Strong and weak personality relationships. Strong personality: definition

By studying the psychology of people who suffer from chemical or any other addiction, psychologists have found that they have an acute psychological need to depend on something, be it drugs, computer games, work, a cult or something else.
This was defined as dependent (addictive) behavior. Most often it is expressed in the desire to escape reality by changing one’s consciousness.

Psychologists and narcologists have not yet found a clear answer to the question of why some people exhibit this behavior and others do not. Exactly the same as when asked whether there are personality forms that are predisposed to the development of drug addiction or alcoholism. Disputes on this matter have been going on for many years.
Many reputable psychologists believe that the emergence of addiction to psychoactive substances occurs when certain characteristic personality traits are acquired. That is, a person’s personality is formed in a certain way, reaching a state where he is prone to using substances and developing addiction. In psychology this condition is called "drug readiness"
It is generally accepted that severe stress, internal tension, an unfavorable environment and poor heredity inevitably provoke the development of dependence on psychoactive substances. This is all true, but there is an opinion that if a person does not have “drug addiction readiness,” then all these factors will not cause chemical dependence.

Identification of “narcogenic readiness” and treatment methods

Today, new methods of addiction treatment are being actively developed. Based on the concept of “drug addiction”, using a personal approach, individual treatment is selected for each patient.

The personal approach to the treatment of alcoholism and drug addiction is that the patient’s personality should be “treated.” The formation of a stable personality with strong beliefs and worldview can prevent the onset or return of chemical dependence under other aggravating circumstances.

Psychiatrists have identified certain personality traits which indicate a high probability of developing a state of mental readiness to take drugs or abuse alcohol.

Risk group: personality traits, character, behavioral characteristics

Impulsive, emotionally unstable people are in the so-called risk group, that is, they have a high probability of developing “narcogenic readiness.” Such people, as a rule, often make rash decisions and are easily offended for various reasons, even the most trivial ones. They are vulnerable, anxious and often depressed. Their mood changes like a kaleidoscope. Studies have shown that such people have a fairly large inferiority complex and are very unsure of themselves. They expect only negative emotions from any task done, from any work, and to maintain a normal state they need the constant approval of others.

Personality traits that determine the state in which a person begins to use psychoactive substances:

Infantility.
This term refers to generally weak personality development. Such a person cannot make decisions himself or bear responsibility for his actions. Such a person is suggestible, his behavior as a whole is based on submission. A key role is played by such a feature as full agreement. He agrees with the opinion of the majority, he is always led by someone. It is important for him to be “like everyone else,” to be “his own” in the society around him. Such a person begins to use drugs in order to gain approval from his social environment, so as not to become an outcast.

Lack of individuality.
A person whose individuality is weakly expressed tends to copy the behavior of other people; a system of strict subordination is closer to him. This is explained by the desire to relieve oneself of responsibility for what happens to him. Such a person, as a rule, is not confident in himself and does not predict the outcome of his actions. It is difficult for him to interact with the world around him; he would rather adopt the behavior of other people than develop his own system. Such a person has two areas where he feels comfortable. The first is a society with clear rules of social interaction, such as the army. Here he obeys orders and strict rules. The second is fantasy. This prompts a person to take psychoactive substances. The effects of many psychoactive substances and the hallucinations they cause are similar to fantasies. Such a person perceives drugs as part of his life, as a way to achieve comfort.

The desire to immediately satisfy all your desires.
This also characterizes the personality as underdeveloped and immature. Such a person chases pleasure. It is important for him to satisfy his desires as soon as they appear. And often the expected effect from this is not justified; as a result, he receives less pleasure than he expected. This provokes a depressive state, and the person does not tolerate the difficulties that arise. In a state of stress, he strives to escape from reality, to receive more and more pleasures, without getting rid of the cause of stress. This behavior leads to a state of readiness to take psychoactive substances.

Lack of life goals and interests.
A person without aspirations in search of his path in life, without the desire to develop, often reaches a state of “narcogenic readiness.” An aggravating circumstance is a job that he does not like, studies that are not interesting, the inability to organize his own leisure time, disinterest in the world and people around him. When there are clear goals and social interests, drugs or alcohol are perceived as an obstacle to achieving them.

Internal conflict.
The appearance of addictive behavior can also be due to the inconsistency of certain concepts in a person. This is low self-esteem and high expectations, a discrepancy between the social role that society ascribes to him and his own feelings. His worldview is incomprehensible to others. All this gives rise to internal conflicts and causes denial of one’s own individuality. As soon as difficulties arise in the work that such a person performs, he immediately gives it up. It is noteworthy that such people, as a rule, exhibit arrogance in their behavior; in communication they try to emphasize their superiority. This is their kind of “defensive reaction” to what happens to them.

Asociality.
A person who has failed to adapt to a social environment is also at risk of developing “narcogenic readiness.” Such a person, as a rule, does not accept general social norms, rules of behavior, and social values. He often conflicts and finds it difficult to establish social connections with other people. Such a person is capable of committing various criminal acts.

