And from our window the grapevine is visible
Pessimism has deep roots. We inherit something from our relatives by genes. That is, if your parents and grandparents loudly repeated: “Don’t become an optimist! Never!”, then it will be more difficult for you. It will be even more difficult for you if your parents never thought about an optimistic outlook on life and believed that it was better to think about the bad. Then at least there won't be disappointment if bad things happen. Yet pessimism is not the best life strategy. Because it has long been proven that optimists move through life faster and more confidently and achieve their goals. It’s simply more pleasant to live and communicate with them! Optimists move the world. Pessimists do not let it capsize. How to overcome pessimism? How to become a more optimistic person? I wrote about this in detail. And here you can read about my next experiment about how I tried to overcome the pessimism in me.
Martin Seligman identifies four ways to convince pessimistic thoughts of their inconsistency:
1. Where is the evidence?
2. Don’t cling to yourself - there were probably other reasons for what happened.
3. Trouble has occurred. So what? Learning to “drag”
Over the course of a week, I tried each of them, and more than once! It turned out that I am an incorrigible pessimist! Where is the proof? Serious pessimistic thoughts like “I’m so tired of all this”, “everything is bad for me”, “I’m a useless housewife” visited me eight times in a week! And you can’t even count the little things. So what? I dealt with pessimistic thoughts with one left, that is, one left... hemisphere. And it’s not worth counting the little things, because there was another reason for all this - we were moving!
Wednesday was spent under the motto “Who is faster” - I stack the boxes or Daniel (my youngest son) lays them out. At first I was faster, but Daniel improved his tactics. He began to climb into the boxes, and all I saw after that was his hand throwing out all the contents and sly eyes peeking out from time to time from the defensive structure.
“I’ll take both children to sports,” my husband took pity on me, and you can pack in peace.
Great! Only Alexander doesn’t like to go to sports in the evenings.
And I will offer him to ride on his own bicycle without pedals, he will not refuse.
And so it happened. With anxiety in my soul, I watched my husband on a bicycle with a trailer, in which Daniel was sitting, and Sasha, weaving along the road next to him. Nothing will come of it. He won't make it! It will fall and break!Where is the proof? They are not and cannot be, because they have never traveled so far in such a configuration! But there is no evidence, there is no point in making a mountain out of a molehill. March to collect boxes! And I trudged to the fourth floor. And the disturbing thoughts disappeared as soon as I plunged into getting ready.
I never thought that this process could be such a pleasure when no one interferes :) Ah, the children arrived safe and sound, happy and smiling, two hours later.
Since this morning I have been haunted by the thought of participating in the competition “What has changed in my life after I became a blogger.” What a competition! Need to pack! And faster than Daniel unpacks! Everything should be ready on Saturday and I only have one room packed into boxes! I won't be able to do anything! Where is the proof? There are none. I have moved many times already, including several times abroad and back to Russia, and it’s okay, I didn’t miss the plane and didn’t pay much extra for the excess. But then I didn’t have Daniel. Yes... These 12 kilograms greatly outweigh me. I will manage everything if I refuse this competition. Great. My thoughts calmed down and inspiration awoke. Giving up something is my favorite technique. After it, I always returned to what I had planned with a great energy charge. This is what I needed. You have already read about the result
My husband's parents came to my aid. My mother-in-law repacked several boxes for me and did it four times faster than me. Everything turned out smooth and smooth for her. And everything in my boxes is crooked and askew. I'm a lousy housewife. Ding-ding! I’m really not the best housewife, but I have a PhD degree! Moreover, legal sciences, not household sciences. The pessimistic enemy is defeated and flees the battlefield.
Saturday. Moving day.
We get up at seven in the morning. A car with loaders should arrive at half past eight. My biggest fear is that they won't come. They probably won’t come... We’re starting to “detragize.” Even if they don't come, we still have two weeks left to move. Let's find others. Without worrying at all, I poured myself some tea and stood by the window, looking at the road. Why not look at her one last time. Especially when a red truck pulls up to our entrance.
Sunday
Hurray! We moved! Everyone is equally happy - we finally have our own home! And they are dissatisfied in their own way. The husband is racking his brains over how he will connect the Internet to his work area. I look at the overgrown garden with three cacti and think how I will dig everything out there and create a patriotic flowerbed! Daniel loudly complains that he can no longer stand on the toilet and splash in the sink - it's too far away.
