What is psychological maturity. Psychological maturity

What is human maturity

Maturity is the most crucial period of a person’s life, because in maturity the path of life is determined, creative powers begin to blossom, and the manifestation of that active attitude towards life is observed, as a result of which the material and spiritual values of society are created. The period of maturity differs from the previous, youthful period in that general somatic development ends in it and physical and sexual maturation reaches its optimum. This period is the years of intellectual achievement.

In V. I. Dahl’s Explanatory Dictionary, maturity is interpreted as “the state of being mature, ripeness; maturity, state, degree of prudence”, and mature – as “ripened, ripe; mature, full-year-old, adult; deliberate, judicious, rash."

The Dictionary of the Russian Language by S. I. Ozhegov gives the following meanings of the word “maturity”: “1) the state of an organism that has reached full development; mature age; 2) trans.: high degree of development, perfection; maturity of thought." There we also find the meaning of the adjective “ripe”: “ripe, ripe; has reached full development; mature; characteristic of a person who has reached full development (about age, time of life); fully developed; having achieved experience, mastery; carefully weighed, considered; indicating experience and skill.”

A mature individual (organism) is one in which development is complete; immature is the one in whom it is not completed: a child is immature, an adult is mature.

In Russian, an adult is defined as having reached full bodily development, full-year-old, mature, having reached full maturity, mature age. We find a similar division “mature - adult” in Latin, German, English and French.

What kind of person can be considered not only physiologically, socially and legally, but also psychologically an adult? When trying to comprehend adulthood, psychological criteria are rapidly subjectified, since the central point of experiencing oneself as an adult for a person is precisely one’s own attitude towards age, classifying oneself as a certain age cohort (for which the presence of a family and experience of parenthood is very important). The concept of an adult (mature) personality is a relatively new acquisition of psychology. The concept of adulthood (maturity) is primarily correlated with the study of a person’s existential attitude to his own life: not so much to himself, to his Self, but to the broader context of his fulfillment of life, possibilities influence the world and change it, inserting oneself into multidimensional sociocultural experience, into the universe, into space.

It is customary to associate such new personal characteristics with adulthood as: 1) the ability to take responsibility and make decisions; 2) desire for power and organizational skills; 3) the ability to provide emotional and intellectual support to others; 4) self-confidence and determination; 5) a penchant for philosophical generalizations; 6) protection of the system of one’s own principles and life values; the ability to resist the problems of reality with the help of developed will; 7) formation of an individual life style; 8) the desire to influence the world and “give” individual experience to the younger generation; 9) realism, rationalism, sobriety in assessments and a sense of “done” life; 10) stabilization of the system of social roles, etc. Due to these new acquisitions, most adults gain stability in life and self-confidence by the middle of the period - 40 years.

E. Sapogova, 2001.

Heterochronicity of maturity is an essential characteristic in the individual development of a person: physical maturity, mental, civic, etc. do not coincide in time. These difficulties have led to the fact that in modern psychological literature the concept of “maturity” is quite often replaced by the concept of “adulthood,” which seemed would allow us to avoid many difficulties.

According to B. G. Ananyev, significant difficulties in identifying criteria for maturity and personality development in this age period lead to the replacement of this concept with the term “adulthood”, however, even at the level of the individual, the concepts of “maturity” and “adulthood” are not completely synonymous, even more they diverge when it comes to the subject of an activity or a person (B. G. Ananyev, 2002).

E. I. Stepanova believes that “maturity” is synonymous with the concept of “adulthood” - this is a stage of personality development, which represents the development of a person as an individual, personality, subject of activity and individuality (E. I. Stepanova, 2000).

The word “adult” is indeed close in meaning to the word “mature.” However, it refers to a greater extent specifically to a person’s age, while “maturity” refers to a characteristic, an assessment of his development. Therefore, becoming an adult does not mean reaching maturity. Maturity comes not with age, but with accepting responsibility. Provided that a person learns to realize his life plans and prospects, when he moves from self-determination to self-realization, only then can we say about him that he is a mature person. Among the most important areas of personal self-realization are the following: professional, family and household relations, sexual relationships, communication, raising children, self-development and self-improvement.

G. S. Sukhobskaya (2002) writes that the concept of “personal maturity” is currently widely used in psychology and other sciences, but is defined differently. There is the concept of “maturity of a person’s mental development” (B. G. Ananyev). In acmeology, maturity is understood as a stage of human development when he reaches the heights of his creativity.

We can distinguish different types of maturity: chronological, physiological, personal, social, intellectual, professional. And the most important of them is personal maturity, since it is it that integrates all aspects of maturity into a single system. A person achieves personal maturity through the process of personal growth.

Adulthood, completion of growth, state of full functioning; end of the maturation process. This term is widely used usually with adjectives defining the type of maturity; for example, puberty, intellectual maturity, emotional maturity, etc. Note that while some of these combinations are quite easy to identify - such as puberty, for example - most of them are difficult to determine. They are typically value judgments about people that reflect how well they conform to socially and culturally accepted norms. What is considered emotionally immature in one society may very well be an aspect of emotional maturity in another.

