Children spy on their parents. The child caught you in the bedroom doing an “interesting activity”

Good afternoon.

I am forced to ask for help, because the problem is quite delicate and I am embarrassed to talk about it with friends or family. In fact, I don’t understand how this could happen, how and why it could come to this, but nevertheless.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but it seems that my son is spying on me, i.e., trying to see me without clothes and in general his attitude towards me, let’s say, is beyond the boundaries of a son-mother relationship. He is soon 16 years old, I am 35, we live together in a one-room apartment. I started noticing strange things about a year ago, at first I didn’t pay attention, but the cases began to become more frequent.
Unfortunately, there is no man in our house and there was no one except my dad, so our apartment is not in very good condition, in particular, the doors to the toilet and bathroom do not close. My son periodically comes to the door in the toilet and sharply opens it when I am there. It’s impossible not to notice that the toilet is occupied, because the light is on, and you can’t use the toilet without it. Nevertheless, my son is always sincerely surprised, they say, are you here?, I didn’t notice, I really need to go to the toilet, etc. He pulls the door hard, because I’ve recently started holding it with my hand. Same thing with the bathroom. I get up at 6:00 or 6:30, depending on what I have to do in the morning. To be on time for school, he only needs to get up at 7:30. But quite often he wakes up with me, goes to the bathroom and, while I’m in the shower, begins to wash himself with special care, brush his teeth, and shave (although there’s nothing to shave there yet). It’s quite difficult to kick him out of the bathroom - they say, get out, I’m not looking. Then he goes to bed, wakes up for school, but is washed and shaved early in the morning. In the evening he also goes into the bathroom, if I’m there - “I urgently need to wash something, wash it, clean it.”
Some time ago I got tired of this, I called a locksmith who installed locks on the doors. The son's indignation knew no bounds. However, he was unable to explain his indignation, except “why spend money, I could do it myself.” I actually bought some tools six months ago so that he could learn to at least somehow do a man’s work. They are still packed.
After that it didn't get any calmer. I noticed that as soon as I go to the shower, my son goes to the toilet. Having examined the riser in the toilet, I discovered a small hole near the pipes leading to the bathroom. I don’t know if it’s been there for a long time, or if my son did it himself, or if you can see from it who’s taking a bath. I found a mini camera on Ali Express and started asking for it. I refused because I didn’t explain why he needed her.
Just a week ago, while taking a shower, I saw my son’s phone on the washing machine, and it was not lying, but standing, the screen was directed towards the bathroom. There was a dirty duvet cover lying on the typewriter, apparently as a disguise. Naturally, the phone was locked. The son said that he simply forgot the phone, although he does not part with it either at dinner, or in bed, or in the toilet, she asked him to unlock it and give the phone to me - he immediately refused, and an hour later he brought it. Of course, there are no photos or videos at all.
The same problems with dressing. We have a unique layout of the walls of the room; in principle, I can get dressed, “hiding” behind the open closet door, but if I sit at a table or in a chair, it is impossible to see me. You can only try to see by hanging from your son’s bed. Which he did repeatedly, when I turned around, I saw him quickly return to his original position. If you make a remark, he denies it, he didn’t try anything, everything seems to me. Now I change clothes exclusively in the bathroom.
My son has always been a rather reserved boy and not receptive to affection, especially after 8 years. "Don't kiss, don't slobber, don't lick, I'm not a girl." Now for some reason everything has changed. He can come up from behind, hug and cuddle. Only the pressing is a little different from what it should and can be, which causes an incomparable and very unpleasant sensation and sensation. He began to “lick and slobber,” sometimes without any reason. I turn my cheek and still aim at the nose and forehead. He started kissing, but his discipline and responsibility did not increase; he did not go to the store or wash dishes more often. If we find ourselves close, for example, he can lie down next to me on the bed, if I am resting, or at the table, he begins to cuddle, sometimes his hands try to end up in a place they absolutely do not need. I move away, make a remark, get up and leave - offended and bewildered. Like, what’s wrong, I’m just like that. Sometimes he brazenly and openly says that everything seemed to me. We fight, then we make up, he says that he won’t do it again, although he doesn’t understand “what’s wrong,” then it all happens again.
I don't know where this came from. I have never brought men into the house and never do. When he was little, 8 years old or younger, I could change my trousers or take off my bra in front of him, standing with my back to him. At the same time, we could even talk, he never focused attention on this, did not run to look. She wore shorts and short knitted skirts in the house. But after a friend told me about her son, she stopped, at the age of 9-10. At the same time, my son began to feel embarrassed about me, to wash himself, and demanded that I go out when he changed his clothes. Now I only wear old clothes in the house, those that you can no longer wear outside. As a last resort, I can afford a sleeveless vest, as well as old trousers, training pants, and blouses. To work I can wear a skirt just above the knee, I don’t allow anything more.
We went with him to Turkey 2 times, where I wore a swimsuit, a pareo, and shorts. Could this have any impact? My son was 11 and 14 years old. A few years ago, there lived peculiar neighbors behind the wall who had noisy sex and were generally noisy. My son paid attention to this, to the sounds, I somehow distracted him or spoke with my teeth, he was still small enough to do this. We came across the same neighbors in Turkey 2 years ago, but our son no longer reacted to this.
I have no one to ask for help. The father has not communicated with his son for 12 years; my dad is 74 years old. I have a lot of friends, but I don’t have a friend to whom I could tell about this without much embarrassment. There is little hope for the older brother, but I am afraid that the brother does not have enough authority in the eyes of his son and their possible conversation will lead nowhere. If I start talking to my son about this topic, that I am a mother, that this is not possible, he is surprised, offended, and angry.
What can you advise in such a situation? What do I need to change in my behavior? Do you need in-person intervention from a psychologist?

