Dear group members!
Due to your numerous requests, we are opening a new section “Questions to the Fortuneteller”. Many people often send the group administrators various questions addressed to the Foreteller Mikhail, whose forecasts we regularly publish. We have forwarded your questions to him and will publish answers to the most interesting ones. Questions that you would like answered, please send me a personal message, and also duplicate them to the antex administrator. We will forward them to Mikhail, and publish the answers in our group!
Sincerely, Roxana Bessonova.
- How to ask a tarot reader a question correctly?
Michael:- In fact, this question is really very important. Most of those who come for a consultation, as a rule, talk about their problem in a very confusing way, and after telling it, there is a pause, but the question is never asked. Therefore, the very first thing we do during a consultation is to organize the problem that the person came with, figuratively speaking - we put it on shelves, divide it into components, and then formulate a question. That is, the question must be posed clearly so that a situation can be selected for it, the situation can be comprehensively considered taking into account various influencing factors - both from the person himself and his environment, and after that advice can be given on how best to proceed. Only in this case can the consultation be complete and bring benefit to the applicant.
To make it clearer, I will give an example. This is the average image of a converted person:
- Hello, everything is bad for me, I don’t know what to do. When will everything be okay?
In principle, tarot readers have layouts that can be used to identify the main problem that worries a person. But this takes a lot of time and often seeing the problem from the outside can frighten the applicant. Therefore, as a rule, we begin to find out what this “everything” that is so bad consists of. Upon closer examination, it turns out that something is really bad, but not so bad as to fall into depression and despair. I was fired from my job, but it seemed like options for finding a job began to appear; the beloved left - but promised to return; I want to go on vacation - but it’s difficult to choose where exactly; health problems have begun to appear - but not yet so critical as to despair hopelessly; and so on and so forth - it is simply impossible to list all the questions that are addressed. Therefore, when turning to prediction specialists, you need to clearly formulate the question to which you want to receive an answer. Then the prediction will be quite clear, and it will be easier for you, the questioner, to understand how to proceed.
Examples of "wrong" questions:
1. When will I be happy?
2. I meet only idiots, when will I find myself a normal one?
3. I spent my whole life in poverty, when will I win a million in the lottery?
4. My husband is an alcoholic, my son is an alcoholic, my neighbor is an alcoholic, what should I do with them and how should I live with them?
5. I need a car, but I don’t know what to do?
6. Look at the maps, where can I find a job without bosses, with a free schedule and enough money?
7. I want to get married, but no one will take me. When will they take me?
8. When will I have a lot of money?
9. When will everything be normal in my life?
10. A friend asked to know when she will have a boyfriend and who it will be - Seryozha, with whom she studied, Dima, with whom she was at sea, or Sasha, who has a BMW?
Believe me, these questions are not made up - these are just some of the questions from the letters that I regularly receive. For obvious (I hope obvious from the outside) reasons, I don’t even respond to such letters.
Now - an example of correctly formulated questions. A correctly formulated question is always preceded by a brief background to the situation.
1. I am currently looking for a job. Received several offers. Which one should you choose to earn more money and have career growth?
2. Problems have arisen in your relationship with your loved one. How will relations between us develop in the future?
3. I am going to take training courses. There are several organizations where this can be done. In which of them will the result be more effective?
4. We are planning to move to a new home. When will be the most favorable period for us to do this?
5. I want to sell my car. What is the maximum amount you can earn from a transaction?
6. Is it worth changing jobs at the moment or is it better to wait for a more favorable opportunity?
7. Met a guy. We seem to like each other. Is a serious relationship possible between us?
8. I plan to hire such and such a person. There are some doubts - not so much about his competence, but about his integrity. Is it worth stopping at this candidate?
9. I plan to open a new office due to business expansion. How successful will his work be during the year?
10. I am interested in the forecast for (such and such a period). What time will be more favorable for successful financial activities?
So when you
We love to ask questions, more often to others than to ourselves. Behind this lies the shifting of responsibility for one’s life and decisions, the search for an authoritative figure - a symbolic ideal parent who knows everything and will always help. The search is a priori unsuccessful and blind. How to learn to ask yourself questions correctly and finally accept responsibility for your own life?
