Aikido business negotiations. Six principles of aikido negotiations by Irina Khakamada

Today I present to your attention an interview of Ekaterina Kalysheva with Candidate of Economic Sciences, associate professor, public figure and writer Irina Khakamada.

The world of business is entirely built on the ability to come to an agreement: somewhere to offer more favorable conditions, somewhere to smooth out rough edges with personal charisma, somewhere to mention an influential patron, and somewhere to openly bluff. What to do if they try to impose unacceptable conditions on you? How to recognize manipulation on the part of your opponent and use it for your own purposes? And how does the technique of negotiations with Russians differ from negotiations with the Americans and Japanese?

How do negotiation styles differ with Russians, Asians and Westerners?

You need to negotiate with the Russians in such a way that it becomes absolutely clear to them that you don’t need anything from them. Because as soon as you make it clear, for example, to your investor that you need him, he will immediately doubt whether they want to cheat him and drag him into unnecessary and unjustified expenses? I had a case when a businessman was interested in financing my project. We met for negotiations, and for two hours I talked about anything - about cinema, about literature, about politics - but not about my project. When, finally, a potential investor asked me about the project, I simply gave him a folder with developments. As a result, we then collaborated very well.

You need to work with Americans differently - quickly and clearly: present the theses of your project, answer questions clearly. Americans are not inclined to delay making a decision, so you can get an agreement or a refusal in the first ten minutes of negotiations. It's more difficult with Asians. If they are Japanese, you will have to conduct a cunning conversation game, making curtsies towards their national culture. Smiles, mutual praise, long negotiations, goals disguised. Express your thoughts as veiled as possible, otherwise your partners will consider you a primitive interlocutor. If you happen to negotiate with the Chinese, you need to place the main emphasis on the monetary profit that this project promises them. The Chinese are quite mercantile; where there is money, there is happiness.

How to influence the emotional state of your interlocutor and evoke sympathy?

There are several important techniques. One of them is mirroring. First you need to determine the psychotype of your interlocutor. Conventionally, five such types can be distinguished. The Epicurean is a lover of life: good food, drink, women, luxury. Such people dress expensively, but awkwardly and carelessly. Negotiations with epicureans should be conducted in a good restaurant, discussing dishes, wine, etc.

Officials are rather closed people, they think hierarchically, they speak dryly, in short phrases. Dressed very conservatively. With such people you need to speak in their language, in their phrases, highlighting the benefits that the project will bring not to humanity as a whole, but to them personally.

Technocrats use English business vocabulary, they always have the latest model smartphones and expensive tablets. With them, we need to go straight to the heart of the matter: the price of this startup, profit, costs...

There are creators - people who are literally obsessed with some idea, very emotional, with a wonderful imagination. You can have a big conversation with the creator, aiming to change the world, no less!

If you happen to negotiate with a player, then you will have to work hard here. These people are able to combine several psychotypes, alternating them depending on the specific situation. And here you need to be one step ahead of your interlocutor in changing roles. This is the only way to beat the player.

For the rest, ask questions that will ultimately lead to what you have in common with this person. Find common ground, sympathy will begin. The main thing is not to be too fixated on yourself, but to be sincerely interested in the interlocutor (it is not necessary to sympathize with him) and notice details.

What to do if, during the negotiation process, partners impose unfavorable conditions?

The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly answer an argument with an argument and demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. And you need to “pull the rubber,” but do it in a lively and interesting way. If you are faced with a choice, do not rush to say “yes” or “no”, take a break. Optimal response: “Good idea! I need to think about it." Ask questions, listen, assent. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait for the conversation to turn in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then you should be more attentive and patient. If you are “pressed to the wall” and are asked to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.

There is another technique that I call the “red elephant method.” Red bishops are conditions that you are willing to give up, but your opponent doesn't know about it. Give the other side what it wants, and disguise your interests in small but key details. If your opponents are preparing a draft agreement, describe what you are willing to give up. And then fight for these positions to the death, exhausting the enemy. And leave the most important thing for you at the end, persuading your interlocutor to agree: you’ve already conceded so much!

How to recognize manipulation? And how can you then use it for your own purposes?

