It is already known that the evolutionary approach to the problem of aggression in animals provides useful analogies and helps to understand what otherwise would not be very meaningful. And here the discussion of the relationship between sexuality and aggression should begin by considering some facts from the life of animals.
Discussing the problem of instincts, K. Lorenz analyzed the interaction of aggression, flight and sex using the example of one species of fish, and then generalized his observations, extending them to people. The result of his analysis is so interesting and useful for understanding the interaction between men and women that it is worth considering. This analysis revealed the most important functions of aggression, which are difficult to notice without scientific analysis.
In one species of fish, “motivational analysis” revealed a special way of recognizing sex. The fact is that in this species of fish, the male and female are almost indistinguishable in appearance. Their behavior is the same, so it was interesting to find out what mechanism prevents homosexual behavior. Only the very keen observation of a naturalist made it possible to find out that the male and female differ only in the absence of certain actions in one of them. It turned out that in the males of this fish, the motivation of flight and sexual behavior cannot be combined. This means that if a male is even slightly afraid of his partner, his sexuality is completely repressed. Females have the same relationship between aggression and sexuality: if she has so little fear of her partner that her aggression is not completely suppressed, she will not respond to him sexually. She, like a fury, will attack him, and her aggressiveness will be stronger, the more potentially she was ready for mating, that is, the closer she was to spawning due to her hormonal state.
On the contrary, aggression and sexuality are completely compatible in the male. He can treat his partner roughly, chase her around the aquarium and at the same time perform sexual and all other mixed actions. A female can, while experiencing fear of a male, remain ready to mate: her sexual behavior is not suppressed due to fear. She, while running away from the male, can, nevertheless, from time to time perform courtship actions. These mixed forms of behavior consisting of escape and sexuality, through the process of ritualization, became widespread ceremonies, usually called "shy behavior", which has a very specific expressive meaning.
Since the mixture of the three great instincts is different in different sexes, a male can mate only with a fearful and therefore submissive female, and a female can only mate with a male who causes fear and behaves dominantly. It is this mechanism that guarantees mating only of opposite sexes.
Sex, aggression and jealousy
How is it going with people? In various variations and modified forms, with the help of various ritualizations, this process of gender recognition and mating plays an important role in different species of vertebrates, including humans. This mechanism shows how aggression, combined with other instincts, can perform the function of preserving the species.
This also shows the biopsychological basis of gender differences. In males and females, men and women, the relationship between the main instinctual drives may be different. Motives that do not inhibit each other in one sex are even mutually exclusive in the other sex.
These ethological data have not yet been fully used in the psychology of sex differences. When they say that women have weaker aggressiveness than men, it should be borne in mind that such a distinction is biologically expedient. A woman, apparently, must be afraid of a man in order to have a strong sexual attraction to him. Aggressive women suppress both their sexual desire and the attraction of the man at whom this aggression is directed. On the other hand, a man’s sexual desire intensifies, firstly, when he is aggressive towards a woman and, secondly, when this woman is afraid of him, but not so much as to leave completely.
This raises a new problem: why does a man, experiencing jealousy, become more sexually aroused than without jealousy? Many men say that this is exactly the phenomenon they often experience. It can be assumed that the main reason is the following: jealousy contains in its complex both sexual attraction and love, and strong aggressiveness towards a woman who, as the man believes, is dating another man. This aggression, combined with imaginary pictures of a woman’s treacherous actions, arouses strong sexual desire in a man. An erection in such a man can last for a very long time, and the desire is reproduced very often. During sexual intercourse with a woman who causes jealousy, a man also develops sadistic desires.
Jealousy, of course, can be unfounded, even pathological. It can be sadistic with corresponding consequences for the relationships between partners. It all depends on their individual differences.