March 11, 2017

Mistery

Evgenia Sergeeva

Administrator, Moscow

Mistery, good evening. The psychologist will answer you after some time.

March 11, 2017

Hello Mistery. I have a lot of respect for you for your sincerity and trust: not everyone can openly talk about such a delicate problem.
You write that there were no men in the house, but have there been any meetings/romances with men in your life over the past 10 years? If not, then the accumulated sexual energy that you suppress will still seep out one way or another, and your son (that age) who is especially sensitive to it will behave accordingly. The point is not so much in clothes or lack thereof, but in the fact that, being unsatisfied, the need for sex is transmitted through our gaze, facial expressions, gestures, movements, and the son reads it, subconsciously trying to satisfy it (after all, your man’s place is free, and if he takes him, the formation of his own masculinity will occur).
“My son has always been a rather reserved boy and not receptive to affection, especially after he was 8 years old,” please explain how his isolation was expressed, and why he went deep into it after he was 8?

March 13, 2017

Good afternoon.
Yes, there were affairs, 4 times I even introduced my son to my men. But being in a relationship with a man is quite difficult for me; until recently, I couldn’t even stay after work, much less come home at night. So it all ended rather sadly. If there is any dissatisfaction, it is due to an unsettled personal life in general. It would be more correct to compensate for this with help, at least with basic self-care, and not with strange and unpleasant hints. My son and I also talk about this, to no avail.
So what I meant was that the three of us never slept in the same room, this is unacceptable for me.
The isolation was expressed in the fact that he is a spoiled boy, it’s my fault, but it is what it is. He always showed some excessive arrogance and immaturity compared to other children. This manifested itself in problems at school, with teachers, with classmates. Already in the second grade they began to bully him, tease him, he was offended, complained, even snitched, I could not let him understand that he could not do this. He became withdrawn (no one loves me, no one is friends with me), rude to me, to my mother. At home, he also did not always behave correctly, they reprimanded him, punished him, he began to become hysterical, I can’t do anything anywhere, but I want to. Next came feigned rudeness, which over time developed into indifference.
Excuse me, but I am very unpleasantly struck by your words that your son is SO trying to take the place of a man and is trying in general. Although in many ways I myself am to blame. I’m also very worried that he has no girlfriend, no friends, no hobbies, he spends almost all his time at home on his phone, and he’s not a good student. Frankly, he's a slacker. I myself attribute his interest to the fact that he COULD have seen me without clothes once, but this simply never happened.

