Instructions for a gentle man. Is a person with a strong character very different from a person with a soft character?

The soft character of a girl or young man is always a big stress, because many people try to take advantage of it. This article will tell you how to live if a person has too soft a character.

Very often, a person with a soft character may face a number of problems. They often take advantage of him and try to push him around, getting him into trouble. How can this be dealt with and is it even possible in principle?

Causes of the problem.

Most often, people who were raised in a similar way have a gentle character. Parents rarely shouted at such a child; they allowed him a lot. In addition, the child seemed to have a natural need to please. Most often, future softness and spinelessness manifest themselves in childhood. The child begins to give in to the children in the yard, few people communicate with him, and if other children enter into dialogue, they often offend the child. This can cause confusion and further problems with the child.

In fact, a girl’s soft character can be changed in childhood and adolescence. If we start this problem, then in the future it will have a much larger scale and will turn out to be incredibly serious for the future person.

In the modern world, it is almost impossible to do without some kind of rigidity. That is why, from a certain age, it is necessary to cultivate character in a child, his own opinion and the ability to defend it. In this case, the child is unlikely to be able to offend anyone. Rather, on the contrary, he will always be able to stand up for himself in a given situation and correctly protect his own interests.

It is wonderful if a child shows individuality from childhood, which allows him to always express his opinion. Such a child will have a great future. However, if you were unable to cope with the problem in advance, you can try to overcome it after a while, already in adulthood.

Ways to solve the problem.

So, the man began to observe himself as a strange softness and inability to resist what he really does not want. In fact, this problem is now increasingly tormenting young people. When a person himself does not know what he wants, it is very easy to lead him astray.

The first thing you should do is teach yourself to say no. Sometimes colleagues and friends rely too much on a person with a gentle character. They can dump all the work and all the assignments on him simply because the person does not know how to refuse. In this situation, you need to practice in front of a mirror, try to imagine a colleague in front of you and try to say “no” to him. Of course, at first it is too difficult, because a person so rarely refuses someone. However, gradually all your acquaintances will understand that pushing this person around, as before, will no longer work.

Also, if you have a soft character, you need to learn to express your opinion in public. Sometimes a soft-hearted person is used as a pawn in disputes, because he is afraid of offending someone and always takes one side or another. In such a situation, it is necessary to accustom yourself, no matter what, to always speak about your opinion and express it to your acquaintances and friends. Soon, such resistance will have an impact, as a result of which the person will only benefit.

Also, too soft a character can cause personal failures. Women are often afraid to connect their lives with a man who does not have his own opinion, who is afraid to express anything to people. In the same way, men are not too fond of soft-bodied women, who for them can become simple cooks, guardians of cleanliness and comfort in the house.

In order not to doom yourself to a similar fate, you must always position yourself differently in new relationships. A man must show his character, prove that he has his own opinion and views on life. The girl should certainly note that she doesn’t mind cooking and cleaning, but at the same time wants to build a career. A strong personality is capable of anything if he really wants it.

It is also great if a person finds out for himself what he loves in this life, for which he is ready to work and actively work. With the help of such an analysis of one’s own interests, it will be possible to identify features of personal opinion. Perhaps a person will soon realize with pleasure that his former traits and complexes have disappeared forever. To resist other people's influence and all life's problems, you need to have a strong character. Of course, you can ignore these tips and maintain your character. However, such a person is unlikely to be able to achieve anything in life, overcome his own complexes and a number of problems for the sake of future success.

Of course, it is very difficult to transform from a soft person into a confident person. However, if a person sincerely wants it, he will definitely achieve what he wants, while feeling complete satisfaction.

What do we gain by giving up our softness? Nothing. A man does not perceive us as a weak woman, but fights with us on all fronts, as best he can - lying on the couch or with a bottle of beer in the best case. Men have many methods of dealing with a woman, you know them firsthand.

It is very difficult to love a woman who is tough, principled, teaches everyone and tells everyone how to live. Of course, men live with such women, but they don’t like it!

The softer we become, the more courageous and firm the man next to us becomes. We don't need to copy male strength, we have our own. Our strength is soft, delicate, gentle and warm. By becoming this way, we give a man the opportunity to feel stronger, bigger, more competent and more courageous. A man loves to feel a sense of strength and power.

