Bad habits acquired during adolescence often have to be eradicated throughout adult life. What preventative measures can parents take to protect their children from addiction? And how to help those who have already succumbed to temptation?

Practice shows that most bad habits, which are difficult to get rid of for many years, we acquire in adolescence. The editors of Rambler.Families turned to experts with questions: why do teenagers start drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes, how to protect your son or daughter from getting acquainted with illegal substances, and is it possible to fight an existing addiction?

Why do they do this

Teenagers are fearless experimenters. The thirst to try new things is due to a young age, when everything is interesting and you want to “taste” the world around you, opening up new horizons. Today your child enthusiastically learns to ride a scooter, tomorrow he signs up for cutting and sewing courses, and in between these good activities he tries bad ones - drinks his first glass of martini or smokes a cigarette.

“Adolescence is one of the most difficult stages in a person’s life, which, according to psychologists, lasts from approximately 11 years to 21 years (girls usually mature earlier than boys). The child begins to separate from his parents, learns to make his own decisions, which may contradict his mother’s and father’s, and tries to feel independent. At this age, teenagers are most susceptible to the influence of their peers and strive to show the world their independence,” comments Olga Kuznetsova, a psychologist at the Yauza Clinical Hospital.

According to the expert, teenagers start smoking and drinking alcohol for various reasons: some try to prove to their parents that they are already adults, others use “adult” attributes to solve the problem of self-doubt, and still others begin to do it for company in order to appear “cool” in their circle. However, in any case, the bad habits of adolescents are the first conscious rebellion of children against adults and against the system in which they have to exist.

Psychotherapist at the K+31 clinic, Yulia Plyukhina, believes that all teenagers, to one degree or another, are at risk of acquiring a bad habit.

“Children from disadvantaged families are especially susceptible to this. Secondly, these are children prone to leadership, active, but with an unstable psyche. Thirdly, these are children who depend on the opinions of others. And another type of children prone to bad habits are introverted teenagers who are prone to philosophizing and who read a lot. They, as a rule, try drugs out of curiosity, they are interested in new sensations,” emphasizes Yulia Plyukhina.

Preventive measures

It is easier to prevent a disease than to treat it. This principle guides vigilant parents who conduct real surveillance of their teenagers: pack their bags for school, monitor correspondence on social networks, meet them after school, call them on their mobile phones. Such control does not lead to anything good. Often, wanting to annoy annoying adults, a teenager tries to prick them where it hurts the most, to jump into the thorn bush from which mom and dad so persistently tried to divert attention. How then can disaster be prevented?

“In my opinion, there are no preventive measures. Cigarettes and alcohol are not the root causes, but rather a consequence of problems that the child cannot cope with. I would advise parents of children who smoke and drink to think about what is happening within the family.

Ask yourself questions: why does a teenager have a desire to show his parents that he is independent of them and grow up ahead of time; Why doesn’t he feel confident and why does he need “doping” to accept himself?” - advises psychologist Olga Kuznetsova.

Psychotherapist Yulia Plyukhina believes that it is still possible to protect a teenager from harmful temptations. Try to ensure that your son or daughter has as little free time as possible, which he spends in the yard or at the computer.

“The child should be busy in his leisure time - sports, music, art school. For example, playing sports is a very good way to develop motivation. The main thing is that the teenager finds it interesting. You also need to build a trusting relationship with your child.

The child will listen to you only if he believes you. Children love to eavesdrop, and adults can use this technique when discussing among themselves how drugs can ruin a person's life.

It is necessary to tell how many worthy famous people lost their lives only because they used drugs, says the expert. – But do not focus on prohibitions, because this can cause the opposite effect and the child will develop an obsessive desire.

If we talk about alcoholism and smoking, then your own example is very important here. There should be a culture of drinking alcohol in the family. You can even have your child try alcohol at home for the first time. For these purposes, choose something sour and tasteless.”

How to save a drowning man

If you still failed to protect your teenager from trying the forbidden fruit, do not despair and under no circumstances blame yourself for what happened. In this case, it is important to make a decision, as they say, with a cool head. A teenager, seeing your confidence, will be more likely to listen to your arguments.

What in the behavior of a son or daughter should alert parents:

• At times, the teenager is drowsy or, conversely, extremely active (this behavior may indicate drug use);
• Sleep disturbances, sudden mood swings, irritability, even unmotivated aggression are observed;
• Dilated pupils;
• When smoking and drinking alcohol, a teenager emits a characteristic odor;
• Lethargy, unsteadiness of gait, vomiting (symptoms characteristic of alcohol intoxication).

