Ten life tips on what to do when everything is bad. I can't live without you or love addiction

Hello, father. If the situation is such that a person is often offended by me - just like that, sometimes because he is in a bad mood, sometimes I state the facts, say directly what is, without exaggeration - again he is very offended, reproaches... It’s somehow strange to me In this case, ask for forgiveness a little. It’s not difficult, of course, but, in my opinion, a person’s pride plays out, and I don’t see my guilt... Neither evil word, not a bad thought... Thank you. Vetch.

Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko answers:

Hello, Vika!

And the truth can hurt painfully, so we need to say things that are unpleasant to our loved ones, even if they are fair and objective, delicately and carefully. And sometimes you can remain silent if there is a possibility that you will not be heard or will be misunderstood. In general, when communicating with others, delicacy and sensitivity are required on our part. To be heard, you need to be able to find right time, correct intonation. Finding the right tone in communication is difficult creative task, but it is possible to solve it. Remember, we can change our loved ones only by changing ourselves, that is, we must make more demands on ourselves than on them. And sometimes you need to be ready to forgive loved one, be the very first to ask for forgiveness, even if it is not our fault, but not hypocritically, but sincerely, to maintain peace in the family. Learn to accept your loved ones for who they are, with possible shortcomings. However, here it is important not to go to the other extreme, when we indulge in things that we should not indulge in. It is best to look for the right tone of communication by analyzing certain situations in a personal conversation with a priest in order to clearly understand where you are right, where you need to give in and humble yourself, even if we are right, and where we are wrong. So, step by step, we will learn proper communication with neighbors, in which there will be no resentment, but there will be love that covers everything.

Sincerely, Archpriest Alexander Ilyashenko.

Don't forget that life is not one day. If it didn’t work out today, everything will be different tomorrow. Friends forgot to call - there will be time and you won’t call. All the clouds that are gathering over our heads are all temporary. Difficulties must be overcome.

“It happens that no matter where you look, everything is bad. I give up, I don’t want to do anything, my soul is sad and, as luck would have it, my friends don’t call, I’m a mess at work, and on TV it’s a complete nightmare, the photos taken by my beloved Sony DSC-TX55 disappeared without a trace on my PC.” - writes the website growth.in.ua. And what to do when everything is bad? How to get out of this state when do you feel bad? What to do?

We offer you a number of tips and hope you find the answer for yourself, what to do when everything is bad.

1. Think only about good things

Remember, absolutely everyone can change their life. All you need is desire. And you need to start changing your whole life with your own thoughts. If you constantly think about only bad things, they will come to you. You have heard the phrase many times that thoughts are material. What does this phrase mean?

2. Speak only about good things

It is not enough to just think about the good, because the word is also material, so you need to talk about the good. With friends, at home, at work, say that life is getting better, everything is just fine. If your acquaintances begin to discuss the topic in front of you: “where is this world heading,” do not support this discussion. After all, you know that everything will be fine, life gets better every day.

3. Don't drink

Don't try to drown all your problems with alcohol. They will only increase. In addition, you will lose your health and a lot of money. The same goes for smoking. This is a direct path to permanent illness.

4. Play sports

We can advise you to go in for sports: it gives positive emotions, health. It is not necessary to achieve records; a regular jog, swimming pool, or morning exercises is enough. It not only invigorates the body, but also strengthens the spirit. After this, you will not want to think about the bad, decide how to overcome depression.

5. Love

Love always changes life for the better. She brings a sea of positivity and happiness into our lives. This bright feeling turns our lives upside down, inspires us to achieve feats and achieve success. How can there be depression if you love and are loved?

6. Give free rein to your emotions

It’s not true that you can’t help your grief with tears. Sometimes it is enough to cry when your soul is bad to see life in a new light, to understand that it is not over yet, that there are other interests in life.

Try to look at your situation impartially. Is she really that sad? Look around how many people around you have it much worse. But they continue to live, rejoice, and fight.

8. Communicate

When everything is really bad, you really want to withdraw into yourself, not see anyone, not communicate with anyone. This is the wrong way. On the contrary, be among people who can listen to you and ease your suffering.

9. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, start taking action.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself: many people have it worse than you. Take action. This is the only way to change the situation. Or start a new life.

10. Ask loved ones for help

Don't hesitate to ask family or friends for help. For any person, timely support can be very important. It will help solve a lot life problems and find a way out of any situation and especially when I feel bad (What should I do?).

What is love addiction? Who is susceptible love addiction? How to get out of love addiction?

Tell me, do you ever have a condition when you can’t live without a person for a second? Can't work, do you think about him all the time? I think almost every person who has ever fallen in love has experienced this state. A state of passion when you are guided not by reason, but by feelings.

In order to understand what love addiction is, you need to understand the concepts of love and falling in love. And if falling in love can be defined as a state of passion and immersion in feelings, with love it turns out to be more complicated. Here, in addition to feelings, the mind comes into play.