These information and ideas allow us to express several thoughts about the possible causes of homosexuality. The differences discovered by ethologists in the combinations of basic instincts in men and women apparently allow us to take a new approach to the problem of homosexuality. Moreover, the mechanisms of male and female homosexuality must be different. If we give a general definition of this phenomenon, we can say that due to internal physiological and psychological changes, a man to a certain extent turns into a woman, and a woman into a man. In homosexual men, aggression is combined with flight from women and fear, and in women, it is combined with attack and the desire to cause fear in another. In both, sexual desire remains, but is aroused by representatives of the same sex. Now a homosexual man becomes aroused not when there is a frightened woman in front of him, but wanting sexual intercourse, but when in front of him is a man who does not leave, does not play “modesty” and “shame.” We can say that this approach explains something. It is clear that this concept should be further developed taking into account modern gender studies, in particular based on the idea of androgynes?
Sexual inferiority and aggressiveness
In discussing this issue, emphasis will be placed on the works of Sigmund Freud, Alfred Adler, Erich Fromm, as well as on the results obtained by some later authors. Of particular interest is the work of D. Morris, who specifically wrote about the relationship between sexual anomalies and aggressive character.
Lust for power and sex life
Even Sigmund Freud, in one of his works, using the example of a high-ranking officer, analyzed an interesting phenomenon: it turned out that many individuals with a strong desire for power have functional deficiencies in their sexual life. Sometimes they become quite serious, even to the point of impotence. Other authors cite facts that an autopsy of Hitler's corpse found only one egg. It is known about Napoleon that the proportions of his genitals were atrophied.
Both figures had an unusual sex life, as evidenced in the memoirs of Talleyrand, in the works of E. Tarle, E. Fromm and other authors. D. Morris, having familiarized the reader with such facts, somewhat naively exclaims that European history could have been different if these people had been sexually normal. True, it must be borne in mind that serious sexual disorders almost never occur in isolation; very often they are combined with other mental disorders. Being sexually inferior and, therefore, constantly frustrated by their conscience, doubts and fear of the opinions of others, in order to assert themselves, they resorted to the most extreme aggressive forms of compensation.
The thirst for power among such people is insatiable, regardless of the achieved, even very high, social status, since their basal physiological and functional inferiority is irremovable.
This theory, however, also has its drawbacks. One of its weak points is that the lust for power is not always directly related to sexual inferiority. There are many examples of this. True, a focus on power, especially when it becomes the dominant motive for an individual’s activity, causes a number of neuropsychic characteristics of the individual. Therefore, as S. Freud said, such people’s sex life cannot be normal. But the concept of “norm” is very flexible. In addition, it is quite natural that if a person is busy with vigorous activity, he has little time and energy left for sexual activity. This is, so to speak, a “secondary violation of sexual life,” a kind of sexual neurosis. It is secondary because it is a consequence of active non-sexual activity, which a person is forced to engage in in accordance with his social role and according to the expectations of his reference groups.
The above-mentioned cases of Napoleon, Hitler and other figures of approximately the same rank can be considered primary sexual violations requiring compensation and overcompensation. Obviously, these two cases and their various variations must be distinguished, otherwise the proposed theory will not be realistic. In general, the study of the personalities and lives of great people in this aspect is a fascinating and useful activity for the development of human knowledge.
To develop the concept outlined above within the framework of the theory of frustration and mental defense, it is necessary to take into account that reducing the motive of power, leadership aspirations for high status and the mechanism of compensation for sexual inferiority of one kind or another is a one-sided, individualistic approach. The formation of a leader and the choice of a given individual as such are determined by many socio-psychological factors, the discovery of real connections and the weight of which alone can give us a true picture of leadership. It is interesting that a number of factors that were considered individual psychological in the works of early authors actually have a socio-psychological nature, both in genesis and in terms of specific dynamics in the process of a person’s life. Take, for example, the sexual coldness of a woman. As is known, it does not always have organic, much less hereditary causes. This disorder often occurs and persists throughout life as a result of receiving a strong unfavorable impression of interrupted sexual intercourse. There are cases when, after such experiences, women developed a tendency towards power, aggressiveness, and dominance. Men in similar situations experience the same symptoms, but usually in even more intense forms. It is clear that the described phenomena, having, like all other socio-psychological phenomena, their individual psychological aspects and biological basis, are essentially socio-psychological. They are the result of contact and communication between people. Therefore, a more detailed analysis of these phenomena requires a comprehensive – biopsychological and socio-psychological approach.