We ask advice from a thrice-divorced friend about her relationship with her husband, from a childless neighbor about raising children, from a bankrupt friend we consult on business matters. For what? Yes, sometimes we just don’t understand that only accepting responsibility allows you to build your life the way you want, to realize yourself, not to blindly repeat the mistakes of others, but to productively learn from your own.
There are questions about our life, the answers to which only we know: they are related to our subjective experiences, desires, needs, invisible and incomprehensible from the outside. For example, “What profession do I want to choose?”, “What partner should I go through life with?”
Another part of the questions to yourself does not have clear answers, but they need to be asked for the sake of the process of reflection: “What is the meaning of my life?”, “Who am I now?”
Such “questions and answers” allow you to get in touch with yourself, become authentic, realize yourself productively, establish contact with your unconscious and use its resources.
How to ask questions
Five important rules
So, all you need is some free time and the opportunity to reflect in silence.
1. The question you ask yourself should concern you exclusively.
Our unconscious knows everything about us and very little about others. “Will there be a magnetic storm on Mars tomorrow?” - the question is in the wrong place. You can ask questions that help you make a choice, clarify your own true desires and capabilities, suppressed feelings, and the causes of ailments.
2. Of course, the question should be relevant, and not asked out of idle curiosity.
The unconscious responds only in response to an important request; it should not be “disturbed” over trifles. Otherwise, it may turn out like in a fairy tale in which the boy shouted: “Wolves, wolves!” - for adults to come running to save him. They came running so many times on a false signal that later, when real danger came, they did not come to the rescue and the boy was eaten by wolves.
3. Positive wording of the question.
Avoid the particle “not”, the words “get rid”, “throw away”. It’s all very simple: unconsciously we never give up anything, we decide to keep it “in reserve.” Remember the parable about Khoja Nasreddin? One moneylender was drowning in the lake; they held out their hands to him, shouting: “Give me your hand!” And only Khoja Nasreddin thought of extending help with the words: “Here, take it!” The greedy usurer could not give anything, he could only take...
Any of our patterns or habits can come in handy sooner or later. Unconsciously, we only acquire new things, but do not give up the old. So don’t ask yourself “how to lose weight” or “quit smoking.” Look for a positive formulation: “How to motivate yourself to a healthy lifestyle, to get healthier?”
4. If you want a specific answer, your question must also be specific.
Without general words about “achieving universal happiness” and “absolute harmony.”
5. Honesty with yourself is important.
When asking a question, be prepared for the answer. Alas, sometimes we deceive ourselves. Remember how in the movie “Tootsie” the hero’s girlfriend asks him: “Tell me honestly, do you care about me anymore?” - and hears the answer “yes”. Tootsie is discouraged, she is not ready for this. “Oh no, not that!” - exclaims the heroine.
If you yourself cannot find the answer to your question, you may not want to find out this information.
Harmful questions
1. Attempts to find out the future are incorrect.
Our unconscious is capable of making predictions, but reality is influenced by too many factors that cannot be calculated. And false forecasts can cause harm: lead to disappointment and maladjustment.
2. Questions containing self-accusation destroy us.
For example, the question “Why do I need this?” It’s better to reformulate it into the questions “What is it teaching me?”, “What is the reason for this?” Self-blame is destructive, and the search for the reasons and limits of one’s responsibility encourages change.
3. Forced questions.
There are things that are truly relevant for us at this stage, and there are things that are important for our loved ones, but they are trying to impose it on us, even with the best intentions. “Why don’t you get married?”, “Why don’t you have children?”, “Aren’t you striving for a promotion at work?”, “Aren’t you moving to a more prestigious area?” etc. You need to ask yourself only the question that is relevant specifically for you, and not for others. Otherwise, there can be no answer, as in the film “The Diamond Arm”: “Explain to your friend quickly why Volodka shaved his mustache.”
Such different answers
Don’t expect the answer to be clear and understandable, resembling instructions for action. The unconscious can put content into different forms: words, visual images, metaphors, memories, fantasies. The answer may be clear immediately, or it may take some time to decipher. But a correctly asked question always comes with an answer.
