid-life, some men remain in a period of moratorium, still groping for ways to identify their personality and feeling an internal vague need to determine their goals.

Closed. This is the most common category. They peacefully, without crises and introspection, outline solid guidelines at the age of twenty. People who engage in this pattern of behavior are reliable but easily overwhelmed. In their search for early stability, they often do not seriously evaluate the value system that underlies their goals.

Prodigies. They put themselves at risk and play to win, often believing that once they reach the top, their self-doubt will disappear. A child prodigy usually achieves success early. His reaction to all other ideas about adult development is noteworthy. He will only believe in them if they allow him to go upstairs. He does overcome difficult professional challenges earlier than his peers, although he does not always reach the top or remain at the top once he reaches it. He thinks only about business, and the boundary between work and personal life is blurred very early on.

Content of the crisis: they are afraid to admit to themselves that they do not know everything. They are afraid to let anyone get too close to them. They are afraid to stop and spend time struggling with external difficulties that seem insurmountable to them. They are afraid that someone might laugh at them, influence them, exploit their weaknesses and limit them to the helplessness of a small child. In fact, they are afraid of their “inner guard” - the internal image of parents and other significant adults from their childhood. Every male prodigy, in his memories of his youth, finds a person who made him feel helpless and unsure of himself.

The other four behaviors are additional because they are quite rare.

Old bachelors. Since so few men over forty have never been married, it is difficult to draw firm conclusions from such a small group.

Educators. They see the meaning of life in caring for the community (priests, missionary doctors), or devote themselves to caring for the family, although this is usually done by wives.

Hidden children. They avoid the process of growing up and remain attached to their mothers even as adults.

Integrators. They try to balance their ambitions with sincere commitments to the family, including sharing responsibilities in caring for children and consciously working to combine financial independence with morality and usefulness to society. Such internal struggle is natural for people in the transition to thirty years of age. It is probably impossible to achieve integration in life before the age of thirty-five. You can choose this model of behavior only if you really want it. The future integrator is often unable to cope with opposing forces. At the moment when an ordinary man begins to look for new opportunities to expand his inner world, the integrator still needs to free himself from old baggage. From early childhood he was accustomed to solving problems based on a mathematical model. He is adapted to life in an environment where facts are preferred to feelings, and competence is valued above human relationships, and adapts well to a modern post-industrial society in which one must follow the rules, obey the system and stand on one's feet, one must be indifferent and rationalistic.

Psychology of men at 30 years old

Many women believe that men never change. However, according to the laws of psychology, a man at 33 years old and a man, for example, at 40 years old are two very different people. Let's consider what distinguishes the psychology of men at 30 from other ages.

It is believed that until the age of 30, a man can engage in self-discovery, entertainment and various activities, which are not always aimed at achieving one goal. The psychology of a 30-year-old man is based on stability, the desire to find constancy in all areas of life: in love, in career, in hobbies.

The psychology of a man at 30 forces him to desperately look for a permanent life partner if he is not yet married, but the acquired bachelor habits will interfere with arranging his personal life in accordance with new demands.

A man in his 30s and a woman

At this age, men begin to look at women differently - if previously they were assessed primarily by appearance, sexuality and showiness, now a man is inclined to value her as an individual with his own achievements and successes. It is at the age of 30 that a man’s psychology allows him to appreciate all the beauty of a stable and happy relationship. Such men become excellent fathers and good husbands. However, if the other “half” has completely neglected themselves, some may dare and have mistresses. However, they almost never leave their families, and when the spouse takes over again, they often break all ties on the side.

At 32 years old, a man is already old, what do you think?

A 32-year-old man, after a divorce, has been raising a child for 5 years and has his own modest home.

What are you talking about? What a wonderful age. Remember the movie Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears, where one of the characters said at 40 years old, life is just beginning. And you still have a long way to go.

And what does it mean to achieve everything? To achieve “everything” and continue to lie on the sofa?

Be specific about what you wanted to ask. This way you will be given more accurate and, most importantly, useful answers - 5 years ago

Honestly, for example, I define youth by appearance; if a person looks youthful, it means that his age does not matter.

After 25 years, the skin begins to wither and it seems that if you have passed 30, then everything is an old woman or an old man.

In general, in our world, a woman at 32 is considered no longer young, and a man is considered ordinary, especially since I think that since he is already a little over 30, it means he has matured. Women are mercantile creatures, they only consider everything for themselves, they don’t care about a man. And if you have money, then you are 60 years old, although this is not true.

Men perceive a woman as an addition to themselves (I came up with the expression, but this is the conclusion I came to after reading), and not as a separate person.

Why is the crisis of 30 years dangerous for a man and what are its prerequisites?

The age of 30 is considered a kind of milestone when a man enters the period of maturity. In childhood, every person can clearly define who they want to be. But years pass, few withstand the pressure of circumstances. People cease to understand where they want to move next. This time interval can be considered a period of maximum vulnerability.

There is a reassessment of values. Or rather, a man refuses some of them and replaces them with others. For the first time, he begins to ask himself questions: why he lives and what he was able to achieve. In particularly difficult cases, these thoughts can deprive him of sleep.

Psychology of self-criticism

Men are providers by nature. They have to put up with increased demands from society. That is why young people by the age of thirty-five begin to wonder whether any peaks have been conquered, and what they can boast about to others and to themselves. For only a few people, this kind of thinking leads to positive emotions.

Usually, by the age of thirty, a man has time to take important steps - get an education, find a job, get married and have children. If any of these points have not been fulfilled, a representative of the stronger half of humanity begins to reproach himself for missed opportunities and wasted years. Some are able to analyze the issues that arise in detail, while others are afraid and even panic. Such people do not strive to accept the situation, but want to escape from it or be distracted.

First danger

The problem of transition to the crisis age of 30 remains relevant if a man leaves it unresolved. He is fond of computer games, refuses to communicate with loved ones and withdraws into himself. There is physical weakness, conflicts with his wife, serious quarrels with friends and at work.

