No, no, Vikusik is still in our ranks.
I just decided to go to the Maldives this time, for two weeks.
Well, the boss was just advised to have a cool secretary until Vikulka returns.
They say the woman has what it takes, with vast experience and knowledge of her business.
I’ve only seen it in photographs so far; Vasek sent it to me.
Oh damn, it would be better if I didn’t watch it at all.
You won't believe it, not a brunette, not a brown-haired woman - bald!
Schlitzi is the most famous fool of the twentieth century.
He became famous on the RuNet after someone, not much smarter than our hero, posted an animated gif everywhere he could with the comment: “they hired a new girl at the reception” (another option is “the boss’s new secretary”). Citizens took this amazing, cheerful freak into avatars and userpics, and only very few people thought to ask what kind of little man he was laughing and waving his head. And yet this man is great, albeit small.
First, a little science. Microcephalics - people with a small skull and, accordingly, a very small brain - are born in approximately 8 out of 5000 newborns. As a rule, in mothers who during pregnancy indulged themselves in strong alcoholic drinks or, say, cocaine. Microcephalics are doomed to live as incorrigible fools, but at the same time they are good-natured, affectionate and friendly, like lap dogs. You can safely take them out into public without fear that a little man with a micro-head will offend or scare anyone.
The circus performer and film actor, known as Schlitzy Surtis or simply Schlitz, was born Simon Metz in September 1901 in the Bronx (New York City). According to other, purely mythical data, the star of traveling circuses rose on the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico, and therefore on many posters the name Schlitzi was awarded the title “The Last of the Aztecs.” In those days, microcephalics were “promoted” to onlookers as remnants of an ancient, sub-human race and were therefore viewed as aliens. Simon's parents remained unknown to history. Most likely, they were poor and drunkards, and sold the underdeveloped child to circus recruiters. Throughout his rather long life, Schlitzi made the public, eager for curiosities, fall in love with him.
The intellectual development of an adult Schlitzi corresponded to the level of a 4-year-old child. Due to poor self-control and probably urinary incontinence, Schlitzie was always dressed in women's clothing. In addition, it was beneficial for entrepreneurs to present such a funny creature as a girl with a bow (“at the reception”), although not always clean-shaven.
Schlitzy's most devoted fans were... his colleagues in the freak show: midgets, bearded ladies, people with extra limbs. The life of traveling circus performers was not as bright and cheerful as their performances. And Schlitzi, with his childish innocence, infectious smile and endless love for everything that exists, was inevitably a kind of “ray of light in the dark kingdom” for the clowns.
He was no less loved for his antics and antics by millions of regulars at carnivals and film premieres. What made Schlitzi famous were his roles in the cult film by Tod Browning “Freaks” (1932), where Schlitzi played himself, and in the naive horror film “Island of Lost Souls” (1933) by H. Wells (episodic role, uncredited) . He managed to perform in the arenas of almost all famous American circuses of the first half of the 20th century.
In 1936, monkey trainer George Surtees became Schlitzie's legal guardian. Until his death in 1960, Mr. Surtees carefully looked after the little man, and then the elderly Schlitzi had to be sent to an insane asylum in Los Angeles.
At the “fool”, Schlitzi fell into depression - like the grass of sunlight, he vitally missed cheerful carnivals, friends-circus performers and the adoration of the crowd. But soon he got lucky. In the off-season, sword swallower Bill Anks worked at the hospital, and it was he who recognized a circus celebrity in one of the patients. The meeting with the doctors was short, and everyone agreed that it was better for Schlitzy to return to the stage, to the troupe of Anx’s employer, showman Sam Cortez.
Schlitzi never left. He was often seen in Los Angeles city parks, where he walked with his handler and fed buns to pigeons and ducks. As soon as a small crowd gathered around the strange fool with a bow on his forelock, a cheerful performance immediately began. And so on until the death of 70-year-old Schlitzi from bronchial pneumonia in September 1971. His grave remained anonymous until 2008, when they managed to raise $400 for a decent headstone.
After his death, Schlitzi “automatically” became a legend. Many souvenirs were issued in his honor, and even more paintings were painted. His memory will forever remain in our hearts.