There are also special psychological exercises that help you learn how to ask yourself questions correctly. We have collected for you the best exercises and techniques offered by various psychotherapeutic directions. Try and choose yours.
Exercise from body-oriented psychotherapy
Sit with your feet shoulder-width apart and your back straight (you can lean on the back of a chair). Focus on the question you want to ask yourself and repeat it several times. Now concentrate on the area in the lower abdomen: there is a symbolic center responsible for the so-called centering - establishing contact with yourself. Turn off extraneous thoughts, focus on your question, concentrate on the center in the lower abdomen - imagine that you are breathing through it. Do the exercise for 10-15 minutes, this will help you discard the unnecessary and focus on the main thing.
Exercise from psychosynthesis by Roberto Assagioli
Imagine that inside you there is a certain wise mentor, a sage who knows the answers to all questions. Visualize this image. Go to a symbolic meeting with him, enter into dialogue. In this dialogue you can ask all your questions, and the “mentor” will give answers. It is important to take this exciting game seriously and trust yourself.
An exercise popular in many psychotherapeutic schools
Prepare a sheet of paper and a pen. Close your eyes and repeat your question several times. Now open your eyes and write down on paper everything that comes to mind for 10 minutes. If there are pauses, continue after them anyway. Take a break and re-read your notes. Try to find a key theme, highlight repeated words or those that most attract your attention. Underline them and re-read only the underlined words. Consider the clue given by your unconscious mind.
Art therapy exercise
Prepare a sheet of paper and paints or pastels. Focus on your question, then start drawing what you want and how you want. Draw until you want to stop. Study the resulting drawing - this is a metaphorical answer to your question. Examine the drawing from different angles and distances. What images do you see there? What associations arise? Focus on them and try to interpret this answer.
For yourself?
To understand yourself better, you need to be able to ask the right questions. Stephen Aitchison's 30 provocative questions can serve as an example of such internal dialogue.
What are the right questions? Probably those that help you see yourself from the outside, through the eyes of an outside observer.
If everything in your life is going great, you can quickly skim through S. Aitchison’s 30 questions (or even not read them at all) and move on through life with a joyful smile. What if something in your life is not going as you would like?
Often a person finds himself in a dead end situation:
No progress;
— no expected results;
- no prospects;
- it seems to you that there is no way to move from the “dead point.” This can apply to any area of activity: relationships, work, health, career, friends.
Some call this state “rat race”, others call it “the usual comfort zone.” This may be due to depression or loss of strength. What to do in such a situation?
Stop and calmly analyze what is happening to you.
Recently, many have begun to turn to professionals for help: psychologists or personal coaches. They help you understand yourself and your existing problems.
What does a psychologist or coach do?
Asks the right questions. In this case, in no case will a professional answer for you. He will only lead you to the right question.
If you want to independently understand your specific impasse, re-read Stephen Aitchison's list of 30 provocative questions. If you answer them honestly and truthfully, then most likely you will find hints: where to move next.
30 provocative questions by Stephen Aitchison.
1. What can I do today to achieve my goals?
2. What time are you most productive at work?
3. What can I do today to pamper myself?
4. What are 5 things I can be grateful for in my life?
5. What can I do today to make a difference in someone's life?
6. What is my best character trait?
7. What do I really want to do with my life?
8. Do I really want these people (list) in my life?
9. What can I do to save a small amount every day?
10. How much TV do I watch during the day?
11. Do I really need all these things?
12. When was the last time I read a good book?
13. When was the last time I said “No”?
14. Does it really matter what other people think of me?
15. What do I want to achieve this year?
16. What is the next “great goal” I want to achieve?
17. What can I do to feel happy?
18. When was the last time I broke the boundaries of my comfort zone?
19. What are my values in life?
20. What steps should I take today in order to move towards my plans?
21. What should my ideal day look like: from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed?
22. What good habits would I like to instill in myself?
23. How can I get rid of bad habits?
24. Who inspires me the most?
25. What qualities do people I admire have?
26. Will my dreams remain just dreams, or can I make them real?
27. What would happen if I let go of _______________?
28. What do I really love about my job?
29. What would I do differently if I had the opportunity to live this moment again?
30. What will I do after reading these questions?
After reading this list, the conclusion suggests itself: The more often we review our emotions, feelings, habits, thoughts, the simpler, easier and more interesting we will live.
