Women with an unsettled personal life. What is the reason for failures in your personal life? Unsettled personal life, bad luck in love, loneliness - such problems are solved in a psychological consultation via Skype

At a psychologist’s appointment you can often hear: “... everything is going well in my life. I am a completely prosperous person. But I feel bad and don’t understand why this is happening. It’s hard for me and I want to change it, but I don’t know what to change and how to do it.”

Each of our states has reasons, and so does the feeling of dissatisfaction with life.

Firstly, it is possible you're really missing something important to feel like you are living a full and fulfilling life.

Sometimes it is clear to us what exactly is missing for happiness, but for various reasons we do not make efforts to get what we lack. For example, you have long wanted to change your profession, but the need to come to terms with a temporary reduction in wages and the fear that you will not be able to achieve success in your new profession are preventing you from doing so. Or someone has dreamed of playing the piano since childhood, but it seems that it is too late to start and they should give up “stupid childhood fantasies.” Sometimes the only way to change our life that comes to our mind is too radical to bring it to life.

But sometimes we don’t even understand what exactly doesn’t suit us in our own lives. Either because we consider it unimportant, or even the very understanding of what we lack already requires internal changes. Perhaps the most common example is when a woman is dissatisfied with a man’s attitude towards herself. Although a lot of things hurt her, expressing her dissatisfaction for her is tantamount to a decision to break up. But she doesn’t want to break up, so, unbeknownst to herself, she convinces herself that everything is fine and she has a wonderful relationship. But for “an unknown reason,” he feels dissatisfied with life and is moping.

Another reason - problems of self-esteem and self-acceptance. Some people tend to pay little attention to the good and valuable what is in them and in their lives. If you carefully question such a person, he himself will be surprised to notice that there is a lot of value in his life and this improves his mood. But usually not for long, because after a while, he habitually stops noticing the good again.

Other people are extremely demanding of themselves and mercilessly scold themselves at the slightest failure. It’s as if an unfriendly critic is constantly commenting on what they think, feel and do: “this is nonsense, this is kindergarten, well, here you are again in this: of course, what else could be expected from you.” It is not surprising that they are constantly dissatisfied with themselves.

And finally, dissatisfaction with oneself can be one of the symptoms. Feelings of guilt, feelings of worthlessness and thoughts about your own uselessness - if you are familiar with these feelings, you should seek psychological help.

All these reasons may be interconnected.

For example, being overly demanding of ourselves can lead us to refuse to make efforts to achieve what we want. And why? After all, nothing good will come of it anyway. If we do not achieve what is important and valuable to us, the feeling of being a failure will grow and strengthen. With some predisposition, this can eventually lead to depression.

And it happens the other way around. A person develops depression - and he believes that there is nothing good and valuable in his life. These thoughts are so convincing that he forgets that when he was healthy, he loved and valued his work, family, friends, and hobbies.

The help of a psychologist when working with dissatisfaction with life and dissatisfaction with oneself is to find the reasons for what is happening and help eliminate them.

Help may be needed in understanding what is missing and planning how to add it into your life. Often one or two meetings with a professional psychologist are enough, and you can do the rest of the work yourself.

In other cases, psychological help consists of teaching you to notice the good and evaluate yourself realistically, make reasonable demands on yourself, defend your interests, etc. In this case, the professional psychologist partly acts as a coach. He draws up a training plan, helps not to overstrain himself from unbearable loads, and supports him in case of failures. If the problem is depression, psychotherapy is necessary. Sometimes, in addition to psychotherapy, a psychologist may suggest seeing a doctor to prescribe medications.

We are all dissatisfied with ourselves sometimes and this is completely normal. But if this feeling does not go away for a long time and grows, come to us, together we will figure out what the reasons are and overcome the difficulties.

2015, Psychodynamics. When reprinting or copying texts, an active link to is required.

— Let me put you in a neurosis clinic?
- You better find me a decent husband.
- Do you think this will help you?
- What about it? All nervous diseases are caused by unsettled personal life.

Yulia Shilova. Looking for a decent husband, or Attention, casting!

The feeling of unsettledness as a quality of personality is a feeling that periodically manifests itself in the awareness of one’s poor organization, lack of provision with everything necessary, and the unsettled nature of one’s life, including personal life.