Maturity

this is a transition from relying on others to relying on oneself" [Perls (18), p. 31]. Maturity is associated with the ability to overcome frustration (see) and mobilize one's own resources to satisfy one's real needs. Literature:

MATURITY

adulthood), the state to which the organism comes at the end of the development period. The longest period of ontogenesis, characterized by a tendency to achieve the highest development of the spiritual, intellectual and physical abilities of the individual. The chronological framework of the period of maturity is quite arbitrary and is determined by the end of adolescence and the beginning of the period of aging. There are attempts to divide maturity into stages: youth, blossoming, maturity itself, etc. In psychology, the study of maturity is represented by studies of the dynamics of intellectual and creative abilities, changes in leading motives and interests, and the search for patterns of personality development. The psychological aspects of such events of adulthood as marriage and divorce, problems of family relationships, and parental functions are studied. Researchers identify the following characteristics of a mature personality:

1) developed sense of responsibility;

2) the need to care about other people;

3) abilities: a) to actively participate in the life of society and to effectively use their knowledge and abilities; b) to psychological intimacy with another person; c) to constructive solutions to various life problems on the path to full self-realization. The development of a person in the period of maturity is directly related to his active inclusion in the sphere of social production. The inability to successfully engage in it leads to personal stagnation and stagnation.

MATURITY (ADULTURITY)

the longest period of ontogenesis, characterized by a tendency to achieve the highest development of the spiritual, intellectual and physical abilities of the human person. The chronological framework of the period of maturity is quite arbitrary and is determined by the moment of the end of youth and the beginning of the period of aging.

Maturity (adulthood)

the longest period of ontogenesis, characterized by the completion of the formation of the cognitive sphere of the individual, relative stability of attitude towards the social environment, active labor (professional) activity, and the ability to independently ensure material well-being for oneself and one’s loved ones. An adult has the right to elect and be elected to legislative and other elective bodies and more or less consciously uses this right. Human development in period 3. is directly related to his active inclusion in the sphere of social production. The inability to successfully integrate into the productive life of society leads to personal stagnation, stagnation, and, under certain circumstances, to antisocial behavior, including crime. The chronological framework of period 3. is quite arbitrary and is determined by the moment of the end of youth and the beginning of the period of aging. There are attempts to divide 3. into separate stages (youth, blossoming, maturity itself, etc.). In psychology, the study of 3. is represented by studies of the dynamics of intellectual and creative abilities, changes in leading motives and interests, and the search for patterns of personality development. The psychological aspects of such events of adulthood as marriage and divorce, problems of family relationships, and parental functions are studied. Compared to other age periods, there is a shortage of psychological research 3. The attempt of representatives of acmeology to see only in 3. the period of rise of a person’s spiritual and creative powers is not adequately justified (although this does not exclude the recognition that in a significant number of cases the flourishing of personality person falls precisely on period 3.). G. V. Burmenskaya

Maturity

In Gtherapy, the state of optimal health is called personality maturity. In Gtherapy we are, naturally, talking about emotional maturity. A situation in which an individual cannot rely on others and at the same time on himself is a dead end (empass). Maturity in a healthy person is achieved through risk, so that, carefully removing “skin by skin your blocks, like peeling an onion, you reach maturity.” Achieving maturity in a neurotic person is possible through liberation from neurotic mechanisms of disruption of contacts with the external environment.

Maturity (adulthood)

The longest period of ontogenesis, characterized by the achievement of the highest development of the spiritual, intellectual and physical capabilities of the human person. Z.'s chronological framework is quite arbitrary and covers the period from maturity to old age. In various countries, the retirement age is most often the basis for identifying the upper limit of the pension, so in Russia it is considered to be from 21 to 55 years for women (1st period up to 35 years) and from 22 to 60 years for men (1 -th period up to 40 years).

Psychological maturity is a multidimensional concept that currently does not have a single established definition. Psychological maturity of a person is a special state of mental processes and worldview that allows a person to be a self-realizing individual. This includes the ability to establish productive social contacts and adequately perceive reality and the people around them. In addition, the psychological maturity of an individual is based on independence in meeting basic necessary needs, as well as responsibility for one’s life and actions.

All activities of a psychologically mature individual are aimed at realizing their own emotional skills, while respecting social norms, rights and personal boundaries of other people. This is a certain skill that allows you to achieve success, both in your personal life and in your professional life. The priority tasks for such a person are the tasks of growth, development, advancement; there is a rich supply of life experience and, which allows for communication at almost any level.

What is socio-psychological maturity

Personal maturity is not acquired and does not depend on passport age. It is rather a psychological age, which can be completely different among peers. Thus, a person who has gone through many different situations, learned to overcome them and is independently responsible for his own choices is more mature psychologically than someone who has lived all this time in the same conditions with a minimum level of responsibility. Some people have the feeling that the more serious a person is and the more loaded with various important tasks, the higher his level of maturity. It is important to understand your own capabilities and desires, to sensitively follow your inner voice, which includes not only intuition, but also reason.

Psychological maturity gives a feeling of smoothness and increases flexibility - no rule, once established, is unshakable. A person understands that he, the surrounding reality and needs are changing, and accordingly the methods of interaction must change.

There is a lot of naturalness in the actions of a mature person; he will not hide his tears by force of will when he is very sad and will not keep a serious face when it is funny. Such freedom is born from complete acceptance of oneself, deep knowledge of one’s psychological characteristics and low exposure. Social stereotypes have virtually no power over such people, since in choosing a path and their own reactions they are guided by internal sensations and their own needs.