Sex, sadism and aggression
As already mentioned, inferiority in sexual life is often compensated by sadistic, aggressive actions, one of the usual and socially acceptable forms of which is the struggle for leadership within the law. In such people, sexual dominance, encountering an obstacle, that is, frustration, very easily turns into aggressiveness, which is expressed in sadistic acts or in an intensified struggle for power. Let us note for comparison that approximately the same mechanism of transformation, sublimation, occurs when a person is strongly focused on research, creative activity. The slightest obstacle to the satisfaction of sexual desires leads to an easy abandonment of them and a transition to more intense creative activity.
The problem of sadism and its varieties should be considered separately and in sufficient detail. But in connection with the problems of this article, the following should be said about this. One of the types of discharge of human aggressive impulses is the torture and killing of animals. It is possible that from an evolutionary point of view, an aggressive and sadistic attitude towards animals is justified, but from a moral and psychological point of view there is no justification for such actions. However, with a scientific approach, this is not the point. It is one thing when a person kills another person in order to maintain his dominant, leadership position and advance along this path, and another thing when he causes pain or kills only for pleasure. Of course, in the first case, very often a person can experience pleasure, but there is every reason to assume that there are significant differences in the underlying mechanisms of these two cases. The second case is the phenomenon of sadism. Therefore, understanding sadism is possible only by drawing on knowledge about the mechanisms of leadership, aggression and frustration, but not only frustration of sexual desire.
Puritanism, frustration and sex
Puritanism and the associated tendency to moralize are interesting objects of study within the framework of the theory of psychological self-defense, aggression and sublimation. To develop scientific concepts about these phenomena, one should turn to the history of religions and those ideological and socio-political movements in which Puritanism was one of the main components of the moral code.
In modern psychology and psychopathology, a large number of facts have accumulated that convincingly show that the appearance of puritanism is deceptive, especially in the aspect of human sexual activity and concern. One might even say that no one is more preoccupied with sex than the fanatical Puritans. Religious and moral consciousness and fear of punishment frustrate their normal sexual manifestations, which gives rise to various forms of foolishness, secret perversity, self-flagellation and other forms of masochism. A secular moralist is most often a person deprived of the ability to live a normal sexual life, or an impotent who compensates for his inferiority by voluntary moralizing and teaching youth “the ways of a decent life,” those youth whose strength, health and capacity he passionately envies.
Considering the problems of disputes and criticism, one cannot help but dwell at least a little on the problem of aggression and stress among the participants in this not always pleasant situation. It is often possible to observe that people who have embarked on the path of conflict experience changes in behavior and even in external signs. Even a fleeting glance is enough to notice the characteristic signs... Why, very often, neither of the conflicting parties “sees” these indicators, does not take measures to localize the partner’s aggressive behavior, but, on the contrary, switches to an aggressive form of behavior, thus trying resolve the current conflict situation?
Several reasons could be highlighted here.
Firstly, the correct form of response to a partner’s aggressive behavior is retaliatory aggression. For some reason, many people believe that such behavior is the only correct way out of the current situation, and that if the response behavior is different, then the partner may perceive it as a manifestation of your weakness and uncertainty.
Secondly, lack of confidence in yourself, in your rightness. In this case, we are seeing an attempt to use such a strategy of behavior as a camouflage of what actually exists. In addition, some people who feel insecure try to cheer themselves up through aggressive behavior and give an additional impetus to their own activity.
Thirdly, such behavior may be an indicator that you finally have the opportunity to tell your partner all the bad things you know about him. As a rule, statements about a partner in such a state are of such a nature that neither you nor he will be able to forget them for a long time.
Fourthly, such behavior may also be an indicator of the basic bad manners of a partner in a conflict situation. The more a partner allows himself, the less educated he is.
And finally, fifthly, such behavior may be a consequence of the emergence of so-called reactive thinking under the influence of a strong stimulus. This kind of thinking blocks the possibility of an adequate assessment of the situation, self-control and calm awareness of what is happening.
