Death is rarely thought about specifically in the course of life until it happens in the immediate environment. And at such moments a person stops and does not know at all what to do or how to live further. The usual picture of the world is destroyed, since one of its important components no longer exists - loved one.

In this article I will talk about: living through all the feelings associated with this, surviving the loss and starting to build new picture of your world.

My main goal is to talk about how to cope with the death of a loved one as carefully as possible for yourself.

Navigation through the article “How to survive the death of a loved one. Part 1":

The first stage of grief: numbness

This stage usually lasts up to 9 days. An extremely powerful and significant event occurred: a loved one died. This is a serious crisis, and it is impossible to understand the full meaning of what happened at once. During this period, people who have lost a loved one may appear indifferent and unemotional - this is to a certain extent altered state of consciousness.

If you have lost a loved one, during this first acute period you are in a state of shock. It is not recommended to be alone in this state. It is important to have people nearby who can take care of you: prepare food for you, sit next to you, hug you.

You may feel like you're not feeling something you should be feeling. Your feelings are now on pause, the psyche protects you from all the intensity of feelings that can hit you at once. The funeral will take place, you will finally understand that your loved one has died, and after short time face all painful feelings.

During grief, especially in the very first period, it is harmful to use alcohol or medications, since these substances inhibit all internal processes.

Unfortunately, this recommendation is ignored in our culture, which provokes difficulties in coping with the grief of loss. An important, but unconscious work takes place in the human psyche, for which everyone is needed. internal resources. Alcohol and sedatives take a person away from painful reality, while it is necessary to immerse oneself in this reality in order to face all the feelings associated with the death of a loved one.

Stage 2 of Grieving: Facing Your Feelings

At this stage, which lasts up to 40 days, there is a meeting with painful feelings associated with the death of a loved one. At this stage, you may feel sadness, anger, resentment, guilt - all together, each feeling separately and in any order.

It is very important to admit to yourself the feelings you are experiencing and express them in a constructive way. This is not easy in our culture: for example, it is believed that it is impossible to be angry with a deceased person. But the ban on expressing feelings does not negate the presence of these feelings, they simply remain locked inside and prevent you from fully experiencing grief.

If intense feelings associated with the death of a loved one do not subside for a long time, “hold” you, take away your vital energy, it means that something inside is preventing you from letting go of the deceased person.

Most likely, you are stuck on some feeling that is preventing you from continuing. internal work grief. And in this case, the answer to the question “” will be to allow yourself to feel all the emotions associated with the death of a loved one.

Getting stuck on feelings

Often a person gets stuck on one of the forms of expressing feelings of anger: , , .

No one is perfect, and a deceased loved one could leave bleeding wounds in your soul. Anger in this case is most often associated with unjustified expectations - with what you really wanted in a relationship with this person, but he could not give it to you.

Guilt is the other side of anger: it is anger directed at oneself. You may blame yourself for hurting or offending the deceased person, for not having time to ask for forgiveness or to say about your love for him, for being angry with him during his lifetime and not understanding something. These are natural human feelings arising in any relationship. It is true that our words or actions can hurt another person. We're not perfect either.

After anger, resentment and guilt are acknowledged and expressed, sadness remains inside. It is the feeling of sadness that helps to do the inner work of mourning. And the next short answer to the question of how to survive the death of a loved one is to survive his loss.

Sometimes you get stuck on the feeling of sadness: you seem to be holding on to the person who has left, you cry a lot, you are afraid to fully accept the fact that he is no longer around.

Visualize your loved one in front of you and tell him everything that you did not have time to do before his death. Imagine what he could answer you: this is a person close to you, and you can probably imagine his reaction to your words. Internal dialogues are as real to our psyche as communication with people in life.

If you are angry with the deceased, tell him everything that you expected from him during his lifetime. If you feel guilty, ask for forgiveness. You may want to thank him for something. If you are overwhelmed with sadness that the person is no longer around, tell him about your love and how the relationship with him was important and dear to you.

You may feel like crying during this dialogue: these are tears of loss. Crying when experiencing grief is completely natural and constructive way expressing your sadness.

