- Truth and Truth
—What should you consider before speaking truthfully?
— Honesty in family relationships
— Some tips on “truthful living”
- Do I have to tell the truth to my face?
- Conclusion

Is it true- this is what a person BELIEVES. Truth is what he KNOWS (we proceed from the fact that knowledge is an accurate reflection of the objective situation). The relationships between both are quite bizarre. You can tell the truth and not deviate one iota from the truth, and this is just very simple to understand. You can tell the truth and be catastrophically far from the truth. This is a little more difficult to understand. You can lie and still assert the truth. This is the most difficult thing to understand, so I’ll explain it with a simple everyday illustration.

One friend asks another: “Why did you come without your wife? We invited you both.” He replies: “You know, she’s sick, she’s lying flat, and her temperature is under forty.” At the same time, he lies like a gray gelding - he didn’t even come home, didn’t call, and has no idea what happened to his wife. And in general, I obviously didn’t intend to take her with me to this party. Meanwhile, his wife really fell ill. And it really lies “in a layer” with a temperature of about forty. This is the TRUTH. But this truth does not make the husband's lie the TRUTH. His lies remain lies.

The verbs “to lie” and “to deceive” are not synonymous at all. You can lie to yourself very well, but you won’t deceive anyone. And you can deceive in the best possible way, using the pure truth for this. The first is simple, but for the second - a household example.

Walk into the grocery store and see a bottle of vegetable oil with the label saying, “CHOLESTEROL FREE!” This is the honest truth written. Does not contain. And it cannot contain it, because it is a plant product and not of animal origin. But there is deception. Nearby there are bottles of oil from another manufacturer. On which there is no such inscription. Of course, there is no cholesterol either. But many buyers will buy the first product, and not the second, precisely for this reason - they will consider the absence of cholesterol in the oil of THIS manufacturer to be an ADVANTAGE over others. Therefore it is important to know.

—What should you consider before speaking truthfully?

1) Ask yourself: “What benefit will the truth bring in this situation?”
In order to weigh the need for recognition, you need to look at the situation abstractly. It is likely that the truth will not change anything, or even make it worse. Then what's the point of dragging her out?

2) Put yourself in the shoes of the person to whom you are going to tell the truth. How pleased would you be to hear it? Is it necessary to inflict a mental wound on a person, is the truth worth it?

3) Be not only honest, but also tactful.
In order to tell the truth, sometimes you need to choose the right time and place, as well as words.

4) Do not cut the truth rashly, being at the mercy of emotions.
In this state, we are unable to control the spoken words and evaluate their significance for a person. Sometimes this can lead to serious consequences.

The truth is certainly important. However, we have long grown out of children’s pants and can fully appreciate how necessary or even dangerous the truth can become in a given situation. If its significance is not comparable to the sacrifice made, then such truth may be worth abandoning. At the same time, you will not become a “liar,” but will be a wise person who is fully aware of the powerful power of the weapon called “truth.”

Telling the truth is easy and pleasant, but only when it will help make changes for the better and make people happier. When you decide to be honest, be sure to weigh all the pros and cons and then your words will not become destructive for the other person.

When communicating and raising your children, be consistent and do not allow your words to diverge greatly from your actions. Otherwise, you risk turning your child into a pathological liar. Explain to him the basic rules accepted in society and the possible consequences of breaking them.

If you don’t know whether to tell the truth to another person, focus on yourself in this matter: are you ready to sacrifice the principles of “truth”, or are you not ready to betray yourself in this situation? It seems to me that “betrayal of oneself” is often more destructive for a person’s personality, but does not relieve him of responsibility for the consequences that may occur in any case.

When choosing to “tell the truth,” try to say less of your assessments and opinions about others, and pay more attention to your experiences and your feelings about a situation or person. “I-Statements” will help here when you start your phrases with the pronoun “I”: “I feel, I think, I believe, I experience, I relate, I evaluate...”

Make sure you want to know the whole truth about yourself from others? Are you brave enough to listen to this? Therefore, you should not discount the strategy: the less you know, the better you sleep!

- Do I have to tell the truth to my face?

Very often, words seem to break against the wall, people do not hear your advice. This can be attributed to the fact that people themselves are full of pride and prefer to hear only what is more pleasant to them, what does not upset them and does not diverge from their vision of life. The desire to live with an illusion is sometimes many times preferable to the truth for them. There is also a second side to the coin - we are too straightforward in our frankness.

