How to learn to control yourself and your emotions. Ignore the situation

Do you often lose your temper in difficult situations? Agree, the inability to control your emotions often interferes with life. Therefore, managing them is very important. Don't know how? We'll tell you!

This article is intended for persons over 18 years of age

Have you already turned 18?

What are emotions?

There are several definitions of the concept “emotions”. Some call this concept the expression of emotional experiences using voice and facial movements. Others are situational manifestations of feelings (short and quick). Still others are feelings that are expressed specifically for others. In other words, to summarize all the definitions, emotions are expressive movements that carry information about a person’s state and convey his attitude to a particular action or event.

There are several types of emotions:

• positive - forgiveness, joy, admiration, pleasure, etc.;
• negative - envy, hatred, anger, anger, irritation, etc.;
• neutral - acquiring different shades in different situations (for example, surprise).

Why do you need to control your emotions?

The ability to manage your emotions is very important for any person. First, emotions often arise in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Secondly, our emotions can hurt people around us. Thirdly, if we are overwhelmed with emotions, it will be much more difficult for us to concentrate on anything. Excessive emotions make it difficult to relax and unwind. The ability to manage emotions is a sign of a developed personality and an educated person who is able to control his feelings even in situations where it is very difficult. The ability to manage emotions needs to be developed. You can do this yourself or with the help of specialists who will give you practical advice.

How to learn to manage your emotions?

More than one book is devoted to acquiring the skills to manage emotions. This question is studied by such a science as psychology. We will try to briefly summarize the most basic tips on how you can gain control over yourself.

1. Watch your face.Before the emotion gains strength, remove it by changing your facial expression to a more neutral one. If you can do this, the intensity of passions will immediately subside. If this causes you difficulty, then you need to resort to training the skill of calm presence. This skill is one of the most effective and simple ways to manage your own feelings. Its essence is as follows: create a list of situations in which your face expresses emotions (curves, wrinkles, twitches, etc.). This often happens in situations where you have to do something unpleasant. Take control of this everyday situation (for example, washing dishes) and practice a calm face. In a couple of weeks you will start to succeed, and in six months you will have developed a corresponding habit. Your face will remain calm in any situation, and at the same time your character will become balanced and calm. A greater effect can be achieved by filming yourself. This way you can see how you have learned to control yourself, and this will inspire you to continue training. If you want to teach your child to gain control over himself, it will be enough to give him the command every time: “Stop, stand still for a minute with a smile!”, and in a minute you will see the result.

2. Watch your breathing.Your emotional state will immediately change if you change the rhythm and frequency of your breathing. If you need to raise your energy, it is enough to do exercises accompanied by sharp and strong exhalations. If you need to calm down, start taking calm breaths in and out.

3. Learn to control your thoughts, as they tend to control our attention. If you think about the positive aspects of life, you trigger positive emotions (negative thoughts create negative emotions). Your job is to avoid negative thoughts. This can be done by switching to other, more positive thoughts. To do this, you need to either say positive phrases out loud, or imagine bright positive pictures (for example, beautiful flowers, a rainbow, etc.).

4. Learn to manage your mood.The emotions you experience depend on your mood. Therefore, your task is to constantly improve your mood. The easiest way is to choose an action that improves your mood and do it every time. For example, you improve your mood by walking in the park, then every time your mood deteriorates, go for a walk in the park.

If you approach the issue from the perspective of mental hygiene, the following exercises will help you find lasting joy:

• start taking pictures of your unhappy face. You won’t like it, and you will subconsciously look for an option on how to make your face happy;
• standing near the mirror, repeat the phrase ten times: “What a bad mood I’m in.” As a rule, after the fifth repetition a smile appears and the mood becomes much better;
• If you are overcome by negative emotions and are in the grip of a bad mood, smile as widely as possible and maintain this smile for a while. You will immediately feel the negative emotions recede;
• laugh sharply - your mood will immediately improve;
• distract yourself from negative thoughts by turning your attention to positive aspects;
• mentally talk to yourself, asking questions: “Why do I need this emotion? What are the benefits of this emotion? Is there another way to respond to the situation? In dialogue with yourself, negative emotions will leave you;
• recharge yourself with the emotions of other people - a smile will cause a return smile;
• use chromotherapy and aromatherapy. Surround yourself with bright color pictures that improve your mood, your favorite smells;
• know yourself. The more you know yourself, the better you will learn to control your emotions and your mood. Try to talk more with friends and relatives about your feelings, then over time you will learn to accurately determine which emotion is possessing you at a given moment in time, and you will control it;
• use self-motivation. Determine those goals that will move you forward, give you the strength to overcome negative emotions, control your emotions;
• be positive. Treat any life situation more simply and try to see something good in each, even the most difficult one;
• avoid negativity. Choose your emotions yourself and don’t let anyone influence them;
• learn to let go of the situation. There are enough events in every person’s life that leave an unpleasant aftertaste. Let go of these situations, get rid of the burden that prevents you from moving forward;
• read books. Reading books gives you a lot of impressions and positive emotions. The book helps fight bad mood and depression, helps achieve inner harmony;
• Choose a hobby or hobby you like. Then you will have no time left for negativity, all your free time will be devoted to what you love;
• change the situation. Take a break from events and people that cause you negative emotions and recharge yourself with positive impressions.

Why is it important to know how to manage your emotions and feelings?

Strong emotions can add bright colors to your life, but at the same time they can destroy your health and psyche. Negative emotions dull your sensitivity to other people and contribute to the destruction of relationships with others. All your energy resources are spent on experiences, which means that you no longer have enough to achieve anything significant. For example, negative emotions can hinder your career if you fail to control them in the negotiation process.

As for health, negative emotions are the cause of many diseases, both psychological and physical. Therefore, it is very important to prevent neurological reactions by controlling negative emotions in order to avoid sad consequences. People who remain in a state of stress for a long time put their health at great risk (psychosomatics). This is especially important for students and schoolchildren during exams. Is a person able to cope with this on his own? Yes, definitely. By taking control of your emotions, you will become the master of your life and make it happy and harmonious.

Greetings, dear visitors to the site of psychotherapeutic assistance, today, in the self-help section, you will learn how you can manage your emotions and feelings using a simple cognitive therapy technique

How to learn to manage your emotions

You are introduced to the cognitive technique of Socratic self-dialogue to learn to manage your emotions and feelings.

How to bounce back and get rid of anger, especially if it is really unfounded, and how not to become aggressive at the same time?

To find out how to manage emotions, let's understand the cognitive model.

Its essence: “How I think is how I feel, and how I feel is how I behave (including the physiological reactions of the body).”

That is, our feelings and emotions, and with them behavioral and physiological reactions (blood pressure, rapid or slow breathing, increased sweating, lump in the throat, redness of the skin, and so on), directly depend on our thinking, on our interpretation of the traumatic , a stressful situation (in our example, the behavior of a friend).

The process diagram of a cognitive error (thinking error) is as follows:

Stressful situation – Dysfunctional automatic thought (Autothought) or idea (image) – Emotion (feelings) – Behavior (and/or physiological reactions).

In fact, in order to return to normal well-being, we can break this chain anywhere, for example, by changing the situation: if there are no thoughts about it, there will be no emotions...

But the situation cannot always be changed, especially since the unfinished situation with self-thought and unprocessed emotion remains in the head, in the depths of the psyche, and then manifests itself, for example, in relationships.

The emotion itself, or the behavior corresponding to it, is difficult to change, especially when you are experiencing it at the moment. Therefore, you and I will discover and change dysfunctional automatic thoughts (abbreviated as autothoughts).

Let's move on to the practice of using this technique to manage emotions

Maybe I thought what a dear friend I have, how attentive he is to me?

Hardly! I guess I thought that he didn’t love or respect me if he behaved like that? (thoughts are fast, so you need to catch them intuitively)

Well, this thought fits: “He doesn’t respect me,” so I got angry and was ready to beat him up.

Ask yourself the question: “How much do I believe in this idea that my friend doesn’t respect me?” (from 0 to 100%)… let's say 90% (write it down)

How strong and intense is my emotion of anger? (from 0 to 100%)… let's say 80% (write it down).

To do this, we conduct a dialogue with ourselves: ask and answer the following questions:

1) What is the evidence to support this idea?

We write down about ten pieces of evidence (arguments).

For example: He doesn’t respect me because he didn’t lend me money.

And we prove...