Acceptance of oneself and the world with its laws, death, suffering and shortcomings of people allows one to be in greater peace and not try to change what has existed for millennia. Resources are spent on what is necessary and beneficial: on one’s own development and activities that bring results. Such people end up living a more fulfilling life and accept death quite calmly, unlike those who constantly play hide and seek with it, never having accomplished anything worthwhile.

Psychologically mature people stand out from the crowd not only by their behavioral reactions, but also by their appearance; usually their image is quite extravagant, since there is no desire to support general trends. They also have no complaints about boredom or desire to kill time - they are full of keen interest in the world and life, often gambling, and the only thing they can regret is the limitations of their physical embodiment.

A person’s psychological maturity can manifest itself and be formed exclusively in the conditions of the social environment. Accordingly, on the path of growing up, a person goes through the necessary stages and processes of personality maturation. This is a kind of harmonious combination, including physical maturity and psychological age. There are special necessary psychological manifestations at each age interval, indicating the harmony of the development process; when stuck at one of the stages, personal maturation is inhibited and present.

Many psychologists define personal maturity through the existential process of finding the meaning of one’s own existence and accepting responsibility in exercising the freedom of one’s choice. In addition to such deep and serious categories, there are measurable external signs of psychological maturity. This first of all includes a person’s interest not only in individual needs, his own existence and body, but also in the affairs of others. Such a person will take care of his family, help friends, and participate in processes that shape the social state. Interest is shown not only in the closest limited circle, but in numerous social groups (work collective, government processes, religious traditions, etc.). The ability to evaluate yourself from the outside allows you to establish deep and constructive social relationships that are built on mutual trust, empathy, sincerity, respect, etc.

Socio-psychological maturity allows a person to control and predict his own emotional manifestations. This contributes to the manifestation of tolerance, but not through efforts of will, but through a broad outlook and acceptance of both one’s own internal characteristics and other people. Managing your emotions allows you to express them in a socially acceptable way, indicating your attitude and not hurting the feelings of others.

A mature personality is quite holistic and flexible in its manifestations. That is, she always has a system of values and important goals, the achievement of which will always correspond to the moral and ethical concept of a person. A sense of humor and self-analysis are also acquired during psychological maturation and reflect a high level of mental development.

Social maturity is not identical to the concept of psychological maturity. It reflects exclusively the aspect of social interaction, which takes into account the adequacy, predictability and stability of the individual. This reflects a person’s independence in life, when he does not need physical, material or psychological support from others, with full legal capacity in this matter. This includes the ability to independently solve your everyday problems, to be able to provide your own food and accommodation.

Socio-psychological maturity is directly related to responsibility, both in personal manifestations regarding only oneself, and at the social level, where other individuals are involved. If psychological maturity takes care of the development and realization of the individual’s potential, then social maturity implies directed human behavior that contributes to the development of humanity as a whole.

Even the psychological defense mechanisms of a mature personality are not at a primitive level: among them there will be intellectualization, instead of and.

Signs of psychological maturity

Psychological maturity and psychological age are closely related concepts, but this does not provide an understanding and definition of such a personality. It is most optimal to define categories through signs; depending on the scientific concept, there are from four to fifteen of them. The main features include:

– natural and spontaneous behavior, as well as emotional response. This involves presenting yourself freely and openly, but at the same time respecting accepted social norms. A mature person will express his desires and feelings, but will choose a way to do this so as not to traumatize the mental state of others, observing etiquette and tolerance;

– relative involvement in world processes. A person is aware of major world events and social groups that are important to him, but is independent enough in his judgments not to succumb to propaganda and manipulation. A dose of humor and detachment allows you to not be too emotionally involved in global social processes, which gives you independence;

– there are no mercantile interests and artificial forms of behavior in the relationship. Instead, there is an acceptance of oneself and other people in the state in which they are natural and do not try to transform them into more convenient and profitable options;

– the presence of global goals and meanings and constant work on their implementation. This forces you to improve, develop, constantly move and be busy. Among such goals is usually something that has high spiritual value or practical significance for many people, rather than useful in the present moment;

– the process of achieving goals does not in any way adjust the moral values and aspirations of the individual. Sensitivity to injustice, the inability to betray one’s own ideals, combined with a high level of development, allow one to choose paths of achievement within the framework of one’s moral concept;

– relationships built in a narrow personal circle are usually long-term, deep, and open. In the context of such interaction, there is a joint development of partners and a constant deepening of knowledge of the inner world, both one’s own and that of another;

– and a sense of humor. These manifestations are spontaneous and natural; everyday situations and professional issues are suitable for their manifestation. In addition, such perception concerns one’s own qualities and relationships with others. Allows you to adapt more easily and quickly survive moments of crisis, and find simple and unexpected ways out of difficult situations.

Naturally, this automatically includes all the factors that determine an adult who bears full financial and criminal responsibility. A mature person is capable of bearing responsibility due to any legislative acts and documentary requirements.

Levels of psychological maturity

The level of psychological maturity is largely measured by the degree of its socialization, since the main signs relate specifically to social interaction and personality structure. This includes the breadth of social contacts, which can be at the level of interaction with a specific person, group of people or humanity. The wider the circle with which a person is able to interact, the higher his level of maturity. In addition, the nature of this social interaction is taken into account, which may consist in the appropriation and use of other people's achievements in the process of contact or in conscious reproduction for the purpose of improvement. An important criterion is social competence, which reflects a person’s ability to navigate various communication situations and social norms.