Adolescence is worth mentioning separately. The fact that teenagers are most prone to using psychoactive substances is no longer in doubt. At this age, personality is still in the process of formation.

The presence of certain personal characteristics in a person does not mean that he will necessarily become dependent on drugs or alcohol. Nevertheless, all psychiatrists and narcologists unanimously assert that many factors together influence the onset of addiction.
But those definitions of personality, some of the traits that experts have described, will help to more likely identify people from the “risk group.” This makes it possible to provide the emergence of addiction and a state of “drug readiness”, to carry out a kind of “prevention” of drug addiction and alcoholism.

Using this knowledge, psychologists in educational institutions and rehabilitation centers in the course of their work can correct the patient’s personality, thus trying to rid the patient of those character traits that provoke him to use psychoactive substances.

A weak character is an individual who has certain timid qualities. As a rule, they say about active, agile and successful people that they are “not timid.” So, people with a lack of willpower are considered the complete opposite. They face certain problems in society.

What is weak character?

A person of weak character is a person who avoids overcoming obstacles on the way to achieving the desired result. People consider weak character to be a quality that hinders a person on the path to success. If a person from this category has the opportunity to achieve success in life, then everyone will certainly take advantage of his gentleness.

As a rule, higher authorities will shift the solution of problems that are in no way related to his responsibilities to such a weak-willed person. Employees will fight their way to success, constantly seeking favorable conditions for themselves. Naturally, all this will be done to the detriment of the weak-willed colleague. And if a weak-willed person has a high-ranking position, then it will be quite difficult to avoid serious problems with personnel. Subordinates will not think anything of such a boss, periodically offending him.

To have a soft character and a will that is too pliable means to have a weakness, and having noticed it, others will try to find ways to manipulate the person. In this case, we can say that weak character is a kind of lever behind which the hand of others reaches out. Scientists believe that there are three signs of weak character that allow you to use a person for your own personal purposes.

The first sign of weakness

So, the first sign is that a person commits certain actions without being completely aware of the further consequences. Such people strive to show through their actions how good they are. In their understanding, the actions they have committed should instill in them the status of a “good” person. If life circumstances do not require this, then he automatically ceases to be kind.

For example, if a spineless person walks alone down the street and sees a beggar, he will pass by. But if someone walks next to him, he will definitely give alms so that they will pay attention to him. As a rule, if a person is truly kind and has a strong character, then he will not advertise his charity. After all, the happiness of a strong person lies in doing good to others, not to himself.

The second sign of weakness

The second sign is that some people follow the lead of others and cannot refuse them. Such people tend to complain that people around them take advantage of their kindness. It should also be noted that a person who has a soft character and no will is constantly angry because of this. It seems that the person is doing certain things, but remains dissatisfied with the fact that he is constantly being used.

A gentle character is often not so much a manifestation of kindness as cruelty. In this case, a person is tough by nature. Despite this, he does not allow himself to show external cruelty, fearing to ruin his relationships with the people around him.

The third sign of weakness

A weak-willed person is one who is afraid to take responsibility for fulfilling his duty, systematically citing the fact that this may cause suffering to someone. The third sign is the fear of pointing out the mistakes of another person. For example, if a teacher turns a blind eye to and does not punish a student accordingly, then in such a situation one cannot talk about kindness. After all, if negligence goes unnoticed, the student will repeat it again next time. In Eastern culture there is such a thing as “karma”, which operates in three ways:

• a mistake made the first time gradually becomes part of a person’s character;
• consequences for what is done are reflected in the future;
• a bad deed affects a person’s perception of the world.

The fourth sign of weakness

We often encounter a situation where a person abandons his friend in trouble, thinking that in this way he is showing compassion for him. In difficult life situations, a kind person will not look at the suffering of another or look for help somewhere, but will certainly try to help him on his own. The actions of a person who does not have willpower sometimes betray him. Due to the weakness of his heart, without helping another, he will be forced to suffer for a long time and feel guilty. That is why people who did not provide assistance on time are often the culprits of various incidents.

How to become a strong personality?

Every person can find the strength within themselves and overcome weakness of character; all you have to do is use the following tips:

• You should not be afraid to have it and be able to express it, regardless of whether it is correct or not. You must learn to think independently and allow yourself to make mistakes.
• Instead of constantly complaining, you should find the strength within yourself to solve the problem.
• Man is a unique personality. Therefore, you should not strive to be like someone else.
• You must be able to set specific goals and achieve them, overcoming all life's obstacles along the way. You should never look back.
• There is no need to constantly pour out your emotions. It is necessary to try to strike a balance between the heart and the mind when making important decisions.

Personality test: why is it needed?

It is difficult to meet a person who would like to know why this or that person commits a number of certain actions, as well as what motivates him. Despite the fact that each person is a unique person and individual in his own way, people have something similar among themselves. It should be noted that a person’s words and actions are guided by his psychotypes (psychological personality types), having learned which, you can gain skills for better understanding people.