March 13, 2017

Mistery

Mistery, your son’s attempts to take your man’s place are unconscious in nature: firstly, most likely, his personal boundaries were violated in his upbringing (by you or someone else), and secondly, he feels that his mother feels bad alone, that she needs man - hence this reaction.
Now the son is at the age of active formation of sexual behavior, he is clearly pursuing you (no matter how unpleasant it may sound), and I see the main way out is to live separately (the son can live with his grandmother or with some other relative). A good option is a residential cadet school: the son needs to develop masculinity, forge character, learn work and discipline, so in this case you are “killing two birds with one stone.” If all this does not work out, the son should be convinced of the need for masculine activities - wrestling, swimming, robotics or design (whatever his soul is more passionate about), programming, etc. And it would be good to make it clear that you do not intend to support the slacker forever, which means that soon he will need to look for a part-time job, and this is also a significant loss of energy, which is still focused on you as an object of desire.
You should try to improve your personal life: as soon as your son realizes that you have a man, his behavior will change.

March 14, 2017

What does it mean - his personal boundaries have been violated, how can this be done?
I do sometimes tell my son that I feel bad alone, but I always clarify what this means and how he could help me. He doesn’t want to help me with THIS, he avoids the conversation and ignores me, saying that these are my problems, that there is no one to help me, this is not his concern, but my husband’s. He's not a husband.
I’ve already thought about the cadet school. The fact is that it is already quite difficult to confront my son with a fait accompli; I had difficulty convincing him to concentrate on the fact that he will study at the 11th grade school; he is very wayward and poorly controlled. I'm afraid that he will resist, and there is no one to drag him by the collar. Words no longer always have an effect on him; he agrees, but after a while he returns to his old ways.
We won’t be able to live separately; he won’t go to Naro-Fominsk to live in a communal apartment with my elderly parents. I have no one else to give it to, my brother has two of his own, and my sister too.
My son was involved in men's activities - judo, sambo, swimming, robotics, at the age of 7-12. He doesn't like anything. He lacks diligence in sports; he wants to achieve everything in a month. After 12 he doesn’t go anywhere, skips classes, I’m tired of wasting money. My son has a good understanding of computers, but is not interested in anything other than games. I took some book from the IT guy at work and gave it to him. Apparently he read it and does something based on it. But I don’t understand and I can’t check, it doesn’t look like it. But I often see him playing. I persuade you to start studying and spend energy on it, I scare you with the army - it doesn’t work, doesn’t react, says that it’s still a long way off.
Unfortunately, you are wrong about my personal life. Behavior has already changed, but not for the better. He was almost always aggressive towards the men I introduced him to, whether at 6 or 14. He was rude, dropped calls, demanded gifts, picked on him, teased. Not everyone liked this.
Do you think that the reason for this behavior is still idleness? I realize that my son is very lazy, but I could not imagine that it would come to this.
Why isn't he interested in girls his own age? Okay, girls at school won’t want to be friends with him, but there is the Internet.

March 14, 2017

Mistery

I ask the moderators to close the topic, but I will continue to communicate with the psychologist in personal correspondence.

March 14, 2017

Sometimes children's curiosity about the relationship between the sexes and human structure can take unusual forms. The child may not ask direct questions. There are several types of children's behavior in relation to the topic of intimate relationships and human structure.

COMPLETE LACK OF INTEREST.

An ordinary child, due to his natural curiosity, will definitely at least at some point take an interest in this issue. If you do not see the slightest interest in the topic of gender, the structure of the human body and the relationship between men and women, then this may be due to your own behavior. Sometimes parents unknowingly block their children's curiosity in this direction. That is, curiosity remains, but parents do not see it, it does not manifest itself in the form of questions from the child, direct interest in this topic.

Most often, this situation is associated with increased anxiety of parents in matters of intimate relationships or their excessive strictness in this area.

Some parents are reassured and even pleased by the situation when the child does not ask questions. There is no need to explain anything to him, no questions - no problems. However, let's look at the situation from the other side. In any case, the child receives information about the human body and sexual relationships. After all, he does not live in a vacuum, around him are peers, older children, modern media, works of art. And all of these are sources of knowledge for him, from which he draws something that forms his picture of the world, including the picture of gender relations. When there is no conscious parental influence among these sources, several unpleasant consequences can arise at once:

– parents do not influence in any way what kind of picture of sexual relations between people will be formed in the child. This means that they cannot expect that this picture will correspond to their personal ideas about what is good and what is bad;

– information received from peers or other random sources may be far from reality or even dangerous. For example, children and adolescents often convey distorted information to each other about the possibility of pregnancy and contraceptive measures. Questions about the safety of sexual relationships rarely become a subject of interest for teenagers.

