The question gives the impression of provocation, but I will answer anyway.
Firstly, people with inadequate self-esteem are often disliked. Moreover, it does not matter in which direction it is more inadequate, because people with high self-esteem often cover up their lack of self-confidence, but low self-esteem also very often shoots out arrogance in those areas in which a person likes himself. People with inadequate self-esteem are disliked because they require more complex emotional maintenance, increase the toxicity of communication and often offend other people without noticing it. Therefore, it would be better to keep your self-esteem problems under control. This does not mean that such a person cannot appear decent to people, but it is worth learning to talk about your feelings about yourself and other people in the form of I-messages. That is, “I feel weak/ugly/worthless” instead of “I am weak/ugly/worthless” and “I don’t like these people because... it seems to me that we can’t have anything in common with them, because I..." instead of "yes, they are a stupid gray mass." And try to do this even when talking to yourself.
There are people who are genuinely narcissistic, but they usually don't feel the need to put others down and come across as very charming. People love to bask in the rays of someone else's self-love.
Secondly, if everyone doesn’t understand you, then this is your problem, not all people’s. Having a wonderful inner world is pretty useless to other people because what's in your head isn't directly visible to anyone, and it takes some kind of motivation for anyone to be interested enough to put in the effort to find out what you're all about . If you don’t create such motivation, that is, if you don’t make an interesting and non-repulsive impression, then the people around you will prefer to spend energy on themselves and their problems. The root of the problem may be a lack of social skills, a lack of empathy, or self-obsession. Or it may be that your social environment, in principle, is not in the mood to accept you, and it is easier to change it than to learn to communicate specifically with these people. But in order to understand this, you still need to try to take responsibility for your social failures yourself, and not attribute everything to the fact that all the people around you are bad, society is bad and in general.
Thirdly, you need to be able to find the good in the people around you. Of course, if these people behave aggressively with you and go beyond what is acceptable, then they should not be justified, but in all other cases, every person can turn out to be good and interesting in something, and also every person deserves respect. If you are not interested in the people around you, they are unlikely to be interested in you.
In general, you need to give up the fetish of your own exclusivity (I know how hard it is, because I have had this warming feeling for many years :)), learn to communicate, learn to distinguish people who are right for you, learn to respect and appreciate all people in general , don't look down on them or insult them and everything will work out. Well, or an alternative option is to look for a field of activity that does not imply a large number of social contacts, and a lifestyle that does not imply close relationships.
I open my hands to the Sun...
I send my ray of Love towards...
And in that Ray is my Confession,
HOW much I love this WORLD...
I live... I try without sadness...
I live and don’t cheat my soul...
WHAT HAPPINESS IS Awareness!
What happiness it is to BE YOURSELF!
Don't lower your eyes from fear,
It’s sly not to look, in reproach,
Without hiding your gaze from people...
HOW GOOD IT IS NOT TO HIDE YOUR FACE,
And don't tie a scarf...
To those who are SO FAR FROM FAITH..
I'm happy to LIVE WITH A PURE HEART,
And in a moment anyone can LEAVE...
I protect my Soul from stress!
I AM! NOW! I'M ON THE WAY!
Photo internet
Written as a response to an attempt at bullying on the Russian-Speaking Ireland website.
The situation was like this: I filled out the Questionnaire at the request of the creators of the “Russians in Ireland” website.
The questionnaire was filled out by many people who, over the years of living abroad, have proven themselves in business, made a career in society, opened a Russian school, a company and are doing something for themselves and for people.
Profiles of different people were published online before me. Among them were those who practice, are interested in yoga, shamanism, teach, give legal advice, translate documents, and provide various services to compatriots and people of other nationalities. It’s wonderful when a person realizes his abilities and helps people.
Everything went quietly.
When my profile was published, the site began to revive.
The bulk were silent, and those who have a lot of envy inside and are not self-realized began to speak loudly.
The persecution has turned into a real show, reminding me of something I read from someone on our site’s authors (sorry, I don’t remember the author/), the memoirs of a German officer after an incident he saw in a Baltic city during the war.
... An officer of Hitler's army was walking through the city and heard the noise of the crowd, playing the accordion, and groans of people.
The officer approached the huge crowd surrounding this action and squeezed closer to the middle.
There, on a mountain of corpses, a local policeman played the accordion, while others used bats to finish off those still alive, crushing their heads with blows.
The crowd looked...
The officer was shocked precisely by the silence, the reaction of the crowd.
He could not cope with the surging disgust...
He left his entry about this in his diaries for posterity and expressed his feelings.
