Yulia Agalakova

Why are dreams of a handsome prince dangerous?

How difficult is it sometimes for a man, after another unsuccessful romance, to answer the question of what we, women, want to receive from them, men?

Poor men, they don’t even suspect that we want everything from them at once! We are attracted to men by intelligence, well-groomed appearance, generosity, wealth, courage that will help him cope with difficulties and failures, sensitivity and sincerity.

However, not all of these desirable qualities are present in modern men - especially not one. And therefore, the fairy tale about the handsome prince, which we all believed in since childhood, collapses.

In real life, things are different, and the dream of finding a prince, as a rule, is not destined to come true.

Oh, if only I knew that not everything is as easy and simple as in fairy tales familiar from childhood: about Cinderella or the Princess and the Pea. Of course, we are not against going through a bunch of tests in order to have the promised happiness await us in the end. Alas, having overcome all the obstacles, we begin to understand that we have nothing in sight in the finale. But, nevertheless, we do not lose hope of meeting the prince.

I came, I saw, I conquered

All these unfulfilled desires that arose from fairy tales and beautiful stories turn into plans for the future called “My fairy-tale life.”

This can be compared to how a little girl, trying on her mother’s jewelry, can’t wait to put it on. It’s easier for a girl, she just needs time, because when she grows up, she can make her dream come true.

But an adult woman who continues to wait for an invented ideal should reconsider her position and return “from heaven to earth.” After all, in any fairy tale, everything happens thanks to a happy coincidence or some kind of surprise, which occurs once in a million in earthly life. It turns out that there is no point in waiting for your dream.

Of course, you can meet a man, but what you imagined will not happen. Suddenly it turns out that outwardly he is not Apollo, and besides, he has shortcomings. Immediately annoyed: the new acquaintance does not look like the invented image, too earthly, ordinary. And the girl suddenly loses interest in the man, not allowing him to prove himself.

If she continues to develop a relationship with a gallant gentleman, in her opinion, buying into his advances, then sooner or later her invented image will break like a crystal bowl. After all, ideal people do not exist, and such a person will not be able to offer anything more in the future. All that will remain is the bitter taste of disappointment.

Waiting for a miracle

Fairy tales that we are ready to read for hours are incredibly interesting. A poor and inconspicuous girl suddenly becomes the ideal for a rich and noble young man. Moreover, without making the slightest effort for this.

How do the authors of women's novels and TV series manage to captivate us and make us believe that we will be just as lucky? Believing and waiting in all this is stupid and naive. You are just wasting your time, and all those princes will pass by you, riding a white horse.

Almost everyone dreams of something, but you shouldn’t pin your hopes on others and live in anticipation of something unrealistic. Why not accept a person as he is. Well, let a man have shortcomings, because you are not ideal either. But he has an infectious laugh, or he is touchingly caring, or he loves children and will become a great dad, or... Surely you yourself can continue the list of advantages.

But what if you don’t want to believe that the one you chose is not a prince at all? And is it difficult to admit to yourself that dreams remain just dreams? There is a simple recipe: it is much easier to deal with disappointment if you simply reconsider your dreams.

Of course, there is no harm in dreaming. But we need to start not from invented beautiful stories, but from real life. Then the dream will come true much faster!

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The key concept that underlies the narrative of the journey of the shepherd Santiago is the concept of “Own Destiny”. What is “one's own Destiny”? This is our highest destiny, the path prepared for us by the Lord here on Earth. Whenever we do something with joy and pleasure, it means that we are following Our Destiny. However, not everyone has the courage to follow this path, achieving a meeting with their cherished dream.

Why don't everyone's wishes and dreams come true? There are four obstacles to this.

1. Negative suggestion from early childhood

The first is that a person is taught from early childhood that what he most desires in life is simply impossible. He grows up with this thought, and every year his soul becomes more and more overgrown with the scab of numerous prejudices and fears, and is filled with guilt.

