Good afternoon My name is Olga and I HATE my job. A little background: I am 25 years old, I come from a small town and an ordinary family. She graduated from school with a gold medal and the Institute of Economics (Sharaga) with honors. About myself: I’m a perfectionist, but I don’t really believe in my own strengths, I often fall into despair.
This is my first job. Immediately after graduation, my mother, through an acquaintance, got me a job in Moscow as a secretary. They paid 35 thousand for all three years. I work in a good company, I sit at the reception, but in addition to tea and coffee, passes, I work with documents, work in the database, do a lot of comprehensive work ala “bring it, go, figure it out, set the mood, give it.”
I would like to note that I am an absolute introvert, and at work there are always people around me who are constantly nagging me about both business and nonsense, while trying to pin part of their work on me, a lot of nerves. Initially, I, having certain complexes of a provincial girl and an inexperienced girl, did everything and swallowed it. Now the situation is different - I have become aggressive towards some people, I am passive when doing things, I do the minimum, only what I have to do and can’t live without. There is no question of pleasure from work.
More than six months ago the situation turned this way. The head of one of the departments suggested that I move to his department. For me it was a great shock, happiness, hope. I hovered for a week, studied the nomenclature, did everything. I was not paid extra, but in the end a crisis began, and he said that for now they would not transfer me. In the end, my salary was raised by some 5 thousand rubles, while they added work to me (communication with suppliers, additional paperwork, etc.), which was simply unbearable to do in conditions where I was distracted. Result: resentment, even greater loss of self-confidence, hatred of everyone and everything, aggression, depression. I don’t want to talk to the manager - there’s definitely no point in that. I’m tired of waiting for them to take me to the department and transfer me to another position and to my corner with the reception. It turns out that I get no experience, no money, no pleasure from work.
Regarding the search for a new job: for the same money, as search practice has shown, they can only hire me as a secretary. Other professions require experience, and without experience the salary is a pittance, which excludes the possibility of paying for housing (I am tied to a monthly payment for a room).
I have developed a loser complex, I don’t know what to do and how to fix the situation, and at the same time I don’t understand at all how I want to work and with whom. I feel chained, pathetic, worthless. This greatly affected both my appearance and my personal life – globally. There is no strength for relationships, no desire and self-confidence. In the evenings for six months now I have been running home, locking myself in my room, drinking alone to relax.
Answer from theSolution psychologist:
You feel confused and worried about your future, you don’t understand what to do next and where to strive.
At the moment, it is important to rule out depression or begin its timely treatment.
Judging by the general tone of the letter, you are now in a low mood. You do not write about this directly, but it can be assumed that you have had this mood and feeling of depression for some time now and this leaves an imprint on your assessment of reality, and also reduces your ability to take active action. The letter reveals a negative assessment of one’s own past (the institution is “sharaga”), a negative attitude towards oneself (“pathetic, worthless”), and a lack of a sense of pleasure. Such statements make you think about whether you are depressed. Please check your condition on and on our website to rule out or confirm this hypothesis. If the Zung scale score is more than 56 points, then you should contact a psychiatrist for diagnosis and selection of adequate treatment. If the result is from 48 to 55 points, then you should contact a psychotherapist or psychologist to correct the subdepressive state.
The current situation is the result of personal immaturity, that is, neurosis
You did not independently search for and choose a place of work and passively agreed to what your mother found for you. When applying for employment, they did not take into account their desires and needs. This manifested learned helplessness, refusal of responsibility for one’s life and transfer of it into the hands of other people. The price of your refusal was to perform a large amount of uninteresting work without adequate compensation. The new manifestation of learned helplessness is that in the present moment you continued to endure the hard and uninteresting work, responding with passive-aggressive behavior, without making any effort to correct the situation.
Victim position and passive aggression
Passive-aggressive behavior is often demonstrated by people who are afraid of open conflict, but have high levels of unconscious aggression. Take the aggression level test and you will see that your aggression level is high enough. Passive-aggressive behavior is very common among individuals who are in the role of the Victim, just like you are now. You cannot say no when you are given additional responsibilities without proper compensation, because you are afraid that if you refuse, a conflict situation will arise and you will be rejected. Being in the position of the Victim, you do not need to do anything to improve the situation, since you can easily receive sympathy and not change anything. In order to continue to remain in the role of a helpless victim, you additionally began to become an alcoholic.