A recording of a witness of terrible inhumanity, cruelty, bestiality, slavery, desiring spectacles, passions, not understanding what LIFE is.
I remembered this story immediately when I saw hundreds of views and a quiet “leaving in English”...
Yesterday, when I came home from work, my husband noticed my sadness...
I told...
He said: many are not yet ready to support what you are doing... It’s unconventional, new, incomprehensible, and they are afraid...
Yes, many people supported me “in private”, but were afraid to speak out loud.
I rejoiced: WHAT HAPPINESS I AM READY TO BE MYSELF...
WHAT HAPPINESS IS IT NOT TO BEAT YOUR SOUL, AND NOT TO despise yourself for cowardice....
WHAT HAPPINESS I am that I grew up with sick beliefs and fears....
Let them grow up!
Maybe when there are more LIGHT ones, it will be easier for Mother Earth to breathe?!
And the black people were furious, they remembered the Bible, what Jesus said, what the priest said, they reminded them of Kashpirovsky and Grobovoy and all the psychics, about the fact that you can’t pay, about the fact that someone was not healed, and the students of our School are “suckers,” brainless fools, zombified, etc.
And my books supposedly zombify, and my poems are so-so “bad”, and my songs are for fools, and I myself am an impostor, hiding under someone else’s name.
I answered at first. Then my students began to answer. They explained what our School gives them, that over the years of practicing Meditation, Olenka, for example, gave birth to three children and did not take a single pill, and thank God she never went to the doctor. On the picture:
Everything my students wrote about was knocked against the wall of fanaticism and negative beliefs.
It got to the point of swearing, personal insults, witches and other humiliations.
And this is in a country where there are thousands of Holistic Centers, and thousands of healers work in them officially, where the Healer is listed in the list of professions.
This is truly “to Tula with a samovar.”
Living in the country for more than ten years with the old mentality, in our time, and considering as a sect those who LIVE BY BIBLE LAWS, not only read them, who learn Love, LIGHT, Wisdom, who understand the word Soul, Consciousness, Universe, Spirit.. .
It’s hard to even imagine that an Irishman would interfere in someone’s life in this way or point out a mistake or injustice….
Okay, we did it, thank God!
We saw HOW much more LIGHT is needed on Mother Earth to make life easier for both HER and people.
The LIGHT that shines on us is ONE for all:
Create, live according to honor and conscience, develop, help the WORLD, because there is a lot of work on Earth for a spiritual person.
With respect to everyone, Emmilia.
EMMILIA'S BOOKS CAN NOW BE PURCHASED IN RUSSIA!!!
In online stores:
Http://read.ru/id/3165188/
http://read.ru/id/3166309/
http://read.ru/id/3166331/
http://read.ru/id/3166343/
ISBN: 978-9934-8066-2-9
ISBN: 978-9984-39727-6
ISBN: 978-9984-39-415-2
ISBN: 978-9-93480-660-5
Reviews
"Don't lower your eyes from fear,
It’s sly not to look, in reproach,
Don't think, but say what you want,
Without hiding your gaze from people...
HOW GOOD IT IS NOT TO HIDE YOUR FACE,
And don't tie a scarf...
To prove to others that I BELIEVE,
To those who are SO FAR FROM FAITH.." (Emmilya)
*
Teaching children from childhood not to lie, but to tell the truth, broaden their horizons, develop their intellect, so that they do not hesitate to speak out and say what they think - this is very, very important! Children should be open, tell parents and teachers the truth; To do this, they need to be raised correctly in the family, in kindergarten and at school. I agree with you on everything, dear Emilia! With deep respect and warmth of soul, Your Yanina
Am I not like everyone else or what is uniqueness syndrome? How to relieve the internal tension that has accumulated all these years and stop thinking about the bad? What is an inferiority complex and why is it so difficult to accept yourself? We defend our interests, despite public opinion. If you feel out of place, this article was created especially for you. We achieve a sense of harmony with our environment and stop thinking about the negative - effective advice will help you solve all this.
To be like everyone else or not - that is the question
“What’s wrong with me? I’m not like everyone else, it’s difficult for me to find a common language in society, sometimes they ignore me and don’t seem to notice me,” such thoughts arise in many people. The “black sheep” phenomenon applies to anyone who is at least a little different from most of their peers. Each individual is in a social group where certain rules and patterns operate.
Each person is endowed with special qualities that may not be observed in the majority. If a student moves from one school to another, he automatically becomes somehow “different.” All attention is concentrated on him and the assessment of others builds his image in a group of classmates.
