My eldest daughter Lyubasha was in the spotlight for 12 years of her life - and only in her thirteenth year did she have a sister, Sasha.

Of course, jealousy is present, no need to lie. Lyubasha was not mentally prepared for this - simply because it is impossible to prepare mentally, this is only personal experience. And she is also in transition, denying everything that is possible. I don’t push, of course, I only stand up for what’s needed – school work, studies.

When Maxim and I got married, Lyuba’s father was jealous that she would start calling the new man “dad.” Maxim was worried that he would not become an authority figure for my daughter, and at first he even tried to educate her somehow. While we were just communicating, he didn’t really intrude, but when we started living together, he thought that he could already somehow show parental authority - completely, in my opinion, in vain. Of course, children cannot immediately accept another person, because all the same, in the child’s heart there is a smoldering hope that mom and dad will get together - and everyone will live together again, as one family. The new man in the mother’s life completely kills this hope, the child has a tragedy, and if this person still interferes with some of his own rules, everything only gets worse.

I think that new husbands should not withdraw themselves from parenting, but rather they should have the role of creator of family traditions - new traditions. To unite everyone, so that everyone has fun and rejoices. How new teams go somewhere on vacation to get to know each other better and make friends - this is called team building. And this very team building is also needed by the new family - and it is best to give all the initiative to the husband.

While Sasha is very little - she recently turned one year old - she requires maximum of my attention. Therefore, it is clear: now Sasha comes first, then Lyubasha, and then her husband and work. This, of course, offends my husband, but I explain to him that you are an adult, you can cope with this, you must understand this - because it is impossible to explain this to children.

I need to preserve what Lyubasha and I had before, I need to go somewhere together - not three or four. For example, the last time we went to see Hayao Miyazaki’s new cartoon “The Wind Rises.” We have loved this director for a long time, Lyubasha was born just when the film “Spirited Away” was released, and since then we have watched all these cartoons together. And although the youngest was sick that day, I still decided to leave her for a few hours with a nanny, whom I trust very much, because it is very important - to be only with the eldest, to go to the cinema, to discuss.

In the morning I get up with my eldest daughter and take her to school. Of course, she can get up on her own and goes to school on her own - it’s not far from home. But I do this solely because I know that the child needs this: for mom to prepare breakfast, pack food for school, hug, kiss. Even to hurry up, to hurry her up while she wakes up - and this is a kind of ritual that has developed over the years. It would be wrong to take it all and end it.

And we also talk a lot: about school, about her friends, relationships at school. This is not gossip, this is just discussion. I don’t scold her for her grades, I try to explain everything. Up to a certain point, she controlled and checked the lessons - especially mathematics, until she realized that Lyubasha’s “doing mathematics myself” function had completely atrophied, she began to make very stupid mistakes. Now I have more hope for my daughter - that she will cope.

So everyone who is building a new family, where children from different marriages are growing up, has one big piece of advice: be patient. Even after a year or two, the child will not say about your chosen one: “Oh, how cool he is!” My husband and I argue and sort things out. Then Lyubasha looks at us and says: “Oh my God, how difficult this is, I’m not sure that I want all of this.” This grinding-in has been going on for two years – and is still ongoing.
photo shoot for the magazine "Antenna"

Is it necessary to introduce children from different marriages?

Hello. I am writing in the hope of finding some thread in unraveling our problem. So I'll be looking forward to the answers.

My husband and I have a second marriage. We have a 4-year-old daughter together. My husband has a son from his first marriage, 7 years old. Children don't know about each other. Although they are still small, I feel that they should know about each other as early as possible, then they will take it for granted and it will not be a shock to them. But the ex-wife categorically forbids introducing her child to these revelations, almost with a threat that she will forbid the father to see him, she is afraid for the psyche. The husband sees his son every weekend, it looks like this - his parents bring the child to their home and they meet there. The father and son have complete mutual understanding; he is an authority for the boy. The ex-wife is taking revenge to some extent - her husband left her for me (this is how life sometimes works out that people find each other too late) But the children are growing up...

Our friends have a similar situation, but there a child from his first marriage comes to his father’s second family. My husband really wants the same to happen in his situation. He does not communicate with his ex-wife, everything is through his mother. And he sees no point in talking to her about this topic - he senses the result in advance.

