"The chair is broken. Fix the chair. I said fix the chair!"
Private Makarov.
“Do you know Word, Excel? No, take a shovel and you’ll remove the snow.”
Unknown captain.
"If you can't be a sergeant, don't be one."
Private Mamonov.
I received quite a lot of responses to my huge post on the army bestiary and several requests to finish the next part as soon as possible. This time the conversation will be about how to prepare for service yourself and how this will help in practice.
For those who don’t want to spend a lot of time reading, at the very end of the text there is a table with pictures of what you need to “pump up” before serving in the RF Armed Forces.
***
First, about how I personally prepared for the service.
The starting point for me it became solution go serve. I accepted it about six months before conscription and I think that this most important– inner reconcile oneself with the boots of a soldier. Neither physical preparation, nor smart plans and arrogance, nor “hairy paws” - all this does not matter if you do not decide in advance: your personal decision is voluntary - what is it? I decided on my wording like this: “If I’m fit for health reasons, then I’ll go walking and digging.”
How the decision was made and what accompanied it can be read and ---
I calculated approximately October 15 as the date of my conscription, and from these calculations I began to prepare. The first preparation points were:
- I met everyone I wanted to meet;
- completed all unfinished tasks;
- wrote down 5 possible future places of employment;
- I finally radically resolved the issue with the massive amount of junk on my computer - I just deleted half of it to hell;
- I got acquainted with what network resources give us to understand the army, of which Lurkmoar singled out. All kinds of “committees”, “bar associations” and so on seemed to me crazy nonsense at the time. After serving, I realized that I was right;
- got acquainted with the stories of my father and grandfather on the topic of the army;
- I spent a lot of time getting into the heads of my acquaintances, friends and relatives that I don’t need any money and I’m definitely going to serve. Thanks to everyone who supported me, helped me, and was perplexed.
Then, having completed all of the above and visits to doctors, I developed a preparation plan, where I focused on psychological and moral preparation. Even now I believe that this bias is correct, but I regret that I did not pay enough attention to physical training. PsychoMoral training consisted of psychological attunement to service, long observations of the behavior of various young people in various places: street punks, alcoholics at the store, pretentious comrades choosing an iPhone for themselves. In addition: studying your own medical history and the use of relevant video, audio and text materials.
My physical training consisted of weekly runs three times a week for a kilometer, along the way squats 30-40 times, pull-ups 5-7 times (it was cold and there was already snow, by the way). All this turned out to be unspeakably not enough.
But there were also encouraging moments in addition to psychological preparation - this was combat training. With some unknown feeling, I felt that I needed to train in this direction, and for the whole month before the call at home, I raised one leg or the other by 10-15 cm and held it straight, trying to maintain balance and a straight back - these are not weak exercises subsequently allowed me to feel confident on the line. Where others fell, tangled, splashed with tears (!) from holding their legs for 2-4 minutes, I did not have a single (!) reprimand for drill throughout the entire training.
Summing up the story of my preparation, I am forced to note that it was correct in places, but overall not entirely adequate.
Now, after long observations, some tests and numerous comments, I can explain to everyone interested how to prepare yourself for the army so as not to get into trouble.
--- How to prepare yourself for the army? ---
1. Important decision.
The main thing and the main thing is that you need understand clearly and definitely for what reason are you joining the army? It’s one thing to whine that the bloody regime is forcing you, and it’s completely different to realize that you need it. Your actions and attitude will largely depend on your initial decision and strengthening yourself in it.
Not worth it waste time to convince your acquaintances and everyone around you that you are going to serve for some other reason than “you don’t have money, or what?” - You can convince them, but you don’t need it. Relatives and friends will understand you immediately, after the first serious conversation.
Next, you should finish all your work. Important things that you will have time to finish, you obliged finish - no “later”. If you can’t finish it, don’t find the time, forget about it forever, which means you don’t need it for nothing. The surest thing, albeit a little scary, is to understand what you would do if you were going to die (and of course, soldier epta!): said what was needed to the right people, shook hands with whoever needed it, wrote a letter to a long-forgotten grandmother, threw away your cherished children’s toys, brought totalitarian order to the assigned territory...