“If you find out that your child has started drinking or smoking, do not scold him, do not shout, do not intimidate him or force him to repent of what he has done, because apart from aggression and fear on his part, this will not cause anything and only will make the situation worse. Talk to him and try to understand the reason that pushes him to buy another pack of cigarettes.

Perhaps the child is trying to convey important information to you in this way, but cannot formulate it correctly. Adult life simultaneously attracts and scares a teenager, and your task as a parent is to help him overcome this fear and grow into a conscious, psychologically stable and happy person,” advises psychologist Olga Kuznetsova.

The main thing is to let the child understand that you are ready to help him and go through this difficult path with him. But if the situation repeats, then you will treat this as a conscious choice and will no longer be able to help, says psychotherapist Yulia Plyukhina.

“In England, a person is treated for drug addiction or alcoholism for the first time, but he understands that if he starts using drugs again, his loved ones will not give him a second chance. That's why they have only three narcologists in the whole country.

In our country, addiction becomes a disease of the whole family, loved ones often devote their whole lives to the fight, not realizing that this only strengthens the addiction and motivates them to continue to use alcohol and drugs, since the patient is sure that his loved ones will help him, he does not feel fear for his health, does not think about the future.

But you need to understand that each subsequent treatment becomes less effective. And in order to fully understand your problem, you should be left alone with it, understand that your life depends only on you,” sums up Yulia Plyukhina.

Causes

uncertainty– if a teenager is timid and unsure of himself, then the bully seems to him to be an authority. After all, he is not afraid of anyone. Moreover, the child does not think that such behavior may be caused by the bully’s inferiority complex. The teenager only sees the outer mask and believes it. He begins to copy the behavior of such hooligans or make friends with them, and all because he hopes to become as confident and courageous;

adult misbehavior– a child can take revenge on his parents if, in his opinion, they behave incorrectly. And revenge will be expressed precisely in communication with bad company;

misunderstanding in the family– if parents do not listen to the teenager’s opinion and do not understand him, the child has no choice but to seek understanding on the street;

low self-esteem– if a child considers himself ugly, stupid, etc., then he can get involved with a bad company, since he will believe that he will not be accepted into another. Moreover, in such a company, other children will treat him with fear and respect, which means that self-esteem will increase;

– if adults do not want to take into account the child’s opinion and make an unfair decision (in the teenager’s opinion), he protests this way – by getting involved with bad company;

admiration for such companies– bad companies often look attractive in the eyes of other children and act as informal leaders. A teenager can admire such guys and strive to get into their company, then the illusion of being involved in something important is created;

overprotectiveness- if a child cannot take a single step without parental approval, this leads to the fact that the teenager strives to break out of such care. As a result, he may fall into bad company.

So, first you need to find out the reasons why the child has fallen or may fall into bad company. And then act.

How can parents cope with the situation?

You can protect your child from bad company if you communicate with him a lot, spend time together, share experiences, listen to his opinion and trust him.

Here are some more useful tips:

it is important to be an example for a child- not only how to behave correctly, but also how to have fun, how to communicate;
Find more interesting activities for your teenager– sports sections, various clubs, creative master classes will allow you not only to learn something interesting, but also to find new friends;
spend leisure time with the whole family– you don’t have to do this every day or every weekend. However, at least a couple of times a month you can all go on a hike, a picnic, a ski trip, play volleyball or snowballs together;
give the child more freedom– it’s important for a teenager. Therefore, you should not constantly interfere in his life;
increase self-esteem– if a teenager has problems with self-esteem, it is necessary to increase it. For example, find something in which he succeeds or can succeed and help the child or guide him. In addition, praise your teenager more often and give him tasks that he can complete, that are truly important and not too easy. This will help the child become more self-confident;
confidence– Trust is very important in a relationship. If a child has been accustomed since childhood to sharing his thoughts and feelings with his parents, and his parents have always listened to him attentively, then there is unlikely to be a problem with the influence of bad company;
if the child has already contacted bad company- You shouldn’t constantly scold and blame him. It is better to gently and carefully convey to the teenager why it is better not to communicate with such guys, and the child should think that he came to this idea on his own.

Parents should carefully guide the child, and not force or order.

Low self-esteem - if a child considers himself ugly, stupid, etc., then he may get involved with a bad company, as he will believe that they will not take him to another. Moreover, in such a company, other children will treat him with fear and respect, which means that self-esteem will increase;

The teenager expresses a protest - if adults do not want to take into account the child’s opinion, they make an unfair decision (in the opinion of the teenager), he protests this way - by getting involved with bad company;

Admiration for such companies - bad companies often look attractive in the eyes of other children and are informal leaders. A teenager can admire such guys and strive to get into their company, then the illusion of being involved in something important is created;

Excessive guardianship - if a child cannot take a single step without parental approval, this leads to the fact that the teenager strives to break out of such guardianship. As a result, he may fall into bad company.

