As A.P. Chekhov wrote: “A well-mannered person is not the one who won’t spill sauce on the tablecloth, but the one who won’t notice it if someone else does it.”
In one of the forum topics there was talk about who can be considered a well-mannered person. I decided to turn to the network, and now I found criteria that I liked and were close to.
Traits of a well-mannered person
1. The most important quality of a well-mannered person is that he thinks not only about himself, but also about other people, and behaves in such a way as to live in harmony with himself and with others. A well-mannered person tries not to disturb other people, always comes to the rescue if he is able to help, he is always polite and tactful.
2. A well-mannered person observes etiquette (rules of behavior in society).
3. A well-mannered person respects other people, their opinions differ from his own, and is tolerant of others, their habits and interests, even if he does not like them.
4. He always behaves adequately and according to the situation.
5. A well-mannered person has a sense of self-esteem, lives in accordance with his desires and responsibilities, without infringing on the rights of other people.
6. He takes his work seriously, be it work or study. Does the job with all possible dedication, conscientiously and efficiently.
7. A well-mannered person keeps his promises and always arrives on time.
8. He is friendly towards others, feels confident in the company of strangers, because he knows how to behave correctly with them.
9. He knows how to hide his emotions when necessary. A well-mannered person is restrained and correct.
10. A well-mannered person is a good conversationalist. He knows how to listen, carry on a conversation and respond.
11. He is honest both to himself and to other people.
12. A well-mannered person knows what conscience is.
13. A well-mannered person honors and observes the laws of his state.
14. A well-mannered person behaves correctly in disputes. He does not try to subordinate everyone and everything to his point of view, but he defends his opinion firmly and skillfully. What does it mean to be educated in argument? If a well-mannered person makes a mistake, he will not be afraid to admit his guilt and apologize.
15. A well-mannered person does not try to live off the labor of other people. He is independent and does not force anyone to do anything for the sake of his own well-being.
16. A well-mannered person makes decisions independently and is responsible for himself and his actions.
17. A well-mannered person is sincere in personal relationships, loves, understands and treats his parents with respect.
18.He watches his words and their meaning. Able to control his speech depending on the situation and position.
19. A well-mannered person does not use profanity.
20. A well-mannered person never stands still; he constantly develops spiritually. It is pleasant to communicate and be friends with such a person.
This is what it means to be educated.
Figuring out when certain actions are associated with a disorder of the nervous system and require the competence of a doctor, and when they are nothing more than costs of upbringing, is not an easy task. This is why it happens that a sick person sometimes acquires an undeserved reputation as ill-mannered. The ill-mannered one takes advantage of our condescension, because he has convinced everyone around, and, above all, himself, that all this is from “nerves.”
A nervous person in everyday life is someone who is irritable or reacts violently to all sorts of events, that is, someone who, as a rule, splashes out his emotions. Those who experience what happened within themselves are considered calm and balanced. However, in both of these groups the neuropsychiatrist will find both his patients (that is, people with borderline forms of neuropsychiatric disorders) and completely healthy people.
Life requires us to constantly exercise self-control. Education establishes a person’s ability to determine what is possible, what is not, what to pay attention to, without reacting outwardly. This ability to behave in accordance with generally accepted norms changes with age. For a child who is just learning to control his emotions, or an old person whose ability to control himself is weaker, some actions are forgivable.
For a mature person, outbursts of irritability or periods of unreasonable gloom can serve as a reason to reflect on your character. Many psychiatrists define character as the one-sidedness of the mental organization of a person. It is for this reason that it is impossible to remake a character. But you can learn to cover your weaknesses, learn to control yourself.
If you feel that a lot of things irritate you, if you “flare up” at the slightest provocation, first admit that this does not decorate you. And then take a step towards yourself: try to change your behavior. Exactly mine. Don’t try to change the people around you so that you feel at ease and comfortable with them. Think about it: is it easy for them to be with you?
Imagine, for example, was it convenient for your neighbor with a headache to come up to you and ask for silence on your last holiday? Instead of saying out loud and mentally everything that you think about her, try to tune into a different mood: of course, she didn’t know (and couldn’t know - you don’t discuss the schedule of visiting your apartment with your neighbors!) that you have guests, she has there was a justified reason for demanding silence. So sympathize with the elderly person, and the irritation will go away.
