Psychology Professor Jack Schafer for many years worked as a special agent for the FBI and taught other agents techniques of influence and persuasion, which are sometimes unthinkable without personal charm. According to him, there is golden rule, using which you can win over any person. And it sounds like this: “ Make the other person like you».
How to achieve this? Bright Side leads 6 great advice Jack Schafer, which he repeatedly tested in work and in life.
1. Make a mistake
When Jack Schafer begins teaching a course of lectures to a new class, he casually makes a mistake in the pronunciation of a word and allows the students to correct themselves. “I pretend to be embarrassed, thank them for their consideration, and correct the mistake,” Jack says.
He uses this technique to achieve 3 goals. First, when students correct a teacher's mistake, it makes them feel more confident. Secondly, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor. Thirdly, they allow themselves to make mistakes.
This technique can be used to win over any person. Make mistakes, show your imperfections, let people correct you. And they will be favorable to you.
2. Talk to people about themselves
We are too busy with ourselves and take very little interest in the people we meet. But in order to please people, you need to be sincerely interested in them.
“You will make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in people than by trying to get them to be interested in you in two years.” (Dale Carnegie)
« When people talk about themselves it doesn’t matter - in a personal conversation or on social networks, the same pleasure centers in the brain are activated as from delicious food or money" (Robert Lee Holtz)
These two quotes show how important it is to talk to people about their business in order to win them over. Be interested in their family, biography, children, their opinion on this and that matter, and gratitude, sometimes unconscious, is guaranteed to you.
3. Give a compliment in the third person.
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to take them or experience discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a third-person compliment.
For example, you want to ask accountant Anna Ivanovna for some favor and you include the following phrase: “Anna Ivanovna, by the way, the head of the personnel department said that you are the most conscientious worker our company."
It is not necessary, of course, to praise some professional qualities, maybe personal ones. For example, like this: “Anna Ivanovna, the head of the HR department still remembers your pies with onions that you brought for your birthday.”
4. Don't forget to sympathize.
Every person is pleased to know that they listen to him attentively and share his emotions with him. Of course, if a person starts talking about how he had a hard day, you shouldn’t moan: “What a horror, you poor thing!” Especially if it's your boss.
A simple statement like: “Yes, you had a difficult day today will do.” It doesn’t happen to anyone!” If a person tells you that he was able to cope with a difficult case, you can summarize it like this: “It looks like things are going great for you today. This is cool!"
We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. At the same time, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words. The interlocutor may be wary: he will perceive the repetition as something unnatural.
5. Ask for a favor
Benjamin Franklin famously said: “He who has done you good once is more willing to help you again than he whom you have helped yourself.” This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. A person who shows kindness to another person grows into a own eyes. That is, if you want to please a person, then it is better not to do him a favor, but to ask him for a favor. Of course, you shouldn’t overuse requests for help.
As Franklin wittily noted: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell bad on the third day.” The same can be said for people who ask for favors too often.
6. Make the person praise himself
Between an ordinary compliment and flattery there is a very fine line, That's why It’s better to make the interlocutor praise himself. For example, someone tells you this story: “I worked day and night to close this project.” Here you can say: “Yes, this requires iron will" It’s almost guaranteed that your interlocutor will answer something like: “Yes, I had to work hard to deliver the project on time. I certainly did a great job. There’s nothing to be said here.”
The ability to make a person praise himself is aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.
All this advice is certainly not a call for hypocrisy. We just want to help you do nice things for other people and live in peace with everyone.
Based on materials from the book by D. Shafer “
This 6 ways secret agents of international intelligence services are trained. Psychology professor Jack Schafer, who is involved in this training, shared the secrets of personal charm.
1. Make a mistake
When Jack Schafer begins teaching a course of lectures to a new class, he casually makes a mistake in the pronunciation of a word and allows the students to correct themselves.
“I pretend to be embarrassed, thank them for their attentiveness and correct the mistake,”- says Jack.
He uses this technique to achieve 3 goals.
Firstly When students correct a teacher's mistake, it makes them feel more confident.
Secondly, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor.
Thirdly, they allow themselves to make mistakes.
This technique can be used to win over any person. Make mistakes, show your imperfections, let people correct you. And they will be favorable to you.
2. Talk to people about themselves
We are too busy with ourselves and take very little interest in the people we meet. But in order to please people, you need to be sincerely interested in them.