The truth is often compared to a bitter pill that is placed right in front of a person and demanded that he eat it without washing it down with water. But it would be possible to serve bitter medicine in such a way that a person would not feel that he had to eat something wrong.

The truth is always bitter (only a lie can be sweet). It depends only on you how a person will perceive it. The same expression can be pronounced in different intonations, in different words, softly or rudely, directly or from afar. Ideally, it is better to start from afar. Talk as if about someone else who makes exactly the same mistake. You tell it as if you read something in one of the books.

This way, the person will be more inclined to hear you. It's better than throwing the truth in your face. If you have to speak directly, do it in a way that does not make the person feel guilty. In fact, every person realizes that he did wrong, but not everyone is able to admit this to others, even to themselves. That is why we are all so inclined to look for the guilty in anyone, but not in ourselves.

Every time you are faced with a choice to tell or not tell the truth, remember:

1) the truth is sometimes useful and sometimes useless;
2) the truth can break a person;
3) sometimes it is better to remain silent;
4) try to ask yourself the question: who will benefit from this truth and how;
5) put yourself in the other person’s shoes;
6) no need to tell the truth rashly;
7) do not tell the truth in conflict situations.
Before telling the truth, take time, think and choose the right words. In this case, you can be not only honest, but also a tactful person.

- Conclusion

Many parents teach their children to always tell the truth from childhood. At school we are taught the same thing. However, as the child grows up, he begins to understand that if you always tell the truth, you can unwittingly offend a person. And the parents, whom he unknowingly copies, do not always tell the truth.

Is it really necessary to always tell the truth? Or sometimes it’s worth hiding something for the sake of the peace of mind of your loved ones and friends. Moreover, your little lie will not harm anyone. It's up to you to decide. Telling the truth is, of course, good. But it is not always justified. Sometimes it is better to remain silent if your words may hurt someone.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

Quite by accident I came across an article on the Internet. The article already has a fairly long shelf life. You could even say that she has a beard, but right now she came in handy. I think this is because this is an eternal theme - honesty.

Honesty and... personal branding. In the past, branding was mostly corporate. And now personal branding sometimes turns out to be much more important than the company brand. What is the relationship between personal branding and integrity? Directly. Because when you build your brand, you can't be honest people and you find yourself in your own trap. And in order to get out of there, you need to start telling people the truth again. But the truth is that people don't really like honesty. And this applies to both the business world and the personal environment. What would happen if you suddenly started answering questions honestly and telling them how you really were doing?

Which friend is better: the one who will tell the truth, because he is not indifferent to his friend, or the one who will remain silent or say that the choice of a life partner/work/new house/tie is even nothing, as long as he likes it? As practice has shown, the one who assents or shrugs is better. And the one who answers the question honestly turns out to be an enemy.

The same goes for work. If you are building your personal brand, then you must be successful: publish beautiful photos with beautiful and successful (or you can do both separately) people in beautiful places; give comments in fashion magazines; periodically star in front of cameras and delight their fans with photos on Instagram and Facebook. And no one is at all interested in knowing, it’s even harmful to know that you really hate being photographed, that you’re already tired of giving comments, or that you want to stay as far away as possible from those with whom you constantly appear in photographs?

But you can't do that because then you will lose the respect of the public and your customers. You will lose your own brand and, as a result, money. But it is also difficult to endure this for a long time, and sooner or later a person has a nervous breakdown, because he constantly lies to himself and others.

It's like signing a contract with a company - you can't talk bad about it as long as you work with it. But as soon as the contract ends (or you break it yourself with all the ensuing consequences), you become free again and can finally express your real feelings about the brand you worked with. But breaking a contract with yourself is much more difficult.

What will happen if you suddenly start telling everyone the truth? And it will be a lot of fun! Believe me, I know what I'm talking about ;)

People will stop talking to you

If you start telling the truth, be prepared for some people to stop talking to you. This could be your family, your friends, your colleagues and your investors. Get ready for the fact that your environment will change dramatically, and this applies to both real people and your “friends” on social networks.

When you tell the truth, it's hard not to offend someone. But it is also known that only those who benefit from it are offended. If a person is honest with himself, it is very difficult to offend him. You can only cause him bewilderment by your actions.

People may think you've decided to take your own life.

Imagine what will happen if you start writing only the truth to your feed? Most likely, if the day has been difficult, each post will resemble a suicide note or it will clearly contain signs of manic-depressive psychosis.