The contrasting technique developed by Epicurus still works today. The search for the positive aspects of a negative phenomenon is inherent in humans; they become our psychological defense. Even in a completely healthy, balanced person, psychological defense mechanisms may temporarily weaken. The reasons may be illness, overwork, stressful situations. And then, tired at work, he “breaks down” at home, and after illness he can become unusually sentimental.
It may seem strange at first glance, but you can increase your own invulnerability by trying to empathize with other people's situations. By understanding others better, we improve ourselves.
That is why the generally accepted definition is that a well-mannered person is not one who holds a fork and knife correctly, but one who respects and understands others, their opinions, actions, thoughts, feelings. Who not only remembers his rights, but also takes into account the rights of others, and, without getting irritated over trifles, does not force others to become irritated and nervous.
If you ask several people about what it means to be well-mannered, you will probably get different answers. Indeed, being well-mannered is an art, and now, unfortunately, not everyone masters it fully. You cannot become educated right away; a person learns this throughout his entire life. We can talk about good manners for hours, but in this article we will talk about the main qualities of a person who can rightfully be called well-mannered.
Traits of a well-mannered person
- The most important quality of a well-mannered person is that he thinks not only about himself, but also about other people, and behaves in such a way as to live in harmony with himself and with others. A well-mannered person tries not to disturb other people, always comes to the rescue if he is able to help, he is always polite and tactful.
- A well-mannered person observes etiquette (rules of behavior in society).
- A well-mannered person respects other people, their opinions differ from his own, and is tolerant of others, their habits and interests, even if he does not like them.
- He always behaves appropriately and according to the situation.
- A well-mannered person has a sense of self-worth, lives in accordance with his desires and responsibilities, without infringing on the rights of other people.
- He takes his work seriously, be it work or study. Does the job with all possible dedication, conscientiously and efficiently.
- A well-mannered person keeps his promises and always arrives on time.
- He is friendly towards others, feels confident in the company of strangers, because he knows how to behave correctly with them.
- He knows how to hide his emotions when necessary. A well-mannered person is restrained and correct.
- A well-mannered person is a good conversationalist. He knows how to listen, carry on a conversation and respond.
- He is honest both to himself and to other people.
- A well-mannered person knows...
- A well-mannered person honors and observes the laws of his state.
- A well-mannered person behaves correctly in disputes. He does not try to subordinate everyone and everything to his point of view, but he defends his opinion firmly and skillfully. What does it mean to be educated in argument? If a well-mannered person makes a mistake, he will not be afraid to admit his guilt and apologize.
- A well-mannered person does not try to live off the labor of other people. He is independent and does not force anyone to do anything for the sake of his own well-being.
- A well-mannered person makes his own decisions and is responsible for himself and his actions.
- A well-mannered person is sincere in personal relationships, loves, understands and treats his parents with respect.
- He watches his words and their meaning. Able to control his speech depending on the situation and position.
- A well-mannered person does not use profanity.
- A well-educated person never stands still; he constantly develops spiritually. It is pleasant to communicate and be friends with such a person.
This is what it means to be educated.
Municipal budgetary educational institution
"Spartakovskaya secondary school"
CLASS HOUR
in 5th grade
on the topic:
“What does it mean to be a well-mannered person?”
Teacher: Karnoukhova A.N.
Class hour "“What does it mean to be a well-mannered person” 5 Class
Goals: promote the development of moral qualities through self-knowledge; identifying correct and erroneous ideas about education; creating a “person” who is ideally educated.
Introduction
U.: A person lives among people from his very birth. Among them, he takes his first steps and speaks his first words, develops and reveals his abilities, absorbs the experience of people accumulated by many generations. Society educates a person. But it is not only a large group of people who educates, but also a small one, for example, a class. In the classroom we influence each other, we educate each other.
What does it mean to be an educated person? What qualities should a person have in order to be said about him - “Yes - he is a well-mannered person!” Today we will try to answer these questions.
2 . Conversation
Life shows that every educated person cannot be considered well-mannered. Education in itself does not predetermine good manners, although it does create favorable conditions for this.