How can one continue a dispute or discussion in such a state? Will such a continuation lead to a positive result? What will happen to your health if you constantly use this behavior strategy?
The most important thing in such a situation is to remain calm.
It is difficult to manage the situation while in an associated state, when you evaluate everything that happens, “passing” it through yourself. Dissociation allows you to analyze the situation as if from the outside. If you also manage to display the situation as if on a TV screen and watch it as a TV viewer, adjusting the sound and image, achieving the desired image brightness and sound volume, when it no longer annoys you, then this will be just great, because You will receive an excellent tool for self-regulation. You can “play” with colors, “adding” the color that is more pleasant to you and “reducing” unpleasant colors, you can distort the sizes, well, for example, you make your partner too small, and yourself - very large. You can introduce elements of comedy into the situation. In short, if you have a well-developed imagination, you can learn to “transform” the situation in such a way that you will very quickly put yourself in the state necessary for constructive work and making informed decisions.
This in itself is unpleasant, not only for those around them who are suddenly plunged into negativity, but also for the aggressors themselves. In fact, among the latter there are not so many clinical scoundrels who derive pleasure from splashing out violent emotions on other people or objects. Normal people are also capable of such outbursts, but they then experience remorse, try to make amends for their guilt and at least try to control themselves. Aggression is especially destructive in men; the reasons may turn out to be so far-fetched and strange that the presence of a problem becomes obvious to all participants in the situation.
Types and types of male aggression
It is worth immediately noting that negative emotions splashing out are not exclusively a male prerogative. Women are just as capable of being aggressors; they do not monitor their actions and words. The paradox is that male aggression is partly considered socially acceptable. Of course, extreme manifestations are condemned, but at the same time there are many justifications for such a phenomenon as aggression in men. The reasons can be very diverse - from competition to health conditions.
There are two main types of aggression that are easily defined even by non-specialists:
- verbal, when negativity is expressed in shouting or openly negative language;
- physical, when there are beatings, destruction, attempted murder.
With auto-aggression, negativity is directed at oneself and manifests itself in all sorts of destructive actions. The motto of this type of aggression is: “Let it be worse for me.”
Psychologists classify what we are considering into several types according to the following criteria: method of manifestation, direction, causes, degrees of expression. Self-diagnosis in this case is practically impossible, since in most cases the aggressor seeks self-justification, does not see and does not want to see the problem, and successfully shifts the blame to others.
Verbal aggression
The external manifestations of this type of aggression are quite expressive. This can be a furious scream, curses and curses. They are often supplemented by gestural expression - a man can make offensive or threatening gestures, shake his fist, or swing his arms. In the animal world, males actively use this type of aggression: whoever growls loudest declares himself as the owner of the territory; outright fights come to pass much less often.
However, verbal aggression in men, the reasons for which can lie both in mental health and in social pressure, is not so harmless. It destroys the psyche of those who are forced to live nearby. Children get used to an abnormal pattern of communication and absorb the pattern of their father’s behavior as the norm.
Physical aggression
An extreme form of aggressive behavior, when a person moves from shouting and threats to active physical actions. Now this is not just a threatening fist swing, but a blow. A man is capable of causing serious injuries even to those closest to him, breaking or breaking personal belongings. Man behaves like Godzilla, and destruction becomes his main goal. It can be either a short explosion, literally just one blow, or a long-term nightmare, which is why aggression in men is considered the most dangerous. The reasons given are varied - from “she provoked me” to “I’m a man, you can’t make me angry.”
When wondering how permissible this is, it is best to take the Criminal Code as a guide. It is written there in black and white that infliction of bodily harm of varying degrees of severity, attempted murder and intentional damage to personal property are all crimes.
Features of unmotivated male aggression
Manifestations of rage can be roughly divided into motivated and unmotivated. It is possible to understand and partially justify aggression shown in a state of passion. This is often called "righteous anger." If someone offends this man’s loved ones, encroaches on their life and health, then an aggressive response is at least understandable.