2. What to do right away?
You should start by preparing the legal framework for the military registration and enlistment office and understanding where you yourself would like to go to serve. At this stage, it is necessary to clearly understand that it is too late to rock the boat. Searching and collecting information about yourself is what you really need. All illnesses, sores, personal specific skills that are useful in the service, the experience of friends, father, grandfather, brothers.
The legal basis is: Federal Law "On Military Duty and Military Service". For some reason no one bothers to study it, but the military registration and enlistment office is full of juvenile experts on what they are “obliged” to do and what someone “has no right” to do...
Next is a problematic point that absolutely needs to be solved - young woman. If you have a wife, then she is unlikely to go on a spree with someone or suddenly fall out of love; as a rule, such examples are one in a thousand, but a girl is the cause of a ton of problems. Therefore, you need to understand whether you love her or not, and ask her this serious question - the answer should be mandatory and clear. If you don’t love or she doesn’t love you, feeds you breakfast and avoids a direct answer, break up with her. While you are in the army, such an undecided 99% will abandon you, having first cheated on you - this is simply a fact of existence. It’s painful, it’s difficult, but now it will be 100,500 times easier for you than when you received an interesting letter in the army, which for some impressionable people is a reason to beat someone up, break something, or shoot themselves on a guard tower. The political officer will not help you, he may even understand, but he will not be able to help you in any way - and because of your unjustified hopes, you may even end up in jail, or even worse. Therefore, the principle is: if one of you doesn’t like someone, leave!
The girl must understand that “wait” and “wait for DMB” are two different things. And if she “loves”, but “is not ready to wait”, then it’s all the more worth getting rid of it.
If you are lucky and everything is in chocolate, then you absolutely should not promise her anything: letters, calls, texts for the night. They can take you to hell, they can take away your phone, you can lose it, you will spend two weeks trying to find out the postal address of the unit, in general - anything you want. Ololo service. The only thing you can promise is that you will contact her. as soon as possible.
As you might guess, there will be a separate big post about girls and the army sometime later. With living examples of love and bestiality.
3. Moral and psychological preparation.
MoralPsych for you should consist of self-attitude and understanding of the details of the male team, military service, “concept” and roles of behavior. All this is described in the epic books of Ortega y Gasset, Le Bon and all sorts of Freuds. It’s clear that you can’t even comprehend all of this over the course of an entire human life, let alone in a couple of months, so you need to spend time before going to bed on the last evenings in civilian life with intelligence and ingenuity.
List of what must be consumed before serving in the RF Armed Forces (in my opinion):
- movie “Experiment”;
- movie “Small Land”;
- movie “Full Metal Jacket”;
- movie "DMB";
- series “Soldiers”, only the first season;
- series “Storm Gates”;
- film "Guard";
- the film “The Unthinkable”, in order to think carefully about whether you can pull the trigger when necessary;
- the film “Starship Troopers”;
- the film “300 Spartans” is the anthem of the professional army;)
- book “The Adventures of the Good Soldier Schweik”;
- book “Painted”;
- books by Vasil Bykov;
- book “Confession of a conscript soldier”;
- book “Kirza”;
- all possible songs about the army, starting with LYUBE and ending with Soviet ones.
All this is more than enough.
Your task is to increase your knowledge and learn in various situations how to behave more effectively and how to quickly show complete strangers, but necessary and intelligent people, that they can deal with you and can rely on you. REMEMBER: when you come to someone else’s monastery, you shouldn’t bring your own samovars. It is better to assemble it on site.
4. Physical training.
It is worth paying close attention to PHYSICAL after you have collected all the data on your sores and shortcomings. Be clearly aware of your limits: smoking bothers you – quit! Don't have time to play games on the computer? Remove everything except MS Office. Find time for physical exercise.
What to train first: endurance and load capacity.
Endurance is trained by running, squats and breathing exercises.
Load capacity: horizontal bar, dumbbells, barbell.
In no case should you imitate Rambaud, start small, but be constant - every day, but a little, is many times better than killing yourself once a week with a forced march through the mud.
You should start pumping up your endurance with 100-meter timed runs and a kilometer of running at a calm pace. Here is an approximate starting minimum for endurance: running at a calm pace for 200-300 meters, squats 20-30 times, running 700-800 meters, speed running for one hundred meters.