The world is changing at incredible speed. In a changing world, only a changing person can exist. And yet, in the field of human relations there must be those constant, unshakable laws that a person must always rely on in his life.
How do you answer the question, what does it mean to be a well-mannered person?
Open the homemade books on the second page and write down the qualities that, in your opinion, a well-mannered person should have. (2 minutes)
2) Exercise “new classmate”
There are 6 students in our class and, as it seems to us, we are all well-mannered. But let's try to create a 7th student and endow him with the qualities of an ideally educated person. Here he is - your new classmate! (board - boy) (Students take turns naming the qualities of a well-mannered person - polite, respectful of others, kind, sympathetic, knows how to behave in society, has good manners, tactful, punctual)
You and I have endowed our hero with the most necessary, in your opinion, qualities of a well-mannered person. I see that for you in a well-mannered person there should be such qualities - ..., but most of all you value in well-mannered people...
S. Ozhegov’s explanatory dictionary says that “well-mannered is someone who has a good upbringing and knows how to behave well in society.”
A well-mannered person has sufficient tact, he knows how to behave in society, and has good manners. A well-mannered person is not difficult to recognize at first sight. His appearance speaks for itself: he does not get lost in unfamiliar company, knows how to sit at the table, and eats gracefully and neatly. But good manners are not only good manners. This is something deep and essential in a person. This “something” is internal culture and intelligence, the basis of which is cordiality and respect for another person.
– What is the main quality that distinguishes a well-mannered person from an ill-mannered one?
What exactly does education consist of?
Politeness. The ancient Greeks argued that politeness is the main personality quality of a well-mannered person.
What rules of politeness could you name?
Polite rules prohibit:
Enter an official institution wearing a hat (for men) and talking loudly (for both sexes);
Make noise, disturb and irritate others;
Criticize someone's religious beliefs;
To humiliate someone's nationality;
Laugh at other people's mistakes and mistakes;
Call your interlocutor out loud with offensive epithets;
Send a letter or gift to the return address;
Speak in a disrespectful tone about your interlocutor’s relatives;
Distort first and last names;
Open someone else's bag, look into it if it is open, examine the contents of other people's pockets;
Unauthorizedly pulling out the drawers of someone else's desk and rearranging their contents both at work and at home, as well as opening someone else's closet, cupboard, or pantry.
Tact - this is a sense of proportion that should be observed in a conversation, in any relationship with people, the ability not to cross the line, behind which there is always an insult to the interlocutor.
Punctuality. It is she who demonstrates good manners. Only a valid reason can excuse lateness.
Good manners
Not accepted in society:
Put yourself and your clothes in order, straighten your tie, hairstyle, clean your nails;
Combing your hair and generally touching your hair;
Use your little fingernail as a toothpick;
Click your knuckles;
Rubbing hands;
Tighten clothes;
Constantly “purr” something under your breath;
Violent manifestations, offensive, rude words reveal your anger and indignation.
Now look at your behavior and think about how well-mannered you are.
The great I. Goethe wrote that “behavior is a mirror in which everyone shows his true appearance.” How do you understand this statement?
3) Practical exercises
You need not only to know about the qualities of well-mannered people, but also to be able to apply them in different life situations.
Choose the behavior that is most typical for you in the following typical life situations.
(on the tables there are situations with suggested answers).
Situation No. 1.
Sunday. Your favorite show should be on TV. But my mother, for a fairly objective reason, asks to take a walk with her little brother at this particular time. Which behavior will you choose?
A. I’ll suggest watching the program with my brother
B. I’ll watch TV first, then I’ll go for a walk with my brother
B. I’ll find out why mom can’t go for a walk on her own, then I’ll decide what to do.
G. I’ll go for a walk with my brother
D. I’ll come up with some interesting game for my brother while the program is on, so that he doesn’t want to go for a walk
Situation No. 2.
Class teacher, i.e. I announce to the guys that we managed to get only a few tickets to the circus. But I love you all and it’s hard for me to choose who not to go. Do it yourself. I suggest you decide for yourself who not to go.
A. I’ll suggest drawing lots so that it won’t be offensive
B. I propose to give these tickets to those who have earned it through academic and active work
G. I’ll raise my hand that I won’t go.
D. I will propose to distribute into groups, and the group will choose the worthy ones
Situation No. 3.
