Leo Tolstoy wrote his novels with ink from Max Factor and this gave them additional volume, length and expressiveness.
Anecdote from the 70s.
- What is the Central Committee of the CPSU?
- A set of voiceless consonants.
Lewis Carroll, while traveling through Russia, wrote down the wonderful Russian word for “defending” (those who protest themselves, as he noted in his diary). In English letters. The sight of this word is terrifying... zаshtsheеshtshaуоушtsheеkhsуа. Not a single Englishman or American can pronounce this word...
At the philology department there is a lecture on linguistics, the teacher selflessly broadcasts:
- There are languages in which two statements in a row mean negation. There are languages in which negation and affirmation, placed side by side, mean negation, and there are languages in which the same combination means affirmation. But remember that there is no language in which a double statement means a negative!
Student's voice from the back desk: - Well, yes, of course!
There is no sadder story in the world than three hundred women at the faculty.
A young man of pleasant appearance and remarkable intelligence is expelled of his own free will at the beginning of October of his fifth year. In the training department they are perplexed: “What happened? Family circumstances? Maybe you need help?
“No,” the guy frowns... You see, in my first year they discussed different stores in front of me. I wasn't paying attention.
On the second, they chatted about their clothes and intimate details of the toilet. I made snide remarks.
On the third, they gossiped about their boyfriends. I learned a lot of new and interesting things.
On the fourth, they discussed “special days,” abortion and the details of married life. I endured.
But when, at the very beginning of my fifth year, I dreamed that my tights were torn!..”
The book fell from the shelf
And she killed her brother.
How heavy are you?
Russian grammar!
Philologists, when they get married, do not create a social unit like “family”, but simply unite libraries.
- Hello, grandma. We came from Moscow and are studying Russian dialects. Talk to us?
- Why study here? We have Central Russian dialects! In the north, at least they have contraction of vowels...
The philologist begins the lecture:
“Today our conversation will focus on difficult cases in the Russian language.”
He stops, thinks, mutters under his breath: “Wouldn’t it be more correct to say “about difficult cases of the Russian language”?”
Depending on the intonation, one swear word from auto mechanic Petrov can mean up to 50 different parts and devices.
An example from the field of achievements of the Russian language is a meaningful sentence in which five indefinite verbs appear in a row: It’s time to get ready, get up, go buy a drink!
An exclusively Russian phrase: “No.”
If Russians loved to work, they wouldn't call a switch a switch.
During the exam, the professor asks the student: - What is a synonym?
- A synonym is a word that we write instead of one whose spelling we do not know.
This Russian language is strange! A pie is singular, and half a pie is plural. Look: “Why do I need YOUR pie?” or “Why do I need YOUR half pie?
Oddities of the Russian language: a bachelorette party is a women's party, and a womanizer is a loving man
If obscenities in the Russian language were replaced with emoticons, then our language would not only be the most powerful, but also the most fun
One English magazine announced a competition for the shortest story. Any topic, but there are four prerequisites:
1. It must mention the queen;
2. God is mentioned;
3. To have a little sex;
4. So that there is mystery.
The first prize was received by the student who, having fulfilled all the conditions, fit the story into one phrase: “Oh God,” the queen cried, “I’m pregnant and it’s unknown from whom!”
Yes, it’s iambic and trochee!
By the way, “I” is the last letter in the alphabet!
- Right. When this alphabet was written, they said about themselves - AZ!
If you write “categorical imperative” on the fence instead of the word “…”, then the reader will experience cognitive dissonance.
Saint Peter comes to God, and God asks him:
-How are the students preparing for the session?
-Mathematicians are getting ready.
-Well done! What about biologists?
-Biologists in libraries are just sleeping.
-What about philologists?
-And philologists pray.
-That’s why we’ll help them!
A lawyer is walking, carrying a stack of books. A philologist walks along, dragging a stack, under which he is not visible. Lawyer, with horror: “Is this literature for the session?!” Philologist, angrily: “Is Devaissi?! This is a LIST of literature for the session!”
The inscription on the fence:
Here around the corner they sell steel gratings.
Postscript:
The helmet-shining Hector bought them for his palace!