We begin to develop softness. It should manifest itself in everything - in appearance, in hairstyle, in speech, in your voice, in your demeanor, in your gait, in your thoughts, etc.

Let's start with the simplest thing - with appearance. Although I think many will encounter difficulties here too. Firstly, you should move away from rigid shapes, suits, trousers with arrows, classic and too straight skirts, jeans. Choose softer and easier to drape fabrics, as well as natural fabrics: knitwear, cashmere, silk, wool. Also use clothes with ruffles, frills, frills, and embroidery. The color scheme is also important; you can take a closer look at pastel, light and calm tones. This will also add femininity and softness to your look. . And also use jewelry and jewelry, various hairpins and beads.

A few words about hairstyle. When do you think a woman looks softer - with short hair or long flowing curls? Do you like long hair? For men, yes. It's very beautiful and feminine. I will definitely write a separate article about this. To avoid missing out, subscribe to my newsletter.

Gestures and facial expressions. Of course, a smile will add softness to your facial expressions. A smile makes your eyes look lighter, brighter and kinder. And it might be worth keeping an eye on the gestures. Let them also be softer, calmer and smoother. And over time they will become graceful.

Speech. There is no need to explain how important this is. A woman who swears and screams can hardly be soft. Not to mention rude words and swearing, it is believed that swear words destroy female energy.

Also pay attention speech timbre and speed. It is worth listening to your voice, how gentle and soft it is. Perhaps he will be strict at times, but he should never be rude, metallic or rigid. To make your voice more feminine, there is such a simple exercise: you can imagine a delicate white flower at the base of your neck.

And of course, if you don’t argue and prove that you’re right, your voice won’t have to become harsh. “Irresistible women are willing to let go of the need to always be “right.” M. Forleo.

Topics of conversation – they should also be just as soft and feminine. Leave conversations about football, cars and business to men. It is important to learn to calmly listen to your interlocutor. Ears are a passive female organ, they must work. Learn to listen without jumping to conclusions or judging.

Home furnishings. And in your home you need to add softness and comfort. Change the curtains, buy pillows, a warm blanket to wrap yourself in on winter evenings, imagining how much softer you become day by day.

A soft woman is able to calm, give a feeling of comfort and peace. Through feminine softness, masculine hardness passes without encountering resistance.

Remember, male strength blossoms next to female softness.

An entire lesson at the Women's School is dedicated to this quality. Read more.

Tatiana Dzutseva.

In contact with

Who is a soft man or the character traits of a man.

Today I want to talk about who these soft men are, weaklings who please everyone and put other people’s opinions above their own? Are people insecure or simply soft and more receptive internally, but that doesn’t mean weak at all? And if they are weak, then what does this mean and what advantages does such a man have? By the way, I’m also soft and I’m not going to change.

First of all, I want to write about confident men who they are and that they have a strong will; a high self-evaluation; are not afraid to express their opinion, but respect the opinions of others; decisive; people of words who have their own life principles; know what they want and how to achieve it; if necessary, they will stand up for themselves and for others.

Can a gentle man have all the qualities of a confident and strong man?

Someone will say “no” because they think that they are soft, those who try to please everyone, and are unsure of themselves; dependent; his own opinion is not so important for himself, in comparison with the opinions of others; a mumble and a rag dancing to someone's tune.

If a man has a naturally soft character, does this mean that he is weak morally, physically, or something else? I am sure that a gentle man can easily possess the qualities of a strong, confident personality, as well as business and all other possible qualities of a successful person.

To state unequivocally that Soft means weak and a failure is just as wrong as Hard means strong and successful. What is important is not what qualities of character prevail in us, but what is much more important is our self-esteem, self-respect, willpower and belief in yourself and your strengths. Who said that a Soft man cannot have all this, but a Hard man has it all.... It is not at all necessary that softness means weak character, uncertainty and lack of will.