Andrey took a ruler from Vika without permission. Andrey does not respond to her demands to return. Your actions.
A. pretend nothing is happening
B. take the ruler by force from Andrey and return it to Vika
B. Take another thing for Vika and, together with Andrey, tease Vika
D. Shame Andrey and try to convince Andrey to return the ruler
D. seek help from adults.
4) Know yourself! (test analysis )
Not a single person in his life has escaped reminders or instructions that one must know how to behave. this is what parents, people on the street, teachers say. Maybe in order to learn how to educate yourself, you need to know yourself? What do you think?
We conducted a test with you... a test of 30 questions “What am I?” (tests on the table with scores) the test has been completed, the scores have been calculated, but you do not know the results. 9Test analysis)
Lesson summary
Which of the kids do you think the hero of the class hour could be friends with?
In homemade books, write down what qualities of your character you would like to change?
What qualities will you develop?
3. Conclusion.
Guys, throughout our lesson we tried to learn how to be a well-mannered person, we tried to understand ourselves. Naturally, it is impossible to achieve an ideal relationship right away; a person learns this throughout his life, and if we try to become well-mannered, the world will seem big, sunny and beautiful. Let's learn good manners!
Reflection
Game. "Magic flower of goodness"
Stretch your arms forward, close your eyes. Imagine what I'm going to talk about. Draw in your imagination a flower of kindness and good mood. Place it on both palms. Feel how it warms you: your hands, your body, your soul. It gives off an amazing smell and pleasant music (music plays) and you want to listen to it. Mentally place all this warmth, kindness and good mood of this flower in your heart. You have new strength, strength of health, happiness, joy. You are in a good mood.
While relaxation is underway, a drawing of 3 flowers appears on the board - the middle and the stem.
Open your eyes, look at the board, and now let each of you choose the color of the flower of your mood and add a petal to each of our flowers.
The flowers are bright and beautiful - this means that our lesson ends today with you in a good mood.
Application
"Determination of the level of education of students' personality
taking into account age characteristics and individual development"
Last name, first name______________________________________________________________
Class___________________________ Academic year___________________________
1. If your classmate makes a mistake or mistake, then you:
A) don’t pay attention to it
B) make fun of him
B) provide support
2.I am always happy to join a large company, for example, meet friends, go for a walk with them, take part in an interesting social event
A) yes
B) it depends on the company
C) I don’t like big companies
3. If you promise your parents or friend that you will do something, but you have difficulties, then you:
A) I keep my promise, even if it inconveniences me.
B) I ask for a delay or ask someone else to do it
C) I’m not particularly worried, I decide that nothing can be done
4. The culture of Russia is rich, because Russia is a multinational country, do you think this statement is true:
A) yes
B) maybe this is true
B) I'm not interested in this
5.Are you involved in any creative activities (attend an art, dance, theater studio, etc.)?
A) yes
B) I used to do it, now I don’t
C) never studied
6. Do you have regular responsibilities around the house?
A) yes
B) sometimes you help at the request of your parents
C) your duty is to study
7.Is spending on sick and disabled people a waste of money?
A) yes
B) no
B) this is a matter of the state
8.Do you find it difficult to speak in front of large audiences?
A) yes
B) sometimes - yes
B) no, I'm not afraid of it
9.If your parents promise to buy you a new thing, but they have financial difficulties, then you:
A) I demand, because promises must be kept
B) I wait a little, then I remind you
C) I refuse new clothes
10.You went to a cafe to have lunch. There is an empty seat at a table where a person of a different race is sitting. Your actions, will you stay at the cafe for lunch?
A) yes
B) no
C) I’ll think about it, depending on the situation
11. Do you try to decorate your room and make it more comfortable?
A) yes, I like doing this
B) I like comfort and beauty, but let others create them
B) I don't pay attention to it
12.If you find any subject difficult at school, then you:
A) you don’t worry too much, you leave everything as it is
B) are you trying to study additionally in this subject?
