Is it good or bad to be a perfectionist? What is perfectionism - is it a gift or a disease? Surely you know a person who pays great attention to “everything being perfect.” This person rearranges things several times a day, achieving ideal order. He makes the bed for half an hour, achieving incredible evenness. If such a person needs to complete some task, he does it with such zeal and diligence that he is exhausted. Such people are called perfectionists, and the phenomenon itself is called perfectionism.
It would seem that what’s wrong with striving for perfection? Nothing, if it did not turn into an obsession, began to spoil the life of the perfectionist himself and the people around him.
In psychology, perfectionism is usually called a state in which a person is convinced of the existence of some absolute ideal, the achievement of which must be strived for with every fiber of the soul. How perfect this ideal will be depends on how deep the degree of pathology is.
The term "perfectionism" was first used in the 19th century. The famous philosophers I. Kant and G. Leibniz talked about people who wanted to improve their morality to some incredible limits. After the publication of F. Nietzsche’s work “Thus Spoke Zarathustra,” people began to talk about perfectionism in connection with the theory of the superman. The name of the phenomenon comes from the English word perfect, which translates as “ideal.”
Is perfectionism a mental disorder or a gift?
Very soon, not only philosophers, but also doctors became interested in perfectionism. Psychologists, unlike thinkers, did not see anything funny in this phenomenon; in their opinion, this is a rather serious pathology. Patients observed by doctors worked themselves into a frenzy, their desire for perfection clearly turning into paranoia. The ideal result, as we know, is unattainable, and an attempt to achieve it indicates that a person is not in the best psychological state.
The physicians' view of perfectionism prevailed. From a “special gift” the phenomenon migrated to the section of diseases that require treatment.
According to scientists, the desire to achieve an ideal arises in some people in early childhood. For example, we can recall the well-known psychological condition “excellent student syndrome.” The child strives to get only "A's", he wants to be the best in everything he does, and when this cannot be achieved, the student may have a nervous breakdown.
Such a student is not afraid of any “sanctions” from his parents; on the contrary, he himself feels the need to be the best; for him to give in to something means to humiliate himself. “Excellent student syndrome” is far from a harmless condition; in the future it may well cause serious mental problems. That is why among the recommendations of doctors to parents of students is not to focus on the progress of schoolchildren. Children should study in a relatively relaxed atmosphere; it is impossible to get “A” grades in all subjects, and it is not necessary.
But is striving for perfection really that bad? Not always. Each case must be approached strictly individually. A little “strangeness” can be an organic trait of a person and not interfere with his life. What is wrong with a person receiving pleasure from a job well done? Nothing bad. It is only important that he does not get too upset when he fails to achieve the ideal.
The pathological side of perfectionism is dangerous, when any failure is exaggerated. In this case, the person most likely needs the help of a psychologist.
How to determine your own perfectionism?
On the Internet you can find a lot of tests to determine perfectionism. As a rule, these are photographic photographs with minor flaws. If the photos make you nervous, irritate you, or cause acute rejection, then most likely a perfectionist has settled in a remote corner of your soul. Unfortunately, there is nothing to congratulate here: this condition is by no means something good.
There is a common character trait that distinguishes all perfectionists. This is procrastination. This phenomenon is expressed in the following: a person prefers to postpone unpleasant activities, saying that after a certain time he will do this work much better. A person suffering from procrastination puts off unpleasant work until the deadline - the moment when all the deadlines are running out. And here the perfectionist panics: he hastily gets to work because there is nowhere to go. Naturally, it is impossible to accomplish something in fire mode, inspiration evaporates, and a person falls into prostration.
Pay attention! Perfectionism is psychologically very close to a disease such as anorexia. As a rule, girls and women who are sure that their figure and appearance are not ideal suffer from this pathology. As a result, representatives of the fairer sex exhaust themselves by starvation, refuse food, and dramatically lose weight.
Another characteristic feature of a perfectionist is that very often the pathological desire to achieve an ideal in one direction is “compensated” by complete indifference to other areas. For example, a girl who strives to get “A’s” in all subjects may be careless in everyday life or may not take care of her own appearance at all. The so-called “fad” can only be one and is aimed only at one side of life.
The main signs of perfectionism
Let's take a closer look at the key signs of perfectionism: this will help us better understand what kind of phenomenon it is.