Daniel! - I shout to him to the place of his new splashing - at the sink in the kitchen. - You'll be all wet again!
Thoughts went in the right direction without any direction there. Pessimism, comrade mother. The child keeps himself occupied while you are here unpacking boxes, and you also appear! Really, let him do his own thing. And if he gets wet, it won’t be all of him, but only his sleeves and stomach. Let's change and dry. And so - 20 minutes of time to put everything out of the boxes, without fear that Daniel will put it all back again :)
Monday
For the second night in a row, before going to bed, Daniel stands in bed like a toy soldier and yells. I calm him down, but at least he cares! How tired I am of all this! What exactly? Only that Daniel does not want to fall asleep in his crib in a separate room. He can be understood. If I were now forcibly torn away from my bed and placed in another room, albeit with a stunning view from the window, I would be upset too. Moreover, the window is closed at night. And I didn’t have time to get tired of everything else. We just moved the day before yesterday :)
The next morning I woke up on my own, sleepy and cheerful. For the first time in the last two years, the children slept all night without waking up!!! Keep it up, stalwart tin soldier!
I've been trying to get Daniel to sleep after lunch for two hours. The results are still the same as in the evening. It's 15.30. He should have gotten up by now, but he still hadn’t fallen asleep. I'm tired of sorting through boxes and thinking about how to keep this living space in order? My husband is sleeping after a night shift. Daniel jumps between us, happy to be back in his parents' bed. I close my eyes and think how bad things are for me. And to be more specific? The question pops up by itself. Daniel can’t fit in, there’s no internet, the TV doesn’t work, the phone doesn’t work either, I can’t write, I can’t check my email, I can’t order the missing furniture either. Look like that's it. While she was listing, Daniel snuggled up to his dad and fell asleep :) How good! Well, now let's get to work!
My conclusions about the fight against pessimism:
- Most of my pessimistic thoughts came to me in the afternoon or evening, when I was tired. As soon as I managed to rest, the pessimism disappeared.
- Most of my pessimistic forecasts did not come true. If I said something like “nothing good will come of this” or “Daniel, you're going to fall off your chair,” it ended up being the opposite. Everyone remained alive and well.
- You can and should fight pessimistic thoughts. Pessimism has nothing to respond to worthy counterarguments, so it raises its hands and leaves :)
Successful fight against pessimism!
Your Masha
Guard: here you can order and purchase signs in Moscow.
Every person has different difficulties in life: big and small. But some go through all the hardships, do not give up and move on in life, while others, even with minor difficulties, lose self-confidence. According to many experts, the reaction to how a person treats his failures shows whether he is an optimist or a pessimist.
For example, a person is looking for a job, goes for an interview and is rejected. What thoughts does he have at this time? Perhaps he thinks that the problem is only about him, that no one needs such an employee, that the situation is hopeless and he will never get a job. It’s even worse if he sees everything in a gloomy light and says that he is good for nothing and is not needed by anyone. In both cases there is obvious pessimism. How to fight it?
There are two steps. The first and most important step in the fight against pessimism is the ability to recognize negative thoughts, and the second is to fight them. If negative thoughts appear, then look at this situation from a different point of view. Perhaps you were rejected because the employer simply needed someone with different qualifications.
If, under the influence of pessimistic thoughts, you tend to exaggerate what happened, then turn to specific facts. Remember other aspects of your life where you are more successful: in family life, in relationships with friends, in the ability to do something with your own hands, etc. After all, if they refused to hire you, this does not mean that you are not capable no matter what. Stop your tendency to dramatize events. Don't let negative thoughts and emotions rule your life. Remember, things are not what you think you are, and you are capable of more.
There are other ways to combat pessimism - this is positive thinking and determination. According to the researchers, a narrow understanding of the word “hope” implies confidence that a person can achieve a goal. Therefore, focusing on your personal hopes develops positive thinking and determination.
How can we believe that we will achieve our goal in the future? To do this, you need to learn how to set these goals for yourself and achieve them. Due to the daily routine and hustle and bustle, a person often loses sight of what he really wants from life and what is most important to him. It is necessary to set clear priorities.
