Can a woman take the first step towards separation if her feelings for her beloved man have not yet cooled down? It’s difficult, but sometimes, having stepped over yourself, you even need to do it. Otherwise, further - an abyss and disrespect for yourself. How to understand and feel that it’s time to break up, and you need to put an end to it first? That it’s time to break off the relationship immediately, because it will be more difficult mentally in the future?
There are many opportunities to smooth out corners during conflict situations with your lover. Minor quarrels are easily resolved thanks to a woman’s wisdom and patience (by the way, these are the main qualities of a wife). But sometimes situations arise when the cup of patience is full - there is no more strength to endure the harmful character trait of the husband, his addiction or some external influences.
It is best to break up in the early stages of a relationship, when it is not so painful. If you notice that some aspect of your boyfriend doesn’t suit you, don’t try to change him for yourself. Adults are difficult to “train.” It’s amazing that after giving birth to a bunch of children from her husband, a woman suddenly notices after many years that “he’s somehow different.” Either her husband became so terrible to her, or she did not dare to part with him in time and turned a blind eye to everything. But in vain! And yet, even if it’s too late, what shouldn’t you put up with?
Wait, there is a fine line here, where exactly some women sometimes go too far. Being convinced teetotalers, they panic if their lover allows himself a bottle of beer on Friday evening or prefers a cheerful feast with libations on some special occasion. Simply, holidays are stolen from men who drink moderately.
The poor man is put into strict limits:
No friends or colleagues: all the men are drunks who will pour drinks.
No fishing trips or corporate parties - all they do there is drink.
New Year, birthdays and other holidays are celebrated only with juice.
“If you smell it, you’ll fly out of the apartment.”
Such a man, if he endures it, will become a boring henpecked loser, unless he himself is a convinced teetotaler. Or he will run away first. But this is only if the man is not prone to continuous alcoholism.
Such strict limits can be set for a person if he himself suffered from his alcoholism, went to the doctor, “got coded” and is afraid of breaking down. But, again, these frameworks should not look like an ultimatum: rather, they should be like saving a loved one from harm - delicate and soft.
It’s another matter when a person does not want to leave the state of somnambulism. He doesn’t have a hangover, because the evening drinking smoothly turns into the morning libation and so on in a circle. He has long given up on work, he doesn’t want to wash or shave, he doesn’t have sober days, and he doesn’t consider himself an alcoholic. The woman does not see him as a man, because instead of him there is a lying layer, “flavoring” the whole apartment with cheap alcohol. By the way, he drinks with whatever he gets out of his wife’s wallet.
Yes, there were attempts to talk to him, and to go to the doctor, and to call on family and friends for help. But in response to all his pleas, he gets a big blow under the nose of everyone suffering for him and sends him off with obscenities somewhere very, very far away. And he didn’t care about threats of divorce. Well, I don’t care: it’s time to break up, because there’s no point in carrying on with everything further and continuing the relationship. By the way, this also applies to drug addiction (which, by the way, is even worse).
External influence
This is all that does not concern relationships within the family. The influence of relatives, friends and ex-girlfriends. Somewhere you can also get around the sharp corners, but sometimes patience comes to an end when everything goes too far and the agreement of all parties is impossible. This chapter should be divided into several parts.
Influence of relatives
Most often, this happens to be a not entirely reasonable mother-in-law, when the husband is also a mother’s boy. Just imagine that you are in the place of the daughter-in-law of such a mother-in-law. In general, you are a conflict-free person, you are not rude to your mother-in-law, you do not contradict, but all the bad things are constantly flying at you:
“Ugh, she cooks disgustingly, son, you’ll ruin your stomach with her “slops!”
“How sloppy she dresses you: she ironed your shirt, but didn’t smooth out the crease at the collar!”
“She spends a lot of money. Bring me your salary, I’ll decide what you need!”
“Son, I understand that it’s five in the morning, but I was doing laundry, and it seems to me that the machine is acting up. Maybe you’ll come now and take a look?”
And here's the story. He jumps out of bed, runs to look at her washing machine, gives her every penny of his earnings and tries to snack on her “healthy” dishes. At your timid attempt to talk to your man, he boils, because his mother is right about everything. These are your relatives who are bullshit, but his are the gods.
