Speaking , we most often mean financial independence from men or family. But the ability to pay bills is only part of a large-scale concept that covers all areas of life. Essentially, we have 2 heroines. The first is a housewife with a husband, children and unfulfilled ambitions, which one day turn family life into a battlefield. The second is a working careerist who does not agree to dissolve in everyday hardships.
What do they have in common? The desire to be happy, to have a loving man, a decent job, a satisfying hobby, the ability to find time for yourself. Is it possible to assemble the pieces of this puzzle into a complete picture? Yes, you can. What is needed for this? The desire to work on oneself and... Or rather, the ability to rejoice in your small victories. But first things first.
A self-sufficient woman is financially and psychologically independent
Its independence can be either complete or partial. But if you try really hard, every representative of the fair sex can, if she wants, earn money for blouses and cookies. So as not to ask a man for an extra 18 kopecks and not feel obligated. It is the latter that forces you to agree with his point of view when you don’t want to. Live by his rules when they disgust you. .
Yes, most of us understand a woman’s self-sufficiency, including in a relationship with a man, as the ability to earn a living and be able to proudly proclaim in the words of the heroine of one bad song: “Get out, I’ll decide everything myself”. However, take a look at your surroundings. Surely, among close friends and distant acquaintances there will be those who are cowardly after a man, having sufficient funds. Because habit, status, some kind of relationship. And what is self-sufficiency here?
At the same time, in the crowd of these same women there is one who, having no idea what this very money looks like, does not give in in the face of financial difficulties. And he does not agree to a relationship with the first one at the end of the list, because the choice of applicants is limited. So which one is more self-sufficient?
Self-sufficiency of a woman means the absence
Overcoming it completely is difficult, if not impossible. But it is quite possible to reduce the manifestations of this destructive feeling.
You shouldn’t completely lose yourself in a man’s interests, limit your social circle and convince yourself that "bad, but mine". Retain the right to meet friends, go out together, work and creative self-realization. It is the presence of communication, even of narrow interests in a knitting group, that will help reduce the number of bad thoughts.
A woman’s self-sufficiency lies in the ability to occupy herself
And feel comfortable being alone. So subtly we approached the topic of how important it is to develop and improve your skills and abilities in different areas of life. Read books, watch good films, follow changes in the world and news in order to be an interlocutor whom you want to hear and listen to.
You cannot be interesting to others until you are interesting to yourself and do not know what to do alone with yourself. This is an axiom.
A woman’s self-sufficiency is hidden in the ability to manage self-pity
Most of us believe that we deserve more and spend a huge amount of time bemoaning missed opportunities. Is it worth saying once again how destructive and useless it is to regret what happened and passed or did not happen, but also passed? Is it much more constructive to spend your free time acquiring new knowledge that will lead to new acquaintances?
A confident woman has already learned to make decisions, because they can be different. She is able to analyze the situation, remain true to her principles, not lie to herself and not entertain vain hopes. She is a realist who understands that, in principle, everything is possible, but you need to try very hard.
Such a woman does not envy her more successful friends, hiding behind the excuse: “But I’m smarter and more beautiful, and this one was just lucky”. She understands that envy is normal, she comes to terms with it and begins to work even harder.
Self-sufficient woman works on her appearance
Unfortunately, in our society, which has partially grown out of Soviet pants, there is an erroneous opinion that a well-groomed and well-dressed representative of the fair sex takes care of herself and dresses well solely to attract the attention of men. That’s why we still see chicken legs in nylon on the streets at minus 40, war paint at 8 am and homeless style after marriage. Well, when everything is already done and photos from the wedding are on the nightstand, then you can wear leggings.
In fact, our appearance is a reflection of our inner state. A woman must take care of herself, play sports and choose beautiful clothes in order to like herself. When you like yourself, you will like others. At the same time, you don’t need 12-centimeter killer shoes to feel comfortable and confident. A wide, calm smile on a relaxed face is enough.