Return to top Go down
“It rejuvenates,” said the coachman. Dahl took out his notebook and wrote: “To rejuvenate is to become cloudy, covered in clouds, inclined towards bad weather.”
“Yes, moloz... Don’t shut up, damn it!” - the coachman added...
Homer read 100 books and wrote one... Griboyedov read 200 and wrote one... Daria Dontsova read the shampoo label - and was SO INSPIRED!!!
Series "Collected works of Ivan Susanin".
Volume 1: "How to make friends."
Volume 2: "Russian semiconductors".
Volume 3. "Forests of Russia".
Volume 4: "Collection of Polish obscenities."
One night the great writer Dostoevsky was awakened by a telephone call:
- Fedya, it’s me, Chernyshevsky, I can’t sleep - WHAT TO DO!?
- That same night Dostoevsky wrote the novel “The IDIOT”...
It turns out that Chernyshevsky, following Gogol, also burned the second volume of his book. It was called “Take off your pants and run”
The ancient times of imperial Russia. University students noticed Ivan Andreevich Krylov passing by and decided to make fun of his corpulence:
- Look, there's a cloud coming!
Ivan Andreevich:
- And the frogs croaked!
The famous Russian poet Zhukovsky in adulthood was a very famous person in the country and even taught the family of the Sovereign Emperor the Russian language and belles-lettres.
Once, on a country walk, with a large gathering of all sorts of people of the deepest blood, a naive thirteen-year-old princess approached Zhukovsky (according to another version, it was a foreign princess who saw this word on the fence in the garden, and asked about it at a feast with a large number of distinguished guests) and asked :
- Mister poet! What does the word "*ui" mean?
Everyone froze... But Zhukovsky, without being confused or wincing, answered:
- High-born princess! In the Great Russian language there is a verb "to poke". It means to place, insert something somewhere. The imperative mood "sui" is derived from it. In the Little Russian dialect of the Russian language there is a verb “khovat”, which means to hide. The imperative mood “*уй” is derived from it, meaning “hide” in Russian.
(- Do you remember, Your Highness, we went through the imperative mood just now? So, what you deigned to say is nothing more than the imperative mood from the word “khovat,” which means “to hide.” However, this word is used only by the lower classes, and it is advisable not to use it in polite society.)
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The princess left, satisfied. (Everyone continued to bang their forks accordingly.)
After which the Emperor approached Zhukovsky, took a gold watch out of his pocket and gave it to the poet with the words: “Here, * put it in your pocket! For your resourcefulness!”
Internet in Old Russian
"The clerk is on fire!!"
"Learn Old Slovenian!"
"To Kozelsk, beast!!"
"These words are very old"
“I haven’t read the chronicle, but the boyars say - it’s not right!”
“There is a clerk from hell and the devil!”
"Clerk, drink the poison!"
"Kill yourself, hit yourself"
“Why are you driving the unfortunate man away?”
“Are you the enemy of the son of Israel?”
"Clerk, write more, for it will count for you"
"And those who are woeful and doomed are sodomites"
“I am the first, no one can take me away!”
"There are dozens of people and I fear nothing"
“This creation stinks, and the scribe is a shamer”
“These initial letters are very numerous, it’s hard to understand”
“Put it in the chronicles!”
“Have a lot of fun, jump off your seat and eat your meal.”
"The burdens are heavy and bearable"
“Turn back, there is a psalm”
"Fear the abyss of wisdom, turn back"
"To Gehenna!"
“Clerk, do more and more!”
"I'm laughing exhausted"
"People talk stupidly!" (comments rule)
“May I be remembered!” (in memoriz)
“The head of the fireplace is about the frame of the svetlitsa” (to Apsten)
“Bow your head on the pen and charter” (on the keyboard)
"I'm laughing under the bench"
“Why, dog, didn’t you naps about your perseverance?”
A foreign delegation visited a Soviet plant. The master and the worker are chatting temperamentally, not noticing anyone. One of the foreigners speaks Russian and translates the conversation to the others:
- The foreman invites the worker to process the part, citing the fact that he is in an intimate relationship with the worker’s mother. The worker refuses to process the part, citing the fact that he is in an intimate relationship with the master’s mother, with the shop manager, with the plant director and with the part itself.
