“I’m shy about people” is a problem that many people face. And although the younger generation most often suffers from it, some adults, to one degree or another, also experience it. In this article I will tell you about how to stop being shy about people and never do this again, and also forever get rid of any other types of shyness, if you have any.

First of all, it should be said about why some people generally begin to be shy about other people. Like any personal psychological problem, the roots of people’s embarrassment grow from experienced episodes of the past.

• Firstly, we all encounter various unpleasant situations in our interactions with others, which sometimes result in pain, fear, tears, embarrassment, shame, resentment, and other negative emotions and states. As a result, trying not to encounter negativity anymore, we begin to avoid certain situations and people themselves, and one day this may result in a stable personality trait - shyness.
• Secondly, throughout our lives we perceive a huge amount of information, some of which we transform into our opinions, beliefs, postulates, and we set restrictions and prohibitions for ourselves based on it. And so, for example, you can receive an instruction from your parents not to communicate with strangers, since they can be dangerous. Even if such an attitude was given long ago in childhood and with good intentions, but, unfortunately, it persists in the head and continues to influence today’s communication with strangers, causing fear and shyness. Or you can, following someone else, begin to consider shyness a “good positive” quality, in contrast to the “bad” quality - arrogance. Well, of course, we are good, not bad, so we are embarrassed. :)
• Sometimes we simply unwittingly copy shyness from someone close to us - we observe and adopt their behavior patterns, reactions, emotions. Remember your parents, other relatives, your close social circle from childhood - maybe one of them is shy around people or was shy before?

The reasons for shyness, of course, are also individual for everyone, but one way or another, for everyone they lie in the past, or rather in the domestic garbage, which was formed as a result of what was once experienced - a subconscious memory of experienced negative states and emotions, developed fears, apprehensions, phobias, limiting beliefs, all sorts of internal prohibitions and other rubbish. It is all this mental garbage that needs to be dealt with in order to finally stop being shy about people.

How to free yourself from internal garbage and stop being shy about people

To "I'm shy around people" has turned from a problem into an empty phrase, you need to take a closer look at your past and sort through the rubble of all the rubbish that it gave birth to in you. And although it is impossible to change your past, you can completely eliminate its influence - and this will be more than enough to defeat embarrassment in relation to people and, in general, completely over any psychological problem.

The best way to eliminate the influence of the past and cleanse yourself of all internal debris is with the help of subconscious, and here's why:

1. It is there, in the depths of your subconscious, that information about every episode of your life is stored. After all, much is no longer in the memory, but everything is in the subconscious!
2. The subconscious is not only a repository of data about your life, but also a very useful tool! With the help of the subconscious, you can not only find any episodes from your past (including even the first days of life), but also, by setting a special algorithm, process them so that the negativity associated with these episodes and all the internal garbage generated by them completely disappears. At the same time, you don’t need to remember any episodes; you just need to point them out to your subconscious.
3. The incredible computing power of the subconscious allows you to carry out a huge amount of work - you can remove the garbage that interferes with your life in whole cars, rather than throwing it out individually. So, for example. you can give your subconscious a command to immediately work through all the episodes in which someone hurt you, or all those in which you could not do something because of your embarrassment of people. The subconscious will very clearly find all such episodes and process them to perfection! Moreover, in the background, unnoticed, which does not in any way interfere with your business.

Working through the past - this is not memory erasing. Your memories will remain safe and sound. It’s just that if you previously remembered some situations with unpleasant emotions or tried not to think about something in the past at all, then after processing you will be able to replay even the most terrible traumatic situations in your head without any negativity. Gradually, you will no longer have any desire to delve into your past. Finally you can live here and now. :)

All you need to put your subconscious to work is to instruct it to process a particular problem using a special algorithm. The algorithm is contained in instructions, each of which needs to be read only once and activated with a key phrase. And then return to your business and get results. :)

There are already many such instructions (protocols) aimed at solving a variety of problems - various types of shyness, all sorts of fears, uncertainty, money problems, relationship problems and so on. You will also be able to create protocols yourself to solve your narrower problems, if suddenly something is not among the ready-made materials.

