Sometimes it is very difficult to open up to another person about your feelings for him. Most often, the reason for this is the fear of ridicule and misunderstanding. But putting off explanations is not the best solution, because sooner or later it will become impossible to hide your desires and intentions.
Why do you need to confess your love at all?
This is a very serious step, because we understand perfectly well that after this recognition the relationship will develop differently. And we are tormented by fears, what if we are not ready for a serious union? Therefore, before declaring your love, you need to understand exactly. What we want and how we see future relationships. It may be useful to know for sure. Do we really love the person? All these points can organize you and start a conversation about love. But maybe you just have wounded pride and a desire to manipulate another person? In this case, you should not admit your feelings. And it happens that this is the only way to find a loved one, then this recognition should not be postponed.
If you are very afraid of a frank conversation, then first analyze your girlfriend’s behavior so as not to run into refusal. Have a romantic dinner at a restaurant and give flowers. If she accepts all this with great pleasure, then she is not at all against the continuation of your relationship and, most likely, expects recognition from you. As a rule, girls themselves guess about your feelings, so your words will only strengthen the relationship, and therefore the conversation will not be scary, but very pleasant. But it may also be that the girl has no idea what is going on in your soul. Then the conversation is unlikely to be simple. But, nevertheless, you need to start with courtship, and only then move on to a difficult explanation. Of course, such frankness, which may be unexpected for a girl, is not always romantic and pleasant. It’s always better to be patient and courteous, so that the girl herself begins to guess about your intentions. Perhaps she herself will ask a leading question or hint that she doesn’t mind hearing from you, here it will be easier to confess your love, the main thing is not to back down.
The prevailing stereotypes require active action from young men. And the girl is destined only for waiting. Currently this is not necessary at all. If you see that your boyfriend is exhausted trying to confess, then you can start a sensitive conversation yourself. What if you fall in love, but the object of your passion doesn’t pay attention to you at all? Confessing your love will still be the best way out! Even a negative result is a result, at least you will understand that this person does not need your love and there is no need to build castles in the air! If it’s very uncomfortable and scary, you can use the epistolary genre, but it’s better to make sure that they won’t laugh at you later. If there are doubts about the nobility of the object, then it is better to leave this idea.
How to overcome fears?
A declaration of love is not only an emotional impulse, but also an act that requires courage and responsibility. To overcome all fears, think it over again, because such recognition is always transparent and makes your sincerity visible.
Start by creating the appropriate environment, don’t try to invent anything, your heart itself will tell you how to act. Try not to worry! Think through the refusal situation to save face. Understand that this is not the end of the world and life goes on!
At first glance, this seems unthinkable and impossible: modern people are afraid to love! After all, this feeling is associated with happiness, with something kind and bright, with nobility, selflessness, a willingness to share the best... Where does the fear of love come from?
Despite the fact that this feeling has been glorified for thousands of years, that people have been dreaming about it, there are many who are ready to admit: “I’m afraid to love.” Today this trend is only gaining momentum. What is the reason that people are afraid to trust, to let someone into their hearts?
This kind of fear of love is quite common. Many people have gotten it into their heads that if they love someone deeply and sincerely, they will become vulnerable and lose, that they will be persecuted, humiliated, emotionally hurt, that they will be taken advantage of... Some people wait for feelings, are not afraid to meet them, but at the same time, unfortunately, they themselves are not able to give and demonstrate them to someone. Instead, they prefer to watch other people's efforts to win them over.
Fear of love: echoes of stereotypes
This kind of thinking, which results in fear of love, is the result of a passing era. “Achieve someone’s love”, “Win love”, “Fight for love” - feelings are spoken of as a battlefield on which you will have to fight fiercely for someone’s affection. It is noteworthy that all these attitudes are still alive for a whole generation of people raised on theories about success, struggle, competition and the value of independence, which, meanwhile, ends in emotional loneliness.