2. Fear of causing pain and suffering to loved ones

If a person still has the courage to extract his dream from the depths of his soul and not give up the struggle for its implementation, the next test awaits him: love. He knows what he would like to achieve or experience in life, but he is afraid that if he gives up everything and follows his dreams, he will thereby cause pain and suffering to his loved ones. This means that a person does not understand that love is not a barrier, it does not interfere, but, on the contrary, helps to move forward. And the one who really wishes him well is always ready to meet him halfway, try to understand and support him on his journey.

3. Fear of failure and defeat

When a person realizes that love is not an obstacle, but a help along the way, a third obstacle awaits him: the fear of failures and defeats... You may ask: are defeats really necessary? Whether they are necessary or not, they happen. When a person just begins to fight for his dreams and desires, due to inexperience, he makes many mistakes. But this is the meaning of existence: to fall seven times and rise to your feet eight times. In that case, you may ask, why should we follow Our Destiny if it means we have to suffer more than everyone else? So that when failures and defeats are behind us - and in the end they will certainly be behind us - we will experience a feeling of complete happiness and begin to trust ourselves more.

4. Fear of fulfilling his lifelong dream...

The very consciousness that something a person has dreamed about all his life is about to come true sometimes fills his soul with a feeling of guilt. Looking around, he sees that many have failed to achieve what they want, and then he begins to think that he, too, is not worthy of it. A person forgets how much he had to endure, suffer, what he had to sacrifice in the name of his dream.

Of all four, this obstacle is the most insidious, since it seems to be covered with a certain aura of holiness - a kind of renunciation of the joy of accomplishment and the fruits of victory. And only when a person realizes that he is worthy of what he fought so passionately for, he becomes an instrument in the hands of the Lord, and the meaning of his stay here on Earth is revealed to him.

Children renounce their dreams in order to please their parents, parents renounce life itself in order to please their children, pain and torment justify what should only bring joy - love.

We insist that our dreams are just childish nonsense that cannot be realized, or that they were born only because we still knew little about what life was really like. We kill our dreams because we are afraid to join the Right Fight.

1. The first sign that we have begun to kill our dream,– this is when it suddenly turns out that we don’t have enough time.
2. The second sign that our dream is dying is gaining experience. We stop seeing life as one big adventure and begin to think that it would be wise, fair and right for us not to demand too much from life. When we try to lean outside the walls of our everyday existence, the smell of dust and sweat reaches us, we see the thirsty gaze of warriors, we hear the crack of breaking spears, we feel the bitterness of defeat. But we are not given the opportunity to understand the joy, the great joy that fills the hearts of all those who fight. For victory or defeat is not important to them - all that matters is that they are fighting the Right Fight.
3. And finally, the third sign of a lost dream is peace. Life becomes like a Sunday evening: we demand little from life, but we sacrifice almost nothing. We begin to consider ourselves adults, mature people, believing that we have finally gotten rid of childhood dreams, youthful fantasies, and strive only, as they say, for success in work and personal life. And we are surprised when our peers suddenly declare that they need something more from life. In fact, deep down we guess: all this is happening to us because we refused to fight for our dream - we refused to join the Right Fight.

When we renounce our dreams and find peace... we enter into a brief period of peace. But then the killed dreams begin to decay and smolder inside us, poisoning our entire existence. We become cruel, first with loved ones, and then with ourselves. It is then that mental and physical illnesses arise in people. Our cowardice leads us to exactly what we were trying to avoid by giving up the fight - disappointment and defeat. And then, one day, the stench of rotting dreams becomes simply unbearable, we begin to choke and wish for death. Death, which will free us from our self-confidence, from our affairs and from the murderous peace of Sunday evenings.

Paulo Coelho "The Alchemist"

“The Little Prince” is a legendary work by the French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. This children's fairy tale for adults was first published in 1943, since then there is not a person in the world who does not know its main character - the boy with golden hair.

“The Little Prince” has been translated into more than 180 languages, films have been made based on it, and music has been written. The book became part of modern culture and was scattered into quotes.

“But if it is some kind of bad herb, you need to pull it out by the roots as soon as you recognize it.”

In the allegorical story of Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, the planet is the soul, the inner world of a person, and the bad grass is his bad thoughts, actions and habits. The seeds of the “bad grass” should be gotten rid of immediately, before they take root, become a character trait and destroy the personality. After all, if the planet is very small, and there are a lot of baobabs, they will tear it to shreds.

