How to overcome shyness: getting rid of shyness. Become independent from the opinions of others

Occasionally, every contemporary person experiences a situation when he feels shy. However, for one person, moments of excessive shyness occur very rarely, while another person is forced to suffer from excessive timidity and tightness all his life.
An overly shy person experiences extreme discomfort: she cannot demonstrate her abilities. The prospects for building a successful career are closed to her. It is very difficult for her to build friendships and create a strong family.

Often a timid person is forced to play by someone else's rules, because he is unable to express his point of view and defend his own opinion. Often such notorious and timid people are drawn into criminal machinations; they become victims of assertive and decisive manipulators.
What are the causes of pathological shyness, how to overcome shyness once and for all, is described in this article.

Why shyness occurs: reasons for excessive shyness
The presence of abnormal shyness in a person in most cases is explained by the constant pressure of destructive internal factors. The main reasons for shyness are various irrational fears, obsessive doubts, logical fears, and painful anticipations of misfortune.
A shy person’s behavior is unconsciously guided by self-imposed restrictions and invented prohibitions. Such a negative internal state is strongly reinforced by erroneous conclusions, illogical decisions, and distorted opinions. First of all, a timid person is captivated by false beliefs about her own potential: her abilities, talents, capabilities.

All kinds of fears, suspicions, taboos, limits, uncertainties and other rubbish that lead to shyness are a heavy burden from personal history. Almost every timid and intimidated person has had traumatic situations, unpleasant events, and stressful conditions in the past. It was these destructive phenomena that helped to accept, nurture and consolidate incredible stiffness and painful shyness. It is negative personal experience and misinterpreted life events that firmly support excessive modesty and abnormal timidity.
Shyness is manifested by a person’s experience of feelings of uncertainty, indecision, and awkwardness when certain situations occur. Various factors can trigger a surge of shyness. This includes the presence of strangers, meeting new people, and meeting some outstanding personalities.

Confusion can be triggered by circumstances in which a person does not understand what steps should be taken, how to act correctly, in which direction to move. As a result, the individual is simply lost, losing his already dilapidated moral core.
Shyness quickly transforms from a short-term experience into a dominant character trait. Such a negative modification is often observed when a person does not want to notice and does not plan to correct his own shortcomings. When an individual is accustomed to existing with personal flaws, he does not want to develop and improve. Then shyness and bashfulness become firmly entrenched in the subconscious as the only acceptable and easiest behavioral model.

A good reason for the development of pathological shyness is inadequately low self-esteem of the individual. If the subject does not value, respect or love himself at all, then he is not able to consider and appreciate his own merits. The individual simply ignores his advantages and loses his individuality, merging with the submissive faceless mass of other embarrassed individuals.
The conditions in which a person spent his childhood years play a huge role in the formation of painful shyness. This includes the atmosphere in the family circle, the situation in the social environment, and the quality of relationships with peers. Unresolved childhood problems, lack of parental attention, physical or mental abuse are good reasons for the emergence of a feeling of inferiority and inferiority.

How to overcome shyness: 12 steps to get rid of excessive shyness
How to get rid of shyness? Every person should remember: timidity and bashfulness are not at all a “death sentence”. If a person has the right motivation, the individual sincerely strives to show individuality and wants to realize his potential as fully as possible, then overcoming shyness is a completely feasible idea. What should you do to eliminate excessive stiffness? Let's proceed with the following steps.

Step 1. Analyze the characteristics of your personality
How to overcome shyness? First of all, we admit that we have a problem; shyness occurs in our character. There is no point in deceiving yourself and assuring that the awkwardness will go away on its own.
We clearly define who exactly we are shy about and in what situations shyness overcomes us. We record on paper all the circumstances under which we felt constrained. We establish what deprives us of confidence: ambiguity of our own opinion, vagueness of desires, unclear goals. We find out what unsettles us: appearance, manners, gait, timbre of voice.

We remember: the origins of shyness lie in our inner world, and are not the result of an “unfair and cruel” reality.

Step 2. Eliminate dependence on other people's opinions
One of the good reasons for shyness is dependence on the opinions of others. We are so worried about what others will think of our actions. We are afraid to hear criticism addressed to us.
It should be remembered: other people tend to think more about themselves, and not worry about our character traits. In most cases, those around us are absolutely indifferent to what our opinion is and what our plans are. Other people are concerned about the structure of their own personality, so they are not particularly interested in what kind of mess we are stewing in now.

