How to react to your wife's rudeness. Why are people rude? Don't discuss rude behavior with others

Parents teach their children to treat other people politely. The children are taught the rules of cultural behavior: do not be rude to elders, treat younger ones with respect. But, unfortunately, not all people follow such recommendations. For some, rudeness is the main way to prove to another person that you are right. This situation can be encountered anywhere: in transport, in a store, at work. Harsh words hurt deeply, and you don’t always immediately know what to answer to the offender. And the mood for the whole day is ruined. To avoid such situations, you should know

What are the reasons?

Rudeness is a special desire to insult an interlocutor or others by action or word. Moreover, it is based on irresponsibility and anonymity. If you ask a boor about his position, place of work, last name, the tone of his conversation will noticeably change.

It is thanks to impunity that rudeness flourishes so much. Previously, a person encountered unpleasant treatment in a store, at work, and in some public places. Today, with the increase in the number of cars and the expansion of social networks, inappropriate behavior is becoming more common.

To know how to react to rudeness, you need to understand what its causes are. So, psychologists believe that rude behavior is characteristic of the following categories of people:

Persons who did not receive enough love in childhood. In this case, a person tries to be noticed by others. After all, he always experiences a lack of attention, love, and communication. These are people who were not praised in childhood and were not given time to communicate with them. After all, every child needs the love and understanding of their parents. Not receiving the necessary affection and warmth in the usual, natural way, the baby resorts to rude, terrible behavior. And it is at this time that parents achieve what they want - they react to him, begin to indulge him. This method is formed in the child’s mind as the only way to attract attention. Accordingly, a person continues to use it in adulthood.
People seeking self-affirmation. This picture is observed if the interlocutor cannot answer adequately. In this case, the rude person rises in his own eyes and continues to humiliate the person with even greater force. Thus, he tries to assert himself. Often this situation arises if the rude person is a boss who has even minimal power, or the boor for certain reasons causes fear in the interlocutor.
A state of despair, disappointment, fatigue. In such a situation, even a cultured person can lose his temper and become rude. Of course, this will be followed by an apology. And here it all depends on the culture of behavior of the interlocutor. A well-mannered person will accept an apology and the conflict will be resolved. But if the collision occurred with a boor, then he will already be on edge. No amount of apologies will help here.

In addition, the inability to clearly argue one’s arguments can lead to rudeness. Sometimes you can observe the following picture when two people argue. The first provides concrete evidence to support his point of view. The other, being confident that he is right, cannot argue for it, but strives to go through the argument to the end. Often in such a situation, without compelling arguments, he breaks down and becomes rude. And, as a rule, it fails. At the same time, in the eyes of others, this person demonstrates how low her culture of behavior is.

Hams on the roads

Any driver knows that there are normal and inadequate road users on the highway. The second category includes those who cut off, change lanes, demand to be allowed through immediately, honk for no reason, constantly flash their high beams, or are eager to figure things out and prove, sometimes even with their fists, that they are right.

How to react to rudeness? And in what language do you communicate with a road rude person? Unfortunately, there is no universal instruction. Because inappropriate situations are always unpredictable. However, psychologists recommend adhering to certain rules. Compliance with them will not only eliminate rudeness on the roads, but also, in some situations, protect lives.

How to behave in difficult situations? Psychologists give the following recommendations:

Inattentive driver. Sometimes a situation happens when the light turns green and all the cars stop because of one traffic participant. The driver was distracted or lost in thought, and simply did not notice how the traffic light switched. People who are in a hurry begin to honk their horns frantically. This is a simple situation, but it is very annoying. If you find yourself in the role of a “sleeping” driver, then the best thing you can do is to say thank you to those who honked your horn. If you find yourself in the role of an impatient driver, try to “wake up” him more gently. For example, blink your high beams. Thus, the fight against rudeness should begin with you. Always remain adequate on the road.
Save time. Dealing with a rude person wastes not only nerves, but also precious hours. Two drivers who are not inferior to each other on a narrow road are very reminiscent of rams from a children's fairy tale. If you don't like this comparison, give way to your opponent. At the same time, reassure yourself that, unlike him, you drive perfectly in reverse. In addition, sincerely smile at the boor, and you will be in a great mood for the whole day.
Uncontrollable situation. If you could not avoid a meeting with an inadequate driver, know that you will not find a common language with him. Therefore, it is best to prepare thoroughly. Close the windows and doors, turn on the DVR or mobile phone in the car. This way you can record illegal actions committed against you. Do not try to explain anything to the arrogant driver yourself. It’s very easy to break loose and use improvised means, fists. But it is difficult to later prove that you acted in self-defense. It is best to try to attract the attention of others with a horn or emergency lights. You can call the police or loved ones for help.
Stress relief. After meeting with an inadequate driver, there is always an unpleasant feeling in your soul. Psychologists recommend calling your loved ones and telling them about what happened to you. Just complain. Having received the support and understanding of a loved one, you will quickly get rid of the negativity and be able to calmly continue moving.
Necessary rest. Sometimes you yourself may experience irritation at the sight of other road users. If everyone around you is perceived as a racer or a bad driver, you need to take a break. In such a situation, it is very important to follow the following advice from a psychologist. Get out of the car and get some fresh air. Do 10 squats. If such a release does not help, then do a dozen more exercises.

Rudeness at work

Unfortunately, this is not uncommon today. Rudeness at work from the boss is very common. The “victim” often tries not to pay attention to rude statements from management. After all, it is not always possible to make a remark to a superior colleague without negative consequences for yourself.

Of course, you cannot constantly ignore unpleasant statements. However, how to stop the rudeness of your boss? In certain situations, if the behavior of management or statements go beyond the norms of what is acceptable (the limits established by law), such persons may be brought to court.

