Why am I so stupid? Any person who finds himself in a new, unfamiliar situation can ask a similar question. Moreover, the level of education and the degree of reading do not play any role here. He simply does not know what to do, because he has not formed certain patterns of behavior.
It's not scary, but it does give you a lot to think about. To some extent, your own knowledge can even prevent you from feeling true self-confidence. A person who suffers from a lack of self-esteem often finds himself in a situation where he begins to doubt his mental abilities and plagues himself with the question: “What if I’m stupid?”
A person who is dissatisfied with his relationships with people around him, as a rule, begins to look for the truth within himself. In some cases, the search extends over several months or even years. In order to determine your true values, you need additional time. If you don’t push yourself and don’t rush to conclusions, you can restore your peace of mind. The main thing is to be able to understand your own feelings, to understand the true reasons for the events taking place.
Signs of Dullness
By what criteria do we usually evaluate ourselves? After all, it often happens that we exaggerate our own shortcomings, constantly considering them to suit our own complexes. The habit of constantly monitoring your experiences can become entrenched over time and lead to unsatisfactory results. What do you mean, stupid person? Let's try to figure it out!
Inability to hear the interlocutor
Such a person is extremely inattentive to what is happening around him. He concentrates only on his own needs, and therefore tends not to notice people's reactions.
The inability to hear the interlocutor ultimately results in the fact that others begin to consider such a person not very distant. From the outside it seems that he is completely incapable of understanding the subject of the conversation, has no idea what is being discussed, that is, he is a prominent representative of stupid people. In fact, such a person is overly focused on his own experiences.
Poor learning ability
If a person has difficulty remembering any material, it is likely that he has a low memory capacity. At the same time, concentration will certainly suffer. Poor performance at school and subsequent educational institutions usually creates a significant degree of self-doubt. And many young people ask: “What should I do if I’m stupid academically?” They consider it completely useless to learn something new and apply the acquired knowledge in practice. Extreme self-doubt gives rise to additional problems associated with communication and self-realization.
It becomes difficult for a person to concentrate on the task at hand. When thinking about the question “What should I do if I’m stupid and lazy,” you should be guided by an individual approach. Each person is unique and has distinctive characteristics.
Reasons
In order for such a sense of self to be formed, good reasons are needed. It’s just that no one considers himself a complete nonentity. The feeling of worthlessness is dictated by the feeling of one’s own uselessness and the inability to somehow express oneself in society. Even once faced with misunderstanding, a person then expects ridicule throughout his life.
Insecure individuals tend to take too many things personally, even things that do not directly apply to them. So, what are the reasons why many people consider themselves stupid people? Let's take a closer look at them.
Habit of comparison
When a person feels stupid, in most cases conclusions are drawn based on comparing their own shortcomings with the strengths of others. And this is a big mistake! People cannot be the same and have an equal amount of knowledge in all areas. Almost everyone has the habit of comparing themselves with others. It comes from a lack of self-confidence. The more we soul-search, the more difficult it actually becomes to focus on everyday tasks.
When a person compares himself with others, he thereby admits his own weakness and takes away precious energy. This condition cannot lead to anything good, since it hinders development.
Lack of self-confidence
Only by fully realizing one's own prospects can a person move forward. Everyone has opportunities, but not everyone understands how to apply the knowledge they have in life. Lack of self-confidence actually blocks many undertakings and does not allow the personality to reveal itself. Thus, self-realization becomes impossible, since it is hampered by the strong fear of potential defeat that arises.
Each failure is experienced very hard, as if the happiness of a particular individual depends on it. "Why am I so stupid?" - a person constantly asks himself, asking himself numerous other questions about his inferiority. In most cases, he spends a long time looking for an opportunity to remake himself. This is because there is a fear of loneliness inside, coupled with the fear of not being up to par.
Self-doubt
Lack of self-confidence is another reason why a person may begin to consider himself a failure. It’s hardly surprising that he doesn’t understand much in life. If you constantly think about your own inadequacy, then you may never make progress in important matters and issues.
Self-doubt makes it very difficult to enjoy life, comprehend its boundaries and open new perspectives. It is impossible to achieve success if you constantly look back at yourself in search of answers to a wide variety of questions. You cannot oppress yourself with painful thoughts about your personal unfulfillment.
