She thinks you're talking, but doesn't let you get a word in. Not everything always goes according to plan, and it happens that you are the culprit of the tragedy. Whether it's a family member, a co-worker, or worse yet, a boss, aggressive and difficult people can turn a good day into drama for no good reason. When leaving is not an option, what do you do?
We've all met aggressive and difficult people to communicate with, which no one can, and no one wants to cope with. In most situations, you can simply walk away with ruffled feathers without escalating the situation to a cockfight. You can wait until the person annoying you leaves, and then complain to your friends: "He's unbearable". But another option seems much more productive: start developing the skills of practical psychology.
Firstly, take responsibility for your part of the interaction. Hostility comes from your own heart. Even the most unbearable person has or had a mother. He was loved by someone. If you can manage your reaction and take responsibility for it, it's hard to imagine a more productive step. Impartiality is the best answer, because if you can interact without a strong emotional response, your head will be clear enough to make progress with a difficult person.
Next, try to figure out what exactly is causing you irritation. Is this person an energy vampire, an eternal critic or a competition enthusiast? We tend to use descriptive words, this helps to understand and understand exactly what is happening.
- An energy vampire wants care and love. Such people feel weak, they are attracted to strong-willed people, but in desperation they will cling to anyone.
- The eternal critic must always be right. In any situation, he will justify his behavior, even cruel, and he always has a reason to blame others. These people are perfectionists and micro-managers. They are capable of endlessly criticizing others.
- A competition enthusiast must win. He views the most trivial meeting as a competition. He will not back down until he feels the sweet taste of victory.
How to learn to communicate with these types of people
- An energy vampire cannot be avoided.
He is like Velcro and will stick around as soon as you come into his line of sight. He ignores a polite refusal, and if you refuse him directly, you risk making your worst enemy. Neutrality hurts their pride and makes them feel insecure.
- The eternal critic will not deviate from his point of view,
even if you provide concrete evidence that you are right and that his judgment is wrong. He doesn't care about facts, he only cares about being right. His perfectionism will not allow you to communicate better even if you do your job a hundred times better than before. He will always find something to criticize.
- It is difficult to calm down a competition enthusiast even with pleas.
Any manifestation of emotion acts on him like a red rag on a bull. He perceives other people's tears as weakness and begins to press even harder. He comes back to finish even if you beg him not to. If you firmly stand your ground, he will probably try to desert and will avoid you in the future.
What to do if the described rules of communication do not help
- You can get rid of an energy vampire by showing how to cope with the situation yourself.
Let him feel responsible. Instead of doing what they want, show them how to do it. This technique works well with children and those children who will never grow up (which is why energy vampires seem so childish). If they try to get away with it and say that you are doing a better job, tell them that you are not. The stronger you act, the more they will cling to you. Finally, find a situation in which you can say, “I need your help.” They will either ignore the request or withdraw themselves. I think you will be happy with any option.
- The eternal critic can be defeated by fearlessness.
Deep down, he is afraid of appearing inadequate, and protects himself from his own insecurities, making others feel unsafe. When you've done a good job, just say so and don't give in to his insistence on constantly changing things. Learn to be firm and know how to stand up for yourself. But most importantly, do not get involved in the game of “who is right and who is wrong”: you will never beat a critic at his own game.
- The way to deal with a competitive person is to let him win.
Until he wins, he will not have a chance to show the generosity of his soul. Most competitors want to be generous: it improves their self-esteem, which they always worry about. If your views are completely different, never show emotions and do not ask for leniency. Instead, make a reasonable argument. If the discussion is based on facts, the competitive spirit of the competition enthusiast will not suffer too much. For example, instead of saying: “It’s late. I’m too tired for complex reasoning and you’re wrong,” say, “I need more time to resolve this issue. In the morning I will be fresh and able to make a decision.”
Of course, there are times when you can't handle difficult people and just have to distance yourself. But even the types described are not obvious; there are halftones here too.
People with high self-esteem.
Let them have their say. In most cases, they can be ignored; they themselves quickly forget what was said. If their dominance begins to put too much pressure on you, step aside. The best strategy - in practice it is used by those who love this type of person and have even married them - is to sit silently and enjoy the show.
Chronic complainers.