Yes, soft is not at all hard and hard. He has his minuses and his pluses, like every person. Such traits that some would call a disadvantage, and others would call an advantage. For example, a gentle and good person by nature does not like conflicts and does not like to hurt people, be it with words or deeds. Such a person, for the sake of his goal, will not go over the heads of others, and I personally prefer such people. In addition, such a man will better appreciate the qualities and understand what his woman feels and experiences.

Perhaps this is a kind of disadvantage in business, politics, etc., but there may also be advantages - he will treat his subordinates better, and they, in turn, will be more devoted to him. There are plenty of real successful people among both soft and hard men.

Yes, perhaps sometimes we lack determination and firmness at some moments when toughness is required. We may, because of our softness, not go or do what would be best, here everything depends on each of us. If a person sees some such shortcomings in himself and works on them, then nothing is impossible.

What I would like to wish and maybe somewhere advise soft, strong men is to remain yourself as you are - this is your dignity, not only as a person, but also as a man for so many women. And the advice is that in a situation where your determination is required of you, you need to show this determination more passionately, because your success or failure may depend on it. And maybe you’ll have to give up somewhere like this... do not harm a person with words and deeds. Here's what you need to remember:

First, you can’t please everyone, especially if you have broad plans. And secondly, there are situations when pity and gentleness towards a person can only harm to him. You don’t tell him the truth, even if it’s rude and unpleasant, and he will remain his own way and remain inactive. So sometimes, if necessary, you need to overcome yourself and do what you think is right, even if it is rude, but it can push a person to action. Gentleness and pity are not always justified.

Gradually, such actions of yours, even if you are very gentle, will become more familiar to you. You just need to remember and remain human and yourself, because rigidity is just a necessity, not a goal.

Well, if an arrogant bastard does nasty things, he needs to be given what he deserves. However, I am sure that this is what soft, but strong, normal men do. Namely, they punch you in the face.

As for women, there is nothing to please. Some women are okay with being treated roughly and they like it. Others will prefer someone who is soft and affectionate, so every man needs to find only the one your woman.

By the way, this article prompted me to write one is such a soft, but I am sure, strong and purposeful person. His name is Eugene under the nickname Sema. I met him by chance - they argued over one comment. He also has his own blog and I followed the link to it. It turned out he was the same age as me, more precisely a year older than me.

Evgeny, without fear, writes the whole truth about himself, what kind of person he is, what he does and what he has done and is doing in life. It turned out that he had a lot of problems. Large debts, broke up with my girlfriend, and at some point there were problems in business. Now he has another one, but there is not much support from her.

The man does not give up after everything, he does everything himself, quietly achieves his goal and does not lose faith in success. I'm sure he will succeed. In addition, he writes very interestingly, you can see for yourself. By the way, would you like to know- Can a man be a bitch and how is it? and a bunch of other interesting things, then semas-blog.ru is for you

Well, separately about Sensitive men,- yes, this is not the most suitable quality for a man and most women are not attractive. But again, sensitivity is given to every person by nature. Some more, some less. But what is natural is not ugly and does not mean bad. Let's remember famous artists, designers and many others - without them life would be more boring. They are individuals and have a role to play in life.

In addition, this sensitive man, if he is a sufficiently strong-willed and confident man, with a strong desire, can correct this character trait of his. There was quite a lot of this in life. And many wars are proof of this. When the strong and so self-confident became cowardly hares, and the soft and weak in appearance, performed real feats. And for such men there are also women.

Well, for those who would like to know more about it, first of all for themselves and in relation to women, click on this link.

Hello to everyone who reads my request for help. My character is too soft, and in the spring I’m going into the army. And the problem is that if you come at me, I can’t fight back or respond. Therefore, it will be very difficult for me in the army. And I wanted to ask HOW TO MORALLY PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE ARMY IN A YEAR. Now I go to hand-to-hand combat, but I often skip it, because there are people there who noticed my weakness and are not averse to laughing, teasing and mocking me. Every time I force myself to go there... but I’m not good at it, I’ve already missed a month.
Thanks to everyone who responded!

Surikat, age: 18/11/10/2012

Friend, age: no age / 10/12/2012

I’m giving advice on theory (I couldn’t do this myself, but I think it should help). If you are cruel to yourself: get up early (at 5-6 in the morning), wash in cold water, do push-ups, pull-ups, run, sleep on hard things, don’t overeat, eat at a certain time of the day according to the regime - then you can become courageous and prepare to the army.