A Russian, a German and a Frenchman argued who could name the largest number. The German said a million, the French - a billion, and the Russian - a lot. They ask him - how much is it? He:
- Try to walk along the rails and count the sleepers. When you get to the point of "screw it" - it will only be half a lot.
One German translator boasted that he knew the Russian language perfectly and could translate any phrase. Well, they offered to translate it into German: “Mowed with a scythe with a scythe”...
One day a student asked Dietmar Elyashevich Rosenthal: “Please tell me how to spell the word “f*ck” - together or separately?”
“If this is a characteristic of my attitude towards you, young man,” Rosenthal replied calmly, “then together. And if it is a designation of the depth of the great Jewish River Jordan, then separately.”
You are studying at the Faculty of Philology if:
1. When they ask you how long ago you read “War and Peace,” you answer: “Tolstoy or Mayakovsky?”
2. When you mention the first name and patronymic “Vladimir Vladimirovich,” you do not remember Putin.
3. You are used to being looked at sympathetically.
Mostly girls study at the Faculty of Philology, and there are few boys. Therefore, when sent to agricultural work, the teams were composed in proportion: 10 girls to 1 guy, so that he would carry buckets, etc.
And then one day this guy somewhere got very tired at night, couldn’t work, but fell on a pile of tops and went to sleep. The girls took pity on him, did not wake him up, and worked quietly themselves. Then one local collective farmer walked by and decided to stand up for them. She comes up to the guy, shakes him, and shouts: “Why are you lying down, here are the girls struggling for you, and he’s lying down!” And the guy was cheeky and simply, philologically, sent her in Russian. The collective farmer became furious and shouted: “What’s your last name? Now I’ll go to your commissar and tell you everything!” And the guy seriously answers her: “Penis. Penis is my last name. Go ahead and complain.”
The collective farmer came running to the headquarters, and there was one associate professor there for the commissar. She runs in and shouts:
- What, commissioner!? You sit here, write papers, but your Penis doesn’t work!
Associate Professor, warily:
- Why do you think so?
Collective farmer, inflamed:
- I saw it myself! The girls try, squirm as best they can, but the Penis lies!
Associate Professor, embarrassed:
- Allow me, I’ll sort out the penis myself somehow...
- You'll figure it out, figure it out. Draw it in a wall newspaper, or discuss it at a meeting, otherwise I’ll write to your rector!
And she left, proud, leaving everyone in confusion...
Cyril and Methodius are the first people who guessed to change the encoding.
Before that, everyone wrote in transliteration.
From a textbook of the New Russian language: “If the phrase “in kind” can be replaced with the word “specifically”, it is introductory and is separated by commas.”
advertisement "Text analysis. I will consider any proposals"
Stupid case, questions: What?.. Eh?
A philologist comes to work with a huge black eye. The boss asks him:
- Well, how can that be? You are the most intelligent person! Where did you get this from?
- Yes, you understand... We drank tea with one of the nicest people. Among those invited was one military man. So he began to talk:
- “There was one dick in my company.”
And I tell him:
- “Sorry, but it’s correct to speak not in the mouth, but in the mouth.
The robber broke into the bank:
- Stand! This is a robbery!
Voice from the queue:
- “Stand” is a verb, idiot!
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are talking. Englishman:
- Our pronunciation is difficult. We say "Inaf" and write "Enough".
Frenchman:
- Oh-la-la, it’s so difficult here! We say "Bordeaux" and write "Bordeaux".
Russian:
- Yes, this is all nonsense. We say: “What?”, and write: “Repeat, please.”
The professor also took exams on the chest - students and nerves passed.
Once Akhmatova, having shown Tynyanov some poem, asked him what size it was: “I just can’t figure out something...” Tynyanov hesitated, and then answered: “Actually, Anna Andreevna, in science it’s called Akhmatov's debtor..."
In central London, one man says to another:
“Excuse me, how much watch?”
"Near six."
"So much?"
"For whom how..."
"MGIMO finished?"
"Ask!..."
Perhaps, representatives of each profession have their own jokes that are understandable to a fairly narrow circle. But since many people have to learn the intricacies of the Russian language while still at school, philological jokes are understandable and always go off with a bang.