These people are angry and dissatisfied, but in reality they do not realize that the source of their anger is within themselves. As a rule, the only option is to put up with them and remain uninvolved in the monologue. Don't agree with their complaints and dissatisfaction, but don't try to calm them down either. They have endless fuel for their bile and seething rage.
Victims.
These people are passive-aggressive. They hurt you while hurting themselves. The best tactic is to show the anger you feel. Don't take their sacrifice as an excuse. If the victim puts himself in the “poor me” category with no passive-aggressive component, instead of sympathy, offer him real, practical help. For example, if the victim says they may soon lose their job, say, “I can lend you money and help you find job openings,” instead of, “That's terrible. You must feel disgusting."
Regardless, most difficult people want to be listened to and not judged. If you can take a moment to spare and not be too involved in the process, that's a worthy thing to do. Being a good listener means not arguing, criticizing, interrupting, or imposing your own opinions. If the person you're talking to has a genuine interest in you, which most difficult people don't, he'll invite you to speak rather than just listen. But the ability to listen must also have its limits. As soon as you feel that, against your will, you are being drawn into an unnecessary conversation, begin to retreat. The essence of practical psychology is knowing what to fix, what to put up with, and what to ignore.
How to communicate with short people(How To Talk To Short People, How to Talk to Short People, How to Talk to...) is a two-panel comic from the "Right/Wrong" series that pokes fun at various stereotypes.
Origin
It all started with a comic called How to Talk to Short People. It was published by Imgur user RequiemOfHorror on May 6, 2014. The pictures showed two people. In the first case, a tall man talks to a small man at full height, and this method is the correct one. In the second case, the tall one bends his knees to be at the same level as the interlocutor. The author captioned this picture “No.”
The comic began to be parodied. Users came up with their own ways to talk to short people. Moreover, in many versions the correct method, on the contrary, was comic. Later, other situations began to be used in the meme.
The meme reached the RuNet only in June 2017. They began to actively promote it in public places in the last week of the month.
Meaning
The meme “How to talk to...” or “How to communicate with..” makes fun of various stereotypes. Most often in these comics, the “correct” way means something ironic or immoral.
Gallery
Tall and short people are everywhere, they have to face a lot of difficulties in life that people of normal height do not notice.
Real “giants” more often suffer from pain in the legs and back; in addition, they have a number of other serious health problems (dizziness, blurred vision, fatigue, etc.). Doctors in such cases usually recommend avoiding any severe physical activity.
By the way, you can see it in a previously published post. There you will also see a photo of Robert Pershing Wadlow, who is officially the tallest man in the world with a height of 272 cm, an arm span of 288 cm, and a weight of approximately 223 kg. There is an opinion that Fyodor Makhnov was still 13 centimeters taller than Robert. The height of the giant peasant from Belarus was 2 meters 85 cm. Since this fact was not officially recorded, plus many people doubted the giant’s height, the title and record were recognized for Wadlow.
Interesting facts: the Kets (indigenous inhabitants of Siberia, live on the banks of the greatest river Yenisei) are recognized as a people with average, but at the same time the smallest height. They have an average height of 1 meter 40 cm, and those with a height of about 155 cm are considered tall.
In China, back in 1936, they discovered a village where 800 people lived; the men and women there were about 1 meter 20 cm tall.
The people of the Onge tribe, living in the Indian Ocean on the Andaman Islands, are recognized as the shortest in the entire history of mankind. At the moment, this nationality is small (about a hundred people, it is not known exactly). They claim that their extinction was influenced by alcohol; they began to abuse this drug heavily.
The short people of the Mbuti tribe are called "people with a fist." Mbuti women are around 120-130cm tall and men around 140cm.
In 1970, a tribe of dwarfs was found on the border of Brazil and Peru; its representatives were no higher than 1 meter 5 cm.
The African continent became the home of the Sari tribe, men of average height are 1 meter 82 cm. In another tribe, the Tutsi (a tall ethnic group), the height of all men is about the same 1 meter 85 cm.
So there have always been short and tall people here, depending on your luck. On the European continent, the tallest people are the Swedes, Norwegians, Scots, Danes and Montenegrins.
Below are 36 photos of tall and short people from around the world.