Psychological trauma
A traumatic situation is one of the most serious reasons that can undermine confidence in one’s own capabilities for a long time. It is very difficult for a person who is convinced of his impenetrable stupidity to begin to perceive himself in exactly the opposite way.
Psychological trauma and internal conflicts are a serious obstacle to feeling like a full-fledged person. The feeling of happiness depends on many factors, and it is always subjective.
When there is a conviction within that you cannot master the most basic skills, this creates an obstacle to the formation of a happy sense of self. It really seems to a person that he is not capable of anything. Such thoughts are destructive: they do not help in any way to cultivate self-confidence, but only convince a person of complete failure.
Interpersonal conflicts
Another reason why a person may consider himself narrow-minded is a feeling of resentment. It usually prevents us from adequately perceiving the surrounding reality. When some need in life is not satisfied, the individual develops internal deprivation. Sometimes a person does not understand what is happening to him because he has developed the habit of considering himself incapable of understanding the most ordinary things.
Existing conflicts with people often interfere with building normal harmonious relationships. Emotions such as fear, anger, and resentment largely inhibit personal development and prevent the emergence of a feeling of satisfaction. A person always needs to feel needed and involved in the lives of other people.
What to do
In order to get rid of the feeling of internal awkwardness, it is necessary to take certain actions. Without taking concrete steps, it is very difficult to free yourself from feelings of inferiority. What if I'm stupid? When asking such a question, you should be extremely frank with yourself. Having a set of clear steps, you can quickly get rid of the problem.
Working with self-esteem
Stop calling yourself stupid! It is very important to free yourself from the feeling of internal discomfort if you really want to start feeling differently.
There is no need to constantly torment yourself trying to cope with the existing problem. When a person calls himself stupid, he thereby admits his own weakness. Most likely, other people will begin to perceive it accordingly. However, it is worth remembering that a narrow-minded person will never think about his own shortcomings.
Developed reflection just means that a person is smart enough. It's just that some people don't know how to value themselves and find their strengths. You need to learn this! Working with self-esteem begins with accepting your individuality. It is impossible to achieve anything significant if you do not try for it.
Constant self-education
What if I'm stupid? This question usually comes to mind for those who suffer from low self-esteem. And to feel confident, you actually need to make significant efforts. The best thing to do would be to start educating yourself. Systematic exercises increase self-confidence and help release huge amounts of energy that can be used for useful purposes.
Self-education undoubtedly increases self-confidence. Thus, a person ceases to consider himself stupid and narrow-minded. Sometimes it will take a lot of effort to free yourself from the inner feeling of inferiority.
Taking responsibility
This is an important and necessary step in order to continue moving forward when your hands give up. Accepting responsibility means you need to stop complaining about life.
When we stop blaming others for what happens in our lives, visible changes begin. You must try to ensure that your self-confidence grows and strengthens every day. If this is not done, then the person will constantly feel his complete failure in anything and will not be able to start a new business without feeling guilty.
The feeling of one's own stupidity is a purely subjective feeling that you need to try to work with. You cannot get rid of the problem once and for all, because there is no magic pill, but you can work on yourself and change for the better.
Skill development
What if I'm stupid? You must definitely try to improve your abilities. You can’t just stand still and not make any attempts to change yourself.
Developing communication skills contributes to overall productivity. Then any task will be within your reach and will bring moral satisfaction.
It is necessary to strive for a feeling of joy and spiritual fulfillment. The more we work on ourselves, the more prepared we become.
Thus, it is never too late to try to change something in your life. If a person feels quite insecure around other people due to lack of knowledge, this means that he needs to expand his inner vision. There is no need to dwell on the problem. You should always remember that there is a way out of any situation.
I don't understand people well. I am silent, I hate empty chatter and unnecessary arguments. The problems that my classmates are worried about seem trivial, the topics are stupid, the charms of swear words are incomprehensible.
When I express my point of view, it seems absurd to everyone, no one understands how it was possible to come to such a conclusion, no one listens.
Why do people around me think that if I am silent, then I must be shy? It seems to me that my phrases will be inappropriate. It just doesn't matter, it's not interesting.
And my communication style is different.
Often boys try to mock me. This doesn't touch the soul at all. But why do this? Looks stupid.
I feel like some kind of miracle with green skin.
How to make a good impression on them?
