Conducting a table conversation is an entire art, which a well-mannered person should also master. Experienced reception organizers, when allocating seats for guests, always take into account not only status factors, but also the interests of potential interlocutors. That is why they do not seat spouses and foreigners who come from the same country next to each other - in this case, there is a great danger that they will communicate exclusively with each other, leaving other neighbors without attention.
Etiquette requires that each participant in the feast exchange at least a few phrases with both of his neighbors, and if the table is not wide, then with the neighbors opposite. Even a guest famous artist, writer or other celebrity should not talk about themselves all the time - other guests should be allowed to speak.
The hosts or organizers monitor the flow of the table conversation and, if necessary, direct it in the right direction, starting a topic that may be of interest to everyone.
What do they talk about and what don't they talk about at the table?
There are a number of topics that are clearly prohibited at the table:
Diseases and everything connected with them;
Criticism of the dishes served;
Gossip and discussion of both present and absent people;
Politics and religion.
The last prohibition is sometimes neglected when like-minded people gather around the table. But even if political and religious discussions do not develop into disputes, they are considered undesirable among educated people.
The conversation can be general when six or seven people gather around the table. In a larger company, it is better for guests to split into groups so as not to raise their voices. It is unacceptable to shout to your interlocutor across the table, even if you want to tell him something very important.
It is not customary to start a conversation when serving hot food that may get cold. Table conversations are conducted over cold appetizers, as well as dessert, tea, and coffee. At the table you don’t need to look your interlocutor in the eyes, especially since when you turn to one neighbor, you find yourself with your back to the other.
What do they talk about and what don't they talk about at the table? Different countries have their own favorite table conversations. Americans even talk about family and hobbies at business receptions. In the East they ask about business and health, but in response you should not give details, especially negative ones. The French love to talk about culture, art and French cuisine, the British love to talk about gardening. Northern Europeans enjoy discussing ecology and environmental protection. Italians and Spaniards will be happy to carry on a conversation about the history and culture of their peoples.
However, when talking with foreign guests, one must be careful, since each nation has its own “sore” topic. So, with Italians they don’t talk about the mafia, with Turks - about the Kurdish issue. In Great Britain, Northern Ireland is not mentioned and the life of the royal family is not touched upon.
At the buffet table
Sometimes people behave at buffets as if they are afraid to starve. But a well-mannered person would prefer to remain hungry than to huddle around the table and help himself to a full plate of snacks. If you find yourself in a situation where food can only be taken by storm, step aside and wait until the rush is over. To avoid attracting attention with an empty plate, serve yourself some fruit from the dessert table that other guests have not yet reached.
You should not fill your plate with just one dish, since the principle of a buffet is to try a little of everything. It is especially not recommended to overload the plate at a reception where people eat while standing.
It is clear that guests are different: invited and uninvited, pleasant and not very pleasant, those who dropped in for a couple of minutes and those who came for the whole summer. They are all guests. In any case, you must accept them and behave impeccably with them.
Let’s talk about the guests who come to you for a fairly long period of time in just a few phrases. Yes, they are also guests, but they kind of join your family for a month, two, three.
When you receive a guest for a long enough period of time, you cannot hide your true self from him; he will see not only the outer side of your life, but also its underside. And this is a topic for a completely different conversation.
We are not interested in long stays, but in short visits and everything connected with them.
What are Lunch and Breakfast Parties?
The very word “called” says a lot. That is, these are those lunches and breakfasts to which you are invited in advance. The rules of good manners provide several options for invitations.
Promised but didn't come
By accepting an invitation, you undertake certain obligations that must be fulfilled.
If, due to current circumstances, you cannot make a visit at the agreed time, you should notify us in advance. By not doing this, you are grossly violating the rules of good manners.
Judge for yourself: your friends have guests, they are waiting only for you. Finally, the guests sit down at the table, but throughout the evening the conversation will one way or another return to the reasons for your absence. After all, something could happen, something bad could happen to you. The evening will turn out to be crumpled.
