What is pessimism and how to deal with it correctly. Nine bad psychological habits

Question to a psychologist

I often, even every day, feel depressed. I'm a pessimist myself. I also want, like others, not to think about bad things, to laugh, to have fun, but it doesn’t work. my pessimism is killing me. There are moments when I can’t think about bad things, but then bad thoughts come over me again. I really want to be optimistic, but I just can’t. I can laugh, but after that I fall into deep depression again, as always. I am very afraid of the future, that I won’t succeed. what should I do? I want to be optimistic

Hello Daria, do you want to be an optimist and are asking how to become one?

First, you need to better know what qualities are inherent in optimism; you can find it all on the Internet. Then, you should develop these qualities in yourself by repeating them every time until they no longer become your habits.

Your despondency and negative thoughts have also become a habit, which is why you quickly fall into them. You should still make an effort so that your habits that prevent you from becoming an optimist finally recede into the background and allow new positive habits in behavior, in words, in appearance to come first.

This can be compared to working out in the gym. If you go there from time to time, without some kind of consistency, then you will hardly be able to build up muscles. Even if this works out, over time they will return to their original state due to the lack of constant action. Likewise, you need to constantly develop positive habits in yourself, only then can you completely get rid of your sad thoughts. Everything that is trained, develops. Persistence, work, desire and patience will help you with this. Best wishes.

Bekezhanova Botagoz Iskrakyzy, psychologist of Astana

Optimism is the habit of thinking and focusing on the good. ONLY YOU control your thoughts, so don’t say I CAN’T, tell me honestly, I don’t want to and I won’t, because at first you need to make an effort! Then IT becomes a habit. Lack of confidence in your strength is one of the signs of negative thinking, start working on managing your thoughts, start believing in your strength and everything will work out!

Dushkova Olga Nikolaevna, psychologist Syktyvkar

Hello, Daria.

Much of pessimism comes from uncertainty and self-flagellation. Most likely, you doubt your capabilities, you think that you will not be able to cope with the problem. You doom yourself to losing in advance and justify it in advance: “Well, I knew that everything would work out this way! Why bother.” It’s easy to hide behind pessimism and explain away your doing nothing. I think that you are angry with yourself, but you can’t help it, because you’re sitting in a warm and cozy swamp and don’t want to get out. If you call yourself an optimist, then you need to fight, first of all, with yourself: with your laziness, uncertainty, and comfortable existence. An optimist believes in himself and his capabilities. You, Daria, need to “roll up your sleeves” and work day and night. It's time to get out of the warm swamp.

Reshetnyak Galina, psychologist Taldykorgan

Hello, dear reader! In your environment there will definitely be a person for whom everything is always bad. The salary is low, the job has no prospects, the children are disobedient, and the other half is ugly and lazy. A friend or colleague constantly contacts you just to complain about another problem. Whine about the prolonged dark streak in life and ask for advice, which he still won’t listen to. Do you think that the depressed person is you? Then I propose to figure out why some people are inveterate pessimists, and what can be done about it.

Irresponsibility

Imagine a friend who constantly says that she can’t lose weight. Weight is growing at a rapid pace, favorite things no longer fit on plump thighs, and the family budget is bursting at the seams due to the need to update the wardrobe every month. You regularly hear: “I’m not beautiful”, “I’m tired of cellulite”, “I take the tenth route around the mirror so as not to look at my sagging belly.” And your friend is all so unhappy, offended by genetics and big bones, she sits down and stuffs herself with white meat. Already the tenth in a row. But there are still 2 hours left before the lunch break.

And you sit and think that it would not hurt the sufferer to replace the cookies with light salads, join the gym, or at least start running. And the weight will gradually decrease, and the skin will tighten, and your mood will improve. But my friend prefers to complain and eat her stress with cookies.

Many pessimists are like your fictional friend. And the reluctance to take responsibility for one’s actions and future is to blame for everything. Don't like the job? So you yourself agreed to sit in a stuffy office and receive pennies. Refused to be interviewed for a more prestigious position, although the director of a competitor company twice offered to switch to them. After all, there you need to work like a driven horse, but here you can like on social networks and play online games.