Rate:
Diana, age: 13/10/08/2014
Responses:Hello) Don’t worry) Have you read or seen a fairy tale about the ugly duckling? In the end, he found “his people”... and flew away... and a barnyard is always a barnyard, even if it’s warm and satisfying... probably, if I were you, I would make friends with more famous people)) with a worldwide reputation))) these are the authors of good books. Classics, with a worldwide reputation) Believe me, this is an exciting acquaintance). I myself, at your age, read a lot... and now it helps me a lot... try) take a book... I started with a simple volume of Lermontov... don’t be bored and don’t be sad)... be a miracle with green skin- better than one from the gray crowd....
I. Vladimirovich, age: 42 / 10/09/2014
Diana, I think, just don’t show arrogance. This is exactly how they perceive your behavior. Try to become interested in what worries your classmates. Or instead of stupid ones, offer them smart topics. Talk about what interests you. At least out of politeness, express your opinion if asked. People intuitively sense a certain amount of arrogance on your part, which is why your relationships in the class do not go well. But this can be fixed if you communicate more with those you like. It can't be that all your classmates are fools. There is someone worthy of attention. So communicate with them, and with the rest, to the extent of politeness.
Olga, age: 26 / 10/11/2014
How similar it is to me! Know that people like you are found on Earth, albeit rarely. You are more developed spiritually, your Soul is more mature than the souls of your peers. Diana, to be a light among the darkness is your cross, accept it.
Now let's talk about ways to live with it. One of the most important: learn to joke. And even be sarcastic. Everyone loves and respects people with a sense of humor. Tease the offender, but witty, playfully, challenge him weakly, putting pressure on his conscience. Know how to make fun of yourself.
Next: behave among your peers as if you are already 30 years old, you are a successful woman and a beloved wife - in general, a self-sufficient lady who knows her worth. But you are really older than them!
If possible, go to a theater studio - there you can become more confident in yourself, open up, and perhaps find creative and cheerful friends.
To better understand people’s motives and the reasons for their behavior, I highly recommend Liz Burbo’s book “Five Traumas That Prevent You from Being Yourself.”
Diana, write something so that I know that my message reached the recipient. Good luck!
Irina, age: 25 / 10/12/2014
Diana, you speak very maturely, despite such a young age. I like the way you express your thoughts. You write: “When I express my point of view, it seems ridiculous to everyone, no one understands how one could come to such a conclusion, no one listens.” Maybe you just lack self-confidence and self-confidence? Do boys bully you?, it means they like you, you are not indifferent to them. I myself, when I was the same age as you, and even older, heard bullying from boys. Believe me, they are still stupid at that age and simply don’t know how to win your attention. They don’t know any other way. Never mind that you’re somehow different, since the boys make fun of you. Of course, you definitely need to work on yourself, improve yourself. Read more books, develop! Forward!
P.S. And you don’t need to make any impression on anyone! Be true to yourself!
Stefania, age: 20/10/12/2014
People are strange. Really. each in his own way. I want to tell you that you should under no circumstances change to please others. unless you do anything bad, don’t offend anyone with your behavior and words, don’t change. People are too strange and changeable to change for the sake of their momentary approval. You are great.
Shan, age: 24 / 10/12/2014
I recognize myself in my younger years)) only, unlike you, I reacted sharply to everything. So, all sorts of mockery do not touch you to the depths of your soul, and that’s great. Your nerves will be intact. And let the offenders rage.
In fact, remembering my class, I can say that such behavior is purely age-related stupidity. Most have outgrown all this and become adequate people.
You will understand that everyone in this world has their own problems and cockroaches, some are fatter, some are not. And for you or for most people, this is still a question. Life will tell.
Now you are, apparently, limited by the school and the society that has developed there. You just have to wait it out and grow up. You will have your own areas of interest, where you can apply your logic, choose a profession, and develop a circle of interests. Or at least some interesting and useful acquaintances will appear for you.
Yes, I know that it’s hard to get rid of the thought: what will they think there? But if you control yourself on the subject: who they are and how much they influence your life, then everything is possible. You can also just stupidly forget about everything and do what is convenient for you. And then, the main thing is to notice that the catastrophe did not happen, life goes on as usual, and most people didn’t even notice that you were doing something “wrong” or didn’t look right. And if they did notice, then see point 1 - who are they?
And if you manage to achieve inner harmony and freedom to be yourself, there will definitely be some exotic lover. For example, green skin) because, no matter what kind of person he is, strength and confidence attract in any case. Good luck to you
Yana, age: 25 / 10/14/2014
Diana, don’t try to impress them. Be yourself, unique and inimitable. This is much better than following the herd and being the same as everyone else. Believe me, everyone will value the ability to be yourself later in life. This is difficult, but you need to learn. Good luck.