But often the rudeness of management manifests itself in constant ignorance. Raised tones are used in communication and derogatory intonation is used. Sometimes a subordinate feels neglected. In such situations, it will not be possible to bring the rude person to legal liability. Here it is better to apply the recommendations of psychologists.

Rudeness or constructive criticism?

But before using the advice of a psychologist, you should carefully understand the situation. Some people, as a result of their emotional anxiety, may perceive criticism as rudeness. In this case, they lose very valuable and important information about themselves.

How to distinguish rudeness and insult from constructive criticism? The answer is very simple. Rudeness is aimed at destroying psychological integrity and hinders further development. Criticism allows the individual to recover. She motivates to improve.

How to behave at work?

If rude treatment of subordinates is a leadership style, then it is best to take a philosophical approach to it. After all, it just trains your endurance.

In such situations, the following advice from a psychologist will help you:

Answer management mechanically: “I’ll do everything,” “You’re right.”
You can honestly admit that you are lost from the screaming. The main thing is not to adopt a sarcastic tone. Otherwise, the boss will think that you are mocking him.
Tell your boss that you value his opinion. Therefore, you want to understand why he is angry and discuss it in a calm atmosphere. This behavior simply disarms boors.

Many people try to stand up to rude people. At the same time, they make mistakes, which even more cause rudeness and rudeness from the boss in response. Let's look at them:

Justification. This behavior is reminiscent of a child. In addition, an acquittal is an admission of guilt. It's also quite humiliating. This situation will only irritate management. Remember: no one needs excuses at all, they don’t want to hear them and don’t expect them.
Rudeness in response. It is very easy to get involved in a scandal. In this case, the boss will receive even more than he expected. The only exception may be a sarcastic response to a wit.
Silence. It is often perceived as dismissive neglect. This behavior causes even more aggression. Be sure to answer. At the same time, maintain a cool, polite tone. Keep your answers short. And then you can shut up.
Interrupting superiors. Be sure to let the boss speak. And only after waiting for a pause, answer.

Rudeness in the store

Very often rudeness comes from incompetent strangers. In this way they try to emphasize their importance and increase their status. They should not be taken seriously at all. And even more worrying about this.

Of course, it is very difficult to restrain yourself if you hear public insults in a store. The rudeness of sellers puts them in an unpleasant position.

So, if you encounter rudeness in a store, how to respond to rudeness? Advice from psychologists allows us to get out of the situation with dignity:

Universal phrases. Having heard rudeness from the seller, it is necessary to respond to him, citing facts that cannot be disputed. When doing this, use general phrases: “People are different. They live differently. They are interested in a variety of things. Different events cause different reactions.” An excellent example illustrating how to use such phrases is the following. The rudeness of the seller: “Why are you poking tomatoes with dirty fingers?” Answer: “Different people check the ripeness of tomatoes in different ways.”
Contact higher authorities. If the seller begins to be blatantly rude to you, this is regarded as an infringement on your rights. It is completely useless to answer him in kind. This is a waste of energy and effort. But how to protect yourself from rudeness? It is better to check with the manager who is the manager and contact him with a complaint. You can't leave rudeness unpunished. You can request a complaint book and describe the situation in it.

Try not to let the rude person take control of the situation. No matter what the status of your opponent, you have the right to demand respect for yourself. Let the insolent person understand this.
How to respond to rudeness if the rude person is so passionate about his game that he completely loses control? In this case, put it back in place. Try to moderate this person's ardor. You should not accumulate negative emotions. Otherwise, you will take it out on your family and friends at home. In addition, many rude people fully believe in impunity. Try to dispel this myth. However, do not cross the line of what is acceptable, do not lose control. Otherwise, you will sink to the level of an ill-mannered person. Your “performance” should not be demonstrative. Avoid waving your arms or shouting loudly.
Don't take all negative phrases personally. Just sympathize with the rude person. Such a person is dissatisfied with life. Therefore he deserves pity. A person who stoops to rudeness has a weak character. Therefore, how can her insults be taken seriously? Completely ignore all the negativity that has been addressed to you.
Respond to rudeness with humor. Try to joke about the person’s attempts to offend or humiliate you. You can even smile in response to the impudence. By doing this you will let the rude person know that his comments are indifferent to you. Your malicious smile will provoke a storm of indignation. Just laugh in such a person's face. He will understand that he failed and did not cause a negative reaction from you in return. You can “finish off” your opponent with the following phrases: “Did something hurt you?”, “Why were you so nervous?” Try to have the last word.
Show pity. A rude person is fueled by the energy of conflict. Therefore, a polite, intelligent and completely adequate person, having heard rudeness, will not respond in kind. He will ignore such treatment. A great way to suppress negativity is to feel sorry for such a person. Do not forget that often such people did not receive proper upbringing and care from their parents in childhood. They are usually unsuccessful in life. They are not liked by the opposite sex. They deserve compassion. Therefore, your non-standard attitude to the situation will completely destroy the plans of the energy vampire to “feed” on experiences and nerves.
Use your imagination. If a rude person expresses everything he thinks to your face, try to imagine that this person is behind glass. You don't hear what he says. This technique is quite a funny tactic. After all, you see how the rude man moves his lips, waves his arms, but you don’t catch a single word.
Talk to the person. Sometimes situations arise when it is impossible to ignore, let alone ridicule, rudeness. This applies to communication with loved ones, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. In such cases, it is better to talk frankly with the person. Try to find out what happened to him today and how his health is. You will understand what provoked this behavior. In addition, allow the rude person to look at himself from the outside and rethink unworthy communication.
Be positive. Rudeness is the lot of people with a negative worldview. Therefore, try to control your thoughts. Don't attract disrespect.

And most importantly: be confident in yourself! Only this model of behavior makes it possible to get out of any situation gracefully, while fully maintaining your own dignity and not feeling like a victim.