Ah, these eternal legends and myths about affairs with secretaries! How they warm the soul, what nonsense they sometimes push seemingly respectable people into... And what sweet moments they sometimes lead to... that is, trouble! If poor Billy Clinton had not been flattered by the charms of the plump Monica, he would have maintained peace in the family, his nerves, and would not have gained the corresponding fame. In short, what kind of beast is this secretary? Should you start an affair with her or not? What, in the end, is all this fraught with? What joys or uh... vice versa? Let's ask the woman. She should know better.
In one large corporation, four young women became pregnant in turn. Moreover, from their husbands and fiances. You won't believe it, but the head of the company did not sleep with them. I know this for sure, because I worked there and was aware of their romances. In addition, the boss was an elderly man of high Soviet morality. Plus, he took his wife to work, and it was almost impossible to hide from her eye. When the fertility of our ladies was discussed at a corporate party, the boss said: “What a blessing that these are not Soviet times - I would have been fired already.” - They are all married women. What does this have to do with you?! - Oh, it doesn’t matter. Four secretaries in a row - no one would even ask whether they were married or not. - But there are only two secretaries. The rest are the press secretary and the assistant. - What's the difference - secretary, press secretary? Back then it was strict about this; the moral character of the leadership was monitored. If a secretary gets pregnant, the boss is to blame, period. As you can see, the myth that all secretaries share not only a telephone number but also a bed with their boss is so firmly rooted in their heads that even such rare birds as exemplary family men believe in it . But there are statisticians who claim that approximately 20 percent of personal secretaries actually do not have sex with their boss. For our research they are not yet of interest. As a rule, this is: - a man of traditional orientation; - an elderly woman who is kept at work for her professional qualities; - the daughter of an old friend of the boss, who is under his paternal tutelage (two secretaries of our highly moral boss were just such daughters); - an employee working temporarily who does not plan to hold on to this position; - a secretary who has returned to work for the first day. In other cases, bosses have mistresses on the side or the boss has just gotten married again and has simply not gotten around to getting a secretary yet.
There are also originals and the above-described family men who love their wives and/or believe that marriage is the most solid thing in the world, that a time-tested wife is a devoted comrade and an old friend of common interests who is better than the new two. They are convinced that cheating on your spouse, even with your secretary, is either immoral or dangerous for the marriage. This point of view is respected by many and has a right to exist, although sex with a secretary has advantages that we simply do not have the right to brush aside in order to establish the truth. We'll discuss them later. Some of these exceptional men advise their colleagues to have a male secretary or an older secretary. But there are disadvantages here - an elderly woman is often burdened with the problems of her children and grandchildren, she copes worse with the modern rhythm of life and the flow of information, and a man can seduce the best sheep in your flock or the main old comrade - your wife. What to do if you want to save your marriage, but cannot do without a secretary? We have to make sacrifices and hire a young woman for this position. Moralists here too will stand guard over your interests and advise you to choose an ugly woman who will not be distracted from work by all sorts of office romances. This is an important question - should a secretary be attractive? Undoubtedly. Otherwise, you risk suffering from stress, seeing an unattractive face every day that you don’t like. In addition, showing up with her in decent places is not comme il faut. Well, okay,” our highly moral friend will say, “since you have a young, pretty secretary, you must show your best qualities as a passion-bearer and not have any affairs with her. Should you follow this advice? Some doubt it. Most passion-bearers, between us, simply do not have free time and do not want problems on their head and other parts of the body. The men became scared, oh, scared after the sex scandal that the well-known Monica L caused Bill Clinton.
In fact, such stories are easy to avoid if you know where the underwater reefs are. The main one is the newborn, which the secretary can bring to you in the hem of a miniskirt. Let's be honest: many of them only dream of, if not tying you to them forever, then at least regularly milking them for milk for the baby - you won't refuse to support your own child. At best, you will get away with hassle and money for an abortion and a resort to restore her health. At worst, a hunter for money and/or notoriety can ruin your marriage, blackmail you until your great-grandchildren appear, spin you for a round sum or regular cash injections, create a scandal worse than Clinton’s, and so on. But the disadvantages can be skillfully avoided in order to plunge into the sea of advantages. It has been proven that sex on the side adds positive emotions, relieves stress and irritability, improves mood and blood circulation, and office romance saves you time outside of work, which you won’t have to spend courting strangers.