A unique technique that combines the above-described approach to working on oneself and contains ready-made instructions for solving a wide variety of personal problems is called Turbo Suslik. It is very easy to use and does not take much time, but it requires a serious attitude to work. You will find a detailed description of this system for working on yourself in the book-guide by Dmitry Leushkin “Turbo-Gopher. How to stop fucking yourself up and start living". On our website you can download this book for free in PDF format:

I will emphasize one important point - while working through your past in order to stop being shy about people, you should also not forget about all your other problems. Even if shyness is the most important thing for you at the moment, you need to work on yourself comprehensively on all problems. This need is caused by the interconnectedness of everything in the human psyche, in which it is impossible to deal with one thing without dealing with everything that is nearby.

Even if you are very embarrassed to communicate, talk with people, ask them something or talk about something, you are embarrassed to look into their eyes, make acquaintances, even just be among people - all this will remain in the past if you are serious about yourself work using the Turbo-Suslik system.

Read what those who have already solved a bunch of their problems using the Turbo-Suslik system write, including crowding of people.

Hi all. This post is dedicated to how to stop being shy and timid in a variety of situations. In this article, I will explain why you should not be shy and give a number of practical recommendations on how to get rid of this personality trait.

Almost from early childhood, until recently, I was very shy and because of this I experienced many difficulties in interacting with other people and it was difficult for me to achieve many goals.

At the moment, I have achieved good results in the fight against my deficiency and am happy to reap the benefits of getting rid of it.

Why you need to get rid of shyness

The fact is that shyness is a very unpleasant and, moreover, completely unnecessary quality, which should definitely be gotten rid of. It is unnecessary because, absolutely, it doesn’t give us anything, but only takes away. Let’s take, for example, some other human quality, let it be fear of something, fear. On the one hand, because of fear, we risk losing many opportunities, since we will never decide on anything important because of our eternal fear. On the other hand, fear protects us from unnecessary risks: we are afraid of dangerous situations and therefore avoid them, unless we consider the risk justified. Fear has both a negative function and a positive, protective one, I wrote about this in the article how to get rid of fear.

The same cannot be said about shyness. If we follow this feeling, then we are simply deliberately depriving ourselves of many valuable prospects. We are afraid to approach the person we like and get to know each other. We do not start an unpleasant but important conversation with our friend and, thereby, delay solving the problem and aggravate the situation. We are afraid to approach our bosses and demand a reasonable salary increase.

In general, we are simply giving up something: pleasant acquaintances, promising opportunities, achieving our goals and realizing our desires! And for what? For the sake of some feeling that sits inside us. What do we get in return? Absolutely nothing.

Shyness does not protect us from anything bad, it does not help us in any way. It only limits our capabilities and cultivates other harmful personal characteristics: self-doubt, weakness of character, susceptibility to the influence of others. Timid people are easy to manipulate because they are afraid to firmly defend their positions, defend their own opinions and, in the face of a stronger person, become timid, allowing the latter to impose its will on them.

Shyness has a negative effect on others

Your shyness causes both instinctive and conscious rejection in others. Moreover, it may seem to you that you are very sensitive, polite and tactful, you never allow yourself anything unnecessary and do not bother other people over trifles and, thereby, produce the most positive effect on them.

Although, in fact, it turns out that you create exactly the opposite impression. Excessive timidity and shyness are a demonstration of some kind of weakness and, as a result, do not bribe other people. At best, you will simply form a not the best opinion about yourself. At worst, someone will take advantage of your shyness or simply treat you in a less polite manner, since you have already shown that you can tolerate such treatment.

Ingratiating politeness, careful tact, excessive gentleness in communication, ignoring uncomfortable but necessary topics in conversation do not speak of you as a self-confident, independent person.
For example, girls and women give their preference to those representatives of the opposite sex who show the greatest persistence and even a little arrogance in dealing with them.

Therefore, blushing in front of a girl is not only wrong, from the point of view that embarrassment does not allow you to control yourself, and you can blurt out something unnecessary, but also strategically unacceptable from the perspective of achieving the desired result!

And this is true not only for dating members of the opposite sex, but also for communicating with all people! You should not elevate your shortcomings to advantages. Shyness is a bad quality, it hinders you and creates many problems on your way. How to get rid of it will be discussed further.

Getting rid of shyness

What is shyness? This is an unpleasant feeling that arises in you during what you consider awkward situations. And, in order not to experience this feeling, you may want to avoid those situations that cause it. For example, you always put off an important conversation with a relative, you can’t decide to approach the girl you like, you’re afraid to ask some uncomfortable questions, the answers to which you’d still like to hear.