Knowing your psychological personality type allows you to achieve peace of mind and success in personal affairs. After all, as a rule, achieving success is not determined by a specific field of activity, but by the mood in which a person is while doing what he loves.

Of course, in addition to the inner nature of a person and personal achievements, it should be taken into account that each person has a certain uniqueness. This factor is important in family relationships. When dealing with everyday problems, a mature person will not blame the people around him for all his failures. After all, he realizes that only he is responsible for his life.

Thus, we can say that the value of a personality psychotype test is expressed in determining the type and personal preferences. This is what many foreign companies use. Although it is unlikely that it will be possible to assemble the ideal team composition using a test. Thanks to a test to determine your psychotype, you can not only choose a social niche for yourself, but also adequately determine your strengths and what your soul is more inclined to.

In conclusion

A weak-willed person is a person who is not confident in his abilities and is unable to cope with life situations. Such qualities usually make a person weak-willed and dependent on the opinions of others, destroying his inner world. Such people often try to find problems around themselves, rather than in themselves. Therefore, in order to become strong and have willpower, you should radically reconsider your inner world.

In any life situations, a strong personality is confident in himself and his abilities. I am confident that I can achieve my goals and get the results I want. At the same time, she is soberly aware of her abilities, but tries to expand them, and thereby expand her capabilities. This applies to professional or other activities in which a strong personality is seriously engaged - from cooking to managing a corporation. Stopping development for a strong personality is tantamount to degradation.

A weak personality usually lacks confidence in himself and his abilities. If a strong personality is confident that he is capable of doing even something that no one has done before, then a weak personality is not confident that he is capable of doing something that many others have already achieved.

A weak personality does not have activities that he would engage in seriously and with interest. She can go to work, or engage in amateur performances, or business, but at the same time remain at the same level, that is, actually degrade.

A strong personality values ​​himself, his abilities and the possibility of their development most of all. A weak personality values ​​​​most of all something outside himself - wealth, money, connections, position, loved ones, relatives, and the like.

What is the reason for such confidence in SL in himself and in his abilities? Abraham Maslow makes an interesting suggestion about this. He explains that an SL is a person who lives in reality, who does not avoid, but accepts reality as it really is.

Most people do not live in reality, but in the world of their own or social myths. They seem to be trying to escape from reality. It is possible that she scares them. Radical "realism" - isn't it a source of self-confidence?

Maslow writes:

“They prefer to live in the real world; they do not like artificially created worlds of abstractions, emasculated concepts, speculative ideas and stereotypes, worlds in which the majority of our contemporaries settle for life.” A strong personality prefers “deal with what is at hand, with real events and phenomena, and not with her own desires, hopes and fears, not with the prejudices and prejudices of the environment. “Naive perception” is how Herbert Read described this ability.”

In my opinion, a strong personality is not afraid of the uncertainty of life and does not at all dream of that notorious “stability” that many people worry about. Some uncertainty and unknown is a kind of catalyst for knowledge and change for a strong personality. When everything around is “in order”, everything is “decorous and noble”, clear and thought out, then boredom sets in, longing for something new, even the need for new uncertainty and even anarchy.

Thus, there is a need to process this uncertainty into some kind of order or structure. This applies to everything - to understanding people, to making money, to washing dishes, to reading, to communication, etc. As strange as it may sound, readiness for constant changes, both external and internal, is precisely the source of inner confidence for a strong personality.

“Healthy people are not afraid of the unknown; uncertainty does not frighten them as much as it frightens the average person. They treat her completely calmly, do not see her as a threat or danger to themselves. On the contrary, everything unknown and unstructured attracts and beckons them. Not only are they not afraid of the unknown, but they welcome it...

The unknown does not frighten healthy people and therefore they are not subject to prejudices: they do not freeze in front of a black cat, do not spit over their shoulders, do not cross their fingers - in a word, they are not drawn to the actions that ordinary people take, wanting to protect themselves from imaginary dangers. They do not shy away from the unknown and do not run from the unknown, do not deny it and do not pretend that it does not exist, and at the same time they are not inclined to perceive it through the prism of preconceived judgments and established stereotypes, and do not try to immediately define and designate it. They cannot be called adherents of the familiar and understandable; they are striving for the knowledge of yet undiscovered truths...

These people can completely freely allow themselves - when the situation demands it - disorder, negligence, sloppiness, anarchism, chaos, uncertainty, inaccuracy, indecision, doubt, even fear (all this is quite acceptable, and sometimes even necessary, both in science and in art, not to mention life as such).

Thus, uncertainty, doubt, a state of uncertainty, so painful and painful for most ordinary people, stimulate a strong personality, encourage her to research, to learn, and are the source of her confidence.

2. Favorable relationships with others.

The ability to establish favorable and deep relationships with any environment is an integral property of a strong personality. A strong personality accepts people as they are. She does not educate anyone, does not teach, does not condemn. A strong personality does not have the desire to subjugate everyone around him, to impose his will on everyone in an authoritarian manner, or to somehow use others.