“You will make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in people than by trying to get them to be interested in you in two years.”(Dale Carnegie)
“When people talk about themselves, whether in person or on social media, the same pleasure centers in the brain are activated as when they hear delicious food or money.”(Robert Lee Holtz)
These two quotes show how important it is to talk to people about their business in order to win them over.
Take an interest in their family, biography, children, their opinion on this and that matter, and gratitude, sometimes unconscious, is guaranteed to you.
3. Give a compliment in the third person.
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to take them or experience discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a third-person compliment.
For example, you want to ask accountant Anna Ivanovna for some favor and include the following phrase: “Anna Ivanovna, by the way, the head of the HR department said that you are the most conscientious employee of our company.”
It is not necessary, of course, to praise some professional qualities; you can also praise personal ones.
For example, like this: “Anna Ivanovna, head of the HR department, still remembers your pies with onions that you brought for your birthday.”
4. Don't forget to sympathize.
Every person is pleased to know that they listen to him attentively and share his emotions with him. Of course, if a person starts talking about how he had a hard day, you shouldn’t moan: “What a horror, you poor thing!” Especially if this is your boss.
A simple statement like: “Yes, you had a difficult day today. It doesn’t happen to anyone!” If a person says that he managed to cope with a difficult matter, it can be summarized as follows: “It looks like things are going great for you today. This is cool!".
We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. At the same time, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words. The interlocutor may be wary: he will perceive the repetition as something unnatural.
5. Ask for a favor
Benjamin Franklin famously said: “The one who once did you good will be more willing to help you again than the one whom you helped yourself.”
This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. A person who shows kindness to another person grows in his own eyes.
That is if you want to please a person, then it’s better not to do him a favor, but to ask him for a favor.
Of course, you should not abuse requests for help. As the same Franklin wittily noted: “ Guests, like fish, begin to smell bad on the third day.”. The same can be said for people who ask for favors too often.
6. Make the person praise himself
There's a very fine line between a simple compliment and flattery, so it's better make the interlocutor praise himself.
For example, someone tells you this story: “In order to close this project, I worked day and night”. Here we can say: “Yes, this requires an iron will.”
It is almost guaranteed that the interlocutor will answer something like: “ Yes, I had to work hard to deliver the project on time. I certainly did a great job. There’s nothing to be said here.”
The ability to make a person praise himself is aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.
All this advice is certainly not a call for hypocrisy. We just want to help you do something nice for other people and live in peace with everyone.
Psychology professor Jack Schafer worked for many years as an FBI special agent and taught other agents techniques of influence and persuasion, which are sometimes unthinkable without personal charm. According to him, there is a golden rule, using which you can win over any person. And it sounds like this: “Make your interlocutor like himself.”
How to achieve this? We present 6 great tips from Jack Schafer that he has tried many times in work and in life.
1. Make a mistake
When Jack Schafer begins teaching a course of lectures to a new class, he casually makes a mistake in the pronunciation of a word and allows the students to correct themselves. “I pretend to be embarrassed, thank them for their consideration, and correct the mistake,” Jack says.
He uses this technique to achieve 3 goals. First, when students correct a teacher's mistake, it makes them feel more confident. Secondly, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor. Thirdly, they allow themselves to make mistakes.
This technique can be used to win over any person. Make mistakes, show your imperfections, let people correct you. And they will be favorable to you.
2. Talk to people about themselves
We are too busy with ourselves and take very little interest in the people we meet. But in order to please people, you need to be sincerely interested in them.
“You will make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in people than by trying to get them to be interested in you in two years.” (Dale Carnegie)
“When people talk about themselves, whether in person or on social media, the same pleasure centers in the brain are activated as when they hear delicious food or money.” (Robert Lee Holtz)
These two quotes show how important it is to talk to people about their business in order to win them over. Be interested in their family, biography, children, their opinion on this and that matter, and gratitude, sometimes unconscious, is guaranteed to you.
3. Give a compliment in the third person.
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to take them or experience discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a third-person compliment.
For example, you want to ask accountant Anna Ivanovna for some favor and you include the following phrase: “Anna Ivanovna, by the way, the head of the HR department said that you are the most conscientious employee of our company.”
It is not necessary, of course, to praise some professional qualities; you can also praise personal ones. For example, like this: “Anna Ivanovna, the head of the HR department still remembers your pies with onions that you brought for your birthday.”