You need to carefully monitor your interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you have arranged a one-on-one meeting with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting accompanied by two other people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, during the negotiations, write notes to your opponent with advice. Don't get lost! Next time, come with your specialists, introducing them as assistants with whom you must go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to “put the squeeze” on you in exhausting negotiations, take with you an experienced lawyer who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the contract. If you cannot independently determine what your interlocutor is like, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and are negotiating with men over cocktails, you can take an attractive female companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, which will give you a head start of several points.

What to do if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are a member of a marginalized minority or a woman among men?

The world has still remained patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do something more cunning: negotiate by referring to a man who is authoritative in this environment. For example: “Colleagues, I would like to introduce you to this project. Steve Jobs once did something like this...” You can also change your behavior style dramatically. Just now you were chattering about the weather and shopping, and now in a businesslike tone you are finally offering to get down to business.

For the rest, don’t overwhelm your interlocutor. Try to put yourself in an internal state where your emotions have no bearing on whether these negotiations are successful or not. For example, I advise my students to do this exercise: think through to the smallest detail the next two days after the negotiations failed. Imagine how you leave the hall, call your wife/husband, smoke a cigarette, return home, read a book... In a word, so that you understand that after unsuccessful negotiations, life will go on. And then rewind this picture back, like a film, and go to negotiations.

What to do if your opponent behaves openly aggressively?

There are two reasons for being rude in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of intemperance of nature. In both cases, lean slightly to the side, letting this “hurricane” pass by, take a few breaths and calmly answer: “Perhaps you are right. But let's not get emotional. We should work together!” Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of your interlocutor. It happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - harshly and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and looking intently into the eyes of your opponent, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is a last resort when there is nothing to lose.

And lastly: you can’t win all negotiations! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and move forward again!

- How do negotiation styles differ with Russians, Asians and Westerners?

- How to influence the emotional state of your interlocutor and evoke sympathy?

- What to do if, during the negotiation process, partners impose unfavorable conditions?

The main thing is not to rush. Inexperienced negotiators often want to quickly answer an argument with an argument and demonstrate their knowledge of the issue. But you need to “pull the rubber,” but do it in a lively and interesting way. If you are faced with a choice, do not rush to say “yes” or “no”, take a break. Optimal response: "Good idea! I'll have to think about it." Ask questions, listen, assent. This is necessary so that both parties have the opportunity to relax, get used to it, consider the psychotype of the interlocutor and wait for the conversation to turn in your direction. If you are weaker in negotiations, then you should be more attentive and patient. If you are “pressed to the wall” and are asked to make a decision here and now, leave the negotiations under any plausible pretext. Never make a decision under pressure.

- How to recognize manipulation? And how can you then use it for your own purposes?

You need to carefully monitor your interlocutor and respond to his manipulation with the same manipulation. For example, you have arranged a one-on-one meeting with a future partner to discuss your project. And he comes to the meeting accompanied by two other people, introducing them as his assistant secretaries. And you suspect that these are not secretaries, but a lawyer and a psychologist who, during the negotiations, write notes to your opponent with advice. Don't get lost! Next time, come with your specialists, introducing them as assistants with whom you must go to the next meeting during the day. If your interlocutor is inclined to “put the squeeze” on you during exhausting negotiations, take with you an experienced lawyer who will not allow your opponent to include small but ambiguous clauses in the contract. If you cannot independently determine what your interlocutor is like, take a psychologist with you. This is a fairly common practice in the West. If you are a man and are negotiating with men over cocktails, you can take an attractive female companion with you as an escort. Your partners will be distracted, which will give you a head start of several points.

What to do if you are obviously weaker in negotiations? For example, if you are a member of a marginalized minority or a woman among men?

The world has still remained patriarchal, so a woman is rarely perceived as an authority. Do something more cunning: negotiate by referring to a man who is authoritative in this environment. For example: “Colleagues, I would like to introduce you to this project. Steve Jobs once did something similar...” You can also dramatically change your behavior style. Just now you were chattering about the weather and shopping, and now in a businesslike tone you are finally offering to get down to business.

- What to do if your opponent behaves openly aggressively?

There are two reasons for being rude in negotiations: either for the purpose of provocation, so that you lose your balance, or simply because of intemperance of nature. In both cases, lean slightly to the side, letting this “hurricane” pass by, take a few breaths and calmly answer: “Perhaps you are right. But let’s not give in to emotions. We can work together!” Or you can turn everything into a joke, copying the aggressive intonations of the interlocutor. It happens that all your efforts are useless. Then be prepared for the fact that you will have to part with this interlocutor, and take risks - harshly and uncompromisingly, leaning forward and looking intently into the eyes of your opponent, besiege him, threaten, bluff, if necessary. But this is a last resort when there is nothing to lose.