It is easier for people to blame the Universe for all troubles than themselves. After all, if you admit that the black streak is solely your fault, you will immediately have to tear your butt off the sofa and change something. Divorce your hated husband. Write a letter of resignation. Review the menu and give up your favorite sweets. In a word, get out of your comfort zone.

But many prefer not to take off their gray glasses, because while they look at the world pessimistically, it reciprocates. And you don't have to make an effort to change anything. You can sit quietly on the couch, whine about the lack of money, huge loans, and gradually become overgrown with moss.

Negative experience

Some people become pessimists against their own will. In the distant past, they were optimists who looked at the world through rose-colored glasses and knew how to enjoy every day they lived. But one day there was a big failure that changed everything.

For example, a business partner with whom the person had been communicating for more than 20 years was framed. Betrayed by her beloved husband, on whom the woman spent her youth and energy, sacrificing her own career. A child died, one of the parents or the person himself became seriously ill.

One negative event can destroy faith in justice, goodness and the right to happiness. A person decides that the Universe is against him. She will constantly trip him up, so nothing good awaits him either in a month or in five years. The lot of a pessimist is constant failure, disappointment and pain.

Environment and education

Even the most positive people who find themselves in the company of grumblers and crybabies will eventually begin to notice only shortcomings in themselves and others. The environment has a strong influence on a person. If your girlfriend constantly proves that all men are traitors and ungrateful horned animals, then one day you will believe and suspect your beloved guy of going to the left. And it doesn’t matter that the other half is always nearby, allows you to read messages at any time of the day and never stares at other people’s women, even very beautiful and seductive ones.

If parents, acquaintances, colleagues and the media prove to a person every day that there is no reason to smile, because there is devastation, crisis, poverty and survival beyond poverty all around, one day the world will be painted in gray tones. A pessimist will believe in the lack of opportunities and will not even try to change fate for the better. Or he will try, but will not succeed, will be disappointed and tell society: “You were right.”

Some people are born pessimists, but many become unhappy because of their upbringing. No one can stand it if, from early childhood, parents hammer negative attitudes into their heads:

"You're ugly";

“No, you have no talent”;

“Yura from the next apartment plays football much better”;

“Who would love you like that?”;

"Look at you? What higher mathematics? With so many brains, only windshield wipers.”

The child believes that his mental abilities are far from ideal, and the Universe did not reward him with talents or good looks. Gets used to comparing himself with more successful peers, colleagues and world celebrities. And every time he falls into depression with self-flagellation. And those around you only throw up new arguments why a person is a loser and a nonentity.

Stress and health problems

A pessimistic mood can be the result of hormonal diseases and malignant tumors in the brain. If you smiled at the world, strived for success, and then woke up one gloomy morning and realized that life was meaningless, consult a doctor. Donate blood for hormones, undergo an MRI of the head, consult with a psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Bad thoughts sometimes signal that the body is tired. From working overtime, raising three children, serving a lazy husband and lack of vacation. High loads are constant stress for the body. The nervous system, heart, and digestive organs suffer, and the risk of cancer increases. The brain warns you: “If you don’t stop and take a break, a big disaster will happen. And to make it clear to you better, let’s think about something sad and terrible.”

Small pleasures

A person becomes a pessimist if he is forced to constantly limit himself. For example, giving up chocolate to lose a couple of centimeters. Walking in old boots that are falling apart, because because of the husband’s loans and debts there is no money for new shoes. Dreaming of a vacation in Egypt or India, but giving his entire salary to renovate his younger brother’s apartment, because he himself is too lazy to even get a job as a cashier in a store.

Sometimes, to become happy, a woman just needs a delicious cake or a new fur coat, bought with money she earned. If you are tired of the constant “No”, forget about this word and say “Yes” to your most cherished desire. Take a warm bath with fragrant foam, turn on classical or modern upbeat music, uncork a bottle of your favorite wine and devote at least an hour of your life to your loved one.

Forget about lettuce and prepare a huge piece of juicy beef. Eat a chocolate bar in one sitting and don’t think about calories, extra pounds and a strict trainer. Stop wasting your savings on a husband who has a hard time turning off the computer and finding a job, and enjoy shopping. Write a letter of resignation, tell your hated boss to his face why you can’t stand him, and lie in bed for a whole month with TV shows, books and dreams of a new and happy life.