Living in a big city has a lot of advantages, but there are also a lot of disadvantages. A large number of different people on the streets, in transport and shops. Yes, everywhere you go. And we all have our own everyday problems, things that sometimes make us frown and get irritated with others: be rude to each other at work, at home. How to react to rudeness correctly in order to protect yourself from a spoiled mood, maintain your health, and calm the boor himself and bring him to his senses? After all, we all understand that this is just a momentary impulse of a tired person.

Why are people rude to each other?

It is necessary to understand the reasons for this behavior. Why do we offend with our irritability those who are nearby, and most of these are people close and dear?

Bad mood. It can be triggered by troubles at work or poor health. Yes, anything that upsets and leads to such an unfriendly state when we begin to break down with accumulated negativity, thus relaxing ourselves.
Character traits Some personalities are such that they are simply always irritated by everything around them. Of course, this man was not born this way. Most likely, this is a consequence of a large number of complexes. He is looking for an interlocutor who will allow his dissatisfaction with himself to spill out on himself and will not be able to answer.
Elderly people, due to a weak nervous system, sometimes cannot maintain the rhythm of the young people living nearby. They're starting grumble.

How quickly the conflict ends will depend on the people who entered into it, their wisdom and cunning. Let's look at some situations of rudeness.

How to respond to rudeness at work?

Since we spend a lot of time at work, whether we want it or not, we have to communicate with the team. And this is a collection of different people with their own problems and affairs. If someone is rude to you at work, assess the situation, understand the reason and then react:

If this is the boss, it is better to respect the chain of command. Even if you have a trusting relationship, work is work. He is wrong - explain why politely and methodically. If you are right, admit your mistake. The main thing is not to respond with impudence in response. This will elevate you both as a simple person and as a subordinate.
Or vice versa, you are the boss. You can hold a seminar on this topic with everyone at once, without naming names. If it doesn’t help, call, warn, punish with a ruble. Doesn't help - you'll have to fire him. No matter how specialist he is, he is a bad example for others. It can undermine your authority. After all, you can take it back later.

In any case, don't get too upset, otherwise you'll be rude to someone at home when you're stressed. But they are definitely not to blame now.

In this video, Natalya Tolstaya will suggest methods that allow you to correctly respond to rudeness and insults:

How to react to your wife's rudeness and rudeness?

Who can be rude to us at home? If you are a man and you have a family, then of course it happens that your wife is not in the mood and snaps. How not to offend your loved one and protect yourself?

Women are emotional people. And this is not without reason. Her mood swings are often caused by a certain physiological condition beyond her control. At such moments, just don’t be offended, show care and attention.
It happens that harsh behavior is chronic - sit down at the negotiating table. There may be reasons for this that are still unknown to you. Innuendos in the family are the main provocateur of everyone’s bad mood. Sincerity and openness will remove all misunderstandings. Sometimes she simply lacks your attention, she is tired, and you don’t notice it.
Defuse the situation, change it. Send your children to friends, spend time alone, women appreciate such moments. Make you feel needed and unique.
Do not allow yourself to be insolent in response, much less show strength.

A man should always be calm, especially if he is the husband and head of the family.

If your husband is rude

Not only wives are not in the mood, but also husbands sometimes lose their temper. How should a wife behave in such a situation?

Husbands also have a lot of problems: work, salary, debts, the car broke down. All this accumulates if you don't relax. Some go to the gym, and some work out at home in the kitchen. A wise wife will listen and be sorry. And you don’t even need to advise anything. It's better to just remain silent.
If rudeness is the norm, you should think about it Why. For no apparent reason, he won't admit it when trying to talk. Then resolve the issue radically, especially when there are children. They should grow up in an atmosphere of joy and smiles. Otherwise, they will follow your example and behave this way with other people.
Do not get into an abusive argument, do not respond to rudeness with rudeness. If there is no other choice, you can leave for a while. When a person is alone, he comes to his senses faster and understands the situation.

A woman means coziness and comfort in the home, love and understanding. Sometimes she has to, in spite of everything, become courageous, bring her soul mate to her senses, and be able to remain silent at the right moment for the sake of well-being in the house. Then to such a wife, her husband will only be grateful.

How to react to a teenager's rudeness?

Teenagers are a growing challenge that every family has to overcome. And it must be solved skillfully, because they are so vulnerable and touchy. What to do when a child starts to snap back?

Remember yourself at his age. What were you like towards moms and dads? How did they respond to your outbursts? Consider whether their behavior was wise. Depending on this, you can build your behavioral policy.
Common error: " Your problems are not problems, but nonsense. Here I have: salary, rent...“For him now his problems are the most important thing, the rest is nonsense. Help him solve them.
If he cannot stop and the situation becomes increasingly tense, act decisively. The best thing is a journey as a savage, in which he, a teenager, will have to survive: chop wood, carry water, cook food over a fire. Kind occupational therapy in the fresh air. Here they often rethink their behavior, grow up, and look at their parents from the other side: interesting and resourceful. Well, or come up with something similar. In general, extreme situations bring people together.

Everything is purely individual. Only parents who have always understood this, starting from the first days of life, can understand what is missing or what is in excess. The main thing is to want to understand.

Learning to manage our emotions

Psychologists advise the following for those who cannot restrain themselves even at the slightest distress:

Imagine yourself as the person you are now offending. Maybe now he has become unhappy and his day is completely ruined, most likely because of some nonsense.
Play sports, it builds character, helps you let off steam - this is a step towards self-control.
Take a look at your behavior from the outside, imagine what you look like: your face is distorted, your eyes are sparkling, your hands are shaking. Like? This is how your interlocutor sees you.
Learn to see the good in everyone and everything. The shortcomings of others can turn into funny punch lines, if you just want to.

Only working on yourself, and not on others, will give the desired result.