When priorities are set, then it becomes easier to outline the main goals in different areas of your life. But first you need to set easily achievable goals. If you immediately set a big goal that is difficult to achieve and will take a lot of time, it will have a depressing effect and lead to “capitulation.” It is better to divide a large goal into smaller ones and achieve them one by one in a short time.
Once you have identified your main goals, achieving them requires desire and determination. To strengthen your resolve, reflect on the importance of your goals and the results of achieving them. Of course, obstacles will arise, but you need to treat them not as dead ends, but as peaks that you can conquer.
Also outline practical ways for yourself to achieve these goals. It is recommended to find several such methods at once - if one does not suit, try the second, third, etc.
In addition, learn to replace one goal with another. After all, if you fail to achieve a goal, this can lead to despondency, and by replacing it with a more realistic one, you will have hope again.
So, to combat pessimism, develop positive thinking and determination!
Do you want to know the answer to the question of how to become an optimist? To do this, you need to understand what is hidden under this concept. There are many ways that allow you not only to answer the question of how to learn to be an optimist, but also to turn a pessimist into a person with positive thinking. 
But before we begin to transform our own consciousness, let’s figure out whether this is necessary.
Who can be considered an optimist? There are many opinions on this matter, but they all boil down to the essence of an ancient oriental parable, which answers the question of what state a glass is in. Is it half empty or half full? It is the answer to it that reflects a person’s worldview, his attitude towards himself, whether he is an optimist or a pessimist. 
Any situation can be projected onto this question:
- The task is not yet completed or is nearing completion.
- The building is one-third unfinished or two-thirds of its construction has already been completed.
- Your beloved is late for a date or she is in a hurry to meet you despite the large number of difficulties that have arisen.
Any situation has two sides. You can look at it from both a bad point of view and a good one. Has your business brought in only a few hundred thousand in profit per month, instead of the expected million? Think about how many hundreds of millions of people during this time earned only a few tens of thousands of rubles, or even less. Unhappy with this income? This means that the development of new projects and solutions awaits ahead, which will increase income tenfold. 
In life you cannot do without ups and downs, but it is the optimist’s view of emerging problems that has a positive effect on it, allows you to maintain excellent health, and remain in good mental and physical condition. This approach is a key component in counteracting stress and depression.
Remaining optimistic does not mean ignoring difficult situations in life. This is not so - only the attitude towards them changes. Seeing the world in pessimistic colors changes to a positive perception. To any difficulty, when everything is bad, such people answer that a person is a child of obstacles and overcoming them only brings joy, makes him stronger and more successful.
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Realist or pessimist
There are those who consider themselves neither pessimists nor optimists. There are many such people, but it is psychologists who believe that they need to become optimists. 
Is it really bad to be a realist and do you really need to think about how to become an optimist? Considering oneself a realist means that a person understands that he is not an optimist. But he doesn’t want to consider himself a pessimist either.
Experts in the field of psychology are convinced that there is no intermediate position between an optimist and a pessimist.
For a psychologist, it is clear that all those who classify themselves in this category are actually hiding their pessimistic attitude towards current events. This is a hidden form of pessimism, but it is even worse for the person himself, since he does not recognize the problem and does not consider it necessary to look at the world differently. This is bad. Those who are accustomed to looking at current events from a pessimistic point of view will not easily change it.
Point of view of different types of characters
But if you apply a little patience, focus on the ongoing processes, paying attention to their positive aspects, then it is quite possible to join the ranks of optimists.
Psychological techniques
How to stop being a pessimist and improve your mood to become an optimist in life? First of all, we need to recognize that life consists not only of good events, but also of bad ones. Therefore, it will not be possible to remain happy all the time, even in difficult situations. Moreover, this cannot be done.
If the event is truly traumatic, then an attempt to treat it positively can turn negative, causing great harm to mental health.
You need to tune in to the fact that the emotions shown have a full spectrum - both positive and negative experiences. Attempts to suppress any of them lead to emotional disorders. 
But there is no need to focus on any one type of feeling. Keep a balance, and this will help you quickly adapt to situations and remain active in the event of any unexpected events. This state allows you to maintain an optimistic and cheerful attitude towards life and current events.
