The school year is coming to an end, and it's time to sum up school results. What to do if your grades are bad?
The bad rating became a fact. There is no longer any point in shouting, waving your arms, drinking heart drops, reproaching your child for idleness and stupidity. You have to finish the year or get a certificate in any way. and parents should be on the first flank of the fight for him.
Middle classes
If you're the parent of a middle school student, it's good to know that schools don't want students who fail. It is believed that this is an indicator of poor work by teachers, and the director of an educational institution will definitely not be praised for this. Therefore, if your child has neglected his studies, keep in mind that a way out of this situation can be found.
The first thing you should do is talk to your class teacher. He will help you understand the situation and tell you what time is best to approach the subject teacher. It is advisable to do this together with the child: this way you can correctly assess his relationship with the teacher. After all, it often happens that at home parents see their child from one side, but at school they know him in a completely different way. Show the teacher your and your child's interest in a positive assessment and find out what you can do to get it. There are different ways: writing essays, preparing oral topics and additional assignments, rewriting test papers.
Let’s say the conversation with the teacher didn’t work out: he and your child remained on opposite sides of the barricades. Then ask your head teacher or director for help. The student’s knowledge can be checked by them themselves or by an independent commission created at your request. But in this case, knowledge should actually exist.
If, nevertheless, it was not possible to avoid a bad mark, the child will be conditionally transferred to the next class. You will be asked to write an application addressed to the school director with a request to postpone the certification to the fall and will be given a lesson plan during the holidays. Well, you, in turn, will have to take care not only of a good rest for your child, but also of his thorough preparation for school. If your school offers classes for low-performing students in June, your child will attend what is called summer school.
Senior classes
The situation is much more complicated with high school students, namely with graduates. Due to failure or academic debt, a student may not be allowed to take the exams. But if he is ready to pay off his debts in the subject, the school will definitely provide him with such an opportunity.
You need to act according to the same scheme as with middle school students. Be sure to contact your class teacher for advice. He will help assess the situation and tell you whether something can be done at this stage. Even in the worst case scenario
(they gave a bad grade and were not allowed to take the exams) the child will not be sent out of school with a certificate. He will still receive the certificate. True, this will cost a lot of blood. Most likely, he will be left for the second year or transferred to self-education with subsequent passing of exams.
Take a different path
All parents dream of their child being the best. They strive to send him to the best school, help him enter the best university and graduate with honors. But often the wishes of the children themselves run counter to their parents’. What if your offspring doesn’t want to conquer school heights at all?
Sometimes it can be difficult to admit to yourself that a child simply does not cope with the program of this educational institution or the program of the 10th and 11th grades. He is unable to study in a prestigious gymnasium, a specialized class, or, finally, just in school after the 9th grade. Perhaps it’s worth thinking about a technical school or college, where he will feel much better?
If you insist on your way, you are unlikely to achieve anything other than constant stress for both yourself and the child. In some cases, it is worth plucking up courage, sensibly assessing the situation and understanding that a step to the side is not a defeat. It's just a different way, and often no worse.
For the future, keep in mind that it is worth periodically looking into your child’s diary. This way you can track his ratings and comments. And even if some problems arise with your studies, they will not come as a surprise to you.
Parents are concerned not so much about the child’s “rating” in comparison with other children (although this, of course, too), but about his internal feelings, his presence or absence of desire and will to overcome obstacles and resistance to failure. With the first five, perhaps everything is clear. This, of course, is joy, the consequence of which is the growth of the little person’s self-esteem, his more confident behavior in the children’s group, and this is a holiday for parents. But how will a beginning student react to first two? Actually, this is something to think about.
Anything can happen
Unfortunately, first two no one can escape it - it can happen in the first grade, or maybe in the sixth, but it will happen someday anyway, because even a genius is not immune from “failures”. A variety of situations are possible: the teacher did not present the new material very clearly or was in a bad mood, angry with the whole class, the child himself showed normal, but not very useful human qualities in school, such as absent-mindedness, inattention to what is said in class . He may be upset, he may have a headache. While going through his personal troubles, he is able to miss an explanation or forget to write down his homework. He's a living person!