Thus, you name your feelings, “legalize” them, allow yourself to experience them, and gradually their intensity and painfulness will decrease.

It is unknown how many times you will need to “talk” with your deceased loved one, exactly how long you will be angry, how many tears you will need to cry - these are all individual processes. But in order to survive the death of a loved one, you will need to go through all this pain.

The third stage of grief: recovery

This period usually lasts a year, which is also called the year of vulnerability. The previous stage is repeated many times: a meeting with different feelings caused by the death of a loved one.

Over the course of a year, all the regular events happen that evoke associations with the deceased person and help us accept that he is no longer around: birthdays, New Year, change of seasons, some others significant events. You learn to live on, without a loved one, change your picture of the world and form a new idea of ​​the future.

A real person died, this irretrievable loss. But you still have his image inside, ideas about him, feelings from him. Everything valuable that you received in this relationship is inside you. You have lost someone, but the memories and experiences of that relationship will stay with you forever.

You have already admitted to yourself all the different feelings associated with the death of a loved one, and allowed yourself to live through them.

Gradually, you begin to think less and less about the past and be in the present more often. You already allow yourself to enjoy life and feel the joy of the present moment. And then you begin to look into the future and plan your life.

All this suggests that you are beginning to build a new picture of the world, which means that the process of experiencing the death of a loved one is ending. And your life goes on.

If you have fully lived through all these stages, then you will not have a question about how to survive the death of a loved one. But you may feel that something does not allow you to move on, does not allow you to look into the future and constantly returns you to the past. Most often this is a story about needs, which will be discussed below.

How to cope with the death of a loved one and let him go

In relationships we satisfy different psychological needs, for example: in love, attention, support, security, acceptance. In close relationships, two opposing needs are possible. The first, accompanied by resentment and anger, is when the deceased person could not give you what you really needed.

These feelings are rooted in childhood - when our parents, being, like all people, imperfect, could not give us everything.

For example, as a child you wanted your mother to play with you, talk to you and be interested in your experiences. And the mother could be too busy with work, household responsibilities, or her own personal worries. And she had no time left to communicate with you. Behind this could be a need for attention - attention to your personality.

We try to satisfy such needs, coming from childhood, in relationships with loved ones. But the lack from childhood is too global for another person to make up for. Sometimes we continue to expect something from our parents even as adults. And then it can be difficult to survive and accept their death.

The second point about needs is related to sadness and loss. If you continue to grieve for the good things associated with the deceased person, it means that you received something from him that you do not see the opportunity to receive in other relationships.

And here we return again to childhood lack: you did not learn to interact with some of your needs on your own and placed responsibility for this on another person. The person probably took on this role. But it was so convenient for you, and as a result it became habitual.

In order to understand how to cope with the death of a loved one, it is important to understand what exactly you have lost. Answers to next questions will help you identify the needs that are important to you:

• What was valuable to you in your relationship with this person?
• What was this relationship like for you?
• What did you get from your relationship with him?
• How did you feel when you were around this person?

With the death of a loved one, you are faced with the need to think about things you never thought about before. For example, you may be afraid to make decisions, you may lack some knowledge, or you unbearably miss the feelings you received in your relationship with the deceased person.

At this moment, you have a choice: remain in such an infantile and dependent position, suffering from the inability to do something, or start looking for ways to solve the difficulties that have arisen and satisfy your needs. In this case, the death of a loved one can trigger the next stage of your psychological maturation.

Take, for example, the need for attention, which was already mentioned above.

How can you give yourself attention? You may begin to take an interest in yourself and your condition. In my opinion, the question is very helpful in this: What is happening to me now? It can also be very useful to listen to your desires.

In general, I recommend turning the focus on yourself in such situations. If this particular need is not satisfied for you, you are most likely accustomed to receiving attention from other people. But this way you make yourself dependent on others. Can you learn to give yourself necessary attention on one's own.

In the next article " How the death of a loved one affects your life“I will continue to talk about how to cope with the death of a loved one and avoid possible getting stuck in this process.

If you feel that it is difficult for you to cope with the emotions associated with the death of a loved one; something is stopping you from letting him go; you don’t want to look into the future - you can apply for individual consultation, and I will help you live through your grief as carefully as possible and understand how you can move on without a loved one.