Among the internal characteristics, the level of maturity reflects the amount of warmth shown towards another, combined with sensitivity so that caring does not turn into intrusiveness. Acceptance of yourself and others helps to establish safe relationships, the opportunity to open up and develop. The higher the level of understanding and acceptance of one’s own personality, the higher the ability to form adequate constructive interaction.

A high level of personal maturity consists of a high development of a sense of responsibility and tolerance. The higher the desire for self-development and the more efficiently and quickly it occurs, the higher the level of psychological maturity we can talk about. This is facilitated by positive thinking and an open attitude towards the world. The development and improvement of personality does not stop either after achieving physical autonomy or social independence. This process is endless and includes a huge number of factors that you can constantly work on - from realizing your own goals to accepting the imperfections of the whole world.

Maturity is the longest period in the process of ontogenesis, spanning ages from approximately 25 to 65 years. The concept is often identified with coming of age, but this is far from the same thing. The topic of this article is the psychological maturity of the individual. In it you will get answers to questions about what its main signs are and whether every person is an adult at 30 years old.

Psychological maturity: concept

There is no single approach to defining what it is. The only thing that is indisputable is the statement that we can talk about maturity in the period when a person is at the peak of his intellectual, physical and spiritual abilities. Its maturation occurs gradually and marks the transition:

from subordination to elders in the family - to equality;
from dependence - to independence;
from the simplest set of reactions to external influences - to a diverse behavioral repertoire;
from a carefree life - to awareness of one’s responsibility for events;
from primitive hobbies to more complex interests.

A person’s impulsive actions are replaced by deliberate steps, building a long-term perspective based on previous experience. It is the latter that can force a person to give up immediate achievements in the name of obtaining more serious benefits in the future. What periods of psychological maturity do scientists identify?

Early maturity

Its beginning coincides with the period of adolescence. The authors differ in determining the exact age limits, but the most common point of view is the position of V. Ginzburg. According to him, boys enter a period of psychological maturity from 16 to 24 years old; girls who grow up a little earlier - from 15 to 20 years.

How is this stage characterized? A person is included in all forms; he is endowed with legal and electoral rights, creates a family, realizes himself professionally and learns economic responsibility. Having absorbed information about various social roles, a person begins to apply it to himself.

A. Tolstykh argues that during this period the beginning of the realization of emerging opportunities for self-development occurs. The main problem is often cited as the contradiction between isolation and closeness with others. At this time it is necessary:

find harmony between reality and dreams;
find a mentor;
decide on a career;
build a sphere of intimate and personal communication.

Average maturity

Around the age of 40, a person’s psychological maturity reaches a new level. This is connected with the search for answers to vital questions: about the meaning of existence, the realization of desires.

People are reassessing their values and revising their claims. The ability to rethink the surrounding reality, become interested in new people, influence your future, become a true professional, and realize your creative potential is formed. But this is also the time of doubt. Any person wonders if he has chosen the right path. He is haunted by the fear of decreased performance, and there is a need to choose new goals. A common reason is the difference between desires and reality.

A new level of maturity is associated with the emergence of problems that are often associated with a midlife crisis. Scientists believe that overcoming it is associated with solving the following personal problems:

formation of civil liability;
achieving a certain standard of living;
optimal organization of leisure;
deepening the personal aspect in relationships with loved ones, helping children;
accepting and getting used to your own physiological changes;
supporting aging parents.

Late maturity

The psychological maturity of an individual is associated with retirement, so its age limits are flexible. There are three most important points that allow us to talk about a new, independent stage in the development of the individual:

change of activity;
survival;
preservation of values and the basic content of life.

It is important for a person to overcome the feeling of unnecessary anxiety, emptiness, and excessive self-focus. This is achieved through:

active involvement in social, family and community relationships;
the emergence of tolerance in relationships with other people;
emotional stability;
accepting a real and not a desired picture of the world;
abilities for self-knowledge and the formation of an established system of values.

Scientists note: one of the most important moments of psychological maturity in old age is the correct feeling of one’s age, overcoming the contradictions of a person’s spiritual, biological and psychological capabilities.

About age

All levels of maturity are associated with a personal crisis. F. Perls believes that its main indicator is the ability to find a way out of a deadlock situation, relying on one’s own resources. Maturity allows you to overcome frustration and fear, being able to take risks and make responsible decisions. But J.-M. Robin, for example, who generally shares the opinion of his colleague, believes it is possible to perceive help from the outside. The main indicator of personal immaturity, in his opinion, is helplessness. And finding a way out of a dead end, no matter through personal resources or with the help of others, is an indicator of adulthood.

Psychological age may not coincide at all with calendar age. And at 15 years old there are absolutely mature individuals, and at 30 - people who are not capable of being responsible for their actions and actions. In order to understand, let’s take a closer look at the psychological characteristics of maturity. The authors identify a different number of features; we will focus on the most significant ones, which will be discussed below.

Authenticity

From ancient Greek the word is translated as “genuine” and echoes the concept of “congruence.” We are talking about the adequacy and consistency of the elements. In this context, it is comparable to the word “originality” and is one of the most important indicators of the psychological maturity of an individual.