After all, knowledge and academic performance are far from the same thing. Progress and keep up are the same root words. The one who manages to solve problems in class, can quickly read, write, and also, without delving into the essence of the matter, completes homework at a pace, gets an A. Sometimes it’s a shame: a child has deep knowledge about the structure of the world around him, thinks a lot, reads encyclopedias, but he is given a bad grade for not having learned paragraph number five by today. But he's not a robot. His life is filled with events and experiences. He might have felt unwell the day before or been busy (preparing for a competition, playing the piano, going away with his parents). It turns out to be an unpleasant situation: he knows the multiplication table by heart, but the teacher did not find exercise number twenty in his notebook. The high performance of “high achievers” is the cost of the imperfect school system, which forces the child to be in constant stress throughout all the years of school.
So, deuce
I must say, this assessment is a terrible thing. However, setting a child the task of avoiding failures at all costs is a more than dubious goal; it is constant nervous tension.
A grade of two is, perhaps, the first serious test that befalls a child, the first test of his vitality. To be honest, few people pass this test with dignity. Even an adult who has graduated from school, technical school and two universities receives mental trauma if he fails to pass the exam at a driving school. What can we say about a child for whom a grade is something like a certificate of the quality of his personality! “Five” in the perception of a child means: “I am good, smart, beautiful, this world accepts me.” “Two points” kills on the spot: “I’m bad, I’m a loser, they don’t love me, the world rejects me.” Unfortunately, the school practices public grading. The child is shamed in front of the whole class: “Three cannot be taken away from seven!” No, look at him! Well? How much will it be? "Two!" - the kid says hesitantly. “Here, I’ll give you two too!” - the teacher announces.
Or another well-known situation. The child is called to the board to answer. Trying to collect his thoughts, he is silent for a minute. “Thank you for the detailed story!” - The teacher grins sarcastically.
The class laughs in delight. Having received a bad mark, the child returns to his place, and everyone looks closely at the expression on his face. Will she cry? Will he smile a crooked smile, hiding despair? It is indecent to cry - they will laugh! Usually children blush and lower their eyes. They want to quickly hide, get lost among their peers, and not attract attention to themselves. I must say that after a bad grade, the child sits for the next fifteen minutes, or even the entire lesson, in a daze, does not hear anything, does not understand, and automatically copies from the board.
The shame was public, and now with his behavior the student seeks to prove that grades are not the main thing. An unsatisfactory grade is detrimental to further learning.
Remember the consequences
How to prepare your child for a possible bad grade and how to react if he has already received one. What should I do to prevent the loss of interest in studying, the loss of self-esteem, and the development of persistent resentment towards the teacher? “But mine doesn’t worry about bad grades at all!” - someone will say. Yes, the sensations eventually become dull. Indifference to grades comes with the realization that nothing good can shine in the sphere of educational activity and it is necessary to establish oneself in some other way. Such a child tries to gain authority in a dubious courtyard company, demonstrates strength, is deliberately proud of the well-being of the family, or strives for power over younger and weaker ones.
It is a great success if he compensates for the moral damage caused by twos by completely devoting himself to creativity or sports. Usually he himself gives up on his intellect. If at the same time his parents attach special importance to intellectual development, call the child stupid for failing him and show hostility, then he will soon move away from them and become indifferent to their words. A bad grade can not only interfere with your studies, but also destroy family relationships.
Assessments (according to the prevailing stereotype of perception) are a confirmation of the child’s primary “social status”, a kind of indicator of which social stratum he will belong to.
In kindergarten, everyone was equal, and at school the future is already outlined: excellent student = college = career = management position; poor student = unskilled labor = humiliation = hatred of the intelligentsia. As a result, the child may completely deny spiritual ideals - to spite the teacher, that same evil representative of the intelligentsia who supposedly carries “eternal spiritual values” and humiliates the child with two grades because he did not have time to memorize them on time.
The impact of twos on the psychology of children has not yet been sufficiently studied. The problem can hide many pitfalls. Perhaps the schools of the future will abandon such straightforward assessments and try not to clip the children’s wings. But now twos are legalized, and our children have to live with them and resist them.
The most likely causes of twos
- Errors, misunderstanding of material
Sometimes the result can be negative. Parents should say: “Let the twos correct the course of your thoughts, and not upset you!”
- Indifference to studies, laziness
The situation is difficult - there is no motivation to study. A consequence of mutual misunderstanding with the teacher, a bad program, or missing material. You should find out what the matter is and try to create motivation for the child, at least by explaining the direct connection between academic success and future well-being, as is practiced in the West. A person must be able to work, withstand competition, and endure failures.