How to learn to be optimistic? If bad thoughts appear, take these tips into account:
- do not blame yourself for negative emotions;
- try to focus on being aware of what is happening;
- look at it from the outside;
- think about the lesson that the situation taught;
- think about the future in a positive light.
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The feeling of guilt of a pessimist is not constructive and absolutely unnecessary, since it closes off the future, prevents one from seeing possible growth, and focuses attention on past events. 
To become aware of what is happening, keep a diary in which you write down all the negative thoughts and feelings that occur at this time. Then study them, paying attention to exactly when they appear. Analyze what can be done in such situations, what alternative to find these negative emotions. How does this happen in practice? If someone cuts you off on the road and it causes a storm of negative emotions, feelings and thoughts, write it all down in a diary.
Focus on how you felt, what your reaction was in the first minutes. After that, look at the situation from the outside. Think about how your behavior and feelings at that moment corresponded to the values of the person you strive to become. They probably don't match. Then how could you have done anything differently? What exactly prompted the negative perception of the situation?
Scheme of how the pessimist’s psyche works
It is quite possible that the problem was not so much with the other driver, but with a stressful, difficult day, which resulted in such an outburst of emotions.
As you write your notes in your journal, reflect on the future. Remember that these notes are not necessary to revel in negative feelings and thoughts. This is a tool that allows the consciousness to see real mistakes, encouraging it to strive for a different response to current events. Having considered what could have been changed in what happened and how exactly to react, if this happens again, the reaction to the event will be different, softer, or there will be no negative emotions at all.
Returning to the incident on the road, you will come to the conclusion that everyone can make a mistake and you yourself are no exception, which means you need to be prepared for this and perceive what happened without an outburst of negative emotions.
Before you begin to talk about such a concept as an optimist, you first need to understand and understand this term. An optimist is a person who looks at life only from the positive side. In any business, action or personality, he looks only for good qualities and aspects. Such a person will always find a way out of any situation. Moreover, even if something doesn’t work out for him, he will definitely try to fix it.
Today there is another type of person, completely opposite to the optimist - the pessimist. This person has only a negative view of everything that happens around him. Such people do not believe in the best and try with all their might to refute it. Often these negative views affect many civilians.
Comparison of optimists and pessimists
It’s worth noting right away that this type of people’s attitude towards themselves is significantly different. Optimists are completely confident in their abilities, they try to improve themselves - that is why they always have the energy and initiative to perform noble deeds.
Pessimists, on the contrary, do not have confidence in themselves and their capabilities; they count in advance on a bad result. Because of this uncertainty, the pessimist fails to carry out assignments properly, and failure can often lead to depression.
Optimism is an excellent assistant in work, which can block many negative factors.
Another difference between these types of people is their attitude towards their failures and successes. A pessimist blames only himself for any defeat, but is not surprised by what happened, since he was ready for such an outcome.
An optimist has a monotonous attitude towards success - he begins to thank everyone who helped him in any business or situation.
Attitude to life is another criterion that distinguishes a pessimist from an optimist. A pessimist's life is quite monotonous, since he is absolutely sure that it is impossible to live happily. Such people cannot show their joy, emotions, good mood, and all because they are sure that after this they will not have anything good.
An optimist, on the contrary, is always in a great mood, he is quite sociable, cheerful, and shows initiative. That is why the circle of optimists is an interesting and exciting community.
Oddly enough, the health status of these types of people also differs. It's all about endorphin - the hormone of happiness. For optimists, it increases daily, so they feel kind and happy every day they live. In addition, with an increase in this hormone, the immune system is strengthened, which means that the body is more determined to resist many diseases. This is why pessimists constantly complain about their health, while optimists are cheerful and cheerful.
If everything in your life happens as you planned, it can’t make you happy. But if you constantly face problems and obstacles on your life's path, everyone can turn into a pessimist, because not everyone can withstand temporary difficulties.
Many have probably wondered: is it possible to become an optimist? The answer to this question is simple - you can. Since in this case everything depends on your mood and thinking: if you reorient your thoughts to positivity and joy, then you will certainly succeed.
It often happens that something bad happens again. Many people say the standard phrase: “Everything is bad again.” At the same time, most people don’t even realize that with these words we transfer failure to the list of patterns. In fact, it has long been necessary to rethink your attitude towards troubles and failures.