A young daughter comes to her father and says: “Father, I’m tired, I have such a hard, unsettled life, such difficulties and problems, I’m always swimming against the tide, I don’t have any more strength.” What should I do? How to get rid of the feeling of unsettledness? Instead of answering, my father put three identical pots of water on the fire. I threw carrots into one, put an egg into another, and poured coffee into the third. After a while, he took the carrots and egg out of the water, and then poured coffee from the third pan into the cup. - What has changed? - he asked his daughter. “The egg and carrots were cooked, and the coffee dissolved in the water,” she answered. - No, my daughter, this is only a superficial look at things. Look - hard carrots that have been in boiling water have become soft and pliable. The fragile and liquid egg became hard. Outwardly they have not changed, they only changed their structure under the influence of the same unfavorable circumstances - boiling water. Likewise, people who are strong outwardly can fall apart and become weak where the fragile and tender ones only harden and become stronger. - And coffee? – asked the daughter. - ABOUT! This is the most interesting! Coffee completely dissolved in the new hostile environment and changed it - turned it into a magnificent aromatic drink. There are special people who do not change under the influence of circumstances - they change the circumstances themselves and turn them into something new and beautiful, extracting benefit and knowledge from the most difficult situation.

A feeling of internal unsettlement arises along with the appearance of self-pity, awareness of one’s unhappiness and a feeling of emptiness. A person refuses to believe that unsettlement is usually temporary, that life consists of changes, that something is constantly taken out of life and something is added. He does not want to admit to himself that the feeling of unsettledness is just an incorrect reaction to objects and situations in the outside world.

Life periodically offers us to learn some lessons, and instead of learning the lessons, we voluntarily fall into a Procrustean bed of unsettledness, begin to complain and justify our bad luck in our personal lives. A restless, lustful mind wants everything at once, here and now. He doesn’t want to listen to the voice of reason, which persistently repeats: “You don’t need to worry about your instability.” Everything that is destined for you will definitely come. You just need to grow personally, improve, don’t stray from the path of your life, and don’t do anything stupid.

Wishes will definitely come true if a person deserves them. If a certain reserve of piety has been accumulated, that is, if there are decent savings in the “personal account” in the form of good deeds, then there is reason to lay claim to some material and spiritual benefits. The more good you do to people, the more “lucky” you are in life. Lucky is the one who is lucky. That is, those who do good around themselves are lucky.

For example, a girl wants to get married. You need to forget about your intention to get married and turn all your attention to the man’s intention. You need to ask yourself: - For a serious man to go to the registry office, what can I offer him? It’s not what I can take from him, but what I can give. Usually a girl tries to solve this problem by external means: clothes, hairstyle, cosmetics, all sorts of “tricks and jumps” of flirting. Psychologists say that mostly girls with model appearance are the most unhappy in terms of their marital life. Of course, with significant exceptions, but they are now leading the world in terms of their unsettled personal lives.

When a woman flaunts her external components, the inner world remains in the position of Cinderella, no one sees it. It is not surprising that such girls come across superficial, frivolous and irresponsible men. They peck at the legs, butt, and waist. They themselves have a weak little mind, and they are looking for women to match themselves. A responsible, reasonable, serious man will be led not only by a woman’s external attractiveness, but will definitely take a closer look at her personality qualities.

A prudent girl will try to develop the best feminine personality traits in herself in order to get married. There are quite a lot of them. For example, caring, complaisance, tenderness, softness, flexibility, fidelity, the ability to forgive, compassion, sensitivity, the ability to inspire a man. Books and advice alone are not enough to become a magnet for men. We need to find a living example - women who managed to create a happy family, and learn from this example how to build a relationship with a man.

Typically, the more unsettled women are in their personal lives, the more they want to immerse themselves in work. The nature of a woman is family. She can find true happiness in the family. External activities are the lot of men. No matter how successful a woman achieves in the external field, she will experience a feeling of unsettlement if her loved one and children are not nearby.

For example, a woman has her own company. She has a beautiful house, a luxury car, lovers, and complete financial independence. It would seem that there is no room for feeling unsettled. But it is there. A woman lives someone else’s life, does not realize her nature. But you can't be happy living someone else's life. A person is happy if he realizes his nature, his life purpose. Time passes, and the businesswoman feels disappointed, becomes despondent and depressed. A feeling of unsettledness is registered in the soul for a long time.

A feeling of unsettlement can arise against the background of everyday problems: lack of comfortable housing, good work, inability to fully satisfy one’s material needs. It should be noted that the feeling of unsettledness is one-sided. In this circumstance lies his trap. A married couple links all their omissions and disagreements to one single moment of unsettlement, for example, to the fact that there is no separate housing, or to the fact that there is no child. Some time passes, a child and an apartment appear, and the quarrels continue. Household unsettlement has disappeared, but lead clouds continue to gather over the family.

Some couples try to level out their feelings of unsettledness at the expense of the child. The baby will be born and everything will be fine. It doesn’t work out with the husband, and the woman tries to direct her love to the child and strives to get it back from the child.

