Good afternoon, our dear readers! Let's talk about the pressing problem of our time - reasons for female loneliness. Let's find out the obvious and non-obvious reasons for loneliness. And let's discuss how to stop being lonely!
About 38% of women in Russia are single! For our article, psychologists told the real reasons for women’s loneliness!
Where does loneliness begin?
The origins of the problem often lie deep in the subconscious. A smart, independent beauty, whom men admire, remains alone while her expressionless friend in old clothes and with freckles has been married for five years! This doesn't seem logical. But only at first glance.
Men were amazed by the statistics of the anonymous survey! Beauty for a man is not about fashionable shapes or expensive manicures. And not even a perfect face or skin like from the cover! The beauty turned out to be inexplicable! Men just feel that “there’s something about her.” Appearance, of course, is important, but to a greater extent not the aesthetics itself, but grooming.
Men who are hunters of appearances admitted: his childhood dream, his environment, his status need a beauty. And he needs a Woman!
But deceived by the media and fashion, or education, women are looking forreasons for lonelinessin evil eyes or bad luck. And the reasons lie in the woman herself.
Main reasons for loneliness
Only individual reasons are the source of the problem. Often, instead of complaining to our friends, we need to go to a psychologist to understand them.
The practice of psychology has revealedmain reasons for loneliness. And collected in 5 reasons for loneliness. They can also connect with each other. Experts say that any problem necessarily has several sources.
Past
Has a long and fleeting relationship left a wound in your heart? Then faith in love itself is unlikely to return. A grudge against one man is felt against everyone. No one is worthy of trust anymore. And even if the mind has already realized that this is not so, the heart cannot be so easily convinced. Only a woman’s psychological attunement and a man’s perseverance can break the barrier of the past.
Upbringing
Childhood can be forgotten, but not crossed out. The mother instilled in her daughter, perhaps unwittingly, an aversion to the opposite sex. Or the image of the father frightened the child. The attitude of the parents turned into a nightmare before the eyes of the little girl. Or the grandmother put blocks in her granddaughter’s head, repeating, “Don’t get married, no matter how married you get.” An adult woman will desire love with all her heart, but without qualified help she is unlikely to be able to rewrite her childhood program herself.
Goddess Complex
A man must pursue me! I am worthy not of these commoners, but of the oligarch from the film! So that he doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and always gives flowers... But the woman doesn’t call first, because he’s the male hunter! These and othersreasons for your loneliness, which in short sound like this - self-esteem is inflated. And the brains were drowned in labels and cliches. Falling from such “heights” is very painful, so try to understand for yourself whether you want too much. A male hunter will only hunt down the “prey” that he can catch. Only a desperate romantic or latent masochist would fall in love with such a “Goddess.”
Fear of the Golden Cage
Reasons for human lonelinessMisunderstandings of the concept of freedom are not uncommon. The idea that a relationship is complete dependence and slavery is written right on the forehead. Men will not approach a woman a mile away for fear of losing their freedom. They unconsciously understand that such a lady will crowd them.
But I want love! And the woman gives her freedom to her pets! Moreover, with the confidence that people are not worth such care! There are different types of cat ladies, but if you have a friend who kisses a cat and snorts at men, know that she is nursing her own fears. And he pours out unspent love, becoming devastated and suffering. The difficulty is that only relationships can cure this fear! An experienced psychologist will help you break the vicious circle.
I must be unhappy!
Low self-esteem is easier to treat than high self-esteem, but it causes no less problems. The echoes of Domostroy are especially loud in villages. The girl is simply convinced that her role is to suffer and obey. Or constant concessions and belittling of oneself for a partner over time grow into constant self-doubt. The partner sees this and leaves her, even knowing that this is her sacrifice for him.
The woman understands that she is no longer morally independent, and she urgently needs a replacement for the previous man. She tries to catch him with her usual trick - a promise of complete submission.
And to love a woman who does not love herself seems beneath his dignity to a man. Unless he is a domestic tyrant looking for a submissive one. You and I can soberly evaluate ourselves and understand that, like everyone else, we deserve happiness!
Psychologists' opinions on the causes of loneliness
Some experts also add the desire to enter into a relationship as a reason. Oddly enough, but sometimesreasons for female loneliness– this is the desire to get rid of it! This is especially true for old maids or divorced people. A woman either takes everything into her fist and rushes to attack the man herself, or does not notice how this happens. What, in fact, scares them away!
Excessive assertiveness overshadows the woman herself; instead of her, the man sees a bulldog who will kill him before he opens his jaws. And the lady’s attempt to create a model of future comfort looks intrusive. Like a poorly disguised trap. Only when a woman understands that she can be happy alone, and the stamp in her passport is not important, do men stop giving way. A self-sufficient woman attracts them much more.