C) you prepare intensively only before tests
13. A disabled child approaches you with a question:
A) you talk to him naturally
B) you move away from him, you don’t know how to behave
B) passing by
14. Having arrived at a children's camp, do you easily get acquainted with unfamiliar children?
A) yes
B) I'm looking at new guys
B) I am experiencing difficulties
15.How do you behave around strangers, in public places?
A) I try to demonstrate good manners
B) differently
C) I always and everywhere behave the same way
16. If new refugees from other regions came to your class, how would you treat them?
A) tried to support them, helped them get used to the new school
B) treated them calmly, but would not become friends
C) reacted negatively to them - let them live on their own land
17.In your free time, would you go:
A) to a museum, to an art exhibition
B) to the stadium
C) would stay at home
18. Do you bring any task to the end?
A) always
B) depends on the importance of the matter
B) no, not necessarily
19.You are asked to send books to an orphanage. What will you do?
A) I select interesting ones and bring them
B) I’ll bring the books I’ve read
C) if they bring everything, I will also take something away
20.Can you organize a game or work in a team?
A) yes
B) it depends on the group of guys
C) I don’t like being an organizer
21. Your teacher asks you to carry out a social assignment that seems impossible to you.
A) I will do everything I can
B) I will ask for help
22. It’s hard for me to imagine that a person of a different faith could become my friend
A) yes
B) no
C) for me this is not the main thing
23. Do you have a favorite writer, poet, artist, composer?
A) yes
B) there are works that I like, but I don’t know their authors
B) no, I'm not interested in that
24.If your family is waiting for guests to arrive (rooms are being cleaned, refreshments are being prepared), then you:
A) actively help
B) you help only if guests come to you
C) mind your own business or leave home so as not to disturb
25.You noticed among the guests a sad girl (boy) sitting alone on the sidelines. What will you do?
A) nothing, what’s my business
B) I don’t know in advance how the circumstances will turn out
C) I’ll come up and definitely talk
26.Your class has been assigned a task - to plant a tree near the school, your actions:
A) you think that the whole class should do this
B) you will gather a group of guys
C) you could do it yourself, on your own
27.If you were told that your friend is behaving dishonestly towards you, then you:
A) would stop communicating with him
B) would closely monitor his behavior, wait for him to give himself away
C) would openly tell him about my suspicions
28. A classmate came to visit you, dressed sloppily. Does this annoy you?
A) yes
B) no
C) appearance does not matter
A) no, I try to skip these places in the book, I don’t like reading them
B) I read sometimes if I’m in the mood
C) yes, I always read such descriptions carefully.
30.You came to clean the school, and you see that everyone is already working. What will you do?
A) I’ll stand with the guys, then we’ll see
B) I’ll go home if they don’t celebrate those present
C) I’ll join someone, I’ll start working with them.
PROCESSING RESULTS
The results are calculated according to 6 criteria, each of which corresponds to a specific component:
1 component: HUMANE
Component 2: COMMUNICATION
3 component: SPIRITUAL
4th component: TOLERANT
5th component: CREATIVE
6th component: LABOR
Criteria for the level of education based on key components
1 component 2 component 3 component 4 component 5 component 6 component
LEVELS OF EDUCATION:
LOW LEVEL - less than 50 points
MIDDLE LEVEL - from 50 to 100 points
HIGH LEVEL - from 100 points and above
5b
3b
1b
5b
3b
1b
5b
3b
1b
5b
3b
1b
5b
3b
1b
5b
3b
1b
From the memoirs of People's Artist of the USSR Sofia Vladimirovna Giatsintova
A well-mannered person... If they say this about you, consider that you have received high praise. Unfortunately, in our daily lives we don’t often speak so flatteringly about someone. At one time, some even believed that “good manners,” with everything that is included in this capacious concept, seemed to be even a relic, a convention discarded as historical trash. The right to respect received another concept: “educated person.” It was believed that someone who received a diploma was already a cultured and educated person.
No, that's not true. Life itself shows that education does not predetermine good manners. And now is the time when, teaching and educating our youth, it is time for us to seriously raise the question of their “education.” We should not only be proud of the knowledge and cultural level of our younger generation, but be sure that they have sufficient everyday tact, know how to behave in society, and are armed with good manners, which always, in any era, are an adornment to a person, no matter who he is .
So what is good manners?