And all this happens because you do not want to experience the emotional discomfort that, inside your mind, is strongly associated with such moments. That is, shyness is an internal phenomenon, not an external one. Although not everyone fully understands this and unconsciously connects their reluctance to create uncomfortable situations with some external circumstances: what others will think about them, how acceptable this is in society, how they will look, etc.

Thinking like this is a big mistake, and it is because of it that you may experience great difficulties. I'll explain now. First of all, in order to stop being shy, you need to strive not to completely get rid of such a feeling as timidity, but to learn to tolerate it and act in spite of it.

Shyness is just a feeling

And for this to work, you need to learn to recognize shyness solely as a phenomenon of the emotional world, your body’s reaction to an external situation, a common feeling of mental discomfort that will pass just as it began.

Before you get an injection against any infection, you understand that it needs to be done. You do not run or hide from the doctor just because you have to be patient a little, since it concerns your health. In short, the expectation of unpleasant sensations does not force you not to do what you absolutely need to do. Then why can shyness make you timid and cowardly in the face of an uncomfortable situation? After all, the feelings of awkwardness and shame that are so familiar to you are just some kind of sensation of discomfort, the same light and quick pain, only mental, which you must learn to endure if you want to achieve your goal.

It can be difficult for you to deal with shyness, because you think about it not as a feeling that you will experience in an unpleasant situation, but as a chain of some external phenomena: what if I seem funny, how I will look, but is it really so? possible, etc.

These external events turn into obstacles for you to achieve your goals. And in order to mentally remove these obstacles, it is necessary to mentally reduce all the awkwardness of the situation to a banal emotional reaction to some event!

How to stop being shy about girls or guys

As an example, I will take a situation in which a lot of people might feel awkward. Do you want to meet a girl or guy, but are embarrassed to come up and talk. If you start to doubt, “what if she/he doesn’t like me”, “what if I look stupid”, “what if...”, “what if...”, then you will never approach and miss your chance.

The right attitude should be: “I will approach her/him because I want it, and no matter how insignificant the chances of success may be, the attempt is still not torture, and I have absolutely nothing to lose, I just might experience a feeling of awkwardness in this situation, which is nothing more than an unpleasant emotion, but for the sake of the likelihood of achieving the result I need, I am ready to tolerate this feeling a little.”

Add to this: “I shouldn’t be shy, it scares people away and reduces my chances of success.”

If your mind continues to doubt, continue to reduce everything only to your sensations, and not to the properties of the external world:

“I will look stupid in someone’s eyes...” replace with “I will have the feeling that I look stupid, which is just an unpleasant feeling that will pass just as it appeared.”

“They will laugh at me” replace with “Even if suddenly, someone finds something funny in my attempts to get acquainted (and why at all?), so what, I will be unpleasant because of this, but it’s worth tolerating this slight mental discomfort for the sake of what I want to achieve.”

Shyness is deception

Do you know what important metamorphosis took place here? You have reduced all the variety of supposedly unsolvable problems that your mind draws to you (the likelihood of looking stupid, unfavorable views of others, the imaginary groundlessness of your claims to someone’s attention, etc.) to one problem that can be solved simply by ignoring it!

This makes it much easier to decide on something! Moreover, I did not propose here some clever method that is designed to trick your brain and force you to do something that you do not want to do. It is obvious that timidity, shyness, in its essence, is nothing more than a fear of unpleasant emotional sensations, disguised by the mind as a fear of something external, objective.

Rather, you are deceiving yourself when you build some kind of inflated barriers on the basis of this feeling, not wanting to see it as simply reckless fear. In short, you do not act wisely and correctly when you follow the lead of your timidity (after all, you are in absolutely no danger in these awkward situations!) and, in order to calm yourself down and lull the vigilance of your mind, you instinctively come up with a bunch of excuses for your indecisiveness. This is deception!

And to get rid of it, you must perceive shyness for what it really is - an unpleasant emotional reaction to external circumstances and that's it! Always think of it this way. I must say that in this way you can learn to manage many negative feelings, and not just shyness. And I already wrote about this in my article on how to control your emotions, here I dwelled on this again, in more detail.

Before you get rid of a feeling, you need to learn to tolerate it. And when you are able to tolerate some emotion, act contrary to it, not pay attention to it, this emotion will manifest itself weaker and weaker with each new situation in which it arises, since you will not give way to this feeling.