Feeling unsettled is deeply selfish in nature. A person thinks about his problems all the time and becomes completely fixated on them. Inner disorder miraculously dissolves when we begin to think about the problems of others, when we begin to unselfishly care about others.

Petr Kovalev 2014

Tatiana29

Hello!
Please tell us about yourself.
Who do you live with? Are there parents, brothers, sisters, friends?
What do you enjoy in your free time? Have you finished paying off your debts? How long have you been working? Why don't you change jobs?
How long has this depressed state been going on?

I am 29 years old, I have had no personal life for 10 years, none at all. I hate my job, I work in sales. I paid off my debts for two years. Home work, Gestapo working conditions through humiliation and insults. I got fat eating stress. How to get out of this state!? Please help me, give me a ray of light, the meaning of life.
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Hello, thank you for your response. After school, I went to study at college in another city, and stayed there. There was no work in my specialty. I studied not by choice, but for show. I got a job as a salesperson. I worked for a month in a store, didn’t get paid, and had debts because I had to pay for rented housing and so on. I took out a loan, paid off all my debts, got another job, again in trade, I had little experience, my earnings weren’t great, and again I didn’t have enough money. Credit + rent, and for life. And so it’s just a vicious circle, refinancing, distributing debts again, I spent the rest on myself and didn’t refuse anything. Then I didn’t understand that I was taking someone else’s, but would have to give away my own. So I found myself trapped. This also explains a lot. So I got a debt of about 1,000,000 rubles, other credit cards and consumer loans. I worked two jobs, seven days a week, to pay for everything. She lived only at home and worked, and only came to spend the night. Constant stress and nerves, closer to payments, since there is no stability in trading and you don’t know how much you can earn. I found a way out and filed for bankruptcy. I was also hit by a period when I couldn’t get a job for 4 months. I found a job in a store with Gestapo conditions, but it paid quite decently. Constant humiliation and insults not only directed at me and the entire team. Your nerves are on edge, every time you go to work it’s like it’s your last. I endured and worked because I had to. I live alone, but just with a dog, in another city. My only relatives are my mother, not counting my aunt, uncle, cousin and sister. My mother raised me alone. When I was 3 years old, she and my father divorced, I never saw him. I recently found out that he died back in 2008. Mom was having a hard time with the divorce, and often took it out on me. I had a difficult relationship with my mother. She constantly bullied me. I was afraid of her, even when I was 3 at school, I threw tantrums at the teachers and didn’t want to go home. Because I got hit for it. Mom is dependent on other people's opinions. She always wanted me to be better than others, and if something didn’t work out for me, she called me the last words. All my life I have been bullied for being chubby. “With the words, eat, eat, you’ll be even fatter, you cow, your cheeks are getting on your nose. It’s all overgrown with lard and so on,” in front of her I was even afraid to eat a piece of bread more. And as soon as I heard an offensive word, I immediately burst into tears. In the 8th grade, I left her to live with my aunt, under the pretext of circumstances. It was good and comfortable with her, she understood me, the complete opposite of my mother. I graduated from school and moved away. I didn’t tell anyone about my problems, thanks to my mother, inspired by her. All in itself and by itself. I didn’t want her to oppress me even more for my mistakes in another city. Because of this, I caught myself thinking that I was very dependent on her opinion. What will mom say and what will she think? As for friends, there were more leisure time friends. Now I hardly communicate with anyone. I have 2 close friends from college, they live in different cities, we rarely see each other. When I left home, I began to eat what I wanted and how much I wanted. As a result, I gained a lot of weight. I once expressed my weight to my mother in hysterics, my sadness in this spirit. She doesn’t seem to humiliate me anymore, but I see her staring at my folds!) when she comes to me. There are a lot of children's grievances. But I love her. And without her, even though I have her, I can’t. Personal life ended at school. During my 1st year at the institute, I had a big crush, which was difficult to cope with. Since then there have been no relationships. Just yesterday I left an unbearable job. Stayed for the second, also trading. Yesterday at work, I realized that I hate both this job and the customers. And trading is not my thing at all. I can’t do anything else and haven’t worked, and I don’t even know who I want to be and work. But I definitely don’t want such a life. Life passes, nothing changes, but you want to live. There is still a debt of about 200,000 left. There is no work in the city, only catering and trade. My condition has already lasted for 5 years, and each time it gets worse and worse. I began to notice that I began to drink from a bottle of wine. 2 - 3 times a month. I found solace too. Thank you if you can help me with this pun.