2) What is the evidence that contradicts this idea?

Here we find more evidence than in the previous question.

For example: He respects me because...

3) Are there alternative explanations for this idea?

For example: It’s not that he doesn’t respect me, he was just in a bad mood... had no money....

4) What's the worst that can happen if he doesn't respect me?

For example: we will stop being friends

5) Imagine that this happened and ask yourself: “Will I be able to survive this?”

6) What's the best thing that can happen if he doesn't respect me?

For example: he will respect me.

7) What is the most realistic thing that can happen if he doesn’t respect me?

For example: we will sort things out and continue our friendship.

8) What are the consequences of my believing this idea that he doesn't respect me?

For example: I will accumulate negativity, and we will quarrel.

9) What are the consequences of changing this thought?

For example: I will stop being angry, accumulating negativity, and I will be able to solve this problem.

10) What should I do about this?

For example: change your attitude (thinking) to a certain situation….

11) What advice could I give to a loved one in the same situation?

We write down a large adaptive answer, for example: “MY MOOD DOES NOT DEPEND ON THE RESPECT OF ME BY OTHERS.” (then you can re-read this several times to consolidate the result).

How much % do I now believe in this idea that he doesn’t respect me? For example 30%. (or I don’t believe it at all).

What is the strength (intensity) of my anger? For example: I no longer have anger (or so much).

If you did everything correctly, then the belief in the auto-thought will decrease or disappear altogether, as will the strength of the emotion, and you will feel better!

In the same way, you can control other emotions and feelings, auto-thoughts and behavior, including obsessions...

As soon as you feel a change in mood or the manifestation of a negative emotion (feeling), immediately ask yourself: “What did I just think?” and find an adaptive response.

Psychological Journal.

In everyday life, conflict situations often occur between people due to differences in temperament. This is due, first of all, to a person’s excessive emotionality and lack of self-control. emotions? How to “get the upper hand” over your own feelings and thoughts during a conflict? Psychology provides answers to these questions.

Why do you need self-control?

Restraint and self-control are something that many people lack. This is achieved over time, constantly training and improving skills. Self-control helps to achieve a lot, and the least of this list is inner peace of mind. How to learn to control your emotions and at the same time prevent intrapersonal conflict? Understand that this is necessary and gain agreement with your own “I”.

Control over emotions prevents the conflict situation from worsening and allows you to find someone with completely opposite personalities. To a greater extent, self-control is necessary to establish relationships with people, no matter business partners or relatives, children, lovers.

The influence of negative emotions on life

Breakdowns and scandals, in which negative energy is released, have a detrimental effect not only on the people around them, but also on the instigator of conflict situations. your negative emotions? Try to avoid conflicts and not succumb to provocations from other people.

Negative emotions destroy harmonious relationships in the family and interfere with normal personal development and career growth. After all, few people want to cooperate/communicate/live with a person who does not control himself and starts a large-scale scandal at every opportunity. For example, if a woman cannot control herself and constantly finds fault with her man, which leads to serious quarrels, then he will soon leave her.

In raising children, it is also important to restrain yourself and not give free rein to negative emotions. The child will feel every word said by the parent in the heat of anger, and will subsequently remember this moment for the rest of his life. Psychology helps to understand how to learn to restrain emotions and prevent their manifestation in communication with children and loved ones.

Negative emotions also have a great impact on business and work activities. A team always consists of people of different temperaments, therefore self-control plays an important role here: negativity can spill out at any moment when a person is put under pressure and required to do overwhelming work. And instead of the usual dialogue where the parties can reach a consensus, a scandal develops. How to learn to control your emotions in the workplace? Do not react to employee provocations, try to start a casual conversation, agree with your superiors in everything, even if the assigned tasks are difficult to complete.

Suppression of emotions

Constantly restraining yourself within certain limits and preventing the release of negativity is not a panacea. Suppressing accumulates negativity, and therefore increases the risk of developing psychological diseases. Negativity must be periodically “thrown out” somewhere, but in such a way that the feelings of other people are not harmed. How to learn to restrain emotions, but without harm to your inner world? Go in for sports, because during training a person spends all his internal resources, and the negativity quickly goes away.