How to get rid of loneliness
Psychology sees reasons for lonelinesslike a desire to hide. A loner does not want to look at reality and distorts it. And he blames the whole world, but not himself. Actually, this is not really a fault, but rather a mistake. A mistake due to which no one needs a person.
First of all, you need to evaluate yourself with a sober look. You have advantages, even if you don’t understand it. And disadvantages too. Just like any other person.
And that's great! That's how it should be! Accept the fact that the rules of life do not depend on your attitude. And if nature forces men to love women who respect themselves at the proper level, it will also help you eradicate the cause of loneliness and become loved again!
Causes of female loneliness: conclusion
We have discussed the main reasons why we may remain single. And ways to correct your sense of self. Let go of your over- or under-importance and fears – and Love will rush to meet you!
Love and be loved! See you again on our blog!
In words, we all dream of “that same” person who will share our lives in half, support us in sorrow and joy, and dispel lonely melancholy.
But the reality is that people unconsciously protect themselves from potential partners, do not find time for personal life and are afraid of disappointment. What are the causes of loneliness and how to overcome them?
There are many qualities due to which people cannot find a companion, sometimes opposite ones. Some are hampered by high self-esteem, others by low self-esteem.
Some people distrust everyone, while others, on the contrary, idealize previous partners. If you seriously want a relationship, identify your personal reason for loneliness and try to overcome it.
Main reasons for loneliness
1. Militant attitude, labeling, conflict, inflated self-esteem, pride, selfishness, ostentatious self-sufficiency. Such a lady can be seen a mile away (and the desire to come closer disappears).
For her, all men are divided into several types, each worse than the other. She makes fun of shortcomings to her face, she seems like a terribly smart and cynical person who has had plenty of love and disappointment. 
She will easily hurt anyone who approaches, and loneliness for her is a defensive reaction from insults and humiliation.
2.Closedness, involvement in an imaginary world. In the era of social networks, online games and forums, it is increasingly difficult to get the lady of your heart out of the house into the sunlight. By plunging into virtuality, people are disconnected from reality – and from each other.
3. Passivity. It’s not in everyone’s nature to take the initiative, hang out, make friends and take the bull by the horns. Moreover, everyone was taught that it is indecent for a girl to show interest first.
Therefore, the most a significant number of ladies do is sit down at the bar, order a cocktail and wait for princes to start falling from the sky. And in the worst case, they hope to meet the Man of their Dreams right at home, on the couch, watching their favorite TV series and eating chips.
TIP: You can be active in different ways. No one forces you to grab the first cute guy by the sleeve and drag him to you.
But you can leave the house more often, join a popular fitness center, go out in large groups and agree to friendly gatherings, even if the new season of Sherlock is on TV (watch the recording with your new boyfriend).
4. Brokenness, complexes, closedness, vulnerability, low self-esteem. Fear that the person will be hurt again. In her youth, every girl came across a guy who lived under the slogan “I fucked him and left him.”
Some came out of this test as winners: they learned that they need to select partners more carefully and that not every relationship ends in marriage.
Others found themselves after the betrayal with their tails between their legs and fear of another disappointment. They hid in their shells and expect a dirty trick from everyone they meet.
ADVICE: Internal tightness pushes potential partners away and keeps them at a distance. If you cannot cope with mental wounds on your own, consult a psychologist or take up spiritual practices or yoga. Harmony with yourself is the best magnet for the opposite sex.
5.Critical attitude and youthful dreams, far from reality and dictating inflated demands on the opposite sex, often end in loneliness. While rosy-cheeked girls dream of Jude Law, no less handsome and much more accessible guys walk nearby.
On the other hand, low demands do not bring success: a boring marriage with a lazy person, a scoundrel, a mama's boy and a henpecked man will quickly exhaust itself.
ADVICE: You need a middle ground. Be as demanding of yourself as you are of the opposite sex. Evaluate yourself soberly, objectively and adequately. If you are a top model, the sister of Kylie Minogue or the daughter of an oil tycoon, expect a prince in a snow-white Hummer.
If not, look around and look for a man according to your status. Fairy tales about Cinderella are written for children, and not every girl is endowed with an angelic disposition and is ready to meekly carry out the instructions of her stepmother for the sake of such a happy ending.
6. Bad communication experience, subconscious fear of repeating previous mistakes. Sometimes it seems that getting rid of loneliness and finding a mate is simply not destiny. Everything is against you, every attempt further deprives you of hope.
Girlfriends introduce you to alcoholics and rude people, in clubs everyone dreams of quick and affordable sex, your last boyfriend took out a loan in your name and ran away... Is it easier and more reliable to be alone?
7.Idealization of first love– the opposite cause of loneliness. A successful experience can be even more harmful than an unsuccessful one: strong feelings, intense passions, vows to the grave and meetings under the moon...