A self-sufficient woman will not create idols for herself
She doesn’t try to be like Dita von Teese or Vera Brezhneva. Dress like Jacqueline Kennedy. Live by Coco Chanel's rules. She has her own rules. She does not depend on the opinions of her environment, and by the time she forms herself as an individual, she understands that each person has his own path. And that there will always be stronger and more successful people nearby. This is the healthy competition of the world, which can be endured by those who treat it with dignity and philosophical patience.
And finally, a self-sufficient woman is a woman who understands what she wants from life
If you build a career, then builds a career. She calmly reacts to the cries of peroxided buns: “ What about the family, what about the children?”
If she's focused on family and is not going to waste himself sitting in the office, ceases to reflect on the topic of self-realization. She simply gives all of herself to her husband and children without a trace or remorse about missed opportunities.
If her plans include both points, looking for a middle ground. She learns to combine everything again without constant whining. This path is optimal because it allows you to change areas of activity and not get stuck in your emotions.
The relationship market today diligently imposes on us the image of a young lady holding her fate in her fist. She is successful at work, looks great, has an apartment and a car, extraordinary mental abilities, a cat, a wine cabinet and a weekend man. But is she happy? Is such self-sufficiency a prerequisite for internal comfort? Is it possible (and is it necessary) be completely independent? It's up to you to decide.
It is important to remember: all the labels that society attaches are just templates and stereotypes. No one is obliged to live by them.
The only thing that matters is how you feel. And if you are satisfied with your life, this is your female self-sufficiency.
Now there are quite a lot of articles about the need to realize oneself, and about how important in the life of every woman is the desire for self-sufficiency in order to create and maintain a family. All this is certainly correct, and, I would even say, indisputable. But the number of single and at the same time self-sufficient women is still growing. And this is visible even to non-psychologists. The topic is difficult and controversial, but for now I would like to take only one aspect of this topical topic. At the risk of incurring the wrath of some audiences, I nevertheless decided to once again draw attention to how excessive adherence to the demands of modern times, namely a woman’s overly active desire to realize herself and become self-sufficient, can make her less successful and happy in relationships with men.
So, in every good deed sometimes there is some hidden flaw. It’s not for nothing that they say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So how does a woman pave this road to hell for herself?
Let's look at some of the pitfalls of female self-sufficiency.
Competition with men.
I would like to see a man who would agree to live in the same house with a hidden or obvious competitor. A good family partner who always strives to prove that she is better in her own implementation. I don’t think that such a situation in the family will contribute to its preservation.
False equality.
This flows smoothly from competition. As soon as a woman begins to fight for her place in the sun not with other women, but with men (and this is inevitable), then men gradually stop seeing her as a woman. Now such a woman is, at best, a partner with whom it would be nice to pay the restaurant bill in half. And the saddest thing is that many women don’t even see anything special here. Of course, until such false equality begins to bring a woman to tears because of male indifference to her purely female needs for courtship and care.
Misunderstanding of men.
This develops over time due to overthinking one's long-range, strategic development plans. One way or another, a man wants to see and feel at home exactly what he lacks at work and in society. That is, he wants the atmosphere at home to be somewhat different from the environment in the office or at lunch with colleagues. The man himself, by nature, is not very suited to such tasks. This is what he expects from a woman close to him. And she, tired, hungry and motivated to succeed, wants someone to create such comfort and peace in her home. She herself needs to think and think about the future.
Fear of men.
And for good reason. When a woman begins to fight for success and tries to meet some conventional standards of self-sufficiency, she begins to feel her intuitive cues worse. Therefore, it becomes easy prey for gigolos, domestic tyrants or mama's boys. After a couple of unsuccessful novels, fear, according to the laws of the genre, begins to intensify. And a woman often hides from this fear, as you guessed correctly, by deepening and expanding her ambitious plans. And behind her, as you guessed correctly again, is an army of gigolos, domestic tyrants and mama’s boys running in a race.
So where will this woman run? Most likely, she will run away and hide in some safe place where she can watch the men at a safe distance. But this is not at all what the average woman wants.