If you have always been shy before, and now you decide to use the recommendation I gave above, then, at first, in awkward situations you may feel difficulty and great internal resistance.

But if you, when everything is turning upside down inside you, still act despite your shyness and get acquainted, start a conversation, then two very pleasant feelings are born in you. The first is relief, the second is the consciousness of power over yourself, the understanding that you were able and did what you wanted to do in spite of everything! It was as if they had accomplished a feat.

And all this happens at one moment: you just have to start, and then everything goes like clockwork. You just need to cross that control line at the beginning of an awkward conversation, a moment of pain and relief! Really a “prick”! And then you realize that this unpleasant moment was just a moment, and everything turned out to be not as terrible as you imagined at the beginning and was really worth all the effort!

If you were able to endure this short-term “pain”, “prick”, then next time it will be much easier, because tolerating any pain increases the pain threshold. And with each repetition of this situation, it will be easier for you not to follow this feeling, until you stop feeling anything unpleasant at all.

Those awkward events that could have previously caused a storm of unpleasant emotions in you will, over time, be perceived by you calmly, and you will not even need to make an effort to somehow properly set yourself up and prepare yourself.

If you stop obeying your shyness, then later you will not have any problems having a serious conversation with a loved one or asking something from a stranger, just as now I don’t have such problems.

So learn from mistakes and don't give up.

Get rid of unnecessary thoughts, tune in to your goal

Often, in situations where we just need to take it and do it, our thoughts are our enemies. Therefore, if you feel shy before any important conversation, focus on your goal and get rid of everything unnecessary from your head. Together with the previous recommendation, this helps a lot in awkward situations.

For example, you want to ask your boss for a salary increase. Thousands of vile thoughts can creep into your head, all the notorious “what if...”. But we already know that all these “what if...” are irrational creations of the emotional world that pretend to be something reasonable and fundamental, these are “wolves in sheep’s clothing” that live inside your psyche.

With this consciousness, of course, it is easier, but all sorts of unnecessary thoughts can continue to overcome you. Get them out of your head and think about your goal. “I need to get a salary increase, I’m sure there are chances, I don’t care about the rest.” And without thinking about anything other than this, boldly enter the boss’s office. Just clear your brain. This helps a lot.

Avoid excessive politeness and introductory phrases, be confident in yourself

In conversations there is no need to be more polite than the situation requires. Avoid any phrases overloaded with unnecessary politeness phrases, like “excuse me, please, but could you, if it wouldn’t be particularly difficult for you to answer the question.”

You should not think that people are doing you some great favor by answering your question or satisfying your request. Often they are just doing their job (“Could you please, be so kind, do your job” – you must admit, it sounds funny), and often it simply costs them nothing. Be polite, but in moderation; excessive tact does not indicate good upbringing, but a lack of self-confidence, which can only push people away.

You seem to be telling everyone, “I’m meek and don’t know how to fight back and demand what I really deserve.” Rest assured, some people will definitely take advantage of this.

The same applies to introductory phrases: “But I have one question here, I don’t even know how to start, it’s just that the matter is so inconvenient, the situation is that...”.

There is no need to overdo it with introductory phrases. Always get to the point quickly, but not too abruptly. To do this, prepare in advance for an important conversation so that you know what to say and not mumble.

Be confident in yourself or, at least, portray this confidence, do not give others a reason to think that you doubt yourself. In all uncomfortable situations, act in the opposite way of the behavior that sets shyness: meek and uncertain. This does not mean that you need to be impudent and rude.

Final comments

If, suddenly, everything didn’t go as you expected. Maybe during some meeting you were not as confident in yourself as you wanted, you said something wrong and now you are ashamed. Don’t bother yourself with this, just tell yourself that you will continue to work on yourself and learn not to be led by the emotions that arise in you in all sorts of difficult situations.

There is no need to be ashamed and lamented, remember, shame is just an unpleasant emotion that needs to be endured, and this is an internal phenomenon, not an external one, and, therefore, it must be perceived accordingly.
So everything that I said earlier is also true here: get all the unpleasant moments of communication out of your head, don’t think about them. What happened, happened.

When you learn to act against your shyness, you take a decisive step toward understanding the nature of your emotions and managing them. Your character and willpower will also develop, as you will have to overcome yourself, not paying attention to what is happening inside.