Moreover, sex with a secretary, like any betrayal, strengthens the family. Full of strength and health, the insidious cheater comes home in the evening and, undoubtedly, pleases his wife and children with his peacefulness and good mood. A person who deceives his other half feels slightly guilty and therefore does not forget to pamper his disadvantaged spouse with another mink coat or Birkin bag, which also helps to strengthen the family hearth. In addition, he, as a rule, takes better care of his appearance, is more confident in himself, which means that all his shares rise. And for so many joys, all you need to do is learn to avoid the pitfalls of adultery with your secretary. So, if you are ready to take the path of deceit and betrayal without incurring obvious retribution for it, be observant and do not let your emotions confuse you. An affair with a secretary is a simple business transaction, and you are very good at carrying them out, aren’t you? Follow the plan. The main thing is to understand who she is, a woman who monitors your schedule, settles many matters, brings you a glass of tea with a sweet smile and is ready to provide other services to your dear boss without leaving her workplace. Once you understand this, it will not be difficult to behave correctly. What types of secretaries are there and what do they want from you? What lies beneath their smiles and masks? Don't be fooled into thinking that this cute creature jumped into your bed or onto your desk because she's crazy about beer bellies or luxurious gray hair.
Free sex only happens on the way to the mousetrap. If she is ready to sleep with you, most likely she wants something. Let's look at the main types of secretaries and learn how to manage them. As an intelligent person, you understand that types in their pure form are rare, and what is written below is just a dotted line outlining attractive female silhouettes. You will probably be able to fill in the gaps in the dotted lines very well yourself.
Ideal
This is an expensive vintage wine that only becomes more appreciated over the years. The work of a secretary is her calling. She likes to be in the thick of things and interact with people. Everything she does will be done well. She is accurate, conscientious and neat, and has high moral principles. She won’t cause a scandal, won’t write anonymous notes to your wife, won’t demand anything, and is ready to work on weekends and on New Year’s. The ideal dresses in formal suits, reads the annual report before going to bed, sleeps with you because he considers this a mandatory addition to his position. Maybe she feels sorry for you, so businesslike and busy, or deep down she is in love with you, but she will never admit it. Do you believe such angels exist? Like diamonds the size of pigeon eggs, these are extremely rare. Take care of her, try to show her respect and not have sex right on the table in the waiting room. It is preferable to at least have a sofa in your personal relaxation room. If you are not married or are psychologically ready to change your wife, know that the Ideal will make a good spouse. But keep in mind: once she moves into your home, it will be difficult to find another such treasure to replace the secretary.
Careerist
She didn’t come to your company to hang around all her life 
at the telephone in the boss's reception area. She has education, often a specialized higher education. Her goal is to learn from the inside how the company works, gain experience, and then, with your help, take a higher position here. As a rule, the Careerist dresses elegantly and discreetly, knows how to behave and present herself. She may have a husband to whom she is attached. You don’t even have to give her gifts, the main thing is to make it clear that you will ensure her advancement up the career ladder and will not rust after you. There is no need to be afraid of the Careerist. Usually, the Careerist tries to keep her relationship with her boss secret, so that later, when she becomes the head of the department, her subordinates do not grimace contemptuously and giggle behind her back. Her career and the respect of her colleagues are important to her. Just in case, keep in mind that she could make a reliable marriage partner.
Student
The creature is younger and more frivolous than the careerist. She dresses like a youth and sometimes behaves like a naive fool. She doesn't yet have a very good idea of what she wants to achieve in this job. Perhaps she got a job here simply because she was still getting an education, and decided to see what kind of activity she would like. Maybe she sleeps with you simply out of curiosity, gaining experience and new sensations. Although, of course, she is not such a fool and understands perfectly well that wallets like yours do not lie on the road, and the boss’s bed is a good launching pad for a successful career. Most likely, the Student is waiting for the prince on a white horse, and while he is away, she looks around in search of candidates for her hand and heart. Don't let her fall in love with you for real. Who knows what kind of wind is whistling through her pretty head?