Every decision is given to a perfectionist with great difficulty: he carefully considers every step, reflects, doubts, and is afraid of all sorts of little things. This behavior is relevant not only for behavior at work, but also at home. For example, if a girl spends more than 60 minutes choosing a bag, most likely she is prone to a pathological search for perfection. Interestingly, when choosing, a girl can ask her friend or her boyfriend for advice, but all assurances will only fuel her doubts.
Excessive waste of time on certain things. For example, if a perfectionist is entrusted with the implementation of some serious project, there is very little chance that he will meet the deadline. Most likely, the poor guy will be prone to procrastination; he will make endless corrections, corrections, trying to do everything perfectly. At the same time, a perfectionist most likely does not know what the ideal should be.
Another very striking and characteristic feature of perfectionism is the constant return to the beginning of work, redoing. A person suffering from such a pathology enthusiastically starts a task, but, having not completed it to the end, starts everything over again. For example, penmanship lessons at school. All children try to fill the first page with beautiful letters. In the future, handwriting may deteriorate: the child gets tired, concentration drops. Ordinary children will continue to fill out the pages as they come. Perfectionist children tear out pages with “ugly” handwriting, start all over again, and ask for a new notebook.
Irritation over trifles when something did not turn out as planned, or turned out to be spoiled in the opinion of a perfectionist. For example, if a child throws a tantrum over a fingerprint on his birthday cake, he is likely suffering from a pathological desire for perfection.
These four signs are key, however, it is extremely rare that all of them are combined in one person. Most often there is only one “point”, but it is expressed clearly and clearly. Perfectionism is a very unpleasant and painful state. A person suffering from this pathology has a very difficult life and, what is important, he himself is well aware of this.
One of the most painful forms is work-related perfectionism. In this case, a person’s responsibility extends much beyond his personal space - he can let down the team and management. If the work is not completed properly and on time, then, in addition to psychological consequences, there are also purely practical ones - from deprivation of bonuses to dismissal. In conditions of increased responsibility, the paranoid sides of character manifest themselves with increasing force. A person experiences constant tension and does not relax, which only aggravates the situation. As a result, the perfectionist takes it out on his colleagues or family members.
On the Internet you can find many so-called “memes” about perfectionists. This indicates the prevalence of the phenomenon. One of the manifestations of the desire for an ideal is perfectionism-existentialism: a person knows how to do this or that job perfectly, but does not see the point in it. This is a kind of metaphysical fatalism.
Why is perfectionism dangerous?
The desire to achieve an absolute ideal is considered by many to be a disease that requires mandatory treatment. Psychologists do not agree with this point of view. There are mild forms of perfectionism that do not develop into pathological passion. For example, if a person likes to cut cucumbers into very even cubes, there is nothing wrong with that. It’s a different matter if trivial things acquire special meaning for a person, some kind of sacred meaning. For example, an unevenly cut carrot makes the soup “inedible,” and a crookedly cut watermelon goes in the trash. In these cases, it makes sense to talk about the pathological nature of perfectionism.
A person thinking about the attractiveness of the search for perfection can only be advised to give up these thoughts as soon as possible. There is nothing good or exciting about perfectionism: if you manage to develop this “superpower” in yourself, you will very soon regret it.
Methods for dealing with perfectionism
Fighting techniques
It is important to understand that perfectionism belongs to the area of psychological disorders, not mental ones. The person is by no means a psychopath, but the "stuck" can be quite unpleasant and have a serious negative impact on life. Those who want to overcome this side of their character or help a loved one should follow the instructions of eight main points.
- It is necessary to give yourself a new attitude in life: this world is not perfect and changing it for the better is a useless task that is beyond the power of one person. Let's remember the old eastern proverb: there is no need to cover the ground with carpets, just put on shoes.
- It should be understood that an attempt to achieve an ideal results in problems that are offset by the hypothetical achievement of perfection. Before you commit any action, you should evaluate how beneficial it is. For example, if a perfectionist, in order to lose weight, has to give up a proper diet, the end does not justify the means.
- We set our life priorities correctly. It is impossible to catch up with all the hares. No one can be successful in many fields. You need to choose one direction and achieve the best results in it.
- The smaller the goal, the better. By setting a small task for himself, a person moves step by step towards achieving something big. This is how learning foreign languages or, for example, the ten-finger touch typing technique occurs. By the way, the joy from overcoming a small difficulty is no less deep and complete than from a great achievement.
