How to tell a person that you are not interested in him. The interlocutor keeps interrupting me - what should I do? What should I do if a person often touches me during communication?

Now let's move on to the more practical side - communication...

Have you often encountered a problem when your friend or loved one is depressed, and you don’t know what to tell him or how to help him overcome this condition? It is very difficult to find the right words in such a situation, because a person may react incorrectly and even inadequately. Below are the most effective words that will help you support a loved one in difficult times.

Phrases that make it clear that you care about a person:

What can I do for you?

All written sources describing this problem advise SHOWING, not TELLING. Words are not all that is helpful to a person struggling with depression.

So, what I find most comforting at a time when it is impossible to gather my thoughts is a friend coming over and preparing lunch for me, or someone offering to tidy up my place. Believe me, practical care is a great support for a person facing grief or suffering from depression. Why not go and check on a person who has completely lost his mood?

Actions are very effective when, when communicating, you express compassion to the interlocutor in a practical way. Even if he is too humble to accept such help, I can assure you that he will place your words in that secret corner of his soul that will remind him: “This person cares about me.”

Maybe there is something that could help you feel better?

Talk to the person about something that once brought them joy, or about something new that could bring them joy. Perhaps he himself will not have an answer to this question, or perhaps he will remember something that could cheer him up now, but he is not able to implement it. Then you can provide him with this support and help him do something that will lift his spirits.

Brew him tea, be close, don’t say unnecessary words, encourage him to have a confidential conversation.

Do you want me to accompany you?

Maybe a person has been used to being alone for a long time and has not even thought about the fact that someone might be nearby when he needs to go shopping or get to some place. Moreover, no one accompanied him home. You can offer such support, it will show that you really care about the person and do not want to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Such actions will say more than just the words “I’m nearby”, “I’m with you”, “You can count on me”, because you are really nearby and you can really be counted on!

Do you find support in anyone?

These words say: “You need support. Let's find a way to get it."

This question will help you understand whether a person is surrounded by support from loved ones or whether he is left to his own devices. If you know that someone is trying to support him, but he himself does not talk about it or does not notice the support as such, then this will help you understand what is important to the person, what helps him and what does not.

The more loved ones show such care, the better for a person. If you know that he feels alone in his trouble and does not receive the support of loved ones, talk to them. Let them know how important it is for them to connect and be there for you during this difficult time.

You should also not forget that you can seek help from specialists if the person himself does not mind. I think this is not the first method of help, but if you yourself cannot help a person, it is better to entrust this to professionals. Again, only with the consent of the person. He needs to be helped to understand that depression is a serious and dangerous disease, but it is completely correctable, especially if the person himself understands this and is ready to fight.

This will definitely end and you will feel the same as before.

These words do not judge, do not impose anything, and do not manipulate. They simply give hope, and that HOPE will keep a person alive, or at least motivate him to live until another day to see if there really is light at the end of the tunnel.

This is not a simple and seemingly indifferent “This will pass”, “It happens and not so.” Such words show that you really care about what is happening in a person’s life, wish him and you sincerely believe that this will soon pass.

Make it clear that this is just a disease, a treatable condition, after which there is a happy life. Everything will not end with such experiences and emotions.

What do you think about most?

This question will help determine the possible cause of depression, what causes the most concern and occupies a person’s thoughts. You explore all possible causes, but don't settle on just one. When a person draws his own conclusions through such a conversation, he will take responsibility for what can be changed.

Perhaps your loved one now really needs a person who knows how to listen and encourage conversation with the right questions. Be gentle during this time and be prepared to listen more than you speak, and even be silent at the right time.

What time of day is the most difficult for you?

Try to find out when your loved one’s depressing thoughts are most disturbing and be as close as possible at this time. Don't leave him alone. Even when he doesn’t want to talk, believe me, over time this presence of yours will bring extraordinary fruits and healing.

Calling at the right time, the willingness of the other to wait until the time when he wants to talk about the problem, simply being present is very valuable! If you are nearby, hug the person, make tea, sit next to them and just be ready to help with all your being. In the most difficult times, you are there. And most importantly, they are constant.

I'm here to help you.

This is what you can say to confirm all the actions that you are already doing for a person. There is no need to throw around such words if this is not the case. But if it is true, backed up by deeds, it gives strength. It's simple. It is necessary. And in these words there is everything you need to say: I care, although I cannot fully understand everything, but I love and support you.

Silence.

This is the most inconvenient because we always want to fill the silence with something, even if it's talking about the weather. But saying nothing... and just listening... is sometimes the best and most appropriate answer in a given case.

Be sensitive and attentive. Don't chat in vain. Be closer to a person’s heart, it can understand without words.

How can you be ready to provide such support?

Supporting someone during a difficult time is not easy for the person providing the support. Firstly, because you may not know exactly how to help a person. Secondly, because you are simply worried about him, and yes, you also hurt somewhere inside from his pain!

In advance, stock up on patience and love, be prepared to wait as long as necessary. You won't always understand everything. This is not required of you. But if you are there and support and express your care in every possible way, you can do it.

But this requires a certain dedication. We are not always ready to invest so much in someone. To do this you need to really love.

Help a person find meaning in life. If you yourself are confused about this issue, we can talk about it with you. After all, there is nothing more important than the state of the human soul and the contribution we can make to relationships.

Choose the right time and place. The meeting place and the nature of the conversation about ending the friendship depend on the duration of the relationship, the degree of your closeness and the manner of communication. Choose a time, place and method of communication that best suits the nature of the friendship, rather than being the easiest or least awkward for you.

• Talk in person if you've been friends for a long time. Choose a place where you can talk face to face. Hint that you want to discuss an important issue so that the person will take the time.
• If you are a relatively new friend, or usually communicate online or by phone, you can send an email or call.