People will start to think you're crazy

Reading your posts or communicating with you personally, many will begin to have a completely natural question: “Are you crazy?!” It is possible that they will start asking your friends or loved ones this question and inquire about your general mental state. Someone can kindly recommend a good psychoanalyst.

People will start to get scared

People will start labeling you. Some will say that you are just trying to stand out from the crowd and be “different from everyone else” (city madman or crazy genius - who knows?). Some will call it an upstart. Telling the truth is not a very natural behavior for modern Homo sapiens, and no one likes it when someone stands up at a company meeting and starts telling the truth about what is wrong. In general, few people like it when they tell the truth about obviously unsuccessful things.

People will start to find you funny

Once people around you get used to what you say, some will even find you funny and people will slowly start coming back to you. They will be wondering what this madman will come up with this time? And, most importantly, they will be confident in the 100% truthfulness of what you write or say. You will become almost the only source of “uncensored” news for them. You will become something like a series that is difficult to tear yourself away from, only cooler.

After the stage of getting used to it and getting used to it, people will begin to trust you. Because they will know for sure that you will tell them the truth, and not sing beautiful stories into their ears just to sell something. They may not like you, they may even be afraid of you, but they will still come for advice. You can become something of a last resort, King Solomon in your settlement.

You will become free

And the last, most pleasant stage - you will become free from your golden cage of your own brand and build yourself a new brand that will have no boundaries. If before, you didn’t say what you really liked or what you really thought about this or that issue because you were afraid of not pleasing someone or losing friends, now you can safely say what you really think. Because there will be people around who like you precisely because of their personal preferences, and not because you agree with them just to please.

And it will definitely become easier for you, because now you won’t have to keep track of what you wrote, or what you wore, or who you now appear with in photographs. You are you. And there are those people next to you who love you, value you and trust you precisely because of this.

Honesty should not be confused with outright rudeness and rudeness. This freedom does not mean that you can say nasty things left and right. This freedom means that you can now build your personal brand on trust, make yourself better, and learn to be responsible for what you say.

Is there a white lie? Maybe. A couple of times I had to hold back or lie with the best intentions. I think you did that too. But what can be considered a white lie, and how justified is its use? Let's try to figure it out.

Naturally, the most popular reason is the desire to deceive for one’s own benefit or for the sake of preserving a relationship. But there is a second form of lying - the so-called white lie. When to use it:

to encourage a person to fight;
to keep calm, not to make someone nervous;
so as not to offend a friend;
to avoid scandal;
so as not to traumatize the psyche of the interlocutor;
so as not to upset or disappoint someone;
for the sake of safety;
to lift your spirits.

White lies border very closely on the personal or personal. Often this boundary is blurred. Perhaps the most harmless and justified lies are fictitious encouraging stories like “you won’t believe it, this happened to me too.” It’s difficult to judge everything else unambiguously.

Interesting fact: many experiments in psychology began with deception of participants. They were told that they would study one thing, but in fact the psychologists were studying a different phenomenon. Otherwise, the participants would not be able to be natural or would refuse to participate, which would derail the experiment and slow down the progress of science.

Pros and cons

Why any lie, even a good one, is dangerous:

It does not solve the problem, but only masks fears, complexes, anxieties, etc.
It distorts the perception of reality and puts rose-colored glasses on a person. Imagine that one person is hiding his illness from other people. As a result, they do not know which relationship regime is wiser to adhere to, or, if we are talking about a fatal disease, they do not have time to come to terms with the diagnosis.
Lies are dangerous. If a person, with good intentions, hides his real location or real company, then in the event of problems or an accident, relatives and friends will not have any real clues. This point is especially relevant for young girls who hide from their parents who and where they are dating. Or for lovers.
Lies in the form of making up problems and childish excuses like “my stomach hurts, so I can’t go with you” can cause concern among relatives or an offer to visit the hospital. What's next? Real examination and treatment or admission that you just didn’t want to go. In general, a lie can back the author into a corner and cause even more negative consequences than the original truth.

When a lie is justified:

You can remain silent about some fact from the past if it does not clearly affect the present and future.
If you are confident that you can cope with difficulties and they really will not affect the other person.
When communicating with young children in certain circumstances and due to their age, for example, you should not inform a 2-year-old child about the death of a beloved pet. However, it is better to get as close to the truth as possible and convey it gently.
In a situation where the truth can destroy a reputation or relationship, but hiding it will not cause harm. We are talking about some shameful experience of the past, from which you learned a lesson and will definitely not repeat it again.
During interrogation to expose the criminal.
In a situation where this is required by the job description to prevent panic. Relevant for medical practice.