Treat yourself more often with small gifts and surprises. You don't have to buy anything. Sometimes the opportunity to defend your opinion or the right to choose brings more pleasure than leather boots or a designer bag. Be brave. Don't be afraid to be aggressive and principled. Tough hysterics with a steely character have bad thoughts less often than quiet and obedient mice who do not know how to fight back boors and rude people.

Restore your energy

Don't be surprised that you can't look at the world through the prism of optimism if you:

Every day you jump out of bed with the first rays of sun to feed your husband, children and a horde of cats;

You gallop to the garden, school, and then to work;

You sit on reports and new projects for 12 hours a day;

You dedicate your weekend to general cleaning, laundry and purchasing groceries for the week;

I forgot the last time I calmly drank tea and cookies in absolute silence.

The woman is not made of iron. She is soft, lively and also gets tired. To prevent constant stress from triggering depression, panic attacks and diseases of the nervous system, learn to relax. Believe me, the husband is quite capable of feeding the children, taking them to kindergarten and learning lessons with them. A meteorite will not fall to the ground if you turn off your phone for a day and stop answering calls from subordinates, colleagues and disgruntled bosses day and night. If you want to become an optimist, allow yourself a little vacation. Take a week off, give the cats to friends, and send your grandchildren and son-in-law to your mother-in-law. Or pack your suitcase yourself and stay with your grandmother in the village for a week. You won’t believe it, but silence, nature and delicious food sometimes work wonders and help transform even the most inveterate grumbler and pessimist.

If the project still fails without your direct participation, then try to allocate at least 2-3 hours a day for meditation. Engage in spiritual practices, learn to relax and let go of negative thoughts so that they do not clog your exhausted mind.

Don't expect a miracle

Remember one simple rule: the Universe does not give gifts to the lazy and lack of initiative. Stop complaining about work, figure and family. Take a hammer in your hands and forge personal happiness. Change the situation and environment. Finally, give your unemployed spouse a magic kick and get an interview at your dream company. Move to another city, get a new hairstyle or tattoo that you've dreamed of since you were a teenager. Get a dog, even if your significant other is against it. Go skydiving, take a hairdressing course or learn Japanese.

The brain loves change. If a person lives in a monotonous rhythm for a long time and gets stuck in a routine called “Office-apartment-sleep-office”, he becomes bored and sad. But as soon as you go beyond the usual boundaries, the world instantly changes. It becomes colorful and unpredictable, full of secrets and perspectives. The main thing is to learn to take responsibility for your destiny and life and don’t be afraid to act.

I'm beautiful and amazing

If pessimism is the result of poor upbringing and low self-esteem, consult a psychologist. Childhood traumas need to be worked through with a specialist. At home, you can make a list with all your talents and achievements. For example, you draw well, constantly generate creative ideas, help lonely old women and cross-stitch amazing pictures. You also have huge eyes, long thick hair, or a scattering of cute freckles on your face.

When you once again have dark thoughts and want to accuse yourself of the ten deadly sins, remember that you have many virtues. Or at least one. But it is precisely this that makes you a good person, an interesting conversationalist and an extraordinary personality.

Regularly stand in front of the mirror and tell your image: “I will get a promotion because I have potential. And I will learn English. I will also develop my voice. I deserve better." Repeat this mantra before going to bed, after breakfast and during your lunch break. And the world will definitely smile at you.

Winds of Change

If dark thoughts have settled in your head after tragic events, then first cry out all the grief, and then remember that life is changeable. People come and go, loved ones leave us forever, but we cannot dwell on the feeling of loss. Keep the best moments in your memory, but move on.

If your husband left you after 15 years of marriage, rejoice. The Universe has delivered you from the traitor and made room for true love. Believe me, in a few months the pain will subside, and you will have so many opportunities.

The planet is constantly changing, as are we. Just don't be afraid to let new people into your life and let go of old ones. Before you shed tears over a broken nail, think: “Will this matter in a month or a year?” If you answered “no,” then it’s not worth your worries.