The problem is such attacks of aggression in men, the causes of which cannot be calculated at first glance. What came over him? I was just a normal person, and suddenly they changed me! Witnesses of sudden, unmotivated rage that erupts in any form, verbal or physical, respond something like this. In fact, any action has a reason, explanation or motive, they just don’t always lie on the surface.
Reasons or excuses?
Where is the line between reasons and justifications? An example is the phenomenon of aggression between men and women. The reasons are often the most common attempts to justify oneself, to shift the blame onto the victim: “Why did she stay late after work? She’s probably cheating, she needs to be shown a place!”, “I didn’t have time to serve dinner, I need to teach a lesson” or “Allows herself to show dissatisfaction, provokes aggression."
Behind such behavior there can be either personal hatred towards a particular person or banal misogyny. If a man seriously considers women to be second-class citizens, then is it surprising that he receives malicious attacks against them?
However, outbursts of aggression may not occur because the man is simply an evil type. In addition to far-fetched excuses, there are also serious factors that can be identified and eliminated.
Hormonal background
A significant proportion of aggressive manifestations are due to hormonal imbalance. Our emotions are largely determined by the ratio of the main hormones; a deficiency or excess can lead not only to violent outbursts, but also to severe depression, a pathological absence of emotions and severe psychiatric problems.
Testosterone is traditionally considered a hormone not only of sexual desire, but also of aggression. Those who are especially harsh are often referred to as “testosterone males.” Chronic deficiency leads to increased dissatisfaction and makes a person predisposed to negative manifestations. Outbursts of aggression in men, the causes of which lie precisely in hormonal imbalance, must be treated. To do this, tests are taken to measure hormone levels, and the disease that led to the disorders is identified. Symptomatic treatment in this case brings only partial relief and cannot be considered complete.
Midlife crisis
If such cases have not been observed before, then sudden aggression in a 35-year-old man can most often be associated with the age of maximalism being left behind, and the man begins to weigh whether all the decisions made were really correct, whether it was a mistake. Literally everything comes into question: is this the right family, is this the right woman, is this the right direction in one’s career? Or maybe it was worth going to another institute and then marrying someone else, or not marrying at all?
Doubts and hesitations, an acute sense of missed opportunities - all this weakens the nervous system, reduces the level of tolerance and sociability. It begins to seem that there is still time to change everything in one jerk. Everyone around seems to have conspired and does not understand this emotional impulse. Well, they can be put in their place by force, since they do not understand good. Fortunately, the midlife crisis passes sooner or later. The main thing is to remember that periods of despondency are normal, but this is not a reason to ruin your life.
Retirement depression
The second round of the age crisis overtakes men after retirement. Women most often endure this period easier - a significant part of everyday worries remains with them. But men who are accustomed to their profession as a central part of their life’s plot begin to feel unnecessary and abandoned. Life stopped, the respect of others turned off along with receiving a pension certificate.
Aggression in men over 50 years of age is closely related to attempts to shift responsibility for a failed life onto others. At the same time, objectively, the man who suddenly caught the demon in the rib is all right, but there is a certain dissatisfaction. At the same time, all sorts of health problems, overwork, lack of sleep can be added - all these factors aggravate the situation. Aggressive attacks begin to seem like a natural reaction to everything that happens.
Psychiatry or psychology?
Who should I go to for help - a psychologist or straight to a psychiatrist? Many men are afraid of their aggressive impulses, fearing, not without reason, that they will do something irreparable. And it is very good that they are able to relatively soberly assess their actions and seek help from professionals. Who deals with such a phenomenon as aggression in men? The causes and treatment are in the department of the psychiatrist exactly until he confirms that according to his profile the patient does not have any problems. This is exactly what the correct approach to treatment with such a specialist consists of: you can safely make an appointment without fear that you will be labeled “crazy.” A psychiatrist is first and foremost a doctor, and he first checks whether the patient’s psyche is affected by some completely physical factors: hormones, old injuries, sleep disturbances. A psychiatrist can recommend a good psychologist if the patient does not have problems that require medication.