And lastly: you can’t win all negotiations! It's OK. Analyze your mistakes and move forward again!

Aikido is a martial art based on the use of the opponent's strength. Often in negotiations there comes a point when the parties turn to manipulation or attacks. What does someone who is attacked do? Defensive. The result is defense through excuses. Surely you have heard the expression “if you are justified, you are guilty.” It turns out that by making excuses, we become guilty, in other words, the weak side of the argument

We don’t make excuses and don’t fight

To avoid a situation in which you find yourself in the position of blame, do not argue with your opponent. Alternative: use the power of your opponent’s words in your favor through the “opposite or vice versa” technique + our position. Examples of using:

Yours is very expensive.

On the contrary, most of our clients note that with this range of services our prices are lower than our competitors.

Your company does not fulfill its obligations under the contract.

Your company pays late.

On the contrary, our company strictly complies with all payment schedules, and at the same time requires the same approach from our partners, otherwise companies such as...

Is this a trembling creature or do I have the right?

To elevate oneself above an opponent, one party (usually a potential client, current client or partner) uses emotional attacks. In such a situation, you need to choose: either endure and possibly lose face, or not allow yourself to be offended.

If everything is clear with “tolerate”, and this means, in essence, being a “pear” for someone else’s release of emotions, then how not to let yourself be offended? We use techniques in the style of Aikido - we will try to turn the opponent’s strength against him with a throw or redirection of energy.

Note - you need to understand that we are talking about a situation where your opponent’s attacks are not related to the real situation in your company, and you are firmly convinced that his arguments are fiction or rumors.

“Redirection of energy” - soft technique

On the contrary, our company strictly complies with all terms of contracts with contractors, which is confirmed by work with such companies as...

You are talking nonsense, I read on the Internet that you do not fulfill your obligations...

Unfortunately, we got carried away by criticizing each other, as a result of which we made it more difficult to achieve the goals of the negotiations. I suggest returning to the topic of discussion.

“Throw” - hard technique

Your company does not fulfill its obligations under the contract!

On the contrary, our company strictly complies with the terms of contracts with contractors, which is confirmed by work with such companies as...

What are you making up here, I read on the Internet and heard from many people that you are not fulfilling your obligations...

Your statements are directed against achieving the goals of the negotiations. Please stick to the topic of discussion, otherwise I will end the meeting.

"Throw" gives the opponent a direct signal to stop attacking. At the same time, there is no need to find out where the opponent got such information from. With the help of a “throw,” we devalue this information and lead the conversation into the direction where everything was built by us.

Bottom line

Negotiations should not be perceived as a battle. The best strategy is “win-win”, when both sides win. If a situation arises when one side wants to leave the other as a loser, using emotional pressure, do not go ahead. When you give in to emotions, you increase the risk of losing.

Use your opponent's strength against him. If the “attack” continues, redirect the energy or use a hard throw. If the opponent does not stop, it is better to end the meeting: after all, if he allows such “attacks” now, then what will happen during further work?

And remember - you are an expert, and don’t let yourself be offended.

Six principles of Aikido negotiations by Irina Khakamada

"There is always a way out - you just need to buy time to find it"

Yikido is a Japanese martial art of self-defense. The weak and small defeats the strong, large aggressor, turning his offensive power against him. In the past, a famous politician, and now an entrepreneur, Irina Khakamada successfully applies the principles of Aikido in politics and business. Her advice is especially useful if you are a small start-up company and your negotiating partners are business sharks who reject all your proposals out of the gate.

“I turned to aikido because I began to die in politics,” admits Irina Khakamada. “It’s very difficult when you are constantly attacked in debates, in negotiations - because you are a woman, because someone does not I like your appearance, nationality, and so on... I realized that in the end I would not be able to withstand this stream of aggression and I would die, not reaching my stellar dream: to become president or at least vice speaker.” (laughs). And then Irina remembered about aikido. Its main principle is saving vitality. You do not respond to aggression with aggression - this is certain death in the event of a collision with a stronger enemy. On the contrary, it is to your advantage to be attacked—and the more violently, the better. You win by taking advantage of someone else's aggression, returning his own blows to the enemy. Khakamada tried to transfer the principles of aikido into negotiation tactics and was convinced that they worked perfectly. Here is the result of her trial and error.