The phenomenon is described by the American scientist D. Bugental, who includes the following points:

awareness of the present;
freedom of choice here and now;
awareness of one's own responsibility for this choice.

An authentic person is sincere in his immediate manifestations and in his behavior in general. He does not pretend to be knowledgeable, in love or pleased in response to the expectations of others. Many strive to play roles, putting on masks and wasting energy on demonstrating a decent external facade without solving internal problems. In response, they also receive insincerity, making it difficult to decipher the real attitude of other people towards themselves.

An authentic personality spends time solving problems that arise, without hiding behind someone else's mask. She is capable of showing flexibility in any situation.

Acceptance of feelings

It's about being honest with yourself. A mature person is open to life experience and accepts the full range of his own feelings. And not just the socially approved ones. The environment often encourages you to repress sadness, anger, irritability and other negative emotions. From childhood, parents teach: “don’t cry,” “don’t show excitement,” “don’t worry.” But if emotions are constantly repressed, in the future they will become the root cause of uncontrollable behavior in the most unexpected moments.

Psychological maturity implies living through the feelings that arise. Only this method allows us to control our own behavior, to be tolerant not only towards ourselves, but also towards other people. If a person is aware of his reactions, then he is able to competently regulate his responses.

Development of self-knowledge

What else characterizes psychological maturity? The characteristics of this personality include the development of self-knowledge. Because without understanding yourself, it is impossible to effectively build communications with others. This process promotes a realistic attitude towards oneself and a better understanding of others.

A mature person must be aware of what she wants to achieve in life, what is important to her and what is not. She constantly adjusts her values. She should not become a reflection of the hopes of others, but must act guided by her own convictions. This allows you to feel strong in interpersonal contacts.

Resilience to Uncertainty

Many people get lost in situations that lack clarity and lack structure. But a person often has to enter someone else's territory, so he needs confidence in the absence of certainty. We often don't know what problem we'll face or what decisions we'll have to make. Confidence in one’s own intuition, the adequacy of feelings, confidence in the constructiveness of decisions and the ability to take justifiable risks - all this helps a person to endure the tension created by uncertainty. This is also the lot of mature individuals.

Other important signs

Let's talk about psychological maturity. Most scientists classify the following traits as characteristics of maturity:

Personal responsibility for decisions made. It helps you think differently about criticism, seeing it as useful feedback.
Lack of fear when building close relationships. A person himself determines his distance from others, freely expressing his feelings.
Setting realistic goals in communication. It's about giving up perfectionism and taking responsibility for failed relationships. It is more important to learn useful lessons while avoiding feelings of guilt.
Having empathy is the ability to perceive the feelings of other people. Taking them into account in the communication process allows you to build correct communications.

Probably, many have come across a mention of socio-psychological maturity. What are we talking about?

Personality and society

Psychological maturity is a multidimensional concept, one of the aspects of which is interaction with society. It is impossible to live in isolation from his problems and aspirations.

The social aspect is, first of all, a rejection of existing stereotypes. Focusing on one's own needs and feelings, a mature person is less susceptible to manipulation and the influence of the crowd.

But at the same time, a mature individual accepts the world with all its laws, imperfections and even suffering. He does not try to change what has developed over centuries, but spends resources on improvements in microsociety in order to be in harmony with the environment and bring maximum benefit. Evidenced by:

sense of responsibility;
social intelligence, the ability to anticipate changes in social processes;
caring for others;
activity in the life of society;
applying knowledge and skills to benefit others;
overcoming problems on the path to self-realization.

Only the social environment is capable of forming a mature personality.

Levels of psychological maturity

Each person has a different degree of socialization: the number of contacts, the level of interaction, life values on the basis of which communication is based. This allows scientists to distinguish levels of maturity: low, high and medium. The main criteria include external and internal. The first includes the degree of mastery of the social competencies listed in the article.

The latter include traits that characterize personality: empathy, sociability, adequate self-esteem, responsibility, attentiveness, tolerance, etc.

The higher a person’s desire for self-knowledge and self-development, the faster he learns life lessons, developing responsibility and tolerance, the higher the level of maturity he has.

Instead of a conclusion

You can often hear the concept of “psychological school maturity.” What are we talking about? We found out that early adulthood begins at the age of 15-16, when boys and girls study in secondary school. They are distinguished by self-sufficiency, the presence of beliefs and worldview, as well as the formation of those qualities that characterize a mature personality.

♡ Do you want to have a mature man next to you?
♡ How ready are you currently for a mature relationship?
♡ At what level of mental maturity are you?

Many women dream of having a mature man next to them. Mature not in terms of age, but in terms of mental development... Responsible, reliable, promising...
Because those men who are next to them are often infantile and unable to bear responsibility not only for the family, but also for themselves. As a result, serious problems appear in the relationship, respect for the partner disappears, and the desire for intimacy with him ceases...

Lack of maturity of partners is indeed a very relevant topic in the modern world. But before we talk about what to do if your partner is not mature, first let’s understand what maturity is...

And we will answer questions that are relevant to every woman:

♡ How to distinguish a mentally mature person from an immature one?
♡ Who is a mature man? And is it worth dreaming about?
♡ And what’s even more relevant - how ready are you for a relationship with such a mature man?