Often the right question asked of yourself makes you move better and faster in the right direction. By answering it, you have a vision of new possibilities, you begin to feel a surge of strength and energy.
For me Stephen Aitchison's 30 provocative questions became an example of how to ask yourself questions correctly and really lead to another realization: how and where to move on. Especially from the 25th to the 30th.
How to ask questions correctly to yourself?
Do you have a problem with this?
How correctly and promptly asked questions help you in life?
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Our questions to our interlocutor are not only a way to find out more about him, but also an opportunity to show our attitude towards him. “The ability to pose reasonable questions,” said Immanuel Kant, “is an important and necessary sign of intelligence and insight.”
According to statistics, a three-year-old child asks about a thousand questions a month, most of which begin with the word “why.” By comparison, a 60-year-old person is limited to an average of 500 questions per year. However, we should not rush to conclusions: they say, the more years we get, the less interested we are in the environment. a pressing world. The main thing is not quantity, but quality.
Thinking about how to make communication between two people complete, linguists developed criteria for a “smart question.” It should be:
♦Concrete, not abstract - unlike, say, the one with which the poetess Zinaida Gippius “killed” an interlocutor she didn’t like. She asked him: “What is your metaphysics?” And the person, as a rule, did not find the answer.
♦Clear, not ambiguous, when a person is lost, not knowing how to answer.
♦As concise as possible. There is a good example of this from ancient times. One day, neighbors turned to the residents of Sparta for help. But instead of asking if the Spartans would share their bread, they made a long speech. And we received the answer: “Having listened to you to the end, we forgot the beginning. And having forgotten the beginning, they did not understand the end.” The next day, the petitioners said only four words to the Spartans: “Please help us with wheat!”, after which they were given help.
♦Logical, that is, following from the analysis of what was previously said.
♦Positive, that is, creative and, if possible, pleasant for the interlocutor.
♦Interesting for both parties.
Questions allow you to penetrate into the thoughts and intentions of another person, understand his true motives, value system, and reveal his inner world. Avoiding questions leads to fragile, superficial relationships between people. Agree, if a person doesn’t ask us anything, it means he’s not interested in us. And if so, then Why should we show interest ourselves? Here lies the main reason for one of the most common problems - loneliness. Do you feel like you are alone and no one understands you? Be interested in other people!
Neglecting questions also means opening the way to guesses and all kinds of assumptions, creating an idea of others based on your own conjectures, attributing to them certain advantages or disadvantages. Without finding out a person’s real intentions, we build a scheme of actions for him, guided by our understanding of his motives, which may be very far from reality. Then we adjust our behavior to this scheme, invented from beginning to end. And what is the result? Misunderstandings, quarrels, resentments...
There is another side to the problem. We need internal dialogue with ourselves. Any thinking begins with a question. By asking yourself questions, a person can learn to control his behavior, understand his true goals, feelings masked by the subconscious. And the more a person talks to himself internally, the more confident and consistent his external speech and behavior become. Albert Einstein told his students: “Questioning yourself is the driving force of creativity!”
And most internal conflicts, torments, doubts, which are based on the problem of choice, are resolved by dialogue with oneself using sincere and honest questions.
You can ask them to yourself, but to others... We are often afraid to talk to others. To make communication mutually interesting and productive, you need to know a few more secrets.
One of them is the so-called “open questions”. They are structured so that the respondent gives detailed information - expresses his thoughts, sets out the facts, his position.
If a question is designed to answer only “yes” and “no”, it is called “closed”. It has been noticed that police officers, for example, mostly ask “closed” questions, while investigators ask “open” questions.
In “closed” questions there is usually a certain element of coercion; there is no sense of interest in the interlocutor. They do not allow the dialogue to develop, causing hidden irritation in the interlocutor and refusal of the conversation.