Red elephant method

When drawing up a draft agreement, the main point is to include those interests that you are willing to give up. This point needs to be formulated very clearly, prominently, clearly and frankly - so that only it catches the eye. This is your red elephant. Then there are less important elephant points - in them you enter interests that you would not like to give up, but in extreme cases you are ready to sacrifice them - not fatally. And what is vitally important to you should be formulated almost imperceptibly, modestly, like a technical detail. Bury it deep in the contract and discuss it at the very end of the negotiations.

Your task is to push the red bishops forward and bargain for them until exhaustion. Play for time, wear down your opponent. If you feel that you can’t handle it alone, take a lawyer with you, he will take the blow while you rest. When you no longer have the strength and everyone is tired, you say: “Listen, I gave in on the most important point, I gave in here and here. There remains some nonsense, a technical detail. Let’s sign already, I’m still small, and you are a big company,” advises Khakamada.

Force majeure button

Never sign anything on the fly, on your knees - the contract must be read by lawyers. If your back is against the wall (“Sign now or never!”), don’t give up. “Remember: in conditions of turbulence, everything is not the same as in ordinary life - there are not one or two exits, but many. “Twice two is not four, but as many as you like,” Irina shares her experience. “Even in the most deplorable situation there is a way out, the main thing is not to rush, you need a pause to find it.”

To say at such a moment: give me time to think means to anger your partners even more. Negotiations continue for many hours, but he (she), you see, needs time again. At such a moment, it is best to break off negotiations, citing unforeseen circumstances. Press the “force majeure” button on your phone. You hear a call - you need to run urgently. A fire in the office, a mother-in-law's angina attack, whatever. It’s better not to even explain anything - you jump up and run away. Partners understand: force majeure, and no one is offended by you. And you sit until the morning over the contract with your team and find a way out.

Womanizer, official, creator, manager, player

Analyze the behavior of those people with whom you most often deal in business, and formulate for yourself their main psychotypes. This way you can quickly predict the behavior of your partners and “mirror” them - achieve what you need, based on their interests. “Mirroring is not manipulation,” emphasizes Khakamada. “You do not trick a person into eating meat if he is a vegetarian. You just offer him a menu where the main dish is his interests and benefits, and yours are packaged discreetly, in the form of a salad.”

Here are five psychotypes of Irina Khakamada.

1. Bon vivant

This person loves the simple pleasures of life: food, alcohol, sex, crude humor. Most often, he has a puffy face, is overweight, and is dressed expensively but sloppily. How to mirror it: become a bon vivant for a while. Invite to a good restaurant, drink wine, talk about life, women, exchange a couple of jokes. Praise (sincerely), give compliments - bon vivants are vain. Bring a beautiful assistant with you (or an assistant, if this is a female version of a bon vivant). Ready to sign a contract? Take my word for it, sign it right away. Tomorrow he will forget about you and change his mind. In politics, Boris Nemtsov is a prominent representative of this psychotype.

2. Official

He may not be an official by position, but he has the mindset of an official. He speaks in boring nomenclatural language, is dry, and slightly tongue-tied. Gray, unmemorable appearance, dressed in no way - neither expensive nor cheap, the tie usually sits crooked. “Under no circumstances tell such a person that you are going to change the world for the better with your project,” warns Irina. “The official does not care about humanity, his motivation is material gain or career growth. This is where you start.” Promised to help? You don’t have to worry, he’ll keep his word and won’t change his mind—either tomorrow or in a month.

3. Creator

The opposite of an official. He speaks interestingly, with humor and imagery, and is dressed with taste. There is always some bright non-standard detail (highlight) in clothing - a scarf, bracelet, etc. With it, you can and should talk “about high things” - how your business will help make life better for everyone. But don’t delay the contract either: the next day he might change his mind, he’s in a mood. Examples of psychotype: Oleg Tinkov, Evgeny Chichvarkin.