Everyone has their own behavioral scenarios for how to react to rudeness. Our advice, most likely, only confirmed or refuted your arguments.

In this video, psychologist Dmitry Moskovsky will tell you how best to correctly respond to boorish attacks from your interlocutor using NLP technology:

Every parent invests maximum useful qualities in raising their children. The younger generation is taught to be polite, friendly, and treat elders with respect. Later, when a person moves into adulthood, he already develops certain thinking and habits. But, unfortunately, not everyone has positive qualities, as they say, by nature.

Why are people rude

Lack of love is the most important factor. When a person does not receive enough attention, care, and love from his parents in childhood, he grows up alienated and angry. This behavior manifests itself in the desire to stand out, the individual is trying to be noticed. Lack of attention encourages a person to engage in verbal altercations at every opportunity, to be rude, and to treat people older than himself with disrespect. All this comes from childhood. With improper upbringing and lack of love, the child becomes very capricious so that the parents finally give him a portion of their “precious” time. This behavior carries over into adulthood. Consciousness automatically remembers the method of manipulation as the only option for attracting attention.
Self-affirmation is another criterion that defines a rude person. This scenario is observed only in those cases when an individual is rude to his opponent, who for some reason is inferior to him (in strength, material well-being, etc.). That is, it turns out that the strong offend the weak and due to this they gain strength. Most often, people in positions of power or those who have average weight in a certain social circle behave this way.
The inability to argue one’s position is the third aspect that influences a person’s behavior in society. Often, when a verbal skirmish or discussion begins, someone who simply has nothing more to say resorts to rudeness. Modern society calls this behavior “getting personal.” A person tries to offend his interlocutor by pointing out shortcomings in the latter’s appearance, his material security, and his family plan. When an individual has no arguments, he turns to outright rudeness.
Fatigue is a banal factor that determines a person’s interpersonal behavior and his attitude towards others. Frequent exposure to stress, constant lack of sleep, poor relationships with relatives and many other aspects can involuntarily provoke an individual to be rude at the most inopportune moment. Every modern person faces this, even those with the endurance of a “boa constrictor” and a stable psyche.

Save your time. If you find yourself in a situation in which another traffic participant begins to be rude, do not waste your time and health on him. Drivers who cannot pass each other on a narrow roadway and stand hood to hood resemble two sheep. In such a situation, act wisely, let the fool pass, because he is “on fire.” Reassure yourself that you drive perfectly in reverse, and he is incapable of anything except moving in a straight line. At the same time, smile at the boor, providing yourself with peace of mind for the whole day.
Take a break from the road. If your line of work requires you to frequently travel around the city by car, take time to rest. You don't have to stop on the side of the road in the city and sleep. Enough to take a break and do a warm-up for the whole body and eyes. Psychologists give such recommendations because often the driver himself provokes rudeness from other road users. If you start to “slow down” on the road, others will honk and wave their hands. Warm-up and rest should be resorted to when all drivers around are perceived as impatient racers.
Learn to behave in uncontrollable situations. Some drivers, especially young ones, lack tact and restraint on public roads. If you were unable to avoid a confrontation with a boor, do not try to talk to him in normal language. First, close the doors and windows of the car, point the DVR at the offender. This way you will record unlawful actions on the part of another person. There is no need to engage in small talk and try to prove something to the impudent person. Often such rants end in a fight. Try to leave the scene or call the police using the other driver's license plate number.
Be careful while driving. Let's give an example to make it easier to understand what we are talking about. You are the first at a traffic light, you gape, get distracted, and the light turns green. Drivers behind you start honking continuously to encourage you to start moving. The situation seems simple, but causes a lot of irritation. There is no need to honk or wave your hands in response. Pull away and flash your emergency lights at the drivers, apologizing for your mistake. To combat rudeness on the road, you must not be the culprit of this rudeness. At the same time, if you catch the driver in front of you by surprise, do not honk at him as much as you can. Flash your high beams to encourage them to start moving.
Relieve stress from driving. Every modern person has encountered rudeness on the road at least once in his life. After a hard day and attacks from other drivers, an individual feels mentally exhausted, like a squeezed lemon. Psychologists give their advice on this matter. They recommend calling your loved ones and simply complaining in order to relieve stress and call the boor with all possible words. Believe me, you will feel better.

How to deal with rudeness in a store

Appeal to management. If you regularly encounter rudeness from store employees, there is no point in wasting your nerves on direct investigations. Ask for a complaint book, state the situation. Then contact higher management with a request to hold the boor accountable. If the management does not agree to this, write a complaint to the prosecutor's office with the aim of sending an inspection to the specified pavilion. Never leave rudeness unpunished.
Get some universal phrases. If you are not one of the people who will bother with complaints and the prosecutor's office, act differently. When you hear another rudeness from store employees, give him facts that are difficult to dispute. For example, start talking about the reproduction of octopuses or remember the history of Spain. It doesn't matter what exactly you say. The main thing is to do it with a smart look and think philosophically. Try to confuse the seller so that he feels stupid and shuts up.

If your boss is a bossy person and never misses an opportunity to be rude, learn mechanical phrases. Answer him automatically: “Yes, you are right,” “I agree with your opinion,” “Okay, I’ll do it.”
When management is constantly yelling, admit that you get frustrated by the yelling. Try to talk to your boss normally so that he doesn’t take your words as malice.
Let your boss know that his opinion is important to you. Ask not to shout and offer to discuss the situation in a calm environment. Openness to dialogue will unsettle any boor.
Some people make the mistake of starting to make excuses to their superiors. This is of no use. You were told to do it, do it. Don't act like a little child.
Don't be rude in response if you don't want to be fired from your position. It is extremely easy to get involved in a scandal when you are tired of everything and no longer have the strength to work. This recommendation does not apply to colleagues; do not allow them to humiliate you.
Many experienced managers perceive the silence of subordinates as ignorance. So always look for the words to express yourself correctly. Don’t be silent like a fish; if necessary, defend your opinion with reason.
In order not to provoke even greater rudeness on the part of the boss, let him speak. Take into account everything your boss says. Don’t interrupt, answer only after the boss’s monologue has finished.