Neurosis is a cognitive impairment
One of the reasons you don't change jobs is fear of the future, of the unknown. You are scared at the thought that you may not be able to cope with the consequences of your own actions. Behind such fear are deeper and less conscious fears and beliefs, such as the belief that if you make the wrong choices, you will be rejected and unloved Until you try to change your life and you are for it.
You, like most people, have a problem with emotions and needs.
People who are not aware of their own desires and easily refuse to fulfill their needs are very easy to manipulate and use for their own purposes. You don’t understand what you want from life, from your work, what you are striving for, so you are stuck in an uninteresting and painful job with a low salary. Without awareness of your own needs, you cannot set goals for yourself; accordingly, you are marking time in one place, without realizing where you need to move and what to strive for.
A neurotic personality can become authentic with the help of psychotherapy
It is advisable for you to do the following:
- Determine your own wants and needs. Ask yourself the question often: What do I want? What do I want in this situation? How can I help resolve the situation to achieve what I want?
- Realize your fears and correct them.
- Identify the ones that are typical for you and correct them.
- Increase your self-esteem, praise yourself more often even for small achievements. Keep a diary of successes and accomplishments. Write down even seemingly insignificant achievements and regularly re-read past entries.
- Learn to defend your psychological boundaries, stop being afraid of conflicts, and learn to resolve them constructively. Learn to say “no” to manipulation and violation of your personal boundaries.
- Realize and abandon the role of the Victim and learned helplessness, which means that you need to take responsibility for your own life into your own hands.
- Study, read, analyze your thoughts, feelings, behavior, observe yourself.
- In order for you to carry out such work, you may need the help of a psychotherapist or psychologist. Our website describes thematic cycles for the most effective correction of neurotic disorders.
- Now you can begin to prepare to change your life and gather strength. To do this, try to give up what does not bring you real benefits, both moral and material.
- Carefully analyze what you are doing now that brings you pleasure, try to do these actions more often. Remember what brought you joy and pleasure before, try to resume such activities. This way you can structure your time: for example, instead of drinking alone, you can go for a walk or exercise.
- You have already determined for yourself the minimum that you can do at work without getting fired. Now make a list of the work, part of which can be approved by management, for which you can at least receive verbal encouragement. When you complete all the tasks on their first list, be sure to praise yourself and get some quality rest. After this, if you still have the strength and desire, you can do something from the second list and after each such action you must praise yourself, tell others about the result and accept encouragement. You will definitely be able to improve your life! All the best to you!
The situation is stalemate, of course. But let's try to figure it out.
Surprisingly, attitudes towards work also have a cultural connotation. Different cultures treat work differently: in Spain, in Israel, in the USA and in other countries, many people love their work and go to it with pleasure, rather getting upset if there is no work.
It has to do with goals and values.
In Russia, children are rarely explained why work is needed and why it is valuable. Why is it good to work, for example, as a baker or carpenter? Much more often, children are oriented either simply to financial success, or to some positions associated with power or social prestige: bosses, doctors, financiers, lawyers. Therefore, adults often suffer from the fact that their expectations and goals are not realized at work. In countries where it is simply important that you work and bring benefit to people, there is less disappointment in work.
It's important to ask yourself: why do I hate my job? I don't like the people I hang out with? I don't like what I do? Did I expect to lead a different lifestyle at my age? I came into this profession to do one thing, but I have to do something completely different?
And it seems important to me to start with the fact that many of us lack respect for our work. Am I doing something that is not a criminal offense and is generally aimed at improving life (mine or other people’s)? I'm great. This is already work. Maybe not the best, but valuable. At least for me. Yes, there are probably people who earn more than me and live more interesting, richer, better, more comfortable lives. But my work is important. If I don't respect him, what can I expect from others?