“I must tolerate two or three caterpillars if I want to meet butterflies.”

Some people are unpleasant to us, “slippery” and cunning, like caterpillars. But this does not mean that they have nothing beautiful inside. Perhaps they are just looking for their path, and someday they will turn into beautiful butterflies. We must be more tolerant of the shortcomings of others and be able to see the beauty even in the unpleasant.

“How to call so that he can hear, how to catch up with his soul, which is eluding me... After all, it is so mysterious and unknown, this country of tears...”

It is difficult to sympathize with someone else's pain, sincerely and delicately. Almost the same as asking for forgiveness when you have offended. All words seem unnecessary and incorrect. “The Land of Tears” is truly incomprehensible. But the main thing is not to forget how to empathize, not to become hardened by unscrewing another stubborn bolt.

“After all, all adults were children at first, only few of them remember this”

Children are amazing. Until they are taught to think “correctly,” wonderful ideas are born in their heads. Their imagination is limitless and pure. It’s a pity that adults don’t remember how innocent and beautiful a child’s “planet” is. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry throughout the book reminds how important it is to preserve the child inside you and not bury your childhood dreams and talents.

“Words only make it difficult to understand each other”

People speak billions of words. Most of them are unnecessary and empty. How many words do you regret? But this is how the world works - without words, there would probably be no society. You just need to remember what power they have - with one phrase you can make a person happy or unhappy, make you cry or laugh. Be careful. And take care of the people with whom you feel comfortable staying silent - this is priceless.

“Your rose is so dear to you because you gave it all your days.”

“The Earth is not an easy planet! People don't take up that much space on Earth." There are 7 billion of us. Even more. But each of us has only a couple of truly close people. No matter how cynical it may be, we do not love people, but the time spent with them. Shared experiences and adventures are what make your rose unique, unlike thousands of other roses.

“When you let yourself be tamed, then you cry”

It's easier for singles. For himself, but he won’t be deceived, it won’t hurt. It's hard to trust. Or rather, very scary. If there were still stores where friends trade, many would become regular customers. But, fortunately, there are none. And you have to “tame it.” Scary as hell. After all, we all know that rare friendships are complete without tears.

“Then judge yourself,” said the king. - This is the most difficult thing. It is much more difficult to judge yourself than others. If you can judge yourself correctly, then you are truly wise.”

If anyone is truly wise, it is de Saint-Exupéry. People love to “pass judgment” on each other (especially on the Internet – don’t give me bread, let me write a condemning comment). It's so simple. I told the person where he was wrong, and there was no need to do anything else. It's another thing to judge yourself. At a minimum, you will have to weed the baobab trees.

“Only the heart is vigilant. You can’t see the most important thing with your eyes.”

“Listen to your heart” - this phrase can often be heard in songs and films. Perhaps it is the second most popular after “I love you”. This makes us not take her seriously. But this does not negate its depth and wisdom. You cannot believe only what is external, you cannot be rational always and everywhere. Trust your heart - it will not let you down.

“You are forever responsible for everyone you have tamed”

These are words that do not require reasoning. We must not forget about our loved ones, not for a minute, not for a second. We must ensure that they never end up in the land of tears. We are obliged to cover them with a glass cover of our care.

From time to time, going out in search of a lover or getting fired, any man asks the question: what do we, women, need from them? It's simple: we need everything! So that he would be smart, and handsome, and wealthy, and generous, and sensitive to our soul, and courageously enduring difficulties and failures, and this and that, and without a hint of falsehood and attempts to hide shortcomings by throwing candy-bouquet dust in the eyes . Not all men have the desire to live up to the fairy-tale idea of ​​a life partner, not to mention the opportunities. In the end, the story doesn't work out. And the notorious girlish dream of a handsome prince is to blame.

If we knew what a difficult and thankless search and what a painful wait this topic would turn out to be for us, even in childhood we would have thrown good books about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and other heroines happily settled in their personal lives into the trash.