It is known that Lewis Carroll, while traveling around Russia, wrote down the word “defending”. In his travel diary, he noted it as “those who protest themselves,” and claimed that the very sight of this word caused horror in him. This is understandable; not a single foreigner is able to pronounce the word “zаshtsheеshtshaуоушtsheеkhsуа”.
A foreign delegation at a Soviet plant. The worker and the foreman, not noticing anyone, are talking temperamentally. One of the foreigners, who knows Russian tolerably, translates to the others:
“The foreman invites the worker to process the part, citing the fact that he is in an intimate relationship with the worker’s mother. The worker refuses to process the part, citing the fact that he is in an intimate relationship with the master’s mother, with the shop manager, with the plant director and with the part itself.”
A fifth-year student came to the dean’s office with a request to be expelled. “Are you having family problems? Need help? Let’s somehow resolve the issue, why should you be expelled?!” the dean is perplexed. “No, thank you,” the guy winced, as if from a toothache. - “Don't get me wrong. When in my first year they were constantly talking about stores, I simply didn’t pay attention. When in my second year they were constantly talking about fashionable underwear, I allowed myself sarcastic comments. In the third year, they began to discuss their love affairs, and I learned a lot of new and interesting things. On the fourth, I knew about the menstrual cycle of each of them, about abortions and the most intimate details of family life. But when a month ago I had a dream that my stockings were torn..."
Grandma, hello. We are philology students from Moscow. We came to you to study dialects...
- Why study our Central Russian dialect! In the north at least there is contraction of vowels...
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian talk about the complexities of languages.
Englishman:
- Our pronunciation is difficult. . For example, we say "Inaf" and write "Enough".
Frenchman:
- It’s even more complicated for us. We say "Bordeaux" and write "Bordeaux".
Russian:
- Yes, this is something else... We say: “What?”, and write: “Repeat, please.”
A British magazine announced a competition for the shortest story. The conditions of the competition were quite strict:
- The queen was supposed to be the main character.
- Be sure to mention God
- There must be a secret
- Definitely a little sex.
The first prize was awarded to the student who managed to fit the story into one phrase: “Oh God,” cried the queen, “I’m pregnant and it’s unknown from whom!”
A lawyer and a philologist meet in a university corridor. The lawyer has a small stack of books, and the philologist is not even visible because of the books. The lawyer is horrified: “Are these textbooks for the session?!” Philologist: “Are you kidding me?! This is the LIST of literature for the session.”
They will not only lift your spirits, but also help you be literate.
An experienced worker and an intellectual scientist are traveling in the same train compartment, they are silent, and the scientist, in order to somehow start a conversation, says:
- You know, dear, in our purely industrial age, every individual strives to reveal his inner potential by denying any manifestations of morality, discrediting and, in particular, in ways that contrast with any social norms. Don't you think so?
The worker scratched the back of his head, pretended to be thinking and said:
- It is, of course, it really is, as regards it, it is relative, but there has never been such a thing that anything happened, and if it did happen, then here you go!
Once Ilya Muromets and the Nightingale the Robber met...
But the church was against this marriage...
Hello! What do you have?
- Yes, I carry different things.
- Why are they awkward?
- You yourself are absurd. I carry different things, understand? Different. For example, I’m carrying chalk.
- What did you fail?
How many languages do you speak?
- Two.
The professor gives a lecture:
-Many languages have a double negation “not, not” as a confirmation of “yes”, but none have a double confirmation as a negation.
Voice from the audience:
-Well, yes, of course!
Two students enter the classroom to take an English exam.
Teacher: "Sit down, please"
The first one asks the second one quietly: “Listen, what did he say?”
Second: “He said, sit down, down.”
Archaeologists have managed to completely decipher the inscription on the tablets of the Old Testament. It turned out that there was only one commandment: “It is not written with verbs separately. Examples: do not kill, do not steal, do not commit adultery...”
An intelligent family will sell two pianos, five poltas, and one grand piano. They interfere in the calidor.
There is a version that in the name of the wine “Soul of a Monk” the first word is a gerund.