To be like everyone else is to grow up in the eyes of others as is customary in most cases. It is often much more comfortable and profitable for a person to conform to established canons. But under pressure from a company, a person can feel discomfort. This is expressed in a lack of freedom when he is squeezed into a specific “standard”.
More often, the problem of personality distortion occurs in childhood and adolescence. It is then that many people perceive criticism from their peers vulnerable. Such resentment can smoothly flow into adulthood and be reflected in an inferiority complex. Non-acceptance of oneself is also present in adults who do not share the interests and values of their colleagues and acquaintances. Finding allies is the main task that a person seeks to support his right to self-expression.
How to analyze your personality
If the thought “I'm different” keeps popping into your head, it's important to do a little research. Personality analysis is carried out in several stages:
- It is important to consider how many people are avoiding contact with you. If these are people who are not associated with the company, then it is important to understand in more detail. If this is a company, there are often rules that apply to all participants.
- It is necessary to write down the common and different aspects of you and a particular person point by point on the list.
- Who is neutral, how are they similar to you? Are there those who are completely opposite, but do not refuse communication and accept you for who you are?
This experiment allows us to clarify the situation more clearly. Statistics show that only about 10-20% of people out of the total number are “negativity mongers”. Most people, on the contrary, do not care about a person’s distinctive characteristics and it is important that he treats them well. So it turns out that the whole “salt” of the problem lies in the power of a few people? This is true! Most often, due to a smaller number, difficulties occur that lead the individual into confusion.
What should I do if I am not like everyone else in relation to that group of people? Just find your place in society! That's right - find your place among those who like you and like you too. You can become neutral or even very tempting for someone based on your interests and values. Everyone has their own merits, even if he/she seems like a gray shadow to themselves.
It is very important to express yourself as much as possible in public life. Don't know what to ask your colleague? Why not find out about news, events, and ideas. Don't be shy - this will only make the situation worse. When a person does not pretend to be alone and becomes a prominent figure, he ceases to be transparent.
You don't need to be like everyone else! Why lose your unique features and sacrifice your individuality? Some people are simply not worthy of the level you have reached. This doesn’t mean that a successful businessman should have a complex about the fact that his subordinates do not accept him in the smoking room?
Self-confidence and lack of embarrassment are the key to success in any company. Being withdrawn only gives people around you a reason to pass by and not even bother asking about something. An interesting person, even if he is in no mood and calm, will still remain the center of attention.
Thinking and its imprint on personality psychology
I'm not like everyone else - does this mean that I think completely differently from others? Systems thinking connects one person with another, forming a single group. Critical thinking, on the contrary, allows you to identify the truth and follow your own judgments. What does it mean? Observe those around you and not repeat their mistakes, feel the state of another person and put yourself in her place. This approach allows you to reveal the truth and have a broader view of the world.
Why do people like to be like everyone else? This does not oblige you to think with your own head and take a step left or right from the usual patterns. To make a decision, you should weigh the pros and cons, and not rely on the majority opinion. This is the same as buying a newfangled phone if everyone already has one. “That I’m worse than others? I don’t want to lag behind others! ”- this is what the one who commits reckless acts thinks. Why doesn’t school develop a child’s critical thinking? Banal “cramming” of material and lack of one’s own opinion on various topics. A striking example is the situation of one fifth-grader from an ordinary provincial school:
I was asked to write an essay on the topic “Why I liked the story of such and such an author.” From the first years of his life, Vanya showed an interest in reasoning, asked unusual questions and looked at the world from a slightly different angle. He came home and wrote in his notebook the heading “Why I didn’t like reading the story...”. He clearly argued his thoughts and fully covered the topic.
The next day, each student had to read his story to the whole class. After Kristina, who was given an “excellent” grade, Vanya came out. As soon as he read the title, the class instantly started laughing. The teacher calmed the children and her face showed obvious misunderstanding. Halfway through the story, the teacher could not stand it and interrupted Vanya, pointing her finger at her desk. The journal and diary said “unsatisfactory,” and the whole class kept whispering and looking in his direction. He was teased during recess, but a couple of friends came up and supported their “hero of the day.”
You shouldn’t think “I’m not like everyone else and I shouldn’t jump above myself.” It is important to remain confident in your judgments if you really argue for them. Criticism of the majority does not mean complete failure - it can be a personal victory, where you destroy established stereotypes. We hope that the information was useful to you and gave you faith in your personal potential. Did you like the article? Share it with those who need support now.
We are all different and all the same. We are the same in that, oddly enough, we consider ourselves different. Of course, in the soul, every person is a whole universe, and it is different for everyone. Therefore, we are all unique to one degree or another. But where does this understanding of one’s uniqueness come from? How do you know that you are not like everyone else?