The first step to solving the problem
In many ways, the strategy for solving a problem depends on who exactly makes the decision. Aggression in a man... What should a woman do who is next to him, lives in the same house with him, and is raising children together? Yes, of course, you can fight, convince, help, but if the situation develops in such a way that you have to constantly endure assault and risk losing your life, it is better to save yourself and save the children.
The best first step for a man is to admit there is a problem. It’s worth being honest with yourself: aggression is a problem that needs to be dealt with first of all by the aggressor himself, and not by his victims.
Possible consequences of aggression and comprehensive work on oneself
We have to admit that in places of deprivation of liberty there are often prisoners who have precisely this vice - unreasonable aggression in men. Reasons require elimination, but excuses have no force or weight. It is worth pulling yourself together, but not relying only on self-control. If outbursts of rage are repeated, then the reason may lie in a hormonal imbalance. This could be overwork, depressive symptoms, as well as social pressure, an unbearable rhythm of life, age-related changes, or some chronic illnesses. Seeing a doctor is the right step to help you cope with destructive behavior. Separate reasons from excuses, this will help outline the initial plan of action, and soon life will sparkle with new colors.
What is the correct meaning of the word aggression? This term is usually understood as cruelty, a tendency to attack, an active destructive position, and destructiveness. In fact, initially aggressiveness is an innate human quality associated with the instinct of self-preservation and protection, an integral part of the psychological personality, a factor without which the personality will not be whole.
Aggression in psychology is defined as an attack, verbal or physical, always strongly emotionally negatively colored, targeted and harsh. From Latin the word itself is translated as “attack,” but it may not manifest itself explicitly: a person may not shout or get into a fight, but still be aggressive.
There are two theories of aggression: the definition of the first is a reaction to external factors. The second theory is the conscious acceptance of aggressiveness as the main form of behavior. Both theories have their place, and they are confirmed in practice.
Psychology describes various types of aggression, which have a number of features and varying degrees of destructiveness. Among them:
- Verbal and physical aggression.
- Suppressed aggression.
- Male and female aggression.
- Aggression during pregnancy or after illness.
- Passive and active.
- Auto-aggression.
- Teenage aggression.
- Reactive (manifests itself as a reaction to something).
- Spontaneous, unmotivated aggression.
- Conscious (instrumental), aimed at achieving a specific result.
- Indirect (aggression in children and adults, directed at a foreign object, as a result of accumulation).
This is a basic but incomplete list, since the types and types of aggression have been studied by many psychologists and therapists, and many specialists have created their own classifications. The manifestations and causes are very different, and if you study them in detail, you can understand how to react to aggression from another person and how to get rid of aggression in yourself. Let's consider how certain types and factors of aggression manifest themselves.
Ambition, courage, the ability to defend one’s own interests - all this, oddly enough, refers to healthy human aggressiveness, and this is normal if a person knows how to demonstrate these qualities in a controlled manner, in the right doses and forms, consciously directing his actions to increase or decrease them.
2. Hidden aggression is a common phenomenon that has its own specific causes and consequences. It does not appear clearly. As a rule, the nature of aggression, suppressed and hidden, is noticeable in constant discontent, in sudden outbursts of fear or anger, in constant tension, irritation, and inability to relax.
Such a person is not able to enjoy relaxation, entertainment, and does not know how to contemplate beauty. He is characterized by distrust, suspicion, and irritability over trifles manifests itself to a large extent. Often, strong outbursts of aggression occur as a consequence.
It is impossible to please such a man, he is always tense, hot-tempered, vulnerable, extremely difficult to make contact, and not inclined to compromise. It often manifests itself in the family, with children, at work with subordinates - in a word, with those who are weaker or lower in status. Such a masculine character brings a lot of worries and suffering to loved ones.
4. The signs and definition of female aggression are somewhat different. It manifests itself in sudden and very frequent changes in mood, in causeless hysterical fits, resentment, sudden outbursts, dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction, attacks of fear, despair. Attacks of aggression in women often occur during pregnancy and occur due to hormonal changes.