A weak personality, as a rule, does not know how to get from people what she needs to satisfy her needs (material, sexual, emotional, intellectual, spiritual). She makes two mistakes: she either completely refuses to try to get what she needs from others, or she does it in deliberately wrong ways, dooming herself to dissatisfaction and emotional disorders. Often a weak personality does not know how to establish relationships even with those close to him (husband, wife, children, relatives).

A strong personality understands that it is impossible to change the people who surround her without first starting to change herself. By changing her behavior, she monitors how it affects others, and ultimately comes to the result she needs. A strong personality sees changing his behavior as the key to controlling others. A weak personality is usually content with a limited set of behavioral patterns. She is constantly dissatisfied with her relationships with people around her.

3. Accepting personal responsibility.

A strong personality realizes that everything in her life depends only on herself. She does not seek approval or disapproval from others, standards by which to live, decisions, advice. Whatever a strong person does, and whatever it leads to, he always takes full personal responsibility for the results of his actions. Living with a sense of responsibility for what is happening gives him a huge psychological advantage compared to other people and leads to an active position in life. Such a person begins to think qualitatively differently, unlike the majority. Instead of “I was deceived” - “I allowed myself to be deceived.” Instead of “I am not appreciated” - “I allowed myself not to be appreciated.” Instead of “In Russia they do nothing for the people” - “I admit that in Russia they do nothing for the people.”

A strong person does not rely on Fortune, nor on God, nor on Higher powers, nor on the Government, nor on Justice, nor on the Boss - therefore he does not depend on them and does not want to associate with them at all. And if he doesn’t hope: “Why do I need them?” - he thinks. A strong personality generally does not rely on anything other than his personal ability to create and receive what he needs.

A strong person considers himself the sole master of his destiny. He never demands anything from others. When a strong person meets a weak person, he experiences the same feeling that people usually experience when they see disabled people. But he can’t help them, so he quickly loses interest in them.

4. Focus on business and the pursuit of excellence in it.

I want to say right away that the concept of “business” has nothing to do with the traditional concept of “work,” which is what a person raised in the conditions of our culture should do. A strong personality cannot tolerate violence against himself. This means that she does not work for money as the main motive, she works for the sake of interest in some business.

A strong personality concentrates on some task; a weak personality concentrates on himself, so his achievements are insignificant. A strong personality rather lives to do something in this life. A weak personality does something in order to live (goes to work, relaxes, studies, etc.)

A strong personality first of all thinks about the interests of his affairs, giving them paramount importance in his life. And only then - about personal life, family, recreation and other things. A weak personality first of all tries to arrange his personal life, as a result of which both the personal life and affairs of the weak personality are disgustingly organized.

A weak personality thinks:

“How to get money (fame, love, peace of mind, etc.)?”

A strong personality thinks:

“How to get the job done (solve a problem, find a way, achieve a goal), and everything else will follow.”

When a weak person manages to get something, he feels satisfied and calms down.

When a strong personality achieves something, she wants to achieve something more.

5. Spontaneity, naturalness, open expression of feelings.

A strong personality openly, without distortion, reveals his deepest feelings, both positive and negative, both to himself and to others. If she is jealous, she admits to herself that she is jealous; if he loves, he admits that he loves; if she gets irritated, she admits that she is irritated and tries to understand the reasons for this. I want to say that a strong personality trusts his deepest feelings, his body, and is guided by this when making any decisions.

A weak personality hides his feelings behind a mask, screen or facade. She is especially afraid of showing her weakness. She is afraid to show even herself what she is really going through.

It is easy to communicate with a strong personality. She is not burdened by psychological complexes and problems, she is cheerful and open to interaction.

On the contrary, a weak personality needs some kind of approach, it is necessary to somehow adapt to it. And a particularly weak personality does not like initiative; it simply scares him. In general, the weaker a person is, the more difficult it is to interact with him. Moreover, this does not depend on social status or financial situation. Listen to how difficult it is for some teachers or, for example, deputies to express themselves? Sometimes it seems that they have a hard time understanding themselves. Know that the more complex and incomprehensible a person expresses himself, the more primitive he is.

A strong personality is quite sensitive to his own feelings and states. Internal conflicts, doubts, negative emotions do not go unnoticed for her. On the contrary, the first thing she does is try to resolve such conflicts and contradictions in order to feel good.

A weak personality allows internal conflicts and contradictions to take their course. Gradually they turn into psychological complexes, neuroses, psychosomatic diseases, and negative character traits.

In addition, it should be added that a strong personality lives in the present, she constantly feels herself “here and now” and at the same time, as it were, feels like an inseparable, but still autonomous part of a single and interconnected world. This is a very important characteristic of a strong personality. A weak personality either opposes himself to the world, or tries to merge with it and lose his individuality.

Maslow notes that a strong person is free from guilt and shame.

“It’s a different matter for a neurotic – a feeling of guilt torments him, he is enslaved by shame and driven by anxiety. What a neurotic! Even the average representative of our culture, the so-called normal person, is ready to succumb to the experience of guilt, shame and anxiety, even in cases in which this is completely unnecessary.”.