Second level: calm running 400-500 meters, 30-40 squats, running 800-900 meters, speed running 100 meters.
Third level: calm run 1000 meters, 40 squats, speed run 100 meters, calm run 1000 meters.
Level four: calm running 1000 meters, goose step 50-60 meters, 20-30 squats, average running - 500 meters, shuttle running 2-3 times 20 meters.
The highest level of pre-conscription physical endurance training according to general impressions:
- 30-40 squats with a minimally knocked down “breath”;
- 2-3 km at an average pace;
- goose step 50-60 meters;
- shuttle run 3-4 times 20 meters;
- 100-meter dash in 12 seconds or less.
Now regarding the carrying capacity – why is it needed at all? Doing 400 push-ups and 25 pull-ups is all fun, but it doesn’t happen as often as carrying your PKM and running around in a bulletproof vest with all the OZKs and your own Kalash. Load capacity is primarily physical strength and the ability to carry heavy objects for a long time.
Homemade dumbbells of 3 kg, a barbell of 10 kg per plate and 5-7 “clean” pull-ups on the horizontal bar - this is your start. If you already know how, well done, if you don’t know how, you must reach this minimum.
Second level: dumbbells 3 kg, barbell 20 kg, pull-ups 7-9 times.
Third level: dumbbells 4-5 kg, barbell 30 kg, pull-ups 10 times.
Level four: dumbbells 4-5 kg, barbell 40-50 kg, pull-ups 12-14 times, parallel bars - full pass.
The highest level of pre-conscription physical training of carrying capacity according to general impressions:
- dumbbells 5-7 kg;
- barbell 50-70 kg;
- pull-ups 15 or more times “clean”;
- full passage of bars on hands 20 meters;
- “swing” on uneven bars – 12-15 times.
Let me emphasize once again: it is extremely important to observe moderation and consistency, because you will end up in the army looking like a jock and on your very first run in the frost of one and a half kilometers you will die in a snowdrift.
Another important element of physical training: drill. First, practice keeping your balance on one leg, then on the other, then balance with your legs straight while lifting either your left or your right to a height of 10-15 cm from the floor. Practice the stand itself: try to just stand straight with your back as straight as possible for 2-3 minutes without moving or scratching yourself, then ask someone to help: let them make you laugh, show you some crap, smoke at you, bite your cat - you must maintain equanimity - even turning your head or trying to blow on your sweaty forehead - this already fails, all over again. It’s worth walking along the street for some time with the hand signal, so that the body gets used to moving the corresponding hand to the corresponding leg: the right leg goes, the left hand goes in front and vice versa.
5. Intellectual preparation.
Your IP before the army is a study of the performance characteristics of small arms, rifles and grenade launchers, grenades and body armor adopted by the RF Armed Forces. Almost all data can be found in the public domain. Believe me: you will be much more comfortable if you study in advance the main characteristics of AK, SVD, AGS, RPG and various RPKs. This knowledge will greatly help you become a “steering wheel” and spend more time on other things than sitting on the “take-off” and cramming, feeling awkward and resentful, as if you were sitting at a school desk.
The second part of the IP is the OVU, general military regulations. You shouldn’t even pick up the Charter of the Guard Service or the Disciplinary Code - you don’t need all this yet. You need to review and, if possible, understand the main provisions of the Internal Service Charter and the Drill Regulations. The most basic concepts: what is a combat step, rank, formation, how movement occurs in formation with and without weapons, what are the combat commands, discipline and unity of command, army ranks and positions, what is and why is a daily outfit assigned, duties and responsibility of the orderly and company duty officer.
During your service, you will have to learn a ton of everything, especially if you want to be something more than give or take: go on guard, become a paramedic, a company duty officer, a checkpoint officer or a shift operator. Be prepared for this from the beginning - familiarize yourself with the basics. And you will understand in advance that if the army “stupefies” anyone, it is clearly not someone who has prepared in advance.
6. Regular training.
RP is about organizing your day. Gradually come to the parameters:
- getting up at 6-7 am, light exercise;
- tomorrow 8-9 o’clock in the morning, no matter what the conditions;
- lunch at 13-14 pm;
- daytime rest in a lying position from 14 to 15;
- dinner 19-20 pm;
- lights out at 22-23 pm.