In society you can meet different definitions love. It is often said that love is a disease. In fact, when they say this, they mean just love addiction (L.Z.). Love is not a disease.

A loving person is aware of the strengths and weaknesses of his partner and accepts him. He evaluates it adequately. When a person falls into love addiction, he has no choice. In relationships, he is not guided by his own sensations, desires and feelings, but is completely focused on how the other feels and thinks.

Who is susceptible to love addiction?

Both men and women are almost equally likely to end up in dependent relationships.

The age of a dependent person ranges from 13 to 60. That is, regardless of past experience and intelligence.

A person with low self-esteem. Often in the families in which these children grew up, they lacked attention and love. Attention to his feelings and experiences. Such a person believes that attention must be earned.

A woman prone to love addiction does not know how to accept love from those men who give it to her. It is important for her to seek the love of those men who cannot give it. Subconsciously, she chooses a cold man, unavailable. She thinks that with the power of her love she can change a man and achieve his love and attention. However, a man who does not respect you and does not love you will no longer change his attitude. But the dependent woman continues to hope that she will melt his feelings, that she will be appreciated and loved.

A person who loves too much. Moreover, the less attention the partner pays to him, the more he is drawn to him.

For example, a dependent woman completely loses herself in a man, absorbed in memories of her time spent with him and dreams of how they will meet again. Without it, she experiences withdrawal (like a drug addict) and cannot do other things.

How do people become so dependent?

This is a problem only for the person who has fallen into this addiction. He has a need to depend on another, to suffer. A person in this state is inadequate: he is constantly in his own thoughts, many things irritate him, he can constantly snap.

A person who is in L.Z. cannot always break his connection on his own.

How to get out of love addiction on your own?

1! Understand that I am dependent (realize).

How to understand this? – Relationships hurt me. You are hurt, but you cannot get out of this relationship, despite the fact that no one is holding you back.

When a person realizes that he is dependent, he begins to look for ways out. And in this case, it is better to seek help from a specialist.

What can you do on your own now?

Ask yourself a question: What emotions does our relationship bring to me? Most often, pain, disappointment, resentment, suffering, loneliness are constant companions with L.Z. It is best to write down the answer, because it is very difficult to see yourself from the outside.

What do I get from this relationship? Why do I need this?

See how my values coincide with this person.

How does he behave towards me? And how does he generally behave?

2! When you see what is happening in a relationship and realize that it is a disease. A natural question arises: Am I really meant to feel pain? Or am I created for happiness?

Of course I want to be happy!

What am I doing for this?

To do this, I either end the relationship or talk about what hurts me.

3 scenarios:

Stay with a partner who doesn’t value you, doesn’t love you, doesn’t respect you.
Leave him and look for your love (but again, the dependent woman chooses the same partner)
Choose personal growth and overcoming addiction.

The first option is based on patience, and such behavior of a woman in our culture is regarded as heroic. How many TV series and novels have been filmed about a suffering, all-forgiving woman who has been humiliated for years by her “beloved.” As if a woman should deserve love. Many people don't even know what a healthy relationship is.

If falling in love inspires a person, then L.Z. on the contrary, it causes depression, masochism and self-torture. The concept of love is distorted in society, which is often associated with suffering. Suffering is accepted as normal.

“There is no sadder story in the world than the story of... love addiction.”

Therefore, you must first realize your dependence and remove all hopes that the relationship will change. Moreover, there may not be much love in a relationship, but as soon as dependent person deprived of the opportunity to communicate with the object of his affection, withdrawal begins.

For example, a man says: "I don't believe in love". A dependent woman immediately falls in love and tries in every possible way to prove that she exists. An independent woman will immediately leave this man.

Or, for example: “All women cheat. I don't trust anyone". A dependent woman will prove the opposite. She will remain faithful to him for years, he will cheat on her. Because he can no longer be convinced.

A dependent woman needs challenges to live. Therefore, it is not surprising that many women live for years with alcoholic husbands, who may beat them and not respect them at all.

What do you need to understand?

Every person deserves the right to love. Just like that, because he was born human. Love does not need to be won, it cannot be suffered. It's just given. You just need to look for that person with whom you can build harmonious relationships. A relationship that will bring respect, affection, support and love.

Psychologists believe that our reactions to other people say much more about ourselves than about the people to whom we react in one way or another. According to psychological theory fields, rejection of other people’s qualities or behavior patterns indicates that we do not accept these same qualities, we reject them in ourselves.

How to understand and accept yourself

You may ask, why can’t we accept certain qualities in ourselves and they begin to irritate us in other people? The answer to this question lies in our childhood and upbringing.

- Think about who and why really irritates you. Write it down on paper.

- Think about whether this trait (the cause of your irritation) is in yourself.

- If you find this trait in yourself, ask yourself a question: why don’t I accept this trait in myself? Within some time, the answer should come to your mind. He may be in verbal form or in the form of an image-picture, memory. Write down what comes to your mind.

