Unleash your inner child. Techniques for working with the inner child

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I have a habit of looking at people. I recently rode the subway and looked at my grandmother and grandson. And my grandson looked at me. Grandmother noticed this and demonstratively said loudly: “Muscovites have a bad habit of looking at people like this (and widened her eyes). This is indecent! The message was intended for me, but my grandmother did not dare say it to my face, but looked at the boy. I didn’t mind him looking at me at all; I was pleased with his interest. But the boy immediately cringed and looked away from me. This is how adults cut off children's creative intentions to explore the world and interact with it. You can't look at people, but why? Why should ordinary research interest be considered unacceptable and indecent?

If the inner child in you personally is weakly manifested, it is worth showing him not once or twice, but many times that he is very important to you, and allowing much of what was previously prohibited. I offer you several exercises to establish contact and strengthen the position of your inner child. The exercises are taken from Julia Cameron's book 1 and creatively reworked by my inner child.

• Reviving buried dreams

Remember what you loved as a child and what your dreams were. To do this, close your eyes, focus on breathing, feel your center, breathe into it, and then enter it and find yourself in childhood. Stay there as long as you need, remember your favorite activities, hobbies, friends and fantasies. Then come back to the present moment and write down:

• Five hobbies that interest you.
• Five subjects or courses that you enjoy.
• Five skills you would like to master.
• Five activities that once brought you pleasure.
• Five things that seem attractive to you, but you can't do them.

• What would I do if it weren't a "no"?

Review the list of the last five items from the previous assignment. These are those taboo actions that your inner child would really like to do, but cannot because he is forbidden by your inner critic, who comes from a critical parent. The inner critic (just like dad, mom, grandma or grandpa used to do) says that normal, well-mannered, decent, adequate people shouldn’t do this.

Very often, simply creating a list of forbidden pleasures is enough to break down the barriers that prevent the fulfillment of desires. Post this list in a visible place. Ask yourself: “Why can’t this be done?” You have grown up and may already be able to provide security for these activities or support them financially. Check, maybe it’s already possible?

1. Parachute jump, scuba diving. Why not? “It’s dangerous,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and can take precautions.
2. Belly dancing, Latin dancing. Why not? “This is indecent,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and want to demonstrate your femininity and sexuality. This is normal for an adult woman.
3. Publishing your own poems. Why not? “This is showing off,” the critic replies. But you are an adult, and it is your responsibility to express yourself and present the products of your creativity to the world.
4. Buying a drum kit. Why not? “It’s loud and violates the neighbors’ boundaries,” the critic responds. But you are an adult and can take care of soundproofing and take responsibility for conflicts that may arise.
5. Cycling in France. Why not? “It’s expensive, you don’t have a passport, you’ll get lost,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and can solve all these problems: earn money, get a passport and take a good map or navigator with you on the road.

• Creative walk

Choose something that your inner child loves and go with him on a creative walk where he can realize this desire. Pamper him. On the way, buy him everything he asks for - ice cream, balloons. Pick up from the ground everything that he likes, everything that arouses his interest - pebbles, coins, nails. Take him wherever he asks - to sculpt or paint, to the zoo, to a museum, to a bowling alley, to a deserted beach. Let him do whatever he wants - draw in the sand, sculpt on a potter's wheel, stare at people, drive boats through puddles. Write down all the creative ideas that come to your inner child's mind. Go on creative walks at least once a week.

Make a creative walk a priority and don't let your inner critic rob your inner child of this pleasure.

Support any manifestations of your inner child. So that he is not afraid to develop. Development, not perfection, is what is important. In a word, do what he wants, ensuring the safety of these activities through the inner adult. And then your inner child will begin to burst with creative ideas and provide you with irrepressible energy to implement them.

1 D. Cameron “The Artist’s Way” (Gayatri, 2015).

Meditation is the key to shaping reality, a way to influence the subconscious, forming oneself as a new personality. Having identified your weaknesses and fears, you can eradicate them through meditation. One such problem that needs to be worked on is our inner child. There are many practices whose task is precisely to help your child. They all have a common name: “Inner Child Meditation.” These are truly deep, rich meditations, the benefits of which will be described below.