In our culture, it is not customary to teach condolences. Therefore, immediately after tragic events, you will hear many times from others that you need to hold on. But it is normal to be sad, worry and suffer in this situation.

We are all different. That is why even in materials about the reaction of schoolchildren to grief they write that some children will ask for care, others will get angry, others will eat, others will cry, and others will fall into a stupor. The psyche copes (and fails) with the load in different ways.

Adriana Imzh, consulting psychologist

2. Give yourself permission to experience in a way that suits you.

You probably have a template in your head for how a person should behave in the event of tragic events. And it may be completely different from what you feel.

Trying to force yourself into an idea of ​​what you are supposed to experience will add guilt to your grief, making it even more difficult to cope with the situation. So allow yourself to suffer naturally, without living up to anyone’s (including your own) expectations.

3. Look for support in advance

There are days that will be especially difficult: birthdays, anniversaries, etc. important dates associated with the deceased person. And it’s better to take care in advance to create an environment in which it will be a little easier for you to survive this time.

According to Adriana Imzh, it is important to remember that, despite some existing calendar (9 days, 40 days, year), each person experiences time in his own way: someone is able to face grief only after a few months, when the shock is released, and Some people are already fine by this time.

If grief lasts for several years, it means that the person is “stuck” in the experience. In a way, it’s easier this way - to die with the one you loved, to stop your world with him. But it’s unlikely that he wanted this for you.

And of course, even those who try to move on with their lives have difficult days: when something was remembered, a flashback happened, or it was simply “inspired by music.” It’s normal to cry, be sad, and remember - if this is not what your whole life consists of.

IN difficult situations ask a friend for support or lock yourself in a room with a photo album and handkerchiefs, go to the cemetery, wrap yourself in your loved one’s favorite T-shirt, go through his gifts, take a walk where you loved to walk with him. Choose those ways to cope with it that make you feel better.

4. Limit unpleasant contacts

In an already difficult time, you will most likely have to communicate with different people: distant relatives, family friends and so on. And not all of them will be pleasant.

Limit unwanted contacts so as not to add to your negative emotions. Sometimes it’s better to communicate with a stranger on the Internet than with your second cousin, simply because he understands you and she doesn’t.

But, according to Adriana Imzh, it is still worth accepting condolences, since in our culture it is simply a way to give you space to grieve.

Yes, perhaps these people do not experience loss the same way as you. But they understand that you are sad. They recognize that the person has died, and that is important. This is better than when no one cares and you are not allowed to experience your emotions.

Adriana Imzh, consulting psychologist

5. Don’t be surprised by your fears and worries

We know that we are mortal. But the loss of a loved one usually sharpens the understanding that this can happen to anyone. Sometimes this leads to numbness, increases the fear of death, an understanding of the meaninglessness of life, or, conversely, causes a painful thirst for life, sex, food or adventure. There may be a feeling that you are living incorrectly, and the desire is everything.

Give yourself time before you do anything. In therapy, this is called the 48-hour rule, but in the case of a severe loss, the wait can last longer.

Adriana Imzh, consulting psychologist

Most likely, the idea of ​​shaving your head, leaving your family and going as a freelancer to the Seychelles is not the only one. Let it settle, and then act if the desire is still there. Perhaps in a couple of days it will change somewhat.

6. Drink less alcohol

Sometimes alcohol seems to be the answer to all problems. But getting drunk and forgetting is a short-term way to deal with them. - a powerful depressant that negatively affects the central nervous system.

People who drink alcohol cope worse with stress and make more destructive decisions. It is also important to remember that sugar (it is found in both sweets and alcohol) increases the experience of stress, so it is better to refrain from consuming it.

Adriana Imzh, consulting psychologist

7. Take care of your health

Grief is already exhausting, don’t make it worse. Eat regularly and walk, try to sleep about eight hours a day, drink water, breathe - very often in grief a person forgets to exhale. Don't add stress to your body by giving up on your health.

