Instructions

Remember the good moments that happened and are happening in life. You may not notice them or prefer not to pay attention to small joys, but this does not mean that they do not happen to you almost every day. Maybe you read a new book, took a good photo of your child, or heard a compliment from a stranger? Agree, thinking about good things is much more pleasant than thinking about unpaid bills or missed opportunities.

Don't regret what happened to you in the past. Even if the trouble happened yesterday, in any case it is already history. The past is valuable only because on its basis in the present you have become what you are. If you feel the need to correct a mistake, then give it a try. If not, stop replaying the unpleasant situation in your head and let it go. Otherwise, like a wasp, she will prevent you from focusing on what is important right now, and will try to sting you again and again.

Negative thoughts hinder any development, because if you are in a sad or irritated mood, nothing goes well. Perhaps you yourself are aware that the thoughts that worry you are, in fact, not so large-scale and terrible. Then ask yourself just one question: “Will this still matter to me in five years?” Agree, in most cases, instead of answering, a slight smile will appear on your lips.

Don't sit idle. To distract yourself from bad thoughts, take one more step towards your goal, take up your favorite hobby, go somewhere you have never been before, play with your child, play sports or just get some sleep. If you are not busy with anything, then your restless thoughts, like cockroaches, will begin to run into your head and will not give you peace. And satisfaction from pleasant activities will give positive emotions, thanks to which a good mood and new ideas will appear.

Sources:

how not to get hung up on a man

A change of environment and a new type of activity will help you stop focusing on a problem. Make drastic changes in your life and you simply won’t have time to dwell. Checked!

Instructions

The changes must be truly dramatic. For example, get a new job or take one handbag and go on a trip. If this seems like an impossible plan for change in your life, then your new role will help you get a shake-up in your usual way of everyday life. Get a job as a toastmaster in a restaurant for one evening. Remember that the mood of the assembled guests will depend on your manner of conduct. Here the focus will be on something else - on involving all the guests in common games, round dances, and chants. Or take private lessons from a magician, or delve into learning foreign languages. In a word, try to captivate yourself so that there is simply no time left to dwell on the problem.

You may be advised to stay alone in a quiet place, for example, on the seashore, ocean, and think about your life and the problem you are fixated on. This advice will be useful for you if you have a couple of thousand conventional units in your pocket for a trip to the sea, and you can deal with yourself, without the risk of falling into a deep, protracted crisis, when even the white light will not be nice. To avoid testing yourself, go to a psychologist. Together it will be easier for you to figure out what makes you obsess and analyze your behavior. Entrust your psychological health to a professional, as many pop and film stars do abroad.

An easy and quick way to distract yourself from obsessing over a problem is to ride a roller coaster at an amusement park. Choose for yourself a truly scary attraction, where they turn it upside down, where they circle in a chaotic manner, in general, the carousel from which you will walk away for a long time, and which will leave an indelible impression on your soul. Your thoughts will be well “ventilated” on the rides and the headache will definitely go away, although another one may begin, but this is a different topic of conversation.

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Dreams about a future baby are wonderful. But if you can’t get pregnant, thoughts on this topic can become a real obsession. Constantly thinking about what you are doing wrong, endless discussions of the problem with your husband, mother and friends prevent you not only from leading a normal life, but also from achieving the desired pregnancy.

Instructions

Enjoy life. While you don’t have a baby, you can afford a lot - for example, go away with your husband for a couple of days, organizing a romantic weekend. Fall in love with your spouse, do not waste time communicating with each other - this is the surest way to come to the desired one. Make love as often as possible.

Do not pay attention to ovulation and menstruation schedules. The knowledge that this time nothing will work out keeps you tense and does not allow you to relax. Forget about schemes - let it become an unexpected and pleasant gift for you.

Decide to have a serious conversation with your husband. Talk to him about your doubts and expectations. Come up with a plan together. For example, decide that if pregnancy still does not occur after a year, you will decide to participate in an in vitro fertilization program. And if this doesn’t help, consider adopting the baby. This decision will relieve you of the burden of responsibility and help you forget about your problems for a while.