And now our realized and self-sufficient woman is already a practically prepared client for long-term therapy. She has a lot of ambitions (by the way, often not unfounded), a lot of demands both on herself and on men, but, at the same time, no less fears and self-doubt as a woman.
Conclusion:
So, in conclusion, I want to remind you that my goal was not to turn our women away from the desire for self-realization or from the desire for self-sufficiency. But I just wanted women to once again see the edge beyond which they shouldn’t go.
Many adults who have left parental care continue to believe that the whole world owes them something, at least they should definitely be loved and respected. But, excuse me, for what? There are two ways to be happy: to prove to the whole world that you are worthy of love (almost impossible) or to be a self-sufficient person.
Many people believe that you just need to learn how to become self-sufficient and everything else will happen. Alas, this is not true. You'll have to work hard.
Material independence
This is the simplest part of the answer to how to become independent, because, oddly enough, it is the easiest to achieve. People can overcome any difficulties if they clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel. But a financially self-sufficient person is not only one who does not borrow money from neighbors before payday. Everything material is considered material.
An independent individual knows how to cook, do his own laundry, and clean his apartment. A self-sufficient woman should be able to unclog a drain, hammer a nail and change a tire. Self-sufficient men should not ask their mother to sew on a button. On the other hand, you don’t have to be able to do all this if you can earn money and just pay for the services.
Psychological independence
This is a problem that modern people have difficulty solving. Sometimes, by all outward appearances, a self-sufficient woman, who is both a galloping horse and a hut, will arrive at her luxurious cottage, drive the Lexus into the garage and sit on the marble porch, crying. I don’t want to go into an empty house and be self-sufficient and lonely in it.
Parents
Let’s not talk about sad things, but let’s try to “break the umbilical cord” with our beloved parents. How often does a financially self-sufficient person continue to prove something to his mother with all his actions, to take offense at her innocent reproaches, remaining a rebellious teenager even at 40 years old.
Look at your beloved relatives from a distance. Your accountant is probably the same age, but with her you can joke on the brink of a foul, discuss her handbag. Learn to perceive your mother as just a woman, condescendingly forgiving in silence, understanding without clarifying the relationship and never ceasing to love, and you will gradually become friends.
Friends
It’s just wonderful that you have a hundred rubles and a hundred friends. Look around. Now you want to learn how to become independent from them too. A completely self-sufficient person will not ask a friend for help, cry into his vest, ask for advice, or take into account his opinion. But how many of your current friends will agree with this arrangement in the relationship and how many of them will remain friends.
You won't like the answer. Because weak individuals will remain with you, not self-sufficient people who will live using you. Example: if your friend has never asked you for advice, to help hang wallpaper or just to discuss her husband, will you open up to her or at least just consider her a friend?
Society
Are you seriously looking for an answer to the question of how to become self-sufficient in society?! Then read the most serious and honest answer: no way. All people are dependent on their environment, and the environment is society. However, if you go into the remote taiga and conduct subsistence farming, you can break almost all the threads of dependence and become an almost self-sufficient person. The word “almost” is appropriate here because you will still be dependent on the company of wild animals and nature.
Independent woman
It's a sad sight. A woman by nature cannot be independent. If you are wondering how to become independent from your husband, then you are very unlucky in your marriage. Family happiness is a mutual pleasant dependence.
Let’s say it didn’t work out, it didn’t come true. Then the first thing to do, again, is to become rich. A financially independent woman will be able to solve all other problems. Except loneliness.
Lonely and self sufficient
Notice how many single women there are around who have been married but no longer want to be there. It is they who raise the issue of women's independence. In fact, a single, self-sufficient woman is unnatural. They got burned, despaired and learned to live alone. Yes, they know how to hammer nails, hang wallpaper, calculate their budget so that it is enough for gifts for children.
They are not self-sufficient because they want to sleep alone in their double bed. They simply can no longer please a drunk man, cry from insults and listen to rustling noises outside the door until the morning. Better than one! This is such sad self-sufficiency.
Hello, dear readers, today we will talk about how to become a self-sufficient woman. You will learn what this definition means. You will become aware of tips, following which you will become self-confident and will be able to achieve a lot in this life.