- You should always remember what has already been achieved. Perfectionists are characterized by pessimism; they completely forget about the peaks that they have already managed to overcome. Such people see only the bad around them, they are always dissatisfied with their life and work. If depression appears, everything falls out of hand, a feeling of uselessness appears - you need to remember what has already been achieved.
- Do not take the opinions of others as the ultimate truth. Perfectionists have a very unpleasant trait - the desire to look perfect for everyone. But it is impossible to achieve this - people are very different and if we please one, we will certainly not please the other. The best option is to do something good for yourself and your relatives.
- Feel free to trust others with your work. People suffering from perfectionism are often terrified of entrusting anything to others. They are sure: without their “decisive participation” the ideal result will definitely not be achieved! Well, so what? After all, it’s not your fault, but the one who did the work! Let him be responsible for the result.
- Look for the good in yourself, not the bad. Try to find pleasant sides in your own character. Please note that kindness and the desire to come to the aid of our loved ones are much more expensive than an ideal result in some matter (especially, it is not known whether this result will be achieved).
If these eight steps don't help you overcome your own perfectionism, you need to seek mental health help from a professional. A psychologist will certainly help you find a way out of any impasse.
Video: how to get rid of perfectionism
Psychologists advise perfectionists to “replay” in their heads the phrase that the best is the enemy of the good. If you constantly strive for perfection, you can destroy the good things that have already been achieved. For example, a girl needed a beautiful dress to go to the theater. She visited all the stores, tried on dozens of models, but did not find anything suitable. As a result, the girl had to stay home. She is dissatisfied with life and with herself. Plus, her friends, with whom the girl was going to the theater, were offended. So the desire for ideal launched a negative scenario, a whole chain of unpleasant events.
Ecology of consciousness: Perfectionism is an unjustified, painful desire for unattainable perfection, taken to the extreme. This is the desire to bring any business to the ideal, a tendency to place exaggerated demands on both oneself and the people around you.
Perfectionism is an unjustified, painful desire for unattainable perfection, taken to the extreme. This is the desire to bring any business to the ideal, a tendency to place exaggerated demands on both oneself and the people around you.
A perfectionist strives to prove to everyone that he is the most, the most, the most... the best, perfect.
The main signs of perfectionism:
Very high demands on oneself;
Focus on the “most successful”;
Constantly comparing yourself with others;
Perception of surrounding people as demanding and critical;
“Focusing” on one’s own mistakes and failures;
Planning and evaluating activities using the “all or nothing” principle.
In everyday life, perfectionism causes many problems. If a perfectionist doesn’t have time to do something properly (and he has no right to do something wrong!), he simply won’t do anything. The desire to “polish” every little detail, to bring any result to the ideal, leads to a perfectionist almost always feeling dissatisfied with the quality of the work performed. He takes criticism very sensitively.
A perfectionist believes that a less than stellar result is no result at all. And this is a big mistake.
The reasons for perfectionism can be very different. Everyone has their own:
Very often, former excellent students, who are accustomed to doing everything perfectly, suffer from perfectionism;
Often, perfectionism hides the fear of negative evaluation: “It’s not finished yet, it’s not finished...”;
It happens that perfectionism is a way to spend more time doing what a person likes to do and what he can do. This is a way, by doing nonsense until he achieves perfection, to delay time and avoid work that he does not want to do;
A person’s desire to do any job perfectly often results in loneliness, since it is not so easy to find friends who meet extremely high requirements. The desire to flawlessly perform even the most insignificant tasks takes up a colossal amount of time, so a person has no time left for rest and entertainment. A perfectionist is under constant stress because excellent results constantly need to be confirmed. He prefers not to cooperate with the people around him, but to compete and compete.
Sooner or later, every perfectionist experiences feelings of hopelessness, fatigue and anxiety. As a result, against the background of chronic stress and overwork, weakness, headaches occur, chronic diseases worsen, and neurosis develops.
Perfectionism is a direct path to anxiety and depression. This is a serious problem of self-affirmation and competitiveness. I remembered one of my friends who proudly told me that she, who worked as an accountant during the day, spent almost every day until 2-3 o’clock in the morning polishing kitchen utensils to a shine, ironing towels on both sides, etc. etc. It ended, unfortunately, with a massive heart attack at the age of 40. Her two sons, schoolchildren, were left orphans...
What can you do to get rid of perfectionism?
First of all, you need to put things in order in your head and stop confusing the desire for perfection with perfectionism. The desire to do an excellent job is a wonderful quality that, within reasonable limits, is not perfectionism. If a person cannot afford to hand over poorly completed work, this is not perfectionism, but a responsible attitude to work. But if a person does not deliver work on time only because he wants perfection, which is necessary only for him and not needed by others - this is perfectionism.