So…

📌 Maturity is the correspondence of mental development to the years of life lived. Each of us, growing up, should be able to solve problems appropriate to our age. And this is completely natural. Just like when we study at school, we have tasks and assignments for 1st grade, 5th grade, 10th grade... The same thing happens in life. Each age, as a stage of development, presents us with certain challenges that it is important for us to cope with in order to move on.

When I was studying to become a clinical psychologist, we were told that a woman, if she goes through the stages of maturation correctly, reaches mental maturity at about 28 years old, and a man at 33.
This means that at this age we should already be able to take responsibility for ourselves, make choices, make decisions, build relationships, have a certain stability in life...

If we talk about the development of the human chakra system, then By the age of 28, the formation of the heart energy center is completed, which is responsible for our ability to love, build cordial relationships with a partner and people in general, the willingness not just to have children, but to be real parents, which also symbolizes a certain maturity.

But sometimes such maturation does not happen for one reason or another. And as a result, a person is unable to fully build family relationships, which require a certain level of maturity in order to promote the development of both partners and solve the tasks that family life poses for a couple.

Of course, there are no perfectly mature people; all the same, each of us, to one degree or another, will be immature in some way, since each of us has our own “points of growth.”

However, there are basic indicators of mental maturity, and they generally apply to both men and women. And they are quite achievable.
That is, in order for the relationship in a couple to develop, and for this union to be favorable for the development of both the man and woman themselves and their children, it is necessary that the partners at least understand the importance of these indicators and take real steps to achieve them.

Try these indicators now on yourself and your partner. This is a good opportunity to answer the following questions for yourself:

♡ How mature am I?
♡ And how mentally mature is my partner?

1. First indicator of maturity- This is taking responsibility for yourself and for your life.

Remember the scene from the movie “The Diamond Arm”, in which the heroine of the film shouted: “It’s not my fault! He came himself!

A mature person understands what responsibility is. That this is not some mythical abstract concept, but concrete deeds and actions and taking responsibility for their results.

Therefore, a mature person has an adequate understanding of the feeling of guilt. He does not blame any events on his parents, spouse, children, boss, etc. or, as the other extreme, does not blame himself for everything. Because maturity gives an understanding that each person has his own responsibility.

⚠ So, for example, during a divorce, a mature person realizes that both spouses contributed to the breakup, and the fact that they are now breaking up is everyone’s responsibility. The infantile position is to blame everything on the husband (wife) or to take everything upon oneself. Lack of maturity often gives rise to a tendency to self-flagellation.

However, when I work with clients who are going through a breakup, I always ask them to imagine their partner in front of them and tell them: “I give you your part of the responsibility for our separation, and I keep mine.” And this always changes the perception of the situation. Of course, the shares of responsibility are not equal, but it is always important to understand that there are two people in a relationship, and each of them contributed to the final result.

Therefore, if you meet a man and when asked why the previous relationship didn’t work out, you hear something like: “She didn’t understand me, didn’t support me, demanded too much from me, I couldn’t do this anymore...” - in front of you not a mature man. The same as if he answers that his wife was wonderful, and he is a complete nonentity, and he ruined everything (yes, yes, there are such men!).

2. Second indicator of maturity is the ability to face reality and not run away from it. That is, the ability to live the experience that life gives.

As I wrote above, at each stage of our development we are given certain feasible tasks and tasks that we need to complete and which create opportunities for us to form life experience.

Infantility manifests itself in the fact that a person avoids going through these tasks, for example, for a long time he does not go into difficult experiences for him, avoids clarifying relationships that should have been clarified long ago, does not solve problems as they arise, putting them aside, afraid to face the truth and continues to live in illusions.

Agree that when a teenage girl does not dare to clarify her relationship with the guy she likes, this is normal, but when a 40-something year old woman does this, this is already sad...

👉 This also includes the ability to break up competently, and not to run away from a relationship without putting an end to it and without explaining anything, but the ability to talk and say “Goodbye” in an adult way. And also the ability to adequately meet another person’s “Goodbye”, having lived through this loss and moving on.

It is also the ability to make choices and take responsibility for them. Choose where, how and with whom he lives now, what his surroundings are, with whom he spends time, what his health is, his job, etc.

⚠ A mature person realizes that what happens in his life is a consequence of his decisions and choices made.

An infantile person gives the opportunity to other people to choose for him, for example, his parents decide where he will work, his friends decide where they will spend time, etc. Infantility is afraid of responsibility, afraid of situations of choice and avoids them.

3. Third indicator of maturity– this is the ability to withstand psychological stress, uncertainty, hostility from other people, as well as an adequate attitude towards conflicts for quite a long time.

⚠ A psychologically mature person understands that any relationship is the development of two separate personalities, each of whom has his own views, thoughts, beliefs, goes through different stages that may not coincide with the “stages” of the partner. And it’s normal to find yourself in a conflict situation from time to time, sort things out, argue, prove something to each other.

If the attitude towards conflicts is adequate, then these conflicts can develop and deepen relationships. If a person perceives any conflict, even the smallest one, as “the end of the world,” as an indicator that “it’s all over,” “they don’t love me anymore,” “our relationship has no future,” then this is an indicator of infantility.

If a person is not able to withstand tension in a relationship and immediately tries to adapt to his partner even at the cost of his own personality destruction, then this is an indicator of lack of maturity.

👉 A mature person understands and accepts that he may have ill-wishers, he recognizes the right not to be good to everyone. And at the same time remains open to finding solutions to the conflict and eliminating hostility.