The consequence is a possible change in lifestyle, when a man leaves his family, quits his job and looks for himself in other directions.

Important! Behavior that is atypical for a man is explained by his desire to set priorities. He intends to understand himself.

The second important point: when assessing his own achievements, a man, even 30 or 33 years old, involuntarily compares himself with his peers. He looks at what results his classmates, work colleagues and just strangers have achieved. By what criteria does he evaluate his success? Looking at those around him, a man thinks about how he looks compared to them, what they have achieved and what he himself has achieved.

Modern society regards a person as successful if he has achieved great results in the social or professional sphere.

That is why generally accepted symbols are used, including:

• availability of a separate apartment;
• personal car;
• successful career;
• high paying job.

It turns out that these are mainly professional and financial aspects of the issue. The ability to feel happy in your personal life is not taken into account. And all because society does not welcome it.

Duration of the crisis

The crisis of 30 years in men does not have clear boundaries, since they are individual. Someone can spend years in a depressed state, while others come out of it in just a couple of months.

Factors that are important here are:

• support from the immediate environment, in particular family;
• financial stability;
• human character traits and temperament;
• professional status;
• the role a person occupies in society.

The depth of the crisis and its duration also depend on the complexes that may have persisted in a person’s consciousness since adolescence.

Possible manifestations

Based on all of the above, let's try to identify the main symptoms of a male crisis:

• feeling of self-pity. It can manifest itself in different ways. Depending on his character, a man can take out his emotions on the people closest to him, expressing regular dissatisfaction and complaints, and also experience them within himself;
• depressed state. A man who has always been outwardly successful suddenly changes his mood at the age of 35. He experiences bouts of depression;
• feeling of emptiness. The crisis of thirty years of age is accompanied by a feeling of emptiness, hopelessness, and loss. It is especially dangerous to leave a person alone during such periods;
• a feeling of being trapped, when a person feels trapped, at a dead end. He thinks that no one is able to help him;
• dissatisfaction with life, when a person is sure that fate has treated him unfairly.

Illogicality and lack of consistency in actions and behavior in general should also be highlighted among the characteristic symptoms. Sometimes life moments happen to which a representative of the stronger sex reacts unconventionally. Those around him get the impression that he has mental problems. But again, the midlife crisis and various kinds of hormonal changes are to blame for this.

If the described condition goes far, the following signs appear:

• loss of interest in a previous hobby. The person is in a state of apathy and does not want to do anything;
• the environment changes. People whose opinions were authoritative lose their importance;
• giving up money, a successful career and fame;
• unpredictable, eccentric behavior;
• mood swings. Sentimentality combines with irritability. For example, a man can watch a heartbreaking film and shed a tear, but not a minute passes before he clings to some trifle and swears at his loved ones;
• hypochondria. This applies to the genital area as much as possible. A man thinks that he has lost his virility. To prove the opposite, he goes to extremes;
• critical attitude towards one's own appearance. A man finds fault with his appearance, tries to find wrinkles and gray hair. He expresses irritation at the appearance of his belly;
• constant worries about the future. A midlife crisis pushes a man to talk more and more often about death and take stock of his existence.

What to do?

It is necessary to convince a man that what is happening in his life is nothing more than summing up, a transition to a qualitatively new stage. This is a great opportunity to get rid of what you don't need. At the same time, he can accept the good that has necessarily come into his reality over the past years.

• don’t despair and try to overcome yourself. If a man wants to change his environment, his job, or make renovations at home, then let him follow his desires. You can also get rid of bad habits, go on vacation with your family more often and take up some kind of sport;
• Each of us has our own old dreams. If a man dreamed of something in his youth, for example, learning a new profession or jumping with a parachute, you can think about turning your plans into reality;
• During a period of mental weakness, a person is usually focused on himself and his experiences. However, at such moments the interests of loved ones may suffer, so you should try to pay attention to them too. A man must remember that he still remains the head of the family, on whom the people closest to him rely. He is still responsible for their fate and further existence;
• It is very important to learn to enjoy any little things that bring joy to one degree or another.

Impact on the sexual sphere

The problem has some physiological basis. This is the male menopause. The lack of awareness of some representatives of the stronger sex leads to the fact that most of them are not aware of the existence of such a phenomenon. And it’s somehow not customary in our country to discuss such things. Even experts, for the most part, prefer to remain silent about this.

Hormonal changes in the body occur. The production of sex hormones decreases. This process is commonly called andropause. It is accompanied by a decrease in libido. Interest in the opposite sex decreases, and this is normal. The peak of sexual activity is typical for young guys.

Some perceive this phenomenon calmly, while others, frankly speaking, go crazy. Instead of switching to something else, such men look for reasons in others. If a person is married, then his wife may become the object of his attacks. If by that time she begins to grow old and gain weight, it seems to her husband that this is the reason for her lack of desire.

As a result, the spouse begins to look for adventures on the side. He who is conscious does not leave his family. But there are also many who begin to behave in accordance with the proverb: “gray hair in a beard means a devil in a rib.” Unreasonable behavior under these circumstances can lead to health problems.

Wife's behavior

The woman you love will have to be patient and help a loved one. During an unfavorable period for the family, it is extremely important for spouses to talk. A husband needs to feel important and significant for his family. The love and care of loved ones will help him quickly get out of endless worries. It is necessary to make him understand that his family and friends need him in any case, regardless of his success.

In conclusion

Men rarely turn to psychologists, so more often than not, attempts to persuade their spouse to go to a specialist do not yield any results. But adding variety to family life has a good effect when joint trips to the theaters, swimming pools are organized, there is a passion for extreme sports, etc. It is also recommended to try something new in sex with your partner, this always brings you closer and gives new breath to the relationship .

All these measures are aimed at showing that life does not end at 30!

Crisis of 30 years for men! Sooner or later all men go through this.

I found an interesting article about the crisis of 30 years in men.