Therefore, we stop worrying about what others think of us. Determining our life path is our personal choice.

Step 3. Recognize our individuality
How to get rid of shyness? It is necessary to recognize: each person is unique, and begin to develop individuality. Understand that there is no such person as we are and never will be.
We should realize our inner essence and identify our characteristics. We must establish exactly how we differ from those around us, what abilities and talents show us in a favorable light. To begin to achieve our own goals and plans, we need to establish our true value.

Our goal is to learn to respect and value ourselves, because others are simply unable to accurately assess our inner essence. Recognizing your own uniqueness is an important step towards complete liberation from shyness.

Step 4. Form a positive opinion about yourself
One of the most powerful and incredibly effective methods that can overcome shyness is making positive statements about yourself. On a piece of paper he writes down short positive constructions addressed to himself. We formulate statements in the form of statements in the first person. For example:

Positive statements addressed to oneself help not only overcome shyness, but are also able to structure the personality as we wish.

Step 5. Developing your strengths
Each individual has its own pros and cons: it is impossible to find a perfect person in all respects. It is impossible to find a person who showed complete merit. Also, there is no person whose character consists only of shortcomings.
We discard our unattractive qualities, concentrate our attention and constantly work on developing strong positive aspects. We transform flaws into advantages. If we are not satisfied with the proportions of our figure, we can go in for sports and find an attractive body. If we are annoyed by our own appearance, we experiment and create a unique image. If we are infuriated by the current deplorable level of income, we are not afraid to try our hand at a new field.

The main thing is not to focus on defects, but to act to eliminate them. When a person engages in self-improvement, he gains self-confidence. Painful embarrassment will certainly leave a strong and courageous personality.

Step 6. Educate yourself
Nothing can eliminate abnormal shyness as quickly as a person’s conscious desire to expand the limits of his own intellectual abilities. An individual who courageously gnaws on the granite of science, masters a new foreign language, learns the basics of an additional profession, and in a short time gains adequate self-esteem.
Group or individual classes, the acquisition of new knowledge and skills create a sense of self-confidence and reward a sense of significance. Therefore, we try to expand our horizons, to learn more than we already know.

To eliminate shyness, it is necessary not to stop at the achieved stage of development, but to move forward every day to new achievements.

Step 7. Eliminate irrational fears
It is impossible to overcome shyness and shyness if a person’s thinking and behavior are controlled by illogical obsessive fears. A frequent culprit of excessive shyness is an abnormal fear of communication, fear of being in a large group.
We must take a step towards pathological anxiety: try to establish the cause of the worries and recognize that our personal fear is just a painful illusion. In most cases, abnormal anxiety is caused by personal negative experiences or is a consequence of negative beliefs.

It is necessary to reconsider the destructive components in the way of thinking and adjust the “life program” to a positive wave. If it is difficult to independently identify “errors” of the subconscious, you need to seek help from a psychotherapist.

Step 8. Sharpen your communication skills
We cannot overcome shyness if we consciously avoid people, close ourselves off from the outside world, preferring to exist alone. We should definitely start contacting other people and expanding our social circle. Of course, the first steps in socialization will not be easy, but over time we will master the secrets of full communication and hone our communication skills.
Where to start to get rid of shyness? To begin with, we make it a rule: greet neighbors and acquaintances, addressing them with a friendly smile. When communicating, we listen carefully to the interlocutor, do not interrupt his monologue, and ask questions on a topic that is interesting to him. We give compliments, sincerely admire his outlook, and show that communication with such a competent person is valuable to us.

We remember: no matter what area we operate in, it is advisable to fully interact with other people. We should take the first steps to meet each other and master the skills of fruitful communication.

Step 9. Improving your image
A common cause of shyness is dissatisfaction and irritation with one's appearance. We have the power to radically change our image.
First of all, you should start leading a healthy lifestyle: get enough sleep, eat right, and do not ignore physical activity. We can visit a beauty salon: get a stylish haircut, achieve fresh-looking skin, get a manicure and pedicure. We should review our wardrobe and get rid of the junk that has been clogging our closet shelves for years. We leave only those things that favorably emphasize our figure.