The science that helps a person turn negative thoughts and situations into positive ones is quite complex, but, nevertheless, it is necessary to learn it. Only in this case will you always be able to find a way out of any difficult situation.
The basic “rules” for changing from a pessimist to an optimist are:
Creating a Positive Mood
It’s a shame, but often we make ourselves depressed with our negative thoughts and words. Moreover, we ourselves, as it were, program ourselves for a bad result with many standard phrases: “I can’t do this,” “I’m unlucky again,” and so on. With this behavior we drive away luck and all the bright things that could happen to us.
You must set yourself up to the fact that you have plenty of time and opportunities to correct the situation. Moreover, you must understand that failure is not a reason to give up and hope for the worst. If you constantly stop yourself and perceive everything too pessimistically, sooner or later it will become a habit, and you will not be able to do anything about it.
And remember, if you want to become an optimist, do not use the phrases “never” and “I won’t succeed,” as they morally prepare a person for the fact that she will not be able to accomplish this or that thing.
Stop self-flagellation
The distinguishing feature of an optimist from a pessimist is who blames whom for all their failures. An optimist believes that all the failures that occur are just a temporary phenomenon that should not be paid attention to. A pessimist, on the contrary, begins to blame his loved ones, or himself, for what is happening. It is quite difficult for such people to cope with problems due to their low self-esteem - this is why pessimists often become fixated on what is happening.
If you look at life, you will notice that optimists always reserve the right to make mistakes, so everything always turns out well for them. To change your life and attitude towards everything around you, you need to constantly remember what a smart, well-read, purposeful, self-confident person you are and how you always do the right thing. Then it will be much easier for you to cope with emerging problems, and you will gradually turn into an optimist.
Look for friends who are optimists
Nowadays, many people try to adapt to the opinions and behavior of others, be it a friend, acquaintance or relative. If you think about it: how will a person be in a good mood if there are only “whiners” around you? Optimists are people who always rejoice in life and enjoy it, and they also force people close to them to do this.
Therefore, if you decide to become an optimist, look for a pleasant interlocutor who will not make you sad and melancholy, but will be able to cheer you up at any moment.
Listen to calm classical music
Often, depression that causes pessimism occurs due to a lack of coherence in the functioning of the hemispheres of the brain. Fortunately, today there are many methods, massages, techniques and trainings that can harmonize the work of the hemispheres. Experts say that classical music is an excellent sedative for the brain. In addition, it is capable of developing thinking, memory and many human skills.
Determine your purpose in life
Pessimists are people who justify their unsuccessful lives by lack of purpose. And this is not surprising, because without it you will not be able to understand what you want to achieve in life. And a person with a goal set for himself will achieve it no matter what. Try to find an interesting activity, hobby, hobby, etc. - then you will immediately notice that your life will be filled with joy and meaning.
Pessimism is bad for your health. How to get rid of pessimistic thoughts?
Negative emotions, negative thoughts, pessimism slowly but surely destroy human health. When your head is often dominated by gloomy forebodings, destructive thinking and apathy, your body is under mild stress. If a person always expects the worst, his body is tense, even if the person does not notice it. Why is this happening?
First of all, the negativity in our head increases the level in the blood. Cortisol is also called the stress hormone. In moments of danger, this hormone is responsible for the instinct of self-preservation; it activates the body's defenses. That is, a short-term increase in cortisol levels helps us cope with emotional shock and counteract stress. But pessimism is not stress, and in this case, the increased level of cortisol in the blood works “idle”. If a person is a pessimist in life, then cortisol simply wears out his body. It's like pressing the gas pedal in a car with the hand brake on.
Doctors say: pessimists usually have high blood pressure, high cholesterol levels in the blood, and they are more likely to have heart problems. The negativity in the head severely affects all internal organs. How does this happen?
Due to their frequent increased activity, the following suffer from pessimism:
1. Adrenal glands
Negativity caused by a pessimistic attitude leads to negative emotions - irritation, disappointment and despondency. Therefore, the adrenal glands produce adrenaline, cortisol and other hormones that stimulate the heart, and it is forced to work at increased speed. Thus, the pessimist unjustifiably makes his engine work harder.