And in their youth, they would not have watched films about the beautiful Julia Roberts, who falls into the arms of a millionaire straight from the street, having only gone through the trouble of washing away the smell of the slums in a jacuzzi kindly provided to them, about the naive Bridget Jones and the poor but proud heroine of “Pride and Prejudice” , who also waited for seemingly not very well-deserved happiness. Theoretically, we are ready to try and endure if at the end of the path the promised ideal is still met, but over the years and experience, having kissed a huge number of “frogs,” we begin to guess that this path is false. However, we do not stop hoping and believing.

I came, I saw, I conquered

In general, no one interferes. Actually, all children’s and youth’s dreams, including the one mentioned above - about the standard of a man who embodies the fairy tale of romantic love in our lives - are just plans for the future. Pictures from the exhibition entitled “Me and My Ideal Life.” A baby trying on her mother’s shoes dreams of her feet quickly finding the right size, and she has every chance to realize this intention.

But an adult woman who is expecting the magical appearance of a cartoon character on her life’s path should think seriously and try to look at the problem a little more detached. If only because this appearance may happen according to the laws of a completely different genre than she imagines. After all, perhaps the main fairy-tale conditions are surprise and a happy accident, and relying on them in real life is at least naive.

You can meet a gentleman who is pleasant in all respects under any circumstances, but, most likely, they will fit into the framework of ordinary everyday situations, and the men themselves, in terms of external signs and manners of behavior, are unlikely to stand out from the set that is familiar to your perception. While waiting for “something special,” you can spend your whole life doing nothing but turning away decent candidates “at the entrance,” without even giving them a chance to prove themselves in softer conditions. Or, on the contrary, be seduced by pretentious behavior or a creative approach to courtship, which in reality may turn out to be ordinary tricks of ladies' men. Too active attempts to impress in general are often associated with the inability to present something more serious, and here it would be appropriate to remember that persons of real “royal” blood usually try to get lost in the crowd.

Waiting room

Further - more. In the plots invented by clever storytellers, everything happens. Great love, capable of working miracles, unites characters into beautiful unions, who in real life are usually separated by more than one abyss. Meeting girls in need, the rich cry and cannot imagine their luxurious life without them. Athletically built young men with model appearance, for no apparent reason, fall in love with cute, but mediocre-looking young ladies. A graduate of an elite university is speechless in all the languages ​​he has studied, having thoughtlessly decided to drop off a poultry worker at a rural bus stop, and she is glad.

Authors of women's novels and serial screenwriters must be given their due - we are ready to spend half our lives reading and watching comforting masterpieces, the rest - in the hope that we will be lucky. At the same time, it is not necessary to make any effort. Developing yourself, engaging in self-education, taking care of your appearance, studying and improving your professional level - all this is boring, difficult and insipid prose. It’s easier to brush aside the edifications and plunge into mind-blowing romance with renewed vigor. After all, ready-made happiness is wandering somewhere, he only has a little time left - now he will fix his navigator and then he will certainly find his way to my hostel. Stupid? Perhaps. But it's more offensive. A dream without attempts to make it come true is too expensive. Time and hopes are its price. Because while you are standing at the bus stop, the princes are calmly driving by. Spurring the white horses.

Final Analysis

By the way, about the white horse. Not as a means of transportation, but as a distinctive feature. And what a reason to think: how little we actually know about him - about our prince.

Is it right to consider a prince a prince if his horse, for example, is not white? Or lame. Or it doesn’t exist at all, but they promised it would be there soon. And the owner himself? Can he allow himself any weaknesses? Pizza and beer and football in front of the TV, a nascent bald spot or a good snoring? Should we again blame everything on the insidious science fiction writers who left us such a field for fantasy and speculation, or ruin our personal life by letting into it someone who not only has never been a prince, but never will be?

The need for a dream is a pretty strong thing, especially if the gap between it and reality leaves no chance for possible intersections. And here saving self-deception comes to our aid. Instead of soberly correcting the desired type, checking with realities, our own capabilities and the proposed circumstances, we replace some illusions with others. We believe that someday it will change on its own, we turn a blind eye to cruel inconsistencies and blame ourselves for the inability to get used to something that is generally harmful to get used to.