We are guided by the golden rule: it is better to have five expensive and high-quality items of clothing and shoes than to stock the entire assortment of second-hand goods in your apartment. We remember that a well-groomed appearance and neat clothes give us confidence and determination.

Step 10: Showing Confidence
Even if we are scared and awkward, in any circumstances we must demonstrate confidence and independence to others. Straighten your shoulders, raise your head, take your eyes off the floor and look forward. Breathe calmly and deeply. We get rid of fussy gestures and chaotic movements. We speak clearly and loudly enough.

A decisive attitude and calm behavior will not give a chance to put unpleasant labels on our personality. We remember what pattern of behavior we display in front of others; other people will evaluate us by this criterion.

Step 11. Recognize our successes
How to eliminate shyness? We begin to celebrate our smallest successes and achievements. We start a triumph diary: every day we diligently record personal victories in it. We are not ashamed to acknowledge even tiny gains. We thank ourselves for the work we have put into our own development and self-improvement.

Recognizing personal achievements is a great way to improve self-esteem, gain confidence and get rid of shyness. Every small victory is a big step forward towards true freedom.

Step 12. Getting used to the role of a successful hero
How to overcome shyness? We get used to the role of a fearless and successful hero. For a few days we take on the image of a confident person, which we can borrow from a famous actor or politician. We try to imitate his facial expressions and gestures, and speak with the same timbre of voice. We imagine that our every action and deed is being filmed on a video camera.

A short period of imitation of a decisive and authoritative person will allow you to develop effective self-control. Daily practical training of the desired qualities will consolidate the desired model of behavior in our inner world and eliminate shyness.

Instead of an afterword
The problem of how to overcome shyness and timidity is a completely solvable question. We should not withdraw into ourselves and avoid people: we should be active and energetic.

Shyness and its impact on human life. The causes and main signs of this behavior. Current ways to combat shyness.

The content of the article:

Shyness is an emotional state that makes a person feel discomfort, lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. This feeling is inherent in everyone, but the degree of manifestation is different for everyone. Its formation is influenced by family upbringing and past experiences. Fear of everything new and unfamiliar makes a person withdraw into himself and can lead to mental disorders.

The impact of shyness on a person's life

If a person is tactful, moderately embarrassed, and does not raise his voice, this indicates his good upbringing. But, if you always have a feeling of fear towards everything new, a fear of being in the center of attention and doing something wrong, you need to sound the alarm and look for all sorts of ways to overcome shyness before it’s too late.

A shy person is not always an eternally embarrassed and withdrawn person; he can play a role, wearing a quiet mask in public, and behave aggressively and hostilely with his family. This type of behavior is caused by the inability to express one's opinion in public or to act according to one's own desires, after which he finds relief in family quarrels, and the solution to this attitude lies deep in childhood upbringing. Even in infancy, you need to think about the consequences of parental influence.

The result of shyness:

• Lack of confidence in yourself and your abilities. A person who has this quality loses the ability to independently manage his life, follows the lead of those around him, while having his own point of view, but ultimately abandoning it. Such people are unable to get a job (they are afraid of failing the interview and being ridiculed).
• Showing fear of authority and members of the opposite sex. In the presence of strangers, they feel discomfort and suppression, are afraid to take the initiative, do not say what they think, and live by the principle - it is better not to do anything, so as not to be scolded. Basically, such people are closed and practically do not communicate with representatives of other social groups (considering themselves unworthy of their attention). They prefer virtual communication and do not make new live acquaintances.
• Various phobias. Shy people cannot force themselves to behave adequately and think clearly, while being subject to constant fears, which subsequently lead to depression. A shy person in most cases lives his life alone or with his family, never deciding to find a common language with society. Unwanted shyness can lead to global phobias, which in turn overshadow the taste for life with sheer fear of all living things.