Try to include the simplest foods in your diet - white bread, buckwheat, pasta with stewed meat. You can eat hamburgers and ice cream on the farewell, but two or three weeks before the army, start to give up fast food and all kinds of office and student food.
Here is a comprehensive guide to self-study. For those who don’t want to read so much, below is a table of symbols that you need to “pump up” before the service.
***
- ENDURANCE.
KNOWLEDGE OF WEAPONS' SPECIFICATIONS.
COMMON MILITARY REGULATIONS.
RIGIDITY.
VIGILANCE.
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE OPERATION AND REPAIR OF GARDEN AND CLEANING EQUIPMENT.
COLLECTIVISM.
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT COMPUTERS. Level 1: word, excel.
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT COMPUTERS. Level 2: word, excel, power point, how to fix software problems, install the system and programs, determine the cause of hardware failure and what exactly is broken.
Level 3: have all the above skills, as well as skills in Adobe Photoshop, Corel Draw, know Excel formulas, and be super smart.
After successfully passing the draft board, you will be informed of the day when you need to come to the military registration and enlistment office to be sent to the assembly point.
You will go to the assembly point in an organized manner, together with representatives of the military registration and enlistment office. You cannot go to the collection point on your own.
2. What to take with you?
You need to take the following documents with you:
- passport of a Russian citizen;
- certificate of a citizen subject to conscription for military service (it is confiscated, and in return a military ID is issued against a personal signature);
- certificate of military specialty (if any);
- driver's license (if available).
They will also check that you have clothing and shoes that are in good working order and appropriate for the season.
What else you can take with you, check with your military registration and enlistment office.
3. What happens at the collection point?
They usually spend a day or two at the collection point. There the conscripts are distributed among the branches of the military and military units. Officers from military units select conscripts based on an interview and personal file data.
During this time, you need to undergo a medical examination again.
You will be given uniforms and travel bags with shampoo, shaving accessories, toothbrush and toothpaste, soap and other necessary supplies.
If you have not cut your hair short in advance, you will have your hair cut at the collection point.
At the assembly point, all conscripts are required to be fed. The sale of essential goods should also be organized there.
At the assembly point, educational and cultural work is carried out with conscripts: they are told about the history of Russia, military service, and the oath.
Afterwards you will be sent to a military unit in an orderly manner.
4. What payments and benefits are a soldier entitled to?
All military personnel receive cash allowance. If you have received military qualifications or command personnel, you can count on an increase.
Upon transfer to the reserve, you will be given military transportation documents, which can be exchanged at the station for a free ticket home.
Even before the end of military service upon conscription, a soldier can conclude an agreement and enroll.
Young men who have served in the army can:
- enter state universities and colleges without competition if they successfully pass the entrance exams;
When starting a conversation about the army, you should clearly understand that military service is a special institution. Considering the reduction in terms of active service, it is worthwhile, without waiting for the call to come, to begin preparing for service. What a young man with a burning gaze will do in the army depends largely on himself. Specialists of various profiles are closely interested in conscripts, finding out their inclinations, physical condition, and working skills. The more fully the future soldier reveals himself during the preliminary interview, the more accurately his place of service will be determined. It is no coincidence that at recruiting stations, representatives of military units are referred to as “buyer” in conversations.
Each military unit is not averse to receiving conscripts from among the most trained. For a conscript who is valuable in his merits, sometimes a real trade flares up.
Preparation for the army
So it turns out that you can decide in the pre-conscription period what you want to be in the army, prepare thoroughly and everything will happen as planned. Physical training, of course, is of utmost importance for military service. This indicator plays a primary role. Thus, when preparing for military service, you need to seriously engage in sports. In addition, it is much easier for strong, healthy guys to endure the inevitable difficulties of everyday life in the army, as well as the stresses that military service cannot do without.
A new recruit would benefit from at least minimal theoretical training in military disciplines. Such basics as the types of troops and insignia of rank and file and command personnel must be studied at least to a first approximation. And it won’t hurt to understand small arms. To do this, you must not skip classes at school, but study diligently. For the same purpose, military units invite high school students on excursions. Preparation will largely determine how military service will take place. While conscription is still ahead, there is an opportunity to obtain a military specialty. That's why DOSAAF clubs exist. Here they will teach you how to drive a car, how to jump with a parachute, and even how to fly an airplane.
