The problem of alcoholism in our country is of global proportions. Most of those people who are susceptible to this disease run in families. By acquiring a harmful addiction, they harm not only their health, but also turn the life of their relatives into a nightmare. Sometimes loved ones do not know what to do and how to behave with an alcoholic in order to wean him from drinking. Psychologists recommend adhering to special tactics that will help maintain your own nerves and enable the addicted person to realize his behavior.

Our country has a fairly high level of ethanol consumption per capita. Many people drink beer after work or on weekends, but they do not consider themselves alcoholics. Where is the line between severe addiction and harmless drinking? To understand the problem, the differences need to be clearly defined.

Alcoholism is defined by doctors as a severe mental illness of a chronic nature. Its main features are:

• the presence of dependence syndrome (a person experiences a strong need for alcohol, not having the strength to refuse the dose);
• drinking alcohol is of a binge nature;
• there is a regular increase in the number of drinks consumed;
• there are memory lapses;
• when sober, the patient is predominantly in a depressed state;
• At a late stage of the disease, withdrawal syndrome appears - a complex of physical and mental disorders.

In the final stages of pathology, a person completely degrades, sinking lower and lower. By this time, he develops a lot of diseases due to constant ethanol poisoning.

There is such a thing as casual drunkenness, which is expressed in drinking alcohol in small quantities. It can be regular (in certain periods you drink every day), but there are no signs of alcoholism. That is, there is no constant increase in the dose of alcohol.

A person drinks to relax or cheer up. He doesn't go on a binge. If necessary, he is able to refuse to drink strong drinks. He has priorities and life values ​​that he places higher than drinking alcohol.

Experts define everyday drunkenness as a bad habit that a person is able to control. At the same time, he lives a normal life, takes care of his family and other daily activities. He does not experience any serious health problems.

Domestic drunkenness is considered a condition preceding the first stage of alcoholism. It cannot be considered a completely harmless habit.

How to recognize an alcoholic

The disease can be latent, that is, hidden. It has been established that people with a low level of development become drunkards much faster than those who are higher than them on the social ladder. A person with high intelligence may try to hide his addiction until the last moment, masking it with various excuses.

There are a number of signs to recognize an alcoholic. Ethanol, entering the body in large quantities, causes disturbances in the functioning of the brain. As a result, a person’s psyche changes. He begins to think differently, and the value system collapses.

The person becomes asocial and stops paying attention to relatives. Unable to carry out daily duties, the bottle is always put above all other interests. You may notice the following changes in the behavior of an alcoholic:

• indifference to loved ones, indifference to their problems;
• tactlessness, rude treatment of others;
• constant lies to justify your drunkenness;
• posturing, exaggeration of invented advantages;
• sloppiness in appearance.
• the mentality also changes, which is expressed in conditions such as depression, depressed mood;
• apathy, complete lack of interest in any events;
• loss of life values.

The patient's memory deteriorates and he often cannot recall recent events. There is a decrease in intelligence, the ability to establish cause-and-effect relationships is lost.

If you notice such signs in a loved one, you should seek advice from a specialist. The disease is much easier to treat at an early stage, before it progresses to a more severe phase.

Influence on others

A person addicted to alcohol seriously complicates the life of his relatives. Many women know firsthand how difficult it is to live with an alcoholic in the same apartment. People who become violent when drunk, regularly create scandals, and may raise their hands against members of their family.

Against this background, the drunkard’s relatives develop nervous disorders and psychoses. Children suffer even more than adults. They see their family crumbling before their eyes, unable to resist it. The child lives in a state of constant stress, begins to study poorly, and becomes angry. It has been proven that the vast majority of children of alcoholics themselves acquire this disease in the future. Therefore, a dependent person also ruins the life of his child.

Women often blame themselves for what is happening and try to turn the situation around. By creating scandals, they only make the situation worse. There are often cases when a spouse starts drinking with an alcoholic so that he gets less alcohol. As a result, both become dependent.

Is it worth continuing to live with an alcoholic?

When the situation in the family becomes unbearable, a woman feels hopeless. Many people begin to wonder: should they live with an alcoholic? Most people want to save a loved one and force him to stop drinking. Relatives may spend years looking for ways to return the patient to normal life.

Sometimes persuasion helps, a person goes to a clinic or agrees to be coded, but then breaks down. Meanwhile, time passes, but the situation does not change. The result is wasted energy and money.

Psychotherapists give the following advice: if a person has no desire to be treated, then you need to part with him. As a rule, alcoholics do not admit that they are sick and do not see a problem in drinking. They don't realize how much they make life difficult for those around them.

It is almost impossible to persuade such a person to go to therapy. His husband would only be wasting his time. If there is a child in the family, then you need to take into account that his psyche is subject to destruction. Children adopt the behavior model of their parents, so with a high degree of probability he will grow up to be another alcoholic.

A woman needs to make a decision to improve her own life. You should not blame yourself for the misfortunes of others. If it is impossible to convince your husband to stop drinking, there is no point in suffering with him.

How to behave

Due to the fact that the disease is psychological in nature, people dependent on ethanol always exhibit communication impairments. Incorrect behavior on the part of relatives can cause aggression, hysterics, or even suicide attempts. Experts have established how to talk to an alcoholic so as not to provoke him to such actions.