The main causes of shyness

Opinions have agreed on the following reasons for shyness; let’s consider each of them:

1. Heredity. If someone in a married couple tends to show shyness, then this trait can be inherited by the child at the genetic level.
2. The influence of upbringing. A child subjected to constant prohibitions, reproaches and humiliation is at risk of becoming insecure with age.
3. Inability to make contact. This reason is due to the fact that basic communication skills have not been formed.
4. Low self-esteem. A person who is constantly criticized and condemned eventually loses faith in himself and his capabilities.
5. Social anxiety. People who are constantly afraid of being rejected, of falling flat on their face.
6. Bad experience. If a person has experienced a mental trauma in the past that shocked him, then isolation and fear of others may subsequently arise.
7. Created stereotypes. A child who is constantly praised is afraid of slipping up and, as a result, remains silent and does not express his point of view.

Important! Shyness is not a disease! An overly shy person does not see his own merits and, because of this, is subject to his own condemnation. But everything can be changed with a little effort.

The main signs of shyness in a person

The following forms of signs of shyness are distinguished:

• External signs: a person is not the first to start a conversation, looks away from the interlocutor, speaks quietly and hesitantly, answers briefly the questions put to him and does not support the dialogue with reciprocal stories or questions, looks for an excuse to hide from attention.
• Internal signs: such people know in advance that they are not interesting to others, they constantly feel looks of hostility on themselves, they mentally shame and condemn themselves, they are embarrassed in society and feel helpless and awkward.
• Physiological signs: sweating, tears, shaking hands, redness of the face, fragility in the body, chills in the stomach, rapid heartbeat.

Note! If a person is aggressive, this does not mean that he is self-confident and has high self-esteem. Take a closer look, maybe this is a mask behind which is hidden fear and self-contempt.

Features of getting rid of shyness

Psychologists have developed an up-to-date step-by-step methodology that will tell you in detail how to deal with shyness:

1. Appearance. If a person is shy and always feels a sense of fear, then the stereotype is triggered that he dresses in dark colors that are not conspicuous to those around him, is unkempt, does not take care of his appearance - after all, he is not interested in this, this is not the main thing in his life. By changing your wardrobe and style, a new look emerges. By emphasizing your attractive areas of the body, changing your usual hairstyle, a feeling of sympathy for yourself arises, which in the future will push the feeling of dislike towards yourself into the background.
2. Getting rid of idols. Creating an ideal for himself, a person mentally compares it with himself, as a result of which he acquires self-doubt and, without noticing it, begins to reproach himself for the inconsistency. Convinced of the superiority of another person, there is a desire to completely imitate him, while hiding his own merits and acquiring many complexes. We must remember that there are no ideal people; everyone has both pros and cons. By getting rid of idols, a person throws out from his subconscious the formed complexes that suppressed his own ego.
3. Communication skills. By avoiding communication with others, a person protects himself from knowledge of the world, from friends and acquaintances. The reason for the inability to conduct a dialogue is a small vocabulary, the inability to competently and accurately express the essence of thoughts, the fear of saying something wrong and being ridiculed as a result. This problem can be overcome by reading and using various practical techniques that are aimed at developing the speech apparatus. For example, E. Lapteva “Tutorial on speech development. 1000 Russian tongue twisters for speech development"; D. Carnegie “How to develop self-confidence and influence people when speaking in public” and many others.
4. Blanks. Shy people are afraid to find themselves in unfamiliar situations; to avoid awkward feelings, you need to rehearse your actions in advance. It is advisable to write down on paper some kind of preparation for a given situation and work out the sequence of your gestures, words, facial expressions in front of the mirror, which will help you gain experience, confidence in communicating with people, and subsequently protect you from incidents.
5. Getting rid of muscle tension. All people with shyness feel stiffness in their movements during communication; their fear tries to protect a person from negativity, hiding behind the so-called bodily shell. The clamp created by the body does not allow you to freely express your emotions, while feeling discomfort and muscle spasm. You can get rid of the shell with the help of breathing exercises, which will fill the body with energy, through massage, which will help relax tense muscles.

How to overcome shyness

Many people wonder how to get rid of shyness. First of all, you need to raise your self-esteem, start listening to yourself and relegating the opinions of strangers to the background.