How often do we think that it would be very nice if we could make an impression on people from the first contact, somehow influence them. But this does not always work out, if at all. We can start digging into ourselves, looking for dozens of reasons why people don’t think about us the way we would like, and the first impression we make leaves much to be desired. And, oddly enough, we will find these reasons. But is it worth engaging in scrupulous self-analysis, because the reason may lie in the simplest thing - in our voice.
Almost everyone today has heard at least once in their life that having a deeper voice is much better than being the owner of a thin, squeaky voice. Fact is fact, but why? Not many people know the answer to this question, let alone how to even lower their voice, if necessary.
Why do you need a low voice?
As a rule, a person with a low voice is intuitively perceived by people around him as someone who has authority, is self-confident, self-sufficient, and is able to stand up for himself and his loved ones. A low voice is a sign of self-control and poise, as well as advance or opponent's sympathy and trust.
The image presented, as well as the sound of a low voice, are always very effective: they work great, for example, when you need to impress a member of the opposite sex, or when you need to quickly win over potential business partners and make them listen to you and trust what you say.
There are also frequent situations when, on the eve of an important speech in public, a conversation with superiors or negotiations, a person realizes that his voice, as they say now, is “inaudible,” or every now and then wheezes, twitches, trembles, etc. This is not good, because a high-pitched squeaking voice in no way corresponds to the image of a confident person, a leader and someone who should be listened to and respected. This is another reason why you should learn how to control your vocal cords.
And it is even possible that you are not at all aware of the fact that your voice, which seems most pleasant and velvety to you, actually sounds completely different from what you imagine. This can be established by, for example, audio recording. Each person has a different perception, and some may think that their voice sounds lower in the recording, while others may think that their voice is higher. However, both of these sounds are a clear representation of your voice.
The process of voice formation and perception is quite complex. And, for example, professional and speech therapist Nelson Vaughan explains it as follows: when a person listens to his voice, he perceives it only through his ears. He hears the sound waves that propagate inside him through the liquid that fills his internal organs. But sound propagates through air differently than in dense tissue or liquid. And this difference is correlated with almost the entire spectrum of tones perceived by a person. For this reason, people do not hear what we can hear.
And, ultimately, the topic of lowering your voice will be useful to everyone who stutters, no matter: always or during times of stress. Professor and Doctor of Medical Sciences I. A. Sikorsky says in this regard that slow speech in a low voice serves as a preventative for stuttering, and is capable of giving the speaker a tone of self-control, authority and importance.
From all of the above, we can conclude that lowering the voice is extremely useful and effective for almost any person who does not have a deep voice. But how can we lower our voice?
To do this, you need to resort to the following exercises.
Exercises to lower your voice
When talking about exercises to lower the voice, it should be explained that the lower the larynx is, the lower the voice becomes. The striated muscles located in the front of the neck are responsible for the movement of the larynx. And these muscles are quite easy to learn to control with the help of certain exercises. The main condition here is persistence and regularity.
Exercise "Bass Head"
If you pay attention, for example, to a person singing in a bass voice, you will notice that his head is raised high, but at the same time is slightly tilted, as if he is trying to hold some object with his chin or is playing a violin that is visible only to himself. This position engages those muscle groups that pull the larynx in the “down” direction.
Try to do the same, always remembering that the larynx should be directed downward. This rotation, together with its lower position, will lower your voice as much as possible.
Exercise "Yawn"
To perform this exercise, you need to feel the larynx and make a yawn, trying to feel how the larynx descends. This exercise affects every vocal organ: tongue, larynx, soft palate and pharynx.
Exercise “Blast wave”
The exercise begins with a growl on the lowest note. Gradually it should develop into the highest note you can hit, and then in the same way you should descend again to the lowest note you hit at the beginning.
There should be several such approaches. Having warmed up like this, you will immediately feel that your voice seems to have reappeared, its sound has become more expressive and brighter, and it has become easier to speak.
Exercise with the sound “I”
Take the starting position: standing or sitting. Do a downward tilt of your head so that your chin is tucked toward your chest, as in “Bass Head,” and then make the lowest “I” sound. After this, slowly raise your head up as far as it will go, trying to fix the pitch of the sound.