Self-sufficiency
A self-sufficient woman is an independent and strong person, both socially, psychologically and financially. She is happy with her position in society, does not depend on anyone financially, is strong in spirit, is not afraid of loneliness, and has no attachment to people.
Let's look at the main features that characterize a self-sufficient woman.
- He has personal growth, constantly self-realizes, which allows him to achieve material independence.
- The woman is purposeful and quite ambitious. She knows what she expects from life and boldly achieves her goals.
- He has complete self-confidence and believes in his success.
- She easily finds a way out of difficult situations and does not experience fear when making decisions.
- Values his time and plans it correctly.
- Has a sense of self-esteem and requires respectful treatment of his person.
- He is distrustful of other people and knows that he can only count on himself.
- Manages to play sports and finds time for hobbies.
- Able to defend her opinion, does not depend on others.
- Calmly listens to criticism, draws conclusions, and does not get upset.
- Able to transform disadvantages into strengths.
- Never sacrifices his needs for the sake of another person.
How to become such a woman
In order for women to become self-sufficient, it is necessary to adhere to certain rules in the formation of such an individual.
- Never think that there is someone stronger or better nearby. Always compare yourself to who you were a month, a year ago, evaluate your successes.
- In achieving your goal, you don’t need to go over other people’s heads or feel power over them. It is important to learn to ask if you need someone's help.
- Never think about your past, about the mistakes you made in it. Plan your future, look at it positively.
- No matter how hard it is, no matter what difficulties fall on your head, you should not feel sorry for yourself. You need to be strong and believe that all problems are temporary, they are needed to learn a lesson, become wiser and stronger.
- Never lie to yourself. There is no need to engage in self-deception if your soul is committed to doing something, but your brain is protesting against it.
- You don’t need to be constantly afraid of losing your man or your job; you should approach life with ease.
- You shouldn’t listen to other people’s opinions or depend on them. A woman must make the right decision herself, based on her inner instincts.
- To be successful you need to do what you love, the work should be to your liking.
- In addition to the profession, there should be hobbies in life that will bring maximum pleasure.
- A woman should not sacrifice her principles, desires, and, especially, her career for the sake of a man; she should put her life priorities first.
- In life there should be a large number of friends, your own social circle.
- A woman shouldn’t tell everyone about her problems, but she shouldn’t worry internally either.
- If a young man appears in your life, you don’t need to tell him about your secrets, remain a mystery.
- Never let someone humiliate you or spit on your opinion.
- A woman should not throw tantrums; making a scandal is a sign of promiscuity and lack of self-confidence.
- A woman should love herself, acquire the best, and delight herself with gifts.
I don’t yet consider myself a self-sufficient woman, but I strive for it with all my might. I am engaged in self-development, trying to re-educate my character, and began to devote time to an active lifestyle. In addition, I set aside time every day for English classes and drawing.
- It is necessary to constantly engage in self-development.
- To increase your self-esteem, you need to take care of your appearance, get your figure back to normal, go to a stylist, buy new clothes.
- Communicate more often with people who have achieved great success, minimize communication with losers.
- Constantly develop in yourself such qualities as confidence, determination, cheerfulness, independence, independence, discipline, determination and willpower.
- Praise yourself for all your achievements and believe in future successes.
- Set clear goals and always achieve them.
- Never boast of your victories to other people.
- Treat others with respect.
- Adequately assess your abilities and set goals that are achievable.
- Learn to control your emotions, no matter what the circumstances.
- If there are fears in life, learn to fight them, resist them.
- If you have bad habits, overcome them and lead a healthy lifestyle.
As you can see, a confident, self-sufficient woman is not something supernatural and unattainable, it is a very real state that all representatives of the fair half of humanity can strive for. Everyone can become successful, the main thing is to make an effort for this, not to break under the weight of difficulties, to endure this path, and become a self-sufficient person, independent of anyone. Every woman deserves such a life!
Self-sufficiency in the simplest words is when your own company is enough for you to be happy.