Do you think it is necessary for children to know that they have a sister or brother? And when and how to tell them about it, and do they need to introduce them?

P.S.We remind you - topics that concern you,you can send it in PM

As you know, we do not live in an ideal world. People get divorced, the father usually leaves the family, and for the child this is always a blow that is almost impossible to avoid. But if a son or daughter is born in a father’s new family, then it is in our power to make sure that the children find close people in each other.

We are all living people, and we are overwhelmed by different feelings. But you must agree: when on the other side of the scale there is an opportunity for a child to find another loved one and maintain a relationship with his father, it is worth our efforts.

If the divorce happened not so long ago, was not amicable for both parties and the wounds are still fresh, then the mother, when letting the child go to meet with the father, often sets an ironclad condition: not to see each other in the presence of the new passion. A variety of feelings can prompt this: jealousy and subconscious fear that a strange woman will now claim not only the love of her ex-husband, but also her child.

If post-divorce stress has not subsided, you should not force things. In this situation, it is often really better if the father meets the child alone for the first time. After all, for the child, the order of life that was understandable and well-established for him collapsed. And he needs to gradually get used to the new. If the father’s “half” does not immediately enter the baby’s life and he first adapts to the already changed state of things, this will only reduce the tension.

It is important to allow all worries to subside. If the mother cannot cope with her emotions and begins to ask the baby about the new companion, then the child, perfectly aware of the tension that reigns between adults, finds himself in a difficult situation. He is left with no choice: he must either lie that “aunt is bad,” or tell the truth, causing his mother’s displeasure. But this state of affairs is temporary, and the child will need to be introduced into a new home.

If a son or daughter, for one reason or another, is fenced off from his father’s family for a long time, then the inability to form his own idea about the parent’s new life, about what and how is happening in his home, traumatizes the child and makes him think that he is a stranger there. Excessive control on the part of the mother will ultimately only lead to alienation between her and the child. After all, if meetings do take place in the presence of his father’s new wife, then the baby will have to hide them. It’s not easy for a man in this situation either. If he meets only on neutral territory, then the new wife may eventually begin to be jealous of the child’s influence and impose some conditions on her part. Not all fathers will be ready to walk literally between Scylla and Charybdis; some cannot withstand the double pressure and begin to avoid meetings. As a result, due to the fact that the mother does not find the strength to allow the child to fully enter the father’s life, the children suffer.

But life does not stand still. And one day the plot is enriched by another hero - a brother or sister who is born into dad's new family. The arrival of a new baby is a happy, but also quite a difficult moment for a complete family. And it is important that the child is gradually prepared for this event. Ideally, the child’s mother, father, and his new wife should take part in this. It is important for the expectant mother to remember that the baby she is expecting already has a brother or sister, that is, a person close to him. And her attitude towards the older child largely lays the foundation of children's friendship. If the baby is very small, she can draw his attention to the fact that she has a little brother or sister in her tummy, to whom she can already say hello. And with whom they will certainly play together in the future.

“I specially prepared Nastya, my husband’s three-year-old daughter, for the fact that her little brother would soon live with us,” says Anna. - She showed her babies in pictures and in other people’s strollers, told her how we would bathe, dress and rock the baby together. At the same time, we discussed what she wanted to do herself. And they agreed that she would smear him with cream, teach him to smile, laugh, run and jump. I explained to her that my newborn brother still doesn’t know how to do anything, much less walk, and therefore they will carry him in their arms. And, of course, they will also wear it, but of course. But the baby is so unlucky - he can’t run and play yet. But Nastya can, that’s how cool!”

Talking as much as possible about a new family member long before his arrival, helping the child internally adapt this idea, is absolutely the right decision. And it’s great that the future brother appeared as an extremely positive character.

Alimony is a painful topic for both women and men.

And if the separation does not happen for the first time, and there are several children in different marriages, then the question arises: how much will the father pay, and what can the mother, left without a husband, count on?

Dear readers! Our articles talk about typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique.

If you want to know how to solve exactly your problem - contact the online consultant form on the right or call the numbers below. It's fast and free!