Why are some people afraid to love? Because they believe: the one who is the first to confess to another in a special relationship, dooms himself to a lack of reciprocity and even sharp rejection. Well, with such a philosophy, it is really better not to confess your love to anyone and even to hide it - in order to be able to continue to cherish false ideas about your superiority, independence, strength and ability to control yourself. Psychologists advise: “Don’t be afraid to say “I love”: recognition can open the door to a completely different – happy life.
“I’m afraid to love out of pride,” or False dignity
People are obsessed with their pride and self-esteem. They think that admitting their feelings can humiliate them, they are afraid of sincere confessions and try to limit them to a minimum. What could be the consequence of the situation “I love you, but I’m afraid to admit it” – both the chosen one and yourself”? The loved one is confused and may think that they are indifferent to him, that there is no hope for reciprocity, and will have to retreat.
False theories about love misinterpret the devotion of one person to another. It is equated to self-denial, self-sacrifice, loss of self-dignity, chances of realizing one’s own goals and rights. Many promising relationships fall apart only because the partners lacked sincere confidence in their love for each other. There are also those who, out of false pride - just in case - deliberately hurt their loved one, denying their feelings and not giving any hope for reciprocity. They are seized by panic, and they prefer to avoid the very thought that they really loved someone, because false dignity prohibits loving and demonstrating love! Because of this, people break up, although they sincerely love each other. Such situations happen all the time.
Love = suffering?
In fact, fear of love stems not only from a false understanding of honor and personal dignity. People have been instilled with the idea (often parents are to blame for this, without realizing it) that love only means suffering, humiliation, loss, that it despises weakness and cannot withstand poverty. For example, a man is afraid of love because he considers himself unable to provide for the material needs of his chosen one. Women are often afraid of emerging feelings because they feel insufficiently confident in themselves, they worry that their lover will consider them not beautiful, interesting, educated enough, which means mental suffering is guaranteed! This approach is very effective in scaring away tender feelings. People, instead of analyzing the nature of their “Why am I afraid to love and trust?”, prefer to abandon it altogether: it is easier than dooming themselves to strong experiences. So it turns out that both men and women are afraid to even think about love, they recognize it as a mistake or deception, and it is very difficult to overcome the fear of it.
The prejudice that love is a source of suffering leads us to become overly attentive, expecting a blow from a loved one. Sometimes it seems to us that our partner not only doesn’t love us, but is deliberately tormenting us for some purpose. Therefore, every little thing grows into a big problem. It is enough that a man does not immediately respond to a request to take out the trash or ask for some kind of favor for us to begin to believe that he is using us.
Hello readers, I decided to write an article on the topic declarations of love. Why are we afraid to talk about our feelings? What prevents us from being happy, and how to overcome it?
What seems complicated about the phrase “I love you” is, at first glance, nothing. But telling it to a truly loved one is not so easy. If you love, then naturally you are afraid of losing him, and the fear of this loss causes us to fear the unknown.
Every person wants to love and be loved, but overcoming the fear of rejection is very difficult. Because of this, many people remain lonely because they once lacked the courage confess your love. They were afraid of a negative reaction to their words.
Because of this problem, I myself suffered (I wrote about it in the article). I just didn’t have the courage, it seemed that it would be better for me to communicate and meet with her as a friend than to lose her forever, although later I regretted my indecisiveness.
When you experience some feelings for a person, for some reason the ease of communication disappears, you are afraid of saying or doing something wrong, and this greatly interferes. And if you are indifferent to a person, such discomfort in communication does not arise, and you behave absolutely naturally.
You need to learn to overcome this fear, it’s better to know the truth, even if it’s bitter, than to reproach yourself all your life for the unused opportunity to be happy. After all, just imagine if your feelings are mutual, but no one can take the first step because they doubt the mutual feelings of their other half. How disappointing it will be to find out about this later, how much time will be lost.