Look for the positive aspects in any situation. Got fired? It’s okay, you’ll find another option with a high salary, an adequate boss and prospects. Did your neighbors flood? So you have long dreamed of re-pasting the wallpaper and installing a suspended ceiling. Broke your leg? I have long wanted to go on vacation and do nothing around the house. And now you can really lie on the couch, watch TV series around the clock and shout to your husband to bring a cup of tea and cookies.

Dear reader, pessimism deprives you of many wonderful things. It does not allow you to develop and move on, so you need and can fight against dark thoughts. Learn to love yourself and assert your own boundaries. Increase your self-esteem and don’t be afraid to achieve what you’ve long dreamed of. Love life, find positive moments in it and don’t be sad if something doesn’t go according to plan. We don't know about all the plans of the Universe.

How do pessimists and optimists think differently? The first and most important aspect of a pessimistic outlook on life is its negative focus. Pessimism is destructive for all manifestations of personality, because it takes away a person’s faith in his own strengths and the positive results of his activities.

Another big aspect of pessimism is the tendency to ruminate about problems and negative emotions. Pessimistic people tend to go deeper into themselves, and they replay experienced negative events and feelings in their souls over and over again, trying to understand what went wrong. Analyzing a problematic emotion only leads to more expression of that same emotion. So if you are depressed and you write in your journal about how bad things are, it will only make things worse. We tend to think that we need to “blow off steam” and “express ourselves,” but this can sometimes magnify the problem to the point where it becomes overblown. Thus, a trivial incident becomes an all-consuming disaster.

Pessimism is not exactly the same thing as depression, but they are strongly related. Overcoming pessimistic thinking patterns can also reduce your tendency to become depressed. Psychologists write that negative thinking resembling symptoms of depression can be called a disease. This is a disorder of conscious thought. This may seem like a radical statement to some of you, but it certainly gives us the prospect of positive change. “I can’t change my genetic inheritance, but I can largely control what goes on in my head.” Of course, we can't begin to change our self-talk unless we learn about it first. The trouble is that our own thoughts are so familiar and automatic that we don't even notice them. If you constantly tell yourself, “God, I'm so unlucky,” then most likely this image of yourself will correspond to the realities of your life.

By observing your thoughts from the outside, you can really see what is happening to you. Then you have a better chance of changing your stream of consciousness. Here are some simple methods:

1. Practicing breathing exercises helps you slow down your thoughts so you can better cope with them. Practice breathing in 4 counts, inhaling to a count of 8 and exhaling to a count of 18. Do this at least four times a day. This activates stretch receptors in the lungs, which then send an “all is well” message to your brain, interrupting the neural responses that cause the release of stress hormones. Thus, deep breathing is like an "emergency brake" that stops the tension reaction.
2. Relax, focus, observe your thoughts and simply allow them to flow as normal. You won't have to actively resist them: they will fall apart on their own, just like a firework explodes and then falls off as sparks. Thoughts cannot sustain themselves without your help. When you stop supporting them, they will leave. If you have a mantra that you know, then you can recite it to calm yourself. If not, you can use the word "calm" or any other keyword you want. When you find yourself in a pessimistic stream of thoughts, simply repeat your keyword or mantra.

Before you begin to talk about such a concept as an optimist, you first need to understand and understand this term. An optimist is a person who looks at life only from the positive side. In any business, action or personality, he looks only for good qualities and aspects. Such a person will always find a way out of any situation. Moreover, even if something doesn’t work out for him, he will definitely try to fix it.

Today there is another type of person, completely opposite to the optimist - the pessimist. This person has only a negative view of everything that happens around him. Such people do not believe in the best and try with all their might to refute it. Often these negative views affect many civilians.

Comparison of optimists and pessimists

It’s worth noting right away that this type of people’s attitude towards themselves is significantly different. Optimists are completely confident in their abilities, they try to improve themselves - that is why they always have the energy and initiative to perform noble deeds.

Pessimists, on the contrary, do not have confidence in themselves and their capabilities; they count in advance on a bad result. Because of this uncertainty, the pessimist fails to carry out assignments properly, and failure can often lead to depression.

Optimism is an excellent assistant in work, which can block many negative factors.

Another difference between these types of people is their attitude towards their failures and successes. A pessimist blames only himself for any defeat, but is not surprised by what happened, since he was ready for such an outcome.

An optimist has a monotonous attitude towards success - he begins to thank everyone who helped him in any business or situation.