4. Don't forget to sympathize.
Every person is pleased to know that they listen to him attentively and share his emotions with him. Of course, if a person starts talking about how he had a hard day, you shouldn’t moan: “What a horror, you poor thing!” Especially if it's your boss.
A simple statement like: “Yes, you had a difficult day today will do.” It doesn’t happen to anyone!” If a person tells you that he was able to cope with a difficult case, you can summarize it like this: “It looks like things are going great for you today. This is cool!"
We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. At the same time, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words. The interlocutor may be wary: he will perceive the repetition as something unnatural.
5. Ask for a favor
Benjamin Franklin famously said: “He who has done you good once is more willing to help you again than he whom you have helped yourself.” This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. A person who shows kindness to another person grows in his own eyes. That is, if you want to please a person, then it is better not to do him a favor, but to ask him for a favor. Of course, you shouldn’t overuse requests for help.
As Franklin wittily noted: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell bad on the third day.” The same can be said for people who ask for favors too often.
6. Make the person praise himself
There is a very fine line between an ordinary compliment and flattery, so it is better to make the interlocutor praise himself. For example, someone tells you this story: “I worked day and night to close this project.” Here you can say: “Yes, this requires an iron will.” It’s almost guaranteed that your interlocutor will answer something like: “Yes, I had to work hard to deliver the project on time. I certainly did a great job. There’s nothing to be said here.”
The ability to make a person praise himself is aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.
All these tips will help you to please other people and live in peace with everyone.
Psychology professor Jack Schafer worked for many years as an FBI special agent and taught other agents techniques of influence and persuasion, which are sometimes unthinkable without personal charm. According to him, there is a golden rule, using which you can win over any person. And it sounds like this: “Make the Interlocutor Like Himself.”
1. make a mistake.
When Jack the Best Man begins to teach a course of lectures to a new class, he, as if by chance, makes a mistake in the pronunciation of a word and allows the students to correct themselves. “I Act Confused, Thank Them for Their Consideration, and Correct the Mistake,” Jack says.
He uses this technique to achieve 3 goals. First, when students correct a teacher's mistake, it makes them feel more confident. Secondly, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor. Thirdly, they allow themselves to make mistakes.
This technique can be used to win over any person. Make mistakes, show your imperfections, let people correct you. And they will be favorable to you.
2. talk to people about themselves.
We are too busy with ourselves and take very little interest in the people we meet. But in order to please people, you need to be sincerely interested in them.
"You'll Make More Friends in Two Months by Showing Genuine Interest in People than in Two Years of Trying to Get Them Interested in You." (Dale Carnegie).
“When People Talk About Themselves, Whether in Personal Conversation or on Social Networks, the same Pleasure Centers in the Brain are activated as from Tasty Food or Money.” (Robert Lee Holtz).
These two quotes show how important it is to talk to people about their business in order to win them over. Be interested in their family, biography, children, their opinion on this and that matter, and gratitude, sometimes unconscious, is guaranteed to you.
3. give a compliment in the third person.
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to take them or experience discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a third-person compliment.
For example, you want to ask accountant Anna Ivanovna for some favor and include the following phrase: “Anna Ivanovna, By the way, the Head of the Human Resources Department Said that you are the Most Conscientious Employee of Our Company.”
It is not necessary, of course, to praise some professional qualities; you can also praise personal ones. For example, like this: “Anna Ivanovna, Head of the Human Resources Department, still Remembers your Pies with Onions, Which you brought for your Birthday.”
4. don't forget to sympathize.
Every person is pleased to know that they listen to him attentively and share his emotions with him. Of course, if a person starts talking about how he had a hard day, you shouldn’t moan: “What a horror, you poor thing!” Especially if it’s your boss.
An ordinary statement like: “yes, you had a difficult day today. Who doesn’t!” If a Person Tells You That He Managed to Cope with a Difficult Thing, You Can Summarize This: “It looks like things are going great for you today. That’s great.” We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. At the same time, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words.
The interlocutor may be wary: he will perceive the repetition as something unnatural.
5. ask for a favor.
Benjamin Franklin famously said: “He who has once done you good will be more willing to help you again than he whom you have helped yourself.” This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. A person who shows kindness to another person grows in his own eyes. That is, if you want to please a person, then it is better not to do him a favor, but to ask him for a favor. Of course, you shouldn’t overuse requests for help.
As the same Franklin wittily noted: “Guests, like Fish, Start to Smell Bad on the Third Day.” The same can be said for people who ask for favors too often.