How to respond to rudeness from work colleagues

Know how to present yourself correctly. If you have just joined a new team, try to seem like a friendly person. At the same time, make it clear that you should not be offended. Always express yourself clearly and clearly so as not to look like a wuss.
Never show your insecurities to strangers. Your loved ones may know this trait, but not your work colleagues. Believe in yourself and don't let boors hurt your self-esteem. Always smile in response to rudeness, express yourself monotonously, but loudly.
At work, be mindful of social relevance. If your colleague is higher in rank, do not become friends with him. When the line between boss and friend is crossed, the manager will begin to be rude to you more often than others (due to friendship).
Show yourself as a true professional in the field in which you work. Don't openly show incompetence. Newcomers always get the worst of it, they are rude to them, they get angry at them. Don't act like one, be professional.
Don't be a black sheep. This rule is suitable for life, but in a work environment it is better to blend in with the crowd and not cause negative emotions. Respect the values of the team so that they come to your rescue when you encounter a boor.

How to respond to rudeness on the Internet

Modern people cannot imagine their life without a global network. Often, leaving comments on social networks and blogs, you can encounter rudeness. People often provoke each other to aggression. This is where the verbal altercation begins. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to respond to rudeness.
Often people sit on forums, and during correspondence, quarrels of various kinds begin. This gives rise to an unnatural interest in who will end up being right. Throughout the day, you can repeatedly check messages and scroll through further developments in your head. You are thinking about how to respond to rudeness and defend your point of view.
In this case, you shouldn’t get upset and beat yourself up, at least it’s not right. Your experiences are of no interest to anyone and are directed into emptiness. It is worth thinking carefully about the fact that overly aggressive people are not entirely healthy. They cannot express their anger anywhere except the Internet. Think that such individuals are insignificant.
Therefore, you should not overreact to rudeness under posts and on forums. A self-sufficient and adequate person can reprimand you and explain where you are wrong; he will not show aggression. In this case, you can continue the dialogue and find out who is behind the truth. Do not respond to rudeness with aggression; as a rule, such meaningless conversations do not end.
There is a way out when communicating with inadequate people. It is recommended to conduct a dialogue with them as with small children. Respond to all rude phrases with calmness and sarcasm. Don't stress and don't worry. All worthless threats will remain within the Internet. Don't waste your nerves on rudeness and empty remarks.
In another case, if a skirmish began between you and your friend, it is better not to continue the dialogue and meet in real life. Discuss problems face to face without public humiliation. Often people who suppress aggression in the real world often splash it out in the form of rudeness on the Internet. In this case, save your nerves, this is not your concern.

Show some pity

If you cannot calmly respond to harsh words and offensive phrases, show compassion and pity the loser. His actions indicate that the boor is unhappy at heart. Most likely, he has problems or simply a worthless life.
In this case, aggressive people try to compensate for the lack of attention with aggression and rudeness. Treat such a person with compassion. Understand that he is weak, then the reaction will change radically. The main thing is not to make excuses.

Make jokes back and load them with philosophy

In response to rudeness, try to throw out a smart and complex phrase. Directly ask the boor a rhetorical question that is difficult to understand. An aggressive loser will not understand what they want from him and will abandon the dialogue.
Try to respond to rude phrases with a subtle joke with meaning. In such a situation, the offender will remain a loser. If you can't make a joke on topic, you should show sympathy. Stick to simple phrases and don’t take harsh words to heart.

Respond with rudeness

This method is not entirely correct. Whether to resort to it or not is your own business. Things may not turn out the way you planned. It is not entirely correct to respond to rudeness with rudeness. Usually this method is the first one that comes to mind.
If you decide to be rude in response, it is important to understand that you are sinking to the level of the loser who was rude to you.
This way you lose your self-esteem. If you often resort to this method, you will soon turn into a boor yourself.

Know how to take criticism

It is important to understand that criticism and rudeness are completely different things. In the first option, you can conduct a relatively calm dialogue and defend your point of view. In the case of rudeness, you should not respond to such a person at all.
Unjustified aggression is not worth your nerves and attention. Typically, such behavior is not directed specifically at you, but at other participants in the dialogue or strangers. You should respond to rudeness with a sense of dignity; do not stoop to such a level.

Do not mention it

For your peace of mind, you can completely ignore the aggressive person. As a result of such actions, the boor will soon lose interest in you. The person will look for a new object to quarrel with.
Aggressive people who provoke such dialogue always expect a response. The more emotional the conversation develops, the more rudeness you will hear addressed to you. In this case, you should not show your resentment, this is the goal of a boor. Say that such dialogue is unpleasant for you, nothing more.

You can encounter rudeness at work, on public transport, on the way home, and even on the Internet. In order not to waste your nerves, you need to react to rudeness correctly. Never stoop to the level of the offender, this is exactly what he expects. Have self-esteem, do not be shy in front of a boor.

Video: how to respond to insults

How to deal with rudeness? At the bus stop, in a nearby store, in the office, on an airplane, at a parent-teacher meeting, and even in line for theater tickets - it seems that we are being rude everywhere. Rudeness has long become a characteristic feature of our society, like a chronic disease that cannot be cured. We asked experts how to protect yourself from the consequences of this disease.

Step 1: Understand

“The first reaction to rudeness can be emotional, but if you abstract yourself, you almost feel sorry for these boors - that’s how much negativity you need to carry within yourself,” shares Andrey, 25 years old.