Lying should not be a spontaneous action, a habit. It is justified only when it has become a meaningful and deliberate decision. Moreover, it is important to understand the full responsibility of this choice, to see its consequences and to be confident in one’s own ability to cope with them.

It must be a healing, thoughtful plan, not just a lie. And if you decide to lie, then never reveal the deception yourself. This is the difficulty. Is it possible to live with a secret or a train of secrets, to remember every little detail so as not to screw up?

Who are they lying to?

If we do not consider pathological lies, then in the relationships of healthy people the root cause is the one to whom they lie. He either does not know how to accept the truth, or is dangerous with his reactions.

This doesn't justify lying. But in this case it is as inadequate as the weakness of the one to whom they lie. And the inability to accept the truth is nothing more than weakness. It is better not to communicate with such a person at all, but if an unpleasant topic cannot be avoided, then you can lie.

But this, in my opinion, is more relevant for “unvirtuous” lies. As for white lies, I think it is present in any relationship and depends on all participants.

Afterword

In my opinion, the truth should be told in most cases. But if there is an opportunity to encourage or keep a person calm without building castles in the air and without harming adequate perception, then you can lie.

After all, it is better if a friend learns from a loved one that the jacket doesn’t suit him very well or that the product of his creativity leaves much to be desired, than for a stranger to say this in shame later. Any lie, and especially a white lie, must be carefully thought out.

There is no point in lying to a person that his drawing is a work of art if it is not. Constructive criticism and assistance in development in this context is a much better deed than a white lie. True, in this case we have to remember the previous point: does a person know how to accept constructive criticism?

In general, you should always consider all alternatives and check whether a white lie is actually a white lie. It often leads to yet another choice of the lesser evil. In the previous example, one might have to choose between offending a friend and failing publicly. What will be more useful for him in this case? For him, not for you.

Each person decides for himself whether he should always tell the truth.

Should you always tell the truth?

Have you seen a man who never lies? It's hard to see him, everyone avoids him. (With)
Mikhail Zhvanetsky

Every reader has faced a similar question more than once in his life. And what is your own answer? If you can give a definitive yes or no answer, I wouldn't believe you in either case. If our world were black and white, this question would be much easier to answer. If the General History of Lies and Betrayal is ever written, its brief variation with theses will occupy several hundred volumes.

In my psychological practice, I encounter similar dilemmas with my clients quite often, but I still don’t have a ready answer. Why? Let's find out!

A man who always spoke the truth.

Imagine a person who, under any circumstances, would speak the truth with everyone, i.e. what he really thinks. Introduced? Me too: hospital room, bars on the windows, orderlies and neighbor Napoleon. That's right! The fate of such people is unenviable: he will not be able to adapt to modern society. So, do all people lie and no one can be trusted?

The truth is out there somewhere.

To begin with, you need to accept one simple fact - our world is subjective and there are no objective facts. We are now talking not about physical laws (although they are often probabilistic in nature), but about human perception of the surrounding world. A few centuries ago, people firmly believed that the Sun revolved around the Earth, because they trusted their eyes and their ideas about the structure of the Universe.

There are no objective laws regarding people at all, we interpret everything through the prism of our own experience and perception. I have witnessed more than once when two disputing parties had diametrically opposed visions of one situation, and both of them were right because they were guided by their own coordinate system. Often we take the other side two arguing people whose views and values are closer to us, or relationships with whom, cost us more. It is important to understand that all civilization is built on the terms of a social contract. You have the freedom to either maintain this agreement or break it, but be prepared for the consequences. In any case, the choice is yours.

The whole truth about relationships, or betrayal is inevitable!

This is how the majority works, that we strive to develop close relationships with another person. Closeness is inextricably linked with the feeling that someone in this world needs me, that someone is waiting for me at home, thinking about me, missing me; with confidence that there is someone to rely on in difficult times; with the knowledge that someone is sensitive to my wants and needs; with thoughts that there is someone to live for. But such intimacy, in addition to a lot of positive emotions, carries with it the threat of being more vulnerable.

Only close people truly hurt.

One of the psychological mechanisms for avoiding this intense anxiety is an attempt fix the relationship of intimacy once and for all. This desire to “cement” relationships, to give them a complete form, in essence - create one big illusion, within which I would like to live the rest of my life. The illusion requires constant feeding and strengthening, otherwise it quickly collapses. I want to “tie” the other to myself, and any HIS or HER attempts to move away or unwillingness to live within the framework of the outlined scenario will be perceived as betrayal. Where lack of freedom appears, betrayal will inevitably appear there. If there were no theme of unfreedom, the idea of betrayal would quickly exhaust itself.