If you can’t relax, consult a good psychotherapist. An experienced specialist will talk to you - perhaps you just need to be listened to carefully, without imposing your own point of view. Sometimes a professional conversation helps to determine priorities and understand oneself. If the doctor recommends a sedative or vitamin complexes, do not refuse - obsessive thoughts, insomnia and tearfulness may be the result of a lack of important microelements in the body.

Think about work. Don't fall into a routine - take on a new project and evaluate your career prospects. Or maybe you should think about starting your own business? If no changes are expected on the professional front, remember a forgotten hobby or pick up something new. Sign up for a foreign language course, an art studio or yoga class, take up artistic embroidery or dancing.

Do not waste time on thematic and forums where you are used to discussing your problems with the same sufferers. This will return you to a vicious circle. Cross out “children’s” sites from your life for a while - you will definitely return there when you really need experienced mothers.

The ability to overcome yourself, pull yourself together and calm down is useful to every person. Because no one is immune from a critical situation in which this skill will come in handy.

Breathing exercises - a way to eliminate anxiety

Anxiety can strike quite suddenly. Waking up in the morning on the eve of an important event, there is no feeling of anxiety, everything goes smoothly and naturally, but as soon as you are one step away from the event, jitters appear and the nervous system plays a cruel joke. Excitement is most often accompanied by rapid heartbeat, lack of air, and confusion in thoughts. Breathing exercises will help correct this situation. With the help of a simple exercise, you can bring yourself to your senses, relieve excess muscle tension, and saturate your body with oxygen in a few minutes. You need to inhale through your nose, counting to yourself from 1 to 5, and exhale through your mouth to the count of 6,7,8. In this case, you should fill the entire chest with oxygen, and not raise your shoulders.

The ability to get distracted and forget yourself

It is very useful to distract yourself when you are very worried. There is no need to think about the problem; you should focus your thoughts on something pleasant. Watching TV, listening to music, reading, doing physical labor, and shopping will help you get distracted.

Coping with your emotions is sometimes required in the workplace after a quarrel with an employee or after a reprimand from your boss. There is no need to get hung up on the situation, constantly twisting it in your head, you should just draw a conclusion and look at the conflict from the outside. You can sit in a chair, close your eyes, relax to relieve muscle tension, or go outside to get some fresh air.

It is human nature to think about the events of the past day before going to bed. Doing this is contraindicated because it can lead to insomnia or nightmares. All problems should be discussed over dinner. It is even recommended to write down the solution to the problem on paper to free your brain from this information. The bedroom should promote relaxation and sound sleep. Therefore, you need to remove the TV, computer and all distracting little things from it. Before going to bed, you can drink a glass of warm milk with honey and take a bath with essential oils (lavender, valerian, pine needles).

Physical activity

Mental activity will help you come to your senses quickly. You can do arithmetic calculations in your head, counting to ten. This way the brain stops obsessing over disturbing thoughts, its work is enhanced by the influx of oxygen. Walking in nature, watching animals and birds will also help you come to your senses. Any physical activity will have a beneficial effect. You can go to the beach and swim in the pond. Water will take away all the negativity, and the body will tone up. After a long swim, there will be no strength left to think about the bad.

Decisiveness is one of the manifestations of will. It is simultaneously capable of disciplining a person and allowing him to commit seemingly reckless actions. However, not everyone is ready to turn their life around with one or more decisions.

Instructions

No one is born with this quality. It has to be cultivated either due to forced circumstances, or in order to train the will for possible surprises in the future. Having made a decision, a person of strong will persists and reaches the finish line, while an insecure person will justify failures by external circumstances.

Indeed, circumstances play a serious role in our lives. Often they are capable of unsettling (death of loved ones, forced relocation, military action, bankruptcy). However, you should not dwell on thoughts of possible misfortune. It is important to understand that a person has only one life. Whether this is a lot or a little, no one knows. But it is in your power to make it as rich as possible.

If you are used to weighing the pros and cons, thinking for a long time about making a decision, and having difficulty taking risks, then most likely you will be led astray by external factors or you yourself will become bored with your goal. It must be cherished. And its formulation does not sound “by the way, why not,” but “everything will work out.”

