Why doesn't a person enjoy life alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.
Every person knows the feeling of loneliness, and it is different for everyone. This could be the loneliness of a woman or a man waiting for a relationship. Or the loneliness of a person who finds himself in an unusual place, far from his family and friends. Or there may be a constant state of loneliness, when even among people and surrounded by loved ones a person feels lonely. This is loneliness, from which neither friendship, nor marriage, nor teamwork can save you.
As a rule, the feeling of loneliness is a source of discomfort for a person. He may experience melancholy, despair from the feeling of being useless, and even depression.
Why is this so? Why doesn't a person enjoy life alone? What is loneliness? What are the types of loneliness? System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan answers these and many other questions, and also helps to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness forever.
What is the feeling of loneliness?
A person feels lonely when he loses connections with other people. On the one hand, we cannot live without people, because we do not live alone, even if it seems so to us. We live in society, interact with each other and survive only together. At a deep mental level, we are all united by a single unconscious. All our troubles, but also all our joys, come from other people.
On the other hand, at a certain moment in his development, a person felt his own uniqueness, separation from other people. This feeling can be expressed by the words “there is no one but me.”
That is why it was from this moment that humanity took the path of the “curse of loneliness.” Since then, we have been unconsciously looking for lost connections and cannot find them. A person is lonely “from a stinking diaper to a stinking shroud.” And in the modern world of individualism, the suffering of loneliness is only getting worse.
However, not everyone is aware of this deep loneliness. Most often it is felt in certain life situations - for example, when loved ones pass away or in a foreign country, when familiar connections are lost. But there are people who experience the pangs of loneliness especially strongly. System-vector psychology distinguishes two main types of loneliness:
- visual loneliness;
- sound loneliness.
Loneliness is terrible, creepy and unbearable
This is how the owners define their internal state when they find themselves alone with themselves. Bright extroverts, they see the meaning of their lives in communication, love, and creating emotional connections with other people. That is why, when these connections are absent, they feel sadness especially strongly. They feel bad and hurt alone. The severance of an emotional connection is experienced by them as severe stress.
When the visual vector is not realized, its owner may experience numerous fears, including the fear of loneliness. He is afraid that in his old age there will be no one to give him a glass of water. Driven by this fear, a visual person can agree to any relationship so as not to be in a state of loneliness.
Loneliness as a way of life
The article was written based on training materials “ System-vector psychology»Loneliness can inspire the writing of poetry, music and paintings. But while the material may be good, research shows that loneliness has extremely detrimental effects on your health. Science has linked this psychological state with high blood pressure, metabolic failure, and the risk of developing heart disease and diabetes. Not to mention how loneliness leads to depression.
Also, research from the American Association of Retired Persons showed that 35% of respondents over 45 were single.
Below are 10 strategies to combat this unfortunate condition.
1. Understand loneliness
“There is a difference between solitude and loneliness,” says Sanam Hafeez, a licensed clinical psychologist in New York City and a professor at Columbia University College. “Both terms essentially mean that a person is alone; however, they are different ways of thinking,” she continues. It is very typical to think that in order to feel good and worthy, you need external confirmation of this and other people around. Solitude is rooted in choice and peace. And when someone enjoys solitude, he/she begins to value connection above all else. with themselves. They may enjoy spending time with someone else, but not need it."
2. Start with small steps
When you feel isolated, it can be difficult to re-build social connections. This problem needs to be solved gradually, in small steps.
Understand that you are not alone in the literal sense of the word - go to a large supermarket, take a walk in the park, sign up for courses, give other people the opportunity to surround you. It's important to keep moving forward and take steps to engage socially in whatever form.
3. Meet people in person
Social networks increase the feeling of loneliness when all interaction with people is reduced to viewing their profiles and photos on Instagram. While services like VKontakte and Odnoklassniki offer real connections, they also overemphasize the success of others.
Close the apps, put away your smartphone and laptop, and spend time with the people you know in real life. There is no alternative to personal interaction, there are only auxiliary means.
4. Smile and say nice things
A smile and a compliment given to everyone you meet during the day will improve the mood of both you and the people around you. Additionally, it initiates and strengthens connections.
Simple rules of interaction: smile, give a compliment and ask something. The fourth stage could be an invitation somewhere.
5. Walk more often
A walk is not just a journey from point A to point B. Walk: notice the world around you, stop to look at beautiful things or listen to street music. Say “hello” to the person you like, wish them a good day - and you will be surprised how many positive connections will be made if you use this method.
6. Talk to strangers
It sounds awkward, and Bulgakov advised against doing this, but by starting to say hello to people in the elevator, you get to know your neighbors, and a small conversation with the seller in the store near your home provides a way out of your routine and comfort zone.
Author Keo Stark argues that even brief interactions with strangers increase our sense of well-being.
7. Call
Phone calls and video chats give you a sense of presence with people who are currently far away from you. Plan calls as you would a meeting: chat with a friend for half an hour, an hour; do this regularly, strengthening your connections and making them meaningful.
8. Sign up for courses
Find like-minded people through specialized events. Are you interested in foreign languages? Have you ever wanted to learn how to cook like a chef? Do it.