It is necessary to make it clear to the patient that his loved ones are nearby and are always ready to help him. But this should not be done intrusively. If the husband is a binge alcoholic, the psychologist’s advice consists of the following points:

• Never try to talk to your spouse if he is drunk. This will lead to nothing, you will only waste your nerves;
• You should not argue or argue with him;
• There is no need to reproach a person, scold or shout at him;
• Never threaten or make promises that you cannot keep. If you say that you will leave, but do not do it, the husband will be sure that his wife will not leave him;
• You cannot hide or pour out alcohol, this will lead to unnecessary aggression;
• Don't try to persuade an alcoholic to stay if he leaves;

If the husband is a chronic alcoholic, it is necessary to realize the gravity of the situation. Most likely, he will not be persuaded to go to therapy. It is worth considering sending him forcibly for treatment.

What to do if your son or daughter is an alcoholic:

• The very fact of dependence must be recognized;
• You shouldn't patronize him. An adult must take responsibility for his life;
• Don't threaten to break off your relationship with him. Perhaps you are the only one who can understand it;
• It is necessary to limit his access to money and existing valuables;
• You should not babysit him, do something for him (clean his apartment, wash things, etc.);
• Try to talk to him when he is sober and convince him that he is ruining his life.

In the event that a wife has become dependent on alcoholic beverages, psychologists give the following advice:

• you need to protect her from visiting places where she can drink strong drinks;

• try to cut off contacts with friends who abuse alcohol;
• you cannot give in to persuasion and start drinking with her;
• you should pay more attention to your spouse, surround her with care;
• you need to limit it financially so that there is no temptation to buy booze;
• You should not keep wine and other alcoholic drinks at home.

How to help a loved one

If there is hope that a person can change, you need to try to return him to normal life. Below is a list of ways to help your loved one:

• you need to give him maximum attention, not leave him alone;
• show your loved one how important he is to you and the whole family;
• start talking about treatment only when sober;
• there is no need to feel sorry for him, let him realize that he is to blame for the suffering of his relatives;
• Go with him to a consultation with a psychotherapist.

You should not try to fight the disease secretly from the alcoholic. If he finds out about this, it will hurt the situation even more. He will begin to think that he cannot trust anyone, which will make his depression worse. The main help is to support the patient during the sober period and try to create a positive attitude, and not scold him for drinking.

Video on topic

Just don't engage in conversation with such people.

Unable to fully control their own actions, they are always looking for a way to assert themselves, including in the “conversational genre.”

They need someone who can carry on the conversation at least a little bit. So it all depends on you.

★★★★★★★★★★

How to talk to a drunk person so that he gets loose?

It is better not to talk to a drunk person at all. He is in a state where he enjoys any interaction with people. They scold him, insult him, humiliate him, praise him. No matter how you talk to him, he will feel good in any case.

Therefore, at the initial stage it is best not to engage in conversation. If a drunk comes up to you with a question, turn around, pretend you didn’t hear him and move on. If you couldn’t avoid the conversation, then sharply say, “I don’t have time!” and get out of the drunk person's sight. There is no need to answer his questions. Without receiving a response, you will become uninteresting to the drunk and he will go looking for another person with whom he can talk.

The best way to get rid of a drunk person is to ignore him.

★★★★★★★★★★

How to talk to drunk people?

The best way to see such a person from afar is to go to another street or go around. And if he does talk to you, pretend you don’t hear him. And if you send it, then no one knows what the response will be. Although if you are a strong and courageous person and can fight back with force, then the matter will not end with the police. “Good people” will always be found as witnesses.

It is better not to meet or talk to such people at all, unless such people really need help!

In order for a drunk person to get rid of you, you need to talk to him absolutely calmly, without, if possible, showing any fear, disgust (contempt), or aggression. Remain outwardly friendly and calm. If contact cannot be avoided, make contact.

Remember that a drunk's reaction is unpredictable. It is important for a drunk to understand that you are taking him seriously and not neglecting him. Be polite. In transport, if a drunk person sits next to you and starts a conversation, apologize and say that you will be leaving soon (but not right away!). And get out. On the street, you can make an excuse by turning the conversation to an everyday topic that is close and understandable to everyone. For example: I went outside for five minutes (to the store, to the post office, etc.) and if I was late, my wife would start a scandal at home (and the “limit” had already been exceeded, so I had to hurry). If a drunk person invites you to have a drink with him, say that you already drank today and will go to work tomorrow - you don’t want to interfere or lower the temperature. Etc.

It’s good to apologize again at the end of the conversation to be convincing, throw up your hands and say goodbye.
It is better for drunk and inappropriate people to play along a little rather than stick to their line.

★★★★★★★★★★

It is not so difficult to get rid of a drunk person if he behaves more or less adequately and does not become violent.

As the previous consultant correctly noted, if you do not react at all to a drunk person’s attempts to start a conversation, this can sometimes cause an unpredictable reaction. But if you respond politely in a language unknown to him, he will quickly lose interest in you and go looking for communication with others.

By the way, knowledge of foreign languages ​​is a great help if you need to quickly get rid of not only a drunk person.

Unfortunately, no methods work if a person is in that stage of intoxication when he no longer distinguishes what language is spoken to him...

Drinking causes problems not only for the alcoholic himself, but also for all his close people. We often hear that children and wives complain about the rude treatment of a drunken husband and father, including assault. This behavior becomes a serious problem in the family. Many people don't know how to calm down a drunk and aggressive loved one. Let's look at the main ways to solve this problem.