The second problem is relationships between people. Quite often, relationships in teams are not very pleasant, there are a lot of negative assessments, competition, and sluggish conflicts can smolder for years. Corporate activity and team building are most often perceived with aggression and resistance - there is no desire to get to know colleagues, get to know them and interact with them. But this is a very important point - people spend many hours in a team, and at least one friendly colleague with whom you can have lunch and chat near the kettle greatly relieves psychological stress.
My work is important. If I don't respect him, what can I expect from others?
Sometimes teams lack someone who could be friendly to everyone, who could organize activities, trips, events - just such that everyone would have fun. You can become such a person (if you want, of course).
If nothing at all, methods of psychological relief help: draw comics or write stories about your crazy serpentarium, publish a wall newspaper - even if only for yourself, support colleagues in battles against each other, mentally making bets on who will win. Mental distancing from the process of unpleasant actions or communications significantly reduces the level of irritation.
If there is a discrepancy in expectations from what I do and what I would like to do, in some cases it helps to go to study - either to improve my qualifications or to get a new profession. This, firstly, gives hope for changing the current situation, and secondly, it allows you to do something new and interesting. When in an art course someone says: “Lord, I’m so tired of working as a physics teacher!” - there will probably be someone who will sympathize and support, while in the school staff room there is a much higher probability of hearing - “We are all tired of it, and nothing is wrong - we are silent.”
Several times I had to work with blue-collar people with very good leadership and organizational skills. But the team was pulling them back - and they needed my help and support so that they decided to study and move on - to more complex, well-paid and interesting positions.
It’s not easy to answer the question “What are you doing there, studying? Do you consider yourself smarter than us? find the correct answer or refuse to go drinking with men on Friday night because you have an exam tomorrow. Nevertheless, it was studying that helped people eventually at least say to themselves: “Yes, I’m smarter than them and think more about my future, so it’s important for me to pass this exam.”
It is important to seek more support from friends and family. Of course, it happens that everything is not very good with their work - some of my clients said with amazement that they, in principle, had not met people who liked their work. One of the girls in the group was shocked to discover that she was the only one there who did not like her job - in her childhood and among her family members, work was a horror story that required sacrifice and suffering. For her, discovering people who love their work and go to work with pleasure was already a powerful incentive to start doing something to change her situation, because if an interesting job is not a utopia, but a really existing thing, then it makes sense to look for it.
However, if I can convey to my loved ones that I don’t like my job, but now I have to go to it and therefore need additional support, this can also help significantly. When another person nearby says: “I understand that you don’t like it, but you keep the whole family afloat” or “I sympathize with you, I hope the crisis in your area will end soon and you can find something new,” live it becomes more fun.
In conclusion, I would like to say that in most cases, working with a psychologist helps to increase well-being. Employees in Russia are often underpaid, their salaries have not been indexed for years, colleagues do not even try to develop and somehow improve the current situation, and those people who begin to defend themselves, take initiative, move forward and learn new things quickly gain a strategic advantage. In a number of cases, it helped my clients to simply ask for a review of salaries and responsibilities and not be afraid to express their needs not in the format of blackmail, but in the format of defending themselves.
One of the worst things that people usually say to themselves is “Where can I go?” Sometimes there are times when there is really nowhere to go. During such periods, it is important to work so that upon their completion, a direction for self-direction does appear.
There may come a time in every person’s life when thoughts come to mind: I hate my job, what should I do? First you need to figure out what caused this attitude towards work. Perhaps employees and management have changed, responsibilities have been added, or management flatly refuses to increase wages. Be that as it may, most likely, you are not so rich that you can afford to quit your job and sit at home, enjoying a quiet home environment, which means you need to look for ways to solve this problem. It is necessary to make a lot of effort to make the current work more bearable and bring moral satisfaction. The simplest thing you can do is find a new job. But you will always have time to take such a step, and first you can try to change something in your current work.