Kostya, age: 26 / 10/12/2012

By skipping melee, you are running away from your problem. The first step to masculinity is not to run away from a problem, but to face it, no matter what happens. Think about why you cannot fight back, what attitudes prevent you from doing so. Remember that when an enemy attacked, the Church blessed people to defend the Fatherland, and you must also be able to defend your Fatherland, family and yourself. Are you afraid of pain? This fear goes away when a person has experienced pain several times. Those people who laugh at you should be grateful, because they, like a litmus test, show you what you still need to work on, they help you in your growth in their own way. Your first victory over yourself will be to always go to training, despite ridicule. Also, such a situation will help you develop humility - a virtue that defeats pride. After all, you still need to come to terms with the fact that you are afraid that you are being bullied. I also recommend that you address this question to mature men, as well as to those who served in the army - they have gone through everything “the hard way” and can give practical advice. Good luck!

Tatyana Zhadan, age: 32 / 10/14/2012

I also have a soft character, but I would call it not just soft, but kind - this is important for me
addition (I mean that you also have a clearer idea of ​​your character, and not just derogatory
"soft"). Violence against people is not very natural for me: I do not accept it against others and myself
respectively.
At first, I scolded myself a lot for these “weaknesses” of mine, I seemed to torment myself internally and of course I wanted it
to correct. As a result, I started playing sports, including hand-to-hand combat - this is a wonderful school.
It gave me a lot. After several years of studying, I became a different person. Sport helped me develop
will, patience, inner strength. After realizing the power that had appeared, I had a great desire
apply it where needed and where not needed, then I realized that this is wrong and that a person has everything
equally, there is a range in which he is comfortable to be and where he is not comfortable to be - just
because that is his nature. In general, I put this whole philosophy to the following:
1. There is no need to scold yourself for your soft character - everyone has their own, and by scolding yourself you can make yourself
only worse. You need to understand yourself, and understanding comes only with experience and its calm comprehension.
There is no need to rush this process and no need to slow it down. Similarly, you need to learn how to treat other people
understand, perhaps sometimes this will allow you to predict their actions.

2. There is no need to set super-goals, much less have beyond expectations in this area. Little experience yet
and understanding yourself, it is better to have very simple and understandable goals. In practice this means the following:
if the fear of conflicts, pain, pressure is high, and the ability to defend one’s position in psychological and
physical meanings are not enough, then you need to clearly outline the VITAL MINIMUM, based on the HEALTHY
MEANING, and strive for it. Understand where exactly you have difficulties and consciously overcome them
in small portions - learn this.
I would divide preparation for the army into the following tasks:

1. Psychological
2. Physical
And they, in turn, have strategic aspects (long-term) and tactical (short-term)

Each has its own approach

I think that, of course, in your case you need to engage in physical development - this is simply mandatory,
This is a base that will definitely be useful in the army. So, if you are physically weak, then you need this
change. Moreover, melee seems to me to be better suited than just a rocking chair (but this is JUST MY
OPINION). Personally, I was very hardened by long, grueling endurance training. Look for yourself though
- it is important that sports be ORGANIC FOR YOU, for your physiology (maybe you like to lift
iron and you can make a breakthrough in physics there), otherwise you can do worse. And overcoming fear and
There is quite a lot of pain there. In general, you need to think carefully about physics and the program for its development.
This also includes fighting techniques - it would be nice to master the minimum skills. In this case it is
two or three hits until automatic and good speed and strength, possibly plus minimal skills
struggle - just to feel your body. This can probably be done in 1 year, but only if
SPECIFICALLY do this (you need to read about this separately), that is, there are no kata from karate and
spinners with feet. Only real practices. In a tactical sense, you need to learn how to do push-ups, run,
pull yourself up, strengthen your muscles so as not to fall apart during the cross-country. Strategically necessary
create a culture of doing sports or physics, develop your own reasonable
attitude, taste. Find what gives you strength. To do this you need to study yourself, others,
additional literature, gain new experience - a year is not enough, but now there is an opportunity to put
this is the beginning. Why am I talking about this - because character is for life and now you have
the opportunity (just think about it) to lay the foundation for the positive development of your personality on
for the rest of my life. That’s why strategy is important – it’s your future. This is the future solution to issues in
health, self-confidence.
The next point is psychology. Here, too, in principle, it can be fixed, but if you learn it wisely
(it won’t come right away - don’t have any illusions). Firstly, overcoming oneself in training and daily routine strengthens
already in itself. Next, you still need to find your current reaction to different life situations,
realize it. What exactly is the most scary? Fear of a fight, direct pressure in a conflict is partially possible
overcome by sparring. The ability to communicate and defend your position in a team is precisely what you can do
learn in complex teams where there is friction, at least observing the reactions of others. If
talk about applied options for getting out of conflict (for example, psychological pressure in a conversation
or a conflict with several people, jokes, and so on), then perhaps the following information will help
from my experience:
When I realize that the conflict is taking place at a level that is difficult for me to react to (i.e.
the opponent is very cool, strong or smart or dangerous or several of them, or I am sick, depressed,
incompetent in the matter and so on - that is, I am a priori weaker), then I try to understand a certain point /
the limit of preserving one's dignity. And I focus only on her, that is, in my thoughts there is not even “I
Now I’ll show him and everyone how I’ll win.” If you are being pressured and really threatened and you feel that you cannot
If you can physically suppress aggression, that is, you don’t have enough skills or knowledge to do this, then do this
simple, which will allow you to preserve your personality: if you press morally with a conversation, then simply and firmly
answer or don’t answer at all if they laugh and tease you and you are not sure that you will answer in such a way that
beat them, then don’t answer at all or answer very simply, like “fuck off and that’s it”, “no”, “don’t
I know". It is only important to do this firmly and CONFIDENTLY. Over time you will get used to it and find new ones.
reaction options. Example:
They come up to me on the street and impudently say something like “hey guy, where are you from and so on,” I see:
There are three of them, grown-up guys, a little tipsy, not jerks, I can’t tell their degree by looking at them
preparation, but I don’t feel the desire to get involved in a fight, I don’t have a weapon with me, I feel from them
danger, I feel like they are looking for problems for themselves or want to create it for someone else. I just turn around and
I walk past them. They are telling me something after me and they are talking louder. I just go and that's it. If they
they will run after me - there is no choice here, I need to act, the situation itself leaves no choice, but I
I avoid moments in which I don’t understand how I will feel and how to behave. Moved two hundred
meters and the situation disappeared, lasted 5 - 10 seconds. The psychological stress is not excessive.

Look for the simplest options for preserving your dignity, yourself in situations that are suitable for
psyche.
These are all tactical techniques too. It is also important to know and understand them, that is, to develop, learn
more effective behavioral models - not necessarily my example, maybe you will find something else,
what will help you.

Plus to this: of course you need to talk with knowledgeable people (only adequate ones) - listen to them
advice and just stories, if something is unclear or raises questions, then ask - a person
may be afraid of the incomprehensible and unknown. The smaller the unknown, the less fear.

The strategy again is to constantly and slowly increase your level of psychological
readiness, or rather in the general and holistic development of the individual: study yourself, others and life, learn
through your experience. With this approach, the army will become a good school, and you will be grateful for it later
you will remember. For example, I didn’t join the army, although I honestly say that now I regret it,
despite the fact that all my friends tell me that supposedly they don’t teach you anything in the army. For a man, by the way,
The army is also expanding professional prospects: FSB, Ministry of Internal Affairs, Ministry of Emergency Situations, FSO... they pay well now, and
It’s hard to get settled without an army.

Another important point: ask God for help. Form the right worldview in this area
Same. Try to find a good, wise priest - he will be able to help you in many ways. Find out what
such a prayer and ask God to help you, ask sincerely. Develop in this direction.

In general, the main thing is to act step by step, wisely, systematically. Study yourself, your capabilities, apply
strength in the chosen direction, maintain a good level of physical and spiritual development,
internal balance. I wish you a successful service.

Everything I wrote is just my vision and experience, perhaps not everything is correct.
I apologize if it's long and crumpled. I wanted to say a lot.