Agree that shame and guilt are the very psychological “hooks” thanks to which you can easily manipulate a person. This is how it happens. Our parents first try to make us feel guilty in order to skillfully control our actions and decisions. Then other “influential” people do the same. A strong personality accepts himself with all his shortcomings. This means that she does not have complexes and will not experience feelings of shame or guilt. We can say that a strong personality is a shameless person.

“Speaking about this, I do not at all mean that he is characterized by complacency and narcissism, that he is absolutely satisfied with himself. I want to say that he knows how to coexist with his weaknesses, accepts his sinfulness and depravity, knows how to treat them as simply as we treat nature... These people perceive human nature as it is, and not as they wanted would like to see her. They boldly look at what appears to them, they do not squint or put on glasses to see what does not exist, they do not distort or paint reality in one color or another.”.

A strong personality is not ashamed of any of his needs; he is aware of their reality. Nothing human is alien to her, and she will not feel guilt or shame about her urges. She has a good appetite, sleeps soundly, and knows how to enjoy sex and other physiological desires.

“They consider all the impulses and impulses inherent in a normal person to be natural and deserving of satisfaction, they understand that nature has ordered it this way, they do not try to challenge its arbitrariness or impose on it an order of things that suits them... A natural continuation of the ability to accept becomes a reduced ability to disgust. Unpleasant moments associated with cooking, bodily secretions and odors, physiological functions do not cause in them the disgust with which the average person, and especially a neurotic, usually reacts... Low, animal urges and processes, as well as associated functions, such as sex, urination, pregnancy, menstruation, aging, etc., are perceived by these people completely calmly, as an integral part of reality.”.

Strong personality “Can’t stand poseurs. Hypocrisy, hypocrisy, insincerity, falsehood, pretense, the desire to impress - all these qualities are completely unusual for her. She doesn’t want to seem better than she is..." What about the others? Others try to appear, to impress, to show off, to fake... How many such people are there? You know how much it is!

A strong personality is quite spontaneous in his behavior. This does not mean irrational behavior, which many people often confuse. Irrationality is characteristic of people who are poorly aware of their inner motives and motivations. And spontaneity in the life of a strong personality is its conscious property.

Maslow writes:

“They behave simply and naturally, without trying to impress others. This does not mean that their behavior goes against conventions and traditions. Their unconventionality is not an external feature, but a deep, essential characteristic: a healthy person... is spontaneous, natural rather and mainly in his motives and thoughts than in behavior.”

A strong personality does not fight rituals and ceremonies that are very dear to other people, but rather “treats them with a grin.” However, if following norms, rituals and traditions prevents a strong personality from doing what he considers important, then he easily abandons them.

A strong personality is not at all a nihilist, as many people want to think. People try to accuse a strong personality of nihilism, that they deny everything and everyone for the sake of denial itself. This is not true. Nihilists fight to remove imaginary, insignificant restrictions, inflating their significance to a universal scale. Moreover, in my opinion, the nihilist is, in fact, engaged in denial for the sake of denial itself. A nihilist is a minor teenager who, in the very fact of denial, disdain for some norms or dogmas, wants to gain his own significance.

With a strong personality, everything is completely different. She does not look for some independent meaning in rabid denial, but on the contrary, a new meaning that a strong personality has discovered for herself in some things leads her to deny existing norms or restrictions.

“Inner spontaneity is found in a healthy person even in moments of absolute absorption in something important and interesting to him. At such moments, he seems to forget about all existing norms of behavior.”

In a typical society, weak people are constantly trying to drive a strong personality into a narrow framework of behavior, to limit it as strictly as possible. Society sometimes strongly dislikes a strong personality, often envies her, but no less often loves her. They usually try to hammer a nail that sticks out, right?

“Circumstances that impose obligations on a healthy person to comply with conditional instructions apparently weigh heavily on him. This observation can be confirmed by the fact that all the people we surveyed preferred precisely those situations and such companies in which they were free from the obligation to be predictable, in which they could behave freely and naturally.”

I, too, would never call a “correct” person with a “correct” life according to traditional concepts a strong personality.

“A natural consequence of this characteristic of a healthy person, or a natural concomitant characteristic, is their independence in moral convictions; their moral principles reflect their inherent identity to a greater extent than the ethical standards accepted in society.”

Please note that even morality is not something unshakable for a strong personality!

“A less thoughtful observer may consider such people immoral, since they not only tend to flout conventions, but can even, if the situation requires it, go against regulations and norms. However, this observer would be completely wrong. On the contrary, these people are highly moral, although their moral principles do not always coincide with generally accepted ones.”

“The ability to adequately perceive reality, the childish or, if you like, animal ability to accept oneself and the ability to spontaneity suggest that these people are able to clearly understand their own impulses, desires, preferences and subjective reactions in general. Clinical studies of this characteristic clearly confirm Fromm’s idea that the average person often has no idea what he really is, what he wants, what he thinks, what his point of view is.”