I understand the indecisiveness of girls who, due to their upbringing or for other reasons, are not used to talking about their feelings and expect this from their lovers. He's a man and the stronger sex, that's why he should first to confess your love and achieve reciprocity, but it does not always happen as expected.
The times of knights are gone and now the words “I love you” can be easily said only by someone for whom they mean absolutely nothing, who only wants one thing from a girl. Such people are not uncommon now, they do not mince words, they are ready to say anything to achieve their goal.
And, unfortunately, girls believe them, those who promise mountains of gold, but in reality turn out to be ordinary. Because of this, there was a wrong impression about all guys, as if we only need one thing from women, as they say. But this is far from true.
In our time, there are real men who are ready to move mountains for their loved ones. Do everything possible to make your loved one the happiest in the world, but how often this does not happen through our fault, because of indecision and fear of loss. You must definitely try to change and understand once and for all that there is nothing wrong with refusal, of course it hurts, but not like long torment from ignorance loves - doesn't love.
In conclusion, I want to say: if you love someone, you don’t need to hide it, it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, you don’t need to afraid to admit your feelings, because by doing this you make it worse first of all for yourself and deprive yourself of the opportunity to experience real happiness. Best regards.
P.S. New love song for today DFM 2011 – Dance!+ video.
Why is it sometimes so difficult for us to tell another person about our feelings? Most often, we are afraid of rejection or ridicule, in other words, mental pain.
But delaying explanations is also not an option; sooner or later it will become impossible to hide real intentions and desires. So, if you are afraid to confess your love and don’t know what to do , study this material, the author of the article is sure that this article will be useful to you.
- Why do you need to confess your love?
Declaring your love is a serious step. Sometimes what gets in the way of implementing it is the underlying thought that something will need to be done next, to somehow develop the relationship. There are many fears or a feeling that you are not ready for a serious union.
Therefore, before you tell your chosen one about your feelings, you need to understand exactly why you are doing this and what kind of relationship you are seeking. This will help you gather your thoughts and get started. Sometimes it’s not superfluous to understand, in fact.
Maybe we are just talking about wounded pride and the desire to “get” a person. Is it worth declaring your love in this case? It happens that a declaration of love for a young man is the only way, then explanations should not be put off.
- How to prepare for recognition. Advice for young people.
Firstly, if you are afraid of a frank conversation, then you should first see how ready your lover is for it. So you practically do not risk running into refusal. Invite your friend to a restaurant, give her flowers. If she accepts all these signs of attention with pleasure, it means that she clearly does not mind continuing the relationship and is waiting for recognition from you. Usually, girls themselves can guess what’s on a guy’s mind, so in most cases, your words are just a way to consolidate the relationship at a certain level, and there’s nothing wrong with such a conversation.
It’s another matter if, and she doesn’t even suspect about the storm in your soul. Then, perhaps, the conversation ahead will be difficult. In any case, you need to act gradually, starting with courtship and flirting, and only then move on to recognition.
Frankness, which falls out of the blue on another person, is not always pleasant. It’s better if the girl starts to guess about your feelings, and perhaps asks a question herself or hints that she doesn’t mind making your relationship closer.
- Especially for girls:
They are such that young people are usually required to take active action, and the girl must wait until her lover decides to take the first step. In fact, it is not at all necessary to do this. If you see that it is literally written on a young man’s face: “... I’m afraid to confess my love, what should I do?”, then you can help him with this by starting a frank conversation.
Also, if you're desperately in love with a guy and he's not paying attention to you, you can also confess your feelings. Even if you get, as they say, a turnaround, it will be better than dreaming about a person who doesn’t need you. If you are very scared, then it is better to write a confession and send it to him, for example, by mail. However, in order not to receive mental trauma for life, it is advisable to understand what kind of person your beloved is. Will he use your frankness to make fun of him? There is no need to rush headlong into a dubious adventure; first try to look at the guy soberly.
Are you afraid to confess your love? What can be done? How to overcome fears?