I want to say that the way to get rid of shyness and timidity is an effective exercise for self-development that will help you get rid of not only the above-mentioned shortcomings, but will also allow you to strengthen and develop many useful life skills! By starting with something seemingly small, you will achieve a lot.

Once you start working on yourself and make the first successes in this matter, new horizons of self-improvement immediately open up for you, which you had never even imagined before. I hope that, with or without my help, this truth will be revealed to many of my readers, if it has not already been revealed.

Read my blog and good luck!

How to stop being shy - notes from a former social phobe

November 20, 2016 - One comment

“I was embarrassed to ask the driver - I got off 3 stops later”

(folk wisdom)

It’s hard to be shy - here I was shy, here I was afraid, here I didn’t dare . And so all my life. Although... is this life? Neither say a toast, nor sing in company, nor speak in public. And you’re tired of being late for work - you just muster up the courage to talk to the driver, and your stop has already disappeared around the corner. Thank God, this is not the worst case yet. They say that some people leave the city like this. And yet, how to stop being shy?

My grandfather was afraid to ask the teacher at school, the teacher at the institute, and the employer at work. As a result, he was a poor student, did not graduate from college, and received mere pennies.

Another example is my sister. Going out into the street, she thinks that everyone is looking at her, that something is wrong with her and everyone is discussing her. She thinks that she looks clumsy and finds fault with herself about this. Because of this, he is constantly depressed.

Personally, I also did not escape this fate. Everything is fine in my personal life and at home, but at work it’s starting to go completely wrong. Since childhood, I have been afraid to call someone and talk on the phone. And now I find myself at work where I have to constantly call. I have to write down my speech on a piece of paper in advance, otherwise my tongue simply goes numb from excitement, and I am unable to say anything other than a stream of incoherent interjections.

And... uh... mmm... I... well, do you understand?!

In general, the “shyness gene” really poisoned the life of all our relatives to the last generation. And it would have been like this until the end of time, if not for one “but”...

Who tends to be shy from birth?

All people are different. Few people will dispute this statement - it is so obvious. Some people are born diligent, others restless. Someone has perfect pitch from an early age, and a group of bears danced boogie-woogie on someone’s ears. All these manifestations of innate properties in each of us are studied by Yuri Burlan’s System-Vector Psychology - the latest science about man.

She claims that among us there are people who are born with a special talent - to distinguish colors, subtly feel the beauty of the world around them and receive great pleasure from it . System-vector psychology defines them as people with a visual vector. Growing up, they most often find themselves in professions such as designer, photographer, artist, model or actress.

A visual person is very emotional and feels not only beauty, but also the emotions of the people around him. He is ready to sincerely sympathize with someone else’s grief and just as sincerely laugh at someone else’s joy, sharing his emotions with the person. Living such strong emotions together with others, a person with a visual vector feels internally calm, fulfilled and happy.

And here lies one key feature of a visual person. The whole question is, to whom does he direct his emotions? There are only two options: on yourself and on the people around you.

In the second case, this is a beautiful and kind, balanced person. Perhaps he does volunteer work or performs on stage. Creates professional designs or paintings with incredible depth of talent. He radiates love outward, for which everyone around him loves him.

In the first case, everything is much worse. The owner of the visual vector, fixated on himself, begins to look for flaws in his appearance and clothes. Finds his figure, facial skin or speech imperfect. He begins to feel ashamed of himself, is afraid to meet other people and even go outside.

Further - more. Over time, a self-contained viewer may even become a recluse in his own apartment. Scientifically, he is a social phobe. Need I say that a person’s life in such a state is simply unbearable?
How to avoid this unpleasant fate? Read on.

Systemic vector psychology gives very clear instructions on how to stop being embarrassed by a person with a visual vector. Very concisely it sounds like this: stop thinking about yourself and turn your gaze to another person.

Surely you yourself have noticed that even the strongest embarrassment or fear of people goes away when you start talking to a person. Be emotionally involved in it, get involved in the conversation, empathize. Once - and you are already the center of attention of the whole company, in a few minutes you have turned from a champion of embarrassment into a shirtless guy. Or in a girl's shirt.

However, the problem cannot be solved with “life hacks” and “poultices” like the one given above. Yes, they work on some level, but in order to become more confident and stop being ashamed of yourself once and for all, something more is needed. It is necessary to understand what the deepest root of embarrassment and fear is. Then you will take control of your fears and they will disappear from your life forever.

