Wherever a person is: at home, in a public place, at work, in transport, or even online on the Internet, he is inevitably at risk of encountering provocations, an acute reaction to which not only hurts the person, but also causes conflict situations. Provocations can have a wide variety of effects: irritate, hit sore spots, make you angry, drive you crazy, make you suffer, etc. Is it possible to somehow protect yourself and your psyche from the harmful influence of provocateurs? Skilled communicators know such methods and easily parry any attacks in their direction. But are all of us communication professionals? Unfortunately no. And not everyone can and wants to become one for certain reasons. But, be that as it may, the ability to repel communication attacks will always be a useful skill for absolutely any person. We will continue to talk about this skill below.
To begin with, it’s worth saying a few words about what provocation actually is. Provocation It is generally accepted to consider any action the purpose of which is to excite a certain reaction in another person. People who provoke others to these reactions are called provocateurs. And in most cases, provocateurs direct their “skills” to ensure that the one at whom their actions are directed loses self-control, control over his actions and emotions, and ultimately exposes himself to others or himself in an unfavorable light.
Sometimes even a person who is not particularly sensitive reacts to provocations, not to mention people who are more sensitive. But there are several very simple, but very effective ways to ensure that no provocation achieves its goal, and the person not only remains calm and unshakable, but also emerges victorious from any sensitive situation.
So, first of all, you need to know: in order to become resistant to provocations of any kind, you need, firstly, to devote some time to working out your “weak points”, and secondly, to adhere to a special strategy in your behavior. Both of these points are based primarily on the following five principles.
Understanding yourself
Almost every person has his own weaknesses. It is precisely to influence them that provocative behavior is designed, because it “catches” a person. Despite the fact that any interaction with provocateurs is destructive, it can be used to your advantage. Thanks to provocations, a person can get to know himself better, because... there is reason to think about why this or that behavior, words and actions of other people cause such a strong reaction. Often in this way it is possible to identify psychological and emotional ones. It is precisely the precise identification of your most vulnerable spots that allows you to strengthen your protection against provocations. It is worth adding to this that strengthening resilience is positively affected by the development of such qualities as the ability to observe what is happening from the outside, what is called, the ability to slow down your psyche in order to get out of the state of emotional involvement, as well as the ability to trust your feelings.
Detection of provocation
First of all, you need to pay attention to your own feelings. The usual reaction to provocation is bewilderment, misunderstanding, and indignation. In order to prevent these sensations from taking over yours, you need to turn on yours and turn them to what is happening at the moment. This helps you understand your feelings, calm your thoughts, free yourself from the influence of your interlocutor and realize that perhaps his behavior is provocative.
In addition, you need to pay attention to the intensity of your emotions. If, when communicating with a person, emotional states such as confusion, resentment, indignation, etc. regularly arise, then most likely you are faced with a provocation. When interacting with another person, it is important to understand the direction of communication: if it is constructive and aimed at finding compromise and understanding, then there is no place for provocations, but if over and over again you are forced to react sharply emotionally, then you are faced with a provocateur.
Study of the provocateur
If a provocateur is identified during communication, the next step is to determine its type. In general, provocateurs can be divided into several categories. These are amateur provocateurs, power-hungry provocateurs and strategic provocateurs.
For amateur provocateurs The main “activity” is process observation. Moreover, observation from a distance. These people are often influenced by their own emotions, because... They don’t know how to control them. If suddenly an amateur provocateur felt that, for example, the point of view of another person differs sharply from his position, then he will certainly express this by projecting his aggression onto the interlocutor. Although, the expression of his position can be expressed not only in aggressive attacks, but also in tears, ignoring, etc.
When confronted with such a person, the surest way is to remove yourself from the situation. It's like a pendulum: it swings to touch you, and you come into resonance with it, but if you fail this pendulum, i.e. If you don’t react to it in any way, its vibrations will begin to fade and after a while it will stop.
Power-hungry provocateurs differ in a slightly different “approach”. Their goal is to gain a sense of power, importance, and control over situations and people. If the person they are communicating with begins to react violently to their behavior, then for them he will be a “better” interlocutor. With the help of provocations, power-hungry provocateurs identify psychologically strong and weak people. When interacting with such people, it is very important to maintain a neutral position: maintain an even tone of conversation, refrain from rash reactions, etc.
A provocateur-strategists- these are people who achieve their goals through manipulation of others. They can talk behind people's backs, intrigue, gossip, and do other similar things. If you encounter such a person, then you need to try to determine what exactly his goal is, and whether his goals are consistent with yours. If you can be mutually useful to each other, then such a person can play along in his game, naturally, without taking his side and without becoming a provocateur-strategist himself. If your goals are not consistent, then it is best to keep your distance from this person and carefully monitor what is happening.
Assessment of the situation
When faced with any situation of provocation, you don’t need to pay much attention to thinking about why this person behaves this way, because there is another way; I don’t understand why he needs this, etc. By doing this, we lose the thread of events and begin to “dance to the tune” of the provocateur. And under no circumstances should you do this. Instead, you need to think about what behavior strategy to adopt. And here there can be three options.