It will be even worse later when it turns out that everything is fine with you. You will, of course, explain your absence by urgent matters, but nothing can explain the fact that you did not inform in advance about the impossibility of your arrival.
Having received an invitation to come visit, you must thank the inviter in a kind manner, even if for some reason you cannot come.
When accepting an invitation, it is tactless to ask about the composition of the guests.
The well-mannered host will tell you about the other guests himself.
What to do if the invitation is rejected for no apparent reason?
First of all, be self-critical, the first refusal does not mean anything. The fact that the invitee does not want to visit you could simply seem to you precisely because of the refusal. But if your invitation is not accepted twice in a row, there is something to think about.
This could be a fatal coincidence when at the appointed time the person had urgent matters both times.
Another option is that he really doesn’t want to visit you.
In any case, it's worth waiting a little. If the visit did not take place for a good reason, a well-mannered person will certainly invite you to visit himself. So, there is nothing to worry about.
If there was no invitation from him, there is no need to worry either. We need to draw conclusions.
Is it possible to visit with children?
This should not be done, even if the owners of the house also have children, but you were not specifically asked to take your child with you.
There can be only one exception: you are one hundred percent sure that they are waiting for you there with your child, your children have been friends for a long time, and it is simply indecent for you to come alone. But even in this case, it doesn’t hurt to ask whether you should take the child with you.
How many minutes is it acceptable to be late?
It is generally indecent to be late. Nowhere and never. As well as arriving before the appointed time. As they say, “precision is the courtesy of kings.”
Being late is a sign of disrespect for the hosts. After all, while waiting for the last guests, they have to keep those who have already arrived busy with something.
It is no less tactless to arrive before the appointed time. As a rule, at this time the final preparations for receiving guests are being made; the apartment and the festive table are being given their final shine.
It is clear that entertaining a guest during these important moments is an unpleasant task. After all, the hostess’s head is filled with thoughts about whether everything is done before the guests arrive.
How long should latecomers wait?
A few minutes, but no more than 10-15.
What number of guests can be considered optimal?
If some kind of celebration is being celebrated, you need to invite everyone who cannot not be invited. When the area of your apartment does not allow this, you need to look for other opportunities: celebrate a special event in a cafe or restaurant, at the dacha, celebrate it twice - with relatives and friends.
For an ordinary reception, 3-4 pairs of guests are invited. This composition is considered the most optimal.
With a large number of guests, it is difficult to carry on a conversation, manage the conversation, and give everyone due attention. The guests will certainly be divided into groups, and the evening will turn out to be noisy and unsuccessful.
When is the best time to invite guests?
Usually guests are invited no earlier than 17 and no later than 19 hours.
But a variety of options are possible here. For example, people gather later to celebrate the New Year. If guests are invited to the dacha in the summer, it is probably better to set an earlier time.
Can you use toothpicks at the table?
In no case, picking your mouth is generally a purely intimate activity, it is not for prying eyes. And besides this, a person picking his teeth at a festive table looks simply indecent and unaesthetic.
Flowers - table decoration
Other gentlemen lead the ladies to the places indicated on special cards, then follow to the place indicated on the card.
Determining the guest's place at the table is an important concern for the hosts
The allocation of seats and neighbors requires great care and attention. The hosts have to take into account the merits and position of the guests, age, character, likes and dislikes of possible neighbors.
The most honorable places are located near the owner and hostess, who sit at the table in the middle. The most honored male guests sit to the right and left of the hostess, the most honored guests sit to the right and left of the host, etc.
When can you start eating?
You can raise your glasses, you can only make a toast, or offer it. “I would like to offer you this toast” is a completely acceptable phrase.
Beverages
To start a conversation about wine, I would like to give an extensive quote from the book “Good Form: A Collection of Rules and Advice for All Occasions of Social and Family Life,” which talks about what wine should be served with what dishes at the end of the 19th century at dinner parties in Russia: “The first thing we touch is wine. At large dinners it is customary to serve at least four different types of wine. And therefore, at each device there should be: a glass for Bordeaux, a glass of a well-known style for Rhine wine - in a row; behind them, closer to the middle of the table, is a champagne glass; The Madeira glass is placed in front, closer to the top edge of the plate. All of them should be placed so that they do not interfere with those sitting. They put in more glasses and glasses, so that their number sometimes reaches eight; but when there are ladies at dinner this should be avoided. If the dishes are placed as we advised above, and more than four types of wine are served, then the servants should serve a clean glass for each new type.