8. See a psychologist

If you can’t cope with the situation on your own and it doesn’t feel better for a long time, find a specialist. will help you find out what exactly is stopping you from getting out of a depressed state, expressing your feelings, saying goodbye to your loved one, and will simply be with you in this difficult situation.

9. Don't be ashamed to continue living.

Someone close to you died, but you continue to live, and this is normal. Quite often we have a false sense of injustice: he died too young, he died before me, he died because of nonsense.

But the truth is that death is a part of life. We all come to die, and no one knows how long or how he will live. Someone left, someone remained to keep the memory of those who left.

Adriana Imzh, consulting psychologist

It can be difficult to lead a normal lifestyle and learn to smile and be happy again. Don't rush yourself if it doesn't work out yet. But this is precisely the direction we need to move, says Adriana Imzh.

Not just because the one you lost would probably want it. But also because this is what makes any life, including the life of a deceased person, important: we honor his memory, respect his path, and do not make his death a weapon of self-destruction.

How to cope with the death of a loved one?

How to cope with the death of a loved one?
A person has died or died after a long illness - almost always for us this is in some sense sudden death. This is a crisis.
But a crisis is not a disaster. It is suffering that we must go through in order to grow.
A husband, a father has died, a wife or mother has died, a girlfriend has died, a son has died, a child has died - none of these situations should cause depression or illness. Our loved one, who has passed away, wishes us to maintain courage and strength. And only by preserving ourselves will we be able to help the deceased.

When a person experiences the death of a loved one, it is natural that he suffers. Suffering for many reasons. This is also grief for that person, beloved, close, dear, with whom he parted. It happens that self-pity strangles someone who has lost support in a person who has died or passed away. This may be a feeling of guilt due to the fact that a person cannot give him what he would like to give or owes, because he did not consider it necessary to do good and love in his time. Problems arise when we do not let go of a person...

Many people who are grieving are familiar with the desire to contact the soul of a deceased loved one; some await this communication in a dream. About nature prophetic dreams, the rector of the Patriarchal Compound, the Church of the Resurrection of Christ on Semenovskaya, Archimandrite Augustine (Pidanov) thinks about whether it is worth crossing the border of the afterlife, and what you need to know, as well as about many other things.

There is a commandment: “Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol.” An idol for a person is any value if it is placed higher than God. And these values ​​can be anything - husband, child, work. That is, if a person has a hierarchy of values, God should stand above all else, and then everything else. And then you can survive death. Then you will not lose anyone, because in God everything is preserved. All our relatives and friends, they are lost to an unbeliever, they lie in the grave and that’s it. And for a believer, they are with God.

Often, after the death of a loved one, people almost cease to be interested in everyday events, mentally immerse themselves in the past and live only with memories. We present to your attention new conversation crisis psychologist Mikhail Khasminsky on the most important topic of what to do in order not to drown in the pit of grief and stop living in the past. It is difficult to overestimate the importance and relevance of this material

The death of a loved one always comes suddenly, even if you expect it and prepare for it. Grief is too wide to go around, too high to jump over, and too deep to crawl under; You can only go through grief, he says folk wisdom. But how to do that? What do you need to know to deal with it?

Experiencing the death of a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences encountered in a person’s life. The realization that a person has died and cannot be brought back to life causes a reaction of grief. When providing psychological assistance Bereaved people are helped by knowledge of the patterns of grief. On the one hand, grief is a deeply individual, difficult process. On the other hand, there are relatively universal stages that it goes through in its course.

If you have turned to this article, it means that you or your loved ones have experienced a misfortune in the family - the death of a loved one. If your child, spouse, parent, relative died, a girlfriend died, a friend died - it’s always great sorrow. The death of a loved one is always a sudden death, even if the person has been seriously ill for a long time. It is impossible to prepare yourself psychologically for this event. Our mind asks questions: “What’s next?”, “How will I live without him (her)?” In this article I will try to tell you about problems that, when solved, will help you answer similar questions.

IN difficult periods In life, almost all people suffer from the invasion of obsessive thoughts. These terrible, nasty, sticky thoughts cling with particular force to a person who is experiencing the death of a loved one. So what are they?