Therefore, the most correct thing is:
Replace the desire for unjustified perfection with the desire for reasonable perfection, that is, to do as well as possible what you can, within the time allocated for this task.
Learn to correctly prioritize and distribute your efforts according to their importance.
Perceive failures as a natural, integral part of life and treat them condescendingly.
Praise yourself more often and see not only your shortcomings, but also your strengths.
Learn to enjoy life.
After all, Kozma Prutkov said:“You cannot embrace the immensity.” published
Perfectionism– this is a person’s position regarding which absolutely everything must be done in an ideal way. Perfectionism can have a pathological form, then it reveals a position in which a non-ideal result becomes unacceptable to the individual. Not all people know what perfectionism is, since the use of this term arose not too long ago. Perfectionism can be a characteristic of a completely healthy individual, or it can be a neurotic deviation.
To understand what perfectionism is, you should consider its aspects, signs and causes.
The term perfectionism means perfection, the desire to do everything perfectly.
Personal perfectionism manifests itself in self-censorship and an invincible attraction to perfection.
Perfectionism aimed at others is expressed in high demands placed on them, aversion to carelessness and the habit of displaying disorder.
Peace-oriented perfectionism is a personal position that asserts a universal order, the norms of which are determined by one individual.
Socially conditioned perfectionism is the need to always meet the expectations of others, to act relative to the standards they set.
What is perfectionism - definition
There are several signs of perfectionism: scrupulousness and increased attention to minor details; the desire to bring every action to the ideal; aggressive form of depressive human behavior.
What is perfectionism? This is the desire to bring everything to a state of perfection, which is expressed by:
- excessive concentration of the individual on the mistakes of others and personal ones;
— strong doubts regarding the speed and quality of performing one’s activities;
— inflated standards, leading to a visible decrease in satisfaction with the fruits of one’s activities;
- high sensitivity to high expectations;
- strong sensitivity to criticism.
Perfectionism, as a quality, can completely satisfy a person, since it teaches him to be disciplined. If this prevents you from living fully and being mentally balanced, then it is worth finding out what caused this quality to arise.
The reasons for perfectionism, like many others, lie in childhood, or rather in upbringing. If a child was raised in an authoritarian family, then he acquires excellent student syndrome and develops perfectionism. Such a child proves that he is worthy of the attention and encouragement of his too strict parents.
Parents with an authoritarian parenting style like to set too high standards for their children, leading to nervous exhaustion. If children fail to achieve the set “standards,” then they succumb to psychological abuse or physical punishment.
Perfectionism - the meaning of the word is often misinterpreted in everyday life. Thus, perfectionism is often confused with a person’s strong passion for some activity, which is not correct. A child who has become a victim of domestic tyranny will naturally strive to intensively work on his shortcomings. In contrast to the average workaholic, such a child will make it his goal to complete the necessary task not just efficiently, but flawlessly. This is precisely what becomes the goal of the future life of the child, who will become an adult perfectionist.
Healthy perfectionism at work is found in leadership qualities, great efficiency, and activity. At the same time, he assesses real abilities very soberly.
Healthy perfectionism at work can develop into a degree of mild excitement or excitement. An individual who has healthy perfectionism focuses on personal potentials and ways to achieve goals.
Perfectionism is a very controversial concept. Thus, supporters of perfectionism believe that a person’s obsessive desire to be perfect makes him a master. Others consider perfectionism to be boring.
Perfectionism does not allow an individual to stop; it encourages him to constantly develop and learn new things. However, the following remains unclear: whether character traits are a consequence of acquired perfectionism or whether the traits themselves are conducive to the development of perfectionism.
The desire to be absolutely perfect is a rather commendable quality, as long as it does not develop into an obsessive and haunting desire to achieve an exclusively ideal result, by correcting something that no longer requires correction. Such a person wastes personal time in vain to achieve a practically unattainable goal, since the ideal level of its implementation already exists.
Thus, perfectionism forms a stable cycle, as a result of which it turns out that a person does nothing significant for a long time. He manages to improve something a little, but later everything comes to the conclusion that the “improvements” require significant alterations. Therefore, the process itself becomes a boring routine that requires considerable expenditure of time and effort, which is a real disaster for individuals with creative inclinations or professions.