In married couples, where relationships are based on freedom and trust there is much less adultery, because there is no need to defend your freedom. Any prohibitions often themselves form corresponding motives. This does not mean that I am campaigning “for free relationships and freedom of morals,” don’t get me wrong. It is enough to understand that It's not betrayal that destroys intimacy, and ours efforts to preserve by any means, not even intimacy itself, but illusion of intimacy.

The famous American psychotherapist Carl Whitaker said:

“Trust is simply a game that hides the courage to take risks, to be vulnerable, and to bear the consequences of that decision.”

When meeting a person, you need to be ready to the fact that he may behave completely differently than we expected. His needs may change, just like yours. To be ready, to worry and to have the freedom to talk about it is the true degree of intimacy between two people.

About communicating and educating our own children, be consistent, and do not allow your words to diverge greatly from your actions. Otherwise, you risk turning your child into a pathological liar. Explain to him the basic rules accepted in society and the possible consequences of breaking them.

If you don't know, whether to tell the truth to another person, focus on yourself in this matter: are you ready to sacrifice the principles of “truth”, or are you not ready to betray yourself in this situation? It seems to me that “betrayal of oneself” is often more destructive for a person’s personality, but does not relieve him of responsibility for the consequences that may occur in any case.

Choosing to “tell the truth” try to say less about your assessments and opinions about others, and pay more attention to your experiences and your feelings about a situation or person. “I-Statements” will help here when you start your phrases with the pronoun “I”: “I feel, I think, I believe, I experience, I relate, I evaluate...”

There are situations when it seems that it is impossible to tell the truth without quarreling, hurting or driving yourself into a corner. Partners sometimes deceive each other: they understate or exaggerate something, flatter and leave things out. But is lying always harmful?

Lying in the name of good manners

Sometimes, in order to comply with the rules of communication, you have to tell half-truths. If your spouse asks, “How was your day?”, it is likely that he is not really ready to listen to complaints about his colleagues and boss. His question is a manifestation of politeness, to which both partners are accustomed.

When you answer, “Fine,” it’s just as harmless a lie. You also follow the unwritten rules of communication. It would be much worse to constantly express to each other everything that comes to mind. The husband could describe to his wife how good the young secretary is, but it would be wiser to keep such thoughts to himself. Some of our thoughts may be inappropriate, unnecessary or unpleasant. Sometimes we want to tell the truth, but we weigh the pros and cons before doing so.

Honesty or kindness?

Usually we act according to the situation and say what seems appropriate at a certain moment. You can, for example, draw the attention of a passerby or colleague: “Your button is undone” - or you can remain silent.

But don’t throw out frank statements like “I hate the photo of your parents that you framed and gave me for my birthday.”

There are situations when telling the truth is inconvenient, but necessary, and you have to choose your words, intonation and timing. The same question can be answered equally honestly, but in different ways.

You only look fat because of your fat, not because of your clothes.

Question: “Why are you against my meetings with friends?”
Incorrect answer: “Because they are all idiots, and you have absolutely no control over yourself, you can drink and do something.”
Appropriate response: “I'm worried that you might drink. There are so many single men around, and you are so attractive.”

Question: “Will you marry me?”
Incorrect answer: “Marriage is not for me.”
An appropriate answer: “I like how our relationship is developing, but I’m not ready for such responsibility yet.”

Question: “Do I look fat in these bright green jersey shorts?”
Incorrect answer: “You only look fat because of your fat, not because of your clothes.”
Appropriate response: “I think jeans fit you better.”

There's a motive behind the words

There are many ways to be honest and kind at the same time. When you don't know how to respond or are afraid to tell the truth, it's best to ask for time to think.

For example, you were caught off guard by the question “Do you love me?” You should not deceive the person or try to move the conversation to another topic. When it comes to something important, it is better to be frank.

Honesty in a relationship is necessary, but it is not necessary, for example, to tell your partner that he smells funny when you make love.

On the other hand, think about it - what happens when you deliberately try to hide something? Are you afraid that if you tell the truth, something bad will happen? Do you want to punish someone? Don't know how to be delicate? Trying to protect yourself or a partner?

If you understand the reasons for your dishonesty, your relationship will benefit from it.