- Failure in the literal sense of the learning process goes quickly, not all children can keep up with it. No sooner have you completed the letters than you need to read fluently, etc. Fs are possible due to insufficient speed of work. Phlegmatic people are unlucky: they are often capable, but slow. Temperament, as we know, cannot be changed, so the teacher must be warned that the child will prove himself more likely in difficult homework than in a quick survey.
- The program is too complex
Often parents make excessive demands on their child, send him to a prestigious lyceum with many difficult subjects, and send him to school too early. After classes, the child has a headache, he is tired and nervous. “In this lyceum you have to suffer all evening to get at least a C!” - then the parents worry. You should choose a school where studying, although difficult, is enjoyable, where difficulties are completely surmountable and you can get A’s with adequate effort.
- F's are not for knowledge
There are deuces because of behavior. There are character traits that “contribute” to getting a bad grade: absent-mindedness, inattention, thoughtfulness, self-doubt, anxiety. Helping the child become confident, strong, collected - this is the task of the parents in this case.
- Conflict with teacher
A teacher can cause both love for a subject and hatred. A lot depends on the relationship between the child and the teacher. The teacher does not always give grades objectively, and the child, even with good knowledge, may be afraid to answer the lesson. If it turns out that grades are influenced not only by knowledge, but also by the relationship with the teacher, parents should meet with the teacher more often, showing that they know what is happening and are ready to defend the rights of the child. You should not allow the teacher to dictate your will, you should try to establish a cooperative relationship - for the sake of the child. There are cases of obvious incompatibility between teacher and student. If such a situation arises in a primary school, it is better to transfer the child to another class.
- Accident
A certain percentage of random twos is always acceptable, as long as it does not exceed the norm.
- Conscious refusal to learn
Some children, having decided that they will not become engineers, may refuse to study mathematics, chemistry, etc. In this case, we need to talk about the benefits of general education, that even purely humanitarian professions (journalist, psychologist, lawyer) will benefit from technical knowledge invaluable.
When you look at the diary, pay maximum attention to positive assessments. You can remain indifferent to twos. Just ask: “Why are there not enough A’s? If you don’t know something, I will help you!” If the parent is not very well versed, for example, in intricate chemistry and is unlikely to be able to help, he can, on the contrary, ask the child: “Come on, I’ll sit with you, and you will explain the new material to me. I'd like to know that too." In short, pay more attention to scientific truth, not to estimates! If you discuss a bad grade with a child, then speak in a businesslike manner, without emotion. You can’t draw generalized conclusions from two, such as “you’re a fool” or “you don’t know physics.” On the contrary, it is necessary to localize the area for which the estimate was obtained as accurately as possible: physics - mechanics - Newton's second law. It is this second Newton’s law with all the variants of problems that must be properly studied and understood.
You should explain to the child that even with his good intelligence, failures can still happen and you need to be able to calmly correct them, and not fall into panic or rage. The ability to courageously overcome difficulties and not give up is very useful for later life.
Any parent raising a schoolchild has at least once encountered the problem of whether or not to punish their son or daughter for bad grades? Before you grab your belt, which is basically unacceptable in parenting, or deprive your child of a computer for bringing a bad mark from school, try to understand yourself. Why does this fact bother you so much? It will also not be superfluous to clarify the reasons for the child’s poor performance.
The importance of grades in school
Studying plays an important role in the life of a school-age child, but it is far from the main one. Most often, bad grades upset parents more. Psychologists advise not to focus too much attention on bad grades if the child only occasionally receives bad grades. But if poor performance at school has become systematic, it is worth taking action. First of all, you need to find out the reason for this behavior and the objectivity of the marks. There are often cases when bad grades are given to students unfairly. But if the two are well deserved, it’s worth thinking about why this fact hurts you so much?
Almost all parents dream of their children doing “good” and “excellent” in school. They worry about the future and career of their child, and this is normal. But is it worth attaching so much importance to the numbers in the diary? Let’s not remember the great geniuses who failed, but the fact remains that academic performance at school is not a 100% lucky ticket to a comfortable and successful future. It is much more important to develop the child’s abilities and talents.