So, first you need to find out the reasons why the child has fallen or may fall into bad company. And then act.

How can parents cope with the situation?

Naturally, it is important to act in accordance with the reasons that prompted the teenager to behave in this way. That is, if a child lacks attention, communicate more with him and spend time together.

If parents realize that they usually do not listen to the child’s opinion, change their behavior. And if adults recognize themselves in overly caring parents, it is worth giving the child more freedom and independence.

You can protect your child from bad company if you communicate with him a lot, spend time together, share experiences, listen to his opinion and trust him.

Here are some more useful tips:

It is important to be an example for a child - not only in how to behave correctly, but also in how to have fun, how to communicate;

Finding more interesting activities for a teenager - sports clubs, various clubs, creative master classes will allow you not only to learn something interesting, but also to find new friends;

Spending leisure time with the whole family does not have to be done every day or every weekend. However, at least a couple of times a month you can all go on a hike, a picnic, a ski trip, play volleyball or snowballs together;

Giving your child more freedom - personal space is important for a teenager. Therefore, you should not constantly interfere in his life;

Read more

Increase self-esteem - if a teenager has problems with self-esteem, it is necessary to increase it. For example, find something in which he succeeds or can succeed and help the child or guide him. In addition, praise your teenager more often and give him tasks that he can complete, that are truly important and not too easy. This will help the child become more self-confident;

Trust - Trust is very important in a relationship. If a child has been accustomed since childhood to sharing his thoughts and feelings with his parents, and his parents have always listened to him attentively, then there is unlikely to be a problem with the influence of bad company;

If a child has already gotten involved with bad company, there is no need to constantly scold and blame him. It is better to gently and carefully convey to the teenager why it is better not to communicate with such guys, and the child should think that he came to this idea on his own.

Ecology of life. Children: The period of adaptation of a child to a new team is an exam for the whole family. This is a test of the correctness and effectiveness of the chosen education model...

Many parents, when moving to a new place of residence or sending their child to school, worry whether other people’s children will have a bad influence on him. After all, in order to become part of the group, he needs to adapt to the rules and norms of the existence of this small community.

In adolescence, the opinion of peers becomes very important, competing with the authoritative parent or even relegating it to the background.

By seeking the approval of friends, a child can allow himself to disobey loved ones, and in some cases, even be insolent. So he tries himself in the role of independent and independent. These experiments with freedom are dangerous because a teenager may succumb to persuasion to do something that he previously consciously condemned: smoke a cigarette, drink an alcoholic drink, try drugs, commit theft, robbery.

Such a disaster is not inevitable. If by this time the child has formed sufficiently strong beliefs about “what is good and what is bad,” he will find ways to resist even very strong peer pressure, will be able to keep his distance and stay away from those who are trying to drag him into serious trouble.

Those children who felt like outcasts in their previous company and even in their parents’ home are at risk.

If a child is punished with physical violence, insult, humiliation, his opinion is not taken into account, and he is not given the opportunity to make his own decisions, he feels like a third-class person. He gets used to being led. Therefore, he is easily susceptible to both good and bad influences. In a street company he is destined for the role of “six”; he is manipulated by the ringleaders in their own interests. But here they don’t criticize, they accept him for who he is.

Parents are not able to control every step of their growing child. This is impossible either physically or psychologically. There is only one way out - by the age of 10-11, you need to have time to form in him the concepts of right and wrong, cultivate the ability to set personal boundaries and maintain them. In this case, the teenager acquires the habit of developing his own opinion and trusting it, making important decisions on his own and not giving in to temptations. Becoming self-sufficient, he will not be afraid to oppose himself to the gop company, remaining on the sidelines.

If your child is ignored, it does not go away without a trace. He is worried because in adolescence, communication with peers is very important.

It is reasonable to combine the recommendations of a psychologist and illustrative examples from fiction, cinema and television films. And your own experience can be invaluable.The main thing is to avoid maxims like “I would if I were you...”.

A middle ground must be found between nonjudgmental parenting and authoritarian leadership. The authority of parents undoubtedly has its place. But, oppressive and categorical, it limits individual freedom, and based on mutual respect, mutual recognition of natural subordination, on the contrary, it forms the correct idea of ​​​​freedom and self-restraint in case of danger.

Therefore, even if you know the correct answer to solving a problem, you should not rush into it. It's not worth the risk of being misunderstood about your concern. You need to carefully weigh the urgency of the moment and the responsibility for subsequent actions before the child hears your words.

The period of adaptation of a child to a new team is an exam for the whole family. This is a test for the correctness and effectiveness of the chosen model of education, the effectiveness of the scale of moral values ​​​​accepted in your family. published

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