How to get rid of shyness in children

There are a variety of ways to deal with this characteristic of a child:

• It is necessary to reduce the list of prohibitions for him. If a child is forbidden to do everything, he may withdraw into himself, in fear of doing something wrong.
• Introducing children to the need to say hello to passers-by. This method will allow the baby to easily come into contact with people.
• Under no circumstances should you compare your child with someone else, as this can lead to the creation of an unwanted idol and a decrease in self-esteem.
• If your child has done something wrong, do not judge him in the presence of strangers, but talk to him in private, thereby protecting your child from fear of the public in the future.
• Parents should not make excessive demands on their child, because without calculating their capabilities, they can unknowingly do harm.
• By allowing the child to make his own choices in a given situation, parents will allow him to gain a sense of importance and confidence.

How to overcome shyness for women

First of all, you need to make a list of positive qualities (if you can’t complete the task yourself, you can ask a friend or relative to do it). It is advisable to add to the list those qualities that you would like to have. Every morning and evening, peering into the mirror, you need to re-read what you wrote. This method will increase self-esteem and help you realize that not everything is as bad as it seemed.

Secondly, some women have shyness due to old-fashioned upbringing, but when you look around, you need to realize that everything flows and everything changes. Only those who keep up with the times will achieve success.

Thirdly, you need to learn to calmly accept your mistakes. There are no ideal people. Everyone makes mistakes, because only through their mistakes does a person gain experience in the future.

How to get rid of shyness for men

How to overcome male shyness:

• Firstly, many men are shy about women. To overcome this fear, it is necessary to imagine a communication situation and rehearse it with the help of an inanimate object or toy.
• Secondly, you should develop your communication skills, this can be achieved by expanding your vocabulary and gradually using it in practice.
• Thirdly, in order to stop being afraid of a love relationship with a girl, you should first just make friends with her, and during communication the fear itself will dissipate.

Shyness is a quality of many people. Such persons seem closed, unsociable, and fearful. To overcome this quality in yourself, you need to understand the reasons for its development. Psychologists are already addressing this issue, offering various ways to get rid of shyness.

As you know, what lies on the surface is not always the true cause of a given phenomenon. Just as a disease has its own specific foci of damage, which manifest themselves in symptoms already observed by the person himself, so various character traits, behavior patterns and reactions have their own primary sources.

Thus, it is often possible to meet a shy, shy, enslaved and insecure person. On the one hand, you might think that he was raised that way. Perhaps his parents told him that this particular model of behavior was acceptable in society. On the other hand, a person may have deeper reasons for the manifestation of these qualities.

Why is a person shy, self-conscious and unsure of himself? This is often due to the fact that he is afraid of looking worse than everyone else. He is afraid of making mistakes that could result in him being judged or rejected. This is a pattern of behavior that a person may have developed as a child, when his parents showed their love only on occasions when he did everything right and did not make mistakes. Then this manifested itself in the desire to be an excellent student at school, in order to earn not only the love of his parents, but also to receive recognition from an authoritative person - the teacher. A person strives to be the best. He is afraid to commit an offense that will entail censure and punishment in the form of deprivation of love. This is due precisely to the fact that parents loved their child only from time to time, as well as to the behavior of teachers who encourage schoolchildren only in case of good grades.

The root cause of shyness and self-doubt is a lack of love. First of all, lack of self-love. Secondly, a lack of understanding that a person is worthy of the love of others by his very existence. Accustomed to the fact that he is given love only because he is beautiful, smart, successful and does not make mistakes, a person strives to maintain this image in himself.

And it all starts with the fact that a person behaves shyly and closed in the company of new acquaintances. He is afraid of seeming stupid and unintelligent, so at first he behaves quietly, restrained and insecure. Although in fact a person simply observes new acquaintances in order to simply find out what way of thinking and behavior is acceptable in a particular circle of friends. After a short study, a person simply adapts to the behavior pattern of his new acquaintances. He loosens up and becomes more open, although in fact he continues to remain closed and unsure of himself.

A person simply wears a “mask” of being cheerful and similar to others. In reality, the same child remains inside, who is afraid of seeming stupid and making some mistake. Self-dislike remains, despite ostentatious qualities. And all this is only because a person in childhood was loved only for his merits.

A shy and insecure person needs to understand that he deserves love simply by existing. All people make mistakes - and that's normal. manifests itself to a person not because he is the best or most successful, but simply because he is who he is: imperfect, unique, unusual. Accept yourself as you are - without all the merits that you want to achieve in the future. Love yourself now. And then all your achievements will be aimed not at earning love, but at making you happy.