- Now try to clearly formulate: what attitude prevents you from accepting this or that quality in yourself? And who imposed this attitude on you (often these are your closest relatives, school teachers or any ideology of the state)?

- Think: is it really this installation does it justify itself now? Do you personally agree with her? If not, then why follow other people's rules?

- After you realize that the imposed attitudes do not bring you any benefit, think again about your irritant. Does he still annoy you? If not, this means that the work on yourself has been done successfully and you have been cured of what previously poisoned your life!

Often in life, in order to rely on something, we strive to evaluate many of its manifestations. These are events, human qualities, objects, etc. We often think whether this is good or bad. And for any reason.

Sometimes this really helps: when you need, for example, to evaluate work or study, or any result achieved.

But sometimes it does a lot of harm. This often concerns human qualities. The fact is that people are not ideal a priori; they cannot have everything “A”. This is their peculiarity. And the most important thing is to accept that a person himself is very different, he can be anything he wants. different situations. And it’s more useful to treat this without judgment. Then life will become much easier. And if you have set a goal to change something in yourself, you need to do it without self-flagellation and rejection, but with ease and pleasure!

Of course, passing data practical stages acceptance is a rather difficult task. Difficulties may arise in each of them. The fact is that in our psyche there are certain defenses that do not allow us to sharply “pick” sore spots. Sigmund Freud spoke about this.

to devalue what is written means that it is most likely too early for you to perform such manipulations with yourself. Perhaps the time for this will come a little later. Ponder this.

Some psychologists divide people into two types: those who look for the reasons for their failures and negativity in others, and those who believe that the reason lies in themselves.

Of course, it is easier for people of the second type to develop and grow, since they are initially, as it were, “on on the right track" And those who are inclined to blame fate, others, God, the state, etc. will have a more difficult time. After all, in fact, no one except ourselves is responsible for our lives.

— According to statistics, approximately 25% of the population of our planet have increased irritability or the so-called “high start readiness.” These unfortunate people are ready to “start up” with a half-turn, literally from every little thing. Why unhappy? Yes, because they have a 5 times higher risk of having a heart attack and 3 times higher chances of being left without a life partner than more balanced people. A good reason to start taming your irritability, isn’t it?

— According to surveys, most men and women are annoyed if their significant other: constantly grumbles and finds fault with members of the household; negative attitude towards the whole world; makes increased demands on the partner; does not keep his promises; does not pay attention to his spouse; spends more than he earns, and (attention!) spends on himself, not on his family; is jealous of a partner for no reason; does not maintain order in the house; does not care about children; looks sloppy.

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What to do if a person annoys you

Surely each of us has experienced an inexplicable hostility towards someone, for example, a work colleague with whom, in any case, we cannot avoid contact. In other cases it is much easier to do. In principle, this situation is quite common. First, you need to decide with yourself: what exactly irritates you in a particular person.

Perhaps this person reminds you of someone from the past who was not your favorite, or this person caused you a lot of trouble. But your colleague, or just an acquaintance, is not to blame for this situation, and you should admit it.

Perhaps the whole point is that actions, manners, character traits remind you of your own, especially if they are among those that you do not like about yourself? After all, it often happens that in others we are irritated by precisely those shortcomings that are inherent in us.

Or maybe you just like, on a subconscious level, unpleasant experiences? After all, this gives life, to some extent, a certain spice. Try to find the source positive emotions, to do this you just need to look around.

Also, this may be caused by a desire to escape from one’s own sad thoughts and troubles. You don't want to reopen your own wounds and search for solutions to decorate own life and make it more beautiful and amazing. Thinking about what is difficult for you to work with unpleasant people of course it's easier.

If something specific in the behavior of a colleague or acquaintance irritates you, then think about the fact that you are also not without your own shortcomings, which can cause hostility in other people, but in relation to you.

Don't forget that even bad attitude to a person, speaks of your indifference to him. Think carefully, is this person important to you? If you respond positively to yourself, then perhaps this will be the beginning of a great friendship between you. If you don’t need him at all, then you shouldn’t be tormented by mental anguish; do you really suffer because of a random person?

By analyzing your attitude towards a person and your behavior towards him, you can take specific measures.

If a colleague is so important to you that you cannot continue to be in the same room with him in a business environment, then you should change this very environment. Perhaps it is better for you to change your place of work, move to another department, rearrange the furniture in your office to avoid unnecessary communication and contact with this person. If your relationship boils down to business only, then you should communicate with him only about the decision professional tasks and questions. But discuss questions with him general, drinking tea and so on should not be done.

Try to change yourself. First, use willpower so as not to get irritated with or without reason. Negative emotions harm your mental and physical health, so keep them to a minimum. Secondly, try meditation, it calms and regulates the mind. Thirdly, accept the person for who he is and don’t expect anything else from him, resign yourself and let go of this situation.

Start thinking positively and with humor. Try to find in a person positive traits or quality, and conflict situations translate it into a joke, at least for yourself. Step back from the situation and look at the person from the outside; he probably makes a funny face when he’s angry, or he makes funny gestures.