By the way, this can be not only the mother-in-law, but also the father-in-law, older brother or sister. In any case, it is most likely useless to fight here; you are unlikely to be able to save the relationship, because you will always be in last place. More precisely, even “in the crowd.”
Influence of friends
This is the case when you could not fit into his company. It is in this case that it is best to break off relations with your lover from the very beginning, if you have not become “your boyfriend” among his friends. Look, when you first started a relationship with him, he was so in love that his friends faded into the background. But having returned from heaven to earth, he is unlikely to abandon his old friends forever.
I couldn’t fit in and “pulled the blanket over myself” - in general, it was my own fault. At first, he will begin to be torn between two fires, meeting with them secretly, but friends are unlikely to like such friendship when it is like a secret date for lovers. If a guy chooses friends in this regard, then it is better to break up immediately, because life together will not work.
The influence of his ex
Be afraid of her friendship with your boyfriend if it crosses all boundaries. That is:
He proves that even though they broke up, she still remained his best friend.
He calls her back, consults and runs to help at her first call.
He invites her to family holidays and generally acts with her as if they were never separated.
Remember - his ex-girlfriends are not your friends. If you can still somehow find a common language with his male friends, then keep in mind that your ex had both love and sex with your boyfriend. In this sense, only you should be your man’s best friend.
If you miss the moment when your predecessor needs to be “liquidated” from your joint relationship, then she will push you out. And then you will definitely have to say goodbye to your boyfriend. By the way, such an omission may cost you more - he, without hesitation, may cheat on you in the future, since you are so resigned.
You need to break off relations with such a monster at the first manifestation of his aggression. Of course, there are cases when a woman has done such mischief that a man could not restrain himself and slapped her in the face out of frustration - for example, after many years of marriage, he found his wife in bed with another. This can still be explained somehow. But systematic aggression with assault cannot be forgiven. This is dangerous. At this point, any quiet alcoholic will seem like an angel.
What matters to a tyrant is not the reason why he rages. He will find her easily. Any petty disagreement will be an excellent reason to flex your fists on a weak woman. You broke his favorite mug - get it, distracted him from the computer - get it, called him to dinner in the wrong tone - get it again. And this will continue ad infinitum.
Love has passed
Yes, it’s just that both of you are no longer interested in each other, but for some reason you live together. For example, for the sake of unsuspecting relatives or joint children. Sex has been reduced to zero, romance is a thing of the past. Minor quarrels arise only because you annoy each other with your appearance.
You are interested in other men, and you yourself turn a blind eye to your husband’s spree. On the contrary, I’m glad that he’s not at home, because you want to take a break from his disgusting sight, voice and smell. It’s not that you hate him, it’s just that he’s like a foreign body to you. And the feeling is mutual - he doesn’t even want to hug you in passing.
So, in this case, there is no need to pose the question: “to break up or not” - you just need to calmly separate, and not make a joke on others, thereby ruining each other’s lives. It will be painless for both, even for children. Because by separating wisely, there will be no aggression, children can meet with both parents whenever they want without scandals and division.
Finally - an unusual technique
Let's do a thought experiment.
Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.
And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.
We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.
If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.
Sometimes after childbirth it becomes necessary to put stitches on the perineum of the mother in labor. The reason for this may be narrow birth canals, a large fetus, the presence of a scar after a previous birth, and poor tissue elasticity. After such manipulation, the woman must be very careful, because at the slightest non-compliance with medical recommendations, her wound may open again. Let's take a closer look at what needs to be done if a seam breaks after childbirth and how to prevent this.
What to do if the seam diverges after childbirth: the main causes of thread rupture
Most often, sutures may come apart after childbirth for the following reasons:
1. Infection in the wound.
2. Sitting down too early.
3. Excessive physical activity (heavy lifting).
4. Making sudden movements.
5. Early resumption of sexual activity.
6. Failure to comply with hygiene rules.
7. Constipation, which led to overstrain of the maz muscles and rupture of the suture.
9. Improper care of seams.
10. Wearing tight or too tight underwear.
A seam has broken after childbirth - what to do and how to recognize it
Sudden dehiscence of the postpartum suture can be recognized by the following symptoms:
1. A burning sensation in the wound area.
2. Pain and tingling in the suture area.
3. The appearance of swelling of the perineum.
4. A feeling of fullness and heaviness in the wound area may indicate the development of a hematoma and accumulation of blood.