Communicating with an angry drunk person is very difficult. One part of people tries to counteract aggression with a similar reaction, while the other remains calm and tries by all means to avoid the conflict. The second option is usually the most effective. A good-natured attitude can contribute to the realization of the mistake, and the alcoholic will understand that there is no reason for a quarrel and will stop being angry. Entering into a conflict with him will most likely lead to the fact that his anger and aggression will intensify and the drunk person will go on to attack.

If the behavior of a drunken person becomes critically dangerous, he begins to hit, picks up a knife and tries to kill, then you need to run away. This will be the most reasonable way out of the situation. Escape will save life and health. If, despite this, a person is able to hear what is being said to him and understand the meaning of what was said, you need to try to set him up positively. Try to understand why he behaves this way and what caused the anger. Perhaps after he expresses his feelings, relief will come and the anger will pass.

During the conversation, remain calm and do not allow your voice to rise. Make eye contact with the person. If he is standing, then you need to stand, if he is sitting, then you need to sit next to him. Make an internal assumption for yourself that the situation is under control, and the correct good-natured behavior will calm the drunk person. Try your best to control your excitement; for this you can take sedatives. It is worth soberly assessing the situation and understanding that responding with anger will only make the situation worse.

Dangerous methods of restraint

Dealing with a drunk and aggressive man is not an easy task. It is impossible to condemn wives who resort to the use of sedatives. In a state of despair, many people, especially those without medical knowledge, are unable to assess the danger of their actions. While adhering to the principle that all means are good. Of course, if the husband drinks and hits every day, then the upset wife is ready to use every opportunity to calm him down.

Having listened to the advice of friends and acquaintances, many women add medicinal sedatives to their men's food. At the same time, they do not realize that they can provoke the development of serious complications that can lead to death. It is not difficult to understand why it is dangerous to use medications without consulting a doctor. To do this, you just need to know that the interaction of alcohol and sedatives, which are most often psychotropic, enhances each other’s effects. As a result of such mixing, significant harm is caused to the human body.

Another dangerous way to calm an aggressive man is to use physical force. The danger is that using your own strength and improvised means to subdue a drunk person usually causes even greater aggression.

While intoxicated, a person is capable of killing his offender. In addition, you need to understand that if today you managed to calm a person down by using force, then it is not a fact that tomorrow he will not write a statement about the beatings to the police. Most often, law enforcement agencies are tolerant of such incidents and do not seriously punish the spouse of an alcoholic. But it will still leave its mark on the nervous system.

Seek outside help

If independent attempts to calm an aggressive person who is intoxicated are unsuccessful, then you should seek outside help. An effective way to pacify a violent man is to call the police. Representatives of law enforcement agencies have the necessary experience in solving such problems and have the legal right to do so. While waiting for the police to arrive, you can take independent measures to calm the person down.

1. Promise an aggressive man that after he calms down, all his demands will be met.
2. Offer to drink a little more alcohol. The method is dubious and risky, but while drinking alcohol, the embittered man will be distracted, which will allow him to gain time before the police arrive.
3. As a sobering agent, you can use water with a few drops of ammonia. The difficulty is that in a fit of anger and anger it is difficult to give something calming to drink.
4. Try to talk calmly and distract with some pleasant memory. Give an example of a day from when he achieved success and praise him for it. Perhaps an adult man will feel ashamed that he has ceased to be successful after drinking alcohol. This will allow you to delay time.

The choice of each method for calming a man who is intoxicated should be chosen based on the personal experience, character and behavior of the drinking person. Close people understand most clearly how an alcoholic will behave after some statement or action directed towards him. Relatives of alcoholics encounter problems of this kind more than once, and there are cases where such behavior is repeated day after day.

Alcohol addiction and its consequences are treated by narcologists and psychiatrists. Based on their medical practice, they can draw conclusions about how people's behavior changes after drinking alcohol. In addition, based on the recommendations of specialists, you can find out which medications and drugs are allowed to be taken with alcohol. Following the advice of specialists will help you avoid unpleasant consequences after improper use of medications.

The first advice that experts give is to avoid conflict. In order to avoid becoming a victim of a drunken, angry man and then having to restore your health, it is best to walk away from the quarrel. If it is known that a person has been drinking for several days and there have already been cases of assault, then you don’t have to return home, thereby avoiding a conflict. It is better to spend one day with relatives or friends than to endure bullying and insults. After the person sobers up, you can safely return home and discuss the possibility of treatment with special medications.

Doctors also strongly recommend not to respond to the aggression of a drunk person, but rather to remain calm and balanced. Reproaches and screaming will aggravate the situation and provoke additional aggression. You need to pretend that nothing special happened and why he behaves this way is absolutely incomprehensible. Of course, each person is individual. How he will behave after the measures taken is unknown. Expert advice is based on generalized data. It is important to seek help from a psychiatrist and other family members. Having studied the current situation, the doctor will individually select medications that stabilize the emotional state.

If a person drinks, beats, leads a riotous lifestyle, and is disrespectful to his family and others, then this is a clear reason for treatment. The above tips will help calm a person down once, maybe twice, but you should understand that this behavior will become a habit and will be repeated systematically after each use of alcohol. It is worth remembering that the use of sedatives and other medications to pacify a violent person is prohibited. The consequences may be unpredictable.

What to do if a person starts pestering you while under the influence of alcohol or drugs? How to behave so as not to aggravate the situation? How to avoid conflict and not harm yourself? Talked to a psychologist Zhanetta Volchek.

ZHANETTA VOLCHEK
psychologist

How does a drunk person's consciousness change?