Katka, age: - / 10/14/2014
Diana, what are you, everything is fine with you. This is a valuable quality - to be able to be yourself.
Believe me, it's not that important to impress people you don't respect. That is, it should not take away your strength at all.
Your inner world is more important. Your thoughts, your soul. Your love for your loved ones. Your ability to be a happy person.
I believe that you will follow your own creative, meaningful path. And then in a few years all these misunderstandings will seem like nonsense. Because of course, if you trust your heart, you will meet spiritually close people in your life. And this is one of the greatest treasures in life.
Don't be afraid to be yourself.
Anna, age: 24/10/28/2014
I completely understand you.... Everything seems to be fine. My love of thinking and completely objective thinking allow me to look at things realistically. But there is no desire to communicate with other people. Sometimes I find one person
with whom it is interesting to have a conversation. But this won’t last long either... Basically, I immediately dismiss the potential interlocutor, realizing that he doesn’t know anything that has any significance. I don't know what to do
Soul binding 10.06.2017
Dear readers, today we continue our column, led by Elena Khutornaya, writer, blogger, creator of intuitive maps. And this time our conversation will focus on such a familiar topic of misunderstanding. How often we come across this in life, we try to resist, fight... But is this the way to really change something? Let's look at this from different angles. I give the floor to Lena.
Good afternoon, dear readers of Irina’s blog. Agree, the easiest thing to do when they don’t understand you is to just be offended by everyone. Or you can sigh heavily and sadly, saying, well, what can we take from you, wretches... Or you can get involved in a furious argument, or go into deep rejection, or pretend that everything is fine, while you languish inside and consume yourself with unspoken irritation... But what will they bring? do we need these habitual patterns of behavior? What, besides negative emotions, damaged relationships? Perhaps we will experience a sense of superiority or be filled with a sense of self-righteousness. But is it worth experiencing all these feelings? And if not this, then what to do if they don’t understand you?
We often regard misunderstanding as people’s reluctance to do something for us, and, as a result, we really begin to blame them for not loving us, for not wanting to show us attention and sympathy. And this makes us feel lost, unnecessary, unloved...
See yourself in others
However, when we experience something like this, it is always worth asking ourselves the question - do we ourselves fully understand those who are close to us? After all, it probably happens that they also blame us for misunderstanding. And at such moments it seems to us that we, unlike some, have every reason to behave the way we do. And this is so - everyone always has justifications for their own actions.
You shouldn’t think that we never do things like others do – we just don’t notice it. Just like those around us, it seems to us at such moments that they are simply making mountains out of molehills when they present some claims to us.
For example, a wife wants the house to be clean, and she argues with her husband so that he takes off his shoes on the rug, and does not wear shoes throughout the apartment. And it seems to my husband, just think, a rug, shoes - something businesslike. But his wife definitely could not call him five times while he is driving along the intercity highway on one of his business trips or returning from it. I explained to her, and argued, and just tried not to pick up the phone, but she continues to do so - now she worries whether he has arrived, whether it’s raining, if there’s fog, then suddenly she remembers some other very important matters that are definitely we need to discuss it now, while he is driving. It seems to her that she’s not really distracting him, is it difficult to answer? And in general, she did it for a second and solely out of concern for him...
Or a young mother is absolutely sure that her three-year-old child could not cry so much because they did not have time to go to the playground. She’s tired, she still has to cook lunch, she didn’t get enough sleep, and in the morning she also had an argument with her dad - so she has problems, but is the playground really a problem? Well, we'll go tomorrow, she's not going anywhere!
Misunderstanding due to unwillingness to understand
And so it turns out that misunderstanding arises when we ourselves do not want to understand. It seems to us that those around us could well sacrifice their interests for our sake, get into a position, take pity on us, support us, but instead they keep pulling and pulling to their side... But we are also pulling.
It is very important to accept as it is that for people something that we do not see any importance at all can be very important. I think this is partly the secret of happy couples - they allow each other to be who they are. Maybe they sometimes disagree with each other, maybe they speak out on this topic, try to convince each other, but when it doesn’t work out, they just accept it as it is, without trying to reproach it.