Crises, crises, crises... Our whole life is continuous crises. Before you have time to get out of one, the next one is already in wait. Or is it simply beneficial to think this way for those who do not want to make efforts to overcome problematic life situations and psychological discomfort?

Yes, there are comrades who explain all their life failures and inaction by the next life crisis: they say, well, what can I do, I feel so bad, I have a crisis, I need sympathy... And their loved ones, who unwittingly play along with them, constantly feeling sorry for them and trying get out of this state. Nevertheless, even if some abuse the state of crisis for their, let’s say, selfish purposes, it is generally pointless to deny their existence.

The crisis of 30 years becomes a landmark for many families. And men often experience it much harder than women. First, because men are naturally more ambitious than women, they are subject to higher social expectations that are difficult to meet. Secondly, because at this age women “have no time”: a small child and household chores do not allow them to immerse themselves for a long time. And it is children and caring for loved ones that become their meaning of life at this stage. And it is precisely the loss of the meaning of life that is an obligatory companion of every crisis period. For men, the emphasis is shifted towards professional self-realization and achieving a certain level of well-being.

The causes of this crisis are obviously directly related to the preceding crisis of youth (21-23 years old), when a young person forms for himself not always realistic life goals. After all, he simply needs to prove to himself and those around him that he is a mature personality and an independent adult, capable of achieving a lot in life.

By the age of 30, on average (for some at 24, for others at 32), with experience comes the realization that many rosy plans are not destined to come true. There is a rethinking of life goals, values ​​and principles. Otherwise, priorities are set. A mature man understands that he will not be able to get everything he planned from life. But a certain level of well-being has already been achieved, family life has already turned into a routine. It seems that there will be no more development and the meaning of life has been lost.

People who suddenly feel that life is finite, and now they are at the peak of it, often get carried away: stupid adultery begins, out of a desire to grab more impressions, to prove to themselves that they are still in their prime and are still attractive to women. Many are addicted to alcohol and smoking. The family depreciates, parents stop caring for their children, and often it is at this time that diseases appear that will later become chronic.

There is such a thing as male menopause. It is at the age of 30 that hormonal changes begin, preparing a man for these changes. If in a woman menopause primarily affects reproductive function, then in a man it affects the central nervous system. Hence the strange behavior, childish habits, and teenage antics. A person either falls into hopeless depression, or feverishly tries to fill his life with something vain, sometimes adding new problems to himself.

Few people are able to immediately understand what exactly is happening to them. Any crisis is pain. The first reaction to pain is an attempt to avoid it, to get away from it. A person blames internal problems on others, first of all, on his loved ones. Escape is the leitmotif of this crisis. A person leaves his job, runs away from his family (seven to eight years of married life is the global peak for divorces); changes profession, changes apartment, moves somewhere far away. He is running from the crisis, that is, from himself.

However, such an escape only delays the need to solve the problem. You can’t ignore your problem, much less try to drown it out with alcohol, computer games or other methods of escaping reality.

To help yourself successfully overcome this crisis period, you need to find a new goal - for example, gain new knowledge, visit a new country. A sharp change in activity and lifestyle will also help keep yourself in good shape. Finally, you should remember that you cannot think only about yourself; there are close people who need to be taken care of.

In turn, loved ones should make an effort so that the internal crisis of a life partner does not become a crisis of family relationships. We must try to convince the man that you are the only one who can not only support you in difficult times, but also pleasantly surprise him. Diversify your life together - an exciting weekend program, experiments in the kitchen and in your sex life, romantic evenings and travel. There must be novelty. Emotional changes are needed.

If a man nevertheless leaves the family during this difficult period for himself, we must try to show patience and wisdom. Most often, his actions are little conscious, but there will be an opportunity to see what the spouse really is and what he will do. Psychologists advise showing initiative, perseverance and not being stingy in showing feelings towards him, and then he will be able to “settle down” in time. The choice should be made at an age when the crisis has been overcome, new horizons have been outlined and the prospects for living together are visible.

As a result of going through an age crisis, a person can acquire both positive and negative qualities. Having survived the crisis, he acquires new opportunities, but at the moment of crisis he has a hard time: psychological breakdowns, exacerbation of old or attacks of new diseases, and even death are possible here. However, each segment of life, separated from the rest by crisis points, has its own goals and content. Crisis 30 forces a person to adjust his life plans taking into account acquired experience and changing priorities. Constructive resolution of this crisis leads to improved self-organization and better time planning, and This means improving the quality of life.

My husband now has something similar to this... he is 29. He is also rethinking his life, moving from apartment to apartment, looking for a new job, began to look at many things differently, I still couldn’t understand what was happening to him... well and the most unpleasant thing is that I recently found out that he was looking at photos of some naked sluts on the Internet and liking these photos and pictures with tits and butts in this group... In short, we are now going through this crisis of his... I hope that this crisis will pass soon ... did your husbands have something similar, as written in the article? what age?

A single man at 32 years old...is this normal?

Today we have been married for 14 years, our daughter is 7 years old! And 32 years is not an age at all, especially for large cities, where people are busy with work and careers, but when you have more or less achieved something, then you can think about having a family!

You shouldn't get married like that! Because they are not used to supporting anyone and taking care of anyone, what kind of husbands are they? It’s like hanging a child around your neck, and even a capricious child whom you couldn’t even raise!

32 years old. Everything about the age of 32 years. Psychology, physiology at 32 years old.

Psychology of age

The crisis of 30 years has been overcome. The time has come to take stock and consider new perspectives. The desires for social recognition and a quiet family life come into harmony. 32 years is the age of self-acceptance. There is an acceptance of one's shortcomings, and therefore a realistic outlook on one's life and society develops.

Sometimes, after summing up life's results, a slight melancholy comes, caused by an understanding of one's age, comprehension of past opportunities, future prospects and social expectations. Sometimes, instead of melancholy, depression may arise after realizing what opportunities there were in youth, how many chances were missed, and how life could have changed.