The order in which the wines are offered is also noteworthy. Although in the case of a larger or smaller number of dishes the order changes somewhat, the following can be accepted as a rule: after the soup, Madeira or port is served; For the second course they give Burgundy or Bordeaux, in general red wines. After the fish, porter and ale are served; for example, artichokes or asparagus are followed by white wines: rhine wine, chateau. First-class Bordeaux or Burgundy is served with roasts, and sherry is served with sweet dishes. Served with dessert: muscatel, aligote, tokay, etc.
They mistakenly think that champagne can be drunk only after a roast: at large dinners they drink it throughout the entire time spent at the table. It is necessary that each appliance has a printed menu and that the names of the wines served are also indicated on it. Not all men are such connoisseurs of wine that they can distinguish one from the other by taste, however, it is customary to know what you are eating and drinking; men are especially interested in the latter!”
Isn't it an interesting quote? A cynic who reads it will call the dinner party of that time a very big drunken party, although we understand that this is far from the case. After all, as the poet said:
Everyone can drink
It is only necessary
Know where and with whom.
For what, when and how much.
This quote interests us for a completely different reason. It describes in detail what wine should be served with what dish and when. And if you consider that modern etiquette has its roots in the etiquette of the 19th century, then this quote is simply a textbook on drinking on special occasions. With some amendments, of course. In the above passage we read that...
The first glass is drunk by the guests after the soup. Is it so?
This is wrong. Or rather, not quite like that. The first glass is drunk before soup and even before lunch, when guests can drink an aperitif.
What is an aperitif?
Translated from French, this word means “appetite-inducing.” Already from the very meaning of this word it is clear that an aperitif is consumed before meals to increase appetite.
These can be soft drinks, dry wine. If these are strong drinks, then they are diluted. The traditional ratio of 1:3 would apply to aperitifs.
The aperitif is consumed with salty cookies, fried nuts, fruits, etc.
An aperitif is not just an appetizing drink, it is also a means by which guests while waiting for those who are staying late pass the time, get to know each other if they have not known each other before, and remember past similar meetings.
Let's be more precise: during lunch, the first glass is drunk after soup. Then the first toast is made. Who pronounces it?
The most honored guest, sitting at the table on the right hand of the hostess.
Who has the right to make a toast anyway?
Making toasts is the prerogative of men.
If a toast is made to one of the ladies sitting at the table, how should she react?
If you are offered a drink to the health of a lady sitting at the table, she does not say anything in response and only bows as a sign of gratitude to everyone present.
How to pour wine correctly?
Wine is poured into glasses from left to right. If the host or one of the men pours wine for the lady himself, he must first pour a few drops for himself, then fill the lady’s glass.
One of the versions of the birth of this rule has its roots in the deep past, when poison was often added to wine.
By pouring himself first and drinking, the owner seemed to show the guest that the wine was not poisoned.
Another version has a purely practical meaning, but is also more prosaic. If crumbs from the cork get into the bottle, then by pouring some wine for himself first, the man will simultaneously remove these crumbs from the bottle.
How to hold a glass correctly?
Drinking wine or water also requires a certain amount of dexterity and grace, and there are rules and laws here. The glass is not clasped with your hand, but held only with your fingers. The glass is taken by the stem, not by the top.
Can wine and beer be served together?
You can, but only with fish. The wine is served white. This, by the way, is directly stated in the quote from the book about the rules of good manners of the end of the last century given at the beginning of this chapter.
And in general, let's talk sensibly. In the end, the guest will choose what he likes to wash down the fish dish with - white wine or beer.
How to clink glasses correctly and is it necessary to do it?