The wife leaves her husband alone, wipes, sweeps the floor after him. He may grumble about it, but he buys a bigger rug, brings him everything from his rooms that he might have forgotten before leaving home, and doesn’t bear any grudge against him for it.
The husband gets a headset so that he can comfortably talk on the phone while driving, and calmly answers all his wife’s calls: yes, I’m on my way, everything is fine, no rain, no fog, not enough cars, kisses, my love.
The young mother is really tired, and there is no time to go to the playground, but she does not swear at the child, does not blame him for his lack of understanding and capriciousness, but comes home with him and comes up with another activity for him, no less interesting than the sandbox and swing. The child calms down, she calmly prepares dinner, and even has five minutes left to calmly drink a cup of tea.
The child cannot yet consciously do something for his mother, but thanks to her behavior he will be calmer and more accommodating, and in the evening he will probably go to bed safely and not fall into hysterics from overexcitation.
Thanks for your understanding
The most interesting thing is that when we begin to treat others with more tolerance and patience, they also begin to show more attention to us, to our needs.
This does not mean that we should remain silent about our desires or not voice them over and over again. Firstly, those around us must be aware of our desires in order to know how to please us. Secondly, it happens that what they do not remember the first time comes to them on the third, fifth or tenth - and this too must be taken calmly, because habits do not change immediately. You just don’t need to demand, make trouble, or give ultimatums. We need to meet them halfway ourselves and show the understanding that we would like to see in them.
The ability to see your responsibility
And, of course, we must always remember - it’s not people who are like that, it’s us who are like that, and that’s why such situations arise in our lives. It’s not the husband who is so slow-witted that he can’t put his shoes on the rug—it’s the wife who attaches too much importance to this. It’s not the wife who is so annoying and doesn’t understand that she’s distracting him from the road and risking his life - perhaps it’s the husband who sees the care that a loving woman should show, and if she doesn’t call him several times a day, he himself feels unnecessary and abandoned.
And the point, of course, is not the child or the playground, but the fact that the husband demands that everything be ready, cleaned and washed when he arrives. But the young mother does not always manage to do everything and is afraid of his reproaches, and besides, she believes that he himself could help her with at least something at home. But this is not her husband’s problem, but her own - she needs to allow herself not to keep up and at the same time not be afraid of her husband’s reproaches. She doesn’t sit idle anyway, she does everything she has time to do, she doesn’t have time to do it - let her husband help. She doesn’t want to help – that’s his business, but it’s not her fault either.
So instead of being offended and proving that you are right, you need to do two things - be understanding towards those who do not understand you. And to see the problem not in people, but to realize that this experience did not arise in vain in your life, with you. And try to change not people, but yourself.
Hint from metaphorical cards
We can do a simple exercise on metaphorical cards. Choose some situation in your life related to misunderstanding. And then ask yourself one of the following questions:
- What is the reason for this misunderstanding?
- What do I need to understand and realize in order for the situation of misunderstanding to be resolved?
- What will help me accept this experience?
The video shows one of my decks of intuitive and metaphorical cards. You can watch the video just for fun, for harmonization and relaxation, or you can use it to understand yourself. If you like the second option, formulate a request and select any moment in the video - which card you end up on will be the answer to the question posed.
The cards in the video are repeated twice in different orders, so it is quite possible to ask several questions and select several moments of the video, and therefore several different cards.
Metaphorical cards are NOT fortune telling, they are psychology. They do not have fixed meanings - by addressing them, we are addressing our own subconscious. That's why they can't give wrong answers. And, of course, you can use them to work on any other requests. You can read more about this on my website.
How to work with metaphorical cards
What to do if they don’t understand us
In conclusion, we can only repeat once again: the answer to the question of what to do if you are not understood will always be one thing - understand it yourself. Listen to other people, try to look at everything through their eyes, proceed from the desire to do better, and not to win and insist that you are right.
People always unmistakably feel these hidden motives, and they turn out to be not so hidden, because we speak in completely different words, with different intonations, when, it would seem, we are talking about the same thing, but in different states. So just be kinder, and in return for this kindness the world around you will become kinder.
With warmth,
Khutornaya Elena
I thank Lena for her correct and wise thoughts, as always. Of course, first of all, we must strive to understand each other, and then there will always be warmth and love in our lives, and it will be much easier to overcome all difficulties.