English exam. The teacher listens to the student’s answer in bewilderment for some time, then says, dumbfounded:
- Young man, but this is Chinese!
- Yes? Damn, last night in the dark I took the wrong textbook from the shelf...
Programmer in the library:
- Where are the books on programming?
They explain to him that ending a sentence with a question word is stylistically incorrect. Programmer:
- Oh, I understand. Where are the books on programming, your stupid head?
German language exam.
- Make up a sentence: a frog jumps through a swamp.
Student:
- Ain moment! Der frog in the swamp, der splash, der splash, der splash!
A linguist student came to take an exam in Latin. And he failed. He comes home, sad... Mom calls:
- Son, don’t be sad. I prepared something delicious for you. Eat some veal tongue...
- Fuck it, another dead language!
Somehow a man in the street comes up to a linguist and says:
- Tell me, you probably know English perfectly, right?
“Well, maybe not perfectly, but I know,” the linguist modestly answers.
— But tell me, how to translate the phrase “I don’t know”?
- I don't know.
- Well, no one knows!!!
Husband to wife:
- What an idiot you are!
– I would marry a general, I would be a general’s wife.
A man timidly pokes his head into the office marked “Speech therapist” and asks:
- Mona?
- Not Mona, but Noona! - the speech therapist answers.
Spring will drive anyone crazy - the ice has broken too.
Who are you?
- I'm a thief.
- Why so small?
- And I'm a pickpocket.
At the XXV Olympiad, schoolchildren were offered a problem in Aramaic. The note to it stated that, they say, the Aramaic language is one of the dead Semitic languages, and so on in the same spirit. You can imagine the state of a conscientious inspector who, at about three in the morning, opened the next (relatively speaking, eighty-third) work for inspection and literally read the following: “The Aramaic language is dead. Me too."
“Rejuvenates,” said the coachman and pointed to the blue sky.
Lieutenant Vladimir Ivanovich Dal wrapped himself tighter in his sheepskin coat, took out a notepad and wrote down “Rejuvenates - quickly cools.” This is how the first explanatory dictionary of the Russian language was born.
“It’s rejuvenating,” the coachman repeated and added, “you’d have to sweat it out, balin, to get to the evening.”
Give me five shawarmas... Five shawarmas or five shawarmas... In short, give me three shawarmas and two shawarmas!
Excuse me, are you getting off at the next stop?
- They only get married!
- Then, are you going?
- They just go crazy!
- What are you doing?
- I'm getting out!
- Well, then happy birthday!
Preskazamus has hurt us the future.
Darling, I can’t sleep without you...
- Come, let's get drunk together.
Girl, why are you killing yourself like that? You will never kill yourself like that.
Darling, should I wash the dishes or will you come back and wash it yourself?
- Okay my love...
- Please clarify: “Okay, my beloved”, “Okay, my beloved” or “Okay, my beloved”?!
“You’ll get shit” and “I won’t give you shit” - oddly enough, they’re the same thing.
An anecdote from that ancient time when $1 was worth a thousand rubles:
- How much does a lemon cost?
- A piece.
- Well, yes, how much does one piece cost?
- Lemon.
The rabbit catches a taxi. He opens the door and the taxi driver asks:
- Where are you going?
The rabbit shrinks away in horror:
- No!!! Just not for boa constrictors!!!
A complete sentence of five verbs without punctuation or conjunctions:
We decided to send him to go buy a drink.
Wife to husband after a quarrel: “Kiss me as a sign of reconciliation!” Husband: “Where do you have this sign?”
Happiness is when everyone who doesn't suit you doesn't suit you.
Will a person who doesn't care about anything stand the test of copper pipes?
My husband returns from London. Wife: “Well, how is it in London?” Husband: “I could in London.” Wife: “Why can’t you do anything at home?”
The old woman says to the old man: “Grandfather, it seems we will have children...” The old man replies: “Of course! After all, tomorrow we will receive a pension.”
Did you get the formula?!
-No.
-And I say, you got the formula! Do you hear, Schumacher! You already got the whole formula to come first!
Two amoebas meet and one says to the other: “Keep it simple!”
Tell me what you're thinking about and I'll tell you what.
The guy calls the girl: “Zhenya! Zhenya! I’m getting married!” Girl: "Oh! I'm on my way!"