It should be remembered that it is not necessarily the man who pays child support, but the parent who lives separately, without children. Alimony is provided for offspring who are under 18 years of age.

How is child support divided for children from different marriages?

Legislative financial Providing for children is then regulated by Art. 80-81 IC RF. The principle of calculating alimony is as follows: a portion of the loving father’s income determined by law for alimony payments divided accordingly between the number of children in each marriage.

For example, if a man has 3 children (two children in his first marriage, one in his second marriage), then by law he must pay no more than 50% of his total income for the maintenance of offspring. Thus, for each cub there is 16.6%.

Means, The accounting department will send 33% to the first wife for 2 children, and the second ex-wife can spend the remaining 16.6% of dad's earnings on his baby.

This means that if dad continues to have offspring in each successive marriage, then each of the children will suffer financially in previous marriages as well.

If there are 2, 3, 4 or more offspring

So, the father is obliged (if there is no agreement) pay as a percentage of your total income(salary, dividends, pensions, scholarships, etc.) monthly:

1. for one child – 25%;
2. for two children – 33%;
3. for three, four or more children – 50% of income.

If two children, but they have different mothers from different marriages, then the total deductions from his income according to the law are exactly 1/3, that is, each child will get 1/6 of the share. According to this principle payments for child support are distributed in all marriages of a man.

These are the minimum alimony payments. The father may agree to a larger share of contributions in favor of the children, but here the law comes to his protection.

Article 138 of the Labor Code of the Russian Federation limits deductions for children. They cannot exceed 70% of the father's gross income. He must live on the remaining 30% himself.

Payment upon application or by court decision

It is possible to draw up a mutual agreement, certified by a notary, on the amount and date of receipt of funds for the maintenance of joint offspring. Such a document itself has legal powers equal in force to a writ of execution (Article 109 of the RF IC).

Child support agreement form: Download sample

Alimony for two, three, four children through a magistrate judge

There is an opportunity to do without judicial red tape, if there are no questions about establishing paternity or maternity or other complications, then to claim alimony You can apply to the magistrate to issue a court order.

In this case, there will be no meetings, showdowns, and no later than 5 days later you can receive a court order with the functions of a writ of execution. This is the simplest, fastest and most hassle-free method of claiming financial support for a child from the father.

This method also has pitfalls: if alimony is not paid within 10 days, counting from the appointed date, then the court order will be revoked as an unjustified remedy, and you will still need to go to court.

Claim form for a child, as well as 2 or more children: Download.

According to a writ of execution from the court

Served statement of claim in the magistrate's court, where the full trial will take place, taking into account the general rules.

The result of the trial will be a decision on which a writ of execution should be obtained and handed over to the bailiffs to the service at the place of residence of the alimony payer.

The court may assign a larger amount of payments for children than the minimum interest. It all depends on earnings, living conditions of the husband and his family in previous marriages, and also on the number of dependents on the alimony provider’s neck at the moment.

On what income is alimony calculated?

It is generally believed that payments to children should be calculated on all types of income, but this is not entirely true.

Precise information about from which funds alimony should be withheld and from which not is set out in the list approved by the Government of the Russian Federation in its Resolution No. 841 of July 18, 1996.

Published for use by the bailiff service Federal Law “On Enforcement Proceedings”, where all the intricacies of this issue are explained.

In general, it can be stated that deductions will be made from salary, pension, stipend, benefits, stock dividends, business income, etc. Only one-time amounts, such as bonuses or other types of income, are not taken into account.

Distribution of child support according to law

All children related to the same father must be provided for equally - this is what the law says represented by Article 81 of the RF IC. According to this rule, for each cub the father must pay 1/6 of his income.

If a woman has children from different marriages, then each father pays his blood offspring 25% if he has one child, and 1/6 when there are two or more children.

Women who have children from different marriages should know that the amount of alimony for each child will be different and depends on the income of their ex-husbands. The baby whose dad earns more can be better provided for.

You can find out how to find out your alimony arrears here.

At the same time there is no need to specifically and artificially look for a reason to reduce payments, it does not add dignity and honor. But if there really is an unbearable financial situation, then you should try to judge the level of payments.

When If the situation stabilizes, it will be possible to increase the salary for children.