Interview with a psychotherapist about medicines, which will support a person in grief and help him survive the death of a loved one. And also about the dangers of inept self-medication.

Those who do not believe in One God and eternal life As a rule, grief is experienced very difficult. Truly believing people experience grief much easier.

When a person dies, grief is nuclear power our emotions. If understood, curbed and directed, it will become creative force, will help survive death. But if grief gets out of control, if it is distorted and not understood, it can become a destructive force. This is why it is so important to recognize when grief is a healthy process and when it is a distorted one. If you have a cold and are sneezing, you know how to take care of yourself, you don't need a doctor. But if you have caught a cold and developed pneumonia, it is foolish to refuse the help of a professional. The same is true for grief.

Let's consider the reasons that make us shed tears over the ashes of loved ones, and God will help us find this source for ourselves. So, what do we cry about when we are separated from someone dear to our hearts?

“Grief becomes real only when it touches you personally” (Erich Maria Remarque).

The topic of death is very difficult, but very important. This is a stunning, unexpected, sudden tragedy. Especially if this happens to a loved one. Such a loss is always a deep shock; the shock of the blow experienced leaves scars in the soul for life. At the moment of grief, a person feels a loss of emotional connection, experiences a feeling of unfulfilled duty and guilt. How to cope with experiences, emotions, feelings and learn to live on? How to cope with the death of a loved one? How and with what to help someone who is experiencing pain from loss?

The attitude of modern society towards death

“You don’t have to cry all the time”, “Hold on”, “He’s better there”, “We’ll all be there” - a grieving person has to listen to all these consolations. Sometimes he is left alone altogether. And this happens not because friends and colleagues are cruel and indifferent people, it’s just that many are afraid of death and other people’s grief. Many people want to help, but don’t know how or with what. They are afraid to show tactlessness, they cannot find Right words. And the secret lies not in healing and comforting words, but in the ability to listen and let them know that you are nearby.

Modern society shuns everything related to death: it avoids conversations, refuses mourning, and tries not to show its grief. Children are afraid to answer their questions about death. There is a belief in society that showing grief for too long is a sign mental illness or disorders. Tears are regarded as a nervous attack.

A man in his grief remains alone: ​​the phone does not ring in his house, people avoid him, he is isolated from society. Why is this happening? Because we don’t know how to help, how to console, what to say. We are afraid not only of death, but also of the mourners. Of course, communicating with them is not entirely psychologically comfortable; there are a lot of inconveniences. He may cry, he needs to be consoled, but how? What should I talk to him about? What if you hurt him even more? Many of us cannot find answers to these questions, we distance ourselves and bide our time until the person himself copes with his loss and returns to normal. Only spiritually strong people remain close to the mourner at such a tragic moment.

Funeral and mourning rituals have been lost in society and are perceived as a relic of the past. We are “civilized, intelligent and cultured people" But it was these ancient traditions that helped to properly survive the pain of loss. For example, mourners who were invited to the coffin to repeat certain verbal formulas brought tears to those relatives who were in numbness or shock.

Nowadays, it is considered wrong to cry at the coffin. There was an idea that tears cause a lot of distress to the soul of the deceased, that they drown him in the next world. For this reason, it is customary to cry as little as possible and restrain yourself. Refusal to mourn and modern attitude people are about to die dangerous consequences for the psyche.

Grief is individual

All people experience the pain of loss differently. Therefore, the division of grief into stages (periods), accepted in psychology, is conditional and coincides with the dates of commemoration of the deceased in many world religions.

The stages that a person goes through are influenced by many factors: gender, age, state of health, emotionality, upbringing, emotional connection with the deceased.

But there are general rules, which you need to know to assess the mental and emotional state of a person who is experiencing grief. It is necessary to have an idea of ​​how to survive the death of a loved one, how and how to help someone who has had a misfortune. The following rules and patterns also apply to children who are experiencing the pain of loss. But they need to be treated with even greater attention and caution.

So, a loved one has died, how to cope with grief? To answer this question, it is necessary to understand what happens to the mourners at this time.