Oh, I forgot to say. Mom was always depressed and always saw everything in a black light. In January of this year, she was diagnosed with cancer. Of course, everything else added to these experiences. She changed, became calmer, more cheerful, more optimistic, and began to look at many things from a different perspective. But she also remained dependent on the opinions of her neighbors. Now she also began to poison me because I am not married and have no children. At work all the time, the same thing, it’s time for you to get married and have children. I already feel inferior. I stopped enjoying life a long time ago. There are gaps, but not for long.

Tatiana29

Hello! Thank you for your detailed answer to my questions. Thank you for trusting me!
I am very sorry that you had to go through such difficulties and practically get out. Well done! This situation has definitely made you stronger!
It’s good that you asked for help, we will try to figure it out together with you.

I worked for a month in a store, didn’t get paid, and had debts because I had to pay for rented housing and so on. I took out a loan, paid off all my debts, got another job, again in trade, I had little experience, my earnings weren’t great, and again I didn’t have enough money. Credit + rent, and for life. And so it’s just a vicious circle, refinancing, distributing debts again, I spent the rest on myself and didn’t refuse anything. Then I didn’t understand that I was taking someone else’s, but would have to give away my own. So I found myself trapped. This also explains a lot. So I got a debt of about 1,000,000 rubles, other credit cards and consumer loans. I worked two jobs, seven days a week, to pay for everything. She lived only at home and worked, and only came to spend the night. Constant stress and nerves, closer to payments, since there is no stability in trading and you don’t know how much you can earn. I found a way out and filed for bankruptcy. I was also hit by a period when I couldn’t get a job for 4 months. I found a job in a store with Gestapo conditions, but it paid quite decently. Constant humiliation and insults not only directed at me and the entire team. Your nerves are on edge, every time you go to work it’s like it’s your last. I endured and worked because I had to.
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I had a difficult relationship with my mother. She constantly bullied me. I was afraid of her, even when I was 3 at school, I threw tantrums at the teachers and didn’t want to go home. Because I got hit for it. Mom is dependent on other people's opinions. She always wanted me to be better than others, and if something didn’t work out for me, she called me the last words. All my life I have been bullied for being chubby. “With the words, eat, eat, you’ll be even fatter, you cow, your cheeks are getting on your nose. It’s all overgrown with lard and so on,” in front of her I was even afraid to eat a piece of bread more.
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Does your aunt have children of her own?

In the 8th grade, I left her to live with my aunt, under the pretext of circumstances. It was good and comfortable with her, she understood me, the complete opposite of my mother. I graduated from school and moved away. I didn’t tell anyone about my problems, thanks to my mother, inspired by her
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Please tell us more details. Was it mutual? Have you met? And then why was there no relationship? Didn't like anyone?
I think it's like hard labor, doing something you hate. But now we need to see this as an incentive for change. Please tell me what you dreamed of as a teenager? What kind of life did you imagine?
You have the power to change everything!

Yesterday at work, I realized that I hate both this job and the customers. And trading is not my thing at all. I can’t do anything else and haven’t worked, and I don’t even know who I want to be and work. But I definitely don’t want such a life. Life passes, nothing changes, but you want to live.
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Please, please quote my Messages when replying. Thank you. This will make my job easier.

It’s hard when you have such a difficult relationship with your dearest person.
And what was Her dependence on other people’s opinions? Did she compare you with someone?
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How did it manifest itself, hmm.. Yes, more probably, she was afraid of what people would think of her. Neighbors, girlfriends, colleagues. This still remains in her, although it manifests itself noticeably less. Loves when people praise and admire. Often exaggerates some stories. Compare, probably yes, I did. Here's Lenka, so and so, she's achieved so much, and you're like a mash of mash and so on.

How did your relationship with your mother develop after you left?
Does your aunt have children of her own?
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She mainly raised me over the phone or when she came to her aunt. Aunt shielded me in many ways. Auntie does not like scandals and is very flexible. She tried to avoid them. Mom could come and make a scandal, because in the morning I woke up and my head was not “fresh”, like my hair was like icicles. When my mother realized that I was not going back home, she tried in every possible way to drag me home. And for good, and scandals, and hysterics. Then she resigned herself. My aunt has 2 children, at that time I was 14, my brother was 11, my sister was 2 years old. I enjoyed my time with the latter. I was hanging out not with my peers, but with my little one. In the morning with her, after school with her. In kindergarten, after kindergarten, put them to bed, feed them, play, etc.

It was over, so quickly, before it even began. There was no relationship as such. I suffered for 4 years. She didn't look at anyone. She drank and ate. Got fat. I started nagging myself about who I had turned into. A lot of complexes. Nobody will even look at me. The social circle is female only. From a handsome male greeting, I was embarrassed and stuttered. I caught myself thinking that I don’t know how to behave with men. And she began to avoid them even more. I tried to meet people on the Internet, came to meetings, and after these meetings I was terribly depressed. Only ghouls came. Again I spread rot on myself, but nothing shines for me except people like that. A female team at work.
There were times when they said, you’re fine, just be smaller. These are the cockroaches I live with.