Secret girl
She is young and, as a rule, unmarried. 
Aggressive sexuality, bold makeup and seductive outfits are her calling card. Her goal is to get everything she can from the job and from you personally, as long as she manages to keep you hooked. Be prepared to be hyped for a car, pants and other trinkets dear to the girls’ hearts. But this is how it goes. If in your reception room she can meet a richer lover or another husband, great. Should I go with you to a banquet and make an interesting acquaintance there that will help her rise higher? Better. Will your friend get her to star in a TV series or make her a model? Wonderful, she will like this more than working hard, torn between the phone and the computer. Will they be able to con you and get married? An ideal option, but not a fix idea. Give her whatever you think is appropriate, but don’t let her get on your neck. Remember: you are not the only one she has, so don’t skimp on her health insurance. Your health is more valuable. Change your secretary when her requests reach the level you set. A real gentleman will help a lady find a new job or a plump daddy.
Huntress
The most dangerous type. She considers herself very smart, and all men are complete fools who are created to decorate her life. Hidden in her desk is the book “How to Marry an Oligarch, or, in Extreme Cases, a Boss.” In this book you are classified as game and the Huntress is called a gold digger. She needs you in order to put a wedding ring on her finger and after that provide a comfortable life for as many years as she needs to make her own capital, or as long as she knows how to keep a man, reducing his fortune. Every month, hundreds of such girls are brought in reserved seat carriages to conquer the capitals. The most intelligent of them, by hook or by crook, sneak into bohemian parties, crawl like a snake into high society, and with the help of frantic efficiency they get to the reception offices of big bosses. To achieve her goal, the Huntress skillfully disguises herself, she can pretend to be an Ideal or a Careerist. But you are not cut out for it either, otherwise you would not have achieved your position. Therefore, it will not be difficult for you to figure out the Hunter’s tricks. In appearance, she is a pure disinterested person; you will not even notice how and under what pretext she reduces the amount in your account. Track your spending and notice when you've given her an expensive gift that you weren't originally planning on - perhaps you were cleverly nudged into buying her that item. The huntress advertises her “topographical cretinism”, but will never get lost in a shopping center. She pretends to be weak in math, but she makes no mistakes when calculating the cost of her purchases at the boutique. Be careful: the Huntress is quite capable of smearing lipstick on your back, slipping a suspicious note into your pocket, and women's panties into the glove compartment of your car in order to initiate a scandal in your noble family. It’s easy to get rid of the Huntress with the help of traditional provocations like: “Honey, I’m ruined, but no one knows about it yet.” She will be sincerely upset, and will soon find a reason to change her boss to a more promising one. In response to such a confession, the career woman will ask the interim manager to put in a good word for her; someone must help him bankrupt your company. The secret lady, out of the kindness of her heart, will feed you pies bought with the money of another lover until she finds herself a richer boss. The student, in any case, will remain at her workplace until the session. And Ideal will sell matches in his free time in order to offer you financial assistance at first.
Yvonne Lomanskaya
whitestrip.ru
It happens like this, you live in peace, you don’t bother anyone. You graduate from university to become a lawyer and are constantly investigating something together with your journalist friend. And the ordinary life of an ordinary person is not enough for you, so vampires, elves, werewolves and demons fall on you. And what do you think, should they all be killed? No! Everything is much worse. We need to work with them. Have you tried working as a secretary for a demon? And even at the highest level? No? And don’t try, nothing good - all adventures and bumps on an already sore head.
Battery-powered secretary Galina Kulikova
Yes, yes, you heard right! I'm a real battery-powered secretary. I work day and night. And all because my new boss Dima Kumantsev mysteriously disappeared, leaving me alone. And I need to find out at all costs who killed the son of the rich old woman Anisya Petrovna Devel. And everyone is suspected! I don’t have the right to remove even the old woman’s grandson Yuri from the “black list,” although I damn well like him. Or maybe I fell in love? But feelings are not a hindrance to work. If I weren’t Marina Gushchina, if I didn’t find that fly in the ointment in this crazy family...