Wrestling, boxing, and hand-to-hand combat are suitable for releasing negative energy. It is important here that a person mentally wants to give vent to his emotions, then he will feel relief and he will not want to take it out on anyone. However, it is worth considering that everything should be in moderation, and overwork during training can provoke a new influx of negativity.

Two ways to control your emotions:

• Do you dislike a person so much that you are ready to destroy him? Do this, but, of course, not in the literal sense of the word. At the moment when you feel uncomfortable communicating with him, mentally do whatever you want with this person.
• Draw a person you hate and write down on a piece of paper next to the image the problems that appeared in your life thanks to him. Burn the sheet and mentally put an end to your relationship with this person.

Prevention

How to learn to restrain emotions? Psychology gives the following answer to this question: to control your feelings and emotions, prevention is necessary, in other words - emotional hygiene. Like the human body, his soul also needs hygiene and disease prevention. To do this, you need to protect yourself from communicating with people who cause hostility, and also, if possible, avoid conflicts.

Prevention is the most gentle and optimal way to control emotions. It does not require additional human training or specialist intervention. Preventive measures allow you to protect yourself from negativity and nervous breakdowns for a long time.

The main thing is that it helps you gain control over your emotions - over your own life. When a person is satisfied with everything in his home, work, relationships, and he understands that at any moment he can influence all this and adjust it to himself, then it is easier for him to restrain the manifestation of negative emotions. There are a number of preventive rules that help manage your own feelings and thoughts. How to learn to control your emotions and manage yourself? Follow simple rules.

Unfinished business and debts

Complete all planned tasks in a short time, do not leave the work unfinished - this can cause delays in terms of deadlines, causing negative emotions. Also, “tails” can be reproached, pointing out your incompetence.

In financial terms, try to avoid late payments and debts - this is exhausting and prevents you from achieving your goal. Understanding that you have not repaid a debt to someone causes negativity and helplessness in the face of current circumstances.

The absence of debts, both financial and other, allows you to fully spend your own energy resources and strength, directing them to the realization of desires. A sense of duty, on the contrary, is an obstacle to mastering self-control and achieving success. How to learn to restrain emotions and control yourself? Eliminate debts in a timely manner.

Cosiness

Create a comfortable workplace for yourself, equip your home to your own taste. Both at work and at home, with your family, you should feel comfortable - nothing should cause irritation or any other negative emotions.

Time planning

Try to make smart plans for the day, strive to ensure that you have a little more time and resources to complete your tasks than you need. This will avoid the negativity associated with a constant lack of time and worries about the lack of finances, energy and strength for work.

Communication and Workflow

Avoid contacts with unpleasant people who waste your personal time. Especially with individuals who are called “energy vampires” - they take up not only your time, but also your energy. If possible, try not to interact with overly temperamental people, since any incorrect remark directed in their direction can provoke a scandal. How to restrain your emotions in relationships with other people? Be polite, do not exceed your authority, and do not overreact to criticism.

If your job brings you nothing but negative emotions, then you should think about changing your job. Earning money to the detriment of your soul and feelings, sooner or later, will lead to a breakdown and disorder of mental balance.

Marking boundaries

Mentally create a list of things and actions that cause you negative emotions. Draw an invisible line, a line that no one, even the closest person, should cross. Create a set of rules that restrict people from communicating with you. Those who truly love, appreciate and respect you will accept such demands, and those who resist these attitudes should not be in your environment. To communicate with strangers, develop a special system that will avoid violating your boundaries and creating conflict situations.

Physical activity and self-reflection

Playing sports will bring not only physical health, but also mental balance. Spend 30 minutes to 1 hour a day on sports, and your body will quickly cope with negative emotions.

At the same time, analyze everything that happens to you during the day. Ask yourself questions about whether you acted correctly in a given situation, whether you communicated with the right people, whether you had enough time to complete the work. This will help not only to understand yourself, but also in the future to eradicate communication with unnecessary people who cause negativity. your own emotions, thoughts and goals allows you to fully develop self-control.

Positive emotions and prioritization

Develop the ability to switch from negative emotions to positive ones, try to see the positive sides in any situation. How to learn to control emotions in relationships with family and strangers? Be more positive, and this will help you overcome your own temper.

The right goal is a great help in achieving self-control. When you are on the verge of a surge of negative emotions, imagine that as soon as you stop being nervous and paying attention to provocations, your dreams will begin to come true. You should choose only realistic, achievable goals.