One day I found a meditative diagnostic technique that I will share below. Her results amazed me. Such a simple, literally ten-minute exercise opened my eyes to something I didn’t know. About what drives my actions, what I am trying to get from the world and from other people, and what I miss most. Later I realized that I subconsciously knew about this, but did not want to admit it to myself.

The essence, possibilities and limitations of this meditation

Meditation practices related to the inner child are extremely powerful. Just imagine. Once upon a time you were a child. Sometimes your family offended you, denied you something, punished you for something, and categorically forbade you for something. All these memories sit within us, albeit unconsciously. They will continue to control us. Did we have enough attention and love from our parents as children? Did they cherish and pamper us or, on the contrary, constantly scold us and were dissatisfied with everything? What kind of self-assessment have you been instilled with: how beautiful and wonderful you are, or how stupid and disobedient you are?

It often happens that people whose low self-esteem was formed in childhood by their parents, in adulthood believe that they are not worthy of love and acceptance. And they begin to please others, adapt, patiently endure everything that does not suit them. Even within your own family. After all, love doesn’t happen just like that, it has to be earned.

It is these attitudes that meditation on the inner child combats. It helps to find the source of uncertainty and pain, and restructure the attitude towards childhood problems and traumas. Find out what self-worth is. Give yourself the much-needed love. And start living in a new way. Such practices leave nothing unchanged. By identifying the problem that drives us, we can begin to fight it.

Our inner child often lacks love, attention and care. You shouldn't expect these gifts from other people. You can make yourself happy.

Meditation techniques for working with the inner child

The very first thing to start with is a meeting. It is thanks to her that you can open your inner world, fill it with positive emotions and the understanding that all grievances need to be let go and sent far from yourself. The technique presented below will help you improve your condition, open your subconscious, believe in yourself and let go of grievances.

Meeting the inner child meditation

Meeting your inner child is your first meeting with yourself. For those who are just starting the practice, it may seem that such meditation is some kind of visions that a person should not have, but in fact this is not the case. Meeting your inner child will help you look at yourself from the outside:

1. Take ten minutes to yourself. Make the sanctification dim. Lie down on the bed. If you feel like you might fall asleep, it’s better to sit with your legs stretched forward. Breathe a little. Turn off your thoughts. If that doesn't work, focus on the sounds around you.
2. When you are completely relaxed, imagine that a golden ray of light is falling from the sky into your head. Gradually this light fills your body. It penetrates all your organs and cells. And now it goes beyond your body, enveloping the space around you.
3. Now imagine that you are at the edge of the forest. There is a bench here, and sitting on it... are your parents. They are very young. What are they doing? Do they hug or fight? Are they happy or sad? They don't see you, but you see them. How do you feel? Suddenly, a child appeared next to them. A beautiful, little child. He showed something to his parents, and then ran towards the forest. Follow him.
4. So you went into the forest and saw that a child was sitting under a tree. Look at him carefully. Is he happy or sad? Perhaps he is offended by someone? Or is he afraid of something? Or maybe he’s completely fine now?
5. Now look into the child’s eyes again and understand that this is you. You, once upon a time. Approach him. He smiles and extends his tiny hand to you. Take his hand, hug this lovely sweet child. Feel how strong the love is reborn in your heart. Now tell him how much you love him, that you accept him completely. Promise that from now on you will take care of him and support him in everything. Kiss the child on the top of the head and open his eyes. How did you feel?

Now I propose to carry out the following practice. This will help you figure out what you were missing in childhood and what you still want to get.

Meditation on the inner child

Complete the first two points from the previous meditation and, when you relax, move on to the next steps:

1. Imagine that you are walking down a dark gloomy street. It's abandoned. There are no people, no animals, no birds here. There are only abandoned houses and shops here.
2. Choose one of the buildings and enter it. Walk down the hallway near doors or counters.
3. Look around. Is there anything that catches your attention? But there was a certain object on your way. It could be anything. Take it with you and put it in your pocket. Now leave this building and this street.
4. You have returned home. Take this thing out and look carefully. It could be a toy, a drawing, a pillow, an animal, anything.
5. What is this item? How do you feel looking at him? Place this item in the light in a cozy place. How do you think he feels? What is he missing? Maybe care and love, or maybe loneliness or peace? Would you like to receive this item now? Give it to him. And see if he feels better. Perhaps it has changed, become brighter, cleaner? Feel if he needs anything else to be happy? What exactly? Give it all to him. And then, when the object is satisfied, open your eyes.