I don’t remember what I wanted or dreamed so much. I just lived one day at a time. I imagined that I would grow up and work in a large company as an office employee. I will earn money and help my mother. And when I was very little, I told my mother that I would be president!) I just don’t know what kind!)) probably Chinese clothes!) sorry for the dark humor!))

Tatiana29

Hello!
I am very sorry that your upbringing happened this way and you had to live with your aunt to avoid unpleasant contact with your mother.

She mainly raised me over the phone or when she came to her aunt. Aunt shielded me in many ways. Auntie does not like scandals and is very flexible. She tried to avoid them. Mom could come and make a scandal, because in the morning I woke up and my head was not “fresh”, like my hair was like icicles. When my mother realized that I was not going back home, she tried in every possible way to drag me home. And for good, and scandals, and hysterics. Then I resigned myself
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Please tell me, why was there depression? - Because you didn’t like the men you met? Or was it not mutual? And before the dates, you communicated on the Internet, how then did only ghouls come (as you called them)? That is, as I understand it, in real life you met with those whom you liked through correspondence, right? Or were your expectations simply not met? Please explain.
How do you manage to stay in shape now? (diet, sports) Are you doing anything for this?
Are you now continuing to meet men on the same dating sites?
How do you think you look in the eyes of other men?

I tried to meet people on the Internet, came to meetings, and after these meetings I was terribly depressed.
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Okay, I understand you. Did you have any interests and hobbies that you liked to do when you were a teenager?
How much more work do you need to do to pay off the loan in full?

I don’t remember what I wanted or dreamed so much. I just lived one day at a time. I imagined that I would grow up and work in a large company as an office employee. I will earn money and help my mother. And when I was very little, I told my mother that I would be president!)
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I tried to lose weight. I lost 15 kg and gained weight again. I can’t pull myself together again, because of my nerves and stress, I eat tons of sweets. I have not accepted sports since childhood. I didn’t go to clubs or sections anywhere. Hobby: cross stitch.

Tatiana29

Thanks for sharing this with me.
As I understand it, the experience was negative.
Would you like to start a family?

I'm not looking for anyone or getting to know anyone. I just told you about my experience.
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It seems to me that you should find another way to deal with stress.
If not sports, then some kind of physical activity: yoga, dancing, etc.
How did you manage to lose 15 kg?
Do you have friends with whom you spend your leisure time?

I tried to lose weight. I lost 15 kg and gained weight again. I can’t pull myself together again, because of my nerves and stress, I eat tons of sweets. I have not accepted sports since childhood. I didn’t go to clubs or sections anywhere. Hobby: cross stitch.
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I really want to start a family!)) dancing, yoga, no money for that! I lost weight by eating right. This is also expensive for me. I had money, I followed everything, but now I don’t, so I eat what I can.

I already wrote about my friends, with whom I spent my leisure time, I lost them all because I didn’t go anywhere, and I kept refusing for lack of money. They don’t call me anywhere else, and I don’t know how they live. Contact has been lost, some have family, some have what. There are 2 friends who are in other cities. We gather rarely, but from the heart!!

Tatiana29

Hello! Sorry that you had to wait a long time for my response.
Now, as I understand, you are not looking for anyone, you are not meeting anyone (as you wrote above), but you want to start a family. Please tell me, what do you think might be necessary to change something in this case? For example, start meeting men again?
What kind of man would you like to see next to you?

I really want to start a family!))
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I understand that it is very difficult for you now, also because of financial problems. But now, using the Internet, you can do all this at home by turning on videos on YouTube. What do you think?

dancing, yoga, no money for that!
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What do you think, what if you just limit yourself to sweets?

This is also expensive for me. I had money, I followed everything, but now I don’t, so I eat what I can.
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It’s a pity that you don’t have friendly communication now. If you can't get your old friends back, you can find new ones. What do you think?

I already wrote about my friends, with whom I spent my leisure time, I lost them all because I didn’t go anywhere, and I kept refusing for lack of money. They don’t call me anywhere else, and I don’t know how they live. Contact has been lost, some have family, some have what. There are 2 friends who are in other cities. We gather rarely, but from the heart!!
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I know and understand all this, but I can’t force myself, motivate myself, or whatever else you can call it. Getting acquainted, I don’t get acquainted, because I have a lot of complexes, I already wrote earlier. That I heard a lot from the opposite sex that I was fat and not interesting, and there was nothing to talk to me about. Home work, I’m deteriorating. That’s why I live without paying attention to anyone, because I know that no one pays attention to me. That's why I ask you for help to get out of this vicious circle!! I already said, I don’t know how to communicate with men!! How will I meet them and where!?? If I don't go anywhere, where can I look for friends!??