In the school canteen, a boy turns to the seller: “I’m three second.” The seller responded: “Would you like the root of minus two?”
Pun:
Is it possible to be indifferent to evil?
Mystery:
What both increases and decreases? (life)
Elena37
Telephone conversation:
- Hello! Am I the one who ended up in the morgue?
- No, we just got through to you.
I'd like half a watermelon, please.
- It’s easy - it’s a male.
How to measure the heroic silushka?
- We need to multiply the mass by the acceleration!
Yes. I'm a fairy! I can make fun of you, or I can make fun of you!!!
I am a philticultipist person: I can filticultiply and filticultiply!
Grunting is a sign of agreement!
How philologists joke: about language, writers, politics and life.
Anecdote from the 70s.
What is the Central Committee of the CPSU?
A set of voiceless consonants.
Lewis Carroll, while traveling through Russia, wrote down the wonderful Russian word for “defending” (those who protest themselves, as he noted in his diary). In English letters. The sight of this word is terrifying... zаshtsheеshtshaуоушtsheеkhsуа. Not a single Englishman or American can pronounce this word...
At the philology department there is a lecture on linguistics, the teacher selflessly broadcasts:
There are languages in which two statements in a row mean a negation. There are languages in which negation and affirmation, placed side by side, mean negation, and there are languages in which the same combination means affirmation. But remember that there is no language in which a double statement means a negative!
There is no sadder story in the world than three hundred women at the faculty.
A young man of pleasant appearance and remarkable intelligence is expelled of his own free will at the beginning of October of his fifth year. In the training department they are perplexed: “What happened? Family circumstances? Maybe you need help?
“No,” the guy frowns... You see, in my first year they discussed different stores in front of me. I wasn't paying attention.
On the second, they chatted about their clothes and intimate details of the toilet. I made snide remarks.
On the third, they gossiped about their boyfriends. I learned a lot of new and interesting things.
On the fourth, they discussed “special days,” abortion and the details of married life. I endured.
But when, at the very beginning of my fifth year, I dreamed that my tights were torn!..”
The book fell from the shelf
And she killed her brother.
How heavy are you?
Russian grammar!
Philologists, when they get married, do not create a social unit like “family”, but simply unite libraries.
Hello, grandma. We came from Moscow and are studying Russian dialects. Talk to us?
But why study here - we have Central Russian dialects! In the north, at least they have contraction of vowels...
The philologist begins the lecture:
“Today our conversation will focus on difficult cases in the Russian language.”
He stops, thinks, mutters under his breath: “Wouldn’t it be more correct to say “about difficult cases of the Russian language”?”
Depending on the intonation, one swear word from auto mechanic Petrov can mean up to 50 different parts and devices.
An example from the field of achievements of the Russian language is a meaningful sentence in which five indefinite verbs appear in a row: It’s time to get ready, get up, go buy a drink!
An exclusively Russian phrase: “No.”
If Russians loved to work, they wouldn't call a switch a switch.
During the exam, the professor asks the student: - What is a synonym?
A synonym is a word that we write instead of one whose spelling we do not know.
This Russian language is strange! A pie is singular, and half a pie is plural. Look: “Why do I need YOUR pie?” or “Why do I need YOUR half pie?
Oddities of the Russian language: a bachelorette party is a women's party, and a womanizer is a loving man
If obscenities in the Russian language were replaced with emoticons, then our language would not only be the most powerful, but also the most fun
One English magazine announced a competition for the shortest story. Any topic, but there are four prerequisites:
1. It must mention the queen;
2. God is mentioned;
3. To have a little sex;
4. So that there is mystery.
The first prize was received by the student who, having fulfilled all the conditions, fit the story into one phrase: “Oh God,” the queen cried, “I’m pregnant and it’s unknown from whom!”
Yes, it’s iambic and trochee!
By the way, “I” is the last letter in the alphabet!
Right. When this alphabet was written, they said about themselves - AZ!
If you write “categorical imperative” on the fence instead of the word “…”, then the reader will experience cognitive dissonance.
Saint Peter comes to God, and God asks him:
How are the students preparing for the session?
Mathematicians are getting ready.