Hit

The first feeling experienced by a person who has unexpectedly lost a loved one is a lack of understanding of what and how it happened. One single thought is spinning in his head: “It can’t be!” The first reaction he experiences is shock. Essentially this is defensive reaction our body, a kind of “psychological anesthesia”.

Shock comes in two forms:

• Numbness, inability to perform usual actions.
• Excessive activity, agitation, screaming, fussiness.

Moreover, these states can alternate.

A person cannot believe what happened, he sometimes begins to avoid the truth. In many cases, there is rejection of what happened. Then the person:

• Looking for the face of the deceased in a crowd of people.
• Talks to him.
• He hears the voice of the departed, feels his presence.
• He plans some events together with him.
• Keeps his belongings, clothes and everything connected with him intact.

If a person denies the fact of loss for a long time, then the mechanism of self-deception is activated. He does not accept the loss because he is not ready to experience unbearable mental pain.

How to cope with the death of a loved one? Advice and methods in the initial period boil down to one thing - believe in what happened, let your feelings break out, talk about them with those who are ready to listen, cry. Typically the period lasts about 40 days. If it drags on for months or even years, you should contact a psychologist or priest.

Let's look at the cycles grief goes through.

7 stages of grief

How to cope with the death of loved ones? What are the stages of grief and how do they manifest? Psychologists identify certain stages of grief that all people who have lost loved ones experience. They don't go one after another strict sequence, each person has their own psychological periods. Understanding what is happening to the griever can help cope with grief.

The first reaction, shock and shock, has already been discussed, here are the subsequent stages of grief:

1. Denial of what is happening.“This couldn’t happen” - the main reason for this reaction is fear. The person is afraid of what happened, what will happen next. The mind denies reality, a person convinces himself that nothing happened. Outwardly, he looks numb or is fussing, actively organizing a funeral. But this does not mean at all that he is easily coping with the loss, he just has not yet fully realized what happened. A person who is in a daze does not need to be protected from the worries and hassles associated with a funeral. Registration of documents, organization of funerals and wakes, ordering funeral services force you to communicate with people and help you get out of a state of shock. It happens that in a state of denial, a person ceases to adequately perceive reality and the world. This reaction is short-lived, but it is necessary to get him out of this state. To do this, you should talk to him, call him by name all the time, do not leave him alone, and distract him from his thoughts. But you should not console and reassure, as this will not help. This stage is short-lived. It’s like a preparatory process, a person mentally prepares himself for the fact that his loved one is no longer there. And as soon as he realizes what happened, he will move on to the next stage.
2. Rage, resentment, anger. These feelings take over a person completely. He's completely pissed off the world, for him no good people, all wrong. He is internally convinced that everything that happens around him is injustice. The strength of these emotions depends on the person himself. As soon as the feeling of anger passes, it is immediately replaced by the next stage of grief.
3. Guilt. He often remembers the deceased, moments of communication with him and begins to realize that he paid little attention, spoke harshly or rudely, did not ask for forgiveness, did not say that he loved him, and so on. The thought comes to mind: “Have I done everything to prevent this death?” Sometimes this feeling stays with a person for the rest of his life.
4. Depression. This stage is very difficult for people who are used to keeping all their feelings to themselves and not showing them to others. They deplete them from the inside, a person loses hope that life will become normal. He refuses to be sympathized with, he has a gloomy mood, he does not contact other people, he always tries to suppress his feelings, but this makes him even more unhappy. Depression after loss loved one leaves an imprint on all areas of life.
5. Acceptance of what happened. Over time, a person comes to terms with what happened. He begins to come to his senses, life is more or less getting better. Every day his condition improves, and resentment and depression will weaken.
6. Revival stage. During this period, a person is uncommunicative, silent a lot and for a long time, and often withdraws into himself. The period is quite long and can last up to several years.
7. Organizing life without a loved one. After going through all the stages in the life of a person who has experienced grief, a lot changes, and of course, he himself becomes different. Many people try to change their previous way of life, find new friends, change jobs, and sometimes change their place of residence. The man seems to be building new model life.