There is a tradition of clinking glasses after the first toast. In the future, you don’t have to do this, only indicating clinking glasses with a slight movement of the hand with a glass and a friendly smile. When clinking glasses, you should not reach across the entire table; here, too, it is better to indicate a greeting by lightly raising the glass.
The clinking procedure, if its rules are followed strictly, is quite intricate.
How much wine should be poured into a glass?
Wine is poured to half the glass or without adding 2 centimeters to the edge so that it does not spill. Do not fill the glass to the very top.
What wine should be served with meat dishes?
White wine is served with chicken, turkey, veal, boiled meat
Lamb, pork, goose, duck, beef are washed down with red wine.
Are strong alcoholic drinks served before meals?
Served as an aperitif, that is, diluted with water or soft drinks, juice.
What, besides cognac, can be served with coffee?
The only alcoholic beverages are liqueur.
What should be the temperature of alcoholic beverages served to the table?
What is the best way to snack on strong alcoholic drinks?
Salty, spicy, fatty dishes. It could be herring, cucumbers, meat, etc. Vodka does not “get along” well with potato dishes.
Is it appropriate to force someone to drink to the bottom if a toast has been made in someone's honor?
Naturally not. This is a gross violation of etiquette.
In this case, it is enough to lift a wine glass or glass and sip the drink there. That's it, the toast is supported by you. There can be no grievances or complaints.
Is it possible to pour strong wines into wine glasses?
No you can not. Champagne and dry wine are drunk from wine glasses.
What wine is served with dessert?
Dry white wines.
Is it possible to smoke at the table?
Only with the permission of the hostess and with the consent of the guests. It's best to do this after dessert.
If the lady sitting next to you took a cigarette, do not forget to look after her - bring a lit match or lighter.
At what point is lunch considered over?
The hostess gives the sign to get up from the table. She gets up, pushing her chair back quite loudly, bows to her neighbors at the table and, accompanied by her boyfriend, goes into the living room. Following her, the rest of the men escort their ladies there.
When getting up from the table, those present put the napkin in place without folding it.
Lunch is over and it's time to say goodbye
Not certainly in that way. After lunch, the evening continues for some time. Guests drink coffee, liqueur, and talk.
After about half an hour, the guests begin to leave, thanking the hosts for a meaningful evening. The hosts also thank the guests.
Responsibilities of hosts when seeing off guests
Guests are usually escorted to the front door. The owner must ensure that all ladies have companions.
The ABCs of table manners. Addition to what was said
So, we have already overcome some problems with communication complexes, and the next point will be communication at the table and at guests’ receptions.
How do you feel sitting at a table with several people? Surely at home you don’t feel any pressure when communicating with your loved ones and relatives, so we won’t delve into this topic, with whom else if not your family should you first establish contact? But here you are with friends, eating while sitting at a cafe table and trying to start or maintain a conversation - here the stiffness is already growing and the relaxation that you felt at home has disappeared somewhere. And finally, you are sitting at a party, in a circle of people you don’t know, and you are experiencing enormous tension. It is so big that you cannot even take your eyes off the plate, and you sit slowly chewing its contents, with the thoughts of getting out of here quickly.
For many people, this situation is painfully familiar, and in order to overcome this inhibition at the table, you need to understand some patterns for yourself:
- Learn to carry on a conversation at a party;
- Read various literature about table etiquette rules.
These 2 rules will help you avoid constraint in communication at a party, at receptions and in public catering places.
First of all, learn how to use a fork and knife. The knife is in the right hand, the fork is in the left hand. Hone the skill of using cutlery to perfection so that your head is not occupied by unnecessary thoughts that you might be mistaken for a pig at the table. Books that teach table manners will help you with this. But you don’t have to get too carried away - it’s enough to master the basic skills. This will help relieve tension in an unfamiliar environment and increase confidence at the table.
After that, learn how to carry on a conversation at the table. In an unfamiliar company, you can start by introducing and talking about yourself - we have already learned this in the previous paragraph on developing communication skills. Discuss the latest news at the table, talk about your mutual acquaintances or something in common that also connects you - after all, it is no coincidence that you found yourself at the same table with these people. Remember that these people also don’t know which side to start communicating with, and feel discomfort - so don’t be shy, and talk about anything that interests you, and may be interesting to your table neighbors.