“Remember: in conditions of turbulence, everything is not the same as in ordinary life - there are not one or two exits, but many”

4. Manager (technocrat)

With a good education, always cheerful, fit, knows the answers to all questions. Speaks quickly, logically, technically. Uses a lot of economic and IT words and Americanisms in his speech. He dresses very correctly - to the point of nausea. State your position just as clearly: first, second, third, insert fashionable terms. Talking to him for a long time, tediously, “humanitarianly” is a crime. Demonstrate knowledge of foreign languages and terms. You can “buy” such a manager only with new interesting knowledge. Expand your vocabulary - listen to RBC TV channel. Examples of the psychotype: Mikhail Prokhorov, Dmitry Medvedev.

5. Player

It's difficult to calculate. Dressed eclectically, with great taste - not quite a creator, not quite a manager, sometimes an official. “It’s very difficult to negotiate with such a person: you feel that he’s slipping away, getting ahead of the curve, because he’s a player like you,” says Irina. “My advice: don’t get involved with a player when it comes to serious projects: rather In all, you will lose. If you still have to negotiate with such a partner, take more breaks, take your time, relax and act more by intuition. If your reaction speed is faster than his, you have a chance to win.”

Half of the deals that are beneficial for both parties fail because entrepreneurs are hampered by their ambitions and are haunted by their pride: “But I told him everything!” In Aikido negotiations, you solve problems without humiliating your opponent or yourself. Here is an example from life. My friend’s son, a student, created a conflict out of nowhere. During class, the teacher turned to him: “Wet a cloth, wash the board and write me a couple of formulas.” The young man replied: “According to our Constitution, I am a free person and I am not obliged to wipe the board. When it’s ready, I’ll write.” The teacher hated him for such impudence.

How could one act in the style of Aikido? Say with a smile: “According to our Constitution, I’m actually not obliged to wet a rag or wipe a board, but this time I’ll do it solely for the sake of you and respect for the subject.” You were complimentary about the subject and did not offend the teacher, but hinted that it was none of your business. They removed the conflict and maintained their self-esteem. Will they turn to you next time with such a request? Hardly.

Talk less - listen more carefully

Your task in Aikido negotiations is to say less yourself and give your opponent the opportunity to speak out. If you feel that he has “caught the wave”: he speaks brilliantly, confidently, strongly, but you don’t know how to argue, then keep quiet and wait patiently. At some point he will make a mistake, and you can take advantage of his mistake and turn it into your dividends. So let the other person make all the mistakes he can. You need to be very calm, patient, relaxed, so as not to miss the moment when your time comes and it’s your turn to “attack”.

“An example from my practice. When I joined the leadership of the SPS party, I was wildly infuriated that no one there took my opinion into account. Kiriyenko, Chubais, Gaidar, Nemtsov and others will argue, shout, discuss, but they only remember me when they need to sign a document. I tried to interrupt with my voice, but they couldn’t hear me. In the end, I found a way: I let everyone talk, remained silent and waited patiently. In the end, they got tired and turned to me: “Ir, do you agree?” Here I calmly say: “You are stunned (Irina Khakamada used an obscene word here - DS).” And I take a long pause. And everyone becomes scared. Or maybe it's true? Because it is briefly said, without any hysterics. “What are you doing? What do you mean?" At this moment you need to clearly and quickly say yours: one, two, three, otherwise they will stop listening again.”

I am Buddha

It is difficult for newcomers to negotiations, especially if you are an explosive choleric person or, on the contrary, a gloomy, withdrawn introvert. We don’t ask the right questions, we’re afraid to talk about abstract topics, we can’t joke. Then you need to enter into the image - it will create the necessary energy and help you not to spill it, it will be easier for you to concentrate and relax. “During negotiations, I imagine myself as Buddha, with one hand extended, palm up - I am open, friendly and ready to negotiate. The other hand is in a defensive position. When they begin to insult me and lower me below the plinth, I mentally put my hand forward as a defense, with the other hand I intercept the flow of aggression and send it past me. Then, at the moment when the enemy makes a mistake, I bring this stream down on him with a smile - I take advantage of his mistake.” Other suitable aikido images: Harry Potter, the soft and powerful panther, the imperturbable samurai. The image should give protection, strength, but not provoke aggression; you should feel comfortable in it.

Short tips to follow

Sit halfway towards your partner, not opposite or sideways. Psychologically, this makes it easier to maintain contact and at the same time let through the negative words and aggressive energy of the interlocutor. “If you sit opposite, you will accept everything with your heart,” warns Irina. In moments when they say unpleasant things or even insult or humiliate you, you need to turn around even more. This will help you relax and internally distance yourself from the negotiation process, quickly returning your peace of mind.