According to the structure of transactional analysis, human behavior can be assessed from three positions: as an adult, when we are “here and now”; as a parent, when our behavior is similar to the authoritative adult from childhood; like a child, when we behave the same way as in childhood.

What happens when a person drinks alcohol? At first he thinks that he will drink only one drink and stop - that is, he is in a state of a controlling parent. He drinks, the position of the parent weakens in his mind, and the adult remains. One more glass, then another and another - and the adult also falls asleep. The child remains. And when a person lets go of his psyche, his essence appears: some are kind, soft and fluffy, while others have internal blocks that come out and hidden aggression appears. And then it doesn’t matter to him that you are just a passerby on the street, and not his unloved wife or annoying boss - he just needs to take it out on someone and let off steam.

The next morning after drinking, a person wakes up, and the reverse process occurs: he sobers up and returns from a child to the state of an adult, he feels bad “here and now,” he realizes what he did yesterday, and begins to blame himself from the position of a parent.

Is it the same with drugs?

No, this is a slightly different state. A person intoxicated with alcohol is in reality, but a person intoxicated with drugs leaves it. People with drug addiction are more difficult to accept both themselves and the world around them. And if a drunk person usually manifests himself outwardly, then drug intoxication forces him to go inside and plunge into illusions. But it is better to behave the same when meeting such people.

How to behave when confronted with drunk people?

If you see somewhere on the street, or in a crowd, or at a bus stop, a drunk person or a whole group of people who are “tipsy,” then the first thing you need to do is simply walk around. It is better to avoid confrontation with such people. Wait for them to leave. If you are in a hurry and need to pass them, go around on the other side. If the company is noisy, do not get on public transport with it, because if one inadequate person is a small evil, then the whole company is like a nuclear bomb, from which it is not clear what can be expected.

The second rule is that it is better not to communicate with drunk people. If they start telling you something, suddenly making claims, try to evade, but under no circumstances show aggression in response. There is no need to blame a person, to say that he is this and that - this will cause even greater negativity on his part. On the contrary, give him a compliment, say something like: “You are so interesting (smart, mature, handsome, etc.), but you know, I’m in such a hurry, thank you very much, but I can’t help,” and leave. That is, try to smooth out the situation as much as possible and at the same time get rid of this communication as quickly as possible. Show agreement, but not approval - otherwise they will invite you for a drink (laughs).

What to do if drunk people start harassing you in the city or, for example, at a festival?

Try to go to a place where there are a lot of people - and more sober ones. Because some are drunk on others - and you can cause a serious fight. If the person still doesn’t lag behind, shout. Often men are afraid of hysterics, and this will slow them down a little. If there are representatives of law enforcement agencies nearby, that’s generally great, feel free to move towards them.

But here, again, the main rule is to try as much as possible to avoid collisions with people who are under something. Because they are unpredictable, and you never know what to expect from them in the next minute. Often women think that they can talk them out of it, change the conversation to another topic and quietly retreat. But no. It is unknown who you can remind a drunk person in the process of communication, how this will explode his psyche and what kind of aggression it will result in. Therefore, it is better not to talk to drunks and people under the influence of drugs at all.

What if they’re not harassing me, but a girl nearby?

Try to minimize the situation as much as possible. For example, you run up to this girl and shout: “Oh, Lenka, hello! Look what's there! - grab your hand and run away. In this way, you reduce the pressure of the pesters and take the victim to a safer place.

If you see that the situation has already gone far and such actions will not help, look for more adequate people nearby. It is advisable to be in the company of young people, because if the guy is alone, he might give up. Tell her that your friend is being harassed (don’t say it’s a stranger), ask for help while you run for the police. While they go and investigate, you look for law enforcement agencies or send someone after them. With such actions, a big conflict will not flare up, because the sober side will understand that the police will come soon and there will be no arbitrariness or any kind of lynching.

What if they come up to me with a knife in the evening?

It's better to give money and leave. In such a situation, we will not be able to adequately assess the possibility of escaping. If a person has a knife or other dangerous object in his hand, this is already a threat - regardless of whether he intends to use it or not. By screaming and calling for help, you can either save yourself or, conversely, worsen the situation: he will simply stab you, grab your bag and run away. Therefore, it is better not to make any sudden movements, give everything that the attacker wants, and gently step back, get out of the attacker’s field of vision - and their gaze is usually clouded. No need to waste money, documents or other junk. This will all be made up for or even found - no one needs your documents. The person will most likely take the money and throw away the bag with the rest of its contents. It’s better to think that life is more valuable - and you need to save it first of all.

Article reading time: 2 minutes

How to talk to an alcoholic

As you know, alcoholism is a real scourge of modern society. A family in which the husband is an alcoholic is a great misfortune. Moreover, it is a misfortune both for the alcoholic himself and for his family. It is the family - the wife and children - that very often simply lives in hell if the head of the family (if, of course, he can be called that) is an alcoholic. But you shouldn’t sprinkle ashes on your head - anyone can stop drinking, the main thing is that they have the right motivation. Therefore, if you behave correctly with an alcoholic, you can soon count on the fact that he will escape from the ominous embrace of the “green serpent”, and the family will become happy. But how to deal with an alcoholic so that he stops drinking?

To help your alcoholic husband, you need to behave persistently and be patient, only then can you count on the desired result. So how to behave correctly with an alcoholic? We must remember that communicating with an alcoholic will require considerable strength of character. You need to know how to talk to an alcoholic.

How should the wife of an alcoholic behave?