9. Reach out to someone who is also lonely.
In our loneliness, we may not notice that someone next to us is also lonely. Invite someone who seems socially isolated to you for a walk or coffee.
This is not always an easy task, but by helping your “companion” in this trouble, you will help yourself.
10. Seek professional help if you need it
Go to a psychological consultation, discuss your problem with a psychotherapist, dial the helpline number. Our souls need healing just like a broken leg would need it. Do this if you feel like you can't cope on your own.
Question to a psychologist
Hello!
I have a complete feeling of loneliness, my mother and my loved one live together, everything is fine with my mother, but I can’t express myself to her, she doesn’t understand me or doesn’t want to understand. And the young man is good and understanding, but when I try to him to express my point of view where he is wrong, he turns everything around so that only I remain to blame. And I can’t understand in myself why I’m so jealous of him, but I can’t overcome it within myself, and if I keep silent out of jealousy, then I get hysterical.
That’s why I can’t speak out to them. At the very least, I try to do everything the way they want so that they would at least somehow respect me, but that doesn’t work with them either. I have very few friends, because I’m disappointed in them, and my problems are gone. I don’t want to burden them.
Only when I shed some tears, I calm down for about 6 hours and then it’s all over again, loneliness and I don’t know how to deal with it.
Thank you in advance!
Azalea, dear day! Loneliness is one of the givens of existence and is not something bad. This is the point of your desires and aspirations where no one understands you. Just everything. The need to share oneself completely with others will never be realized. There will always be a moment when you say that “no one understands me about this!” Therefore, a person who feels uncomfortable being alone with himself for a long time strives to surround himself with the maximum number of people - for this he finds friends, husbands, bosses, colleagues, etc. To be alone as little as possible and not feel that unpleasant feeling that you call loneliness. But it was only you who decided that it was unpleasant. In fact, this is a moment of contact with oneself. That's all. nothing more. And to be sad here... is at least strange. It's you! :) Are you really going to betray yourself, betray your goals and desires just because others simply don’t share them? Azalea, the moment of your maturation as a person has come. You will have to go to a psychotherapist about this; you are unlikely to cope with existential things alone. And please read more. Start with Ute Erhard "Good girls go to heaven, but bad girls....". Then Yalom. Then Weinhold's "Liberation from Codependency."
Prudnikova Yulia Aleksandrovna, psychotherapist Yekaterinburg
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0This is how strong relationships are built and the feeling of loneliness and emptiness is destroyed. On mutual respect.
And do not forget that if you are ready to establish close relationships, then the person will not always reciprocate your feelings. This can lead to bad mood, depression and feelings of loneliness, but this is the law of the world. The only thing I can advise in this situation is to move on without wasting time on empty grievances. Every person has their own opinion and we must respect it!
You are in protection mode
This may sound quite strange, but maybe you yourself are pushing people away? I'll explain now.
Body language plays a huge role in communication. When talking to a person, look at yourself from the outside. Are you actively listening? Or are you constantly distracted and interrupted? Have you made eye contact? Does your body language add interest to the conversation? Or are you trying in every possible way to show that you are trying to leave as quickly as possible? This is another reason why there is a feeling of loneliness.
The other side of this coin is that you are simply surrounded people who do not need new acquaintances and friends. In this case, try to change your social circle.
Try to be more open, show interest in the interlocutor and do not hesitate to ask questions. People just love it when they are truly heard and understood!
You spend too much time on social networks
It would seem that social networks are the ideal weapon against feelings of loneliness. But that's not true. As I said above, You may have 1000 friends on Facebook or VKontakte, but how many of them are real?
Research has shown that the more time you spend on social media, the greater your feelings of loneliness may be.
It is then that we experience a feeling of loneliness, even when we seem to be not alone at all (after all, we have many friends on social networks).
So, we figured out why the feeling of loneliness occurs and what to do about it. Summarizing all of the above, we can come to the conclusion that openness, yours and your interlocutor’s, mutual respect and social circle play an important role. In addition, do not forget that developing relationships requires energy and time, but it is worth it - you will forever cope with the feeling of loneliness and emptiness.
The feeling of loneliness is a condition familiar to almost every person. In everyone’s life, there are periods of temporary voluntary or forced refusal to communicate, and if for some such “withdrawals” are associated with the need to “take a break” from social activity, then for others loneliness becomes a constant and depressing companion of life. How does it happen that, previously sociable and open to others, a person suddenly closes himself within four walls, depriving himself of the joy of communicating with people close to him and giving up the usual pleasures of life?
Causes of loneliness: external and internal factors.
Oddly enough, many people not only do not suffer from loneliness, but also consider it a natural and comfortable way of life. As a rule, these are representatives of creative professions, whose work requires maximum concentration and at the same time gives a person pleasure. They say about such people: “He devoted himself entirely to his favorite work.” Creative individuals fully realize themselves in their hobby, without experiencing a feeling of deprivation in communication, so being can rather be called conscious solitude.
True loneliness means a complete limitation of a person’s contact with the outside world due to the presence of a deep internal conflict or traumatic experience of human communication. Here are the most common reasons that prompt a person to close himself off from the world and others.