What is shyness?

What is shyness? This is a quality that is a consequence of self-doubt and lack of social skills. It manifests itself in fearfulness, stiffness, tension, indecisiveness and awkwardness. It occurs when a person is afraid of a negative critical assessment addressed to him.

Shyness is noted by people around who experience certain difficulties when communicating with such a person. To some extent, they begin to feel guilty that the shy person does not feel relaxed and free in their company. If all attempts to change the situation do not work, then people stop communicating with the shy person.

Thus, shyness significantly affects how long relationships will last with other people who have varying degrees of patience.

Shyness should not be confused with. Shyness is a character quality that does not in any way affect a person’s desire to communicate with other people. Social phobia is a pathological fear that provokes a person to isolate himself from others.

Why should you be interested in the question of how to get rid of shyness? The fact is that the life of a shy person is quite meager and monotonous. Shy people are unsociable, unsuccessful, secretive and lonely, because they tend to be alone. Shyness encourages people to avoid contact with others, which prevents people from realizing their plans and achieving success.

Shyness is not in fashion these days. Nowadays, people who are proactive and sociable are becoming successful. That is why advice from psychologists on how to overcome or get rid of the quality in question will be interesting.

Reasons for Shyness

To effectively eliminate shyness, it is necessary to understand the reasons for its occurrence. Here psychologists consider several factors that may influence its development.

1. Innate quality. Shyness is seen as an inherited quality that cannot be eliminated.
2. Lack of social skills. consider shyness as a consequence of fear within a person regarding social messages coming from outside. Based on the wrong attitude and, accordingly, behavior, shyness develops as a stable quality. It is necessary to remove fear of the reactions of the external environment, then shyness can be eliminated.
3. As a consequence of an inferiority complex. Not all children are healthy or aware of their potential. When a person sees that he is not able to achieve success, compete, realize himself, etc., then he develops an inferiority complex. He focuses on himself, on his shortcomings, losing the desire for contact with other people. The following categories of children are at risk: those who are often ill or suffer from organic inferiority, those for whom their parents did and decided everything, and those who do not have the skills and experience of social contact.
4. "Shy behavior." It is based on the fear of saying “no” or defending one’s opinion, caution, fear of contact and criticism. Such individuals are passive, dependent, dependent.
5. As a consequence of a defense mechanism. How does a person react to failures in life? One person withdraws and shuts himself off, which is why he becomes shy. The other person continues to struggle, which causes overconfidence to develop.
6. Temperament. Shyness is determined by the temperament with which a person is born. Thus, open, shy people can be found among phlegmatic and melancholic people, who are often introverts. However, even among sanguine and choleric people one can find internally shy people who outwardly manifest themselves as extroverts.
7. Parenting style. Shyness is seen as a quality that develops as a result of a certain parenting style. Here are some parenting models that can lead to shyness:

• Rejection - when a child is provided with everything except one thing - attention and contact with parents. It seems to interfere with parents in the implementation of their plans for life. The result is a timid, shy or aggressive child.
• Overprotection - when parents overprotect the child, do everything for him, interfere everywhere, command, etc. The child begins to actively resist this behavior of the parents. As a result, he becomes aggressive or withdrawn, fenced off.
• Anxious-suspicious model - when parents are afraid of everything and overprotect the child.
• The egocentric model is when the child becomes the meaning of life for the parents.

How to overcome shyness?

Only practice will help a person solve the question of how to overcome shyness. Psychologists offer various mechanisms of influence:

1. Increased self-esteem. Uncertainty significantly affects the level of shyness. Here you should not compare yourself with others and try to become better than others. It is necessary to value your own qualities and evaluate yourself individually.
2. Improving communication skills. Here you should communicate with people as much and as often as possible.
3. Increasing vocabulary, the ability to express one’s thoughts. Read and communicate more, practice your skills and use new words to express your thoughts.
4. Courageously face challenges that cause fear and timidity. While a person runs away from such situations, he is not able to cope with them and overcome his internal complexes.
5. Finding your strengths and advantages. You should focus on what a person is strong in rather than on his weaknesses. Even if these qualities are not popular in society, they should still be cultivated and demonstrated.
6. Visualization. You can imagine situations in which a person experiences timidity and shyness. It is also necessary to imagine your own behavior, which helps you get out of a frightening situation with dignity and not experience any negative emotions.
7. A normal reaction to rejection and criticism. All people face criticism and rejection. You shouldn't take them to heart. Just realize that these aspects are circumstances that do not affect your personality.