Now comes the fun part! A strong personality, unlike a weak one, is no longer bothered by problems of survival. If the motivations of an ordinary person lie externally, in the possibility of satisfying a need, then a strong personality, on the contrary, is driven by internal potentialities that require their implementation and development. First of all, it is driven by the need for self-development, self-expression and self-realization.

6. Distrust of authoritarian power.

This is one of the most important criteria, if not the most important. A strong personality does not obey anyone, because he always comprehends what is offered to him, that is, he evaluates critically. A strong personality cannot stand being told what to do, how and when. Neither parents, nor leaders, nor authorities, nor the environment, either directly or indirectly, can dictate to her what to do.

In addition, she is very sensitive to situations when they want to use her in some kind of manipulation, and she resolutely resists this. Personal interests come first for her. You can only cooperate with a strong personality - a “bottom-up” or “top-down” position is not acceptable for her.

A strong personality cannot have idols other than himself. There are people from whom she can learn something, but she never elevates them to the rank of idols. A strong personality does not engage in unnecessary theorizing. If a weak person knows something, but doesn’t know how, then a strong person knows how, but maybe doesn’t know, and sometimes doesn’t want to know, how she does it.

Abstract concepts, systems, norms, rules, responsibilities, mainly social, moral and ethical - all this is garbage that prevents you from independently understanding life and making your own decisions.

7. Cultural isolation, originality, creativity.

If you are no different from others, then where is your individuality? A strong personality is an individuality that manifests itself in anything - in sports, in work, and in communication. As Maslow wrote, “There is always more creativity in first-rate soup than in second-rate poetry.” A strong personality is not afraid to be different; on the contrary, she strives to express her individuality.

8. The need for isolation and solitude.

In order to comprehend something, make a decision, invent or create something, solitude is required, so a strong personality regularly feels the need to be alone. A strong personality can be alone without feeling lonely. A weak personality, on the contrary, is afraid to be alone, because alone with himself she is bored. She feels an irresistible need to go into the crowd (to a rally, to a disco, to a work group) in order to merge with it and forget about her inner emptiness. After all, there are few individuals in a crowd, right?

A strong personality, having achieved success, strives to leave the city or, if possible, spend as much time as possible outside the city.

A weak personality values ​​life in the city. Living in the city, he dreams of living in the center. Living in the provinces, he dreams of moving to the capital. It constantly seems to her that real life is somewhere out there, far away, just not next to her, and certainly not in herself. And if not in Moscow, then in America.

“It’s funny how fiercely the fear of remaining once again in the desert of our own world drives us into the crush of hubbub and feasting.”[AND. Huberman]

9. Constant freshness of assessment and desire to delve into the essence of things.

A strong personality constantly changes in the direction of growth: he does his job better, communicates, reflects, and is more capable. For this to be possible, it is necessary to constantly monitor what is happening around her, what the situation is like. In such conditions, personal views and personal assessment of various things cannot remain stable for too long. Excessive stability is a sign of stagnation.

A strong personality is ready to learn something new, to educate himself, and is ready for a possible change in his views and positions. A weak personality is not capable of this; this manifests its destructive conservatism.

The desire to delve into the essence of things, to “get to the bottom” of the truth undoubtedly characterizes a strong personality.

Don't avoid questions:

"Why? How? For what?" And also: “How can this be changed? What else can be done?

10. Distinguishing between acceptable and unacceptable.

A strong personality makes an almost intuitive distinction between acceptable and unacceptable actions. However, this does not mean unconditional moralization. In another situation, it may be acceptable and justifiable to hit or even kill a person, for example, in defense of one's life.

The most interesting thing is that almost any sane person, including a criminal, is aware of the acceptability or unacceptability of their actions. Surely he realizes that he is carrying out a socially unacceptable action? Consequently, he allows himself to behave in exactly the same way as he does to others.

For a strong personality, the type of behavior that can be used to “repay” oneself is unacceptable. For example, she avoids fraud because by committing it against another, she thereby allows fraud against herself. Why is this necessary? To admit in relation to others what is unacceptable for oneself is the lot of a weak personality.

A strong personality also distinguishes between means and ends. Let it be better to have the wrong goal than the wrong means. Do you remember by what means the building of communism was carried out? Violence, camps, prohibitions, dictatorship, suppression. So what - they built it? The same applies to the life of any individual: one must distinguish between goals and means.

11. Cheerfulness, a healthy sense of humor.

The cheerfulness of a strong personality is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on financial situation, the state of affairs, or the opinions of other people. It seems that strong people don’t care whether they make money or not, achieve their goal or not, negotiate successfully or not.

When getting into trouble or difficult situations, strong people always remain calm and calmly cheerful. They are not offended when people laugh at them. They don’t keep anything to themselves, especially negativity; they immediately react adequately to the current situation. Healthy laughter at oneself, kindly laughter at others is not just a state of mind, it is a sign of mental strength. It seems that such people are born, and even die, cheerfully.

12. Summit experiences.

Strong personalities are characterized by special, almost mystical experiences that are in the nature of insight, ecstasy, illumination, and can be associated with the creative process, with the process of cognition, with the expression of feelings, with certain achievements.