A declaration of love, contrary to popular belief, is a very balanced act, and it is not always the result of an emotional outburst. Such frankness requires courage and responsibility. To confess your love, you need to weigh all the pros and cons. A person who hears a declaration of love can always understand whether it is sincere or not.
So, if you don’t know what to do and are afraid to confess your love, start by preparing the ground, try to see what feelings your chosen one is experiencing. Create the appropriate environment. It can be anything, the main thing is that you feel comfortable. Perhaps your desire hinders you and adds to your anxiety. There is no need to invent anything. The heart itself will tell you the right words and actions.
Be sure to think over the situation with refusal if your chosen one or chosen one says that he does not share your feelings. Try to replay this scene in your head several times to understand that the end of the world will not happen, and life will go on. And, of course, determine what you expect from your relationship. Will they be permanent, or is it just fun for you? By uttering words of love, you are making a promise that people will expect you to fulfill.
How to confess your love to a girl if you are afraid? You have a serious problem. Why? Because declaring your love from scratch will doom your potential relationship to failure. Confession will destroy all chances of further development of the relationship with the girl. The subconscious is now telling you - don’t admit it, don’t do it! That’s why there is a fear that the girl will misinterpret your words, ignore you and not reciprocate.
Before you confess your love to a girl, you need to get her. She needs to dream of hearing these words. And now she absolutely does not care about you and your confessions - admit it and you will be convinced of this. Until the two of you come to bed together, don’t even think about uttering words of love - you’ll ruin everything and be abandoned. This is the fatal mistake most guys make. Do successful guys among women ever confess their love first? NO! They force girls to love and confess on their own. And only after that, in response, they can say the cherished words of love.
Psychologists agree that romantic experience plays a huge role in seducing a girl. That is why some men who have had many girls feel confident surrounded by lovely ladies, while others, on the contrary, are not too confident in themselves and are particularly complex. It is much easier for a seductive guy who is completely relaxed to get a girl into bed and confess his love to her. And it's not scary at all. And the experience of communicating with girls helps them in this. A man with experience can always improvise - he knows in advance what and in what form the girl wants to hear from him. Quite often, such guys follow the same pattern, which is used as the main technique to win the heart of a girl. For each guy, this template is individual and is quickly developed through trial and error, that is, practice and experience.
How should an inexperienced, modest guy who is specifically in love and wants to confess his love to the girl he likes act? First of all, start communicating with girls as much as possible. Even if you completely screw up, it doesn’t matter. Experience is important. Be afraid, but approach, with each new approach to a girl (at school, at university, at work, on the street, in a store) it will be less scary. Destroy your excessive modesty, shyness and uncertainty. Having all these qualities with you, you initially look like a rag in the eyes of your chosen one, NOT a MAN, but a rag. Your inexperience and embarrassment will always be expressed in an absurd phrase that is inappropriate at the moment, in a tasteless gift, in silence or some other stupidity. Girls can smell complexed loser guys a mile away and prefer not to have anything serious with such boyfriends. Before attacking the girl you like, practice on others. Or your attempt is doomed to failure.
Girls, unlike guys, just need to have an attractive appearance, some mystery and charm. But for us, everything is different. Gorgeous external data plays only a small role. Male charisma and a strong core, character, as well as difficulty in approaching - this is your arsenal. Fight your complexes, work on your voice, always feel free, remove stiffness.
Give the girl emotions so that she doesn’t want “something new” + use kinesthetics (touch) and limiting meetings (be the first to say on a walk that it’s time for you). At the end of the walk, hug or kiss on the cheek or lips, whichever you prefer and leave as if nothing happened. Try to be not a romantic idiot for her, but just a good friend, this is a more effective model of behavior - so that she wants more. Don't give compliments or gifts - let her do it for you. If you do not listen to our recommendations, then communicating with the lady of your heart will only bring you disappointment and a lot of negative emotions. If you listen, you will be happy, good luck :)