You are not afraid of loneliness, you can solve life’s problems yourself, since you have the necessary skills for this. It presupposes strength and self-confidence, in one’s position in life, and the ability to make decisions. A kind of man-island who only lets you in on excursions.
I consider the words of Oscar Wilde to be the motto of self-sufficiency:
❝You will continue to be unhappy as long as you believe that others make you happy❞.
Without which there is no self-sufficiency:
- without a profession that would bring material income and satisfaction.
- without a passion or hobby: such a person does not think about what to do with himself or where to spend his free time.
- without certain qualities, congenital or acquired: you may have to.
Qualities that distinguish a self-sufficient person:
- Tolerance of loneliness (or lack of fear of loneliness). There are people who simply cannot be alone. Are you one of those people?
- Inner strength. Being completely responsible for yourself, your actions, decisions, choices and your life in general is not easy.
- Self-confidence. Without the confidence that you can achieve everything and without outside help, you are unlikely to succeed.
- Determination. The “Island Man” is usually a successful person who sets goals for himself and knows how to achieve them.
- Selfishness. You think first of all about your happiness and your goals in life.
- Alienation. You will have to learn to keep at a distance those who want to stay in your life.
Thus, in order to become self-sufficient, you need to develop the appropriate qualities (or already have them), identify a goal in life and master a profession that would bring in enough money so as not to depend on others financially (ideally, your hobby and profession should coincide) .
It would seem that everything is simple. But I want to warn you that such independence implies, first of all, loneliness, distance from other people (but not isolation!). Therefore, we can only talk about it at a certain period of life. Self-sufficiency and family are incompatible.
I believe that self-sufficiency is mainly the prerogative of men. A woman will always need love, support, children, she will be dependent, as she strives for fusion.
And the island man values, above all, freedom and independence. He does not look back at authorities, does not care about other people’s opinions, does not seek help, does not grieve about the past and does not savor the mistakes he has made, and does not condemn himself for them.
Here's what Stephen Covey writes about independence in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:
Independence is expressed by the I-paradigm - I can do this; I am responsible; I rely on myself; I can choose.
If I am physically independent, then I can do everything perfectly well on my own. If in the intellectual, I can think independently, I am subject to different levels of abstract thinking. I can think creatively and analytically, as well as formulate and present my thoughts in an understandable form. If I am emotionally independent, then all my statements and actions are generated by my internal reasons. I control my own actions. My sense of worth does not depend on how well or poorly others treat or treat me.
True independence of character motivates us to act rather than be influenced. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. However, independence is not the end goal of an effective life.
Interdependence is a much more mature, more progressive concept. If I am physically interdependent, then even though I am confident and efficient, I understand that you and I, working together, can do much more than I can do alone, even if I try very hard. If I am emotionally interdependent, then while I have a sense of self-worth, I still have the need to give and love others, as well as to be loved. If I am intellectually interdependent, I recognize that in order to enrich my thoughts I need to borrow the best that others have.
How to become a self-sufficient person?
First of all, decide if you need it. To do this, I suggest taking two tests.
Spend the day alone. Do not communicate with friends or relatives, turn off the TV.
Spend the whole day alone with yourself, with your thoughts. And if you are bored and don’t find anything to do, then self-sufficiency is not for you.
An independent person, as a rule, is passionate about something, he has a goal and his own interests, which do not allow him to suffer from boredom and look for someone to kill time with.
Stay alone with yourself, in silence, and imagine that you need to go to study or work in another country for several years.
Completely immerse yourself in this situation, let it be something like meditation: mentally transport yourself to any country. Imagine in detail how you arrive at a new place, rent a hotel room, look for a job, communicate with new people, make a choice and decide on a new place of work, rent a house.
You need to make new connections, you have nowhere to wait for help - you must do everything yourself, make many independent decisions.
If the very thought of leaving your current life and environment does not scare you, if you are eager to start everything yourself, then you will succeed.
Looking back, I determined what I needed. Make a list like this for yourself.
My blog was written to help those who want to become a self-sufficient person, which I am. Look through this material, perhaps you will find something useful for yourself.