You can understand the real root of fear in online training on system-vector psychology. More than 18,000 people got your results, thereby confirming the effectiveness of the training. Many of them stopped being shy and stopped being afraid of people. Here's how they themselves talk about it:

Fear has big eyes. Take action!

These unpleasant moments in life where you have to blush, stammer and feel shy. Where you have to remain silent, passing your stop, unable to squeeze out a word. Where you are forced to order everything online, even a loaf of bread, because you can’t leave the house or even make a phone call. Where you spend hours walking around the city looking for an address or around a store looking for the right product - not being able to talk to passers-by or supermarket consultants.

Shyness is not a vice

First of all, stop gnawing and torturing yourself for being too timid. All our fears, and at the same time our insecurities, end where love begins. Sincere, pure and real. To ourselves (please do not confuse this with narcissism). And you need to be imbued with the rather simple idea that modesty and delicacy are advantages, and in no case disadvantages. As soon as it becomes stronger in your mind, you will immediately begin to worry less. But it’s your anxiety that you’re too tight that’s preventing you from liberating yourself.

Smile!

Do you think this is frivolous advice? You're wrong! Try to go to the mirror in the morning and smile at your own reflection from the bottom of your heart. Did it work? Now hold back your smile. Now smile even wider and as cheerfully as possible... In fact, few people cope with this test. For some, instead of smiling, they get some kind of grimace, for others, their facial muscles begin to twitch, for others, it seems that only idiots can smile for no reason.
Do you also think that smiling when meeting strangers in the office or in your entrance is somehow stupid? Believe me, another hundred thousand introverts who give the impression of stone idols think exactly the same way. Few people are friends with them, they don’t dare to get to know them, they are not invited to parties, and if they are invited, they try to stay away from them. And you know, this doesn’t surprise us.
How to overcome shyness? Finally, force yourself to smile! Remember something pleasant often and practice as hard as you can. To begin with, at least go to the nearest supermarket and smile at the saleswoman.

Don't stay at home

Psychologists believe that complexes are far from the main cause of shyness and self-consciousness. A person simply lacks experience in communication. Have you ever noticed how you behave when you find yourself in a society where there are many people you don’t know? The most desperate modest people in such a situation usually remain silent and generally withdraw into themselves, like a snail into a shell. There is no need to be afraid to talk to strangers.
How to get rid of shyness? Experts have some basic advice: you need to be outside more often. Yes, literally walk around and ask for directions to the library, even if you know the way there well. This method - asking unfamiliar passersby for directions - is considered good training.

Talk

Try not to have lunch alone. People have at least one ancient powerful instinct associated with the ritual of sharing food. When they gather at the same table, their subconscious says: “We are friends, everything is fine.” And so they relax, become more relaxed, and, therefore, more talkative.
It is during such “informal” conversations that you can learn a lot about a person. Try to remember some information about your friends: the names of their loved ones, the names of animals, some important events from their lives. This is not a mandatory rule. But on occasion, your memory can provide you with an invaluable service.
Don't panic if you don't know how to start a conversation. There are many things that can be a topic of conversation. Hobbies, film premieres, the last book you read, a concert, a LiveJournal blog - you can discuss any of them with your interlocutor.

Change your point of view

You are afraid to open up to a person, you are embarrassed to tell him what you think, you are afraid of doing something wrong and ending up in an awkward and funny situation. In a word, you are afraid that they might offend you and leave you alone. Therefore, you use inaccessibility as armor - this is a completely typical method of self-defense.
Try to change your point of view. Don’t think that someone might leave you, considering you uninteresting, unattractive, and the list goes on. Start thinking something like this: “If he (so-and-so) doesn’t appreciate my abilities, I’ll break up with him myself.” And repeat this as a mantra to overcome shyness and insecurity.

Shyness is a feeling of discomfort in a social environment that prevents us from achieving personal and social goals. Are you shy? Does your heart flutter just at the thought of talking to a stranger? This is common as shyness is a very common problem. As with any undesirable trait, shyness can be managed with the right approach.

Steps

Part 1

Determine the essence and reason for the desired changes. Are you worried about your lack of communication skills? Are you unable to conduct superficial conversations, show feelings, are there frequent awkward pauses in your speech or other practical problems? Perhaps you have mastered your communication skills, but want to forget about the constant feeling of awkwardness and doubt.