5. Bloody or purulent discharge.
6. Increased body temperature (can occur when an infection gets into the wound). In this condition, it is very important to quickly consult a doctor, otherwise the woman may lose the opportunity to breastfeed.
7. Weakness.
8. Redness in the suture area.
The seam came apart after childbirth: what to do and what to do
At the first suspicion of a suture rupture, you should contact your observing gynecologist as soon as possible. After the examination, the doctor will prescribe the necessary medications and procedures.
Traditional treatment for dehiscence involves:
1. Use of anti-inflammatory and healing ointments (Levomekol, Sintomycin, Vishnevsky ointment). These remedies will help get rid of swelling, pain and redness. They will also disinfect the wound and promote its rapid healing.
2. If the sutures were still very “fresh” and came apart literally on the second day after birth, then most likely the doctor will prescribe re-suturing. In this case, the wound must be washed with antiseptics so that infection cannot enter it.
It is important to know that when applying postoperative sutures, a woman in labor is recommended to stay in the hospital for five days under medical supervision, and not rush to go home, since it is in the conditions of the hospital and its sterility that you can protect yourself more.
3. If the sutures come apart after the wound has healed, then there are two treatment options:
If the wound does not pose a threat to the woman’s health, then the doctor can leave everything as is and not apply repeated stitches;
If the suture is completely torn, then the edges of the wound are cut again and the threads are reapplied, otherwise an infection can easily get into the suture, and this condition will always cause discomfort in the young mother.
4. In the case when it is not the seam itself that has come apart, but only a few of its stitches, then this situation does not require repeated surgical intervention. Instead, the wound should be treated with disinfectant ointments and solutions.
5. A much greater danger is suture dehiscence after a caesarean section, since in this case the wound runs through the entire anterior part of the peritoneum. In addition, it is quite large and more susceptible to tearing (due to the fact that the suture is placed on the abdominal muscle, which contracts with almost any physical movement).
It is much easier to see such a divergence of the seam, because it is clearly visible, unlike the seam on the perineum, the rupture of which can only be accurately determined by a gynecologist. In this case, the woman will feel severe pain and burning while standing and sitting. In addition, blood will ooze from her wound.
In this case, you need to consult a doctor as soon as possible. Doctors usually re-stitch the stitches.
6. If the wound is severely suppurated and the woman has a high temperature, she is prescribed strong antibiotics, antipyretic and anti-inflammatory drugs. After taking them, breastfeeding will, unfortunately, be impossible.
Typically, the time it takes for a wound to heal depends on the type of sutures used to suture it. Today, natural, synthetic and self-absorbable threads are used. Metal staples are very rarely used.
The healing period for absorbable materials takes two to three weeks. As for non-absorbable synthetic threads, they take longer to heal - from two to three months.
What to do to prevent the suture from coming apart after childbirth: wound care
Proper care of the suture after childbirth is the key to rapid wound healing and prevention of infection. To do this, you should follow these recommendations:
1. Regularly lubricate the wound with antibacterial agents. In the first days after birth, the suture is usually processed by the gynecologist himself, however, even after arriving home, it is important to continue these procedures independently.
2. Wash the seams with soap.
3. Wash after each urination and bowel movement to prevent infection.
4. Change the gasket every two hours.
5. Dry yourself after a shower with a clean towel.
6. On the first day after birth, you need to delay the act of defecation so as not to “strain” the suture. To do this, a woman should eat only liquid foods in small portions.
7. Treat the wound daily with brilliant green. You can also apply absorbable and healing ointments, but only if prescribed by a doctor.
In addition, with prolonged healing, irradiation can be used using special lamps. This procedure is done by a gynecologist.
As an additional preventive measure, a woman is recommended to visit a gynecologist once a week and undergo a control examination of the wound.