Reasons for a negative attitude towards work
to contentsI hate my job, what should I do?
to contentsStep 1: Take a vacation
According to statistics, for most people who are tired of work, a vacation helps them get back on track. Have a good time, let your body sleep until lunch, do housework, go on an excursion, go shopping. It doesn’t matter whether this vacation lasts only three days or two weeks, the main thing is that you will take a break from the hustle and bustle of work and get new impressions that will give you strength. After all, it’s not always a matter of bad work; perhaps you’re just tired.
to contentsStep 2. Analyze the situation
If after your vacation you continue to hate your job, then conduct a full analysis of the current situation. To do this, you only need paper and a pen. Write down all the pros and cons of your job, responsibilities, relationships between employees. Pay attention not only to the negative aspects, but also to the things you like. Do you have holidays or corporate events at work, do you receive a bonus for successfully completed work? Only such an analysis and counting of votes “for” and “against” will help to fully determine what needs to be changed. Sometimes the results of such a calculation may look like this: all the disadvantages are not related to the work itself, but may come from the field of activity. Therefore, if you find a new job in the same specialty, do not be surprised that you will continue to get tired of it and hate it.
to contentsStep 3: Ask for change
After analysis, think about what you can change. Talk to your employees, can someone take on some of your work in the “minus” category? Ask your boss to slightly change your work schedule or change your responsibilities. Colleagues are often the cause of all difficult situations at work. In this case, ask management to transfer you to another department. Changing a team with whom it is difficult for you to cooperate should have a beneficial effect on your future work activity. It should be noted that asking for change is quite difficult. The upcoming conversation with your superiors needs to be planned in advance. Clearly determine for yourself what results certain changes will bring. Under no circumstances should you assume the role of a person who is dissatisfied with everything and complains about his work. It is possible that a wave of complaints and dissatisfaction will cause a negative reaction from the manager. Let your boss know that you are a good and conscientious employee, whose changes in activities will bring fruitful results. The conversation should be tactful and should not be based on blaming and discussing other people. If the management ignored such a request, then it’s time to move on to step 5.
to contentsChange your field of activity!
to contentsStep 4: Try changing jobs
Think about it, what are you doing? The problem may not be in the current bustle of affairs, not in colleagues, but in the field of activity itself. It is very difficult to realize that the area to which you have devoted part of your life, education and career is completely unsuitable for you. Your internal attitude towards work will help you figure this out. Imagine a new workplace with friendly employees, a convenient schedule, a high salary, but with the responsibilities that you perform at your current job. As you know, psychologists distinguish five types of professions: bionomic (working with nature), technonomic (working with technology), socionomic (working with people), artonomic (working with artistic images) and signonomic (working with numbers, drawings). Is your type right for you? All kinds of psychological tests will help you understand your purpose and hobbies. If you are on the wrong road, it is not too late to find the right path. Take courses in the specialty you are interested in and evaluate your capabilities in a new field of activity.
Step 5. Leave correctly
If you are no longer able to work at your current job, you need to change it. There are situations when you are overwhelmed by the desire to write a letter of resignation, but you should refrain from such a temptation. Most often, you want to quit your job after another reprimand from your boss, deprivation of a bonus, or a quarrel with colleagues. You should never get excited. You need to develop a strategy for leaving on prepared ground so that dismissal does not affect your financial condition. When a clear decision has been made to find a new job, draw up a resume, post it on websites or send it to the relevant companies. Prepare mentally for the upcoming interview, gain new additional knowledge that can help you find a job in a new organization. These can be advanced training courses, PC courses, foreign language courses, design courses, etc., everything depends only on the field of current activity. Analyze what skills you will need in your new job. Sometimes the key point when applying for a job is the “crusts” of additional education, which show the future employee’s desire to learn. If you decide to quit without having any new job in mind, study the legislation. Every person recognized as unemployed is entitled to a social benefit. Knowledge of labor legislation and the conditions for payment of benefits will help maintain a more or less stable financial situation.
to contentsIs the risk of changing the field of activity justified?
As mentioned above, the reason for dislike of work may be the wrong choice of field of activity. Do you need to take the risk of quitting your old job in order to enjoy a new one? Most people will say “yes” without even thinking about what such a change actually means. Is it easy to get a position in a field that is so attractive? After all, people often do not have not only experience in this field, which is considered when applying for a job, but also education. There is a way out: additional correspondence education, and work first in the simplest position. It is quite possible that income will decrease significantly at first, because... the employer will look at you as an inexperienced employee. Will you be able to afford tuition fees if your salary is reduced? You risk facing financial difficulties and completely new responsibilities. But, as you know, all difficulties can be overcome if there is a desire.