Tatiana29

Hello!
After reading your message, it seemed to me that you were very annoyed. I am trying to understand you and help you.
If you know that you are overweight and there is nothing to talk to you about, then why aren’t you doing anything? And what could they theoretically do?
I can’t force you to lose weight and become interesting; psychological help is powerless if you don’t want it yourself.
You want a family, isn't this enough reason to pull yourself together?
What exactly is stopping you?
What other complexes do you have, besides the fact that you are overweight and have problems with communication?

Getting acquainted, I don’t get acquainted, because I have a lot of complexes, I already wrote earlier. That I heard a lot from the opposite sex that I was fat and not interesting, and there was nothing to talk to me about.
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Have you ever thought that by not paying attention to others, you are thereby showing them that you are indifferent to them and eliminating the chances of getting to know you? A person is more likely to meet someone who is friendly and welcoming.

That’s why I live without paying attention to anyone, because I know that no one pays attention to me.
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It seems to me that you need to change your “I don’t know how”, “I can’t” to “I want to learn and change”.

I already said, I don’t know how to communicate with men!! How will I meet them and where!?? If I don't go anywhere, where can I look for friends!??
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Yes, you correctly noticed irritation, but in no case is it caused by you. I'm annoyed with myself because I know all this, but I don't know where to start and how to start changing. If you go on a diet, turn on sports, and still communicate, except for senile buyers, then the cuckoo will fly. I work every day from 10 to 20. I basically come home to spend the night. Wash, cook food, etc. Where to start changing then!?? I’m very tired because I’m on my feet all day, and there’s constant chatting with customers for 2 hours in fittings. Oh yes, probably my direction in trade still prevents me from losing weight, I dress overweight women, and in every possible way convince them how beautiful and wonderful they are. And it turns out that I also calm myself down with this! Something like that!

Tatiana29

Hello!
Do you think there is anything good about your work? There is a very good saying: “If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it” (I’m talking about work) Do you have weekends?
Yes, I think you are right when you say that if you turn everything on at once, it will be quite difficult.
We need to prioritize. It seemed to me that you really want a family, but there is no one to start it with, which means you need to find a man. The main reasons were excess weight and your inability to communicate.
I take the position that you need to love yourself for who you are, but if there is something to improve, then you need to work on it. Do you love yourself?
Please write down your good qualities. Minimum 10.

Maybe start changing with your figure? And what if we start not with sudden changes, but with gradual ones? Should I not go on a diet, but just limit myself to sweets first?
You are very angry with yourself and scold. But it’s really hard for you and you’re coping just fine! Just don't close yourself off from the outside world.
You wrote that you don’t pay attention to others because you think that they won’t be interested in you. Pay attention to this statement! If you yourself don’t pay attention to anyone, then you definitely won’t be able to help win over anyone! It seems to me that you should continue communicating with men on dating sites. Maybe you had a bad experience, but it is better if you continue communication than if you do nothing at all in this direction. What do you think?
And why do you consider yourself uninteresting? And what kind of person do you think is interesting?

Hello, you know, I tried many times to find advantages in work, and you know, it worked literally for a couple of shifts. Then back to work as if it were hard labor. Now I have left my second job, which is very difficult for me psychologically and physically. I stayed at a calmer job, but again I catch myself thinking that I am constantly nervous and irritated at this job, because I am drawn to my previous one and the income here is not stable. Lack of money drives me crazy. Now I have days off, I haven’t worked at a second job since June 11, and I haven’t yet realized that I have days off and how to use them wisely. I'm just relaxing at home, I have a lot of things to do. As for loving yourself, you correctly noted that I don’t love myself. I am very critical of myself and constantly scold. Didn't live up to anyone's expectations. And my education is not that good and I don’t know how to do anything, and I have no kneading of kneading and personal life, and in general I’m a mistake of nature, that’s how it is with me, what is what is. Regarding the 10 good qualities, you have me stumped. I have good qualities and I know it, many friends, colleagues, and relatives say so. But it’s difficult for me to take them and crumple them into 10 points now. I’ll leave it as homework and try to write it later. I’m making progress, I started eating right, this is how I managed to lose excess weight earlier. I will try to get out of my shell. Regarding the fact that I said that I am not interesting, this is probably just my twists. I just caught myself thinking about how I communicate with my friends when we call each other, I constantly complain, this is me, it’s not like that, it’s not like that. At work, someone talks about families, who went somewhere, went, but I only talk about my idea to lose weight. Something like that. I'm not ready to meet men yet. I’m disappointed in the world of online dating; there are only obscene proposals and moral monstrosities that people just post. And you know, she herself has a lot of demands on men, but she herself is nothing of the sort. Therefore, I will get rid of my cockroaches. As practice shows, not everyone who is slim is lucky in their personal life.