Attitude to life is another criterion that distinguishes a pessimist from an optimist. A pessimist's life is quite monotonous, since he is absolutely sure that it is impossible to live happily. Such people cannot show their joy, emotions, good mood, and all because they are sure that after this they will not have anything good.

An optimist, on the contrary, is always in a great mood, he is quite sociable, cheerful, and shows initiative. That is why the circle of optimists is an interesting and exciting community.

Oddly enough, the health status of these types of people also differs. It's all about endorphin - the hormone of happiness. For optimists, it increases daily, so they feel kind and happy every day they live. In addition, with an increase in this hormone, the immune system is strengthened, which means that the body is more determined to resist many diseases. This is why pessimists constantly complain about their health, while optimists are cheerful and cheerful.

If everything in your life happens as you planned, it can’t make you happy. But if you constantly face problems and obstacles on your life's path, everyone can turn into a pessimist, because not everyone can withstand temporary difficulties.

Many have probably wondered: is it possible to become an optimist? The answer to this question is simple - you can. Since in this case everything depends on your mood and thinking: if you reorient your thoughts to positivity and joy, then you will certainly succeed.

It often happens that something bad happens again. Many people say the standard phrase: “Everything is bad again.” At the same time, most people don’t even realize that with these words we transfer failure to the list of patterns. In fact, it has long been necessary to rethink your attitude towards troubles and failures.

The science that helps a person turn negative thoughts and situations into positive ones is quite complex, but, nevertheless, it is necessary to learn it. Only in this case will you always be able to find a way out of any difficult situation.

The basic “rules” for changing from a pessimist to an optimist are:

Creating a Positive Mood

It’s a shame, but often we make ourselves depressed with our negative thoughts and words. Moreover, we ourselves, as it were, program ourselves for a bad result with many standard phrases: “I can’t do this,” “I’m unlucky again,” and so on. With this behavior we drive away luck and all the bright things that could happen to us.

You must set yourself up to the fact that you have plenty of time and opportunities to correct the situation. Moreover, you must understand that failure is not a reason to give up and hope for the worst. If you constantly stop yourself and perceive everything too pessimistically, sooner or later it will become a habit, and you will not be able to do anything about it.

And remember, if you want to become an optimist, do not use the phrases “never” and “I won’t succeed,” as they morally prepare a person for the fact that she will not be able to accomplish this or that thing.

Stop self-flagellation

The distinguishing feature of an optimist from a pessimist is who blames whom for all their failures. An optimist believes that all the failures that occur are just a temporary phenomenon that should not be paid attention to. A pessimist, on the contrary, begins to blame his loved ones, or himself, for what is happening. It is quite difficult for such people to cope with problems due to their low self-esteem - this is why pessimists often become fixated on what is happening.

If you look at life, you will notice that optimists always reserve the right to make mistakes, so everything always turns out well for them. To change your life and attitude towards everything around you, you need to constantly remember what a smart, well-read, purposeful, self-confident person you are and how you always do the right thing. Then it will be much easier for you to cope with emerging problems, and you will gradually turn into an optimist.

Look for friends who are optimists

Nowadays, many people try to adapt to the opinions and behavior of others, be it a friend, acquaintance or relative. If you think about it: how will a person be in a good mood if there are only “whiners” around you? Optimists are people who always rejoice in life and enjoy it, and they also force people close to them to do this.

Therefore, if you decide to become an optimist, look for a pleasant interlocutor who will not make you sad and melancholy, but will be able to cheer you up at any moment.

Listen to calm classical music

Often, depression that causes pessimism occurs due to a lack of coherence in the functioning of the hemispheres of the brain. Fortunately, today there are many methods, massages, techniques and trainings that can harmonize the work of the hemispheres. Experts say that classical music is an excellent sedative for the brain. In addition, it is capable of developing thinking, memory and many human skills.

Determine your purpose in life

Pessimists are people who justify their unsuccessful lives by lack of purpose. And this is not surprising, because without it you will not be able to understand what you want to achieve in life. And a person with a goal set for himself will achieve it no matter what. Try to find an interesting activity, hobby, hobby, etc. - then you will immediately notice that your life will be filled with joy and meaning.