13.02.2011, 14:54
13.02.2011, 15:06
what to do? I’m tired of my husband, I’m fed up with everyday life, my children are lovely, against the backdrop of everything, I don’t know if there is love anymore, but I have no desire to get a divorce. Yes, and he won’t give me a divorce. There is no point in going to a local “listener” for a canceling session; I don’t know what to say, and I don’t believe that he will understand. What options might I have?
Maybe the key phrase is - everyday life is stuck? Is it possible to hire someone to look after the children and go somewhere with your husband to unwind?
13.02.2011, 16:43
get a divorce.
After the divorce you will understand whether it was worth doing.
13.02.2011, 19:18
what to do? I’m tired of my husband, I’m fed up with everyday life, my children are lovely, against the backdrop of everything, I don’t know if there is love anymore, but I have no desire to get a divorce. Yes, and he won’t give me a divorce. There is no point in going to a local “listener” for a canceling session; I don’t know what to say, and I don’t believe that he will understand. What options might I have?
Wait. It could just be a spring flare-up, when you want to break everything and start over. It may pass. If this state has been around for a long time, then it doesn’t matter - it’s too early to get a divorce. You haven’t really been pressed yet, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked for advice “what to do.” What does “no divorce” mean? Is this possible?
13.02.2011, 19:41
If you don’t want to get a divorce, don’t get a divorce. You haven’t met anyone else, so why be lonely. if you have a normal relationship and you feel comfortable?! For children, again, a complete family is better, but this is your business, of course... family life is not a honeymoon, of course it gets boring sooner or later. There is also respect, some common interests anyway.
13.02.2011, 21:26
what to do? I’m tired of my husband, I’m fed up with everyday life, my children are lovely, against the backdrop of everything, I don’t know if there is love anymore, but I have no desire to get a divorce. Yes, and he won’t give me a divorce. There is no point in going to a local “listener” for a canceling session; I don’t know what to say, and I don’t believe that he will understand. What options might I have?
Separate the flies from the cutlets, find your paradigm of family relationships.
The current goal of the family is raising children - outline the obligations. This will (and should) bind you. The rest - take as much freedom as you can give to your husband.
And then think about what opportunities (financial and moral) you have to realize your freedoms: different rooms, floors, apartments, houses.
Something like that. It's a little dry in the scheme, but in practice it's fun. Does not require painful divorces, reflection, etc.
13.02.2011, 23:52
Is there any point in changing anything?
13.02.2011, 23:54
14.02.2011, 00:43
If you want to change the situation, and you want it to work out, then all is not lost.
And if there is no desire to change anything, and one does not believe in the positive outcome of this event, then everything will end sadly in the end anyway.
14.02.2011, 03:35
eh. I now want to get a divorce. I tell him, and he almost bursts into tears. blackmails the child, says “I must endure for his sake.”
14.02.2011, 15:47
14.02.2011, 17:33
Get a lover! If a month or two after the establishment of this you do not understand that your husband is the best in the world - get a divorce. If, of course, finances allow.
Yes, and when the husband finds out about his lover, he himself will want to get a divorce. :)
14.02.2011, 18:02
14.02.2011, 18:56
Well, if she doesn’t post photos on the Internet, then no one will know :)). A married woman should be careful when starting an affair on the side, even have a different mobile phone number so that she doesn’t call a hundred times a day. Give more information about your new hobby , we’ll give you some advice. We’ll look at his karma and clean out the channels. :))
Why channels?... :shy67:
14.02.2011, 20:12
You definitely need to voice it to your husband, otherwise he might be sitting and not letting on that you feel uncomfortable. It happens at a certain stage of life together, it seems like a normal person is not a brute, but life with him is not enjoyable. and if the two of you try to diversify it, it will be more fun.
Figure skater
15.02.2011, 12:41
Get yourself a hobby, and an active hobby. Take a break....for a while
Figure skater
15.02.2011, 12:43
Yes, and when the husband finds out about his lover, he himself will want to get a divorce. :)
15.02.2011, 17:28
what if he doesn’t want to? and then there will be a theme: the husband is tired, the lover too, the children are lovely, etc... and so on in a circle until it goes into circulation...
If she doesn’t want to get a divorce after learning about her lover, will she be a cuckold or maybe have three sexes? And the author will change his mind about getting a divorce?
Figure skater
15.02.2011, 17:46
If she doesn’t want to get a divorce after learning about her lover, will she be a cuckold or maybe have three sexes? And the author will change his mind about getting a divorce?