– if there is an unspoken taboo in the family on discussing sexual issues, then parents cannot expect that in a difficult situation the child will come to them for help. Growing up, a child may encounter a variety of situations. For example, peers may provoke him to various actions of a sexual nature, he may become the object of an unnatural attraction of an adult, or he may accidentally see something that frightens him. If the channel of communication with parents is open, then adults can count on the child coming to them for help. If parents diligently avoided such topics, then the child most likely will not dare to approach adults with dangerous questions.

You can avoid such complications if you make it clear to your child that he can discuss topics related to gender issues with you.

NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.

Sometimes children show obvious hostility towards the topic of gender relations. They turn away or make negative comments about kissing and other manifestations in this area. A child who shows such an attitude has decided that intimacy is something reprehensible.

Initially, the child does not feel either shame or disgust for manifestations of sexuality; such feelings are always the result of his experience of interaction with the culture around him. Probably, observing the reaction of an adult, the child realized that intimate relationships are something that is usually condemned.

Whatever the reasons for this phenomenon, parents should try to direct the child’s attitude in a healthier direction.

HOLIGAN ANCIENTS.

Sometimes parents see that their child is behaving provocatively. He may compulsively joke about the human body, or do things that adults scold him for (for example, lifting girls’ skirts or trying to touch the genital area). Or parents notice that the child tends to stay in the room where adults are changing clothes and spies on them. Usually, parents not only scold the child for such behavior, but also begin to fear that the child is exhibiting bad inclinations that must be urgently eradicated.

An example of such a situation is the following case. The mother of 5-year-old Vadim regularly had to listen to complaints from kindergarten teachers. The boy lifted the girls' skirts, often used rude language, and used foul language on the topic of intimate relationships. The parents were quite perplexed: after all, they never talked about sexual relations in front of their son, and the boy was severely punished for any hints in this area. In response to complaints from educators, they tightened educational measures in an attempt to eradicate unwanted behavior.

In such cases, the parents' reaction is often just that - punitive actions in response to the child's sexually charged actions. Usually such events only worsen the situation.

Hidden in the child’s hooligan behavior is a question that he does not dare to formulate. This is a question about the human structure and gender relations. The pressure of curiosity and the inability to directly satisfy your curiosity (adults scold for this) gives a paradoxical effect. The child begins to behave defiantly, as if acting out an internal conflict. Sometimes the child himself is not able to formulate the question that interests him, in other cases he has already learned to fear the adult’s reaction to such questions.

It is better to treat a child’s hooligan and provocative behavior as follows:

- Allow him to be curious. Let the child understand that his interest is not at all vicious, but very natural. Tell him about how the human body works, treat his behavior as a hidden, veiled question.

– limit his actions. It is advisable to tell the child that, despite the fact that his interest is normal and you are ready to explain everything to him, people have agreed to behave according to certain rules. There are places that are not customary to touch in front of other people and that cannot be touched in front of other people. There are words and movements that cause anger in others. And if someone breaks the rules, they usually get angry with him and often scold him.

If you act in these two directions at the same time, and do not just scold and punish the child for non-standard forms of displaying curiosity, then the situation will certainly change for the better.

Double, no, triple check that your bedroom door is locked.

Perhaps one of the biggest difficulties of parents is not to lose their relationships. When the whole world revolves around a little fidget, it becomes increasingly difficult to go on dates, do makeup, and finally have sex. Yes, children do everything they can to ruin those rare romantic moments! The situation gets worse when there is no one to leave them with. GR has compiled a selection of stories from married couples who were caught having sex by their children.

1. “Our kids went to bed early and we thought we were lucky. And they decided to celebrate with sex. But ten minutes later, our five-year-old daughter burst into the bedroom because she saw a real owl in the window. My husband immediately ran to the bathroom, and I said that we were just fighting. To which the daughter asked: “But why did you fight without panties?”