5. Children's aggression is a frequent and painful phenomenon that is familiar to many parents and teachers. The level of aggression in children and adolescents varies greatly and manifests itself in different ways - from innocent pranks to rudeness, hooliganism, fights, and criminal activity. It is associated with upbringing, illness, the emotional environment in the home, kindergarten or school, adolescence and hormonal changes, and a number of psycho-emotional factors.
7. Spontaneous and uncontrollable attacks of aggression - as a rule, arise as a result of passive aggression, suppression, and characteristics of upbringing. They manifest themselves as a sharp, causeless explosion of rage, hysteria, and seizures. In this state, a person can cause a scandal in a crowded place, hit someone, break objects and furniture, and harm himself and the people around him. Such attacks last from three minutes to an hour, sometimes requiring urgent medical intervention.
Each type and each manifestation of aggression has its own characteristics, its own forms of manifestation and degree of risk. With correct classification, you can understand the causes, predict consequences and understand how to cope with aggression.
Reasons
Everything that is characteristic of a person has one or another specific origin, just as any, even the most unreasonable, at first glance, aggression always has specific reasons. And the first thing to start with introspection and the fight against destructive behavior is the search and determination of the reasons.
2. A very common reason is the presence of psychoactive substances in the body. Long-term smoking, alcohol abuse, taking drugs, energy drinks, and medications inevitably lead to increased irritability and aggressiveness.
3. Often the cause is stress, overwork, chronic fatigue or insufficient healing after an illness. Unfortunately, rest in our time is considered something optional, and many people simply ignore it, believing that on a day off the best rest is either a feast with alcoholic drinks or household chores. Both have nothing to do with rest - the body accumulates tension, stress, does not rest and does not “recharge”. As a result, increased aggressiveness appears.
5. Dissatisfaction with life, dissatisfaction with social, financial situation, personal sphere, lack of self-confidence, social maladjustment. A weak and weak-willed person who does not have good support from friends and loved ones, who does not receive love in the family, necessarily accumulates aggression.
Ways to solve the problem
So, the main question is: what to do? How to deal with aggression in yourself, how to suppress and calm it, and how to deal with the aggressor if he causes suffering and pain?
Important: suppression is not a way to reduce aggression! It cannot be suppressed by force, the nature of aggression is such that it must be expressed, come out, and from forceful suppression, sooner or later crisis situations and attacks will occur.
1. The most painful phenomenon for parents is increased child aggression, especially the aggression of adolescents who become uncontrollable. How to properly deal with increased aggression in a child?
First of all, it is worth determining whether there is cause for concern, whether there really is a problem, or whether he is a normal, just emotional, vulnerable and very sensitive child. After all, it is natural for a child to sometimes cry, scream, be capricious, and generally express his inner nature emotionally.
If there really is a problem, it may be worth contacting a child psychologist, but under no circumstances should you suppress attacks with force, threats or punishment, as this will lead to deterioration and disastrous consequences in the future.
Try to create an atmosphere for the teenager in which there will be a minimum of stressful situations, and do not provoke. Most likely, aggression in adolescence will go away on its own, along with the “difficult age,” unless the parents themselves aggravate it.
3. How to respond to an aggressor if he does not allow you to live in peace - in your environment, at work, in a team? The main rule is not to respond in kind and not to point out incorrect behavior, not to try to “re-educate” a person, not to make him feel guilty (which, by the way, also always leads to aggressiveness).
If you are forced to work or interact with an aggressive person, try to maintain composure and not “buy” into his behavior, do not be a victim, and remain positive, calm and balanced. This way you will not change the person’s character, but he will behave differently with you over time.
Look around: there will probably be people in your environment to whom this aggressor does not react, with whom he communicates calmly. Try to see how these people behave and adopt their behavior - this way you will certainly save yourself from the attacks of the aggressor.
4. It’s a completely different matter - attacks of aggression in men, in the husband, in the family. The ideal option, but quite difficult, is to persuade your spouse to visit a specialist, make an appointment with a psychoanalyst who can help you solve a family problem.