In a Whisper: A Good Leftist Strengthens a Marriage
15.02.2011, 17:51
whisper: a good leftist strengthens a marriage
Or he will walk with blue eyes
Figure skater
16.02.2011, 11:09
Or he will walk with blue eyes
It’s better to wear a red riding hood, or at least in a nurse’s outfit - maybe then the problem will resolve itself :))
Figure skater
16.02.2011, 11:20
Oh dear, I'm laughing, you're all advising here from your own experience, but that's what I understand?.. that's all right
and then why are you outraged that they are now offering you sex on the Internet?
Do you think it would be better to give an example from classical Russian literature??
Tamer
16.02.2011, 11:26
Do you think it’s better to give an example from classical Russian literature??
I don’t love my husband, my lover doesn’t love me, my son by my side, I’ll lay under the train...:vis33:
No, of course, you had to think with your head and not with your ass in front of who and whom you were going to marry.
16.02.2011, 11:51
no, of course, you had to think with your head and not with your ass in front of who and whom you were going to marry.
"Boris, you're wrong" (c)
Figure skater
16.02.2011, 11:57
"Boris, you're wrong" (c)
It is impossible to think through everything in life. Circumstances, priorities, people change in the end
1
16.02.2011, 12:00
I agree with A-ta 100%, in order to lose something, you must first find it, in order to compare, you must have a comparison.
There is no point in living and enduring for the sake of children, children will not appreciate it, and then you will reproach them for the rest of your life: they say I suffered because of you, but I put my best years on you, you freak. I lived with a drunk from binge to binge , from encodings to encodings, because when I wasn’t on a binge, everything was fine, and I was too lazy to change anything. But in the end I left and met the one everyone dreams of. But at that moment I was not ready to leave , because he was not ready to leave and it so happened that we left our exes at the same time and fate decreed that we met.
According to the laws of physics, every void must be filled (somehow). The main thing is to have a job, because... if she is not there, then there is no money, and if there is no money, then where should she go, if only to a lonely friend.
16.02.2011, 12:04
1
sometimes people just outgrow each other, especially if the marriage is early
Even if it is not early, life still changes. As someone wise said: “You have to run very fast to stay in place.” One is running, and the other is running, but at the wrong speed or in the wrong direction... and what to do? And then... love, or falling in love, has a way of ending and no one taught how to live after that... For the sake of the children... or for the sake of yourself?
16.02.2011, 12:07
even if it is not early, life still changes. As someone wise said: “You have to run very fast to stay in place.” One is running, and the other is running, but at the wrong speed or in the wrong direction... and what to do? And then... love, or falling in love, has a way of ending and no one taught how to live after that... For the sake of the children... or for the sake of yourself?
16.02.2011, 12:11
It seems to me that you are confusing unbearability with ordinary family life, when several years have passed and there is no such intensity of passions. it won’t happen after some time, but that doesn’t mean that people can’t be happy together for many years. Everyone just has their own expectations from marriage.
But if a husband beats or drinks, or has a mistress, this is not at all the same as if he is tired of the fact that he eats the same breakfast every Sunday, but he is so attentive that everything is ok!
I also had a funny husband, and I was not interested in living in the long term. but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to get a divorce at once. Will you meet another unearthly love, and after a few years, “everyday life is boring” again, so you’ll run from husband to husband?
It’s good to find someone you wouldn’t want to run from, with whom you’d like to spend the rest of your days, with whom it would be interesting to just sit next to... to talk or not is not important. Someone whose dreams, goals in life and values, and simply this path in life - coincided - didn’t they?
16.02.2011, 12:14
It’s good to find someone you wouldn’t want to run from, with whom you’d like to spend the rest of your days, with whom it would be interesting to just sit next to... to talk or not is not important. Someone whose dreams, goals in life and values, and simply this path in life - coincided - didn’t they?
Otherwise :)
so maybe this is it? but there is no love.
16.02.2011, 12:16
falling in love ends, but love may not! besides, who canceled interesting conversations and walks in countryside with her beloved (?) husband 30 years after the wedding?
So I say that some people get a thrill from walking, while others at this time prefer to watch TV or sit quietly on the Internet... the main thing is not to get upset, because the whole week is a struggle for survival and a piece of bread and butter , and on weekends there is no time for walks in the sun. And you seem to empathize, but you move away even more
Tamer
16.02.2011, 12:17
Figure skater
16.02.2011, 12:23
falling in love ends, but love may not! besides, who canceled interesting conversations and walks in countryside with her beloved (?) husband 30 years after the wedding?
Love also changes... grows and matures just like us. And if people go through difficult times, then either love is reborn into the next hypostasis or it dies and people disperse. You always need to give one more chance, and you also need to be able to forgive mistakes, although I never learned to do this
16.02.2011, 12:24
how interesting. On the brotherhood I remember a thread one of the men said that my wife had left and I was looking for a mistress for 3 days, how indignant everyone was.
take 2 - the wife is already writing, the husband is tired of what to do. Everyone quickly advised me to find a lover. Tell me, what’s the difference between that situation and this one?.. everyone there criticized him so much, it’s just terrible. I'm purely interested.