Always plan for the future
Having solved problems at your old job or found a new one, you need to take care of your future. Unfortunately, there are no guarantees that this history will not repeat itself. Always put a certain amount of money into a deposit account, try not to take out anything on credit. Plan your financial future, do not spend money on unnecessary trifles, and think carefully about large purchases. When you solve your financial problems and create a certain amount of money, you will feel much more freedom of action. Remember that the price that is regularly paid for unloved work (stress, anger) can have more dire consequences than it seems at first glance. Negativity received from an unloved job disrupts sleep, psychological and emotional state. If you again find yourself thinking “I hate my job, what should I do?”, there is only one answer: you need to change something, not endure it.
There is nothing more depressing and hopeless than the alarm going off when it's time to go to a job you don't like.
The reason for not liking your job can be anything: a demanding boss, conflicts with employees, boredom and monotony, or destroyed ambitions. If you haven't decided to put your application on the table yet, there are several ways to ease your suffering.
Many people are stoic about their work, don’t love it, but don’t feel despair at the thought of another day. The bulk of a person's suffering comes from his own thoughts and beliefs. If you just hate your job, quit, but if you can't do that, instead of suffering, you can try to change your thoughts and your behavior.
Start a gratitude journal
Look at your work day, most likely there are some positive aspects to it. This could be fun get-togethers with employees during lunch breaks, interesting moments at work, the opportunity for fun, or even good coffee. Every day, write down in a journal (notepad, file) what you are grateful for in your work, and your life will begin to change.
The feeling of gratitude directly affects your feeling of happiness and teaches you to look for the positive aspects in any situation.
Take a break from work
Many people get used to working without rest or breaks, without even leaving the building for lunch. Take breaks, walk, breathe fresh air - half an hour of “freedom” will lift your mood and help you stay positive for the rest of the day.
Say what you think
Honest comments (expressed in a civil manner, of course) can change your career for the better. How often do you know that doing one way or another would be better, but don't say it out loud? Then, of course, you will receive moral satisfaction by mentally saying “I knew it,” but this will not affect your career in any way. Correct comments and suggestions will help you shine, and constructive criticism can be a very useful tool.
Treat your employees to tasty treats
If it is customary for you to drink tea in the office, you can bring something tasty for everyone. Firstly, it creates a relaxed atmosphere and makes people like you, and secondly, small acts of kindness keep you in a good mood.
Annoying employees are a gift.
If a certain employee or the entire team annoys you, do not rush to snap back and show your displeasure. Employees may be aggressive, lazy or stupid, but still each of them can teach you something.
The lesson from them may concern professional skills or just the psychology of relationships, but in any case you can learn something from them. After all, if your rabid employee seems completely useless, thanks to him you will learn patience and empathy.
Set goals that can be achieved
Often people burden themselves with various tasks and, failing to cope, feel insignificant and worthless. This is a fundamentally wrong approach: set yourself goals that you can achieve and check them off your list.
After reviewing the list of completed tasks, you will have a feeling of accomplishment and will have something to present to your superiors if any questions arise.
Don't be shy to ask for help
If you feel like you're not up to the task, just ask for help. Just think in advance how many people you need as assistants, to whom you decide to shift some of your responsibilities, and what you yourself will do during this time. That is, when approaching your superiors or a specific employee, you must clearly state your request in the form of a business proposal.
Break your stereotypes
Just try to behave differently, it won’t get any worse, right? If you have always been silent at conferences, try to actively participate in discussions and ask questions; if you have always criticized someone, try praising them; if you have been working at a crazy pace, try to relax and slow down a little.
Maybe by changing your behavior you will understand what really infuriated you about your work and you can change it.
Remember that there is always a choice
Think about what still leaves you in a job you don’t like? Fear of not finding an equally profitable and prestigious place? Maybe a debt to the company when “everything rests on you”? In any case, remember that you have a choice and if you don’t find a single positive feature in your work, it’s time to change it urgently.
Find an outlet
If you come home from work every day like a lemon and lose all your good mood, it may seem that you have no energy left for anything else. The paradox is that if you find something you love, an interesting and exciting hobby after work, your energy will not only not decrease, but on the contrary, it will increase. Sports, dancing, art, even just night walks - if work does not bring joy, then something must surely bring it, otherwise this is not life, but real hell.