Physiology of age

A person is considered fully formed and mature. Organs decrease functionality unevenly. From the age of 32, men experience a gradual decrease in hearing; they perceive high-pitched sounds worse. The perception of green color decreases.

Women may notice a network of capillaries on their face or legs. Thus, age-related vascular changes occur. Women are exposed to them earlier than men.

Age Statistics

The population of the Russian Federation in this age period (30-34 years) is thousands of people. Of these, 5,175 thousand are men, 5,267 thousand are women.

Of the population of this age group, only 12.8% are employed in the Russian economy

You were born in 1985 or 1986

1985 - May 16. The beginning of the anti-alcohol campaign in the USSR by decree of the Prisidium of the Supreme Council “on strengthening the fight against drunkenness.”

1986 - February 20. The first manned research orbital station, Mir-1, launched by the USSR, began operating. She operated until March 23, 2001, when she was disabled and sunk in the Pacific Ocean.

1987 - May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old West German citizen, landed on Red Square in Moscow.

1989 - January 11. The Declaration prohibiting the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries.

1990 - August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution imposing a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began.

1991 - January 25. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an environmental disaster.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries, economic reform began, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls.

1994 - January 31. The first images from the Hubble Space Telescope, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development, were demonstrated.

1995 - March 20. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12 people. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested.

1996 - July 4th. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep.

1998 - August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of the economic crisis. The country's government resigned.

1999 - January 1. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro.

2000 - March 26. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life.

2002 - January 1. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy.

2004 - Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power.

2006 - March 29. The first total eclipse of the sun in the 21st century could be observed in Russia.

2007 - Genetics discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

2009 - August 17. A disaster occurred at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - March 18. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused.

2011 - March 11. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami arose, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the group PussyRiot took place, three members of which were detained by the police.

2013 - February 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest celestial body that collided with the surface of the Earth after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured.

2015 - January 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

A man's 30th birthday crisis. Forewarned is forearmed!)

Recently, a 29-year-old client approached me with a request to change jobs. By his age, he already had excellent knowledge of English, professional achievements, and was in good standing with his superiors. But recently he began to be haunted by the feeling that he was moving somewhere in the wrong direction. An acute feeling of unfulfillment, irritability, and depressed mood led to the desire to change careers. However, this readiness was accompanied by complete ignorance of what exactly he wanted, with fears of making the wrong decision. After independent attempts to find myself, passing a bunch of career guidance tests and talking with different people about new employment, clarity did not come. That's how he ended up in my office.

Research results indicate that in the period from 25 to 30 years, every second man experiences one of his first age-related crises. The story I shared is a classic example of what a man faces during this period. This incident prompted me to write this article.

30 years is a kind of milestone, a transition from youth to maturity. As children, we all knew exactly who we were, where we were going, who we wanted to become, and what we needed to be happy. Over the years, under the pressure of circumstances, many people become lost and cease to understand who they are and why they need what is happening to them in life. This is the time when a person becomes especially vulnerable.

At this age, a man experiences a reassessment of values, or, more precisely, a complete collapse of some with subsequent replacement by others. Clouds of thoughts crowd in my head: why am I living? what is all this for? What have I achieved? Have I realized my full potential or not? These questions, worthy of an ancient tragedy, disturb, haunt, and deprive you of sleep.

Frederick Beigbeder said well about this period: “At twenty years old I thought I knew everything about life. At thirty it turned out that I knew nothing. I spent ten years learning what I would then have to throw out of my head.”

A man is by nature a breadwinner and society places very high demands on him. Therefore, at the age of 30, a guy begins, voluntarily or involuntarily, to think about what trophies he has, what peaks he has conquered, what victories he has won, what he has actually achieved, how he can report to society and himself? And these reflections are not always pleasant.

It is then that the first thoughts about missed opportunities, unsuccessful choices and wrong decisions may appear. Often, by the age of 30, the most important steps have already been taken, and it is not always possible to change something: get a different education, change jobs, marry someone else. This can cause fear and panic: what if what I did before was fundamentally wrong, and I'm moving in the wrong direction, wasting time? These feelings are quite difficult to experience, so you would rather run away from them, distract yourself, than accept and analyze them.

Therein lies the first snag. If a person lives through his crisis passively, playing computer games, being distracted in some other way, but not solving the most important problem, the task of the transitional age of 30 remains unsolved. The desired and necessary changes do not happen. In fact, this period is worth paying attention to, because the consequences can sometimes be very sad.

In general, the symptoms of a crisis in a 30-year-old man may be a bad mood for no apparent reason, isolation on himself, refusal to communicate, general physical weakness, problems with his wife, if he has one, quarrels and serious conflicts.

The consequence of the crisis may be a change in lifestyle. For example, leaving the woman you love, quitting one job and moving to another, a radical change of activity, moving.

In fact, what motivates a man at the moment is nothing more than the desire to understand himself, redefine his life priorities, and find answers to the question: “How to live further?”

The second important feature: a man on the threshold of his thirties begins to compare himself with his male peers, with classmates and peers. Fortunately, social networks provide all the opportunities for this. Comparison criteria: how does he look compared to them? What have they achieved and what have I achieved?

In our society, success is usually associated with professional or social activity. Therefore, a man begins to evaluate himself harshly, using generally accepted symbols: a car, his own apartment, a prestigious career, a good salary. That is, these are mainly criteria of a financial and professional nature. At such a moment, the facts that you can be successful in your private life are rarely taken into account. For example, to be a good father or to do what you love, although not highly paid. This is not so glorified by society.

On the other hand, professional success, unfortunately, also does not provide guaranteed protection against a crisis, since a person’s plans can be very, very grandiose.

It is also important to note that in the crisis of thirty years a man seeks reinforcement of his successful social status not so much from women as from mature men whom he respects; the father figure is especially important here. It is this kind of support that is necessary in order to feel yourself also successful and also mature.