2. “We were on vacation with our sons, who were 8 and 10 years old. And so we decided to have sex at night, it was very good, it was hot and we didn’t cover ourselves with a sheet. In the midst of sex, the youngest son came into the room, and then came out and told the eldest what he had seen. He also came to look at us, but we were carried away and did not notice them. Then we heard them laughing in their room. When I came in, they pretended to be watching TV, but then our youngest son said that he had seen everything and was very depressed. Twenty minutes later we were already joking about it. Now that their sons are 20 and 22 years old, they still remember that night. And we joke: “At least you saw mom and dad at their best!”

3. “My husband and I had two unsuccessful attempts to have sex on the same day. Our four-year-old daughter was watching cartoons and we decided to sneak into the bedroom. But the house was undergoing renovations, and the door in our bedroom was missing. And after 5 minutes I saw that my daughter was spying on us! It's good that we were under the covers. Then she went to bed, and we decided to continue what we started. And they had just begun to approach completion when she screamed that she had woken up. And then I told my husband that he would not hear anything more from me until there was a door in the bedroom. He installed the door that evening.”

4. “Our three-year-old daughter came into our bedroom while we were doing this and asked, “Mommy, Dad, could there be wild animals in here?” I can hear them! We said she must have dreamed it. But we still laugh at this story.”

5. “My eleven-year-old daughter caught us with my mouth full of cum and I couldn’t tell her anything. Then I went up to her and explained what oral sex was. It was strange, but it’s better that she learned it from me and not from her friends.”

6. “When my oldest daughter was 15, I woke up and found three messages on my phone. The first was: “You have hurt me for life.” Second: “I heard you and dad all the time, and this is not what I would like to wake up from.” Third: “Next time, turn on the radio or something!” Sorry, baby!

7. “My husband and I were playing around, and when we finished, we heard a knock on the door and crawled under the covers. Our five-year-old daughter came in and said, “Mom, the washing machine is everything.” I said I didn't understand what she was talking about. But I felt the bed shaking and realized that my husband was barely holding back his laughter. Then I realized that my daughter heard the head of the bed hitting the wall, and I thought it was the sound of the washing machine. I said, “Oh, yes, I washed my socks for the morning. Thank you for reminding me, honey!”

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 5 minutes

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The sex life of spouses must certainly be full and vibrant. But it happens that parents, not bothering to close the doors to their bedroom, find themselves in a very delicate and ambiguous situation when, at the moment of fulfilling their marital duty, their child appears at the bedside. How to behave, what to say, what to do next?

What to do if a child witnesses parents having sexual intercourse?

This, of course, depends on how old the child is. There is a huge difference between a two-year-old child and a fifteen-year-old teenager, so the behavior and explanations of parents must naturally correspond to the age category of their child. In this delicate situation, parents should not lose self-control, because the price for their carelessness will be a long time of overcoming the unpleasant situation together. In fact, the actions and words of the parents subsequently determine how much the child will trust them in the future, how much all negative emotions and impressions about this unpleasant incident will be overcome. If such a situation has occurred, then it is necessary to carefully and thoroughly understand it.

What to tell a 2-3 year old child?

A small child who one day catches his parents engaged in a “ticklish” activity may not understand what is happening.

In this situation, it is important not to get confused, to pretend that nothing strange is happening, otherwise the child, who has not received an explanation, will experience increased interest in this. You can explain to the baby that the parents massaged each other, played, played pranks, and pushed each other. It is very important not to get dressed in front of the child, but to send him, for example, to see if it is raining outside, to bring a toy, to listen to whether the phone is ringing. Then, so that the baby has no doubts about the normality of everything that is happening, you can invite him to have fun playing with his parents, ride on dad, and give everyone a massage.

But children of this age group, as well as older children, very often have fears after such a situation - they think that their parents are fighting, that dad is beating mom, and she is screaming. The child must be immediately reassured, talk to him in a very even, friendly tone, emphasizing in every possible way that he was mistaken, that the parents love each other very, very much. Most children in such a situation begin to feel fear; the kids ask to sleep in bed with mom and dad. It makes sense to let the baby fall asleep with the parents and then carry him to his own crib. Over time, the child will calm down and soon forget about his fears.