Psychological portraits of “not like everyone else”
Psychologists identify several types of “white crows”. Some deliberately go for shocking behavior and strive to attract the attention of others to themselves at any cost. People around them often consider such people to be snobs and arrogant, and they have practically no sincere friends.
The second type is people who have their own opinion that differs from the opinion of the majority. They may have plenty of enemies, but such people, as a rule, are lucky with friends, mainly due to their sincerity and self-sufficiency. Such people do not depend on the majority, since they have many more interesting things to do.
The third type are people who are embarrassed by their difference and try to be like everyone else without accepting themselves. Such people can be advised to “spread their wings” and try to be less dependent on the opinions of others.
You may have noticed some traits that are characteristic of your character. How do you know that you are not like everyone else? This can be done without a psychologist.
Unusual personality: how to recognize?
Already in childhood, each of us, communicating with other people, looks for what each has in common with others and what is unique. This could be appearance, nationality, gender, character and much more.
Later in adolescence, and then in youth, there are more and more differences. And if previously most differences were based on external characteristics (skin color, eye shape), now internal differences (character, upbringing, values) are becoming increasingly important. To find out that you are not like everyone else, you begin to look closely at people and draw conclusions from communicating with them. Sometimes you get bored with your peers, and sometimes they get bored with you. Perhaps your uniqueness attracts some, but irritates others. You can find out that you are not like everyone else by a very simple sign - they do not treat you indifferently. The second sign of your unusualness is that relationships with other people do not develop on their own. What to do about it?
So, you learned that you are not like everyone else, and you are trying to communicate with others. Naturally, if everyone around you reads other books and listens to other music, it is extremely difficult to find something in common. Moreover, parents repeat: “Be like everyone else!” What to do? Here are some tips for the "black sheep".
- Learn to accept people as they are. Does everyone you know listen to music you don't like? Try to find out what attracts them to this music, why they like it. Listen to a few songs, maybe not everything is so bad? Of course, no one will force you to like what the majority listens to, but it won’t hurt to at least familiarize yourself with it. It's the same with literature. What if you discover a new author of interesting books? This advice is the first step towards dialogue.
- And dialogue is already communication! Try to talk about your preferences without being shy. Maybe this way you will meet like-minded people. And a few “white crows” are already a small flock.
- A small flock where all the “crows” are white is wonderful! After all, interesting communication is sometimes so lacking. You write poetry, but no one understands you? Sign up for a literary club, register on the website for aspiring poets. And you will see that there are a lot of people like you. So, look for like-minded people, people with whom you will be interested.
- Never dare to be proud! This advice is very important for people who feel different from everyone else. It often happens that the “black sheep” begins to feel smarter and better than others. This is wrong and certainly will not do you any honor. Instead of revealing your talents, you risk becoming a proud person with a nasty character. But you may not even see the talent behind these qualities.
- On the other hand, never humiliate yourself and consider yourself inferior to others. You don’t want to be seen only as a downtrodden creature that everyone makes fun of? Learn to give a worthy rebuff to offenders.
The situation is much more complicated with parents. Try to explain to them what and how. They may be pleased to find out that you are not like everyone else, especially if this is a reason for pride. If they listened to you, great! After all, the support of loved ones can do a lot.
If your parents and loved ones don’t understand you, it will be more difficult. Stay yourself and try not to do anything out of spite, otherwise you can turn from an unusual person into a poser and a rebel who only does things out of spite and against the rules. This means that such a rebel is actually very dependent on these rules.
Indeed, it is easy to find out that you are not like everyone else, but living with it is much more difficult. Not like everyone else, you have to be stronger and more independent. But it is worth remembering that many talented people felt their loneliness. Perhaps, with age, the awareness of oneself as different from others will pass. But the most important thing is not to lose faith in yourself!
“I’m not like other people!” - the most surprising thing about this phrase is that it is usually thought with two radically different emotions. Like the bitterness of disappointment “all people are like people, but I’m not like everyone else, why am I different?”, and like the idea of superiority “it seems that I’m not like everyone else, I’m different, I stand out.” Even more surprising is that often both such thought forms coexist in one head, without disturbing its owner at all. Depending on the circumstances, he pulls out one or the other of them, and builds thoughts around it. And God himself does not know what he wants more: to remain “different” or still “to be like everyone else.”
Where, why and who gets the feeling that I am not like everyone else, that I am different?
Is it good or bad to be different from everyone else?
If I'm not like other people, what does that mean?
What if I'm not like everyone else?