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I understand that it is difficult for you to voice something good when you criticize yourself so much and notice only the bad things about yourself. (Although there is good, you know that)

I’ll leave it as homework and try to write it later.
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I am very glad that you pulled yourself together. How do you manage this?

I’m making progress, I started eating right, this is how I managed to lose excess weight earlier.
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Yes, now, as I understand it, you have only 2 relevant areas: work and losing weight, so you and this is relevant to you. Therefore, you need to try to develop other areas. Yes, I remember you said that the problem is time and money. But you can find some alternative options (more budget-friendly). Now you have a weekend, perhaps you can do dancing or yoga, you will meet friends with similar interests. The main thing is your desire, the opportunity can be found!
And one more thing, try keeping a mini-diary and writing down the good things that happened during the day. After all, something good is happening! It may be a small thing, but try to write it down. For example, if you haven’t eaten anything sweet in a day, write it down in your diary, etc.

Regarding the fact that I said that I am not interesting, this is probably just my twists. I just caught myself thinking about how I communicate with my friends when we call each other, I constantly complain, this is me, it’s not like that, it’s not like that. At work, someone talks about families, who went somewhere, went, but I only talk about my idea to lose weight.
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I think you are right about the requirements. Maybe you should reconsider your requirements. If you’re not ready, then I don’t think it’s necessary, you still have something to work on.

I'm not ready to meet men yet. I’m disappointed in the world of online dating; there are only obscene proposals and moral monstrosities that people just post. And you know, she herself has a lot of demands on men, but she herself is nothing of the sort. Therefore, I will get rid of my cockroaches. As practice shows, not everyone who is slim is lucky in their personal life.
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Remember! When a situation is new to you, you should wait and analyze it, weigh the pros and cons, and find a new solution that is different from what you once made in the past.

If the situation is similar, it does not mean that experience will help you out, it means that you need to act in accordance with what kind of person is in front of you.

After all, quite often after an unsuccessful relationship it can be difficult for us to succumb to feelings again and open up to new love. It seems to us that the next relationship could end in the same way; he is afraid of repeating the negative experience and thereby does not allow such a feeling as .

At a psychological consultation via Skype, you will not receive advice on how to get rid of past experiences and build relationships anew. No, rather, on the contrary, the psychologist will teach you from any relationship (that you have ever had) to extract resources that you will use when entering into a new relationship, even if they are friendly. There is a belief that every event in life teaches us something, and it is very important to accept such lessons with gratitude.

Think about what your past relationships taught you, what good and useful things you can learn from them, how can this help you in the future?
What did you teach your partner?
Did this relationship teach other people anything?
Did this relationship end prematurely or not?
What could have caused such a “breakdown” in the relationship?
Have you tried to “fix” them somehow?
What result did this lead to?

This will allow you to take a fresh look at your past and understand that it has already played its role, preparing you for something more meaningful and important, which means it’s time to say goodbye to it. Now you are at another, higher level, and the new relationship will also be more perfect and mature.

Personal qualities of a psychologist

Reason #2.
Remember 10 expressions your mother, grandmother or father said about relationships.

Do you recognize something of your own in them? If yes, then the second reason for failure in your personal life is the family concepts that you somehow learned and now apply in your relationship. Do you think an old cell phone will receive Internet communications? No. And it doesn’t have the same features that new cell phones have. It’s the same in relationships. As long as you build your relationships the way your parents are used to building them (and these are past relationships), your relationship will be similar to your mother’s or grandmother’s. I think you won't want this.

Here it is worth understanding that if you require special attention and understanding, then the other person deserves it too.

And you most likely need to change your attitude towards the opposite sex, get rid of imposed stereotypes and start living your own life and building your own relationships. Psychological assistance via Skype can contribute to this. After all, it can be difficult to find out what stereotypes you use in relationships, because most of them are unconscious.

Reason #3.
Are you satisfied with yourself?
Tell yourself honestly: do you have complexes and internal anxiety that you are not as good as you would like?
Do you call yourself a loser when you get dumped or do you like someone who doesn't pay attention to you?
Do you think about yourself that no one needs you?