In order to develop the optimal tactics for communicating with a boor, you must first understand the reasons for his behavior. The motives may be different, but they almost always indicate a lack of self-esteem, a desire to assert oneself or prove one’s strength to others.

“A boor compensates for internal weakness, conquers living space through clashes with others,” explains Nadezhda Kazarinova.

Or he tests the boundaries of what is permitted.

“This is how little children behave towards their parents: “Is this okay with you? And like this?" At first glance, this is a demonstration of strength, but it comes from self-doubt,” says Ekaterina Dubovskaya.

People often use rudeness to “run away” from situations of uncomfortable communication - they avoid clarifying relationships, claims from superiors, or awkward moments.

Why should we understand the boor instead of defending ourselves from him? The fact of the matter is that understanding protects us in many ways - and allows us not to take rudeness too personally.

“You need to remember that many cases of rudeness do not relate to you personally. Then, first of all, why be upset? And secondly, it’s easier to respond to an impersonal attack,” explains Ekaterina Dubovskaya.

Step 2: Gain Distance

“When faced with rudeness, I always feel confused; I don’t know how to respond to rudeness,” says Valeria, 37 years old. “Understanding how one should behave comes much later.”

Most people feel this way. A witty retort comes to us when the boor has already disappeared around the corner. This is a painful blow to self-esteem, but responding to the aggressor at any cost should not be an end in itself.

“The fact is that rudeness does not imply dialogue; it is destructive for relationships. Rudeness indicates a lack of contact, warns Ekaterina Dubovskaya. “Two people who try to resolve a conflict in this way are heading down parallel paths.”

A preventive cure for other people's rudeness is to develop self-esteem and, first of all, self-respect.

You shouldn’t be afraid of boor, much less show him your fear.

An effective tactic is the right distance.

“You shouldn’t be afraid of a boor, much less show him your fear. Remember that his main goal is to involve you in a dialogue built according to his rules. The boor feels unpunished because his “victim” cannot immediately break these rules,” comments Nadezhda Kazarinova.

“The ability to build boundaries that cannot be violated is an important characteristic of an adult,” notes Ekaterina Dubovskaya.

Step 3: Change the script

Before you “teach” a boor good behavior, think about what you want to achieve with your reaction. Show him how disgusting his behavior is? This will put you in the cycle of rudeness.

It is unlikely that a stranger will say: “Thank you for noticing my tactlessness. I won't do this again."

In this case, the main thing is to clearly convey to the boor the idea that he has no right to behave in this way towards you. Of course, without aggression and attacks.

Psychologist Anna Mstislavskaya suggests considering this situation from the point of view of transactional analysis:

“According to transactional analysis, each of us has 3 states of “I” - Parent, Adult, Child. From the position of a Parent, we are accustomed to teaching others, showing what is good and what is bad. But do not forget that the Parent not only criticizes (Critical Parent), he also cares about others (Caring Parent).

The reaction to rudeness from the position of a Critical Parent will be: “What are you allowing yourself to do? How can you treat me like this?” Such a reaction does not lead to further constructive dialogue. A caring Parent wants to help another, tries to understand his needs. This is a more constructive approach.

From the position of a Caring Parent, we can say: “I see your dissatisfaction with my behavior / my actions, I am very sorry” or use a somewhat manipulative phrase: “How can I help you?”

This way we show our strength and at the same time do not stoop to rudeness.”

The desire to protect ourselves will provoke us to aggression

An adult, when confronted with a boor, is more likely to avoid direct conflict - remain silent or apologize (depending on the situation), without excuses. Being in an Adult state, we are able to understand what motivates a person, why he is so rude to us.

From a childhood state (Child), we are unlikely to be able to resist the boor: the desire to protect ourselves will provoke us to aggression. And this will only lead to an escalation of the conflict.

Therefore, if we want to show another that we cannot be rude, it is better to focus on the position of an Adult or a Caring Parent.”

Don't have the strength to remain silent?

In the manual “How to protect yourself from rudeness. 7 simple rules,” psychologist Vladinata Petrova describes verbal self-defense techniques in dealing with boors. Here are some of them:

1. All situations when you are attacked are similar: the aggressor arrogates to himself the right to judge us and invade our lives.

Any aggressor, no matter how high a position he occupies, can be put in his place by pointing out to him the discrepancy between his real status and the role he has assigned to himself: “On what basis are you asking me these questions?”, “On what basis are you asking me?” Are you taking an exam?

2. If you were told something clearly unpleasant, but you find it difficult to find the words To express what exactly hurts you and what exactly you disagree with, ask: “Is this a question?”, “Is this a statement?” or “Is this an indication?”, depending on what the remark with unpleasant content is more like;

3. What to do if unpleasant communication drags on and the aggressor doesn't leave you alone? “In this case, you should ask the rude person a question with a verb in the passive voice, for example: “What made you say (do) that?”

This technique is a variation of the “Put a boss over the aggressor” method. With such a question you will show the attacker that he has become a toy of his own passions that control him;

4. If you want to make a comment to those who behaved disrespectfully with you, do not reproach the enemy for actions and qualities that cannot be imagined with the help of sight or hearing. If you say, “You shouldn’t raise your voice at me,” that’s a substantive remark. Or, for example: “Please do not talk about me in the third person if I am in the same room.”

If you say: “Stop talking boorishly,” you will attribute to your interlocutor actions that are not visually representable, abstract, the real content of which can be debated. The fact that your offender behaves “ugly” or “boorishly” is only your personal opinion.

Priority - relationships

In general, all our experts agree on one thing: verbal aggression as a response to rudeness is an extreme and not the best solution. And it only acts in situations that are excluded from life. By putting a rude waitress or a boor on the subway in our place, we can feel satisfied for a moment - and we will never see the offender again.