Individuals with pronounced perfectionism may establish too strong a connection between their sense of self-worth and their job performance. It turns out that a lot of time is spent on paying attention to unnecessary or unimportant details, which, of course, noticeably slows down the pace of the entire work, reducing overall productivity.
A person with perfectionism is inclined to expect the emergence of special conditions that will contribute to the fact that the ideal result of an activity can be presented immediately, in a completely finished form. Such a person spends a large amount of time paying too much attention to minor details of the final product of the activity. Often such things lose their original flavor and end up looking artificial.
Individuals with perfectionism, in order not to spoil their impeccable image, are able to very gracefully hide their mistakes or not translate their intentions into actions. Such people consider their life position to be all or nothing. It turns out that while perfectionists wait for ideal conditions to come to fruition, other people prefer to act in the present, even if they make mistakes.
Sometimes two concepts are used together - perfectionism and procrastination. Procrastination is a person’s tendency to delay starting any task in order to complete it perfectly. The problem with this behavior lies in the fact that the beginning of the task may not come, because the longer it is postponed, the more oppressive and unpleasant it seems.
Perfectionism and procrastination are concepts that flow from each other, since an ardent perfectionist procrastinates until it seems to him that everything is going perfectly, but it may not come to that.
Perfectionism is a quality that causes trouble not only for the perfectionist and those around him, but also has a negative impact on a person’s economic condition. For example, a person who fails to commit to the deadline allocated for completing a task must start over or ask for more time, which often entails material costs.
It is still very important to determine what the reasons for perfectionism are, what motivates people to restlessly strive for the ideal. Many people believe that all mental disorders or psychological deviations arise during childhood. They are almost right, but one cannot say so radically. For example, the causes of perfectionism can appear in adulthood.
The pace of the modern world dictates new rules; everyone wants the job to be done perfectly. So, at work or in schools, institutes, very high demands are placed on people, often their fulfillment seems unattainable, but a person has to make efforts that he “squeezes out” of himself in order to show an ideal result.
Those who set the rules and external boundaries do not realize how negatively this affects the health of the individual. If it is not possible to achieve an absolute result, although a person gives his best, he begins to doubt his knowledge and strength. The conclusion suggests itself that perfect success can only be achieved by becoming the most ideal student or employee, which actually forms perfectionism.
Reasons for perfectionism originate in childhood. Parenting style has a direct influence on the education of perfectionism. If parents raise children using an authoritarian style, making great demands on the child, they are constantly being evaluated and compared with other children, with classmates or friends. Gradually, the child develops the principle - when I do everything perfectly, then they love me, if I make a mistake, they will stop loving me.
Thus, many factors influence the development of a child’s inflated demands (that is, perfectionism) - constantly changing assessment, positive acceptance of the child only when he is successful, lack of stability (the child is good one day, bad the next), lack of sincere trust in parents (the child is always time worries that he will make a mistake and disappoint them).
The second example demonstrates that perfectionism can develop because parents themselves are perfectionists and raise their children according to this. They teach that everything should always be perfect and nothing else - this is the basic rule of perfectionism.
Another type of cause of perfectionism from childhood is a parenting style in which parents allow the child everything. They make efforts so that the child does not encounter failure, so that he does not have to work too hard, they smooth out all the sharp corners of the child’s contact with difficulties, create artificial situations of success and reward him for them. Such “too kind” parents do not realize that they are making a huge mistake.
When a child grows up, he undoubtedly faces the realities of life; he finds himself unprepared for this meeting. This child feels incongruent with what he has faced and what he has previously experienced, and he experiences failure because his goals seem unattainable. As a result, the child will believe that he can become a failure, so he will try not to put himself in unfavorable situations, but will try to do his best to become a better person. This overwhelming drive leads to the foundation of perfectionism.
If perfectionism is expressed in moderation, then everything is fine, if these are extreme forms of behavior, then this greatly complicates a person’s personal life and affects his environment. It is quite difficult for an adult perfectionist to find friends, create a family, and not criticize loving people. He tries to force everyone to comply with his rules and principles, which are really difficult to comply with.
No one would dare to say that perfectionism is a bad and unnecessary personality trait, the main thing is in what “doses” it is present. If perfectionism is “normal”, not bordering on a mental disorder, then it will serve as a driving force for a person, stimulate the individual, contribute to achieving success, and improving the standard of living.