Fire the secretary!
Galina Kulikova
Oleg Shumakov always took the choice of a life partner very seriously. He dreamed of meeting on his way a kind and charming girl who would also have a strong character. Dasha Azarova, the new marketer of his company, seemed like the embodiment of his dream. Dasha also saw the boss as an enviable groom, and things were already heading towards the wedding, when suddenly Seraphim’s secretary appeared on the horizon. Gusty as the wind and cheerful as a sunbeam, she was the complete opposite of the serious and thorough Dasha. Her vigorous and often unpredictable activity...
Count Dracula's dentures Natalya Alexandrova
What a nightmare! The inimitable Lola, a talented actress and every man's dream, is forced to go to work. And who - a simple secretary! A lustful boss, a grumpy boss, a small salary - this is just the surface of an insidious iceberg. This time, clever swindlers Lola and Marquis got involved in not only a puzzling, but also a deadly business. They have to fool a treacherous crime boss, save the oligarch’s beautiful wife, find “that thing I don’t know what” and at the same time manage not to get shot.
Just yesterday Gloria was the happiest woman in the world. She married the man she loved, and they will soon have a long-awaited baby. And suddenly everything changed, like in a terrible nightmare: in the seventh month of pregnancy, she lost her child. Gloria is desperate, but that's not all. She accidentally finds out that her husband is cheating on her with his secretary. Not wanting to put up with the misfortunes that have befallen her, Gloria leaves her husband and home and secretly leaves for Italy to start a new life.
Amy Tan's Joy Luck Club
American Amy Tan was born in 1952 in a family of Chinese immigrants, received a philological education, and worked as a secretary in an office. She wrote her first novel, which was among the top ten bestsellers for a long time, in 1989. “The Joy Luck Club” is the story of several families of Chinese emigrants, where the mothers still belong to China, and the daughters born in America, on the one hand, have little understanding of some things mothers, on the other hand, clearly realize and experience their Chineseness. The framing plot is the heroine’s finding her sisters, whom her mother once lost in China.…
In bed with a musketeer Irina Khrustaleva
The employees of the travel company “Around the World” did their best on the birthday of their boss Dmitry Knyazev - they invited a stripper from a nightclub. The surprise was a great success: the girl performed her number and retired with the birthday boy in his office. Where a little later she was found... with her throat cut! Of course, the police quickly decided on the suspect. But Knyazev’s secretary Katya did not imagine her passionately adored boss in the role of a criminal and turned to the “Cranks” detective agency. Meanwhile, the parents of the deceased girl...
Nail in the Heel Barbara McCafferty
The quiet town of Pigeon Fork, where the last crime was committed in ancient times, is shocked by a bloody crime: a harmless old woman and her pets, a parrot and a cat, were killed. The police are at a loss, and Haskell Blevins, the only private detective in the entire town, gets down to business. Solving this sinister crime promises him fame and long lines of clients. But everything is not so simple. Not only does the simple-minded, freckled Haskell himself not really look like a detective, but also everyone who is not too lazy puts sticks in...
Love until white heat Arina Larina
The new boss was good, the new boss was handsome. The new boss paid attention to her, Tanya, a long-divorced woman with a child. The carpet leading to the registry office itself rolled out in front of the lovers. And suddenly - bummer! A young secretary with the appearance of Barbie had her own designs on the handsome chef, and therefore... it was she who went to the registry office with him. What should Tanya do: curse the incomprehensible male logic, fall into prostration, or quickly look for a replacement groom? However, she found an absolutely stunning solution...
Economy class groom Arina Larina
The sacred word “get married” made Katya tremble. She had no luck with men - none of them were in a hurry to propose marriage to her. But suddenly, out of nowhere, one hero was found! An offer was also received - to move to a communal apartment and... find a good job to support him, his beloved. Katya rushed to fulfill the requirements and got a job as a secretary in a decent company. And a miracle happened: signs of attention from the handsome boss rained down on her. Fell in love! What to do - reciprocate or remain faithful to the economy class groom?..