The subject from practice is the state of your inner child. Is it clean, well-groomed, beautiful or broken and old? What the item asked from you is what you need yourself. Write these things down and start giving them to yourself.

Healing the inner child meditation

Now that we have met our child and learned about his needs, the next technique will be waiting for us. This is a particularly important part of all our work. Its focus is clearly expressed in Evgenia Pogudina’s book: “to go back in time and give the inner child what he needs to grow up.” Follow the two steps you already know.

1. After relaxing, return to the forest clearing to your inner child. You've already met there.
2. Take him in your arms. Tell him again how much you love and admire him.
3. Surround him with your love and care. Hold him tighter to you and ask for forgiveness for not paying attention to him, forgetting about him, limiting him.
4. Feel the light in your heart. This is the light of love. Pass it on to your child. Tell him what you are afraid and worried about. Ask him about his dreams.
5. Start playing with him. Have fun, spin, run. Let your child express himself to the fullest. Now watch how happy this child has become. You are overwhelmed by a surge of love and tenderness, a desire to take care of him.
6. Feel that you are happy now. Then kiss the baby, promise that you will take care of him and will definitely return to him. And open your eyes.

What emotions are you experiencing? Now repeat this meditation as many times as you need. These practices will help you understand yourself, your behavior and needs, and establish a connection with your inner child - the most important part of you. These meditations bring powerful healing and cleansing. Start paying attention to your inner child and watch the world change around you!

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A storm of emotions caused by a seemingly innocent remark, a sharp and persistent feeling of sadness that cannot be explained by events or circumstances, an all-consuming need for recognition or protection... All these are manifestations of our inner child - that part of us that has not matured and which expresses its needs the more persistently, the less it was listened to in the past.

The concept of our inner child is familiar to anyone interested in personal development, but for others it remains vague and even mysterious. “This child has a psychic reality,” explains psychoanalyst Moussa Nabati. 1 – He embodies the foundations of our being, everything that has not been erased from our childhood - fears, traumas, anger, joys and desires.”

“When our inner child takes its rightful place and its needs are met, we begin to act on our desires.”

The psychoanalyst draws an analogy between what the inner child means to us and the influence that the first pages of the book of our life have on us: we do not remember the time when these pages were written, but they are imprinted on us with such force that they continue act in us. “Being aware of your inner child helps you live in a way that allows you to be more of an actor and speaker and less of an object through which others speak and act,” explains coach Geneviève Caillou. 2 – When this child takes power over us, we are driven by the need to be loved, acknowledged, hugged, listened to. When he takes his rightful place, when his needs are listened to and satisfied, we act on the basis of our desires, we have the opportunity to make choices, to enter into relationships from subject to subject. In terms of inner freedom and mental well-being, this is a fundamental difference.”

When we listen to and understand our inner child and thereby become a good parent to it, it completely changes our relationship with ourselves and others. Tensions disappear, fear, shame and anger can be recognized, listened to and “put in their place.” The adult in us begins to think more clearly and becomes more free. Then he can treat himself and others better.

Instructions

Make yourself comfortable in a quiet place where no one can disturb you. Imagine that the child you once were is next to you and establish contact with him. Ask him to find out how to take care of him.

Choose one of these four designs

Cheerful child

• What makes you laugh and amuses you? (Let me remind you of an incident from your childhood.)
• What usually makes you happiest?
• Are you often happy?
• If this is not so, then what prevents you from rejoicing more often?

Identify your sources of joy today: what gives you physical and mental pleasure (alone or in a relationship, with what people, in what circumstances, under what conditions...).

Try to appreciate them more(taking “freeze frames” to fully experience them). If you feel like there are too few of them, try to create moments of joy instead of waiting for them to appear in your life. Notice and replay those moments of intense emotion when you feel joyful, calm, and collected.

Scared child

Questions to ask your inner child

• What scares you so much? (Let me remind you of an incident from your childhood.)
• What usually scares you? Are you often afraid? What do your parents, teachers, friends do with your fear?
• Are you being reassured? If not, how would you like to be reassured and encouraged?

How to be a good parent to yourself

First, accept your fear. without shame or guilt, without trying to minimize or deny it. You can say to yourself out loud, “I’m afraid.”