At first, keeping the sound “I” fixed will be problematic, and its pitch will gradually increase as the head rises up. This is an indication that your ligaments are tight and your larynx is shortening. Perform the exercise several times a day until the pitch of the sound becomes even in any position of the head. Achieving this result can be considered a complete relief of spasm of the vocal cords.
These exercises should be enough, but I would like to give a few more important tips.
Tip one: try to control the pace of your speech as often as possible. Remember that the faster your speech, the more tense your vocal cords are, which means your voice is higher. A person's voice is often compared to a vinyl record - when you slow down its rotation with your hand, the sound becomes lower. And if you deliberately lower your voice tone, your speech will become at least 10% slower.
Tip two: scientists have proven that inhaling through the nose helps lower the voice, because. the flow of air that passes through the nasal passages neutralizes reflexive emotional stress. However, the correct rotation of the larynx and its low position are preserved. So, inhale through your nose.
Tip three: a low voice is very closely related to correct posture. If you are trying to lower your voice, you will simply be forced to work with your spine - your posture should be straight, but not tense. And here’s another thing: brain activity also depends on the correct position of the spine - this was confirmed using an electroencephalogram. It has been noted that people who have correct posture and a low, deep voice not only create the appearance of their self-sufficiency and confidence - this is exactly how they are in life.
Tip four: everything is banal here - ! Strangely, the voice of a well-rested person is lower. The trick here is that sleep relaxes the vocal apparatus, thereby providing all the benefits of a low voice. That's it!
But don’t think that people with high-pitched voices are somehow worse than others. In reality, everything can be different: just as a person with a low voice can experience self-doubt, so a person with a high voice can amaze with their confidence and strength. The voice isn't as important as the substance, isn't it? However, no one has yet canceled subconscious perception.
Remember that you need to develop comprehensively: grow as a person, learn new things, develop self-confidence and, of course, learn to manage yourself, including your vocal cords.
Communication with them is reminiscent of trying to hug a hedgehog - no matter which side you approach, you will still get pricked. Sometimes we are forced to communicate with them on a daily basis and hope that they will be kinder to us. But “difficult” people are sometimes incapable of empathy and compassion. They satisfy their own needs at the expense of others. What should we do if communication with them cannot be avoided? Family therapist Claire Dorotik-Nana offers five practical tips.
1. Speak clearly and confidently
Cactus people prefer communication that is not completely clear. Why? This gives them the opportunity to find an excuse: “You didn’t directly say that I need to come here at 10 am. I didn't know you needed this. You didn't tell me."
Difficult people like to pass responsibility onto others, and if you don't speak to them as clearly as possible, they will always be able to pretend that they just don't understand what you need.
2. Set limits
Restrictions and personal boundaries are the most important part of any healthy relationship, they play the role of the foundation on which equality and reciprocity of these relationships are built. Since “difficult” people try to avoid directness and clarity in communication, they need to make it as clear as possible where these boundaries lie.
By making it clear what you expect from them, what they can expect from you, and where you draw the line between what is acceptable and what is not, you can ensure that your interactions with them do not threaten your well-being.
3. Know when to back off.
“Heavy” people may be different, but they are all prone to manipulation and love to take revenge. Often we instinctively want to “hit them back” when we see their cruelty and heartlessness. In fact, this will only make things worse. Why? They don't need to resolve the conflict at all. They want revenge. They start quarrels and scandals specifically to hurt you. To protect yourself, it is important to recognize their true intentions in time and simply walk away from communication.
4. Prepare escape routes
“Heavy” people want to manipulate you, control you. You are a means to them to get something they may need. They may be satisfying their need for power or their need to be admired. But when their behavior begins to threaten your well-being, it is advisable to have a plausible excuse ready to quickly leave.
You need to pick up your child from school. You have an important meeting. You need to have time to run to the store and buy something for dinner. No matter what explanation you come up with, it is important to prepare it in advance.
5. Do what you love
Communication with “thorns” leaves an unpleasant aftertaste. You are deliberately made to doubt yourself and feel insignificant and unworthy of love and respect. Often there is a feeling of some incompleteness, because of which you are again drawn to meet with manipulators.
“People who say they care about me cannot wish me harm. Surely they didn’t really want to hurt me,” you think. You may be convinced that what you love is bad for you. However, if you continue to associate with those who manipulate you in this way, you provoke them even more.