“Only in one case do we have nothing to be afraid of offending a friend - this is when it comes to telling him the truth and thus proving our loyalty to him,” - this is what the ancient Roman orator Marcus Tulius Cicero believed even before our era. At least two important conclusions can be drawn from these wise words.

Firstly, friends are your like-minded people, people close to you in spirit. A true friend will not hypocritically praise you, but will try to tell you the truth.

The Russian critic and publicist D. Pisarev spoke intelligently about this: “Who will tell me the truth about me, if not a friend, and hearing the truth about yourself from another is necessary.” So, only a friend is able to evaluate you objectively and tell you honestly to your face everything that he thinks about you.

And the second conclusion that can be drawn from Cicero’s words: it is very important in what form to present the truth, what words to choose, because a friend, perhaps, will not be offended by the most frank words, but how to tell the truth to someone who is not so close and not hurt him? This is why there are norms and rules of etiquette.

Show attention to the person to whom you want to point out the mistake and express your complaints. Put your indignation in the opposite form. Unclear? Let's explain: for example, if you are annoyed by the fact that your brother constantly takes your pens or pencils, and you really want to tell him that this is a bad habit, think about how to do this so as not to quarrel. There are many options for letting your brother know that you don't like his behavior.

Option one: you hide all your writing materials. When he wants to steal something from your table again, he will understand everything without words.

Option two: on each pen and pencil, make a bright inscription: “Don’t take it! It’s mine!” This will work, but not for long.

Option three: cover your entire table with a sheet on which is written in large letters: “Don’t get in - he’ll kill you!” But this is unlikely to work, since the forbidden fruit is too sweet.

Option four: When you see your brother's hand reaching for something on your desk, scream wildly to scare him. But this is only possible when you are at home, and in your absence you will have to come up with something else.

Option five: make a huge scandal: “I endured for a long time, but this is beyond my strength! Stop taking everything from me! I never take anything from you, get your pens and pencils and put them wherever you want, and what’s mine is mine! If anything happens again “If you take something from the table, you blame yourself!” Result: you will spoil the mood for yourself and your brother, damage your vocal cords, undermine your reputation as a kind and calm person, and, in the end, achieve nothing.

Option six, more humane: have a sincere conversation and clearly explain to your brother why you are not satisfied with his “love” for your pens and pencils. You can say something like: “You know, I don’t like your habit of taking my things from my desk. I can’t find them later. Please, get yourself your own writing utensils.” Of course, politeness works wonders, but not in cases where you need to eradicate a bad habit.

Option seven, the most tactful and correct: give your brother a set of pencils and some magnificent pen, say words after which he will not be able to help but use your gift, for example: “You know, I wanted to please you. I chose all this especially for you.” . Do you like it?" Say it heartfeltly and sincerely. The next time he wants to steal a pencil or pen from your desk again, excitedly ask: “Didn’t you like my gift? Why don’t you write with the pen I gave you?” After such care, it will simply be inconvenient for him to offend you.

Now let's touch on the tone of the statement when you tell a person the unpleasant truth about him or his actions. For example, this situation: you and your friend are going to a disco, and she dressed up and put on makeup in such a way that you simply feel embarrassed to walk next to her. How to tell her that she looks provocative?

So that she reacts quickly and you are not late for the disco, you can loudly and clearly command: “Well, quickly change your clothes and repaint, otherwise I won’t go with you!” Perhaps she will react and follow your order, but this does not mean that she will not be offended. Therefore, it is better to choose a different tone.

Replace orders with wishes or leading questions; for example, you can say: “Why didn’t you wear your little black dress, it suits you much better” or “You know, it seems to me that this skirt and this blouse don’t go together, do you want to choose something else?”

What to do with too bright makeup? Here you need to resort to cunning! This is not entirely provided for by etiquette. Tell your friend: “Wait a minute, your makeup is uneven - one eye is brighter, the other is lighter, let me fix it!” Don’t listen to objections and don’t let them come to their senses at all - grab a napkin or cotton wool and erase the too bright areas.

Another subtlety, the observance of which will help you tell a person the truth without hurting his pride too much. For example, your friend is always late for a date with you. It annoys you, but you don't want to offend him, so you don't tell him about it.

There are two ways to fix the situation. The first one is already known to you - take care of him so that he can no longer let you down. Give him a diary or notebook, in which you write down the exact time of the date with your own hand in his presence. Ultimately he must accept your hint.

But the second is to correct its shortcoming in a mild form. Don’t tell him at a meeting for which he was late again: “I’ve been waiting for an hour already! What kind of person are you! I’ll start being late too!” or “Listen, you already have a lot of shortcomings, but you’re also late every time!” This can only result in a quarrel or a final break in the relationship. First, praise him, say something nice, and then criticize him, for example: “I’m so glad to see you! You, as always, are impeccably dressed! I’m simply amazed at your taste! But being on time seems to be your weak point ".

To soften the blow that you will deal by telling a person directly about his shortcoming, try to cheer him up with the fact that he is not the only one who has such a terrible quality, turn things around so that you also had something similar, and you succeeded fix it.

For example, if your friend constantly complains about her life and whines that she is the most unhappy girl in the world, thereby driving you to depression, try pointing out her shortcomings as follows: “You know, I often had this mood too. I always At such moments I told my friends how bad everything was. They could not help, because these were my thoughts and my inner feeling, which only I could correct. One day I thought - why am I ruining the mood of everyone around me with my complaints and whining. , if only I can cope with my condition? You know, my friends began to communicate with me more willingly after I decided not to bother them with my whiny revelations and now I’m fine, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I can help you with something! ?" Most likely, your friend will understand the hint, but will not be offended by you for telling the truth, because she will see a kindred spirit in you.