Inhale and exhale through your nose and as long as possible.

Understand the nature of your fear(fleeting, permanent, vague, concrete...). It can be a phobia (fear of flying on an airplane), anxiety that generates negative scenarios (fear of failure, fear of abandonment...) or a reaction to a feeling of threat (riding the subway alone at one in the morning).

Return to reality “here and now”. If your fear is the result of projections, do not forget that emotions are the result of thoughts, which, in turn, are the result of beliefs.

Crying child

Questions to ask your inner child

• Why are you crying? (Let me remind you of an incident from your childhood.)
• What usually saddens you the most?
• Are you often sad?
• What do your parents, teachers, friends do with your sadness?
• Are you being consoled? If this is not the case, how would you like to be comforted?

How to be a good parent to yourself

First of all, agree with what you are experiencing. at the moment, accept that this emotion is present, acute and painful. You can say out loud to yourself, “I feel sad.”

Try to find its reason as accurately as possible.

Look for what could make this emotion less intense, less long lasting, less frequent (you can talk about it with a loved one, change the situation or relationship that gives rise to sadness; consider therapy if you feel that the cause of the distress is deep and long-standing).

Support yourself, console yourself, Give yourself pleasure by taking care of yourself the way you would take care of your best friend.

Angry child

Questions to ask your inner child

• What makes you so angry? (Let me remind you of an incident from your childhood.)
• What usually makes you angry? Do you often get angry?
• What do your parents, your teachers, your friends do with your anger? Are you being reassured? If this is not the case, how would you like to be reassured and “cooled down”?

How to be a good parent to yourself

Accept the emotion first, which you are experiencing at the moment, accept that it is present, acute and painful. You can say to yourself out loud, “I’m angry, I’m angry, I’m furious.”

Breathe deeply to relieve stress: inhale and exhale through your nose and for as long as possible.

Find what caused your anger(unfair criticism); figure out what particularly hurt you (“I had a feeling that I was devalued”); ask yourself whether your emotion was justified but excessive, or justified and proportionate to the occasion.

So that anger becomes your ally, Start by not immediately jumping into conversations that are fraught with conflict, so that you can calm yourself using breathing and relaxation techniques. Then calmly consider how to reduce or negate the factors that provoke your anger.

2 Specialist in personal and organizational development. Co-author of the book “Understanding Oneself and the Other” (“L’Intelligence de soi et de l’autre”, InterÉditions, 2014).

In modern psychology, children are fashionable. On the internal ones. Different directions and techniques offer to recognize your inner child. Meet something forgotten inside that needs support and gives inner strength. Talk, find out, accept and start listening to his needs.
The wonderful golden child is so tempting. Its purity, spontaneity and innocence give strength and beauty to our lives. In a romantic attitude towards the inner child, specialists from various fields agree. They each explain this phenomenon in their own way. Although in one thing they are perhaps similar. The “inner child” is primarily a metaphor that helps you access the creative, authentic, wise, joyful and tender part of yourself.
But... even such a golden baby can turn into an insidious werewolf.

Being carried away by “working with the inner child”, we risk falling into a trap as old as time. Idealizing our bright, sunny child, we forget about its other side - its dark and eternally dissatisfied offspring. Approaching our inner world with the help of clear rational schemes, we ignore the hidden irrational. By focusing only on the positive, we awaken the negativity dormant within.
And at the same time, a well-known paradox comes into play: as soon as you discover some effective technique for yourself (or when something becomes a technique), this very technique stops working.

The old French fairy tale “The Magic Log” will help you understand the reverse essence of the inner child.
Once upon a time there lived a grandfather and a woman who had no children. “Why do you need a child, you are already poor, he will eat you,” the neighbors told them. But they really wanted him, their baby. So much so that one day my grandfather even thought the stump of a log looked like a small child. He brought it to his wife. And they began to nurse him. But Logo was very hungry. It constantly, constantly wanted to eat. Ate the woman. Ate my grandfather. And then their all-knowing neighbors.
In general, this insatiable kid walked around the village and said:
I am a hungry stump -
I ate the whole pudding cold,
I drank a glass of milk,
I ate a slice of bread.
But the food ran out -
Swallowed mom and dad.
I'll eat you too!
And swallowed everyone he met along the way. This Kolobok is the opposite. And the peasants, and their cattle, etc., etc. Until one quick-witted peasant woman in a cabbage field stuck her hoe in his stomach. And all the eaten villagers with their livestock and equipment fell out of his belly. Including the woman and grandfather, his parents. “And they didn’t want any more children,” that fairy tale ends.