Separated by fate (parents, moves, studies, careers, priorities), both give up. He was special - we believe you! – but not the only one. And, most likely, not so ideal.
Psychologists are sure that if Romeo and Juliet had not died, they would have had to divorce due to “irreconcilable differences.”
8. Parenting based on prohibitions and dogmas, also contributes. From a young age, the father and mother give the girl puritanical guidelines, do not accept her chosen ones, and consider sex a forbidden topic.
In search of an acceptable match, many of these modest, conservative, notorious and bashful virgins enter old age.
9. Stereotypes imposed by society and lack of time. Nowadays it is fashionable to be a self-sufficient, busy, active, strong-willed person with twelve cats in an empty apartment.
Women become feminists, protesting against the bondage of marriage and patriarchal family values.
Emancipated girls rebuff anyone who mentions romance and sublime feelings. Graduates of prestigious universities prefer to build a career rather than waste time on their personal lives.
There is always time. If previously a woman at 30 was already considered an old maid, today even at 40 it’s not too late to start building a family (the age remains childbearing).
However, by postponing everything “for later”, there is a risk of not returning to thoughts about the family hearth and the benefits of marriage: the bachelor habit will make itself felt. This is why people who have not found a partner before the age of 35-45 most often remain single - take note.
Nowadays you can find many single women and men who were unable to start a family, and over time completely lost faith in such a possibility. To the question “Why are they lonely?” many of them will sincerely answer: “You’re just unlucky in life.”
Research reasons for loneliness showed that single people who want to start a family are on a conscious level ready to do everything for this, but at the same time subconsciously resist this in every possible way. What is the reason for this contradiction?
Throughout our life subconscious are being formed beliefs and prohibitions. As a result of prohibitions established by parents in early childhood, as well as incorrect conclusions from experiences communicating with the opposite sex, limiting beliefs are created that force, on a subconscious level, to reject all the best options in advance.
Many examples can be given of people withdrawing into themselves only because they once received experience who brought them pain and suffering. Instead of learning to respond correctly to the challenges that life throws at them, they gave up further attempts and, stopping their learning there, doomed themselves to loneliness.
I will give one example from my practice. One day E. came to me. She was 38 years old at the time. E. had her first sexual experience at the age of 21 with her peer L., who lived in the neighboring yard. She had very strong feelings for him. Everything seemed to be going well, but one day L. suddenly disappeared. All attempts to bring L. back did not bring any results, but on the contrary, caused shame and ridicule. And instead of turning to a psychologist, E. spent many sleepless nights, abundantly soaking her pillow with tears. Then she decided that she would never deal with men again, as they bring pain, suffering and disappointment.
Undoubtedly, E. got painful experience. But instead of drawing the right conclusions, she gave vent to her worries. She did the wrong thing choice, deciding to ignore men. Having deprived herself of the opportunity to learn how to successfully interact with men, E. doomed herself to loneliness. And only after many years of loneliness did she come to see me and admit that she wanted, but could not meet a suitable man.
Now E. is married and has two children. She is happy and remembers these 17 years of loneliness as if it were a nightmare. All these 17 years, her own beliefs prevented her from becoming happy.
Every experience we have is necessary for our learning. We make an attempt to learn something, and it doesn’t matter whether this attempt was successful or not, we gain experience. Remember when you were a child, your first attempt to get up and walk was unsuccessful. But imagine this situation: you fell then, hurt yourself badly and decided to abandon this training so as not to experience pain in the future. And who would be to blame for the fact that you still haven’t learned to walk?..
The biggest mistake we can make is refusal to study. Pain is not a reason to give up your next attempts. It only indicates to us that we are doing or perceiving something incorrectly. Pain when gaining experience should be understood as a signal to correct mistakes, and not as a reason to refuse the next attempt. If we do not understand this, then fear arises in the subconscious. Fear of pain can make us refuse to have the next experience. In this way, we can deprive ourselves of choice and the joy of love.
What separates lonely people? What prevents them from meeting? – They are separated by the walls of fortresses, which they built from their beliefs, trying to protect themselves from the outside world. These walls became prisons for them, and they were never protected from the pain of suffering.
I will tell you how to destroy the walls of your prisons, built from outdated and unworkable beliefs, in the following articles.
Stanislav Milevich
P.S. If you want freedom of choice, don't be afraid to let go of your outdated beliefs. Destroy the walls of your prison. Learn to respond correctly to the challenges that life throws at you. Don’t be afraid of pain, learn to accept it as a signal that helps you understand and evaluate the correctness of your actions. And I assure you, then the pain will not bring you any suffering or disappointment.
If you know and understand psychological reasons for loneliness, you can quite quickly cope with this feeling yourself, without resorting to the help of psychologists.