For example, some actor, or musician, or athlete exclaims: “How he played! How he played!

Without a doubt, at this moment the person was experiencing a pinnacle experience. Moreover, such experiences are “turned on” without any stimulants. At this moment a person feels extraordinary strength, lightness, merging with everything around him, and a loss of sense of time and place.

Kovalev Sergey Vladimirovich

__________________________________________

Why are some people more successful than others? Of course, everything can be attributed to various life circumstances. This will be partly true. But the main reason why people achieve great success is their personal qualities. Strong personalities differ from others in their way of thinking and set of character traits. These differences, in turn, create a pattern of behavior that is characteristic of strong people and leads them to success.

The main differences between a strong personality and a weak one:

Strong personalities are not inclined to waste time on regrets. Many troubles can happen to a person in life: illness, injury, loss of loved ones, breakups, loss of work and many other things that sometimes mentally break ordinary people. Not everyone manages to emerge from a strong shock with their heads raised. Often people become discouraged and do not raise their hands to correct the situation. But strong personalities cannot afford this. Successful people always have emotional resilience and a fighting spirit, which is why they are successful. They begin to act at the first suitable opportunity, regardless of what happened.

Strong personalities do not worry about things that do not depend on them. It doesn't always happen that everything goes according to plan. Sometimes the course of business is affected by force majeure circumstances. For example, a trip to nature, for which there were big plans, was postponed due to rain. Or the company where you worked closed. It is not rational to worry about such things, because it is not your fault. Strong people have such a rational approach, one might say, in their blood. Such a person will only care about what he can influence. And other factors will not cause him the slightest concern.

A strong person will never allow others to control his emotions. He will not give in to criticism of himself, or delve into what is said behind his back. As a result, self-esteem decreases and self-confidence disappears. You can't please everyone. Strong personalities understand this very well, and listen only to their own opinion, and the opinions of strangers do not bother them much.

A strong personality never backs down in the face of change. Many people spend years in jobs they don’t like with low pay. Some people can't decide to move. And some are afraid of new relationships because of failures with the previous ones. A strong person is not afraid of difficulties and will not miss an opportunity due to past failures or other risks.

A strong person will not hope for quick results. Weak people usually stop halfway when any problems arise. The activity may simply get boring for them, or may not bring the desired result in a short time. The strong ones will see it through to the end and hit the jackpot. Determination and perseverance are important qualities that distinguish strong people from weak ones.

A strong personality will not envy other people's achievements. Life is unfair, it's like a kind of lottery. Someone will have better starting positions anyway. Someone will be stronger, someone will have better health or a rich family. There is no point in holding a grudge against fate. A strong person will not have a complex about this. He will strive to new heights and do his best.

It suddenly dawned on me that “personal development” is an empty phrase for many readers. They don't understand what we're talking about.

This is why attacks on parents are “not enough” and persist. It seems that everything in a person can be brought up from the outside, if you try.

Everyone understands what education is. What is physical development - yes. All this can, in principle, be instilled from the outside. You can do exercises with your baby and wake up the schoolchild every morning by shouting “get ready to exercise,” not to mention going to the pool and skiing, sports clubs and dance clubs. At first he won’t be thrilled, maybe, but then he’ll get used to it and get used to it. You can read books aloud to him, and then pay for an expensive school, tutors and teachers. It is more difficult to instill intelligence from the outside than physical education, but still, if you study mathematics, physics and language all the time with a mentally intact child, he will definitely overcome the average level, and most likely will develop into an intellectual. Thanks to the efforts of parents.

Knowing this, many people think that it is parental laziness and selfishness that prevent children from growing into developed personalities.

But personality is something completely different. Physical and intellectual skills can fall apart like puzzles in different directions if there is no personality. There are smart people, educated since childhood and erudite, broken as individuals and useless to others and themselves. They have no motivation to work and don’t want to live, they feed themselves with various addictions, mainly chemical ones, because with the help of drugs and alcohol it is the easiest way to escape from themselves. But such people do not love themselves, because they have absolutely no control over themselves. Their personality is fragmented, weak, they do not have themselves.

Personal development is the main thing a person should do, and then all other skills, physical and intellectual, will be applied and developed. At almost any age, you can improve your education and develop yourself physically if you have a strong personality. But if there is no personality, it is useless to have any skills, everything will go down the drain. Or it will become food for addictions.

And there is no way to form a personality from the outside. And most importantly, turning your demanding gaze outward, to bad teachers and parents, you will remain without a personality. Personality is formed only when a person begins to rely on himself and learns to get by on his own, develops independence in managing himself, in controlling himself and organizing himself and his life. This is finding yourself.