Environment

Take a close look at the people around you. Is there any benefit from communicating with them? Do they bring you happiness, warmth and kindness, do they make you happy? If not, then the answer is obvious, you urgently need to change your social circle, switch to individuals who bring positive emotions. Of course, it’s impossible to do this in the workplace, but at least limit yourself from communicating with such people outside the work space.

In addition to changing your environment, expanding your social circle will help you develop self-control. This will give you new opportunities, knowledge and a positive charge for a long time.

The range of human emotions is wide and varied. Some of them are pleasant for us, others are depressing and do not have the best effect on our mood. But they are all capable of influencing our well-being in their own way. Therefore, it is very important to be able to control your own emotions, because, as the English proverb says, he who cannot control himself cannot control others. Moreover, in the modern world, overflowing with stress factors that the average city dweller encounters at every turn, it is simply vital to develop such a skill. How possible is this? AND how to manage your emotions?

What can emotions lead to?

Experts in the field of psychology and medicine have proven that indeed some types of human emotions can cause not only a strong and prolonged depressive state, but also lead to profound mental and physiological disorders. Thus, long-term strong negative emotions such as malice, irritation, anger, resentment provoke the development of cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. Therefore, it is very important to be able to properly control your emotional states, but not to restrain or suppress them within yourself, not to withdraw into them, but to “react.”

For example, a three-year-old boy is taught by his parents that crying is bad, that a man must be strong, a man has no right to cry and show weakness. As a result of this, the boy grows into a man who does not know how to find a common language with women, who all unanimously complain about his inability and unwillingness to demonstrate ordinary human emotions: to show tenderness, love, care. He would like to, but he cannot, because since childhood he has had a kind of “stop” - he cannot reveal his weakness. In addition, in many such cases, impotence and other sexual disorders may even develop.

Therefore, you need to be able to work with emotions correctly so as not to harm yourself to one degree or another.

How to properly manage emotions?

• Firstly, no matter what color the emotion is, you need to recognize it and find the cause. It often happens that we are in a bad mood and as if we ourselves don’t know why. And all because bad memories are repressed on their own, such is the protective function of the psyche. But even if the cause is forgotten, the effect will unpleasantly remind itself for a long time. And if we add to this possible causeless worry and anxiety, neurosis may arise. Therefore, it is necessary to understand what provokes your bad mood; which causes negative emotions.
• Emotions cannot be contained. This is the “golden rule” for working with both positive and negative emotions. The power of emotions lies in enormous energy, and if they are restrained, the energy will have no outlet, which is fraught with psychosomatic diseases, that is, diseases that, having a psychological cause, manifest themselves in a variety of somatic disorders. However, it is not always possible to show some kind of emotion, for example, if you were unfairly offended by your boss, then you cannot shout back at him. In this case, emotions need to be sublimated - find a more appropriate channel for their release, simply transfer their energy to some other matter. Sports, where there is an active release of energy, or lovemaking help here, but you can look for your own options.
• We need to talk about emotions. Some people don't know how or are simply afraid to talk about their feelings. Hence the lack of mutual understanding, and then a state of frustration, depression, neurosis, and thus a vicious circle emerges. Try to tell and explain to the person that his behavior or words caused you negativity. You'll see, sometimes words help too.
• If, nevertheless, the situation is out of your control, they do not understand you, do not hear you and do not want to hear you, there is one rather effective technique left: you need to try to abstract yourself from the situation. It is really difficult to be philosophical about the situation when an enraged boss is vomiting and lashing out at work. But try to remember something good, something that brings back very pleasant memories for you. Plunge into these thoughts, feel them, return mentally to the time when these events occurred. There is another technique: imagine turning off the sound. That is, there is a picture, but there is no sound: accordingly, you hear nothing and nothing affects you.

By managing his emotions, a person rationally uses the energy that could be wasted or not for good, directing it to eliminate the cause that provoked an acute emotional reaction. It is important to move away from the problematic situation at the moment and rise above it. Of course, the problem will remain for now, but you will have time to think, gather your thoughts and strength to solve it. Remember Scarlett O'Hara's famous words: “I'll think about it tomorrow”? Take an example.

TOP best tips that will help you control your emotions with two clicks of your fingers. Take it into service!