• Think about how much you want to change. Not everyone can become a socially active or sociable person. There is no need to waste energy on comparisons with others. You don't have to feel like you have to be like everyone else. This type of negative reinforcement will only make you believe that you are alone, different, or even worse than everyone else.

1. Change your way of thinking. People who feel awkward in social situations often have strings of negative thoughts. “I'll look stupid,” “No one will talk to me,” or “I'll look like an idiot” are all thoughts that can run in a vicious circle. As you yourself understand, such thoughts are negative and only increase your shyness and feeling of awkwardness.

   Direct your attention outward, not inward. This is one of the most important aspects of shyness and social anxiety. Most timid people do this unintentionally, but they often start drawing attention to themselves during a conversation. As a result, the person is absorbed in himself and the vicious circle of thoughts begins again. The researchers concluded that this fact may be the main cause of panic attacks after moments of mild anxiety.

   Watch how confident people build social relationships. Imitation is one of the highest forms of flattery. Of course, you don't need to repeat every last detail, but follow social people to get useful ideas for different situations.

   Contact a specialist if you cannot cope with the problem. In some situations, excessive shyness is a sign of social anxiety disorder. A person with this problem is so afraid of criticism and judgment from others that he has no friends or romantic partner.

   • A professional can diagnose social anxiety disorder and help you develop a healthier mindset and gain confidence so you can stop avoiding people.

   Part 2

   How to communicate with strangers

   1. Be willing to meet us halfway. Would you approach a person with a sour expression on his face or with his head down? Hardly. Our body language helps others make assumptions even before the conversation begins. Stop looking at your shoes, smile slightly and maintain eye contact.

      Show yourself. The best way to meet new people is to actively visit places where you can meet them. Go to the fall dance party at school or attend a New Year's corporate party. Try to meet at least one new person before the end of the evening. Attend a poetry club meeting and read poems you wrote as a student.

      Practice communicating. This may seem strange, but stand in front of a mirror or simply close your eyes. Imagine that you are talking to another person. Feeling prepared to have a conversation in an unfamiliar environment can help reduce anxiety. Imagine that your conversations are dialogues from films. Imagine yourself as a sociable person who finds a common language with others. Then move from rehearsals to action.

      Showcase your talents. By emphasizing your strengths, you will not only increase your confidence around other people, but you will also appear more attractive or interesting to talk to. For example, if you like painting, then try painting the scenery for a play. It is easier for a person to show his best qualities if he does not feel discomfort. Strive to connect with people who share your passions and enthusiasm. Just do what you love and have fun doing it to make new friends.

   2. Give sincere compliments. You don't need anything extraordinary. Sometimes the most exciting conversations begin with the phrase: “I like your shirt. May I ask, is it from (name of) store?” Compliments naturally form a pleasant impression of you, since your words lifted the person's mood. Even better, you're guaranteed to smile because complimenting others will make you feel good too.

      • If you know someone, call them by name when you compliment them. Be specific. Instead of saying, “You look great,” it’s better to say, “I love your new hairstyle. The shade matches your skin tone perfectly.”
      • Aim to give 3-5 compliments a day to different people you meet on the street and during your daily activities. Try not to compliment the same person twice. See how many conversations you can have, and how many times after the conversation you feel better than before you met.
   3. Some people are uncomfortable visiting places alone. Try going to the cinema alone. Is it possible to be shy in the dark? Other people in line will see that you have enough confidence to go to the cinema without company. Fake confidence until you feel it's real!
   4. If you need help, be upfront about it. If you remain silent, anxiety accumulates, and the problem remains unresolved.
   5. Talk to random people, even if you don't know each other. Be polite and you'll soon have a reputation for being very sociable!
   6. Play sports. This is a great way to meet new people, shed your shyness and show off your strengths.
   7. It's always nice to talk to friends and other people, but sometimes it's okay to just sit and listen. This is the only advantage of shyness. You are able to listen and understand what is happening.
   8. Watch your facial expressions. No need to frown or frown.

   Warnings

   • Striving to overcome shyness is a monumental task. Don't expect the situation to change overnight. Everything works a little differently. Be patient and remember: “Moscow was not built in a day.”
   • Be yourself and don't let others put you down.