Pathological perfectionism, on the contrary, hinders the development of personality and will contribute to the destruction of the personality itself, everything around, and the overall quality of life. Owners of the “excellent student syndrome” (perfectionism) must know how usefully they can use their character traits and direct them in the right direction.
The pathological form of perfectionism has such an impact that a person’s internal positions in life change, he declares that others are obliged to comply with them. Thus, the consciousness of a perfectionist stimulates a person to fit everything into his framework and imprison others within it.
A perfectionist can be endlessly reminded that he has problems regarding the perception of the world and himself personally, told that he sets high and exorbitant demands and goals that he intends for himself, which are often unrealistic to achieve. But you can only waste your time, since the perfectionist’s reaction to all statements made to him will be denial, defense of his own positions and rejection of the other person’s opinion.
If, over time, the perfectionist himself realized that he senses the complexity of his existence, using such attitudes, or life itself makes adjustments and he happens to look at himself, understand that life positions are unconstructive, only then, perhaps, will the person want to change. It is impossible to completely eradicate the attitudes of a perfectionist, but it is quite possible to concentrate them in a constructive direction and slightly modify them.
How to get rid of perfectionism
How to deal with perfectionism? This is a question that occupies not so much the perfectionist himself as those around him. Those who often have the opportunity to communicate with a perfectionist complain about his demanding behavior.
To overcome perfectionism, a person must adhere to certain techniques. Before starting to perform a certain task, it is necessary to first formulate the goal itself, then the criteria by which it will be possible to determine the high-quality completion of the task. Next, you should create a setting to prevent “over-fulfillment of the task.” Then it turns out that, thanks to the criteria and setting, the person will be able to understand that he has completed the task, and no one will need the “super result”.
A number of criteria for a successful result should include the cost of achievement. Often, in their pursuit of quality, perfectionists forget about price. Therefore, it is necessary to clearly define the boundaries of an acceptable price for the result. This price should consist not only of money, but also of the energy expended, health and negative experiences.
Also, the list of criteria should include the time spent on achieving the goal. It is not enough that the task will be completed well, it must be completed on time. Therefore, it is extremely important to set a time frame beyond which it is necessary to stop increasing the quality of performance.
If a person is concerned about his behavior, he wants to change himself, and he is interested in how to deal with perfectionism, then the main thing is to understand that it is impossible to please everyone and work to please everyone. If you like the result of the work and the person completed it, then there is no need to overdo it. There will still be individuals who will not like the result. This is actually why there is no need to correct your report, plan, presentation or other work result a hundred times. Perhaps not everyone will be delighted with the work presented, but one hundred percent there will be those who will like everything, or even consider its execution ideal.
Developing the ability to delegate tasks will help a person get rid of perfectionism. Individuals with perfectionism find it very difficult to delegate work to another person because they are nervous and doubt the quality of the work. This often happens in group work, when workers or students are divided into subgroups, given a task and a task to which everyone must contribute. The perfectionist does not trust the abilities of other individuals, and takes responsibility for everything.
That is why a perfectionist should start learning to shift a certain part of the responsibilities to others. It doesn't have to be directly related to just work. You can start with everyday household chores: ironing clothes, cooking, cleaning. The main thing is to entrust the work to others and not observe the process, and then not redo it in your own way. Gradually a person gets used to it.
Even if the job wasn’t done perfectly, you shouldn’t get hung up on looking for flaws. A person who wants to reduce the manifestation of obsessive perfectionism should not forget to make a list of upcoming tasks for tomorrow. After compiling, re-read it carefully, weed out unimportant tasks and save only the most significant and urgent ones. This way, you won’t have to keep everything in your head, tasks will be completed faster, because looking at the list, the individual will see that there is no time to finalize or correct anything, because there are still things to do.
How to deal with perfectionism? A compiled list of losses that occurred as a result of increased demands on life, others and oneself will help with this. A person should think about how many wonderful moments of life he has missed, how many loved ones he has lost, how many nerves he and his loved ones have spent.
It is necessary to analyze your fears about the work not being completed. If a person is afraid of not having time to do it perfectly, then he needs to start doing it, and not procrastinate, and if the deadline has come, then he needs to show the result as it is at that moment. Any mistake should be accepted as a component on the path to success. Errors form experience; having learned from them once, you can predict the likely repetition of the error.
It is necessary to learn to identify and separate the most important and less important. Timeliness is the criterion of quality. Therefore, in the process of work, you do not need to focus on tiny details and their processing; you should highlight the main aspects and work on them.