For example, here is a “closed” question: “Are you sure you have done everything necessary?” An open question on this topic: “What measures have you taken?” Or: “What did you do about this?”
Another example. “Do you like your job?” - “closed” question. “What do you like most about your job?” - an “open” question.
By asking “open” questions that require detailed answers, we build trusting relationships. By doing this, we show people that we are willing to spend our time to find out more about them, that we care about them, we respect them, and we want to know their opinion.
But before you ask an “open” question out loud, ask it to yourself and think: would you be interested in answering it yourself? Does he make you want to communicate? If not, try to formulate it in different words or find another, more interesting question. Don't be afraid to seem slow-witted. “A small fish is better than a big cockroach,” the Chinese say. It’s better to say a few words that your interlocutor will appreciate and remember than to rant for a long time to no avail.
One day, a rich and powerful padishah had a terrible dream and called two sages and predictors to him. The first, after listening to the padishah's story, declared: “Lord, I must tell you unpleasant news: soon you will lose all your comrades.” The ruler was angry and ordered the interpreter to be put in prison. The second sage said to the padishah: “I am glad to tell you the good news: you will outlive all your friends and enemies.” The delighted padishah generously rewarded the sage for his prediction. The courtiers were surprised: “You said the same thing as your predecessor. Why was he punished and you received a reward? To which came the answer: “We interpreted the dream in the same way. But everything depends not on what to say, but how to say it.”
Blaise Pascal was absolutely right when he argued: “Otherwise the words arranged take on a different meaning, otherwise the thoughts expressed make a completely different impression.”
There are a few rules to keep in mind to make the question as effective as possible.
First of all, you need to ask yourself: “What do I want to achieve with this conversation?” Diplomats say this: “Whoever knows the purpose of the conversation controls it.” When people don't think about it, they talk too much, go off topic, get into unnecessary arguments and discussions, and lose not only their time, but also their authority.
Experienced communication experts say that the interlocutor’s answer depends 60-80% on the question. Thus, with due attention to the formulation and content of our questions, we can practically influence the interlocutor, causing the reaction we need.
With a certain degree of confidence, we can say that if you receive an answer that does not suit you, then most likely you asked the wrong question.
Even the order of words in a sentence is very important. People tend to pay more attention to the first words, and the more words that follow, the less attention they pay to them - one is simply concerned with understanding the overall meaning. Hence the hint: at the beginning of the question you should put words that carry the main meaning.
Try to formulate questions positively. Let's take a simple everyday situation: a young man wants to please a girl and decides to treat her to ice cream. What can he tell her? Variations are possible.
First option: “Would you like some ice cream?” Most likely, the answer awaits him: “Thank you, I don’t want to.” Because he started the question with a negative particle.
Another version of the question: “Would you like some ice cream?” The answer will be the same. Because the wording “you don’t want to” discourages any desire to eat ice cream.
Another option: “Do you want some ice cream?” Here the chances of a positive answer are much greater. But if the girl is shy or the guy is not familiar to her yet and has not yet liked her, then a negative answer may follow.
The most correct question would be: “Which ice cream do you like better - ice cream or popsicle?” The young man does not ask if the girl wants ice cream at all, but immediately offers a pleasant choice. Everyone wins - both the guy who got the opportunity to make a favorable impression on his chosen one, and the girl who felt that they were interested in her opinion.
The choice question will also be useful in communicating with children. “Are you going to bed now or when will you put the toys away?” - the mother asks her son. “When I put the toys away...” - the baby is forced to answer.
Another variant of a similar question: “Where would you like to discuss this problem - on my territory or on your territory?”
A very effective technique that was once loved apply Socrates. Its essence was to force a person to answer “yes” to several questions in a row. If during communication your interlocutor says “yes” to you many times and agrees with you, then by inertia he will be inclined to accept your opinion or statement in the future, even if he was initially your opponent.
The Swiss writer Johann Lavater, who lived in the second half of the 18th century, wrote: “If you want to be wise, learn to ask wisely, listen carefully, answer calmly and remain silent when there is nothing more to say.”