Do you want to make an adventurous decision, but are you worried that it will put your whole life on the line? Think seriously: what is this idea for you? Is one a real goal or an ordinary desire? Know how to distinguish between these concepts. The goal is always thought out, supported by the necessary information, during the day and it stands inviolably in the mind, and nothing can shake your determination to achieve it. Desire is a foggy haze, a kind of gift that, out of nowhere, should fall on you from the sky.

Once you make a decision, take action. As a rule, difficulty arises due to an inner spirit that whispers: “It won’t work.” It's natural to be afraid. There is not a single sane person, regardless of his social status and the size of his wallet, whose knees would not shake on the way to his “crazy” idea. By the way, all great people, before making a decision, clearly realized that a long journey begins with one step, that a mighty oak grows from a small acorn, and that an elephant must be eaten in parts. Take note and show yourself as a determined person.

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Sources:

how to become determined and confident in 2019

We all get into a bad mood from time to time. In the end it passes, but it also happens that you can’t get out of the blues. And all because we don’t know what triggered its appearance. Below we will talk about the most typical causes of bad mood and how you can overcome it.

Guilt

Even a slight feeling of guilt has a huge impact on our mood. Awareness and experience of the negative aspects of our action causes the appearance of negative emotions in us: anxiety, self-flagellation, tension, etc. The best way to get rid of this unpleasant, painful, but sometimes useful feeling is atonement. So, you can apologize for your actions and offer your help. For example, if you forgot a birthday, send a witty and funny apology e-card or a small gift. You will immediately feel much better.

Rejection

Rejection is the most common emotional trauma, especially in the age of social media. When you post your vacation photos on Facebook or Instagram and don't get any “Likes,” you feel bitter and frustrated. However, without knowing all the circumstances, do not take it to heart. People often access social networks while running. For example, waiting for an elevator or in line to see a doctor, stuck in a traffic jam or standing in front of a traffic light, while traveling on public transport. If your friends didn’t respond, they were probably busy. Send them a message asking them to look at your photos if it's that important to you.

Unsolved problems

Our imaginary list of tasks that we consider obligatory to complete can become firmly stuck in our heads and constantly pester us. Naturally, this can spoil our mood. But in order to regain your cheerfulness, there is no need to complete every task without exception. Research has found that drawing up a plan to solve your problems is quite enough to get rid of self-criticism and improve your mood. So, set a time to complete the task, set a reminder alarm on your phone, and you will feel the sad mood leaving you.

Looping

Many of us have repeatedly caught ourselves replaying certain events that happened several days, weeks and even months ago. If you feel like you're fixated on something, thinking about it more and more, use distraction techniques. Research shows that even taking a 2-minute distraction (such as doing a crossword puzzle or playing puzzle games like Candy Crush or Sudoku) can help you break the chain of negative thoughts and improve your mood.

Low self-esteem

Sometimes we wake up thinking that everything is wrong with us, although there are no obvious reasons for this. Our level of self-esteem tends to change constantly, and it is important to be able to maintain it when it declines.

The best way to increase your self-esteem is to be active. It is impossible to raise your self-esteem by sitting idle and moving. Do what brings you joy. This will give you satisfaction and peace of mind. Any positive experience raises the level of endorphins (good mood hormones) in the blood.

Devote your free time to your personal hobbies, wear your favorite dress, call the person who truly appreciates and loves you. You will feel much better. This will certainly increase your self-esteem, and therefore your mood.

Fear of failure

A person, experiencing fear of failure before a sports competition, presentation of a new project or exam, often does not believe in his success, focusing on difficulties, and thinking about defeat. Thoughts about possible failure can even make him give up trying to do anything at all. What can you do to cope with this painful feeling of fear? First of all, it is necessary to carry out good preparatory work, recreate a model of future activities and plan it carefully. Believe in yourself, enjoy what you do. Take possible failure as a springboard to success.

Feeling isolated

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the whirlwind of everyday life that we begin to neglect our emotional and social needs. As a result, there is a feeling of isolation from the people around us. To get rid of this feeling of isolation, call your loved one, take a break, play with your pet. Studies have found that even very short interactions with familiar people improve your mood.