The fairly famous Czech film “Log” was based on this fairy tale. Its creator, Jan Svankmajer, is not only a film director, but also a screenwriter, artist, set designer, sculptor, and animator. In his manifesto “The Magic of Objects,” he calls for returning the irrational its space, “the adequate place it occupies in the human psyche.”
This film is scary, strange, absurd and funny. And emotionally accurate. Makes us feel how we are caught up in our dark, irrational experiences. How we give in to them. How we drown in their hopelessness. And we find ourselves eaten.

And psychotherapist Stephen Wolinsky has a book on this topic, “The Dark Side of the Inner Child.” “Once I was invited to give a presentation to a group of about forty psychotherapists. I asked the participants, “Have any of you healed your inner child? Do you know anyone who has done this?” I have not heard a single answer,” Wolinsky writes.
The point is that the wounded inner child does not actually need to be healed. He is stuck in an old psychological defense mechanism. He remained in the past and has no intention of getting out of there. There is his bread and his song. Such a child sees the world frozen, he resists the present, he does not perceive reality as it appears here and now, because he is not now and not here. He is stuck in the old system of beliefs and stereotypes.

So a wounded child is not only a baby in need of our support, but also a monster ready to devour us. (There is another good book about this duality of the traumatic defense mechanism, “The Inner World of Trauma by Donald Kalsched.)
Such a baby does not have a feeling of satiety, like a shark. And he is ready to endlessly absorb the psychic energy that you are ready to give him. He needs your fears, anger, resentment, hatred, dissatisfaction with yourself... More and more. And he will never be full of them.
Moreover, each significant deep traumatic experience gives rise to its own defense mechanism. Every painful story creates its own little disgruntled offspring, argues Stephen Wolinsky. And we have more than one joyful baby in need of acceptance. And a whole orphanage.
Whose inhabitants may still be those pranksters. Capricious blackmailers. Eternally hungry gluttons. Even cannibals. They can prevent us from even taking a step. Moan. To bully us. Put in an awkward position. Chew on grievances. And spit on them. Fueled by anger. Pull down, back. They can take us hostage to our own past. Our traumatic experiences. Strakh. And hatred.

But most of the time we simply don’t notice all this. Because when the wounded inner child awakens in us, we fall into a trance. We turn on habitual protective automatisms that we do not control. We, indeed, find ourselves eaten by this baby. Together with our entire reality - with the cart, with the horse, neighbors, etc., etc.
And here it is important to realize what is happening. Understand that you are now caught up in all of this. Stick a hoe into the belly of this mechanism so that everything that is absorbed falls out. Our awareness, flooded with childhood feelings. Feeling yourself. The ability to manage oneself. Ability to make decisions and follow them. Our big I.

In general, miracles, of course, happen. But relying only on them is not the best way to reach them. St. Augustine also prescribed to pray as if everything depends only on God, and to work as if everything depends only on you.
To find real treasures, you have to go through difficult adventures. If you don’t believe me, re-read Stevenson.
So meeting your inner child is not only a magical holiday with colorful balloons, strawberries and cream, soulful songs, dancing and kisses. It's a whole bunch of hungry orphans inside.
And what is important is not just hope in a miracle within oneself, but also something else, also important. Pay attention to what is happening. Mindfulness. Honesty towards yourself. And acceptance. And also the ability to recognize internal trances when the little ogre begins to hypnotize you. The ability to tear it off your chest when it begins to devour you. The inner ability to see what the needs are behind all this. Determination to meet these needs. In general, this is attention, love and compassion for yourself. Inner discipline and constant practice too.

So the golden baby inside is often just an illusion, Baba Yaga’s sweet house. And if you enter it carelessly, you risk being eaten. However, there is always the opportunity to show the witch a wooden stump instead of your own finger. There is always the possibility of salvation.
To do this, you just need to wake up and get out of the trance. And take responsibility for what happens.

Svetlana Gamzaeva psychologist Nizhny Novgorod #soul spices