General recommendations are not to provoke, irritate or point, do not show constant dissatisfaction, but try to find the reasons, analyze when and why a loved one “lights up”, and find the strength to ensure that the struggle is peaceful and crowned with success .
5. The most difficult question is how to overcome aggression in yourself. After all, introspection and work on oneself is perhaps the most difficult work, but a person who is motivated and confident in his goal will always achieve it.
Start leading a healthy lifestyle, say goodbye to tobacco, alcohol and any bad habits, move a lot and, most importantly, have a good rest. These methods will have excellent results. Yoga, meditation, and relaxation techniques also provide excellent results.
If the aggressiveness does not go away or manifests itself in the form of serious attacks, it is necessary to consult a specialist and be sure to undergo proper testing and a full course of treatment.
The psychologist will conduct a diagnostic test for the level of aggression, analyze the diagnosis, understand the causes and select the appropriate treatment that will help cope with the problem.
To fight something that prevents you from living fully and happily, you need to understand it well, study it, and understand it. Having understood what passive aggression is, where increased aggressiveness in children and adolescents comes from, what are the causes of depression and anger, you can independently put your mental state in order, achieve balance and harmony in your inner world. Author: Vasilina Serova
It is often possible to observe that people who have embarked on the path of conflict experience changes in behavior and even in external signs. Even a fleeting glance is enough to notice the characteristic signs...
Why is it that very often neither of the conflicting parties “sees” these indicators, does not take measures to localize the partner’s aggressive behavior, but, on the contrary, switches to an aggressive form of behavior, thus trying to resolve the existing conflict situation?
Several reasons could be highlighted here.
Firstly, the correct form of response to a partner’s aggressive behavior is retaliatory aggression. For some reason, many people believe that such behavior is the only correct way out of the current situation, and that if the response behavior is different, then the partner may perceive it as a manifestation of your weakness and uncertainty.
Secondly, lack of confidence in yourself, in your rightness. In this case, we are seeing an attempt to use such a strategy of behavior as a camouflage of what actually exists. In addition, some people who feel insecure try to cheer themselves up through aggressive behavior and give an additional impetus to their own activity.
Thirdly, such behavior may be an indicator that you finally have the opportunity to tell your partner all the bad things you know about him. As a rule, statements about a partner in such a state are of such a nature that neither you nor he will be able to forget them for a long time.
Fourthly, such behavior may also be an indicator of the basic bad manners of a partner in a conflict situation. The more a partner allows himself, the less educated he is. And finally, fifthly, such behavior may be a consequence of the emergence of so-called reactive thinking under the influence of a strong stimulus. This kind of thinking blocks the possibility of an adequate assessment of the situation, self-control and calm awareness of what is happening.
How can one continue a dispute or discussion in such a state? Will such a continuation lead to a positive result? What will happen to your health if you constantly use this behavior strategy?
The most important thing in such a situation is to remain calm.
As soon as you realize that the situation is escalating, that a little more and you will lose your peace of mind, try to mentally go beyond the limits of this situation and look at everything that is happening, hear everything that you and your partner are talking about from the outside. Try to assess the situation like a spectator sitting in a theater. This will not require much effort and time, but as soon as you can assess the situation in a dissociated, alienated state, you will be convinced that you can control its development and your condition.
It is difficult to manage the situation while in an associated state, when you evaluate everything that happens, “passing” it through yourself. Dissociation allows you to analyze the situation as if from the outside. If you also manage to display the situation as if on a TV screen and watch it as a TV viewer, adjusting the sound and image, achieving the desired image brightness and sound volume, when it no longer annoys you, then this will be just great, because You will receive an excellent tool for self-regulation. You can “play” with colors, “adding” the color that is more pleasant to you and “reducing” unpleasant colors, you can distort the sizes, well, for example, you make your partner too small, and yourself - very large. You can introduce elements of comedy into the situation.
In short, if you have a well-developed imagination, you can learn to “transform” the situation in such a way that you will very quickly put yourself in the state necessary for constructive work and making informed decisions.
When you master the technique of dissociative perception of a negative situation, learn to control yourself, you can, in principle, change your strategy of behavior in such situations.