But in a situation of long-term relationships - with colleagues or relatives - such methods are not constructive. You need to understand that a conflict situation always means poor mutual understanding. In this case, you need to step aside for a while to understand its reasons.

She walked straight into the children's room in dirty boots, across the white carpet, leaving black footprints. Then she started yelling at my child because he quietly said how old he was, then she didn’t like that we called her home with a temperature of 37.5. “With such a temperature, they could have come to the appointment.” (This is in winter, in the cold!) And so on, everything like that. At the same time, she constantly emphasized that she works for pennies.

I couldn’t stand it and said: “Well, leave if you don’t like this job and your salary so much. Why are you taking it out on children and their parents, they are not to blame for anything?” She called me hysterical, said that I needed to go check with a psychiatrist and that she would never come to us on call again. I just don’t know how to behave in this situation and generally how to deal with such people in order to put them in their place. And in general, is it possible to do this or are such people not susceptible to any influence?”
Mother

Let us immediately determine that in the format of these comments it is, in principle, impossible to fully discuss such a capacious problem as rudeness, so let's call the following comments simply notes in the margins.

As always, there are two sides to a conflict: people for whom such behavior is considered the norm and its observers. On the first side, everything is more or less clear. These people grow here like mushrooms on the fertile soil of modern Russian dependency, indulgence in laziness, lack of culture, the predominance of material values over spiritual values, suppression of personal freedoms, self-respect and self-realization. A doctor who has studied for many years in order to hate his own profession, his patients and himself, besides unconditional censure, deserves pity. The one that will humiliate her even more and lead to a moral dead end. She does not believe in her ability to be respected, loved, honored, compares her wealth with each of her patients, tries to somehow compensate for her defective sense of self, humiliating and despising others.

Do you think she can be defeated? She has long since defeated herself, like millions of other Russians who do not see their tomorrow and do not believe that anyone will hear them, that someone needs them, that their vote in the voting that just took place can change something. Is it worth fighting with the effect, and not with the cause of the phenomenon?

How should the other side behave? Of course, feeling different, better, more civilized, fairer, I want to be heard. But, if this is so, then why impose your understanding of life and decency on others? Isn’t it better not to spoil the nerves of either yourself or the doctor, but simply defend your rights where they can be heard and implemented?

In this case, it is completely useless to re-educate the doctor. But if you consider her behavior dishonest and inconsistent with medical ethics, then you should write a statement to management or the health department and thereby try to protect not only yourself, but also your neighbors from such unobtrusive service from such a doctor. But we are too lazy to contact. And impunity triumphs. The slavish psychology of humility permeates us through and through, and we continue to indulge unprofessionalism, allowing such people to continue not to think about the need for changes in themselves.

There are a large number of people who have had to deal with a similar situation. Let's look at the most common mistakes. What is the problem? But the problem is that a note of dissatisfaction or irritation in the voice gives rise to a similar response from the interlocutor. What you gave is what you received.

Is allowing someone to behave in an insolent or inappropriate manner normal behavior? Of course not. The residue of discontent, anger, and irritation will continue to have a negative impact for a long time. What factors shape normal behavior? The first is adequate self-esteem. The second is a clear knowledge of your rights and the rights of your interlocutor. Third, the ability to defend one’s boundaries in a socially correct manner.

What could be the behavior in such a situation? The child’s mother could say: “Dear Mrs. Doctor. I respect you and your profession, which is very significant for each of us. “In addition, I understand how difficult it is for you, but in this situation I will ask you to respect us and the rules that exist in our family.” After that, list the main principles. And in conclusion, you can say: “If you are not ready for such interaction, we will use the services of another specialist. Thank you again for your understanding." It is possible that the child’s mother will lose contact with this doctor, but she will definitely retain her self-esteem. And it’s easy to live with this feeling.

Story two: “Here you sit, if you want to”

“What annoys me most are the people who always and everywhere jump in line. Because of such impudence, you also begin to behave like a market trader. But how else can you scare them away?! Recently I was sitting in line at the tax office, I arrived at eight in the morning and I’ve been waiting for two hours. And then the lady in furs brazenly walks, without stopping, opens the door and walks in. I would never have succeeded, I probably wouldn’t have had the self-control.

I thought that the tax office would kick her out of the office, but she remains there, despite the fact that there is already a visitor in the office, and when he leaves, the tax office attends to her. As a result, she comes out with a satisfied, arrogant expression on her face, which simply reads in plain text: “Yes, I had you all.”

I said to her: “Why are you waiting in line, people sit here for hours?” And she replies: “Here you sit, if you want.” He turns and leaves. At such moments, you just want to do something that will bring out such a boor out of balance and throw her off this pedestal. For example, pour a can of paint or something like that onto her wonderful fur coat. As a result, I thought about this incident for the rest of the day, scrolled through the situation in my head, and came up with various ways to take revenge. I actually spent the entire day on this woman. At the same time, I clearly understand that she is not worth my thoughts, but I can’t help myself and this upsets me even more than anything rudeness of the world».
Alyona

Commented by Vadim Kurov, psychotherapist

In this situation, everything is still more subtle and confusing than it seems at first glance. For a lady who has skipped the queue, the fact is obvious that she cannot afford to exist without showing her superiority over others. It is very important for her to be constantly on the lookout for new evidence that she is superior to others, thereby emphasizing her achievements and successes. And if they are not there, she simply deflates like a soap bubble, and she no longer has arguments in favor of what she lives for, what is the meaning of her being in the world. It is empty without these doses of adrenaline, conflicts, Pyrrhic victories. If she has a pedestal, then we only help her climb onto it, worrying about her behavior and actions.