This also includes the ability to recover from stress. A mature person is responsible for his condition, and if he feels that he cannot cope with his emotions, then he asks for help from a specialist, and does not wait to see where the curve will lead.

And maturity also gives an understanding of the importance of rest, and a mature person will never drive himself like a horse and leave himself without the necessary respite.

4. Fourth indicator of maturity– this is the ability to be and feel alive, to show interest in life.

This is a very interesting point, as it shows a person’s deep attitude towards life. To be here and now, the ability to feel every moment of life, to be in this moment, to live it, to breathe it, to feel yourself, your body, your feelings... This is an indicator of maturity.

Infantility is manifested in the fact that a person seems to be living, but seems not to be. He has no deep interest in life, no desire to live every moment. An immature person simply “lives” his life day after day, lying on the couch, doing some routine things, or runs from life to work, depending, occupies his head with a computer and social networks, or is simply afraid to live, afraid to breathe fully breasts, and does nothing about this fear.

⚠ Mature man chooses life, chooses to live and feel everything: both good and bad. He welcomes life every morning and every evening he falls asleep with thoughts of gratitude for the day he has lived, and he chooses to feel alive, even if it means feeling pain.

5. Fifth indicator of maturity– this is the acceptance of your feelings, both light and dark.

⚠ A mature person creates his behavior from within, based on your own condition and desires, and not on other people’s opinions, assessments and expectations. An infantile person always first thinks about what others will say, how they will react to his manifestations, what is expected of him now.

Maturity gives acceptance of oneself in all its forms, in all its states, and at the same time a mature person is in contact with his feelings, understands what is happening to him at every moment of time and, if necessary, is able to control and manage his feelings.

This also includes a calm attitude towards one’s own and others’ shortcomings, without aggression. A mature person sees his strengths and weaknesses, his strengths and weaknesses, and at the same time does not make his shortcomings an unsolvable problem, but, on the contrary, turns them into a resource. He accepts himself as a person worthy of respect and treats others with respect.
The infantile position is anger and even hatred towards oneself for one’s imperfections, a harsh and categorical attitude towards other people for their shortcomings and mistakes.

6. Sixth indicator of maturity is the ability to love and build deep heartfelt relationships.

A mature position in relationships is the understanding that everything cannot always be perfect, that love and pain are two sides of the same coin, that when you open your heart, you always take risks, however, living with a closed heart, you really you don’t live, you simply exist.

⚠ Maturity gives you the courage to enter into a relationship., be honest and sincere, open, try, make mistakes, try again... A mature position gives the willingness and ability to build relationships with a partner on equal terms.

The infantile position is always superficial, there is no depth, there is no true love and trust, a person most often builds relationships out of fear of being alone or from the position “everyone has it, and I need it” or simply does not understand how it happened that he is in a relationship , and why does he need this. Lack of maturity gives a tendency to become dependent on a partner, to live in the triangle “victim-aggressor-rescuer”, to painful attachments and to “get stuck” in another person.

This also includes a mature attitude towards sex. When a person develops mental maturity, he begins to perceive intimacy not just as a physical act that brings pleasure; for him, the first place comes to the pleasure of unity with a loved one. He doesn't want to have sex, but love. He cares about quality, not quantity.

Another indicator of maturity in a relationship is the ability to take your time, but also “not slow down” when entering into a relationship and in its development. Of course, each couple has its own pace of development, but when a person immediately “jumps” into a relationship, without even figuring out what kind of person is in front of him, and forces events, this is a clear indicator of lack of maturity.

Some time ago, a man wrote to me on VK, we started a correspondence, and we talked on the phone a couple of times. And now, 5 days after our virtual acquaintance, I receive a message from him with declarations of love... He wrote to me that I am his destiny, that he no longer needs anyone but me, etc. Does this show him as a mature person?! Of course not. Because he didn’t recognize the real me, he made up everything about me for himself, and immediately rushed into battle.

Another option is that a man is playing for time, not taking the steps that are timely and necessary for the development of the relationship. As a mutual friend of mine and Yulia said: “Why do I need such a man? I’m not 18 years old and I don’t have time to dance too slow!”

7. Seventh indicator of maturity- this is a more or less clear idea of your goal in life and self-development in accordance with this goal.

Of course, a deep understanding of one’s global purpose in life is a high level of personal awareness, which only very mature and experienced Souls are capable of. But in general, the idea of why you live, why you live every day is the natural state of a mature person.

A mature person has an idea of his goals at different stages of life, lives meaningfully and plans his steps in accordance with his values and beliefs.

⚠ A mature person plans his development from year to year, based on your inner motives, desires, intuition, and not on fashion and advice from friends and family.

An immature person has difficulty imagining why he lives, where he is going, where and with whom he wants to be in a year, in 5, 10, 20 years. Most often he doesn’t even think about it or acts on the principle: “Everyone went, so I went!”

A mentally mature person is able to maintain concentration and solve various problems that life puts before him, and not fall into “frustration.”

8. Eighth indicator maturity– this is vitality.

This is a positive outlook on the world, and the ability to joke with oneself in difficult situations, and the ability to calmly accept new experiences and new life conditions... This is the position “no matter what happens, I will survive everything and become stronger,” and the willingness to wait for the most suitable time, and not following a momentary impulse, this is the confidence that “I will get everything in due time”... This is the ability to accept that something is not in his power to change, and the ability to take risks in order to get out of a dead end.