First- this is to clarify the intentions of the provocateur by asking him direct questions about what he wants. For example, the question: “Do I understand correctly that you want to provoke me to....?” etc.
Second- This is the expression of one’s feelings through simple and calm expressions of one’s emotions. For example, the phrase: “I’m not feeling very happy because you and I don’t understand each other,” etc.
Third– use of metaphors to describe differences in positions. For example, the statement: “Our communication is similar to the communication of people from different planets, because....” etc.
In addition, if the provocateur is someone from your inner circle, then you need to try to determine what motivates him when choosing a provocative line of behavior. In some cases, both people can act as provocateurs, when the provocations of one cause provocations of the other, etc. In such situations, one must certainly leave his “I” aside and meet the other halfway, consciously yielding.
Selecting a reaction
Considering that the main task of a provocateur is to upset the emotional balance of another person and cause acute negative reactions, the surest way to act is nothing more than maintaining calm and awareness. In this way, a person can not only remain unshakable, but also cause an emotional imbalance in the provocateur, not meeting his expectations.
In order to prevent yourself from “boiling,” you can take a few simple steps:
- Remember that your reaction is only your choice
- Count to yourself to ten
- Take several deep breaths and slow exhalations
Any of these methods can “slow down” a person’s psyche and calm his thoughts, as a result of which he will lose the desire to react to provocation, which, in turn, neutralizes the attacks of the provocateur.
It is the choice of reaction that is the key point in the issue of protection against provocations. But understanding ourselves, identifying provocations, studying the provocateur, assessing the situation and choosing a reaction - all this is based mainly on observing ourselves, the people with whom we interact and the interaction process itself. Only knowledge of one’s strengths and weaknesses and the desire to stop succumbing to the manipulation of other people can protect a person from provocations and the occurrence of unwanted and even extreme situations in communication.
Many of us know people who seem to deliberately start conflicts, provoke quarrels and scandals. After communicating with them, an unpleasant aftertaste remains; we feel tired, overwhelmed, and unable to concentrate.
Provocation- an action, a specific, specially thought-out stimulus that is likely to cause a certain reaction in a person.
A provocateur forces us to behave hot-tempered, impulsively, demonstrate undesirable behavior, reveal personal or other people's secrets, and then experience a feeling of guilt or shame. Most often, we realize that we have succumbed to provocation after the act has been committed. By that time, our reputation had already suffered, relationships with people had deteriorated, and our mood and self-esteem had significantly decreased.
How to protect yourself from such manipulations?
To begin with, just observe the behavior of your friends and you will probably identify the provocateur and the goals that he pursues.
1. Provocation to prove your merits.
In this case, you are required to prove that you are not a coward, not a weakling, not greedy... To do this, your abilities are called into question, in other words, they are trying to « take it weakly » or, on the contrary, your merits are diligently emphasized: “You are so brave, dexterous and smart that of course you can go unnoticed...”
2. Provocation of certain thoughts, desires, and actions.
The provocateur is trying to get you to perform certain actions and disclose information. At the same time, he can play on what is significant and important to you: “You dreamed of having this”, on negativism and resistance, wanting to provoke the opposite reaction: “Do you know that this ban applies only to you?”, to be frank, open in the hope of reciprocal trust: “Between you and me, I don’t like our boss. He constantly finds fault with me about little things and is rude. What do you think about this?
You can obtain the necessary information in other ways. For example, openly asking an insensitive question straight to your face or telling an obvious lie. In this case, you will be forced to refute or confirm the provocateur’s assumptions.
- Does your wife know where you are now?
- I don't have a wife.
- It's clear.
In addition, such behavior of other people most often irritates, and in a fit of irritation a person usually tells the truth.
3. Provoking feelings of shame and guilt.
They try to catch you making mistakes, reproach you, shame you and belittle you, thus encouraging you to make amends for your guilt. A provocateur can also act as a tyrant, actively admit his guilt, the offense inflicted on you, apologize, and repent of what he has done. So he forces you to take part of the blame, make excuses and apologize for what you did not do.
Sometimes people provoke conflicts without realizing it. For example, many people with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) unconsciously seek out arguments because it stimulates their brains. They do this unconsciously: initially no one is going to start a conflict. Parents of children with ADD often say that their children are great at making people angry.
It is not difficult to understand that you have been subjected to provocation. The usual reaction to provocation is bewilderment, misunderstanding, indignation, confusion, resentment, and indignation. If you still have doubts, ask directly: “I understand that now you are provoking me to do this...”
To prevent negative feelings from overtaking you, look around, mentally describe what you see or list the objects around you. This will allow you to distract yourself, calm down, and free yourself from the influence of your interlocutor.
In order to regain lost balance, mentally count to ten or take several deep breaths and slow exhalations. Try to speak more quietly and calmly than your interlocutor.