Psychology of loneliness: causes and ways to overcome
Until now, no universal remedy for loneliness has been invented. Of course, psychotherapists try to help their patients as best they can. But for some reason, not everyone thinks about the reasons for loneliness. If they try to get rid of it, they try to remove the symptoms themselves. Below are some of the main causes of loneliness and recommendations on how to overcome them.
Reasons for male loneliness: self-dislike
It is unlikely that a person who hates himself will arouse widespread interest. Gloomy appearance, shyness, lack of one’s own point of view and many other negative characteristics. Few people will love such a person for the very fact of his existence.
However, such negative self-perception does not arise just like that, but because of complexes:
- Appearance;
- Mental abilities;
- Social status;
- Failure in relationships with people;
- Psychological childhood traumas.
Solution. The problem is solved as follows: on a piece of paper you are asked to write down your strengths and weaknesses. And then analyze each one. Starting from the strong ones, see what activities you are most inclined to do. While studying your weaknesses, try to understand how you can correct them.
Causes of female loneliness: false expectations
The more you expect from a person, the less he can do. This also applies to intimate relationships. What is obvious here is a violation of the adequate perception of others and the risk of finding a completely unsuitable “soul mate.” Because of this, too much time is spent searching for the ideal, and, as a result, failure. And after the first failure, many give up and stop having a relationship with anyone at all.
Solution. In principle, everything is simple here. It is only important to be attentive to the search for a “potential partner” and check everyone, analyze his actions and actions. Everyone should be given a chance. And it’s better to completely forget about the search for an ideal - ideal people do not exist, everyone has some shortcomings and errors. In the end, it is better to engage in self-development and self-improvement. The desire to become better, taller, stronger will distract you from failure for a while.
And finally, don’t despair if a person leaves. After all, there are many more “halves” for everyone than one.
Reasons for loneliness in women and appearance– seemingly two incompatible things. However, poorly chosen clothes and sloppiness can be direct causes of loneliness. The solution to these reasons is in this article.
Reasons for male loneliness: false images
In order to attract at least some attention to themselves, people create certain images. These images are designed to mask imaginary shortcomings or “shade out” real ones. Sometimes such a problem arises from a lack of self-love. That is, a person does not love himself so much that he tries by any means to turn himself into someone else. And if the image and internal content diverge radically, then such a person will meet the wrong people on his way.
A wonderful analogy can be made with a book: let’s say that under the cover of a romance novel there will be a physics textbook hidden. In this case, a girl who wants to read a romance novel will be disappointed when she sees a textbook under the cover. And a young man who needs a textbook will pass by a “love novel.”
Solution. Self-improvement and painstaking work on the image. It’s worth trying hard, working on your behavior, changing your hairstyle and image. And most importantly, this should help improve your own image, but not change it radically.
Reasons for female loneliness: appearance, manners
Of course, appearance is not important for love. And there are often couples where the boy is more beautiful and interesting than the girl. But grooming is important. It seems that not everyone will want to date a girl or boy who has bad breath. But behavior with manners should not be ignored: a friendly and positive person will attract more attention than a withdrawn and depressed one.
Solution:
- It is best to dress clean and tidy.
- Things should fit. Super fashionable clothes are not always a good choice. In it, many people look not fashionable, but funny.
- If you can’t create an image yourself, then you can ask a stylist for advice. True, it's paid. Another way out is fashion magazines and constant experiments.
- Vulgarity in clothing should be avoided.
- There's no point in hiding either. The suit should emphasize existing advantages and hide minor flaws, as well as make you stand out from the crowd.
- The following must be well-groomed: hair, skin, makeup, manicure. Don't forget about your figure. Sometimes, by the way, it’s better not to wear makeup at all than to go out in public with heavy and tasteless makeup.
As a matter of fact, all these tips can be found on our website, and then it’s a matter of technique and experimentation (anyone can learn this).
And, oddly enough, following them will help get rid of loneliness at least for a while. After all, a well-groomed and beautiful girl is rarely left alone.
The most difficult reasons for loneliness: psychology: fear of relationships and lack of initiative
Here you can't get away with a trip to the hairdresser. Here you need to dig deeper and solve more complex problems.
Cause. Unpreparedness for relationships, fear of relationships. Sometimes a person really wants to be with someone just because it’s “high time.” Or “all my acquaintances/friends have already acquired soul mates, wives, husbands, but I’m still alone.” The reason for all this may be not only fears, but lack of time and a difficult internal state.
Solution. Lack of time is the easiest way to “clean up.” That is, here is the problem when a person’s work and hobbies take up almost all of his free time, not allowing him to go out for a walk and meet someone. Psychologists advise to step back somewhat from hobbies and work in order to free up time to find a lover. At first, this may turn out to be difficult - in the free time that appears, a person simply will not have anything to occupy himself with.