How to get rid of shyness?

Shyness manifests itself in the fact that a person is embarrassed and does not respect himself. At the same time, when he is brought to the boiling point, he explodes in a flash of aggression and indignation. Such behavior will cause a grin or even greater aggression and will be perceived as an inadequate reaction. In order not to be a victim of your own emotional imbalance, you should get rid of shyness.

Psychologists recommend eliminating shyness by realizing your weak qualities, accepting them and eliminating the fear of demonstrating in public. A shy person is afraid to realize his weaknesses, afraid of their manifestation in public, as well as the reaction of other people to his weak qualities. You should accept your shortcomings, stop being afraid of them, and see the beneficial benefits of having them in yourself. Then you don’t need to be afraid to show them in front of others. Even if someone doesn’t like your shortcomings, it’s not yours, but their problems.

Focus on your successes. Failures happen to everyone. But why focus on them? It’s better to think about when you were successful and how you achieved it.

Pay attention to successful people who are not afraid and are active. Lead by example from them in terms of how they think and treat themselves.

Failure is an experience, not a reason to withdraw into yourself. Treat losses and unpleasant situations as moments that teach you something, rather than punish you. They have nothing to do with your personality.

• Don't make excuses.
• Don't try to please.
• Say no when necessary.
• Be independent.
• Allow yourself to make mistakes and not know something.

Bottom line

Shyness hinders rather than helps you live happily. A shy person runs away from real life rather than living in his solitude. The result is the absence of real joy when a person wins, overcomes difficulties, achieves success, etc. The lack of achievements makes life boring, where shyness flourishes.

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LEV LANDAU METHOD

Face your fears

Nobel Prize winner, physicist Lev Landau suffered greatly from his own shyness. It often seemed to him that people around him saw his absurdity and secretly laughed at him. Then he decided to knock out a wedge with a wedge - to go towards what drove him into fear. His biographers give the following story. “Would you be kind enough to answer one question?” - Lev addresses the self-confident bearded man, who looks like a Nepman. He stops. "Why do you wear a beard?" - Lev continues in the same amiable tone. To stop himself from worrying about other people's opinions, he walked along Nevsky Prospect with a balloon tied to his hat.

MAHATMA GANDHI METHOD

Make others need you

Mahatma Gandhi was very shy to speak in public and talk to other people. He also had difficulty speaking his mind. Having chosen the profession of a lawyer, Gandhi initially felt uncomfortable: he was not successful in public speeches, he confused his words and had poor self-control. In the end, he decided to change his situation and went to work in South Africa, where many immigrants from India worked. It was there that recognition came to him: many compatriots who faced injustice turned to him for help, and he tried not to refuse anyone. So Gandhi not only gained experience in communication, but also realized his main goal - to fight for the rights of the oppressed.

“One of the best ways to overcome social anxiety is to volunteer, engage in social work related to helping other people,” advises Bernardo Garducci, psychologist and director of the Institute for the Study of Shyness at Indiana University Southeast (USA). – Firstly, you will master the skills of behavior in different social situations. Secondly, you will feel useful and needed, and this will give you strength.”

GLORIA ESTEFAN METHOD

Find your inspiration

The future famous singer Gloria Estefan was so shy that it seemed that a musical career was closed to her. But her future husband Emilio, who saw great talent in her, constantly pushed her to work on herself. “Emilio saw in me something that I couldn’t show to other people,” Gloria later admitted. “People mistook my shyness for coldness and lifelessness. He tried to give me confidence."

Shy people who are often overwhelmed by self-doubt need a support group. “It is important that this is not a savior who would reassure you, and not a persecutor who would criticize your mistakes,” emphasizes Bernardo Garducci. “You need someone who will push you to action, to development.” Such a mentor can be a trainer, a coach, or just a loved one. And for the inventor Thomas Edison, the artist Pablo Picasso and the musician Ray Charles, the mother was such a living talisman. “My mother told me: “If you become a soldier, you will become a general. If you become a monk, you will become a pope.” Instead, I became the artist Picasso,” said Picasso.