Look the other person in the eye, but you shouldn’t stare at him all the time. “If you are a bespectacled person, make sure that your glasses have “good” frames,” advises Irina. “Thin gold or black ones look aggressive. The glasses should be as large as possible, the frames should be horned in a warm brown, earth color - it’s calming.” Turn off your phone and don't look at the clock - it's annoying.

Smile, at least a little Even if you say nasty things, a smile is disarming. An angry face shows that you are nervous. “I naturally have a tough expression on my face, and it’s difficult to smile, but I’ve learned,” admits Irina. “You need to learn to laugh at yourself and at others, that’s the only way to survive. If your jaw stubbornly does not relax, squeeze... your pelvis! The body is designed in such a way that it can only tense one muscle group at a time. This is a professional secret of photographers. The last resort on a shoot when the model is too tight and nothing helps.”

Gather as much information as possible in advance about partners via the Internet and from acquaintances: where you were born, marital status, hobbies, etc. In a conversation, you can use this data so that a person quickly gains confidence in you (compatriots, children of the same age, the same hobby, etc.) . Humor reduces tension very well and evokes warm feelings; self-irony is even better, but not self-deprecation in the spirit of “where are we going?”

Seat your partners in the meeting room in a way that suits them. Be sure to put hot coffee, tea, cookies (sweets, fruits), and water on the table. Everyone in the city gets tired quickly and their throats become dry. People who smoke should be able to go out and smoke occasionally. Remember: in Aikido, kindness is your main weapon and defense.

Irina Khakamada

“Even if they tell you: “You are a fool,” answer: “Yes, I am a fool!”

On February 21, Irina Khakamada held her famous master class “Aikido of Business Negotiations” at the Central House of Entrepreneurs. Slon publishes a fragment of it.

What is the art of negotiation in Aikido style? The fact is that you get good results, even if your position is less favorable than the position of the one with whom you are negotiating. Your partner is objectively stronger. But you still want to achieve your result. Aikido is the art of winning while being formally weaker than your partner. A small business talking to a big one. Or you are hired for a job - you are small, but there is such a huge company, and it is important for you to pass this test. Or you owe the bank, you took out a stupid loan, you have to pay it back, but you don’t have the money, and you come to the bank to persuade it to restructure your debts and not take away your apartment. In most cases you say: this is impossible. Maybe!

When a rapist in a movie catches a victim and is about to kill her, what does a literate victim who doesn't want to be killed do? He talks and tries to identify himself. A rapist can kill “it,” but if your name is such and such and you feel such and such emotions, it is very difficult to kill you. It is very difficult for the bank to destroy you if you have already emotionally involved him in the story of your life and he already knows everything about your first love, and about your wife, and about your children. If you are no longer just a client, but a person with certain properties, it becomes increasingly difficult to destroy you. And once you have achieved that you are identified, consider yourself a winner. Then you will definitely squeeze out your interest.

What does your victory depend on? The main principle: you know how to return aggression and use other people's energy. If you've seen me taking part in a debate, someone is yelling at me, but I'm standing calmly. Zyuganov yells: “You are trash!” - and I’m silent. Why? Because as soon as he insulted me, I rejoiced to myself: Oooh! Let's go! You start spending, you'll soon get tired! Come on, the more you spend now, the more tired you will be and the faster I can win. There is no need to be afraid of aggression, there is no need to shake, in no case should you become aggressive in response and allow yourself to be driven out of yourself. You don't have to waste energy. You reflect, you watch the person and wait for him to start spending energy. When he spends it, you get it. As soon as a person becomes aggressive, consider that you already have thirty percent of the victory. Rejoice in this! No, of course, you don’t need to smile - you pretend that you are going through something. But to yourself - rejoice.

The whole idea of aikido negotiation is that you should talk and negotiate in such a way as to give the opponent the opportunity to show aggression or weakness. Until he exhibits either one or the other, you cannot achieve your goal. You need to get him to talk. And for this you need to ask questions. If you ask the right question that resonates with a person’s soul, it doesn’t matter in what field, not necessarily professional, it can be a distracting question - about a book, an exhibition, whatever. The main thing is that the person gets turned on. If it starts, that's it, you're lucky, you've caught it. Let him talk. Let him talk about anything - about what he likes, about what he doesn’t like. If he speaks, sooner or later he will give some error. Or, at least, he will talk about himself. The second principle of Aikido is the ability to give the opponent freedom to show his mistakes. To do this, don’t forget, you need to learn to talk about anything. And ask questions about nothing. We are very weak with this.