The next important point is that at the age of 30 a man experiences the so-called first blow to his male identity, when he feels that in some way, somewhere he does not meet the expectations of society and his parents. And the desire to conform to traditional stereotypes during this period is great.

At the same moment, his success in his personal life is also assessed: is he married or still single? Relatives can also “add fuel to the fire”: “You are already 28, and you still haven’t gotten married.” Doubts about one’s masculine viability begin to creep into one’s soul, and the thought appears that perhaps one urgently needs to get married.

Another important point. Like women at this age, men also have increased anxiety about their physical shape. It is by the age of 30 that someone already has a beer belly or the first health problems. His appearance is compared with his peers or classmates: how much does his physical form meet the ideals of masculinity, strength and attractiveness? You may suddenly feel the urge to exercise and join a gym.

Sometimes a man never finds a way out of the crisis of his thirties. The feeling “something in life is not going at all the way you dreamed and wanted” remains inside. In this case, some men begin to outwardly imitate the behavior of the so-called “alpha males.”

That is, in essence, a substitution occurs: instead of supporting their image of a man with real content, they begin to portray a man through the so-called negative identity. They begin to assert themselves and save their self-esteem by acting despotic towards women. After all, a woman is the second source of confirmation of male identity after recognition from other men.

And the third problem that a young man may feel during this period is powerlessness due to the fact that the world refuses to play by your rules. By the age of 30, you come to the realization that this is not so, that you often have to make compromises, even retreat on some issues. For example, for the sake of professional success or the well-being of your family.

All these circumstances lead a man to a difficult choice: what is really worth devoting his life to? The understanding comes that he will not be able to pay due attention to all his interests, there is not enough time and energy for everything, so he needs to choose what he will really do and how he wants to live.

What to do during such a period? In the troubled time of crisis of 30 years, it is best for a man to temporarily change his type of activity, try himself in something that he has long dreamed of. But it’s better to do this not in radical ways like quitting your job, but by doing something in your free time. Even if the work is completely unbearable, it is still better to give yourself a month. And during this time, clearly decide everything, try to somehow change working conditions, weigh the pros and cons.

Active recreation in some unfamiliar places also helps a lot to survive this period, where you can gain new impressions, change your usual background, and also weigh your values, analyze your victories and achievements, and reflect on your mistakes.

In general, no matter how abstract it may sound, you should try to change something in yourself, start dreaming about something, set a goal for yourself, find value in simple, familiar things. And if, after all the attempts, you can’t cope on your own, then it’s better, of course, to turn to a specialist.

And here I would like to return to the very beginning of the article. Men of 30 years old come for consultations mainly with a request for some changes in their career. This is actually a very important question, because if a woman can somehow assert herself, self-realize in the role of wife and mother, then for a man it is the social environment that is very important, that is, fulfillment in the profession. Therefore, decisions to change careers are often made during this period. Usually it sounds something like this: “It became clear to me that I needed to choose one thing. It’s important for me to set priorities and understand where to move next. On the other hand, I’m afraid to make the wrong choice again and waste time.”

Where is the optimal way out of the troubled times of the thirty-something crisis? Based on client experience, I can say that it lies at the intersection of two planes.

1) At 30, it’s really worth reconsidering your values, goals, priorities and life aspirations. The time has come to understand: what of what was imposed by society, parents, and significant others is really worth continuing. A serious reassessment of values ​​must occur, as a result of which a person either leaves everything as it is, but voluntarily, or finds new ideals.

2) It is important to be very clear about your occupation and the lifestyle you plan to lead next.

It’s great to work during such a period and create a vision for your future life, to pave some clear path to your future goals. This is the period when it is useful to think strategically. A good, detailed, values-based vision motivates in itself, helps to understand the prospects for one’s development, sets direction, and allows one to cope with uncertainty and anxiety. It’s also great to create a personal development plan for 3-5 years, taking into account your strengths and experience.

I would like to note one more point. When comparing yourself to others, it is important to remember where you started. After all, everyone’s starting positions are different. One and the same result can be achieved as if by play, but for another it will become a real victory and the mobilization of all available resources.

This is why, in my opinion, self-support is so important during this period. Others do not know what doubts, obstacles, fears, and unfavorable circumstances you had to go through to find yourself in today and become who you are at the moment.

For self-support during this period, awareness techniques are very useful, allowing you to better feel yourself, your body, and what is happening in life. They perfectly balance the nervous system. It is also useful to work with anger, techniques for managing anger, which can often appear in response to feelings of powerlessness.

To summarize, I would like to say the following. 30 years is an era of change. This is the first serious revision of my life, an attempt to evaluate what I have achieved over the past years. This is the time when, after reassessing values, new, inspiring guidelines are chosen. Therefore, it is more important than ever that during this period someone is nearby, stands on your side, shares new hobbies, and helps you change!

After all, the fun is just beginning!)

In the words of Tony Parsons, author of Man and Boy: “This is what a thirty-year-old should be: mature but not disillusioned, settled but not complacent, worldly wise but not so wise as to throw himself in front of a train. This must be the best time of my life!"

As always, I will be glad to see your comments!)

I invite you to the project “So that your eyes burn!”

The crisis of 30 years has been overcome. The time has come to take stock and consider new perspectives. The desires for social recognition and a quiet family life come into harmony. 32 years is the age of self-acceptance. There is an acceptance of one's shortcomings, and therefore a realistic outlook on one's life and society develops.

Sometimes, after summing up life's results, a slight melancholy comes, caused by an understanding of one's age, comprehension of past opportunities, future prospects and social expectations. Sometimes, instead of melancholy, depression may arise after realizing what opportunities there were in youth, how many chances were missed, and how life could have changed.

Physiology of age

A person is considered fully formed and mature. Organs decrease functionality unevenly. From the age of 32, men experience a gradual decrease in hearing; they perceive high-pitched sounds worse. The perception of green color decreases.