Minor troubles

In the course of our daily lives, small hassles such as incorrect phone bills, faulty cable TV, and car breakdowns can ruin our mood. How to improve it? Look at things from a broader perspective and ask yourself, will you still remember this in a year? If not, then don't be upset. To maintain a good mood, do the following exercise: make a list of 5 things for which you are grateful. They should be of great importance to you - for example, your children are healthy, you have a good job, good friends, etc.

Feeling hungry

This reason is quite obvious, but strangely enough, we often do not take it into account. The feeling of hunger affects our mood much more than we think. If it's been a long time since you last ate, have a snack.

Fatigue

This position is as obvious as the previous one, but is often ignored. Lack of sleep significantly affects our mental alertness, creativity and especially our mood. If possible, take a nap for about 15 minutes. Even such a short sleep can replenish the lack of energy and drive away a bad mood.

FinExecutive Russia website 2019-02-18

Ten simple ways to avoid obsessing over a problem

Below are ten simple techniques to help you avoid overthinking simple things.

At first glance, this may seem strange: the more you think, the better, right? But this approach is not always correct and can lead to serious difficulties. The more energy you devote to thinking, the more difficult it is to formulate a final decision, move from thoughts to actions, and overcome the stress that accompanies any problem.

If all this sounds familiar, here are ten simple ways to break the vicious cycle.

1. Forewarned is forearmed.

Before you overcome the habit of dwelling on problems, you need to learn to determine the beginning of this process by characteristic signs. If you feel the first signs of irritation, find yourself in doubt or under pressure from an uncertain external force, try to look at the situation from the outside. Look soberly at the current situation and your actions in it. By having an understanding of the big picture, you can influence it in a way that benefits you.

2. Don't frame consequences in a negative way.

In most cases, your plunge into a whirlpool of doubt and uncertainty is caused by only one emotion - fear. It paralyzes you at the very moment when you begin to frantically imagine all the negative consequences that await you if you make a mistake. Next time you find yourself on the edge of this “abyss,” stop. Stop and think about the positive consequences your actions will have. Visualize them, and henceforth return to this image when making your final decision.

3. Find a pleasant alternative

Sometimes it is useful to take your mind off the problem for a while and devote time to activities that are favorable to your mood and bring pleasure. Switch your activities to dancing, meditation, warming up, playing music, drawing or hobbies - anything that can distract you from thinking about the problem and help you change your mind in a positive way.

It is very easy to imagine many things to be much more significant and frightening than they really are. The next time you find yourself making a big deal out of a big deal, answer a simple question: How important will this problem be in five years? Or even in a month? This question will immediately put everything in its place and help you look at the situation in perspective, which will help you stop all unnecessary thoughts.

5. Don't strive for perfection

This point is very important in any situation. If you're waiting for the perfect conditions, stop now. Of course, a bit of perfectionism can be useful, but you will never be in perfect condition, and conditions will never work out perfectly for you. As soon as you start to think that something needs to be perfected, remember that such tactics are counterproductive and have never brought success to anyone.

Whatever your fear is based on: a bad previous experience, statistics or ordinary anxiety, always remember: just because something didn’t work out in the past, it doesn’t mean it will never work out. Remember, any failure is only an opportunity to start over, with new experience and knowledge.

7. Make time work for you

Create your own limit. Five minutes is your time to worry, think and analyze. As soon as the time is up, set a new timer - ten minutes to isolate and write down on a sheet of paper everything that haunts you. As soon as the time is up, feel free to throw away the piece of paper and move on to productive activities - - don’t spend a minute more in doubt.

8. Accept an uncertain future.

We are all limited only by the present, and no one can predict the future. If you spend your time worrying about the future, you are only wasting your precious time. Devoting your thoughts to a possible future is simply unproductive - it’s better to fill it with what makes your present brighter.

9. Accept yourself

The fear that underlies most doubts is based on one thought - that you are not good enough; not smart enough, not capable enough, not tough enough. But do your best, and no matter how external circumstances turn out, you will know that you did the best you can. If not, try again and give it your all this time.