The feeling that I am not like everyone else sometimes comes unnoticed and just as imperceptibly becomes the norm. When those around you are rushing like a herd of sheep somewhere, for example, to a sale, a feeling of superiority arises, “but I understand that this is a deception, I am smarter, I am not like everyone else.” But when I see happy people who are simply enjoying life, say, digging potatoes in their garden, when they laugh merrily and joke at work, a feeling of pain arises: “why can’t I do the same? Why is everything different for me?” of people?"
That is, this is “I feel, feel different, different from everyone else,” and the reaction to it directly depends on other people.
Why and who gets the feeling that I’m not like everyone else?
You will be surprised, but most people this question almost never comes to mind. From the outside, we often confuse this question with other, more common ones. For example, some people ask the question “why am I not like everyone else, why don’t I earn as much as the oligarchs?” - but this is not a question of “difference”, but the most ordinary envy and the desire to earn more than it turns out. Or, another example, people ask “why am I not like other people, why am I so shy, why can’t I go on stage? Why do I stutter and blush on stage?” - but this is also not a question of “difference”, but a search for an answer to the question of where my passion for people came from, a fear of showing myself and simply a desire for deliverance.
The real thought “I’m not like everyone else,” like a sensory sensation, painful or excellent, arises only in some people. System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows us to understand that these are the owners of the sound vector.
What are they? These are people who try to find meaning in everything. Questions "why?" and for what?" are a prefix to literally everything they do in life. If some idea lives in their head, then they can move mountains: for example, by clearly realizing WHY they do their work, they become brilliant implementers.
Potentially, a sound artist is a truly exceptional person, not like everyone else, capable of extraordinary achievements. But realized people with a sound vector never think about this, such thoughts do not even occur to them. They simply rush forward at full speed, carried away by their ideas, carrying others along with them.
But it also happens that the answers to the questions “why?” and for what?" the sound guy doesn’t find it in his life. Insipid work does not give fulfillment, in childhood they were not taught to realize their desires, and in youth there was no work that could captivate. Such a person may be in hidden depression, suffer from headaches, insomnia, or drowsiness. And at the same time, somewhere in the depths of my soul there lives a little spark that everything is not as it should be. I understand that “I’m not like everyone else,” but I can’t figure out what, how and why. And because there is no answer to this “why?” it gets worse. So this feeling “I have everything, not like other people” comes out almost everywhere, now here, now there, now as a feeling of superiority, now as a feeling of pain. And a person, completely entangled in himself and others, is unable to break the vicious circle.
Is it good or bad if I'm not like everyone else?
This formulation of the question is fundamentally incorrect. This is the same as asking: is oak a good or bad tree? What about birch? Normal!
In fact, the most important thing to understand is that when we make this assessment " Fine that I'm not like everyone else" or " Badly“that I’m not like everyone else” is subjectivism, which essentially means nothing. And in fact, it doesn’t lead anywhere. So, reflections on a philosophical topic and nothing more.
A person is born with a certain set of vectors, and therefore with a certain set of desires. It is impossible to change them, alter them, or reshape them. And if a person was born with a sound vector, he
- or it is realized, that is, it finds answers to its “why?” and for what?" - and it is Fine;
- or does not find fulfillment, sits in depression, suffers - and this is Badly.
A sound engineer can easily take his place in society; his skills and abilities are in demand. The only question is, why, if there is no point? The traditional sphere for the implementation of sound artists is no longer filled, there are few of them.. Inside, from unanswered questions, the emptiness is growing more and more.. apathy and depression hidden from everyone. And this despite the fact that outwardly everything can be very good... and even excellent, by the standards of others.
More and more sound people don’t know where to put themselves, what to do with themselves, how to live in this world. The situation is aggravated by the fact that this thought “I’m not like everyone else” remains inside - it leads even more astray, pushes away from society, tears away from people where it would be possible to find an idea and still at least somehow be realized.
What should I do if I’m not like everyone else, I’m different?
To begin with, understand one simple thing: there is no such thing as a norm and everyone measures up to it. Each has its own path, its own vectors, its own background and its own implementation. In principle, no one can become “like everyone else.” Yes, no one needs this.
Every person, including a sound engineer, must realize this in life. This is what brings us satisfaction, happiness, joy. It is from this, and not from the personal feeling “I am better, I am not like everyone else,” that the heart jumps with delight. And, on the other hand, it is precisely the feeling of oneself in one’s place, needed and necessary, realized and developed, that makes it possible to no longer shrink from some kind of inferiority, “why am I not like everyone else? Why am I not like them?” On the contrary, a feeling of harmony appears and depression is completely absent.