It happens like this: my interlocutor is a good, smart person - I know that. But his inability to communicate stands like a wall between us. It's like in a play - the role is meaningful, but the form is either banal or inexpressive, and the image does not work out. I want to talk about the form of communication between person and person.
Good manners are not only about good manners. This is something deeper and more fundamental in a person. This is primarily his inner intelligence. And outwardly she expresses herself in charm. There is such a rather vague, at first glance, concept - charm. So, we have to be charming. Charm contains, first of all, respect for others. A.P. Chekhov wrote: “What a pleasure it is to respect people.” But to experience this pleasure, you must be able to respect. To be well-mannered and charming means to be attentive to others, delicate, tactful, and modest. These are excellent qualities, and if they are inherent in someone in the older generations, then let the young, like a dear heritage, take these qualities for themselves and develop them, and make them their own.
It seems to me that the artist of the Art Theater Vasily Ivanovich Kachalov is the standard of such qualities. He was walking down the street, and you’ll admire him. Both modest and festive. He understood that people were looking at him, that he gave them joy, and he walked, bearing this obligation of his - not to disappoint people with everyday life, aloofness, and inattention to them. He certainly remembered all the names and patronymics of the people he met. He organically respected people and was always interested in them. With him, every woman felt attractive, a gentle creature, worthy of care. The men felt smart and very much needed by Kachalov at the moment. Vasily Ivanovich seemed to “absorb” other people’s lives, faces, characters, and he was among people like a holiday, like human beauty and nobility.
Yes, I think that the main thing in his charm was respect for people. Is it possible to cultivate this in yourself? Isn't this talent? Probably, to some extent - talent. But it can manifest itself in everyone, to one degree or another, if, of course, you want to find and affirm it in yourself and in others. And we are obliged to approve. And above all in the younger generations.
One day on the street, a girl about eight years old nudged me with her elbow, stepped on my foot and calmly walked on. I said, “Why didn’t you apologize?” My mother attacked me: “Are you making comments to my girl? Just think, what a sissy!” The girl was acquitted by her mother. Mother's love turned out to be unreasonable. The girl left, beaming with her victory. And I thought with bitterness: she’s a sweet-looking girl, but she’ll grow up ill-mannered. She may receive a high education, but she will not have true intelligence. And all because it is not brought up from childhood. And the parents are primarily to blame for this. After all, they bear the main responsibility for what a person will be like.
I once read a story like this. In Paris, homeless people and beggars came to the Louvre in the morning, stood near the heating, and warmed themselves up. The old lady stood there. Nearby, an artist was working on a copy. The artist suddenly stood up, brought a chair and placed it for the old woman. She bowed low and sat down. A woman and a boy observed this scene. The mother whispered something to her son. He approached the artist and said: “Mercy, madam.” And with a happy face he returned to his mother.
I was fascinated by everything in this story - the artist’s behavior, the mother’s smart upbringing, the boy’s happiness from his participation in beautiful human attention, happiness from his community with good people. Coming to the aid of a person is generosity, this is true nobility.
We must bring these qualities into our everyday life. No high words needed here. A man - let him give up his seat on the bus to a woman, especially an elderly one. It should be natural and familiar. This is required by the laws of basic decency. And there is no reason at all to be touched by such manifestations of ordinary decency, as we sometimes do. One day, at the front door of our theater, I ran into an unfamiliar young man. I delayed for a minute: let him go first. And he stopped, stepped back, opened the door for me and said: “Please.” My God! How I thanked him! And because of what? After all, this is the most minimal, natural attention to a woman, and an older one at that. Politeness is the simplest. Of course she is appreciated. “Nothing is valued so dearly and nothing costs us so little as politeness,” said Cervantes. And another kind word spoken to people. We wish we could say such words to each other more often! A short “thank you” has the magical power to unite people and awaken kindness in them.
One day we were waiting for a taxi. In front are two young men, behind them is a woman, neither old nor young. Apparently, they had all been standing for a long time and were very cold. A car arrived. The young people, without saying a word, turned to the woman. “Sit down,” said one of them. “We see that you are very cold.” The woman gratefully accepted the car as a gift. “Thank you,” she said simply and heartily. A short thank you, but how elevated these young men and all of us along with them were in our own eyes. The queue became very kind and very patient. A common “thank you” brought people together as if by magic. Are these little things? No. This is the joy of life. It's a fun day.