Helen, I want to congratulate you on creating a video clip with your metaphorical cards. Wonderful job! And you can see everything clearly, and just work and relax. And as always, I use a random card selection method. Today I got the chance “Everything will be as you want, or it won’t be at all..” I smiled... and it’s true, that’s exactly it.
And for the soul we will listen today Maksim Mrvica ~ Leeloo´s Tune . An incredibly beautiful video that captivates from the first seconds and never lets go. And it is performed by one of my favorite pianists, Maxim Mrvica.
See also
15 comments
- work (future or existing);
- family and children (who already exist or may appear);
- education (including self-development);
- favorite activity, hobby;
- religion;
- Friends;
- rest and entertainment.
Answer
According to my observations, people conflict with each other primarily due to a lack of mutual understanding and only then due to a lack of mutual respect. Understanding another person is not as easy as it might seem; you must first want to do it, which not many people want. Basically, everyone tries to explain their position as clearly as possible and only then somehow try to understand someone else’s. At the heart of all this is selfishness, which blinds and deafens us. In general, selfishness is not such a bad trait of a person, in addition to the fact that everyone has this quality, it is a means of survival and therefore it is in no case possible to consider selfishness as something unnecessary. But outright selfishness is more likely to harm than to help; an openly selfish person rushes like a tank, trying to satisfy only his own interests and completely ignoring those of others. It would probably be unnecessary to explain that such people only reach a certain limit, which depends on their capabilities. Therefore, I will not do this, and everything is clear, but rather I will draw your attention to the correct position, which helps to more effectively get what you want in most cases.
All you need is to understand other people, I understand the banality, but it’s true. The only problem is that you don’t know how to do it, you can only guess about it, but if you often have conflicts with other people, you don’t understand them. If I tell you that it would not hurt you, during a dialogue with other people, to put yourself in their place more often, this will of course be a correct statement, but this is not easy to achieve, here you need to have certain mental and psychological characteristics that need to be developed . And therefore, I recommend that you think about what you want from your interlocutor, and what he is not going to give you so easily. If you are solving some issue that is important for both sides, then you do not need to openly demonstrate your position, just be more cunning, beat around the bush, and repeat the position of your interlocutor, clarifying it in this way. Your ego will rush you, forcing you to interrupt your interlocutor to interject your arguments, but do not give in to this temptation. Have more respect for the other side, and most importantly, give your interlocutor the opportunity to talk as much as possible, this is important for people.
If you remain silent more and ask questions related to your interlocutor’s speech, you will be amazed at the amount of information he will provide you with. The most important thing you need to achieve in this way is more specifics and details, let your interlocutor understand that you do not fully understand him, but really want to understand. You will be surprised, but forgetting about your position, you will understand someone else’s; it will be as if you are observing the conversation from the outside, and therefore it will seem more objective to you. And in this case, it will be possible to choose the most necessary words to competently express your position. Do you agree that there is a difference between observing other people’s communication and one’s own participation in such communication? And if you have noticed this feature, then you understand other people better when you see them from the outside. This happens because you do not focus solely on yourself and your interests, but simply observe, calmly and at ease. So try to be as relaxed and casual in conversation, just listen to the other person and you will hear him. But when you hear it, then you yourself will understand what and how to do, because there are always mutually beneficial interests for any parties, you just need to look for them.
When you know exactly what another person needs, you know how best to give it to him in order to get what is yours. This is a competent manifestation of your ego, which is looking for the opportunity to self-satisfy, but only more skillfully, with guaranteed benefits. In this way, your egoism can be useful to you, because it is smart egoism that does not contradict either you or others. It may be that, of course, understanding of other people is not always and not always required; sometimes firmly defending one’s position is the most acceptable option, but in most cases, understanding of other people is necessary.
An assessment of your capabilities and the capabilities of your interlocutor must be objective; in each specific case, you must realistically assess your capabilities and the maximum that you can extract from them. But only you should know this information, your interlocutor should see your capabilities in a slightly more elevated version, just don’t go too far. But you need to know the capabilities of your interlocutor in their true form; the more obvious they are to you, the more opportunities you have. And in order to see these opportunities, you need to understand your interlocutor, hear him, get specifics, trust, and a sense of calm from him. The more he reveals himself to you, the more you will learn about him, and when you have all the cards in your hands, what prevents you from playing the game you want? So keep your egoism on a chain, let it work only within limited limits, without harming either you or your interests.