The first thing you should understand is that it is not worth fighting with an alcoholic husband just for his own sake. You need to understand that you should not behave like a nanny with your alcoholic husband. This is exactly how wives of alcoholics often behave, as we know. They begin to take care of him, never tell their friends about his “exploits,” and never reproach the drinking person. The spouses do not want their loved one to drink, and they are ready to do anything for this. Not only do they not want to talk to alcoholics about a very serious problem, they pull them out of taverns and away from drinking buddies. Moreover, wives are ready to take on all the responsibilities - they raise children themselves, run the household, and even earn money. In a word, they do everything to make a man stop drinking. How to behave so that communication with a drinking spouse leads to ridding the family of this terrible problem?

It should be noted that it is impossible to communicate with an alcoholic as a nanny, he will simply very soon begin to take everything for granted, but will not stop drinking. It should be noted that much of the blame for this state of affairs lies with the wives themselves. They begin to consider this state of affairs normal, they think that this is their karma. But if there is an alcoholic in the family, then you need to behave differently, and then everything can be fixed. To communicate with a drunkard, you must always know that you cannot give him permission. If the question arises of how to help your husband, how to live with him so that life is not a nightmare, you need to act tough.

How to deal with a drinking husband?

Those wives who live with drinking husbands need to remember: a person who abuses alcohol must himself understand that his alcoholism is a serious problem. He must understand that vodka interferes with life, and not only for him, but for the whole family. And for him to understand this, it’s time to stop solving his problems for him, let the man decide all the consequences of his drunken adventures himself. For example, if after a binge he needs to come up with something to justify himself to his superiors, then there is no need to help him with this. This really helps effectively. And one more thing - after a binge, you shouldn’t give an alcoholic a hangover, let him suffer. A healthy person who drinks a couple of times a year and needs a bottle of beer in the morning can get a hangover, but not a person for whom the desire to have a hangover can turn into another binge.

If a person does not stop drinking, you should not promise him something that cannot be done, and you should not give empty threats. An alcoholic in a family often behaves like a child, so once you fail to carry out your threats, he will immediately realize that he can continue his lifestyle, and nothing will happen to him for it.

If there is an alcoholic in the family, then the wife will have to completely stop drinking alcohol, otherwise the alcoholic will simply stop perceiving his wife as an authority. Don't speak negatively about alcohol. If your husband has another binge, then there is no need to break dishes or throw tantrums. During a binge, a person sometimes becomes completely inadequate, he just gets very angry and starts drinking again, and then they will blame his wife for bringing him to stress.

Communication with an alcoholic should be such that it is based not on emotions, but on reasoning. Under no circumstances should you succumb to provocations. And when talking with an alcoholic, you need to have a substantive conversation and make it clear that if he breaks down, the most radical measures will be taken. This is exactly how you need to behave with your alcoholic husband so that he finally gives up this addiction. Family life can become normal only when children do not wake up in fear at night when dad returns home after another party.

1. If there is an alcoholic in the family, then you should never, under any circumstances, hide this problem from loved ones and colleagues.
2. If your husband returns home after another binge, then you should not be embarrassed to tell everyone about it. Then he will feel ashamed (there is definitely nothing to be proud of here), and this will be a powerful argument to stop drinking. Better yet, film on your mobile phone what an alcoholic is like during a binge, and then show the video to friends and colleagues. You can only fight a drunk with harsh methods; if he doesn’t want to embarrass himself, he will think several times whether he should continue drinking or whether it’s time to come to his senses.
3. An alcoholic must feel contempt, not only from his wife, but also from his acquaintances and friends. In most cases, it is contempt that is the most terrible thing for every man, so this method is one of the most effective.

Family life with a drunkard should be such that he is never bored.

It is the excess of time, which he does not know what to do with, that often becomes the reason for a new binge. You need not only to know how to talk to your alcoholic husband, but also to keep him busy with something interesting. Just don’t need to impose anything of your own on him. If he has ever been involved in sports, then you need to persuade him to sign up for a gym, but just be sure to attend it with him (by the way, your wife will also get in good shape and health). You can watch football with him (only without beer, which can be replaced with kvass), spend time in the company of his friends who do not drink and will not encourage him to drink.

It should be noted that very often a person can get rid of alcohol addiction if the group of people around him not only does not drink himself, but also despises drunkenness. Being in the company of sober people who cannot stand drunks, it will be much easier for a drinking person to fight with himself.

If all this does not help, you can resort to the most radical method - start comparing your drunkard husband with other men you know who do not abuse alcohol. In most cases, successful, well-earning men drink almost no alcohol. Therefore, when the husband comes home drunk again, you need to calmly say that the other man bought his wife a fur coat and bought himself a car. And all because he does not abuse alcohol. But if this doesn’t help, you can simply tell the drinking spouse that he does not satisfy his wife in bed. Most alcoholics begin to experience problems with potency over time, and what could be worse for a man than his failure in bed? Any alcoholic, having sobered up, will sooner or later understand that his wife, not finding satisfaction with him, will begin to look for satisfaction on the side. And this is often a very significant factor in favor of the husband getting rid of the bottle’s embrace.

Useful information

We must never forget that a spouse can recover from alcohol addiction only with the support of his loved ones. You shouldn’t leave a man after the first drunken spree; with the right behavior, you can make sure that if he drinks, it will be rarely and in small quantities. And a bottle of beer or a glass of good wine will never become the reason for another binge. To communicate with an alcoholic, you need to remember that he must always be under constant control, since there is a possibility that he will break down and everything could start all over again. Therefore, under various pretexts, you should not let him go on a visit alone (if you plan to drink alcohol there, which happens in most cases), you should go together.