Women may notice a network of capillaries on their face or legs. Thus, age-related vascular changes occur. Women are exposed to them earlier than men.

Age Statistics

The population of the Russian Federation in this age period (30-34 years) is 10,442 thousand people. Of these, 5,175 thousand are men, 5,267 thousand are women.

Of the population of this age group, only 12.8% are employed in the Russian economy

You were born in 1986 or 1987

1986 - February 20. The first manned research orbital station, Mir-1, launched by the USSR, began operating. She operated until March 23, 2001, when she was disabled and sunk in the Pacific Ocean.

April 26. At the Chernobyl nuclear power plant, located near Kyiv, a power unit exploded. The Soviet authorities disseminated a message about this only after Finland, Denmark and Sweden reported an increased background of radiation in their territories. About 600,000 people were involved in eliminating the consequences of the accident, many of whom died from radiation sickness and other diseases associated with the results of radiation.

1987 — May 29. A small plane piloted by Matthias Rust, a 19-year-old West German citizen, landed on Red Square in Moscow.

The first experimental laser vision correction operation was performed. It was performed by Columbia University doctor Steven Trockel, who, in collaboration with other scientists, published several papers describing the benefits of an experimental laser for corneal tissue in surgery to correct myopia, hyperopia and astigmatism.

Yasser Arafat, leader of the PLO, recognized the existence of the State of Israel.

1989 - January 11. The Declaration prohibiting the use of poisonous gases, chemical and bacteriological weapons was signed by representatives of 149 countries.

March 27. A state of emergency has been declared in the United States after the Exxon Valdez tanker was damaged in Prince William Sound. As a result of this damage, approximately 64 million liters of oil leaked into the sea on March 24.

November 9. The East German government announced the opening of the border with West Germany. On November 10, East Germany began demolishing the Berlin Wall.

1990 — August 6. The UN Security Council approved a resolution imposing a military and trade embargo against Iraq. A protracted oil and military conflict with Iraq began.

November 22. The “Iron Lady” of world politics, Margaret Thatcher, Prime Minister of Great Britain, publicly announced her resignation.

December. A referendum was held in Croatia regarding secession from Yugoslavia. The overwhelming majority of citizens voted to leave. The formal disintegration of Yugoslavia began.

1991 - January 25. Iraq is dumping oil reserves into the Persian Gulf. This threatens an environmental disaster.

December 8th. Representatives of Russia, Belarus and Ukraine sign an agreement on the Creation of a Commonwealth of Independent States, to which 5 more countries of the former Soviet Union join on December 21.

December 25th. USSR President Mikhail Gorbachev resigns. The USSR officially ceases to exist.

1992 - February 2. In many CIS countries, economic reform began, which consisted of price liberalization - the abolition of centralized price controls.

The beginning of the era of GSM communications. This year, Germany launched a GSM communication system, which was subsequently used as a prototype for many operators around the world.

October 4. Government tanks are shooting at the White House in Moscow. As a result of the incident, 150 people die. The system of power in Russia has changed dramatically. This marked the beginning of the creation of a presidential-parliamentary republic.

December 12. Referendum on the adoption of the Constitution of the Russian Federation. 58.4% of citizens were in favor of adoption.

1994 - January 31. The first images from the Hubble Space Telescope, which photographs galaxies at an early stage of their development, were demonstrated.

May 6. The Channel Tunnel, connecting England and France, was opened. The total length of the tunnel is 50 kilometers, 38 kilometers are laid under the sea itself.

December 11. Fighting began in the Chechen Republic. The troops of the Russian Federation begin fighting. The fighting did not stop until an agreement was signed to end the war in Khasavyurt (until 08/30/1996).

The first book on CD appeared in the USA. By the end of the year, most encyclopedias had been created or translated into this format.

1995 - March 20. Nerve gas was used in the Tokyo subway in Japan, killing 5,000 people and killing 12 people. On May 16, Soko Asahara, the leader of the religious sect Aum Shinrikyo, was arrested.

The first artificial liver was tested, performed by German surgeon Peter Neu Haus.

1996 — July 4th. B.N. Yeltsin becomes President of the Russian Federation for the second time. This is the first time the same person has been re-elected to the post of President of Russia.

A test began to be used to detect AIDS. Proteins produced by the virus were detected in the blood, which made it possible to diagnose the disease at an early stage.

1997 - February 22. Scottish scientists announced the birth of the only surviving embryo, a clone of an adult sheep. Dolly was born on July 5, 1996 without any abnormalities and lived until February 14, 2003 as an ordinary sheep.

July 4th. A rover designed to collect and analyze Martian soils has landed on the surface of Mars.

1998 — August 17. In Russia, the ruble depreciated, which led to an aggravation of the economic crisis. The country's government resigned.

September 24. The first transplant of a limb from a deceased patient to a living one took place. A hand and forearm were transplanted in the city of Lyon, France.

December 12. The first organ transplant to a child was performed in the United States. A three-year-old Florida boy received a heart, lung and liver transplant at a Pennsylvania hospital.

1999 - January 1. Most countries of the European Union have switched to paying in the new European currency – the euro.

March 24. The first NATO air raid was carried out on Yugoslavia. The US invaded a sovereign state that was not threatened by a third party.

2000 - March 26. Election of V.V. Putin to the post of President of the Russian Federation. The official inauguration took place on May 7.

A robotic developmental doll has been created in the USA. She knew how to talk, laugh, cry, blink, make grimaces. In the process of communicating with people, she increased her vocabulary and reached the development level of a two-year-old child.

The first medicinal products were created in Novosibirsk, the prefix “Bifido” was added to the usual name. They contain a liquid concentrate of bifidobacteria, which have a positive effect on the intestinal microflora, prevent the development of pathogenic microbes and nourish the body with B vitamins and vitamin K. Such products quickly gained popularity among buyers.

2001 - January 15. The official launch of the English site Wikipedia took place - a resource that today has become an assistant in quickly obtaining encyclopedic data in all areas of life.