If an opportunity is observed, then you should take a break to evaluate the outcome of the work with fresh eyes. There is a high probability that it will not be as bad as it seemed at first. There must be a mandatory rest once a week. While resting, you need to forget about work, upcoming and past affairs, and simply do absolutely nothing.
When reviewing your to-do list, it is important to highlight in it a task that can be completed not one hundred percent, imperfection can be allowed, but not in a serious matter. For example, wear a cardigan instead of a jacket, comb your hair differently, change your personal nutrition habits, and make adjustments to your daily routine. Gradually the understanding will come that without perfectionism it is much more interesting and easier to live.
The everyday practice of exaggerating demands on oneself or on other people, especially loved ones, and the desire for an ideal in the performance of any action by a person is usually called perfectionism. This definition is the most accurate. It is based on a translation from Latin - “Perfectus”, and French - “Perfection” - perfection.
According to another version, the concept of “perfectionism” comes from the English slogan “perfect, perfection”, which is literally translated into Russian as perfection, ideal.
A person whose main character trait is placing increased demands on himself and who has the desire to always do everything “excellently”, who believes that there should be a certain order in his environment, is called a perfectionist.
For him there is no rule, “if you can’t change the situation, then change your attitude towards it.” He will strive to solve an unsolvable problem. But he needs the understanding and support of the people around him. If this is not the case, the perfectionist feels uncomfortable.
It should be noted that even with “human warmth,” a perfectionist will not always be able to accept it. This is due to his isolation from society. Often, this character trait is mistaken for social phobia (fear of public condemnation).
His standards, whether set by himself or those around him, are often unrealistic.
Psychological interpretation
In psychology, the concept of “perfectionism” is interpreted as the belief that everything in life should be done flawlessly, that is, the ideal must be achieved.
This position in a person manifests itself both towards oneself - autoperfectionism, and towards others - socioperfectionism.
Auto-perfectionism is the desire to do everything flawlessly yourself.
Socio-perfectionism is the desire to demand from other people to do everything to the maximum, “perfectly.”
This desire, with excessive full dedication to the search for ideals and the desire to be the best always and in everything, can develop into a psychological, and then mental disorder (pathological mental disorder).
A psychological disorder can turn into a mental disorder if, at the first stage of its initial manifestation, it remains unnoticed.
Components that make up the character trait of impeccability
The components of such a phenomenon as perfectionism include:
- A personal standard set by a subject to himself.
- The subject's denial of his mistakes and the tendency to consider them his failures.
- Permanence regarding one's activities.
- Planning your own life and accurately fulfilling what you planned, deviation from which is perceived as an error in action and does not depend on circumstances.
- Auto-perfectionism.
- Socio-perfectionism.
Diagnostic methods
Unfortunately, perfectionism has been studied very little. But methods for diagnosing the levels of this phenomenon are already known. The most popular of them include:
Specialist assistants in solving problems
If a perfectionist is at the primary stage of the disease of the same name, then psychological assistance provided by a professional specialist (psychologist or psychotherapist) is sufficient.
When faced with a disease that has become clinical, the intervention of a psychiatrist is required.
Treatment methods
It is impossible to give an unambiguous recommendation in methods of treating such a phenomenon as perfectionism. This is because each patient is completely unique. Therefore, in each individual case an individual approach to solving the problem is required.
The methods by which perfectionism is treated, from which a map can be formed for individual work with the patient, are borrowed from variations in the treatment of neuroses, depression, depressive states, emotional burnout and from work with clients with suicidal tendencies.
Their eating behavior is quite often disrupted, and taste sensations disappear. If such problems arise, an item on restoring eating behavior is included in the individual card for working with the patient.
Distinctive character traits inherent in such people
A perfectionist is distinguished by:
- excessive demands on oneself;
- stinginess with feelings - he is not used to sharing the emotions he experiences with the people around him;
- always and everywhere collected, tense and focused;
- compromises are not typical for a perfectionist and are practically impossible;
- he never admits that he is wrong - there is no possibility for him to come to terms with it and accept his mistake;
- He is also characterized by a feeling of shame, if someone notices his mistake or oversight, as a result, in order to hide them, he (on a subconscious level) may have a prerequisite for the manifestation of anger and aggression.
The reasons for the occurrence of such impeccability syndrome
Impeccability is a synonymous word for perfectionism. The main reason for the emergence of the prerequisites for such a phenomenon as perfectionism is the problems of childhood and adolescence.