There is no person whom we have known longer than ourselves. Does this mean that everything will automatically be clear: how to live, what to strive for? The world as a whole is structured in such a way that many people live according to the rules: school, university chosen by their parents, work in their specialty, and then, until retirement, a home-work-home schedule, without the time or desire to think about anything other than this. If many people live like this, why think about how to understand yourself?
Why is this necessary?
Every person wants to do more than just live their life from kindergarten to retirement. It is very important that this life brings satisfaction, so that it does not seem that it is passing by and all decisions in it are made in advance. When a person understands himself, it is easier for him to navigate important decisions, for example, choosing a job or a marriage partner.
There is nothing worse than being out of place. Everyone, faced with, for example, a doctor or a teacher who doesn’t like their job, has wondered: why does this person work here if he doesn’t like it so much? After all, he interferes with the life of both himself and others.
Even more tragic is the situation when people create families with those with whom they will never be happy. All this happens because these people did not understand themselves and as a result made the wrong decision.
Priorities and values
The first thing that will help you understand yourself is the distribution of priorities. Here it is very important to abstract from all the stereotypes that have been imposed by society.
You need to take a sheet of paper and, focusing on your own preferences, arrange the values in order. It could be:
When it becomes clear what is important in life, it will be easier to determine what you can give up and, most importantly, for what. For the most part, it is values that define the essence of a person.
What brings you pleasure
The next thing that will help you understand yourself is addictions. This point is very similar to values, but covers a narrower range of concepts. As a rule, we are talking about opposite things:
Listening to yourself, it’s worth writing down which of these things bring you more joy. This is the second stage of characterization.
Disadvantages and advantages
This will probably require outside help. Someone who can observe from the outside and come up with a reasoned opinion. This is necessary because, firstly, every person judges himself from the inside, and secondly, we get so used to our strengths and weaknesses that we stop paying attention to them.
These traits are not just descriptions of yourself. Knowing them, you can emphasize your strengths and avoid situations where your weaknesses will appear.
For example, advantages include sociability, responsiveness, generosity, and hospitality. Disadvantages include grumpiness, the habit of gossiping or interfering in other people's affairs. You need to write down on paper seven of your positive and negative qualities.
In addition, it is worth considering in what situations it is more difficult to contain your shortcomings. For example, someone becomes grumpy if they are hungry or tired. Another becomes short-tempered around overly emotional people. The third person can easily be provoked into an argument when it comes to certain topics. Knowing your weaknesses, you can avoid such situations or consciously control yourself in them. This will help not only understand yourself, but also manage your feelings.
Don't be afraid of difficult tasks
A difficult situation is what clearly demonstrates all the qualities of a person. Don't be afraid of such tasks: they will help you learn something new about yourself.
There is a proverb: “a person is a vessel. If you want to know what's inside, touch it."
Yes, a person is largely determined by the scale of the problem that can unsettle him. When faced with something difficult, you need to take an honest look at yourself. What thoughts came first? Fear? Uncertainty? The desire to blame everything on someone else? Or, if the brain has started working towards solving a problem, then what kind of solution is it: honest, or does it include workarounds, deception? It is worth paying attention to whether the consequences were thought through or whether the decision was short-sighted. All these details will help you understand yourself better.
Help from outside
Another way is psychological tests. We are not talking about those invented by amateurs for entertainment. There are tests that professionals have spent a lot of time creating and investing their knowledge into. For example, the Luscher test, Rorschach and others. When reading their results, it is worth understanding that they did not take into account purely individual characteristics, but in many ways they are quite accurate.
Another way to better understand yourself is to read books whose wisdom has been tested by time. For example, the Bible, Koran or Torah. They describe interesting parables, useful advice, the lives of individuals and entire nations. As you read about the tips, you might think, “Am I applying any of these in my life?” When reading about people's lives, you might think, “What would I do if I were in their place?”
Such holy books are not simple and can be difficult to understand. It is good if someone can provide help, but it is important that there is no imposition of religious dogmas.
The habit of thinking about such questions is useful for anyone, regardless of whether he is a believer or not. Here it is important to learn to analyze your behavior in abstract situations and the possible reasons for the behavior of other people.
It is not difficult to understand yourself. And the effort it takes is definitely worth it. To do this, it is not necessary to follow all the tips from this article; the first two or three may be enough. By setting aside a couple of evenings and a piece of paper, you can learn a lot about yourself and then use it wisely.
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