If a person has stopped drinking, you should not praise him for it every time. The fact is that a person begins to perceive every day spent without intoxication as a feat, and will count on special treatment for himself. This is the wrong approach; he must get used to the idea that a sober and healthy lifestyle is normal for all people. The sooner he gets used to this idea, the better. So it is possible to fight this terrible evil, and if a person is dear, every effort must be made to pull him out of this terrible abyss, in which so many people have already died. Very soon, a person who once held a glass with both hands will understand that leading a healthy lifestyle is much preferable. Your health will improve and your career will take off.

How to live and behave with a drinking husband?

Everyone knows that alcoholism is a disease that turns a person into a degenerate, weak-willed creature. It is very painful for loved ones to watch the gradual degradation of an alcoholic and suffer because of his aggressive behavior. Therefore, advice from a psychologist explaining how to behave with an alcoholic may be useful for them.

How to distinguish drunkenness from alcoholism

Constant abuse of alcoholic beverages, characterized by binge drinking and hangover syndrome, is a disease. It gradually progresses, the personality of the drinker degrades.

Differences between drunkenness and alcoholism:

What should a wife do if her husband is an alcoholic?

First of all, she must decide for herself whether she wants to continue living together. This takes into account the factors of psychological comfort of everyone living in the house, the danger of becoming codependent, and destroying the psyche of children.

Very few women decide to leave. They are dependent on old life patterns embedded in the subconscious in early childhood, loyalty to promises and even pity.

Should you live with an alcoholic?

The question of how to live with an alcoholic in the same apartment interests many women, because often they simply have nowhere to go or are afraid of the unknown. There is also a very common stereotype according to which a woman with children will not arrange her life in the future because no one needs her. There are often situations when, despite everything, love for a drinking husband remains. In any case, if a woman continues to live with her drinking husband, such advice will help her.

1. First, a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist is required. It is important to understand the causes of alcoholism. The specialist will help the woman take a fresh look at her husband and the situation as a whole.
2. Remove all alcoholic beverages from the house. At the same time, keep all the husband’s drinking companions away from the house.
3. You shouldn't put pressure on a man if he doesn't see a problem. However, if he asks his wife for her opinion, then she should calmly tell him about her claims and wishes.
4. Find an approach to your husband. A woman who decides to fight her husband’s alcoholism will need a lot of patience. In order to stabilize a man’s psychological state, she will have to carefully monitor her behavior and forget about any reproaches, hysterics, or threats.
5. Make him admit that he has an addiction. If a man doesn't see the problem, he won't change.
6. Reconsider your attitude towards yourself: take care of your appearance, find a job (if you didn’t have one before), start learning foreign languages, improve yourself.
7. An alcoholic who goes on a drinking binge cannot be justified by a lack of self-realization in life. There is a way out of even the most difficult situation. Moreover, you should not run after him. Becoming a nanny for an alcoholic is easy, but getting out of this role is not.
8. Until treatment begins, it is important for a woman to protect herself and her children from the negative influence of a man on their psyche.
9. You cannot hide the presence of a problem from others.
10. You shouldn’t pay off debts for your husband, buy him another bottle to calm him down, or do everything for him. You need to behave in such a way that a man understands who he can lose.

A woman not only has to be patient, but also learn practical techniques for getting her husband out of a binge and eliminating a hangover.

Common mistakes women make

In the fight against their husband's progressive alcoholism, women do not always do the right thing. The most common errors are:

• frequent reproaches, to which the husband reacts negatively, delving even deeper into alcoholism (after two repetitions there is no point in talking further);
• attempts to involve friends and relatives in solving the problem are additional pressure on the alcoholic, causing the opposite effect;
• comparison with other men - here even a healthy, sober person will feel disadvantaged;
• setting ultimatums - this method has a short-term effect, but it will not solve the problem;
• scandals with my husband's friends over a bottle - he will take their side, since with them he satisfies his need for alcohol.

If you still decide to leave

If a woman has decided that such a man is not suitable for her, then decisive action must be taken immediately. And do this even if the husband uses every means to stop his wife. The advice of a psychologist in this situation is as follows.

1. A woman must definitely voice her decision to her alcoholic husband. If he did not perceive this information the first time, you can tell him again. The woman must justify the impossibility of living with him under the same roof. If even in this case the spouse does not understand the seriousness of the situation, then he should simply leave. With constant repetition, a threat without backing it up with real action very quickly ceases to be effective.
2. You should not believe what your husband swears. In order not to lose the only person who perceives him, he is ready to fall to his knees, cry, swear, give flowers, stop drinking for a while, and then blackmail him with possible suicide. If a woman listens and stays, then the idyll will quickly end. Such situations are repeated after every binge.
3. The instinct of self-preservation must prevail over the feeling of pity for the alcoholic.

Will coding help?

The coding method of treating alcoholism is only possible if the man has realized that he has a problem. There are several types of encoding: chemical and psychological. The first of them is considered more effective.

Before a man is coded, the reasons for the development of alcoholism and his general health are determined. The procedure is not carried out without the person’s consent. Then the patient takes blood tests, after which he chooses the most optimal encoding method, and the patient’s desire cannot be ignored.

The coding procedure requires preliminary preparation. A person is prohibited from drinking for several weeks before it.

You need to behave carefully with a coded man - he needs the support of his environment, since the process of giving up alcohol is not easy.