Symptoms of “normal” grief

Lindemann Erich identified the symptoms of “normal” grief, that is, the feeling that every person develops when losing a loved one. So, the symptoms:

• Physiological, that is, periodically recurring attacks of physical suffering: a feeling of tightness in chest, attacks of emptiness in the stomach, weakness, dry mouth, spasms in the throat.
• Behavioral- haste or slow pace of speech, inconsistency, freezing, lack of interest in business, irritability, insomnia, everything falls out of hand.
• Cognitive symptoms- confusion of thoughts, self-distrust, difficulties with attention and concentration.
• Emotional- feelings of helplessness, loneliness, anxiety and guilt.

Time of sorrow

• The shock and denial of the loss lasts about 48 hours.
• During the first week, emotional exhaustion is observed (there were funerals, funeral services, meetings, wakes).
• Between 2 and 5 weeks, some people return to everyday affairs: work, study, ordinary life. But those closest to us begin to feel the loss most acutely. They experience more acute melancholy, grief, and anger. This is a period of acute grief that can last for for a long time.
• Mourning lasts from three months to a year; this is a period of helplessness. Some are overtaken by depression, others need additional care.
• Anniversary is very an important event when the ritual end of mourning takes place. That is, a service, a trip to the cemetery, a memorial. Relatives gather and common grief eases the grief of loved ones. This happens if there is no jam. That is, if a person cannot come to terms with the loss, is not able to return to everyday life, he seemed to hang in his grief, remained in his grief.

A difficult life test

How can you cope with the death of a loved one? How can you bear it all and not break? The loss of a loved one is one of the difficult and serious trials in life. Every adult has experienced loss to one degree or another. It is stupid to advise a person to pull himself together in this situation. At first it is very difficult to accept the loss, but there is an opportunity not to aggravate your condition and try to cope with stress.

Unfortunately, there is no quick and universal method how to survive the death of a loved one, but you need to take all measures to ensure that this grief does not result in severe form depression.

When you need specialist help

There are people who get stuck in their difficult emotional state, cannot cope with grief on their own and do not know how to cope with the death of a loved one. Psychology identifies signs that should alert others and force them to immediately consult a specialist. This should be done if the mourner:

• permanent intrusive thoughts about the worthlessness and purposelessness of life;
• purposeful avoidance of people;
• persistent thoughts of suicide or death;
• there is an inability to return to to the usual way living for a long time;
• slow reactions, constant emotional breakdowns, inappropriate actions, uncontrollable laughter or crying;
• sleep disturbances, severe weight loss or gain.

If there is any doubt or concern about a person who has recently experienced the death of a loved one, it is better to consult a psychologist. It will help the grieving person understand himself and his emotions.

• You should not refuse the support of others and friends.
• Take care of yourself and yours physical condition.
• Give free rein to your feelings and emotions.
• Try to express your feelings and emotions through creativity.
• Don't set time limits for grief.
• Do not suppress emotions, cry out grief.
• To be distracted by those who are dear and loved, that is, by the living.

How to cope with the death of a loved one? Psychologists advise writing a letter to someone who has passed away. It should say something that you didn’t manage to do or communicate during your lifetime, or admit something. In general, pour everything out on paper. You can write about how you miss a person and what you regret.

Those who believe in magic can turn to psychics for help and advice on how to survive the death of a loved one. They are also known to be good psychologists.

In difficult times, many people turn to the Lord for help. How to cope with the death of a loved one? Priests advise believers and mourners who are far from religion to come to church more often, pray for the deceased, and remember him in certain days.

How to help someone cope with the pain of loss

It is very painful to see a loved one, friend, acquaintance who has just lost a relative. How to help a person survive the death of a loved one, what to say to him, how to behave, how to alleviate his suffering?

Trying to bear the pain, many people try to distract him from what happened and avoid talking about death. But it's not right.

What should you say or do to help cope with the death of a loved one? Effective ways:

• Do not ignore conversations about the deceased. If less than 6 months have passed since the death, then all the thoughts of a friend or relative revolve around the deceased. It is very important for him to speak out and cry. You cannot force him to suppress his emotions and feelings. However, if it has passed more than a year Since the time of the tragedy, and all conversations still come down to the deceased, then you should change the topic of conversation.
• Distract the grieving person from his grief. Immediately after a tragedy, nothing can distract a person; he only needs moral support. But after a few weeks, it’s worth starting to give a person’s thoughts a different direction. It’s worth inviting him to some places, signing up for joint courses, and so on.
• Switch the person's attention. It is best to ask him to provide some help. Show him that his help is needed and needed. Taking care of an animal speeds up the process of getting out of depression.