Physical fitness:
- A few months before conscription, it is recommended to get up in the morning and go jogging. To start, run 2-3 kilometers, and then increase this figure.
- Spend a few minutes a day doing push-ups, squats, pull-ups, and so on.
- At a minimum, you need to learn how to do more than 40 push-ups, more than 50 squats, and more than 10 pull-ups. If we do not take into account punishments, then such indicators are acceptable.
Moral preparation:
- First of all, you need to get rid of pride. Don't argue with the officer and follow any orders, even if you don't like them.
- Do not humiliate yourself in front of old-timers; extra-statutory relationships can be ignored and not carried out.
- Forget about personal opinion for this period, it is important to follow orders and then everything will be fine.
Before packing, it is recommended to take with you the necessary things: toothpaste, brush, soap, shampoo, disposable machines, shaving foam, pens, toilet paper, thread, needles, socks, notepad, money, food for the trip and other important supplies.
Already, thousands of young people aged 18 to 27 years old undergo medical examinations, study the schedule of illnesses, some “mow”, and others try to hide their illnesses in order to get into the Airborne Forces or the Navy in the future.
Doctors recognize many as unfit, but most will go to defend their homeland.
We decided to help a little with advice to those who will very soon have to exchange their fashionable sneakers for ankle boots of the Donobuv brand.
In this article, we did not discuss whether or not it is worth joining the army, how to avoid conscription, and so on. These five are fairly obvious tips for those who already have a summons in hand.
Tip One: Prepare Physically
The army is a place where there is a lot of running: in the morning, during the day, sometimes in the evening, on weekdays and holidays. No one will be interested in your physical abilities: guys who are only fit to work with equipment (health group B3) run on par with those who, for unknown reasons, did not get into the Airborne Forces (group A1). And this is difficult, especially for those with extra pounds - I tested it myself. Therefore, it is better to reset them in civilian life.
By the way, “swinging” in front of the army is useless: all the bodybuilders with whom the author of these lines served instantly lost muscle mass due to their diet. Therefore, run long and hard, and the ability to pull yourself up will not be amiss: the more, the better.
Tip two: learn to use a needle
The ability to sew quickly and efficiently is very useful: tags are required to be attached to almost everything in the army: from a hat to a bulletproof vest. In addition, at any moment something on the uniform itself can tear: the trousers will come apart at the seam or a button will come off. You need to correct the defect quickly, because no one will pat you on the head for torn pants.
Previously, the lives of soldiers were also spoiled by collar collars, which required constant hemming and washing, but they were abolished.
By the way, about washing. There are washing machines in the units, but it is far from certain that you will be able to use them often. And in general, the room with them may be closed for safekeeping in order to show them to inspectors. Therefore, you will have to wash a lot by hand, however, there is no special science in this.
Tip three: make inquiries
Before joining the army, it is worth learning a little about it. No, no one suggests learning the regulations by heart, and even this is impossible: there are four general military regulations and not all provisions need to be known by a simple “conscript”.
But studying military ranks, insignia and at least a superficial understanding of what types and branches of troops exist is quite useful. Then an ensign from the engineering troops ("construction battalion") will not be able to deceive you at the distribution point when he promises service in the special forces.
Also, know your rights. Usually, a corresponding brochure is issued along with the summons. Of course, it contains many provisions that are far from reality, but there are also practical things
Tip four: sort out your relationships
Yes, there is no escape from this. Both songs and poems, with very different contents, are dedicated to the theme of girls who are waiting for their loved ones to return from the army. Yes, many people promise and expect, but this does not always happen. Some people swear that everything will be fine, but after a couple of months they realize that they can’t.
And then a call or a letter and the soldier, who is already in a not the most joyful environment, receives a powerful blow. And he cannot find a place for himself; very often such stories end tragically.
Therefore, it is best to have a serious conversation with your “soul mate” and decide whether to continue the relationship: not every person can be content with one call a week and rare dates during layoffs.
Tip five: don't despair
If the previous tips concerned the months before conscription, then the latest one will talk about the time when a still completely “green” soldier has already crossed the threshold of the barracks.