Infantile people most often live in the position of a victim, their thoughts and speech are colored in negative tones. They fear change and are attached to stability, so they would rather live a bad life in a dead end than take risks for a better life. They want everything right “here and now” and waiting for them is hard labor. They are unable to accept that something is beyond their power to change, and they either become depressed or smash their heads against the wall.

9. Ninth indicator of maturity- this is self-sufficiency.

Mature self-sufficiency is the ability to say “no”, to understand and defend one’s boundaries, it is the ability not to adapt to anyone, to give oneself support and not to demand it from others. This is the ability to be alone with a calm heart.

Infantile self-sufficiency is the position “I don’t need anyone,” “I can do without everyone,” it’s a kind of bravado about one’s loneliness, refusal to help—“I can handle it myself,” refusal of relationships with parents and ancestors. In fact, such “self-sufficiency” is driven by the desire for self-affirmation and a huge number of fears.

10. Tenth indicator of maturity- This is the ability to handle money.

A mature person values material energy even if he lives in constant austerity and spirituality. Maturity gives you the ability to treat money with respect, as one of the important types of energy, without getting stuck in it and without devaluing it.

⚠ A mature person is reasonably generous. He is ready to give without a sense of duty and to accept without guilt or the need for compensation.

An infantile position towards money is a fear of money, depreciation or, conversely, excessive deification of material energy. Infantile people do not know how to spend money, do not know how to keep track of money, and do not know how to plan expenses.
They do not have a balance in the “give-receive” relationship, and most often go very far in either one direction or the other.

🎯 Maturity is the combination of all the above indicators.

Of course, such a level of maturity is a difficult to achieve ideal, and as I wrote at the beginning of the article, each of us most often has our own “points of growth.” However, if most of the indicators coincide, or at least half, then the person is developing in the right direction, that is, he is going through the process of mental maturation.

The most important indicators are: 1 – taking responsibility for your life; 2 – the ability to live the life experience that life gives and not run away from it; 3 – adequate attitude to conflicts; 5 – acceptance of your feelings; 6 – ability to love and build relationships; 9 – self-sufficiency. They are the basis for maturity.

👉 What stage of mental maturation are you at now?
👉 And where is your partner (or the men you attract, if there is no permanent partner yet)?

It is also very important to honestly evaluate yourself and your man, if you already have one, how mentally mature each of you is.
If you understand that you are still far from maturity, do not immediately start scolding and blaming yourself. We'll be talking to you soon about how to help yourself grow.

For now, let's get back to dreaming about a mature partner, especially if you have now discovered that your partner (or suitors) are far from a mature attitude towards life. I suggest you do a little practice now...

Imagine that next to you is a truly mature man... He has all the indicators described above, and this man is yours!
Ask yourself:

♡ Am I ready for such a man now?

Feel it... What sensations do you get in your body next to such a man... What is your internal state...

📌 Do you feel calm next to such a responsible, self-sufficient man?
📌 Or do you have a feeling of compression, anxiety, fears and complexes?

Often a woman dreams of a mature man, but she herself is still not at all mature, and accordingly such a man at the moment of her development is simply contraindicated for her, since next to him all her complexes can surface and internal psychological problems are exposed, and this will have a destructive effect on her. Still, a mature partner is a pretty high bar. When a woman is not quite mature, she, as a rule, according to the law of similarity, attracts an immature partner to her.

If the feeling is pleasant, then ask yourself:
♡ Why do I need such a man?

The fact is that sometimes we dream of a mature man, not really in order to build a relationship with him on equal terms, like two mature individuals, but because we need a dad, a parental figure who will give us a state of protection, reliability, will take responsibility for us. And this is important to realize.

⚠ It’s good when both partners are at approximately the same degree of “adulthood”, then they have the opportunity to develop in unison and build a harmonious relationship. And if one of the pair has a serious advantage, then serious problems can arise.

A mature woman cannot be with an infantile man for a long time because it will start to destroy it. She will lose respect for such a man, her sexual desire for him will disappear, and internal tension and devastation will grow every day.

A mature man will also not be able to be with an infantile woman for a long time, because what initially could touch, over time turns into either irritation or an attitude like towards a daughter, whom you accept for who she is, but do not see a woman in her and, accordingly, do not want her.

It is very important to answer these questions honestly:

How mature am I now?
What do I associate with maturity? Do I want to go there? Because often the word “maturity” is associated with the concept of “old age”, and accordingly the attitude towards maturity becomes negative, and you don’t want to go into it at all.
If I'm afraid of becoming mature, why?

Gaining maturity is one of the most significant lessons of our Soul., one of the most important goals of our development and personal growth. Because only a mature person can build truly harmonious, deep, mutually enriching relationships with his partner, with children, with parents, with colleagues and partners. It is true maturity that opens the way for us to true spiritual communication and love.

Maturity brings wisdom to a woman, no matter how old the woman is. Maturity gives a woman wholeness and depth and a feeling of true happiness. A mature woman is a woman who has found herself and put herself together, and she is ready for a deep intimate relationship with God.

If you are ready for this in your life, then the issue of maturity for you is an important topic to feel and live!

With Love, Ekaterina Polishchuk!