Some psychologists advise hiring tutors or independently paying attention to studying exactly those subjects for which the child has an aptitude. By developing their talents, a son or daughter will be able to gain a deeper knowledge of subjects that will help them in their career in the future. It most often does not make sense to do well in all subjects. This only plunges the child into additional stress and motivates him not to gain quality knowledge, but to mechanically hunt for beautiful notes in the diary.
Reasons for poor performance at school
If a child does not study well, there may be several reasons:
- The student has lost motivation and interest in studying.
- Bad grades can be a consequence of a child's demonstrative behavior.
- The teacher does not present the material competently enough.
- The child is in chronic stress.
- It is difficult for a student to acquire new knowledge; there are no skills to effectively assimilate information.
- Tensions with teachers or peers.
- Parents place inflated importance on grades.
By eliminating the causes of poor performance in school, you can significantly improve your grades.
Should I be punished for bad grades?
We've come to the most important thing - should a child be punished for bad grades? And in general, how to react to school performance? Psychologists advise not to punish a child for bad marks, but to respond to laziness and slackness. If you see that a child previously studied “good” and “excellent”, and now has begun to slide down, you should urgently find the reason for this behavior before the situation worsens.
If the main reasons for bad grades are excessive passion for computer games, long walks with friends on the street, then it is worth limiting this, and not scolding them for failing. Find out the reason for the loss of motivation to study and only then take preventive measures.
It is worth remembering that all children are different. For some, a red mark in the diary is a big stress, for others it is an insignificant event that should not be given importance. Younger schoolchildren react especially sharply to negative assessments. Constantly punishing a child for failing without finding out the reasons, and not supporting him morally, you drive him into even greater stress.
Finished the quarter with a “5”? Hold your tablet!
You should also not engage in the prevention of failures by encouraging good academic performance with material benefits and other bonuses. This parental behavior forces the child to mechanically receive grades at school without delving into the subjects. We all remember our childhood and our comrades who begged teachers for good grades through tears, manipulation and other unhealthy ways.
Praise your child for his successes, comparing him “today” with “yesterday”. Do not use more successful peers as an example; this hurts the child’s psyche and mentally distances you from your child. Use the word “but” more often in your speech. “Yes, you’re bad at drawing, but you only get A’s in math,” “Yes, you got a C, but this time you made fewer mistakes,” etc.
Remember that motivation to study depends on the teacher’s attitude towards his subject, the parents’ attitude towards learning and the student’s personal incentive. The combination of these factors produces excellent results. Do not overly control the student, especially in the lower grades. You shouldn’t do homework for him, just check that he’s completing his assignments.
Let school not be a burden, and let the motivation to study be avoiding punishment for getting bad grades. Then the child will be able to develop a healthy interest in new knowledge, while receiving true pleasure from learning.
You have just read an article on our website. Please rate it on a scale from 1 to 5 in the comments. And, if it’s not difficult, write a few words about what you think about modern education.
The long-awaited holidays are approaching for most schoolchildren.
Your baby has grown up imperceptibly, and now he is no longer a baby or a funny preschooler, but almost an adult, respectable person - a schoolboy. I bought a school uniform and the best backpack, a stack of notebooks, pens, pencils and a whole bunch of other necessary things. And are you looking forward to the fact that your child will delight his parents with A’s every day? It cannot be otherwise: after all, your child is the smartest, most developed, quick-witted and well-read!
When suddenly... Out of the blue, twos appear in the diary. And you are at a loss: how can this be? What to do? Scold, punish, deal with the teacher?
We will give some advice from a psychologist on what to do if a child brings bad grades:
Tip #1 First of all - calm down. Not a single person has yet managed to do without twos. Remember the most important thing: you cannot scold, let alone punish, for bad grades. Why? Because this will not help get rid of the problem, but it will show the child that parents cannot be trusted, and next time he will try to hide the mark he received. And over time, he will learn to hide other problems from you. Do you need this?
If twos appear in your child’s diary occasionally, then there is no need to worry at all. Such occasional bad grades can be considered an accident: it doesn’t happen to anyone!
Tip #2 If you see a clear deterioration on the academic front, try to understand the situation. Maybe the school curriculum is too difficult for the child? This happens more often than one might think. In this case, think about additional classes. A similar result occurs in the case, on the contrary, of a program that is too easy for a child whose level of development is ahead of the knowledge offered by the school. He is simply bored doing what he has known for a long time, and deuces can appear as a result of negligence.