Alexander Kazakevich. Magazine "Be Healthy!", 12 -2012
The quality of the answer depends not only on who we ask the question to, but also on how we ask it. If you ask the wrong question, you are almost guaranteed to get the wrong answer. The right questions significantly increase the chances of getting advice and useful information. Let's try to figure out what needs to be done for this.
5 mistakes of the questioner
1. Ask a question that already contains the answer
Very often the person asking has his own version of the answer, and he wants to check it. In this case, it is important that the question does not contain any indication of the “correct” answer. Examples of such questions: “Do we really need to take on this order?”, “I think it will work, do you think so too?”, “You agree that it will work?” and so on. When a question is addressed from a superior to a subordinate, the likelihood of receiving the desired answer increases many times over. If you really want to know the opinion of your interlocutor, and not just decided to share it with him, do not make it clear that you are only waiting for his approval.
2. Ask a closed question
Closed questions are those that have a limited number of answer options. Typically two or three. The most famous example is Shakespeare's “to be or not to be.” If you are not Shakespeare, you should not force the answerer into a framework. It is quite possible that there are many more possibilities beyond. A simple example: your boss loads you with extra work. “Agree or refuse?” - you ask your friend, thereby missing the option “Agree, but for a salary increase.”
3. Pretend you understand the answer even though you don’t.
Not all answers are equally clear. An unclear answer is useless. If you are not sure that you understood your interlocutor, you should not hide this fact. Managers are often afraid to ask for clarification because it allegedly demonstrates their incompetence. Meanwhile, former General Electric CEO Jack Welch, in his book Winning, argues that leaders should ask the most questions and their questions should be the best.
4. Put pressure on the respondent
“What the hell is going on with your project?” “Are you even going to work?”, “What kind of nonsense are you showing me?” - in all these cases, the questioner will receive only . If your goal is to get the employee to admit guilt, then you are doing everything right. If the goal is to understand the problem, then putting pressure on the respondent will only hurt. Business consultant Michael Marquardt writes that when people defend themselves, they tend to view themselves as part of the problem rather than as a source of possible solutions.
wittaya2499/Depositphotos.com5. Ask a whole series of questions
This method is so good that it is used deliberately when they do not want to hear the answer. Just ask your interlocutor a lot of questions in a row, preferably interrupting him. That's all. It, and you will not receive an answer to any of the questions.
Asking the right questions eliminates the need to know all the answers.
Donald Peterson, Ford CEO (1985–1989)
5 good ideas for asking the right questions
1. Prepare
If you are having a conversation where you will ask important questions, it makes sense to prepare in advance: determine the essence of the problem and the purpose of the conversation, sketch out a list of questions.
2. Formulate the question in one sentence
Business consultant Jeff Haden suggests using this technique to get rid of “hints” in questions. Plus, short questions tend to be more understandable. By trying to fit it into one sentence, you yourself will better understand the essence of the problem.
3. Formulate several options for the question
During the preparation process, it is advisable to select several options for the same question. This will allow you to look at the problem from different angles. It can be useful to set the same one for different time periods. For example, not “What can be done to increase sales?”, but “What can be done to increase sales in the next month?”
eteimaging/Depositphotos.com 4. Start questions with “why”
Such questions are aimed at identifying the cause. “Why” softens directive questions very well. For example, instead of “You still haven’t submitted the project. What's happening?" It’s better to ask “Why can’t you deliver the project on time?” There is even a special technique for identifying hidden causes -.
5. Ask clarifying questions
Among the important questions, there are few that require a short, clear and single answer. Much more often we are faced with problems for which there are many possible solutions, and the consequences are difficult to assess. Several sequential questions, each of which develops and clarifies the previous one, allow you to get deeper and more useful answers. If a question becomes a reason for dialogue, discussion, discussion, it is a good question.
For most people, asking questions is as natural as walking or eating. They don’t think about whether they are doing it well or poorly. But if the answer depends on the correct answer, it makes sense to work on the quality of the questions. Do you use any special techniques to ask good questions?