Tatiana: From birth, the child slept in his own crib, behind a screen from our bed. At the age of two, he was already sleeping in his own room. In our bedroom we have a handle with a lock. I think it wouldn't be hard to put these in your parents' bedrooms and not have such problems!

Svetlana: Children of this age, as a rule, do not really understand what is happening. Our daughter slept next to us in the crib, and one night, when we were making love (slowly, of course), our three-year-old child declared why we were fiddling around in the bed and interfering with sleep. At an early age, it is very important not to focus on what happened.

What to say to a 4-6 year old child?

If a 4-6 year old child witnessed a parental act of love, the parents will not be able to translate what they saw into a game and a joke. At this age, the baby already understands a lot. Children absorb information like a sponge - especially that which has a touch of “forbidden”, “secret”. That is why the street subculture has a huge influence on the child, which even seeps into kindergarten groups, teaching children the “secrets of life.”

If a child of 4-6 years old caught his parents in the midst of fulfilling their marital duty, in the dark, perhaps he did not understand what was happening (if mom and dad were covered with a blanket, were dressed). In this case, it will be enough to tell him that mom had a back pain and dad tried to give him a massage. It is very important - after this situation, it is necessary to divert the child’s attention to something else - for example, sit down together to watch a movie, and if the action takes place at night, put him to bed, having first told or read him a fairy tale. If mom and dad don’t fuss, evade the child’s questions, or come up with implausible explanations, then this situation will soon be forgotten, and the baby will not return to it.

The morning after the incident, you need to carefully ask the child what he saw at night. It is quite possible to tell your child that the parents hugged and kissed in bed, because this is what all people who love each other do. To prove your words, the baby needs to be hugged and kissed. Parents should remember that children of this age, as well as slightly older ones, are very curious. If curiosity is not satisfied and the parents’ answers do not satisfy the child, then he may begin to spy on them, will be afraid to fall asleep, and under any pretext may come into the bedroom even at night.

If parents notice such attempts, they should immediately talk to the child seriously, telling him that such behavior is unacceptable, that it is wrong. It is worth noting that the parents themselves must follow the requirements that they impose on the child - for example, not entering his personal room without knocking if he has closed the door.

Lyudmila: My sister's son got very scared when he heard sounds from his parents' bedroom. He thought that dad was strangling mom, and he had a great fear of sleep, he was afraid to fall asleep. They even had to seek help from a psychologist to overcome the consequences.

Olga: Children in such situations really feel betrayed and abandoned. I remember how I heard sounds from my parents’ bedroom, and I realized what those sounds were, I was very offended by them - I don’t know why. I guess I was jealous of both of them.

If the child is 7 – 10 years old

It is likely that a child at this age has long known about the relationships between men and women. But since children talk to each other about sex, considering it a dirty and shameful activity, suddenly seeing an act of love from their parents can have a very deep impact on the child’s psyche. Children who have ever witnessed sex between their parents said later, in adulthood, that they felt resentment and anger at their parents, considering their actions unworthy and indecent. Much, if not everything, depends on the correct tactics that parents choose in a given situation.

First of all, you should calm down and pull yourself together. If you yell at a child at the moment, he will feel anger and unfair resentment. You should ask your child to wait for you in his room as calmly as possible. He needs more serious explanations than preschoolers. A serious conversation must take place, otherwise the child will feel an unpleasant feeling of disgust towards his parents. First of all, you need to ask your child what he knows about sex. His explanations must be supplemented, corrected, and directed in the right direction by mom or dad. It is worth briefly telling what happens between a woman and a man when they love each other very much - “They hug and kiss tightly. Sex is not dirty, it is an indicator of love between a man and a woman.” A child 8-10 years old can be offered special children's literature on the topics of relationships between men and women and the birth of children. The conversation should be as calm as possible; parents should not show that they are very ashamed and unpleasant to talk about this.

Maria: The main thing for a child of this age is to maintain respect for their parents, so there is no need to lie. There is also no need to delve into the description of sexual life - it is important to simply explain exactly what the child saw.

What to say to a child - teenager 11-14 years old?