Foursome Games Jane Moore
The husband left for a pretty secretary, and Jo Miles was left alone with children and a lot of problems. When the first shock passed, she discovered that life was far from over, and she herself had not forgotten how to please. Three very attractive men appear in her life, and after some time her husband decided to return to the family. So what will Joe choose now: sex, friendship, money or great love? Think you've guessed the answer? Well, let's see!
Brilliant bastard Sergei Mogilevtsev
A beginner and practically unknown journalist, Alexander Nemchinsky, works for the newspaper “Vernoe Direction” and writes cheap articles about pests of indoor cacti and the benefits of dousing them with cold water in the morning. Quite unexpectedly, he overhears an argument between two homeless people, in which the mysterious words are mentioned: “Brilliant Bastard.” Without understanding why he is doing this, Nemchinsky immediately writes an article: “The Brilliant Little One is Coming,” and deceitfully, with the help of his beloved Marina, who works as the boss’s secretary, publishes it in...
Australian nutritionist Lyndi Cohen was shocked by the results of a social experiment in which she asked network users to make her more beautiful in Photoshop. She spoke about this on her page in Instagram.
I did a social experiment 😒 I asked a bunch of strangers to photoshop images of me. And without me asking, they all made me slimmer. Seeing the before and after photos side by side, you can see how much has been changed. Ah, perspective 🙌. Problem is - in real life - you only ever see the ‘after’ photos. And it’s easy to forget that almost EVERY photo you see in the media is photoshopped. This conditions you to believe you’re never good, pretty or thin enough - so you literally waste your life lying in bed feeling guilty for eating more than you wanted and hating yourself on holidays because you can’t stand how you look in photos. We have to stop chasing a goal that DOESN’T EVEN EXIST. Question: What if you saw more normal, healthy bodies like mine in magazines or on TV or on social media? Would you find it easier to accept your body as it is? I definitely would. Here’s to making the world a better place so that the next generation can spend less time obsessing about food and yo-yo dieting and spend more time being truly healthy and happy within themselves. 💕
According to the nutritionist, in the altered photographs she began to look slimmer, but for this, netizens changed the type of her bone structure and removed fat from her abdomen. Strangers also removed a mole from her shoulder.
I'm not plus size. And I’m not model size. I am right in the middle size. ❤️ And I’m wonderfully healthy. I eat well, I exercise often. Yet - we never see bodies like mine, unphotoshopped, in the media. So we go through life thinking that healthy means we need to look a certain way... yet no matter how much you exercise or how little or well you eat - you never end up looking like your expected, you never look like the photoshopped images you see in health magazines or the curated, filtered and posed images on your real highlights. 😒 Happiness is expectations minus reality. So instead of constantly trying to chase a goal that doesn’t exist, I say we change our expectations so that we can finally learn to be happy with what a normal and healthy body can look like. 💕 P.s. see my last post as well 💕
“I’m a healthy size 10, but we never see people with bodies like mine in the media unless we’re talking about body positivists,” said a shocked Cohen.
The nutritionist is sure that in the retouched photographs she looks 10-20 kilograms thinner. However, losing such mass would have a negative impact on a woman's health. Cohen advised other girls not to try to live up to the perfect pictures from magazines and social networks, but to accept their body as it is.
The everyday life of an office worker often involves an 8- or even 10-hour workday sitting in front of a computer monitor. Dull, monotonous? Did you know that physical activity allows the brain to produce the hormone of joy? Well, have you probably heard that movements perfectly keep your figure in shape and return a healthy color to your face? So, so that your stiff limbs do not atrophy at all, the perky athlete Tatyana Istomina will show in her video how a warm-up takes place in the office.
The advantage is that you can do it right where you work! If you are a boss, then simply close your office for a few minutes. And if you are a secretary, then the presenter will explain to you how you can disguise the warm-up exercises as performing your immediate work duties.
From the video it will become clear how to find suitable exercise equipment in the office that you didn’t even know about. All movements of the complex are extremely simple and will become a habit in a few days. And then your colleagues will look at each other in bewilderment, asking how you, under the same conditions as them, manage to be in such excellent physical shape, and even positive.
Warm up for the boss
Also take a look here:
Female abs: how to properly pump up a woman’s abs...