Tip #3 Another option is plain laziness. Well, your child is also a person and has the right to be lazy. Try to control how he does his homework, check it every evening for a while. Maybe you'll have to sit with him over your textbooks and explain something. This method will also help if a student simply does not understand a topic and has difficulties.
Tip #4 A good way out would be the right motivation. Explain to your child that the knowledge he receives in elementary school is the basis for all future studies, and if he doesn’t take his studies seriously now, he will have a very hard time in high school. Do not threaten, but calmly say that if you receive a report card with bad grades, you will have to cancel the long-awaited summer trip: it must be earned. And don’t be afraid to keep your promise if the child fails. Let him realize: he has entered adulthood, canceling a trip is not a punishment, but a confirmation of the truth that everything good must be earned.
Tip #5 It may also happen that the student does not have a good relationship with the teacher. Here parents must make every effort to “resolve” the situation with the teacher. Talk to your child, find out the reason, try to understand the essence - who is right and who is not so right. It would also be useful to have a conversation with the teacher - alone or at a parent-teacher meeting, depending on the circumstances. Just don’t get ready for “war”! Show your diplomatic skills.
Your goal is not to discourage your child from learning, not to suppress his faith in himself. Demand, but don’t shout or scold. Explain that you are ready to provide any help that is required of you.
Faced with the fact that their beloved child begins to regularly carry “twos” and “threes,” few adults really think about how to correct the situation. The only right decision, as most parents believe, lies on the surface: scold, and that’s all! Look, next time he will be more diligent. Unfortunately, this approach often leads to the exact opposite result: a child who was scolded at all costs for an accidental “D” does not begin to study better, but, on the contrary, completely neglects his studies, and sometimes can even become aggressive. Parents, sincerely perplexed, often begin to put even more pressure on their offspring - needless to say, this only aggravates the situation?
On the other hand, it’s also impossible to completely ignore a child’s bad grades - a relaxed child will realize in the blink of an eye that the parents have given up. Subsequently, it is very difficult to “retrain” such a child: if you did not pay attention to your student’s diary for several years, but after some time you began to demand good grades from him, it will not be possible to force a child who is accustomed to “forgetting” to study. We did a little research and found out why you should never scold a child for bad grades. You can find out the reasons by reading our article.
Reason one: grades do not characterize a person
The grades your child receives can tell a lot of things, but not the kind of person he really is. Characterizing a person by paying attention only to his grades is very stupid, but, unfortunately, this is exactly what most parents “suffer” from: in an attempt to reason with their child, they begin to compare his successes with the achievements of some excellent student. Such a comparison makes the child feel bad (since he cannot achieve the same thing that the hypothetical Vasya Ivanov achieved) and devalues his own successes. You should never scold your child just because he received what you think is an inappropriate grade, also for the reason that the grade may not reflect real knowledge: there are often cases, for example, when a teacher deliberately underestimates the grades of children whose parents did not hand over money on time (or did not hand over at all, although this is not necessary) for classroom needs. Unfortunately, most schools are still very, very far from objectively assessing the abilities of each child, and therefore you should not get hung up on grades: in most cases, they still do not reflect reality.
Reason two: your child may think that you are only interested in grades
If you scold your child for not giving a very good grade, or, on the contrary, praise your child for a high result noted in the diary, there is a risk that the child will think that you are only interested in school success. Every child wants to be loved, no matter what progress he makes at school. By scolding your child for bad grades, you, of course, can ensure that he becomes a better student. However, you run the risk of provoking in your child the development of so-called childhood perfectionism, or excellent student syndrome: it will be quite difficult to get rid of it later.
Reason three: scolding your child for bad grades, you kill the motivation to study better
For some reason, many parents think that the fear that a child experiences, afraid of getting a bad grade, is an excellent motivation that makes him study better. Maybe in some cases such “motivation” will work, and for some time you will even be able to observe a series of A’s and B’s in your student’s diary. Fortunately or unfortunately, in most cases, parents' threats do not lead to anything good: it will not be possible to force a child to study better just by scolding him for bad grades. Alas, most likely you will have to observe an outcome completely different from what you expected: the child will simply lose the remnants of motivation that could encourage him to study better. Punishment in this case becomes meaningless, useless and even harmful: you not only did not achieve what you wanted, but also worsened an already deplorable situation.