Well done! What about biologists?
Biologists in libraries are just sleeping.
What about philologists?
And philologists pray.
So we will help them!
A lawyer is walking, carrying a stack of books. A philologist walks along, dragging a stack, under which he is not visible. Lawyer, with horror: “Is this literature for the session?!” Philologist, angrily: “Is Devaissi?! This is a LIST of literature for the session!”
The inscription on the fence:
Here around the corner they sell steel gratings.
Postscript:
The helmet-shining Hector bought them for his palace!
Return to top Go down
“It rejuvenates,” said the coachman. Dahl took out his notebook and wrote: “To rejuvenate is to become cloudy, covered in clouds, inclined towards bad weather.”
Homer read 100 books and wrote one... Griboyedov read 200 and wrote one... Daria Dontsova read the shampoo label - and was SO INSPIRED!!!
Series "Collected works of Ivan Susanin".
Volume 1: "How to make friends."
Volume 2: "Russian semiconductors".
Volume 3. "Forests of Russia".
Volume 4: "Collection of Polish obscenities."
One night the great writer Dostoevsky was awakened by a telephone call:
Fedya, it’s me, Chernyshevsky, I can’t sleep - WHAT TO DO!?
That same night Dostoevsky wrote the novel “The IDIOT”...
It turns out that Chernyshevsky, following Gogol, also burned the second volume of his book. It was called “Take off your pants and run”
The ancient times of imperial Russia. University students noticed Ivan Andreevich Krylov passing by and decided to make fun of his corpulence:
Look, there's a cloud coming!
Ivan Andreevich:
And the frogs croaked!
The famous Russian poet Zhukovsky in adulthood was a very famous person in the country and even taught the family of the Sovereign Emperor the Russian language and belles-lettres.
Once, on a country walk, with a large gathering of all sorts of people of the deepest blood, a naive thirteen-year-old princess approached Zhukovsky (according to another version, it was a foreign princess who saw this word on the fence in the garden, and asked about it at a feast with a large number of distinguished guests) and asked :
Mister poet! What does the word "*ui" mean?
Everyone froze... But Zhukovsky, without being confused or wincing, answered:
High-born princess! In the Great Russian language there is a verb "to poke". It means to place, insert something somewhere. The imperative mood "sui" is derived from it. In the Little Russian dialect of the Russian language there is a verb “khovat”, which means to hide. The imperative mood “*уй” is derived from it, meaning “hide” in Russian.
(- Do you remember, Your Highness, we went through the imperative mood just now? So, what you deigned to say is nothing more than the imperative mood from the word “khovat,” which means “to hide.” However, this word is used only by the lower classes, and it is advisable not to use it in polite society.)
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The princess left, satisfied. (Everyone continued to bang their forks accordingly.)
After which the Emperor approached Zhukovsky, took a gold watch out of his pocket and gave it to the poet with the words: “Here, * put it in your pocket! For your resourcefulness!”
Internet in Old Russian
"The clerk is on fire!!"
"Learn Old Slovenian!"
"To Kozelsk, beast!!"
"These words are very old"
“I haven’t read the chronicle, but the boyars say - it’s not right!”
“There is a clerk from hell and the devil!”
"Clerk, drink the poison!"
"Kill yourself, hit yourself"
“Why are you driving the unfortunate man away?”
“Are you the enemy of the son of Israel?”
"Clerk, write more, for it will count for you"
"And those who are woeful and doomed are sodomites"
“I am the first, no one can take me away!”
"There are dozens of people and I fear nothing"
“This creation stinks, and the scribe is a shamer”
“These initial letters are very numerous, it’s hard to understand”
“Put it in the chronicles!”
“Have a lot of fun, jump off your seat and eat your meal.”
"The burdens are heavy and bearable"
“Turn back, there is a psalm”
"Fear the abyss of wisdom, turn back"
"To Gehenna!"
“Clerk, do more and more!”
"I'm laughing exhausted"
"People talk stupidly!" (comments rule)
“May I be remembered!” (in memoriz)
“The head of the fireplace is about the frame of the svetlitsa” (to Apsten)
“Bow your head on the pen and charter” (on the keyboard)
"I'm laughing under the bench"
“Why, dog, didn’t you naps about your perseverance?”