And don’t even think about finding all kinds of reasons to refuse invitations to all kinds of celebrations. All understanding of how to behave and how to communicate will come with practice and experience. Go to visit as often as possible and invite guests to your place - after all, by breaking a certain pattern of behavior, for example, sitting at home alone in the evenings, you will acquire communication skills with people, and also make new friends and acquaintances. This will remove your inhibitions in communication with maximum speed.
News table conversation is a whole art that a well-mannered person should also master. Experienced reception organizers, when allocating seats for guests, always take into account not only status factors, but also the interests of potential interlocutors. That is why they do not seat spouses and foreigners who come from the same country next to each other - in this case, there is a great danger that they will communicate exclusively with each other, leaving other neighbors unattended, the site writes
Etiquette requires that each participant in the feast exchange at least a few phrases with both of his neighbors, and if the table is not wide, then with the neighbors opposite. Even a guest famous artist, writer or other celebrity should not talk about themselves all the time - other guests should be allowed to speak.
The hosts or organizers monitor the flow of the table conversation and, if necessary, direct it in the right direction, starting a topic that may be of interest to everyone.
There are a number of topics, clearly prohibited at the table:
Diseases and everything connected with them;
Criticism of the dishes served;
Gossip and discussion of both present and absent people;
Politics and religion.
The last prohibition is sometimes neglected when like-minded people gather around the table. But even if political and religious discussions do not develop into disputes, they are considered undesirable among educated people.
The conversation can be general when six or seven people gather around the table. In a larger company, it is better for guests to split into groups so as not to raise their voices. It is unacceptable to shout to your interlocutor across the table, even if you want to tell him something very important.
Not accepted start a conversation when hot food is served and may be getting cold. Table conversations are conducted over cold appetizers, as well as dessert, tea, and coffee. At the table you don’t need to look your interlocutor in the eyes, especially since when you turn to one neighbor, you find yourself with your back to the other.
Different countries have their own favorite table conversations. Americans even talk about family and hobbies at business receptions. In the East they ask about business and health, but in response you should not give details, especially negative ones. The French love to talk about culture, art and French cuisine, the British love to talk about gardening. Northern Europeans enjoy discussing ecology and environmental protection. Italians and Spaniards will be happy to carry on a conversation about the history and culture of their peoples.
However, when talking with foreign guests, one must be careful, since each nation has its own “sore” topic. So, with Italians they don’t talk about the mafia, with Turks - about the Kurdish issue. In Great Britain, Northern Ireland is not mentioned and the life of the royal family is not touched upon.
How to make toasts correctly
The word “toast” comes from the English name for a piece of toasted toast, which, according to etiquette, was served to speakers. The table speech appeared thanks to the ancient ritual of offering to the gods for good luck and prosperity at home. A little was poured onto the ground, accompanying the action with wishes of good luck and prosperity.
Now the ritual roots of the tradition have been lost. According to etiquette, while words of congratulations are being said, everyone falls silent, and the guests briefly interrupt the meal, sincerely hoping for a favorable course of circumstances. A short table speech is made before each glass drunk. A skillful speaker can turn it into a bright speech with warm parting words and wishes.
Reasons for toasts
The topic and basic wishes of the table etiquette speech should correspond to the occasion of the meeting. The reason for the celebration could be the conclusion of a successful deal, an anniversary, or.
The ability to correctly fit into the course of the evening according to etiquette, to grasp the general mood behind, and to correctly express thoughts will definitely be useful to the speaker. An expression of grief will require special delicacy and the absence of falsehood when pronouncing a toast, while a joyful holiday or a long-awaited meeting of friends will require cheerful goodwill.
At the table, according to Russian etiquette, it is important to follow a certain order of toast topics. The first glass is raised to the hero of the day, newlyweds or other heroes of the occasion. Then they drink successively to their parents, friends, and remember the dead.