We can’t speak for everyone, but for many people the army is a completely foreign place, which is very difficult to get used to: physical activity, modest and sometimes simply poor living conditions, many new strangers who sometimes behave inappropriately, daily routine, routine, constant chores, minimum communication with relatives and friends. All this makes you depressed, causes aggression towards others, and in general does not lead to anything good. And no one is immune from this.
What can I advise in this case - don’t despair, don’t think about how long it is until you get home: it’s better not to cross off dates on the calendar and count days from the first weeks. Under no circumstances should you withdraw into yourself, communicate, find friends, and going through difficulties together is much easier. Think only about how to live a specific day.
And, perhaps, the most important thing: always remain human, do not set up, do not deceive, do not steal, help, protect the weak and do not curry favor with the strong.
We hope that our advice will help someone at least a little. It may seem that the army is some kind of terrible place, in which there is only suffering and homesickness, but this is not so. In these 12 months there is a place for small and big joys, meetings with good and interesting people, and it’s simply a rather extreme way to break out of your usual life.
Let’s end with a quote from the cult film “DMB”: “Take me - who was I? And who have I become? To put it mildly, everyone! Why? Yes, because I am a Russian soldier! But a Russian soldier never gives up. He has nothing to lose. This is our main military secret.”
Photo of the Russian Ministry of Defense
There is a lot of talk about her. Some are dissatisfied with her and spread various rumors that only harm themselves. But still, what lies behind all this? Life or the end of it? And do you need to know how to prepare for the army?
In this article, we will start only from real events, and not from what “someone said.” I think this decision will be the most correct, and at the same time simple and logical.
Firstly, why did you decide to prepare for it? Why not get there right away? The secret lies in the fact that the army has its own requirements, which every person must comply with. This develops will and patience. In general, those qualities that can only turn a bad boy into a real man.
For example, if you have never been involved in sports, then you should not count on the honor that is given only to true leaders. Is it getting scary? Nothing of the kind, it can be fixed easily and without any problems
Secondly, you need to understand the reason for your fears. Maybe they are hidden in the depths, and there is no way to free them from there? You are mistaken, the human soul requires changes, he is capable of developing in himself the new skills he needs.
1. Prepare yourself mentally for the army. At what level is your self-esteem? Do you value and respect yourself? By answering these questions, you will determine for yourself what level you are at. That is, will you allow other people to order you? Do you think it's stupid to fulfill other people's wishes? Everyone's discipline is poor, and it wouldn't hurt to improve it in the army. will help.
2. Don’t think that as soon as you get there, they will immediately start nagging you. This is stupidity. First they will look at you and evaluate your inner core. Standing up for your point of view, no matter what. Therefore, take care of yourself closely. Experiment. Ask about the impression you make on your friends. Are they sure that you are a strong person? Correct this situation.
3. To prepare for the army, every month write down the character traits that you managed to instill in yourself. Do you have courage? Prepare yourself, starting here! And so on. It is advisable to take your time. One line per month is considered normal. I'm sure anyone can handle this.
4. Know how to introduce yourself. Experience shows that first impressions play a vital role. I saw a man, and immediately you were even afraid of his gaze. And that’s it, then it’s hard to think differently. Even though that very daredevil behaves insecurely. The feeling tells you, and you involuntarily obey it.
5. Think about sports in the very near future. Out of habit, when you join the army, you can lose consciousness. But this most likely will not happen; there are smart people who will not allow a completely sick person to join their ranks. Why should you pay attention to this? In a year, with a persistent attitude to work, you can make your body so “high-quality” that even a few years will not help you lose it with complete inaction. Push-ups, try to increase the number of them.
6. Learn to find the line. or not. Peeling potatoes isn't such a bad thing! Once you remember that this is not a man’s business, your motivation drops. Not at all! Life is so complex and beautiful that there will be moments when you will have to cook for yourself. You can learn this. Your mother is here to help you. He will definitely teach you culinary wisdom.
The Motherland needs you! Don't put it off until later. This kind of thing has ruined and is still ruining the destinies of young guys. They didn't do anything. Just go there with bright hope. Train your body and spirit!
We urgently need to prepare for the army! and be sure to achieve the best results! Good luck! No one will rape you or kill you. All fairy tales, fictions of a loser. They don’t want to go forward, there’s nothing they can do.
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