It’s difficult to admit to yourself that the idea with the prince did not work out, and the one with whom it worked out is not a prince, but there is a real one nearby. And God be with him, maybe he would be quite suitable for life, if we had the audacity to at least discuss the contradictions and possible ways of correction. But - it’s impossible! Because you don't bargain with princes. Especially with those who themselves were placed on this throne.

They say that dreaming is harmful. If you believe all of the above, it turns out that this is so. But it would be wiser not to believe, but to approach the issue constructively. Dreams are different. If your dream of a prince has not undergone any changes since the day of the prom, during which you kissed the first handsome boy of the school, then, most likely, you are simply bored with dreaming and you do it out of habit in order to somehow diversify the busy everyday life of an adult women. But the ability and desire to continue to believe in the best can help you rise above the vanity and see that life is truly more interesting than a fairy tale. And princes in it are not such a rarity. They are not like those in sugary stories that can entertain, make you smile or cry. They are more complex and therefore more mysterious. It happens that you have to wait for them, but, unlike those invented, sooner or later they appear. They have enough problems and responsibilities, but you can share their very real successes with them. Well, there is almost more romance in real princes than in cardboard book characters. There would be a princess ready to give up fruitless fantasies and look at her.

Myths about women's happiness, or How to make a fairy tale come true Ardzinba Victoria Anatolyevna

Children's dreams

Children's dreams

– Who did you dream about as a child?

- About a prince on a white horse.

- And about whom more?

What do we dream about as children? About magical assistants, beautiful castles, fabulous armor and breathtaking adventures... and, of course, about the prince! About a prince on a white horse! Oh, this sore prince on a white horse... And how many demands are placed on him?! He must be handsome, courageous, smart, gallant, wealthy and... with a horse, and a white one.

How long must it take to find this notorious Prince, and with such a horse? And if you consider that a real white horse is rare in nature, and if you find one, then, most likely, it will not be white, but a gray, graying horse. So, we'll have to wait until the horse gets old? How long should this take? And then there are the followers of the mystical sect of Christians with their own rituals. Practicing castration in the name of serving God, they called this ritual “mounting a white horse.” The castrated prince? This doesn’t fit into any gates at all!

Maybe then Ivan the Fool or Emelya, and God be with her, with the stove? But still, doubts plague Ivan: Ivan was always being admonished by someone, he himself could not make a single normal decision, he ended up in history every time, and Emel, in general, could not be torn away from the stove, as if he had forgotten how to walk. The helper pike, forever, like the mother of a small child, fulfilled all his wishes.

Well, no one wants to marry an infantile dead guy who lives dependent on his parents and on unemployment benefits. But how can it be then, because dreams should come true?! Do not post advertisements:

18 years old – Looking for a handsome prince on a white horse!

30 years old - Looking for a prince! Possibly without a horse...

40 years old - Looking for a horse! The suit doesn't matter...

Here's how to avoid receiving a message in response:

I exchange the white horse for any other means of transportation. Enough!

Prince.

Apparently, there are not enough princes for everyone.

Jokes aside, but I repeat once again: dreams must come true! Otherwise, they turn into unrealistic ones, and then they are not far from neuroses and psychoses. Yes, the search for a groom requires remarkable health, and health must be protected. If it is difficult to find a groom in good health, then no one will need a sick bride.

What's the catch then? What stops your dreams from coming true? Maybe the whole point is not in the dream itself, but in how we formulate it and what influences the formulation itself? Our desires are partly influenced by society, the environment in which we find ourselves - parental instructions and prohibitions, advertising and propaganda, the opinions of friends and acquaintances (and strangers too). In addition, in society there are a lot of certain stereotypes that we, willy-nilly, have to adhere to in order not to “fall out of the pack.” Otherwise, you are a black sheep, an outcast, a loser (so that everyone can understand).

For example, it is believed in society that a girl must get married and give birth to a child, and a man must build a house, plant a tree and raise this very child. So please do it. And the media will help you with this: it will definitely describe what the chosen one or chosen one should be like, what type of tree should be planted, how to build a house and, finally, how best to raise a child. We, based on stereotypes, “build” these images within ourselves, creating an ideal model of our own world. Having nurtured such dreams, we look forward to their realization.