The procedure has certain contraindications: lack of desire of the patient, pathology of the heart and kidneys, mental disorders. If a man decides to recover, he will have to understand that this is a difficult path on which he will have to defeat not the habit, but himself. At the same time, you cannot be nervous and lose faith in your strength.

Drink together so he gets less

If the husband is an alcoholic, the woman often breaks down and starts drinking with him. She justifies this by saying that she wants to save her family, not leave her children without a father, and also for other reasons:

• she feels responsible for him, considers it her duty to satisfy his needs;
• she has confidence that her husband will not be able to cope with the problems himself, so she does it for him;
• the wife is morally and psychologically attached to her alcoholic husband, trying to find an excuse for him for herself and the people around her;
• the woman takes the position of a victim who has to endure everything her husband does;
• she is under the weight of guilt;
• the spouse is quite satisfied with the state of affairs, the main thing is that she has a husband, albeit an alcoholic;
• the wife also becomes dependent on alcohol.

If a woman also drinks, she simply cannot get rid of this habit on her own, nor can she help her life partner. Therefore, when living with an alcoholic, you should remember the danger of “family” alcoholism and not start drinking alcohol with your husband.

In order to cure a drunken husband, the whole family must try. If a woman for some reason does not want to participate in his treatment for alcoholism and decides to leave, she should seek help from a psychologist in order to cope with the situation and learn to live in new conditions.

Basic principles of communicating with an alcoholic

Treatment of alcoholism depends entirely on the patient himself. However, the determining factor will also be the behavior of his friends and relatives. The family bears the brunt; the healing of the alcoholic depends on each member.

How to deal with a drinker?

Many do not understand how much damage alcoholism causes to the patient’s psyche and continue to appeal to those feelings that have long been dulled.

The vast majority of families break up due to incorrect response behavior. Psychiatrists have developed several basic principles for such situations, depending on the social role of the alcoholic.

How to deal with an alcoholic husband?

The wife must understand that alcoholism is a severe form of addiction. This is more of a voluntary renunciation of normal life than a disability. You can’t take care of your husband, you need to treat him like an adult. Often wives are ashamed of their husband’s drunken exploits, and therefore they try in every possible way to hide them. Remember, this is your husband, not your child. And the last thing he needs right now is a nanny.

Correct behavior with your son

The feeling of guilt of both parents leads to the fact that the drinking son remains dependent. They decide whether to drink for him or not, he will be washed and put to bed, he will be provided with a drink and a snack. It is important to break this vicious circle, to show your son how helpless he is in his problems. Stop patronizing him. The mother suffers the most in this situation, believing that she bears full responsibility for her son’s behavior.

How to communicate with an alcoholic daughter?

The model of behavior with a dependent daughter is also based on this - no guardianship. The only caveat is that gender roles should not be extolled. By telling your daughter that you are a girl or you still have to give birth, you are provoking the model of a chronic loser. A dependent girl will convince herself that she cannot cope with basic stereotypes. She would rather relapse than decide to seek treatment. Most likely, the father will insist on this position, believing that his opinion shapes his daughter’s behavior.

Behavior with a dependent wife

Communication with a drinking wife is also based on one’s position in the family and society. Because of their behavior, you need to understand how to talk to a woman who is an alcoholic. Such patients are most often very ashamed of their behavior. Shame pushes the wife to drink again. It’s easier this way, the feeling of her own worthlessness is dulled, often this is the only way she can talk about her problems. If men want to solve them, women are more likely to count on more pity.

You should behave as follows when dealing with an alcoholic in your close circle:

• don't mock;
• do not surround with care;
• don't insist on the problem.

If your friend decides to talk about it himself, then respond. Maybe you are the only one he trusts. The work of all Alcoholics Anonymous societies is based on this effect. Most often, it is a shame to admit to loved ones; it is easier to accept help from friends or acquaintances.

What you need to know about addicts?

General psycho-emotional portrait of those suffering from alcoholism: lack of confidence in themselves, in the future; feeling of shame; low self-esteem. A person can become focused on a problem in just a second and go on a binge again.

Relatives, not understanding that the alcoholic is losing his last strength to resist, begin to insist on treatment and a quick solution to the problem. What causes only an aggressive response from an alcoholic. The circle closes, there is no solution.

At any stage of the disease, the best way out is a simple, calm conversation. Psychiatry has developed several models of behavior with an alcoholic: advice from a psychologist - do not reproach; do not appeal to shame or conscience; Don’t expect treatment to be quick.

How and what to talk about with an alcoholic?

Supporting those who want to recover from addiction is an important part of psychotherapy for alcoholics. You can talk to the abstinent person about anything, but about the problem itself - only at his request. Psychiatrists have identified seven main criteria for the behavior of loved ones:

1. Confidence. Both in the fact that everything will work out, and in the fact that failures will not lead to disaster. A conversation between two independent, responsible people. The decision about any therapy is made by the whole family. And the alcoholic understands that he has a loving wife and children behind him.
2. Time. Treating alcoholism is a long, delicate process. A psychoanalyst, working with a patient, will definitely talk with loved ones. He will explain that medications only relieve physiological dependence. Next, the main treatment is communication. And here all relatives should become psychologists. Another important timing factor is when to talk to an alcoholic. You should not do this in a state of acute withdrawal; most likely the conversation will end before it begins.
3. Internal position or hardness. You can't allow yourself to break down. No, there is no need to confiscate alcohol. You need to confidently argue why this is bad for the drinker. It would be useful to remind you about the most severe intoxications and breakdowns.

