Hugs, pats on the back and handshakes are part everyday communication. But some people find such physical contact disgusting. Psychologists decided to find out why.
All problems come from childhood
In 2012, researchers from Northern Illinois University conducted a study and found that people who were hugged frequently as children generally did not experience discomfort from such displays of affection and adult life. And those whom their parents did not press or cuddle, on the contrary, avoid hugs. Although among those who did not receive their dose of tenderness in childhood, there is a small percentage of people who are trying to catch up.
“Some children grow up with a hunger for touch and try to hug or at least touch people as often as possible,” explains Suzanne Deges-White, a professor at Northern Illinois University.
Express information on the country
USA(USA) is a state in North America.
Capital– Washington
Largest cities: New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Miami, Houston, Philadelphia, Boston, Phoenix, San Diego, Dallas
Form of government- Presidential republic
Territory– 9,519,431 km 2 (4th in the world)
Population– 321.26 million people. (3rd in the world)
Official language- American English
Religion– Protestantism, Catholicism
HDI– 0.915 (8th in the world)
GDP– $17.419 trillion (1st in the world)
Currency- U.S. dollar
Bordered by: Canada, Mexico
Darcia Narvaez, a professor of psychology at the University of Notre Dame, says the lack skin-to-skin contact in childhood can have two main consequences in adulthood: the person's vagus nerve or oxytocin system is underdeveloped. In the first case, the person will be incapable of compassion and intimacy, in the second, of creating close emotional connections with other people.
As evidence, Narvaez cited a group of Romanian orphans who were the subject of her 2014 study. According to his results, almost all children had problems with the production of oxytocin, which is why they grew up withdrawn and unsociable.
Few hugs - low self-esteem
Another conclusion that American scientists came to during their research concerns self-esteem. For those who avoid physical contact, it is usually low, because they do not know how to build trusting relationships with people.
“People who are open to physical contact with others tend to be more confident,” Deges-White says. - And those who have increased level social anxiety, may avoid intimacy even with friends.”
Although scientists admit that a dislike of hugs can also be characteristic of quite self-confident people. In some countries it's just part of the culture. For example, residents of the USA and England hug much less often than residents of France and Puerto Rico, and this has nothing to do with self-esteem. This is how it happened historically.
Benefits of hugging
There is a scientific justified reason love hugs: they increase immunity.
In a 2015 study, scientists from Carnegie Mellon University (USA) tried to find out whether hugs and other forms of affection affect the immune system. And it turned out that those who feel loved are indeed less susceptible to colds and viruses. Moreover, a third of this effect (32%) is associated with hugs.
It would seem that everyone should love holidays because it’s fun, people have fun, forget about problems, eat delicious food and dance. It is not clear what could be bad about the holidays, but there is a certain category of people who simply cannot stand holidays. Let's try to figure out why holidays are a joy for some, and a difficult ordeal for others?
All people are different!
It's no secret that people are divided into four temperaments. It turns out that melancholic and phlegmatic people have a bad attitude towards holidays, because they are very immersed in their inner world, do not like large crowds of people. As a rule, they experience certain difficulties with communication. Such people are laconic and stingy with feelings, because they do not know how to show them. They love solitude, they like to be alone, read books or watch their favorite movies.
Low self-esteem
Insecure people also don’t like holidays, because they don’t know how to express themselves and prefer to remain unnoticed. Such people, as a rule, are dissatisfied with themselves, they think that no one loves them, and people came to the holiday because it is customary. They cannot relax because they try very hard to please others, but they fail because the people around them feel the tension. Sometimes such people drink heavily during the holidays in order to somehow loosen up and, as a result, behave inappropriately. They simply do not know how to enjoy life; perhaps in childhood they were humiliated or reproached by the gifts they received.
Alone with problems
Workaholics also do not like holidays, because they sincerely do not understand what they are for. The question is, why waste days when you can earn money. Such people, even on holidays, try to keep themselves busy with work; they go to stores, wash dishes or install necessary connections. This behavior can be explained by the fact that such people do not want to be alone with their problems, fears and complexes; they prefer to run away from them and completely immerse themselves in work. Workaholics themselves do not understand why they work, why they need a million or a villa on the seashore. They still don’t know how to relax and constantly strive for some impossible ideal.
For some, holidays are work!
People who organize holidays for others, such as a toastmaster, host or animator, do not like to celebrate their own holidays because for them it is work. From constant communication with people, sooner or later a person develops emotional burnout, he gets tired of smiling in public, so when he comes home he doesn’t want to talk or have fun. You can understand such people, so you shouldn’t be offended by them if at their holidays they don’t behave like they do at work.
Unpleasant experience
For some, a dislike for holidays appears from childhood, because if a child constantly sees that at some celebration his father gets drunk, does not help his mother and behaves disgustingly, then most likely the child will not like the holidays. Children understand everything and are very sensitive to the relationships of adults, so if at a holiday relatives constantly make scandals or get drunk, then it is quite understandable where the dislike for holidays can come from.
There is a certain category of people who prefer to celebrate holidays whenever they want, they are free from stereotypes. The reason could be anything, for example, meeting a friend or making a successful deal or something like that.
It turns out that many people do not like holidays, for some reason. You need to learn to sincerely give people joy and gifts, then you will receive the same in return, and if you are always dissatisfied, then it is not surprising that you have problems with communication.
Can't stand it when someone hugs you? Especially when it’s not someone close to you who does it? We have it for you good news: You are not alone in your problem. For several years now, scientists have been studying how some people dislike hugs. And they managed to find out the main reasons.
For example, a study published in Comprehensive Psychology found that our aversion to physical touch has its roots in childhood. Hug – important element emotional education of the child. Its absence can deprive a person of the ability to compassion, as well as feelings psychological connection with other people.
If hugging was not accepted in your family, most likely you also do not feel much love for this form of showing care and tenderness. A childhood without hugs can have reverse effect. Having not received enough affection and attention in adolescence, a person will intuitively strive to make up for this deficiency.
A second reason people avoid hugs may be self-esteem issues. Psychologists have confirmed that people who are open to physical contact with others are more confident. Those who have high level social anxiety, are less likely to hug people, including loved ones.
There are also cultural factor, which explains why in some countries people hug each other more than in others. This may be connected both with the religious side of the life of the state and with the social one. According to a 2010 study conducted at the University of California, citizens of the United States and England are less likely to hug than residents of France and Puerto Rico.
How to understand that a person does not like to hug?
It is important to take into account a person’s characteristics when meeting business partners, clients, parents young man or classmates. By hugging someone against their will, you can cause them great discomfort. This can cause tension in your relationship. Before hugging someone you don't know well, watch his gestures. When meeting someone, does he prefer to extend his hand? A sure sign that this is where your greeting should end. A reluctance to hug can also be indicated by an alarming gleam in the eyes and nervous tension at the meeting.
What are the benefits of hugs?
Scientists from Carnegie Mellon University have proven that hugs are associated with... immune system. This way, the stress of a sudden cold can be reduced in the arms of a loved one.
How to overcome aversion to hugs?
Hugging more often. Most people who have suffered from this discomfort have tried to get out of their comfort zone and come to the conclusion that hugging is not so bad. With their help you can express your gratitude, delight, love. Perhaps your hostility was due to a temporary awkwardness that was simply worth getting over.
Why do some people don't like to hug? Scientists know the answer was last modified: September 11th, 2018 by Vlada Gorshunova