As a rule, these children already have a very good idea of ​​what happens between two people - a man and a woman - in love and intimacy. But parents are not strangers, they are people whom the child trusts and from whom he takes as an example. Finding himself an involuntary witness to a parent's sexual intercourse, a teenager may blame himself and consider his parents to be very dirty, unworthy people. Often, children of this age begin to experience an inexplicable feeling of jealousy - “parents love each other, but they don’t care about him!”

This incident should become the starting point for a series of confidential and serious conversations with the child. He needs to be told that he is already big, and his parents can talk about their relationship. It should be emphasized that it is necessary to keep what happened a secret - but not because it is very shameful, but because this secret belongs only to two lovers, and no one has the right to reveal it to other people. It is necessary to talk with a teenager about puberty, about sex, about the relationship between a man and a woman, emphasizing that sex between loving people is normal.

Anna: I can’t imagine a situation where parents can behave so carelessly in front of older children. This story happened to my neighbor, a good friend, and the guy did not have a father - she had sex with another man, which aggravated the situation. The boy came home from school early, opened the doors, and the apartment was one-room... He ran away from home, they were looking for him until late in the evening, the boy and his mother were very sorry. But such stories should serve as a lesson to parents that they need to make sure that the doors are closed. Because it’s easier for a child to somehow explain doors that are tightly closed than to later explain and treat neuroses.

It is very important to explain to the child what he saw, truthfully and taking into account the child’s age. React calmly, because the child “reads” your state. And she may be struck not so much by the fact of what she saw as by your violent reaction to this event. In a family where love and trust reign, all moments of crisis pass in less pronounced forms.

Second: don't try to kick your child out the door, but don't scold him

Third: you need to immediately calm the child

Make a comparison between your love and your love for your child. You also caress and hug the child. But do not forget to voice the difference between showing the best feelings for a child and existing between spouses.

If you have to get dressed, do it naturally. As if you were just about to take your clothes.

Fourth: Talk to your child about sex right away.

This conversation is a good opportunity to give the child positive attitudes about family, about the beauty of the relationship between a man and his wife, focusing on Love! True information about sex and relationships between men and women will strengthen your friendship and trust in children and will not allow the “street” to distort such important information.

For children under three years old, it will be enough if you tell them that you love each other very much, that’s why they were loving and hugging each other. Here it is useful to remember when and at what age such relationships become possible.

It is also in your power to lay down a positive and healthy model for experiencing the feeling of love for the future. Tell your child that when she grows up, finishes kindergarten, school, university, and starts working, she will also definitely meet a person whom she will love very much and marry (get married) to her.

And in order to feel the warmth and love of a dear person, you will occupy and caress each other, as we do.
It is better for children aged 3.5-4 years and older to talk about intimate relationships in more detail. Because it is after 4 years that children begin to actively become interested in the genitals.

Usually such “research” takes place in kindergartens, and parents cannot control this in any way. Therefore, by this time it is better to form in the child a natural understanding of his body, about his origin.

Here it is recommended to use scientific names, concepts (for example, all boys have a penis, and girls have a vulva, a child is born through the vagina), etc.
Fostering a sexual culture in the future will be the key to rejecting vulgar street language. A confidential conversation with parents about sexual relations using scientific terms is like a certain vaccination for a child against unhealthy and increased sexual interest.

This interest is also weakened by boys and girls being naked together until the age of five.

Therefore, when telling older children about a piquant situation, focus on love and remind: “Dad and mom love each other very much, and in order to show their tenderness and affection, they hugged and caressed each other. They love each other and you so much that they want our family to have many loving children. Dad planted seeds for mom so that from them, like seeds, a child would one day be born. Just like you were once born (born). But nature works in such a way that not every seed grows into a plant. Also, not every seed produces a child, so they plant a lot of them.”

It is important to use similar words in conversation (seed-pome, child-plant) and later you can add schematic drawings, scientific names of the genital organs.

But do not overload your child with detailed information. Children have imaginative thinking, so it is better to later conduct a visual experiment by actually sowing wheat seeds in a pot with the child, for example, and showing how individual seeds germinate or do not germinate. It will be truthful and interesting.

Try to see the positive in any situation, no matter how difficult or piquant it may seem. Then it will be easier for you to cope with the situation, choose the right words and, by your own example, teach your children to look at the world positively and kindly.