This is all: self-esteem, self-regulation, locus of control - this is the personality, this is the system for managing your life energy, the ability to accumulate, invest, organize and distribute it, so as not to fall to the bottom of the energy pit, not to experience long-term breakdowns and apathy, quickly get out of any frustrations, shift attention from those areas where a barrier has arisen from external circumstances, do not confuse what you can and cannot influence. A strong personality controls and organizes himself so effectively that his life is like an exciting sea voyage and the discovery of new lands. And a weak person quickly runs aground or becomes a victim of robbers or goes to the bottom, and before that he floated as someone else’s passenger who did not choose the route.

In an effort to fill their child with useful skills, parents very often forget about the most important and useful thing - personality. If the child himself does not learn to create and maintain his own motivation, he himself will not learn to cope with boredom, laziness, bad mood, resentment, if he acquires all the skills only under the pressure of his parents, and identification (what am I?) with their active suggestion, already in adolescence At age, problems in the motivational sphere will become clear, and then more. He will become reluctant, lazy, or he will not see the meaning in anything, he will say that he does not believe in himself, does not feel the strength. And he is accustomed to unconditional love, to unconditional approval, like sweets instead of a balanced meal, and he wants a lot of it. He wants to receive the approval of authority figures without difficulty and therefore often seeks it in marginal spheres (girls seek sex with older men for gifts and admiration, boys learn to smoke and steal, for example).

The most interesting thing is that a teenager, accustomed to overprotection, will definitely blame the parent for the lack of his own motivation for study and work (he has no one else to turn to with his questions and complaints, he does not have himself, his parent replaces himself). He will say “you praised me too little, criticized me too much, so I don’t believe in myself enough.” He really feels a lack of self-confidence and is afraid of losing, he reflects this correctly. But he sees the culprit in the parent, although the problem is the lack of internal support, in jelly in the place of I. It seems to him that it was the parent “who did not give him confidence, did not instill stable self-esteem.” But it is impossible to give a person confidence in himself, just as it is impossible to give internal strength from the outside. You can’t “instill” stable self-esteem, you can help put on a crown of illusions. But this crown makes self-esteem even more unstable, up and down, because just a little something flies off, and the person is shaken by hysterics from a sudden collision with reality, self-hatred and hatred of the “culprits.”

The most important thing is personality: one’s own control over self-esteem, the ability to build boundaries, the ability to transfer attention from one resource to another, the ability to “master oneself,” as Pushkin said.

If your personality is strong, you control yourself, which means: you can support yourself, guide yourself, refuse what you cannot get now, ideally - put it aside, shift your attention to something else, enjoy useful activities, change directions of activity at your own request, find in any activity creativity, strive to complicate skills, progress, establish connections with people, receive sympathy from those who like you, protect your boundaries, protect self-esteem from ups and downs, control the regime and observe moderation in everything, alternate tension and relaxation, in general, lead strong-willed energy processes and supervise voluntary (spontaneous) ones, not interfering with them, but helping. This is a strong personality. Do you see how this is an internal, personal work in which others may participate indirectly or not at all?

Weak personality differs in that it always follows other people's volitional impulses. She has so little of her own will and motivation that she picks up any movement from the outside and follows it. Advertising on TV - she wants to buy it and eat or drink it. She goes to take out a consumer loan because she wants to get what she wants right now and cannot put it off. She doesn’t want to work, but wants to relax, but rest for her means withdrawing from herself into oblivion: alcohol, compulsive sex or other people’s games. She wants to passively have fun and have less and less energy for work. In love, she also goes with the flow. If she likes someone, she tries to get in touch, not paying attention to closed borders, persuades, pursues or tries to buy, and if she can’t get in touch, she dreams all the time, that is, she gets in touch in her imagination, stalks on social networks , identified, merged. The same is true for a weak personality with everything that attracts his attention.

Her attention wanders unattended, it has no owner, no will. Whatever caught her attention, it stuck there, to everything emotional, bright or dominant. It easily lends itself to any propaganda and quickly falls under any influence. She is real food, because she has no personal center, just biological and nervous material. She may have some skills, something that teachers and parents taught her, she may have a beautiful body, but she doesn’t have someone who can manage all this from the inside, it’s all lying around like pasture and everyone can do it use it if you want. And when it all degrades, no one wants to use it anymore, they will start kicking it aside.

A weak personality always reflects only someone else's will, does not have his own at all, and therefore is not himself.

How to start becoming yourself?

1. Stop blaming parents and other dominant figures. Find the dominant in yourself, start growing it.

2. Assign your self-esteem to your mom, and your locus of control to your dad.

3. Realize that self-esteem swings up and down and the diffusion of boundaries is a lack of ego muscles. The muscles of the ego become stronger from Work.

5. Fall in love with the idea of ​​becoming your own boss. Fall in love with the idea of ​​working on yourself and the idea of ​​the thrill of work.

This is how you can shift the focus to the internal supports, move and hold. Then you need to live, communicate, do everyday life, study, work, but adhere to these attitudes and focus only on them. This quite quickly and significantly allows you to achieve progress, that is, to feel your holistic personality, to feel its center within yourself. This center needs to be further developed and strengthened in practice.

Do you feel like you are the owner? What's stopping you? What helps?

Click " Like» and get the best posts on Facebook!