So the author is not looking for a lover for 3 days, like Veslo, but... rather, he is sharing. I’m also interested, because the same thoughts excite me. My upbringing doesn’t allow me to have a lover while my husband is alive, but life is just that... tick-tock... Oh... I have to go to work - otherwise I’ll think of something else that would be a sinful thing...
Figure skater
16.02.2011, 12:24
how interesting. On the brotherhood I remember a thread one of the men said that my wife had left and I was looking for a mistress for 3 days, how indignant everyone was.
take 2 - the wife is already writing, the husband is tired of what to do. Everyone quickly advised me to find a lover. Tell me, what’s the difference between that situation and this one?.. everyone there criticized him so much, it’s just terrible. I'm purely interested.
The eternal question - a man is called a ladies' man, and a woman is a prostitute... and where is the justice: sweetheart:
16.02.2011, 12:33
It seems to me that you are confusing unbearability with ordinary family life, when several years have passed and there is no such intensity of passions. it won’t happen after some time, but that doesn’t mean that people can’t be happy together for many years. Everyone just has their own expectations from marriage.
But if a husband beats or drinks, or has a mistress, this is not at all the same as if he is tired of the fact that he eats the same breakfast every Sunday, but he is so attentive that everything is ok!
I also had a funny husband, and I was not interested in living in the long term. but that doesn’t mean everyone needs to get a divorce at once. Will you meet another unearthly love, and after a few years, “everyday life is boring” again, so you’ll run from husband to husband?
Someone may not be satisfied with sex (there is a lack of sincerity and affection) - then either go to a family therapist or a lover. Thrilling sensations - you can engage in extreme sports (or have a lover).
In general, I think that it would be the stupidest thing for the author to divorce her husband. Once you have a child, you need to think through all your moves more carefully, but again, you can’t calculate everything. Where is Chichi's girlfriend? her signature was about marriage and the lottery (although some people, having won the lottery, manage to screw it all up)
16.02.2011, 12:34
how interesting. On the brotherhood I remember a thread one of the men said that my wife had left and I was looking for a mistress for 3 days, how indignant everyone was.
take 2 - the wife is already writing, the husband is tired of what to do. Everyone quickly advised me to find a lover. Tell me, what’s the difference between that situation and this one?.. everyone there criticized him so much, it’s just terrible. I'm purely interested.
Women's solidarity:D
16.02.2011, 12:48
what if he doesn’t want to? and then there will be a theme: the husband is tired, the lover too, the children are lovely, etc... and so on in a circle until it goes into circulation...
Everyday life is boring, infuriating, annoying. Who hasn't experienced such emotions? And still he returned to the pots and dirty laundry - life is eternal. This means that you need to change your attitude towards him so that it becomes more comfortable. Here are some tips on how to organize everyday life without going crazy from routine and boredom.
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Photo gallery: How to change your attitude towards household chores so that everyday life does not become a routine
Tip 1. Be philosophical about men’s sloppiness and their partner’s reluctance to keep the house in perfect order
That's how they are created, these men. For example, experts say that they have a sense of smell that is not only weaker, but more tolerant of pungent odors. The unbearable, in our opinion (or smell) stench irritates a man much less (and even invigorates). That’s why the collection of socks under the sofa drives us crazy, but our partner doesn’t notice or feel it. At the genetic level, the embedded habit of caring first of all about the safety of oneself and family (after all, an insidious enemy or predator can sneak up at any moment) requires that everything necessary that may be needed for this is always at hand, and not laid out somewhere there. shelves. So for a partner, a complaint about things that were not put in the right place is just a petty quibble. If you take this into account and do not regard every dirty T-shirt thrown on the back of a chair, and not in the laundry basket, as another sabotage directed against you personally and the order in the house, then a significant portion of everyday irritation will be avoided. But there are representatives of the stronger sex who wash their plates, clean their shoes, and wash their socks?! Yes, such men do exist. Usually in large cities. According to some reports, their number is even growing and is already... a little less than 1%.