The narrator of this story dragged her in the shower “all day”, at some point she even envied her cunning, worried about her inability to do the same or give an adequate rebuff. Yes, the boorish woman got past you faster, but you also gave her the most important thing - attention and emotional support, allowing her to drive you crazy. You can't imagine a greater gift for them. Keep your composure, and if you really feel numb, then express yourself. But not in order to shame or re-educate such people, but in caring for oneself, in order to remove the burden from the soul.

Take care of yourself - that's the main thing. She taught you a lesson that you can apply later: either check with such people in the future where they are in such a hurry, or, if justice is important to you, block their path. Calm and composed. They understand only strength, and the strength of a well-mannered person is endurance and self-control.

Psychologist-psychotherapist Konstantin Pisarevsky comments

Reading this letter, I remembered the parable of three monks who, looking at the sea, each thought to himself. One looked with joy at the waves splashing off the shore, another neutrally reflected on everyday worries, and the third thought with annoyance about when this excitement would end. Three people looking at the same event experienced completely different emotions. Alain can be understood. She is trying to defend her boundaries, her right to a turn. But was her behavior correct? How satisfied is she with the result? How comfortable is it for her to experience the feeling of revenge?

She is the judge. I would advise you to switch – it doesn’t matter what, the main thing is that your attention should be directed to a different situation, where you can emotionally “cool down” and come to your senses. Accept the imperfections of this world for yourself. Let him be who he is. Allow him to be perfect in his imperfection.

But what to do if a residue of discontent and irritation is still present in your soul? Use the little tricks that are available in modern psychotherapy. Just look at this situation from the outside, as if watching a scene from your life, where you are the main character. Of course, this will not completely get rid of negative feelings, but it will definitely improve your emotional state.

Story three: “Mare, you should sit at home, not drive”

You probably won’t find such rudeness as on Moscow roads anywhere. Recently, during rush hour, I was driving on one of the Moscow streets in the rightmost lane. I want to say right away that I adequately assess my driving skills - I am not a racer, and therefore usually, if there is a high-speed highway, I never occupy the right lane and do not stop those who are driving fast. But here there is a dense stream of cars ahead and behind too, so it makes absolutely no difference in which row you stand.

Suddenly, a large black SUV changes lanes behind my car and starts flashing its high beams and honking its horn. To be honest, at first I didn’t even understand what he needed from me. It turns out that in this way he demanded that I urgently change lanes into the adjacent dense traffic flow and let him pass. After I didn’t do this, he squeezed into the next row and, when he caught up with my car, opened the window and shouted: “Mare, you should sit at home, not drive.”

Then he suddenly changed lanes right in front of me (I thought he would scratch my car) and then began flashing his headlights and honking at the cars ahead. Someone let him through, didn’t want to get involved, someone didn’t let him through, and then he changed lanes into the next row and acted according to my scheme. I wonder if such people have at least something human in them? Maybe I should have covered him with three layers so that he would understand that he shouldn't behave like that? It just seems to me that as long as those around them silently swallow their rudeness, they will feel like kings.
Veronica

Commented by Vadim Kurov, psychotherapist

And another example of a little man who craves your attention and devours your emotions. True, if you let him devour them. These are the rudiments of the “new Russian” boys who acquired everything material quickly and aggressively. But somehow we didn’t have time to do spiritual, mental and moral things. And it turned out to be more difficult. They have children, servants, employees. And they all endure such monsters and gain experience in how to live. These little “fat kids”, derivatives of emptiness, yearning for the spotlight. Do not give them attention, emotions (especially negative ones) and remember that you have the right to live in a world where they do not exist. Look through them, talk through them, don't let them get over you by worrying about their behavior or speech.

If you can't actually win on their field, have your own. The worst thing for them is to look funny or absurd, but humor is a weapon of rare sharpness and skill. Study and they will seem to you like pathetic, mischievous puppies. But I wouldn’t advise you to re-educate them. This is a very thankless task. Let them live on this planet, as if in a parallel world. Don't worry about what, how or where they feel. Attention to yourself and only yourself.

Psychologist-psychotherapist Konstantin Pisarevsky comments

The situation that Veronica writes about is quite common on Moscow roads. And, unfortunately, it is difficult to overcome it. And is she capable of it? Are there not enough examples of showdowns with fists, bats, and traumatic pistols? And if we talk about stereotypes regarding women driving in our society, we will have to touch on a separate topic.

In real Russian reality there is a superbly working rule, the meaning of which lies in the three “Ds”: give way to the fool. And perhaps the wisdom of this rule extends far beyond the highway, so let Veronica reframe the problem. Let her set herself a task that will be aimed not at the desire to throw the “boor” off the pedestal, but at maintaining her emotional calm. This can be achieved by asking yourself the question: “How can I make myself feel as comfortable as possible when being in such situations”? There will be a goal, and, as they say, the means will be found.

Story four: “Busy here!”

The rudeness of our compatriots is most clearly manifested somewhere on vacation among Europeans. The difference in mentality is clearly felt. Here is an eloquent example. My son and I were on vacation in Turkey. We specifically chose a hotel where there are usually few Russians and mostly Germans, but there are still a small number of Russians. Breakfast, sold out, all tables occupied. You could, of course, wait it out and come later, but we are on an excursion and need to quickly throw something inside and be on the bus in fifteen minutes.

We see a free table, an obese lady is sitting at it, apparently alone. I come up and ask if I can sit down. “It’s busy here!” she answers me rudely and with pressure. “Can I at least take some chairs,” I ask. “Yes, you’re welcome,” the lady replies in the same tone, and I finally understand that she will be sitting at the table alone. However, there is no desire to fight for a place. The child and I, with chairs in one hand and a plate in the other hand, walk along the tables and look for an empty seat. Suddenly the Germans, whose table was actually complete (there were four of them sitting), moved and motioned for us to sit down. All this was done cordially, from the heart, with a smile. Is rudeness really just our national trait? When you think about this, it becomes very offensive for the nation.
Karina