How to accept the death of a loved one

How to get used to loss and how to cope with the death of a loved one? Orthodoxy and the church give the following advice:

• it is necessary to believe in the Mercy of the Lord;
• read prayers for the deceased;
• light candles in the temple for the repose of the soul;
• give alms and help the suffering;
• if you need spiritual help, you need to go to church and contact a priest.

Is it possible to be prepared for the death of a loved one?

Death is a terrible event, it is impossible to get used to it. For example, police officers, pathologists, investigators, doctors, who have to see many deaths, seem to learn over the years to accept the death of others without emotion, but they are all afraid of their own departure and, like all people, do not know how to cope with the departure of a very close person.

You can’t get used to death, but you can prepare yourself psychologically for the passing of a loved one:

Losing a parent is always great tragedy. Psychological connection, which is established between relatives, makes their loss a very difficult ordeal. How to survive the death of a loved one, mother? What to do when she is no longer there? How to cope with grief? What to do and how to survive the death of a loved one, dad? How to survive grief if they die together?

No matter how old we are, coping with the loss of a parent is never easy. It seems to us that they left too soon, but it will always be at the wrong time. You need to accept a bereavement, you need to learn to live with it. For quite a long time, in our thoughts we turn to our departed father or mother, asking them for advice, but we must learn to live without their support.

Dramatically changes life. In addition to bitterness, grief and loss, there is a feeling that life has fallen into the abyss. How to survive the death of a loved one and return to life:

1. The fact of loss must be accepted. And the sooner this happens, the better. You need to understand that the person will never be with you again, that neither tears nor mental anguish. We must learn to live without a mother or father.
2. Memory is greatest value person, our deceased parents continue to live in it. Remembering them, you should not forget about yourself, your plans, affairs, aspirations.
3. It is worth gradually getting rid of difficult memories of death. They make a person depressed. Psychologists advise you to cry, you can go to a psychologist or priest. You can start keeping a diary, the main thing is not to keep everything to yourself.
4. If you feel lonely, you need to find someone who needs care and attention. You can have a pet. Their selfless love and Vital energy will help you overcome grief.

No ready-made recipes, how to survive the death of a loved one, suitable for absolutely all people. Loss situations and emotional connections are different for everyone. And everyone experiences grief differently.

What is the easiest way to cope with the death of a loved one? You need to find something that will ease your soul, do not be shy to show emotions and feelings. Psychologists believe that you need to “get over” grief, and only then will relief come.

Remember with kind words and deeds

People often ask how to ease their grief after the death of a loved one. How to live with this? Easing the pain of loss is sometimes impossible and unnecessary. The time will come when you can manage your grief. To ease the pain a little, you can do something in memory of the deceased. Maybe he dreamed of doing something himself, he could bring this matter to completion. You can do charity work in his memory, dedicate some creation in his honor.

How to cope with the death of a loved one? There is no universal some simple advice, it is multifaceted and individual process. But the most important thing:

• You need to give yourself time to mental wound healed.
• Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
• It is necessary to monitor your diet and follow a daily routine.
• Do not rush to calm yourself down with alcohol or medications.
• Do not self-medicate. If you cannot do without sedatives, it is better to consult a doctor for a prescription and recommendations.
• You need to talk about your deceased loved one with anyone who will listen.

And most importantly, accepting the loss and learning to live with it does not mean forgetting or betraying. This is healing, that is, a correct and natural process.

Conclusion

Each of us, even before birth, receives his place in the structure of his clan. But what energy a person will leave for his family becomes clear only when his life ends. We should not be afraid to talk about a deceased person, tell more about him to children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. It is very good if legends of the family arise. If a person has lived his life with dignity, he will remain forever in the hearts of the living, and the grieving process will be aimed at the good memory of him.