Tip 2. Get rid of the misconception that you are sitting on your husband’s neck if you are a housewife
According to experts, washing (even if you have a machine, there are always things that need to be washed by hand) is equivalent to the work of a tractor driver, ironing - to the work of a bricklayer. While running a house, you have to alternately become a nanny, a cook, a dishwasher, a waitress, a laundress, a nurse, a maid, a designer... And even master male professions like a plumber (the faucet is leaking - you have to repair it in an emergency) or a loader ( lifting a stroller with a child to the 5th floor without an elevator is not an easy task). And everything is free, one might say, for food. By the way, American experts have found out that if you draw up an estimate of the work performed by a woman during the day and charge at average rates for each item, then her monthly earnings will exceed the income of her working husband by 2-3 times. If we translate into our money, then the housewife does not bring in, but saves 70-80 thousand rubles for the family every month. And this can be checked by inviting a nurse to a sick child, a cook to prepare lunches and dinners, a cleaning lady, a tutor who will help the child with homework, a driver to take him to school and to clubs, etc. Such arithmetic. Do it with your husband, and the myth of “staying” at home while he works will be dispelled once and for all.
Tip 3. Involve family members to actively participate in solving everyday problems
Let's be honest, historically men are not designed for household chores. For thousands of years they solved completely different problems: they fought, hunted, plowed, mowed... They, of course, are glad that the scientific and technological revolution freed them from grueling hard physical work, but they have to come to terms with the fact that now they have to grate carrots and scrub tiles and bathroom, it’s very difficult for them. "This is not a man's business." Therefore, you will have to constantly force them one way or another: convince, persuade, push, order - each has its own approach. But you need to understand that the task is not to force your partner to do the housework instead of you, but to divide the responsibilities so that you can run the house together. Only if this load is divided approximately in half will you feel that the discomfort associated with solving annoying everyday problems is becoming less and less. In addition, it has been established that voluntary joint household work (Sunday cleaning or cooking dinner) works to strengthen the couple and can even bring genuine pleasure.
Tip 4. Turn household chores from chores into fun
And at the same time with a high utility coefficient! In fact, whether to do homework with a feeling of tired doom or fun and excitement - the choice is always ours. For example, try playing a game called spring cleaning. When a wife in a bikini is vacuuming under deafening rhythmic music, the husband will not duck out of the house under some pretext and will not lie indifferently on the sofa. Of course, if you are cleaning an apartment with children, the erotic concept of the event is not suitable. But elements of fun, creativity, and competition are quite acceptable. Moreover, they will help turn routine dinner preparation or cleaning into an exciting culinary duel or a fun Moidodyr holiday. It is very important to correctly present and name the upcoming housework. The words “washing”, “ironing”, “cleaning”, “cooking” themselves evoke melancholy. Calls: “Give me 100 dumplings!” or "Cooking party. Everyone is invited!" sound much more optimistic and enticing. I really want to take part in this. Without a doubt, “Disk cleaning in the style of the 90s” will gather more willing, energetic helpers than boring wandering around the apartment with a desperately roaring vacuum cleaner.
Tip 5. Convince yourself that housework is useful
Many of us like to mention that household chores are a thankless task, which results in them losing value, devaluing their efforts, and frustrating themselves. But the household members are happy to devour deliciously prepared dishes at a beautifully set table... Perhaps the efforts of the housewife remain behind the scenes, but the result cannot be ignored. In addition, housekeeping, as scientists have found, also improves health. According to the results of a study conducted by the Scottish Cancer Center, which involved 300 thousand women from 9 European countries over 7 years, it was found that daily cleaning reduces the risk of breast cancer.
Tip 6. Reduce perfectionism
An overly zealous zeal to keep the house in exemplary order and turn it into a temple of purity drives out of it the comfort and charm that distinguish someone else's official home from the warm one of our own. Some housewives rub and wash everything so fervently that even their loved ones are afraid to disturb the cleanliness and order in the apartment, preferring to stay late at school and at work. So for whom are they even trying if they don’t carry their loved ones home? There is, of course, no limit to perfection. But everyday maximalism does not lead to success and does not contribute to mental balance. No matter how frenzied the struggle for order in the house may be, a perfectionist housewife will never experience complete satisfaction from the result. It will always seem to her that her household does not appreciate her efforts and does not take care of cleanliness. We must finally allow ourselves to relax...
Experts have long established that children who grow up “under the hood,” that is, in a sterile environment, are more susceptible to harmful microbes. And the pursuit of the ideal in most cases turns into disappointment, mortal fatigue, loss of self-confidence and undermining of the nervous system.
Tip 7. Optimize business processes
If you do not neglect the achievements of science, then everyday life becomes less burdensome and more exciting. And also, so that everyday life does not put pressure, it is necessary to systematize it, correctly distribute energy and time. And they are inversely proportional - the more time we spend on some household operation, the less energy remains for other household chores. One of the time-saving tricks is organizing your belongings.
If every item has its own place (detergent under the bathroom, phone chargers in the top drawer of the dresser), then searching for what you need takes minimal time. Another way to save time is to not do what you don't need to do. For example, don’t spend the whole weekend crawling around with a brush on the carpet, but take it to the dry cleaner. If you remove everything unnecessary from your home, you will spend much less time on housekeeping.