What kind of feelings do we experience every day: joy, sadness, anger, tenderness, mistrust, admiration, envy and much more.

And if sensations with a plus sign need to be enjoyed for as long as possible, then negative guests should be sent away as quickly as possible.

And it’s even better not to let them into your heart at all.

This article will help you with this, emotion management.

Believe me, it is not so difficult to tame your feelings, to make sure that they do not lead you, but you lead them.

Do you need to control your emotions?

You probably know that all people are divided into psychotypes.

And, if, for example, extroverts instantly unleash their emotions on another person, acting absolutely thoughtlessly and often to their detriment, then introverts remain a closed book, hiding all their feelings inside.

Often people don’t even want to learn or pacify envy, or control anger, or extinguish anxiety, chalking it all up to: “Suck it up! That’s my character!”

Naturally, blaming innate data for your problems and difficulties is much easier than taking a course: “ How to manage emotions” and put in a little effort.

Don't underestimate the destructive power of negative feelings.

Psychologists have long described their danger to humans:

From simple excitement to a state of passion, the path is not as long as it might seem to you at first glance.

Just think, you were angry with your husband, who once again threw his socks not into the laundry basket, but under the bed. They screwed themselves up and ran to sort things out.

And the husband, instead of the standard: “Sorry!” muttered something like: “Take it and put it away yourself, they don’t bother me.”

It’s good if everything turns into a banal quarrel and does not end in crime.

Most domestic crimes happen over small things.

Inability control emotions will lead to problems with others.

Even if your parents, friends, husband/wife, colleagues love you very much, sooner or later they will get tired of your imbalance, which means you are at risk.

If you were unable to immediately cope with a negative emotion and carried it within yourself for some time, then it has left its mark.

With each new negative, the trace will begin to increase, and soon you will be surrounded by negative energy, and this muck, as you know, has never brought anything good to anyone.

The inability to control emotions is one of the signs of human mental disorders.

Yes, yes, no matter how scary it may sound.

It’s one thing if you just lost your temper, but quite another if every little thing provokes you into an outburst.

In this case, it is better to see a specialist.

Bosses are wary of people who express their feelings too violently, not only negative, but also positive.

No one will entrust the management of a company or the management of an important contract to an unbalanced type, which means you can forget about a good career.

How to control emotions?

When you feel bad, you forget about everything... And when you feel good, even more so... We have generally become somehow surprisingly insensitive. And emotionless. Only tragedy, catastrophe can awaken feelings in us - and not always. And when everything is good, we simply don’t notice it, we don’t rejoice in what we have... We simply don’t have time to notice it.
Oleg Roy. Mothers and daughters, or vacations in Atyashevo.

If you were stepped on on public transport, treated rudely in a store, a colleague answered rudely, etc., do not give free rein to your first instinct: to rush into battle.

Slowly count to 10 in your head, after “ten” you will no longer want to be rude or make a scandal.

Every time you go shopping at the market, do you come back irritated because you again had a row with one of the sellers?

Buy groceries in a supermarket, through an online store, ask your husband or mother to take on this unpleasant responsibility for you.

The emotion that arises.

Imagine the anger arising in you in the form of fire, and then imagine how a powerful wave hits it, leaving not even a coal behind.

Do this exercise regularly and it will be easier to “put out” negative emotions each time.

Learn to feel sorry for the one who caused you negative emotions.

Well, just look at your boss, who regularly drives you crazy.

A sick old woman, without a husband, without a family, clings to this job because no one is waiting for her at home except cats.

Yes, her only joy is to provoke you to anger. So why not deprive her of her last joy?

Deal with conflicts correctly.

A woman pushed you in the minibus and instead of apologizing, she said something rude.

Spit!

After two stops you will get off and never see this boorish woman again, and she will remain a fat, uneducated woman with a bunch of s.....

Proper management of emotions - throw out that crap!

Undeserved insults hurt especially deeply.

Sometimes you just can’t forgive and throw her out of your heart.

You can get rid of especially persistent emotions with the help of:

how you can control your emotions.

Certainly, control emotions much more difficult than throwing them out on others.

You may well not bother and start a huge scandal for any harmless comment.

But if in five years you wake up in some nice place with bars on the windows without friends and family, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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