A foreign delegation visited a Soviet plant. The master and the worker are chatting temperamentally, not noticing anyone. One of the foreigners speaks Russian and translates the conversation to the others:
The foreman invites the worker to process the part, citing the fact that he is in an intimate relationship with the worker’s mother. The worker refuses to process the part, citing the fact that he is in an intimate relationship with the master’s mother, with the shop manager, with the plant director and with the part itself.
A Russian, a German and a Frenchman argued who could name the largest number. The German said a million, the French - a billion, and the Russian - a lot. They ask him - how much is it? He:
One German translator boasted that he knew the Russian language perfectly and could translate any phrase. Well, they offered to translate it into German: “Mowed with a scythe with a scythe”...
One day a student asked Dietmar Elyashevich Rosenthal: “Please tell me how to spell the word “f*ck” - together or separately?”
“If this is a characteristic of my attitude towards you, young man,” Rosenthal replied calmly, “then together. And if it is a designation of the depth of the great Jewish River Jordan, then separately.”
You are studying at the Faculty of Philology if:
1. When they ask you how long ago you read “War and Peace,” you answer: “Tolstoy or Mayakovsky?”
2. When you mention the first name and patronymic “Vladimir Vladimirovich,” you do not remember Putin.
3. You are used to being looked at sympathetically.
Mostly girls study at the Faculty of Philology, and there are few boys. Therefore, when sent to agricultural work, the teams were composed in proportion: 10 girls to 1 guy, so that he would carry buckets, etc.
And then one day this guy somewhere got very tired at night, couldn’t work, but fell on a pile of tops and went to sleep. The girls took pity on him, did not wake him up, and worked quietly themselves. Then one local collective farmer walked by and decided to stand up for them. She comes up to the guy, shakes him, and shouts: “Why are you lying down, here are the girls struggling for you, and he’s lying down!” And the guy was cheeky and simply, philologically, sent her in Russian. The collective farmer became furious and shouted: “What’s your last name? Now I’ll go to your commissar and tell you everything!” And the guy seriously answers her: “Penis. Penis is my last name. Go ahead and complain.”
The collective farmer came running to the headquarters, and there was one associate professor there for the commissar. She runs in and shouts:
What, commissioner!? You sit here, write papers, but your Penis doesn’t work!
Associate Professor, warily:
Why do you think so?
Collective farmer, inflamed:
I saw it myself! The girls try, squirm as best they can, but the Penis lies!
Associate Professor, embarrassed:
Let me figure out the penis somehow myself...
You'll figure it out, figure it out. Draw it in a wall newspaper, or discuss it at a meeting, otherwise I’ll write to your rector!
And she left, proud, leaving everyone in confusion...
Cyril and Methodius are the first people who guessed to change the encoding.
Before that, everyone wrote in transliteration.
From a textbook of the New Russian language: “If the phrase “in kind” can be replaced with the word “specifically”, it is introductory and is separated by commas.”
advertisement "Text analysis. I will consider any proposals"
Stupid case, questions: What?.. Eh?
A philologist comes to work with a huge black eye. The boss asks him:
Well, how can that be? You are the most intelligent person! Where did you get this from?
Yes, you understand... We drank tea with one of the nicest people. Among those invited was one military man. So he began to talk:
- “There was one dick in my company.”
And I tell him:
- “Sorry, but it’s correct to speak not in the mouth, but in the mouth.
The robber broke into the bank:
- “Stand” is a verb, idiot!
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are talking. Englishman:
Our pronunciation is difficult. We say "Inaf" and write "Enough".
Oh-la-la, it’s so difficult here! We say "Bordeaux" and write "Bordeaux".
Yes, this is all nonsense. We say: “What?”, and write: “Repeat, please.”
The professor also took exams on the chest - students and nerves passed.
Once Akhmatova, having shown Tynyanov some poem, asked him what size it was: “I just can’t figure out something...” Tynyanov hesitated, and then answered: “Actually, Anna Andreevna, in science it’s called Akhmatov's debtor..."
In central London, one man says to another:
“Excuse me, how much watch?”
"For whom how..."