I am always offended by cynicism in people, especially in young people. Some people think that to be a cynic means to look smart and modern - to deny everything, to laugh at everyone. With this attitude towards life, there is no need to bother yourself with thoughts. Not to create, but to destroy, not to respect, but to humiliate and not to feel responsible for anything. I consider cynicism to be a profound manifestation of bad manners, a lack of genuine internal culture, and disrespect for people and society. This is a dangerous disease.
It is necessary to develop good manners in people, first of all, through respect for work, for the business to which one has devoted oneself. Diderot said that it is not enough to do good, you must also do it well. In my youth, I myself was once subjected to such an upbringing. I just entered the Art Theater. I walk along the corridor, and Konstantin Sergeevich Stanislavsky meets me. It was the first time I saw him so close. He comes mighty and beautiful. He looks at me from his height. My heart skips a beat with delight and excitement. And suddenly his entire powerful figure stands on tiptoes and moves easily, effortlessly, silently. “Do you know how to walk around the theater?” he asks. And without waiting for an answer, he explains: “You are now passing by the stage. And there, maybe, a rehearsal. This means you have to walk very, very quietly.” It was not so much his words as his light, cautious gait that left a mark on my memory for the rest of my life. This is what it means to be able to educate others by your own example!
Life gives many reasons for irritation over trifles. It costs nothing to offend a person in a bus crowd, in a queue at a store... If you couldn’t restrain yourself, for an insignificant reason you offended a person with an offensive word - it means you humiliated not only him, but above all yourself, you lost something in yourself, you became poorer. In Moscow, the telephone network leaves much to be desired. Sometimes you dial the right number, but end up in the wrong place. And suddenly you get irritated: “Type correctly! Don’t interfere with work.” And how pleasant it is when, on the other end of the line, a person unknown to you, whom you will probably never meet in your life, says softly and politely that you have the wrong number. A telephone misunderstanding, but the person in it did not lose his human dignity.
It happens like this - all the people around are smart, nice, good, and know each other. We got together to have a friendly conversation, but the conversation didn’t work out. Everyone speaks at once. Noisy and enthusiastic. Everyone talks about their own things and doesn’t listen to their interlocutor at all. Everyone excludes everyone. And the conversation fades. And there is no longer that grace-filled communication that enriches so much. Being in any society does not mean gathering together. It means meeting people and perceiving their thoughts, their characters, their behavior. To meet a person means to understand him and to enrich himself. To be able to talk means to respect your interlocutor. “You should not take possession of a conversation as if it were a fief from which you have the right to survive the other,” said Cicero.
It happens that we do not argue, but impose our opinion stubbornly, even rudely, with absolutely no interest in objections. But we need to listen to the other side. This is a culture of relationship.
We sometimes do not pay attention not only to what we say, but also to how we say it. We are in a hurry, we don’t even finish the words. We don’t always know how to be proud of our language, but our language is amazingly beautiful. Unfortunately, our language contains a lot of vulgarity, street language and even rudeness.
It happens that a superior in position considers it acceptable for a subordinate to say “you”, and in return receive a respectful “you”. This is humiliating and unworthy of our time. This is a bitter echo of the old regime offices and government orders. Genuine good manners and culture cannot be combined with lordly arrogance based on a table of ranks.
Content is inseparable from form. A well-mannered person is not difficult to recognize at first sight. His appearance speaks for itself. He does not get lost in unfamiliar company. He knows how to sit at the table and eat gracefully and neatly. Will not talk to a woman with his hands in his pockets or a cigarette in his mouth. He will resolve unexpected everyday conflicts with humor rather than annoyance. In all his behavior he is natural and simple.
Sometimes they try to portray a society of extra-educated people on stage. Actors and actresses hold their hands in a mannered manner, walk in a mannered manner, and speak in a mannered manner. And this petty-bourgeois crookedness is passed off as the highest class of behavior. And the true “highest class” of education is simplicity, naturalness and ease.
To be a Human among people is a great happiness. Let everyone experience this happiness.