10. Rejoice

Your mind cannot be happy and sorry at the same time, so why not choose the most positive option. Every day, make a list of what you are happy with and what made you happy today. Take only the best from what surrounds you.

Everyone can get stuck in their own problems. But if you manage to stop going in circles and direct this energy to useful things, your life will only change for the better.

Many of us replay conversations that have already taken place in our heads: “Why did he say that?”, “I made a complete fool of myself!”, “That’s what I should have said…” Perhaps you are worried about an upcoming meeting at work, a party that takes place over the weekend, or due to filing a tax return: “How will my presentation go?”, “What if my ex comes to the party?”, “What if I fill out the return incorrectly?”

Deep down we know that such thoughts only harm, but their whirlpool continues to suck us in. If you encounter a similar problem, one of the techniques may help you.

1. Ask yourself if these thoughts are productive.

Would another “mental rehearsal” for your upcoming meeting with your boss help? Maybe it's time to admit that you have already prepared enough and you need to trust your intuition?

Will the incident you keep replaying in your head still be important five years from now, or are you exaggerating its importance?

3. Schedule according to biological rhythms

What time are you usually at your best physically, mentally and emotionally? If you find it easier to concentrate in the morning, try to use this time to tackle difficult projects; they may seem overwhelming in the afternoon. If you are full of energy in the evening, plan important meetings and tasks for the afternoon.

4. Focus on sensations

What are you hearing, seeing, touching, smelling and tasting right now? Concentrating on sensations will help you return to the present moment.

5. Stop chasing perfection

None of us are perfect or can be. We are constantly changing, developing, but we will never know everything in the world. Instead, you should make the most of the acquired knowledge and information.

6. Accept what you can't change

Perhaps something didn't work out the way you wanted. Maybe you yourself made a mistake. Learn from the situation and forget about it. Don't let the past distract from the present.

7. Accept that you cannot predict or control the future.

Worries and worries about the future will certainly spoil the present.

8. Move more

Take a walk around the block or an extra walk down the hall, go for a run or ride a bike.

9. Realize that you don’t need to understand absolutely everything.

To change a habit, you don't have to understand why you learned it. Sometimes introspection is useful, but often it becomes a convenient excuse for not doing something you don't want to do.

10. Repeat phrases that help you concentrate and calm down.

Tell yourself: “I can handle this”, “Relax!”, “Live in the present moment”, “Solve problems as they arise”, “Everything is fine, I’m safe.” You can also count to ten, exhaling on each count.

11. Solve one problem at a time

How often do you talk on the phone while driving, cooking dinner, or surfing the Internet? You divide your attention between multiple tasks, which leads to information overload, which in turn causes anxiety and obsessive thinking. Learn to concentrate on one thing at a time.

12. When recognizing a problem, focus on the solution.

Think about the best outcome instead of worrying about everything that could go wrong.

13. Think about what you are depriving yourself of through fantasizing or obsessing.

By constantly worrying, you deprive yourself of a state of flow and cannot enjoy the present moment.

14. Think about what obsessive thoughts are saving you from.

Maybe your mental exercises distract you from unpleasant feelings and discoveries? If this is the case, figure out what you are trying to protect yourself from. Don't you lose a lot by doing this?

15. Ask yourself what is in your control and what is not.

Concentrate on what you can change: your attitude to the situation, behavior, decisions. Of course, other people's actions may hurt you, but they are free to do what they want. Also, you cannot change the past, but you can draw conclusions from it. We cannot predict the future, but we can prepare for it.

16. Set aside separate time for worry.

If you decide that the situation really deserves careful consideration, make an appointment with yourself. At the appointed time, set a timer - for example, 15 or 30 minutes. During this time, worry and worry. Take notes if necessary. If the allotted time is not enough, schedule another meeting and postpone worries until then.

17. Develop awareness

Learn to be in the current moment, without making judgments, to notice thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations, maintaining the position of an observer.

18. Practice deep abdominal breathing

It helps you relax and focus on the present moment.

19. Take improv classes

Spontaneity and creativity are qualities that are very useful in life.

20. Help others

When we switch our attention and thoughts to another person or a new thing, we are distracted from our own problems and begin to concentrate on the present.