STEPHEN KING METHOD

Don't give yourself time to doubt

In an interview, writer Stephen King said: “There are a million opportunities for self-doubt. If I write quickly, writing down the plot as it comes to mind, only checking the names and significant background of the characters, I manage to maintain the initial enthusiasm and at the same time escape from the self-doubts that are just waiting to happen.”

“The ability to think deeply should not be confused with the tendency to obsess over something,” says psychologist Barr Taylor. – The more a shy person thinks about the problems he may face, the more his anxiety grows. On the contrary, if you find yourself in a situation that makes you anxious, you will be more likely to understand how to act.”

ELEANOR ROOSEVELT METHOD

Think about others, not yourself

Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of American President Franklin Roosevelt, suffered from timidity and shyness all her life. However, she was able to overcome this character trait by making empathy her strength. She supported women and blacks in their struggle for equal rights, winning the love of many ordinary Americans. Psychologist Susan Cain believes that Eleanor Roosevelt managed to transform her sensitivity into altruism.

The same strategy was followed, for example, by actress Geraldine Chaplin, daughter of Charlie Chaplin: “Before appearing in public, I forbid myself to think about myself. No, I don’t belittle myself, I just stop cultivating my ego - how will they react to me, and what will they say about me?.. This is what you’re most afraid of, you think about it all the time - how will they evaluate you? I turn into an active listener, an active observer, and over time I get so carried away by the process that I stop thinking about how I look or what I say.”

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S METHOD

Find something you're passionate about

The creator of probability theory grew up as a modest and very timid boy. He did not share the interests of other teenagers and was an outsider in companies. However, his passion for physics gave him strength and self-confidence. He found friends and like-minded people who shared his intellectual interests. By the way, Einstein's timidity did not extend to science. The following words belong to him: “A man who has never made a mistake has never tried to do anything new.”

Bernardo Garducci agrees that shyness goes away as soon as we become fully immersed in what we truly enjoy. “I remember I almost died of fear the first time I went on stage,” admits actor Harrison Ford. – But then I got sucked in, and after a while I could no longer live without the theater. This is what saved me. Otherwise I would have remained a failure for the rest of my life.”

For more information, see Bernardo Carducci’s books “Shyness: A Bold New Approach” (Harper Perennial, 2000), Susan Cain’s “Introverts. How to use your personality traits” (Mann, Ivanov and Ferber, 2013).

Shyness is a complex of problems and in order to get rid of it you will need various methods and techniques. However, the most important thing for achieving success is a firm intention to change your life.

There are four different approaches to combat shyness, each of which should be developed separately:

• Change your behavior;

• Change some social factors that influence shyness;

• Change your image of yourself and your shyness;

• Change the way other people think and act.

You should not make sudden movements. Overcoming shyness does not happen overnight; self-confidence comes gradually. You need to practice a lot and not be afraid of temporary setbacks.

The first thing to understand is that a person is not immutable, he is capable of changing, even radically. Human behavior and even human essence changes if the situation changes. Human nature is flexible and adaptable to the environment. Those animals and people who have lost this ability are subject to extinction. Therefore, in order to change your behavior, it is necessary to identify the factors that cause undesirable behavior.

In most cases, the desire to overcome shyness is weakened by the understanding that you will have to take the initiative. After all, shyness is a convenient defense against the worst - being uninteresting, unnecessary, unloved, unintelligent. However, it will become possible to change one’s life if a person believes that he is able to do this and refuses the dubious benefits of shyness.

There are far fewer shy people who remain this way throughout their lives than those who were ultimately able to overcome it. Shyness and indecision can be overcome, however, this will require significant effort.

Inertia and lack of initiative prevents you from revealing your potential and ability to communicate. You need to understand that practicing at home for 10 minutes will not solve the problem. If a person wants to overcome shyness, he must spend a lot of time, effort and energy to achieve the goal.

Working on yourself includes several aspects:

• understanding who you want to become;

• self-understanding;

• understanding the nature of your shyness;

• self-esteem;

• developing skills for successful social interaction;

• support for other shy people.