What to do to prevent sutures from coming apart after childbirth: prevention tips
To minimize the risk of sutures coming apart after childbirth, you should follow these tips:
1. In the first days after childbirth, a woman should not sit. All manipulations (including nutrition, feeding the child, etc.) must be performed in a lying or standing position. Moreover, even after discharge, when traveling home, you need to leave lying down, having first unfolded the chair in the car. Only after four weeks (if everything is fine and no complications arise) can you sit down fully.
2. You should abstain from sexual activity until the sutures are removed, since it is usually this factor that provokes earlier divergence of the threads. In addition, sexual activity can contribute to infection in a fresh wound, which will only prolong the rehabilitation process.
3. Observe the rules of personal hygiene.
4. Wash with baby soap without dyes and fragrances that can cause irritation.
5. You should wear seamless loose underwear made from natural fabrics or special disposable panties. You should not wear tight models or shapewear until the wound has completely healed.
6. Treat the seam with antiseptics twice a day.
7. Maintain hygiene in the perineal area and in case of bloody or mucous discharge that may occur after childbirth, change pads as often as possible.
8. Particular attention should be paid to nutrition so as not to cause constipation. Thus, it is better to temporarily stop eating flour and sweets. Instead, it is better to give preference to fermented milk products (kefir, cottage cheese), as they will not only normalize stools, but will also improve the overall intestinal microflora.
It is important to know that you cannot take painkillers on your own, especially when a young mother is breastfeeding her baby. This is explained by the fact that most medications can be excreted from the body along with biological fluids, including breast milk, which the baby will then drink. This, in turn, can cause serious problems in the newborn.
Before taking any medications, you should always consult with your supervising physician.
Any couple sooner or later faces difficulties and, as a rule, persistently tries to cope with them. But is the game always worth the candle? How do you understand that the best way out of a relationship crisis is separation?
You have different goals
Even in the most difficult times and in moments of the most heated quarrels, the realization of a common goal becomes a lifeline for lovers. On the path to common dreams, conflicts and misunderstandings are possible, but the presence of these dreams determines the entire meaning of the path. If you want to become a mother in the near future and dream of your own home, but your lover does not consider the housing issue a priority and believes that the main thing in life is a career, and children only interfere with it, ask yourself the question: what actually unites you? Sexual attraction and the company of friends is great, but what do you both want out of life? The lack of common goals will inevitably become a stumbling block in your relationship and the cause of constant quarrels, and as a result, one fine day you will separate, regretfully admitting that you are simply not on the same path.
You constantly avoid sex
Of course, if you have been together for several years, it is somewhat naive to expect from each other the passionate fervor of first dates and sex several times a day - unbridled drive eventually gives way to harmony, warmth and tenderness. Stress at work, fatigue and poor health inevitably make adjustments to the schedule of intimate dates, but conscious avoidance of intimacy is a completely different matter. If you notice that you are constantly looking for a reason not to have sex with your chosen one, this is a fairly serious signal.
You don't trust him
Cheating or serious deception can not only provoke a relationship crisis, but also deprive you of the ability to trust your loved one. Restoring the former trust may take more than one year and requires a lot of mutual effort. True, sometimes no amount of effort is sufficient to mend broken happiness - and in this case, you need to find the courage in yourself and admit that it’s time to put an end to the relationship. If bitter memories of betrayal continue to hurt you even after a long time, and every step of your lover leads to suspicion, seriously think about whether you need such torment. Staying in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship is not the best option.
Relationships hurt you
Any relationship is work, usually difficult and requiring compromises. However, sometimes we confuse compromise with the habit of constantly stepping on our own throat. If the relationship crisis has dragged on, ask yourself: are you actually happy? What does this relationship give you - a feeling of warmth, comfort and security or constant anxiety and unpleasant experiences? In the movie Sex and the City, Charlotte answers this question very revealingly: in response to Samantha’s statement that “relationships don’t have to make us happy all the time,” she counters: “I’m happy every day. Of course, not all day every day. But every day." Samantha was inspired by this confession to end the relationship. The step is difficult and painful. But honest.