Remember that the main task of a provocateur is to disrupt your emotional balance. By remaining calm, you will not only protect yourself, but also cause emotional imbalance in the provocateur by not meeting his expectations.
Provocation is an action or a series of actions with the aim of provoking a response or inaction of the provoked, as a rule, with the aim of artificially creating in this way difficult circumstances or consequences for the provoked. The subject who commits provocations is called a provocateur. Since provocations are based on the characteristics of human psychology and his behavior as a social being, they are studied by psychology and sociology.
Provocation can be a single action or a series of interrelated actions. In turn, actions can be directed both directly at the provoked person and at his environment. A number of multidirectional provocative actions make it possible to determine the relationships, as well as the strength and principles of operation of such relationships between the provoked and his environment. Provocative actions carried out within a certain period of time make it possible to determine the threshold of susceptibility of the provoked person to stimuli and the strength of the stimuli.
Provocations occupy an important place in profiling, marketing, military affairs, art, politics, in relations between individuals, groups of people, between legal entities and states. In politics, provocations are often aimed at a negative reaction of public opinion towards the enemy. In particular, methods of provocation may include committing unseemly actions under the guise of one’s opponent, inflicting damage on his known opponents, in order to evoke a reaction of sympathy in public opinion. In military affairs, a provocation can be a false retreat, creating the illusion of insecurity of one of your flanks, in order to lure the enemy into a trap.
For political purposes, states can sacrifice part of their troops, provoking the enemy into an open attack in order to gain a cause for war. Provocations are also used by law enforcement agencies, although in many countries this is illegal. Examples of such provocations are test purchases or sales of narcotic drugs, when the initiator of the crime is not the suspect, but law enforcement officers. The provocateur of a crime is the person from whom the initiative to commit it comes.
Provocateurs were usually called secret employees of special services who incited revolutionaries to commit any criminal acts so that they would then be arrested and convicted. Revolutionaries often called all secret employees (informants) of security departments provocateurs, even if their role was limited to reporting information about the revolutionaries.
How to proceed to provocation:
1. Interruption.
2. Mimicking (exaggeration).
3. Demonstrate how a person influences people.
4. Misinterpret a person's behavior and various confusions.
For example: A person cannot utter a word out of excitement, and at this moment we say: “I understand everything, you are planning a great answer.”
Before the autumn holidays, Ekaterinburg schools are holding Internet safety lessons. The main goal of such classes is “to develop students’ sustainable life skills when working on the Internet.” To put it simply, after such a lesson, a child should learn to ignore trolling, recognize spam and fight viruses, come up with complex passwords and not post personal data on social networks.
The site's correspondent attended such a lesson with tenth-graders from school No. 145. As an exemplary student, he took notes for the lesson and successfully passed the single lesson test (with a B) after a short lecture. We are publishing his recordings, which today will appear in millions of notebooks across the country (in 2016, 12.4 million children listened to a single lesson).
Cool job.
The lesson begins with a reminder from the teacher: “We have already covered this material. Let's repeat it now." The organizer of the action, member of the Federation Council Lyudmila Bokova, claims the same thing. “Guys, you were torn away from studying and socializing for the sake of repeating well-known rules,” she says.
Rule #1: Fight computer viruses
- Transmitted through unlicensed products, links, letters, drives, etc.
- To protect your PC, you need to download and constantly update the antivirus, carefully check the sender and subject of the letter. Messages that seem suspicious should be deleted or forwarded to support.
Rule #2: Avoid theft of personal information
- Personal information: photo, full name, home address, content of correspondence, passwords, etc.
- The main mistake is to post all the information about yourself on social networks.
- You need to control the content of your page and hide it from strangers.
Rule #3: Create complex passwords
- Date of birth, word typed in transliteration, simple combinations of numbers, full name, etc. should not be used as a password. “For example, who will guess that your password is “Cheburashka” with a capital letter?”
- The longer the password, the better. The more different symbols, the better. Don't use the same passwords and try not to forget the ones you come up with.
Definitions:
Keylogger- a program that tracks user input of passwords and PIN codes. Can be used by attackers who collect information about you. It transmits all the texts typed on the computer, from which you can easily determine, for example, the contents of the letter, the sender’s data, the login and password for the mailbox.
Trolling- provoking a person to aggression through attacks and disrespectful statements.
Secure connection- data encryption while working with the resource. You can determine whether it is secure by the letter S (secure) in the HTTP protocol. If it is, then the connection is secure. Do not enter card details on an unsecured connection.
Rule #4: Trolls should be ignored or reported
- The easiest way to combat bullying is to ban the troll on social networks. You can contact the site administrator and the police.
- The troll is looking for a person with an unstable emotional background. Its main goal is to achieve a reaction to insults and bullying. He is not interested in a victim who ignores him.
After a short lecture you need to go through. As a result, each child receives an electronic participant certificate. The test is not graded; the user only learns the percentage of correct answers.