Essentially, we want our dreams to come true exactly the way we want them, without any improvisation or tolerance. Only as we had planned, strictly according to the list. So it turns out, for example, that a girl dreamed of becoming a princess, and when she grew up and realized that she was not living in a royal country at all, but even vice versa, and that there weren’t enough princes for everyone (even without horses!), it began to seem to her that a child’s the dream did not come true, and life lost all meaning, and this is not a fairy tale at all, but just some kind of gray reality. And she doesn’t notice at all that her chosen one, although not of “blue blood,” is very gallant and well-mannered and is ready to carry her in his arms and blow away specks of dust. And she doesn’t see that he considers her not even a princess, but a queen, loves her with all his heart and wants to make her the happiest in the world. After all, this is his purpose: “We were born to make a fairy tale come true!” But that’s not how the girl dreamed, not in that context!

Or, for example, a boy in childhood decided to become the president of the country (well, this happens, he managed to dream about it!). And when he grows up, he realizes that the position of the president is taken. And although he is no longer a boy and is the president of his own foundation, having a billion-dollar capital, it is still childishly insulting. And so, how do you count whether a childhood dream has come true or not? This is the power of stereotypes and conventions. Here we should be glad that everything turned out so well, just as we dreamed, because the key word in the childhood dream was president. But no, as they say: “So, but not like that!”

Be that as it may, dreams still come true, even Pushkin wrote about this (and it is worth noting that Pushkin is an indisputable authority for a Russian person) in the wonderful “The Tale of Tsar Saltan”:

If only I were a queen, -

One girl says,

Then for the whole baptized world

I would prepare a feast.

If only I were a queen, -

Her sister says,

Then there would be one for the whole world

I wove fabrics.

If only I were a queen, -

The third sister said,

I would for the father-king

She gave birth to a hero.

And then, at the most opportune moment, the Tsar enters and fulfills all wishes - as they say: “Earrings for all sisters.” This is where we should put an end to – such a wonderful story! – and just move on and be happy. But no! “The cook is angry in the kitchen, the weaver is crying at the loom - and they envy the Tsar’s wife.” And why all? The desire was formulated incorrectly. The key query is unclear. What did these women really want? To feed and serve the king or, as his legal wife, to become the sovereign mistress of the palace? It is necessary to clearly understand what is the main thing in what is desired and what is secondary, and then calmly and properly formulate the request. In most cases, we want everything at once. This is reminiscent of the cry of the soul of the heroine of N. Erdman’s play “Suicide”: “Senya was there - there was no hat, the hat became - Senya was gone. God! Why don’t you give everything at once?”

In order to achieve what we want and then not shed tears all our lives about unfulfilled hopes, we need to clearly understand what we really want? What result are we trying to achieve? In other words, what will the status of princess and president or the position of cook and weaver give us?

Exercise “My childhood dream”

Sit comfortably, close your eyes, try to relax. Your breathing is calm and relaxed. Thoughts gradually slow down and then disappear altogether. Silence and tranquility envelops you.

From this state, allow yourself to “plunge” into your childhood dream. What do you see? Who is surrounding you at this moment? How do you feel? What feelings are you experiencing? Remember what exactly you wanted as a child, what did you dream about? What does this dream give you? Imagine your dream coming true. Listen to your condition. How did you feel? Has something changed in you? Has your environment changed? Are you comfortable? Stay in this state for some time.

Gradually “return” to reality, open your eyes. Don't make sudden movements. You can stretch and sit in a way that is comfortable for you. Now answer your questions: “What of your plans came true and what didn’t? What needs to be done to bring your condition closer to that of your childhood dream?”

Write down your results on a piece of paper. From time to time, you can look at your notes, noting the stages passed along the way to achieving your goal.

Chapter 8. Children's “secrets” In this chapter we will look at how children are involved in active material exchange with the world around them, and above all with the earth. Due to their small stature, a child is literally closer to the earth than an adult. And psychologically

Childhood Nightmares When I was five or six years old, I learned to control my nightmares. One day, while escaping from a dinosaur, I took out a can of spinach and ate it. From this I became strong, like Popi, and “overcame” my enemy. (V.B., Rownoke, Virginia) I had this lucid dream in