1. Feelings. Love and trust are what the drinker should feel. This is why permanent guardianship doesn't work. The alcoholic perceives it as mistrust. Often the mother of a drinker bashfully tells her friends that there is no getting him anywhere. And he doesn’t talk at all about love, about the sincerity of his impulses.
2. Constructiveness. And that means durability. The main example of unconstructive behavior is a complete ban on any alcohol in the house. Or a constant reminder at the holiday table that the spouse is an alcoholic and should not be provoked. The drinker must make the decision about treatment himself. This is the only way to talk about a positive result. Constant pushing or deprivation will most likely lead to the opposite effect.
3. Persistence. Not in pushing for treatment, but in wanting an open conversation. Let the addict understand that he can talk about his addiction at any time. That you don’t need to lie about your condition.
4. Subsequence. First of all, your own behavior. You cannot visit a psychoanalyst with an alcoholic in the morning and then pack your bags in the evening with a scandal. Understand clearly that if you are not ready to help in the fight against alcoholism, leave, don’t interfere.

A closed topic should be discussions about how nice it would be if you didn’t drink. This shows a complete rejection of the seriousness of the problem. And pushes the alcoholic to destructive decisions. You need to talk calmly. The emotional intensity of the conversation will provoke an alcoholic into aggression, even if he has been sober for several days.

Walking in the fresh air has a good psychological effect. Their action is based both on physiology - the level of blood oxygen reduces the craving for drinking, and on emotions - by appearing with a drinker in society, you show a favorable attitude towards him. That is, do not be ashamed, but trust the patient.
If a person is Orthodox, visiting shrines together or talking about restraint of the body for the sake of the soul will help. The main thing in such conversations is to distract from the desire to drink.

It is necessary and important to talk with a person even during an acute state of alcohol withdrawal psychosis - delirium. You should not be frightened by sudden mood swings, hallucinations, or lack of time orientation.

Remember, this is your loved one. And his personality will return only with complete recovery from alcoholism. Even if during such periods he talks complete nonsense, talks about missing facts, and accuses you of something. In fact, he doesn’t think so, it’s the illness talking.

If a person has chosen coding as the main method of treatment, you need to know that this means constant monitoring of what he not only drinks, but also eats. Those who quit drinking are often drawn to sweets, which may contain alcohol. Of course, the dose is minimal and is unlikely to cause harm, but the every-minute fear of withdrawal can greatly aggravate an already unstable psyche.

Your participation will help ease the condition of the encoded person. Let the relative understand that from the moment of the procedure you have not pushed him into the background, have not brushed aside his addiction. Tell him that you are aware that treatment has just begun.

What not to do?

The main mistake loved ones make when communicating with a patient is codependent behavior and its derivatives, which consist in satisfying all the desires of the addict to the detriment of oneself. We'll talk about this in more detail later.

Codependency

A common, even constant, mistake in dealing with an alcoholic is the so-called codependent behavior. That is, giving up one’s own interests in favor of the drinker’s habits.

This model speaks about the psychological and behavioral problems of the person caring for the alcoholic. Most often this concerns wives. An insecure but power-hungry woman begins to take over her husband's life. She puts all her strength on the altar of alcoholism. At the same time, she is driven not so much by the desire to help, but rather by the desire for complete control over a weak, degrading person.

In such families, both spouses need psychological help. Such a wife will not try to code her husband; she does not support his sobriety. She needs to have this cross, she needs to carry it. In this case, there is only one piece of advice for an alcoholic - divorce. Such a codependent will drag you down and will not allow you to recover. At some point, such people even begin to supply alcohol, just to enjoy complete, unlimited power over the situation.

Controlling behavior

One form of codependency is unobtrusive control. No, my wife does not forbid drinking, but she gently limits consumption. In the evening, a shot of vodka with dinner, in the morning - beer for your hangover. Of course, the controller considers drunkenness to be a serious illness and recognizes the need for treatment. But he just won’t get carried away with it.

Controlling behavior is a severe form of neurosis. Children of such parents very often suffer from various types of addictions - drugs, alcohol, porn addiction, gambling. This helps to create the appearance of one’s own territory and to get away from strict parental supervision.

In both cases of codependent behavior of loved ones, there is only one solution for those who want to recover from alcoholism - to develop an internal vector of control. Simply put, start thinking and living independently.

Contact a psychologist, he will help you understand at what stage of life you lost your way and determine the necessary steps.

Frequent scandals in families of codependents occur precisely because one cannot live due to drunkenness, and the other due to insecurity. Mutual reproaches, squabbles and often fights are a sign of such families.

If the codependent parent is an alcoholic, then such a connection is almost impossible to break. For rehabilitation to be successful, the psychotherapist will insist on hospitalization.

Communication during the recovery stage

Most often, alcoholics break down at the last stage. And the reason for this is relatives. Too frequent praise leads to the formation of persistent excellent student syndrome. You won't encourage him forever. The abstinent must accept the main principle: sobriety and a healthy lifestyle are the norm. If an alcoholic perceives every clean day as a feat, most likely this will give impetus to new binges. Quitting drinking is just the beginning.

Focus on his other achievements - good health, success in sports, new career plans. Understand that remission is not an end in itself. The main principle in your behavior should be the principle - we love you as an independent, responsible person, your opinion is important to us, you are the only one. Be sure to consult with a specialist about how to communicate with an alcoholic during remission. A psychologist will help you correct your behavior and alcoholism will no longer return to the family.