September 11th. The largest terrorist attack in world history was committed in the United States. As a result, the Pentagon was damaged, the Trade Center was destroyed, and human losses amounted to about three thousand people.

2002 - January 1. The European Union introduced euro coins and banknotes, which became the single currency for most EU countries and played an important role in stabilizing the global European economy.

October. After 50 years, the restoration of the railway between North and South Korea began.

October 23. In Moscow, Russia, Chechen terrorists took hostages at the Nord-Ost theater center on Dubrovka. Three days later, on October 26, all the terrorists were killed during the assault by special forces. One of the hostages died from a bullet wound, the remaining 116 people died from exposure to the gas used during the assault.

2004 — Bloodless revolutions took place in Georgia, Ukraine, and Kyrgyzstan, as a result of which more democratic leaders came to power.

May 1st. The European Union has expanded its scope with the inclusion of ten new countries.

2005 - January 5. Eris, the largest of the dwarf planets in our solar system, has been discovered.

2006 - March 29. The first total eclipse of the sun in the 21st century could be observed in Russia.

August 24. Scientists have stripped Pluto of its planetary status. This decision was made at the congress of the International Union of Astronomers in Prague, Czech Republic.

2007 — Genetics have discovered modifications in the human body that are responsible for the development of certain diseases. After DNA analysis, it became possible to identify a predisposition to certain diseases.

November 4. Presidential elections took place in the United States. The first black president in the history of the state, Barack Obama, became the head of the state.

2009 — August 17. A disaster occurred at the Sayano-Shushenskaya hydroelectric power station. Hundreds of people became victims. The cause of the problems was a series of shortcomings and a failure in the redistribution of electricity in the power system.

2010 - March 18. Russian mathematician Grigory Perelman proved the Poincaré conjecture, which was considered one of the unsolvable Problems of the Millennium. For this, the Clay Mathematical Institute awarded him a prize of $1 million, which he refused.

April 10. A plane crash occurred over Smolensk, in which Lech Kaczynski, the President of Poland, his wife Maria Kaczynskaya, the high military command, Polish politicians, as well as religious and public figures (97 people in total) died.

The first living cell was created in which its own DNA was replaced with DNA created artificially. Humanity has received new tools for developing technologies for artificially growing organs.

2011 - March 11. In Japan, off the northeastern coast, an earthquake occurred, the magnitude of which reached 8.9. As a result of the earthquake, a devastating tsunami arose, as a result of which over 15 thousand people died, several thousand are considered missing.

May 2. Osama bin Laden, the “No. 1” terrorist in the world, the leader of Al-Qaeda, who, in particular, is considered responsible for the September 11 terrorist attack, was killed.

September 7. An international charter flight crashed near Yaroslavl. On board the plane was the team of the Lokomotiv hockey club, which was flying to Minsk. 44 people died, one survived.

2012 - February 21. In Moscow, in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior, a scandalous punk prayer service of the group PussyRiot took place, three members of which were detained by the police.

December 1st. Russia has led the G20 (G20), a forum of representatives of countries with the most developed economies: Australia, Japan, Argentina, South Africa, Brazil, South Korea, Great Britain, France, Germany, Turkey, India, USA, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Mexico, Canada, China.

2013 - February 15. A meteorite fell in the Urals - the largest celestial body that collided with the surface of the Earth after the Tunguska meteorite. Because of the “Chelyabinsk” meteorite (it exploded in the vicinity of Chelyabinsk), 1,613 people were injured.

February 15. Asteroid 2012 DA14 flew by at the minimum distance from planet Earth (27,000 km). This was the closest distance in the entire history of astronomy.

March 18. Putin V.V. signed an agreement on the admission of the Crimean Peninsula and Sevastopol to Russia. This agreement comes into force from the moment of ratification by the Federal Assembly - March 21.

2015 - January 7. A terrorist attack took place at the office of the satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo in Paris, based on a caricature of the Prophet Mohammed previously posted in the magazine. 12 people were killed and 11 people were injured.

If you are about to turn 30 years old and you suddenly begin to doubt the correctness of your path and the relationships in which you are in, and you begin to fear that you will never achieve success in life, you have obvious symptoms of a 30-year-old crisis.

As in the case of the crisis of forty-year-olds, the “trigger” for 30-year-olds is a completely false attitude that by a certain age you need to understand everything about yourself. This approach is fraught with doubt and anxiety: you feel that life has deviated from the correct trajectory or does not meet your expectations. In order to calmly say to yourself: “I have come to where I should be,” you must first learn to distinguish the symptoms characteristic of entering Balzac’s age. Here are some of them:

Lying about your age

Even if you started your battle with aging as soon as you left university, most women are not afraid to celebrate their birthdays until they turn 25. If you have started to downplay your age, you are in the throes of a 30-year crisis.

Feel like a failure

If, as you approach your 30th birthday, you have the feeling that you are late on all counts (especially if you compare yourself with your own mother at this age) and there is something in your life that, in your opinion, is important and obligatory, - for example, you are not married or you do not have children - there is no use in being nervous about this and tormenting yourself. The most important thing to do by this age is to understand what you want to get from life and what you need to do to achieve it, and not count what you already have!

For some women, past achievements, personal or professional, that they were once very proud of, after some time may no longer seem so important and bright, especially in comparison with their new understanding of success in life. Be careful, depression may await you along this path! Just keep in mind that regretting what you haven't done is one of the symptoms of a crisis.

Constantly compare yourself to others

The crisis of 30 years is fueled by comparing oneself with other people of the same age. You feel bitterly that your life is not up to par. You can, of course, go on Facebook and stroll through the personal pages of all your friends and even enemies. But be careful! Facebook has been scientifically proven to increase feelings of envy and loneliness.

Another danger is “imposter syndrome.” You have succeeded in business and have achieved success in life, but you doubt yourself and are not confident in your own abilities. Many successful women may suffer from the so-called “imposter syndrome”: it seems to you that everything in your life was not done by you, and you are only skillfully pretending to be a successful woman.