If you answered yes to at least two questions, then understand one thing for yourself: while you are biting and scolding yourself, you are a weak person and dependent on others. One way or another, you will like people who are stronger, more self-sufficient than you. But such people need even stronger people. Therefore, do everything possible to become the same, in order to attract the same mature, self-sufficient people without neuroticism. It’s difficult, it’s a search for yourself, it’s creative work and the ability to open at least one door to your “I”. Therefore, a psychologist can help you on your initial journey. The job of a psychologist will be to teach you to love yourself for who you are.

Personal website of a psychologist

How is this article different from other articles about failures in your personal life? Because no one here forces you to believe that you yourself can deal with your own problems. We offer you only to push you towards self-development, and then you are on your own...

Remember that it is very difficult to change the course of your own thoughts, especially in 2-3 hours. If you really want to, this can be done no earlier than two years in advance. You can go through this path faster with a psychologist via Skype. Nobody gets a new way of thinking just like that, it’s work on oneself, it’s hysterics and repeated thoughts that everything is useless. You can go through this alone and get stuck at this stage. If you go through it with a psychologist, everything will be much easier.
Start your journey to understanding yourself right now.

Unsettledness personal life, bad luck in love, loneliness– these are problems that, unfortunately, occur quite often today. Initially, perhaps every person dreams of love, only this same love comes to someone and remains for life, while someone continues to live in anticipation year after year, or even worse - they despair and no longer wait. What? Who is to blame for this, and most importantly, what to do?

Any psychologist will tell you that reason for bad luck in love hides in the most “unlucky” person. And that's great! After all, this means that a person can eliminate the cause of his loneliness and instead create a new life for yourself, in which there will be love and happiness. Sometimes this requires the help of a professional psychologist, but often we can deal with many problems on our own. Let's look at some of the most common causes of loneliness and possible steps to take. attracting love into your life.

Possible reasonsA:having bad experiences in the past
Quite often, after an unsuccessful relationship, it is difficult for a person to succumb to feelings again and open up to new love. It seems to him that the next relationship can end in exactly the same way, he is afraid of repeating the negative experience and thereby does not allow such a feeling as Love.

What are they doing b: learn from past experiences and let go of your past. How can you find something useful in a negative experience? Very simple. Remember the words of Nietzsche: everything that does not kill us makes us stronger. And this means that from any relationship there is a lesson to be learned that will undoubtedly prove useful. Every event in life teaches us something, and it is very important to accept such lessons with gratitude. Think about why past relationships taught you, what can you learn from them that is good and useful for yourself, how can it help you in the future? This will allow you to take a fresh look at your past and understand that it has already played its role, preparing you for something more meaningful and important, which means it’s time to say goodbye to it. Now you are on another, higher level, and new relationship will also be more perfect and mature.

Possible reason: stereotypes formed in childhood
In some cases, people build their relationships following the example of their parents. More often, such stereotypes are laid down in women. So, if a mother, having become completely disillusioned with men, instilled her own views in her daughter, then with a high probability the daughter will have problems in personal life.

What to do: understand that each person is individual and should think independently, and not at the suggestion of their parents. If you notice that your life is similar to the life of your parents, that you are repeating their unsuccessful experiences, then it’s time to stop and think about why this is happening. Most likely, you need to change your attitude towards the opposite sex, get rid of imposed stereotypes and start living YOUR life and build OWN relationships.

Possible reason: complexes, dissatisfaction with oneself
If a person considers himself a loser, useless to anyone, if he thinks that no one will love him, then so it will be. Someone is not satisfied with their own figure, someone is dissatisfied with their appearance; there can be many complexes and reasons for dissatisfaction. And they all interfere with construction personal life.

What to do: love yourself. Need to love yourself just the way you are. With all the shortcomings and dignitymi, of which, by the way, there are much more. Love your figure, your appearance, your way of speaking, love your character. It’s not for nothing that the commandments say: love your neighbor as yourself. We must love and appreciate yourself, otherwise how can we love our neighbors if we cannot love ourselves? By accepting and loving yourself, you will become much more confident, you will be more you won't subconsciously send a signal to people that you are unworthy of love, now a completely different message will come from you: I will gladly I give love and with joy I accept her into my life. Love yourself and you will see that people's attitude towards you will magically change.

There is nothing complicated in the listed techniques; it is enough to just relax and think about the current situation in a calm atmosphere, find reasons for loneliness, reasons for failure in personal life and then begin to act in such a way that change the usual train of thought. A new way of thinking will allow you attract love and make your life much brighter, more interesting and happier. Your happiness depends on you, on your thoughts. Remember, only you can allow love to appear in your life!

Women with an unsettled personal life. What is the reason for failures in your personal life? Unsettled personal life, bad luck in love, loneliness - such problems are solved in psychological consultation via Skype

Personal qualities of a psychologist

Personal website of a psychologist