A little about the contents of toasts
A simple topic for toasts will be the occasion of the meeting. A short speech about joy, success or sadness can be prepared in advance. At friendly gatherings for no particular reason it will be a little more difficult, especially if you have to join an unfamiliar company. The ability to feel your interlocutors will come in handy here. It is important that the resulting speech is not banal, but that it is interesting to listen to.
The toast structure includes:
- You can address everyone present or a specific person according to etiquette.
- Introduction. A few words about the connection between the reason for the speech and what is happening at the table.
- An incident or circumstance of the past.
- Description of what is happening now.
- Wish.
Traditional order of toasts
The order of toasts is determined by the status of the event participant.
- According to etiquette, the eldest family member or boss speaks first. He can personally greet the guest of honor, announce the reason for the celebration, and show cordiality and respect for those gathered.
- Then they give the floor to the hero of the occasion and the rest of the guests, starting with the closest ones.
- It is customary to respond to toasts with a personal address or a compliment immediately, without observing the order; the sequence in terms of status is not important here. The participant thanks for the words in his honor, expressing wishes for further friendship or cooperation.
What toast to say: examples of toasts and their sequence
Some expressions have become part of the Russian table tradition. These are standard words that evoke certain associations due to their use at every celebration.
For the meeting
The phrase traditionally begins a meeting. The words denote greeting and joy of meeting. They are supplemented by an assessment of the circumstances and reasons for gathering. Used in informal settings. Unites the company, helping newcomers or people who have not communicated for a long time get comfortable faster.
Toast to parents
Used as a tribute to the parents of the owner of the house or the hero of the occasion. The unspoken rule governing the order of pronunciation makes the toast the second one for any meeting.
For love
Pronounced as a wish for a successful personal life or simply as a beautiful phrase. The words are popular at the wedding table and on love dates. Not used in official settings.
For those who are no longer around
Sad words to honor the memory of the dead. Guests with a glass in their hands remember departed relatives and close comrades. They drink afterwards in complete silence. It is not customary to clink glasses when making a toast.
For those who are absent and those who are alive today
Recommended for friendly gatherings. Allows you to speak about friends or colleagues who could not come to the party. Initially, the phrase was used as a sacred phrase. It was said so that wanderers would return home soon.
Toast etiquette in different countries
The tradition of toasting is gradually dying out, and the custom of clinking glasses is considered old-fashioned in many countries.
- Residents of European countries use table speeches only at official events to say words of greeting or congratulations. Often only once per evening. At feasts, a standard word is said to indicate the clinking of glasses.
- When raising a glass of drink, Americans usually say the short “cheese.”
- Residents of China accompany a glass of local alcohol with the advice to drink to the bottom. They demonstrate fulfillment of wishes literally by turning the glass over.
- In Muslim countries it is not customary to drink alcohol.
- The countries of the East are famous for their long ornate table speeches.
Toast etiquette rules in Russia
Russians are familiar with the sound of table performances accompanied by the clinking of glasses. There are several rules and features of etiquette characteristic of the post-Soviet space.
- When touching glasses, it is customary to look into the faces of your neighbors. It is impolite to avert your eyes or turn away.
- You can't interrupt during a toast.
- After congratulations, according to etiquette, the hero of the occasion should wait until all the guests take a sip, and then drink it himself.
- Give a speech that is appropriate for the event and the gathering. Strange jokes and comments about the personal lives of guests should not be used.
- Drawing unnecessary attention to yourself with frequent, lengthy speeches is not recommended. According to etiquette, there should be few words so as not to tire those present.
- It is not necessary to completely empty the glass or wine glass. Drinking one glass throughout the celebration is quite acceptable.
- It is impolite to force guests to offer compliments and congratulations.
- According to etiquette, it is worth taking at least a symbolic sip after addressing the people present. If you are intolerant to alcohol, you can drink non-alcoholic drinks.
- A married couple can say common words between them.
The tradition of making toasts will make the party more lively. A short, skillfully composed speech will emphasize a friendly atmosphere. Sincere words sound better without unnecessary flattery.