Come up with such topics in advance - about nothing. Look through the magazines. The topics can be anything. For example: it turns out that the banana genome differs from the human genome by only 30%. There was a pause in the conversation - and you suddenly asked: “Can you imagine how different your genome is from the banana genome?” He told you, dumbfounded: “What?” And you: “No, it’s just very interesting! It turns out that I differ from Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin by only one thousandth!” Or you throw in an anecdote - there are plenty of them, read the Internet. This is the easiest way.

How to loosen your tongue? You have prepared jokes, but you can’t tell them, it’s awkward. Experiment on your friends! When guests come to you, you tell them about the banana genome.

Another good way is to say: “I don’t understand.” “I don’t understand how the banana genome can differ from the human genome by only 30%?” As soon as people are asked, they become involved, explain something to you - and now you have started a conversation.

You must learn to be relaxed. If you are tense, constantly thinking about what, how and why you are saying, nothing will work out. You must work impromptu. You drop the topic and wait relaxed. This is the only way you will catch your partner’s mistake and only this way will you understand when your finest hour is coming. It’s at this moment that you start to move like a tank. If you suddenly see: it doesn’t work - hop! And they drove off. There is no need to build any models in advance, play on emotions.

So, you need to be able to return aggression and use other people's energy. You need to be able to give your opponent the freedom to make mistakes. And be able to be relaxed and catch your upward flow.

You forget about pride. You are ready to pretend to be idiots, weak, insignificant, whatever - whoever your partner wants you to be is what you will be. Only the result is important to you. This is especially difficult for men. But even if they tell you: “You are a fool,” answer: “Yes, I am a fool!” This is the only way you can do something, get your way.

You're not in a hurry. You pull just enough to catch your flow. If the flow is not caught, you pull further. If negotiations reach a dead end, you should under no circumstances agree to sign an agreement on terms that are unfavorable to you. You pause, for any reason. We looked at the clock: “God, I completely forgot! I urgently need to jump out!” He jumped out, called, and jumped back up: “There’s such a collapse here!” Let's see you tomorrow!" - and flew out - so that they didn’t even have time to stop you. If you are weak, you must be “stuffy”, stubbornly pull your way. You won’t succeed with a saber on a horse, you’re not Prokhorov. It was he who jumped out - a grunt, and that's it, 18 billion. Do you have 18 billion? That's it. Therefore, we will have to act differently.

How do most people negotiate? They say: “I have a special project. We can achieve amazing results, and it costs three pennies. And it will be awesome. Let's get together, give us your investments. Come on, come on, come on! I have this idea! Well, such a brilliant idea!!!” What does it look like? A normal person, an investor, is sitting there. I go over, take his hand and pull him. Like: “Let’s go!” - “Where did you go?” - “But let’s go there, there’s an ice cream stand” - “But I don’t want ice cream!” - “No, let’s go, I want ice cream, so you’ll come with me!”

A person develops resistance. Especially in Russia. Russia's mentality is a country of endless betrayal. Therefore, when they openly offer something, they are trying to trick me somehow. Therefore, the first way to sell something in Russia is to say: “It’s not for sale at all, don’t even come close, everything has been sold ten years in advance to Friedman!” Then, yes, interest arises. Therefore, it is very difficult to offer anything.

The idea of aikido is that you don't grab someone by the hand and drag them to where the ice cream is. You approach a person, sit next to him, talk to him - about his affairs, about the weather. He starts telling you something, you take him by the hand and go for a walk. If you find out that your interlocutor wants a steak, then you go to the steak. And he talks, talks, talks. What were his previous negotiations about, what was bad in his life. You console, help to understand. You talk and talk, and now you have a complete understanding - and suddenly an ice cream stall appears on your way.

You don't drag him in your direction. You think all the time about what your client wants, and play only on this, on his desires. You find out these desires, you take his hand - and talk only about his beloved. You have completely forgotten about yourself. And your partner simply does not notice how you, speaking in his language about what interests him, lead him to your ice cream.