Thinking about career changes

Realizing that your job has nothing in common with your youthful dreams, you are thinking about quitting or even a radical change of profession. Psychotherapist Paul Cullan believes that such thoughts are typical for women aged 28 to 32 years. Your new image of an adult woman does not mean that you spend more money than you earn, but if the state of your finances suddenly begins to seem even more pitiful to you than usual, this is also one of the signs of the crisis of 30 years.

Feel cheap

It is quite possible that, having become ten years older, you look differently at your own behavior and what once seemed important. In modern society, a woman is faced with a variety of opportunities and opinions. Sometimes making a choice is very difficult. Take your time, think carefully! Many people notice that work has completely subordinated their personal life. The pressure you feel in your personal and professional life makes you want to find stability. At the same time, you began to worry more about love failures.

“Despondency and stress, as a consequence of a breakup in a romantic relationship or the complete absence of such a relationship, can intensify after the age of 25,” says personal coach Christine Assle. Wasting time watching endless TV series, evening after evening, night after night, can also be symptomatic of the crisis of this age. If you have completely stopped communicating with friends and repeatedly refuse invitations to go to the cinema or chat with friends in a cafe, then you will probably need some more time to cope with psychological problems.

Typically, the crisis begins at the age of 28–32, when the processes of reassessment of values ​​and goals, search for a place in adult society are most pronounced, conflicts of adolescence are finally resolved, and new responsibilities are acquired.

People differ in their behavior patterns depending on the choices they made in their twenties. It is believed that each behavior model has its own set of psychological problems associated with how effectively a person solves his development problems.

Women's behavior patterns

“Caring”: features of self-identification

Such women get married around the age of 20 (or earlier) and do not plan to go beyond the role of a housewife. They fail to solve the problems that a person faces at the age of twenty: gaining autonomy and independence, forming an identity, a holistic image of “I” that combines different elements of personality. A woman can break away from her parents and family, but still not become independent: her husband still takes on parental functions (economic and control).

With this model, there are several possibilities for pathological identification: through the husband and his achievements, through children, through sex and through hoarding.

When identified through her husband, a woman faces the loss of her own individuality. Status is gained through the husband's achievements and possession of things.

Another identification possibility is to become a mother. The birth of a child serves as “proof” of the feminine essence. Therefore, many unemployed women continue to give birth again and again, not knowing what to do with themselves. In the future, when children grow up and leave home, solving the problem of finding oneself will become even more difficult.

Sex can be a cure for boredom and routine life, but it cannot be a full-fledged means of self-identification. Trying to assert herself through sex, a housewife often begins to look for pleasure on the side.

The crisis of the thirtieth birthday finds a woman with a “caring” model of behavior unprepared and vulnerable to the blows of fate: she is deprived of independence, passive, economically dependent, and has no education or profession. The task of development is complicated by family problems and a lag in the professional sphere from peers. With a negative resolution of the crisis, regression to the previous stage of development and the emergence of neuroses are possible.

“Either-Or”: An Efficient Model

These women at 20 must make a choice between love and children or work and education. There are 2 types of such women: some put off thoughts about a career until a later date, but, unlike the “caring” ones, after some time they still intend to make a career. Others seek to complete their education first, postponing motherhood, and often marriage, to a later period.

In the first case, the advantage is that the woman gets the opportunity to do a lot of internal work, which will help her in the future accurately determine her priorities. Unlike “caring” women, such women have overcome the crisis of transition from early youth to adulthood, defined life goals (family, work), and laid the foundation for a future career. The danger of this development model is that if the resolution of the crisis is postponed to a later date, there may be a loss of professional skills and increased competition among peers.

Studies of women who chose the second type of “either-or” model are quite small. Typically, such women are the firstborn in the family; their mothers have no influence on them. The typical content of a crisis is a sudden realization that they have little time left, a feeling of loneliness. Women begin to visit doctors, change partners, and try to get married. The problem is that it is difficult for an independent woman who has reached a certain position to find an equal partner; men often tend to fear them.

There is also a group of women who manage to balance reciprocity with individuality. They first make a career, and then get married and become mothers around the age of 30. This model is the most effective: its advantage is that events can be planned, and the woman becomes more prepared for the crisis of her thirtieth birthday.

"Integrators": main difficulties

Such women try to combine marriage and motherhood with a career. The content of the crisis is that the woman feels tired, overwhelmed by tasks, guilty before her family, and she constantly has to sacrifice something. According to some researchers, a woman is able to combine these roles only by the age of 35.

Often women cannot withstand the stress and for some time refuse either work or marriage and raising children. Others find a more positive way out, redistributing household responsibilities with their husbands, working part-time, or using the services of nannies.

Modern family models and certain progress in the views of society suggest many positive ways out of such a crisis.

"Women Who Never Get Married" including nannies, educators, “office wives.” Some women from this group are homosexual, some refuse sex altogether. Some become community workers and direct their creative abilities to caring for the world. However, there are also women who are ready to exclude all other attachments in order to devote their lives to famous people.

“Unsustainable”: crisis every day

At the age of 20, such women choose impermanence, travel through life, changing place of residence, occupation and sexual partners. A woman who has chosen this model of behavior prefers not to be defined in any way in life: she does not have a regular income, often wanders and, as a rule, has an immature personality, has low self-esteem, and lives for today.

Contents of the crisis: by the age of 30, a woman gets tired of the “free life” and faces the problem of further self-determination. In fact, it must solve the problems of both adolescence and thirty years of age. In extreme cases, development may be delayed to such an extent that the person is unable to enter the next period. He feels overwhelmed by new challenges while he struggles with old ones. Often women from the “unstable” category are at risk: they are characterized by destructive behavior and alcohol and drug abuse. If the outcome of the crisis is negative, the problems worsen and the woman becomes “stuck” at the teenage stage.