2. Liver
Negative thoughts lead to the liver beginning to process stored glycine into glucose (energy for the whole body). In this way, the body prepares for active actions, that is, it activates hidden reserves. The body is ready to either fight or run away. Completely useless work if you actually don’t need to run anywhere, and there’s no one to hit.
3. Kidneys and intestines
The vessels through which blood flows to the internal organs contract, because of this, the genitourinary system and digestion do not work actively enough. This is completely justified in a stressful situation, but absolutely destructive when there is no danger. There is only the illusion of danger or the expectation of trouble in the head of a pessimist.
3. Amygdala of the brain
Or the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotions. It is the amygdala that perceives “bad premonitions” as a real alarming event and triggers the mechanism for turning on the body’s defenses, the only possible response of the nervous system to a stressful situation.
4. Spinal cord
An alarm signal from the amygdala of the brain enters the spinal cord and, spreading through the nervous system, puts all the internal organs of the body on high alert. This can be compared to the excitement of an athlete before a competition. Of course, in the case of constant negativity in the head, these processes occur in a mild form, often not noticeable to a pessimist. But the trouble is that in the body of a pessimist, unlike an athlete, these processes are chronic.
5. Respiratory system
As a result of pseudostress, the respiratory muscles become more elastic, the lungs expand, and breathing quickens. This is the body’s reaction to negativity - it needs additional oxygen. In this way, a “chronic” pessimist exhausts his respiratory system.
6. Heart
The heartbeat quickens and the blood pressure rises. Pro-inflammatory cytokines, information molecules that provoke atherosclerosis, enter the bloodstream. And all this, as a rule, from scratch.
How to get rid of pessimistic thoughts?
You cannot get rid of pessimism in one day. It's a way of thinking and sometimes a way of life. It happens that a person with a pessimistic attitude tries to veil his own mistakes and failures - I can’t do anything, because this world, culturally speaking, is imperfect. Even if a person is really in trouble, you shouldn’t give up if your health is dear to you. You need to get rid of negativity, that is, replace it with optimism. Think of optimism as another muscle in your body. And to maintain muscle tone, they need to be trained. If you train them regularly, they grow and become stronger.”
Therefore, it is necessary to regularly upgrade your worldview with the help of positive thoughts.
1. Think about the past
Remember your childhood, past achievements, or simply events that increased your self-esteem. This way, you will not forget that your abilities and efforts can and should lead to consequences that are pleasant for you.
If the reason for your pessimism is material difficulties, remember that perhaps you were once content with much less than you are now and were happy. An elementary example is a mobile phone. The first cell phones, weighing under 2 kilos, could only be afforded by moneybags, but today you use digital gadgets that they never even dreamed of.
2. Savor the present
Before you go to bed, think about the positive things that happened to you during the day. This is a great way to get the optimistic genie out of the bottle, even if you are generally filled with negative emotions. In the end, you can remember the episodes of the movie you liked.
3.Imagine the future
Imagine what your life should ideally look like in five years. The more details you come up with, the better. Then focus on what is achievable. Can't handle a new foreign car? No problem, get a used one!
You don't have to look too far ahead. Before going to bed, think about an upcoming holiday or party where you will have a wonderful time. Fishing, hunting, meeting with friends or a visit to a beauty salon - whatever brings satisfaction, the more you savor the upcoming positive events, the better.
4. Avoid Negativity
Avoid watching news, depressing movies, and political talk shows on TV. Try to avoid pessimists like you. Do exactly the opposite. Watch comedies, humorous shows and communicate with positive and cheerful people. Try to look for the positive in everything, disarm your pessimism with the help of humor (even if it is sarcasm):
Is there an economic crisis in the country? - Great, finally I’ll get rid of those extra pounds!
Is the boss a tyrant? “If only he could see himself from the outside, he’s just a ridiculous, hysterical clown.”
And so on.
5. Commit to change
A periodic change of environment and social circle will also help combat pessimistic thoughts. Meeting new people and unusual surroundings at least arouses curiosity, which displaces negativity and apathy. To do this, it is not necessary to dramatically change your lifestyle. Just periodically force yourself to discover something new.
I wish you health and OPTIMISM!