Next time you come to work, look at it from the outside, try to turn off negative emotions and understand what exactly makes you hate it? Maybe, in fact, the roots of your hatred are not in your work, but in yourself?
There is nothing more depressing and hopeless than the alarm going off when it's time to go to a job you don't like.
The reason for not liking your job can be anything: a demanding boss, conflicts with employees, boredom and monotony, or destroyed ambitions. If you haven't decided to put your application on the table yet, there are several ways to ease your suffering.
Many people are stoic about their work, don’t love it, but don’t feel despair at the thought of another day. The bulk of a person's suffering comes from his own thoughts and beliefs. If you just hate your job, quit, but if you can't do that, instead of suffering, you can try to change your thoughts and your behavior.
Start a gratitude journal
Look at your work day, most likely there are some positive aspects to it. This could be fun get-togethers with employees during lunch breaks, interesting moments at work, the opportunity for fun, or even good coffee. Every day, write down in a journal (notepad, file) what you are grateful for in your work, and your life will begin to change.
The feeling of gratitude directly affects your feeling of happiness and teaches you to look for the positive aspects in any situation.
Take a break from work
Many people get used to working without rest or breaks, without even leaving the building for lunch. Take breaks, walk, breathe fresh air - half an hour of “freedom” will lift your mood and help you stay positive for the rest of the day.
Say what you think
Honest comments (expressed in a civil manner, of course) can change your career for the better. How often do you know that doing one way or another would be better, but don't say it out loud? Then, of course, you will receive moral satisfaction by mentally saying “I knew it,” but this will not affect your career in any way. Correct comments and suggestions will help you shine, and constructive criticism can be a very useful tool.
Treat your employees to tasty treats
If it is customary for you to drink tea in the office, you can bring something tasty for everyone. Firstly, it creates a relaxed atmosphere and makes people like you, and secondly, small acts of kindness keep you in a good mood.
Annoying employees are a gift.
If a certain employee or the entire team annoys you, do not rush to snap back and show your displeasure. Employees may be aggressive, lazy or stupid, but still each of them can teach you something.
The lesson from them may concern professional skills or just the psychology of relationships, but in any case you can learn something from them. After all, if your rabid employee seems completely useless, thanks to him you will learn patience and empathy.
Set goals that can be achieved
Often people burden themselves with various tasks and, failing to cope, feel insignificant and worthless. This is a fundamentally wrong approach: set yourself goals that you can achieve and check them off your list.
After reviewing the list of completed tasks, you will have a feeling of accomplishment and will have something to present to your superiors if any questions arise.
Don't be shy to ask for help
If you feel like you're not up to the task, just ask for help. Just think in advance how many people you need as assistants, to whom you decide to shift some of your responsibilities, and what you yourself will do during this time. That is, when approaching your superiors or a specific employee, you must clearly state your request in the form of a business proposal.
Break your stereotypes
Just try to behave differently, it won’t get any worse, right? If you have always been silent at conferences, try to actively participate in discussions and ask questions; if you have always criticized someone, try praising them; if you have been working at a crazy pace, try to relax and slow down a little.
Maybe by changing your behavior you will understand what really infuriated you about your work and you can change it.
Remember that there is always a choice
Think about what still leaves you in a job you don’t like? Fear of not finding an equally profitable and prestigious place? Maybe a debt to the company when “everything rests on you”? In any case, remember that you have a choice and if you don’t find a single positive feature in your work, it’s time to change it urgently.
Find an outlet
If you come home from work every day like a lemon and lose all your good mood, it may seem that you have no energy left for anything else. The paradox is that if you find something you love, an interesting and exciting hobby after work, your energy will not only not decrease, but on the contrary, it will increase. Sports, dancing, art, even just night walks - if work does not bring joy, then something must surely bring it, otherwise this is not life, but real hell.
Next time you come to work, look at it from the outside, try to turn off negative emotions and understand what exactly makes you hate it? Maybe, in fact, the roots of your hatred are not in your work, but in yourself?