For example -
It is precisely such demands that precede the generation of low self-esteem in a person and at the same time the desire to be noticed. Hear praise addressed to you. It follows that he fears failure.
Also, one of the reasons for the emergence of such a phenomenon as perfectionism in a person is the “excellent student syndrome”, which follows him from early childhood. The reason for the development of which is most often in the parental opinion that the child should only study “excellently” and be an example for others. Often parents do not think that such a formulation of the question does not allow the little person to relax, because the responsibility imposed by the parents “presses” on him.
Communication and interpersonal relationships of people who always strive to be the best
When communicating with friends and the opposite sex, perfectionists are cold and distant.
If a perfectionist is not satisfied with something in the behavior or reaction to his actions of a partner or friend, then with seeming ease (although in his soul it will be very difficult) he will part with the people close to him.
Having a perfectionist in your environment, you should remember the peculiarities in his character and try to put up with them. Then it will be easier to build the right dialogue so that you understand each other and avoid conflict.
The history of this concept
The concept of “perfectionism” became widely known in the 19th century. It is found in the works of: I. Kant, P. Leibniz and many thinkers of that time.
According to them, a perfectionist is a person striving for moral self-improvement. At first it was classified as one of the categories of philosophy. Only then did the concept of “perfectionism” transition to psychology, where it firmly occupied its niche, and it seems this will be forever.
Two sides of perfection
Perfectionism (impeccability), like any other phenomenon, has two sides.
On the one hand, perfectionism generates in a person the spirit of leadership and the desire to always be the only one right. This especially happens when everyone around him praises him, even for the slightest achievement.
On the other hand, perfectionism, that is, the desire to be a leader and do everything perfectly, is generated by the fact that this person’s achievements remain unnoticed by others, then he takes offense at these people and tries to reduce his communication with them to almost zero.
Gender differences in the manifestation of impeccability
Representatives of each gender have their own unique characteristics and manifestations of perfectionism. But men are susceptible to it much more often than women. The beginnings of the disease in individuals, regardless of gender, begin in childhood.
People suffering from perfectionism are exhausted and weakened. They may lose their sense of reality and not notice the joy of life. They are always tense and cannot reflect. Their mind is constantly occupied with the thought of bringing unnecessary small things to perfection. The result is terrible - all the needs of the body are ignored by the perfectionist. He does not rest, does not walk, does not sleep or eat.
Male perfectionism
From an early age, a boy is told that he must be the support and head of the family. In adulthood, this leads to the desire to take care of everyone around him.
But as the stages of the disease progress, his caring behavior is reduced. In its place (care) comes directiveness, characterized by the desire to indicate to everyone around him how to do things so that it is better for everyone (in his main and indisputable opinion).
The consequence of this may be excessive mental stress, which, if inappropriate attention is given, leads to emotional burnout, and less often to biological burnout (death).
Professionally, there are also drastic changes, which can be of two options:
- lack of desire to fulfill one's responsibilities;
- or, on the contrary, there is a desire to do everything with the highest quality.
He considers himself the true final authority, whose opinion is the only true and correct one. In the clothes of a perfectionist man, everything is always brand new.
Female perfectionism
For women who are perfectionists, the most important thing in life is usually their career.
They should look impeccable and presentable. Their appearance is always impeccable.
In communication, perfectionists are unfriendly and strict.
Family relationships are secondary for them. Most often, it is because of their perfectionism that their marriages break up. Remarriage is unacceptable to them. If they nevertheless decide to repeat the family experience, then the result will be the same - divorce and loneliness.
Conclusion
When a person has the phenomenon of impeccability (perfectionism), people around him think about whether this is bad or good. It is impossible to answer this question because each case is individual. Each case of manifestation of such a phenomenon has its own original root.
For some, this character trait is an assistant in all matters and endeavors. He takes pleasure in doing everything flawlessly and basking in the attention and admiration of public assessments. This is a healthy perfectionist.
For some, this character trait is an obstacle to normal social adaptation. Such a person often cannot fully interact with society. In this case, a pathological form of perfectionism appears. This perfectionism will certainly lead to a mental personality disorder, which harms the person himself, the bearer of the quality of impeccability, and his constant close circle.
It is impossible to get rid of perfectionism through medication. Complex medical and psychotherapeutic therapy takes place here. It should be noted that medications are less effective than the work of a specialist such as a psychotherapist.
Pills and injections can only stop the disease, but not eliminate it.