6. Make the person praise himself.
There is a very fine line between an ordinary compliment and flattery, so it is better to make the interlocutor praise himself. For example, someone tells you this story: “In order to close this project, I worked day and night.” Here you can say: “Yes, this requires an Iron Will.” It's almost guaranteed that your interlocutor will answer something like: “yes, I had to work hard to deliver the project on time. I, of course, did a great job. There’s nothing to say.”
The ability to make a person praise himself is aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.
All this advice is certainly not a call for hypocrisy. We just want to help you do nice things for other people and live in peace with everyone.
Psychology professor Jack Schafer worked for many years as an FBI special agent and taught other agents techniques of influence and persuasion, which are sometimes unthinkable without personal charm. According to him, there is a golden rule, using which you can win over any person. And it sounds like this: “Make your interlocutor like himself.”
How to achieve this? We bring Jack Schafer's 6 Great Tips, which he repeatedly tested in work and in life.
1. Make a mistake
When Jack Schafer begins teaching a course of lectures to a new class, he casually makes a mistake in the pronunciation of a word and allows the students to correct themselves. “I pretend to be embarrassed, thank them for their consideration, and correct the mistake,” Jack says.
He uses this technique to achieve 3 goals. First, when students correct a teacher's mistake, it makes them feel more confident. Secondly, they begin to communicate more freely with the mentor. Thirdly, they allow themselves to make mistakes.
This technique can be used to win over any person. Make mistakes, show your imperfections, let people correct you. And they will be favorable to you.
2. Talk to people about themselves
We are too busy with ourselves and take very little interest in the people we meet. But in order to please people, you need to be sincerely interested in them.
“You will make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in people than by trying to get them to be interested in you in two years.” (Dale Carnegie)
“When people talk about themselves, whether in a personal conversation or on social networks, the same pleasure centers in the brain are activated as when eating delicious food or money.” (Robert Lee Holtz)
These two quotes show how important it is to talk to people about their business in order to win them over. Be interested in their family, biography, children, their opinion on this and that matter, and gratitude, sometimes unconscious, is guaranteed to you.
3. Give a compliment in the third person.
Sometimes direct compliments sound too intrusive. Many people are not ready to take them or experience discomfort. In such cases, it is better to use a third-person compliment.
For example, you want to ask accountant Anna Ivanovna for some favor and you include the following phrase: “Anna Ivanovna, by the way, the head of the HR department said that you are the most conscientious employee of our company.”
It is not necessary, of course, to praise some professional qualities; you can also praise personal ones. For example, like this: “Anna Ivanovna, the head of the HR department still remembers your pies with onions that you brought for your birthday.”
4. Don't forget to sympathize.
Every person is pleased to know that they listen to him attentively and share his emotions with him. Of course, if a person starts talking about how he had a hard day, you shouldn’t moan: “What a horror, you poor thing!” Especially if it's your boss.
A simple statement like: “Yes, you had a difficult day today will do.” It doesn’t happen to anyone!” If a person tells you that he was able to cope with a difficult case, you can summarize it like this: “It looks like things are going great for you today. This is cool!"
We must convince the interlocutor that we share his feelings and understand him. At the same time, if you are trying to support a person, you do not need to accurately reproduce his words. The interlocutor may be wary: he will perceive the repetition as something unnatural.
5. Ask for a favor
Benjamin Franklin famously said: “He who has done you good once is more willing to help you again than he whom you have helped yourself.” This phenomenon is known as the Benjamin Franklin effect. A person who shows kindness to another person grows in his own eyes. That is, if you want to please a person, then it is better not to do him a favor, but to ask him for a favor. Of course, you shouldn’t overuse requests for help.
As Franklin wittily noted: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell bad on the third day.” The same can be said for people who ask for favors too often.
6. Make the person praise himself
There is a very fine line between an ordinary compliment and flattery, so it is better to make the interlocutor praise himself. For example, someone tells you this story: “I worked day and night to close this project.” Here you can say: “Yes, this requires an iron will.” It’s almost guaranteed that your interlocutor will answer something like: “Yes, I had to work hard to deliver the project on time. I certainly did a great job. There’s nothing to be said here.”
The ability to make a person praise himself is aerobatics. Practice it, make people happy. And you will definitely like it.
All this advice is certainly not a call for hypocrisy. We just want to help you do nice things for other people and live in peace with everyone.