You quarrel about everything
Without exaggeration - for any reason. This point is especially important if the reason for quarrels are things that you previously perceived quite calmly. If every little thing becomes a source of conflict, and everything causes irritation - from his habit of singing in the shower (which used to seem so cute) to the way he drives a car, it’s worth asking yourself what’s going on. If chronic dissatisfaction is not related to external circumstances (for example, financial difficulties or a tense situation at work), then it cannot be ignored, and even more so if this dissatisfaction is mutual. It is possible that minor quarrels are just the tip of the iceberg, and in reality you are experiencing a crisis in your love relationship, the best way out of which may be separation.
When two people start dating, they think that problems and troubles will bypass their union. But time passes, and a crack appears in the relationship... The site talks about how to understand that separation is inevitable, and in what cases, on the contrary, it is worth resuscitating feelings.
Indeed, what could serve as a serious reason for separation?
Are there any signs that it's time to end the relationship and start a new life?
Of course, each person has his own criteria for quality of life, including personal life. Someone is able to instantly decide to break up as soon as they feel boredom in the relationship, and for some even treason does not serve as a reason for divorce.
If we take our personal satisfaction, inner harmony and happiness as a criterion, there are very clear signals to understand that a relationship has exhausted itself.
Lack of intimacy
Boredom for two
Parting
Even if you are alone with your partner, you still feel lonely. You have nothing to talk about, even joint events do not contribute to the revitalization of your relationship. Films, performances, travel - no matter how many of them there are, you still have nothing to talk about.
You prefer to spend time with your girlfriends, because it’s much more fun. If you are traveling to vacation, you prefer to travel in a large group rather than alone with your husband. Your conversations come down to solving everyday issues.
You are bored together and therefore you tend to spend time in large companies and noisy, crowded places. This way, your interaction is reduced to a minimum, and a reason for communication appears - discussion of other people.
The saddest thing is when only one of you feels this way.
Parallel worlds
You live as if in different dimensions. Each of you has your own interests that never intersect. What he likes is indifferent to you, and vice versa. That is why you prefer to relax separately.
He has his friends, you have yours. You spend less and less time together, this is not surprising, because nothing connects you except everyday life. You notice that you are even better off alone than with your husband, who does not understand or accept your interests at all.
You never take him with you to parties, he does not invite you to join him.
As you age, you change, you develop new interests, and if your partner does not share them, you move away. When partners develop in different directions or at different speeds, a love marriage turns into a marriage of convenience - people live together because it is more convenient for them.
Indifferent attitude
You don’t miss each other at all, you don’t worry about your husband’s affairs, and he doesn’t worry about yours. Everything that happens to your spouse does not cause any emotions in you. If he tells you something, you find yourself thinking that it is not interesting to you, even tiresome. You are too lazy to choose gifts for your husband, you are content with standard options - what you bought nearby.
You are much more comfortable when your husband is not around, because this way you can mind your own business, not delve into his problems and not adapt to him. You don’t care where and with whom he stayed late and why he doesn’t invite you to a corporate party.
These feelings can be mutual.
How to make the right decision?
Lack of communication
Parting
You call each other only if you need to discuss everyday and business issues, “just chat,” “missing you” is a thing of the past for you. At home, you don’t share your impressions of the day, don’t discuss anything except everyday problems, and after dinner, you head to the TV or computer - each in your own direction.
You have no need to communicate; you prefer to discuss news with a friend rather than with your husband.
Communication involves the exchange of opinions, thoughts, observations, joint activities in any activity that unites you, gives you joy, inspiration, makes you feel for each other Love. Without full communication, a love union dies.
Minimum physical contact
As soon as your husband wants to hug or kiss you, you involuntarily push away from him. He can do the same. If you both have lost interest in each other, then you probably haven’t kissed when you meet, hugged or held hands for a long time.
Perhaps yours sexual relations have already faded away, or have become rare and emotionless, even if you were well rested or on vacation. A minimum of tactile contact is a serious signal of a cooling relationship.
Reluctance to develop relationships
You plan leisure time without each other. Increasingly, say “I” rather than “We” when talking about the future. The saddest thing is if your most important life plans do not coincide. For example, you want children, but your husband does not want them, or vice versa.
Or he wants to emigrate to Europe, but you never want to leave Russia. Or he dreams of quitting his business and becoming a freelance artist, but you are not ready to change your financial situation so dramatically and endure hardships.
Or maybe you want to get married, but your partner, after 5 years of marriage, is not even thinking about getting married.
