18.01.2011, 01:41
FAKE
18.01.2011, 03:00
hmm..
we have the same thing)) we are also 2.7..
I haven't found the reason yet..
I think maybe some kind of resentment is hidden..
although in general they are crazy about each other..
18.01.2011, 03:16
Or maybe grandma did something to offend the baby? Punish with your hands? You never know what could happen, before scolding for SUCH an attitude, try to find out. Yes, my grandmother will say, I couldn’t do anything bad, BUT my grandmother (not my mother) doesn’t see the bad thing, but don’t try to do anything wrong, but I do.
I don’t want to say anything bad about my grandmother, but the reason lies somewhere. The main thing is to hear the child
IMHO
18.01.2011, 08:11
You know, 2 grandmothers come to us to look after their grandson while I work. So he is waiting for one with pleasure, but in relation to the other for some time in a row he expressed negativity: Baba is bad, let her go to the dacha.....
I observed the behavior of both grandmothers. It’s just that the one he doesn’t want to see is a little stricter with him, doesn’t yell at him, but SOMETIMES raises her voice a little.
It seems to me that if a child tolerates increased aggression, a strict tone, etc. from parents, then from “strangers” - no. This is tantamount to resentment.
A child will not simply ignore someone; there must always be a reason for this. If he likes a person, then he himself is drawn to him, if not, he speaks out about it. Therefore, it is not advisable to ignore the child’s feelings :)
18.01.2011, 13:23
18.01.2011, 13:31
he appointed her as the youngest, it’s familiar, it will go away with time, reassure your grandmother, sometimes he just communicates with her as an equal.
18.01.2011, 13:37
IMHO, children are big cunning people. they understand who is weaker and who is boss in the house. Grandma is weaker, so she can be resisted and even offended. You can’t spoil yourself with your parents, at least that’s how it is with us.
18.01.2011, 13:38
I would put a camera, but I'm harmful. After the camera, we have the best grandmother - the nanny. Now I have no questions about what it costs. The grandmothers' nerves turned out to be not very good, but the nanny.........just super.....although Lala is an angel.
18.01.2011, 13:38
XUSINDA
18.01.2011, 13:51
Mine behaves the same way. I don’t leave my grandmother with them, they seem to play and she goes to her room herself and sometimes kicks her out and fights: (but ours is not a grandmother, but a great-grandmother and she is sooo offended and cries: 005:
As for the possibility that the child is copying my behavior, this is out of the question. Not only do I not speak harshly, I cannot even allow myself to speak disrespectfully to my grandmother.
I try to explain that the woman is good and you can’t do this to her.
but my daughter especially shows off when my husband and I are together and my grandmother comes to our kitchen or room
XUSINDA
18.01.2011, 13:52
I would put a camera, but I'm harmful. After the camera, we have the best grandmother - the nanny. Now I have no questions about what it costs. The grandmothers' nerves turned out to be not very good, but the nanny.........just super.....although Lala is an angel.
Hmm. cool you have:005:.
But we live together and I don’t work, so my daughter is almost always with me and I can always hear her and her grandmother playing in the room.
18.01.2011, 17:15
Motherone, maybe he saw you talking to your grandmother in an inappropriate tone? or one of his friends with theirs? Usually this behavior is an imitation of what he saw. was there nothing like that?
In our house we have a strict rule not to raise our voice, so a situation where we quarrel with grandma in front of the children is simply impossible
And although the aunt who does not live with us could answer sharply to the grandmother
18.01.2011, 18:01
and he says to me that he wants to live with his grandmother... and what did I do wrong to him???
19.01.2011, 19:21
My grandmother loves it when the two of them are alone. As soon as everything is ready, he stomps on her.
19.01.2011, 19:43
Son is 2 years 7 months old Grandmother lives with us Grandson loves him very much
Lately, if I make a remark, my son understands and listens to my requests, but as soon as my grandmother says something in defiance of him, he begins to kick her out of the room
Today I started “crying loudly” showing him that I felt bad about his attitude towards my grandmother and he came forward and apologized to my grandmother
What to do in such situations? Maybe someone came across this?
TIN:001:
YOU are abusing a child
19.01.2011, 19:49
we have the same problem....I think that we need to look for the problem
firstly: in the relationship between your grandmother and you (maybe you quarrel or make a scandal, etc.)
secondly: between the child and the grandmother (maybe the grandmother does not show her love enough, forbids what you allow... etc.)
in general, everything is not easy
19.01.2011, 23:15
Look for the reason. Is grandma always patient?
We had a situation with my nephew at one time, I saw how my grandmother was trying, to put it mildly, to feed him, almost banging her teeth with a spoon, pushing food in:001:. He always ate poorly, well, her nerves began to fail: (It was decided not to burden my grandmother with what was bad and their relationship improved:)
Be sure to think with your grandmother about what could have been.
19.01.2011, 23:26
My child can kick out his grandmother, kick out his dad, he can beat them, pinch them. In short, the behavior is tough. My conclusion is clear - they allow her to treat them like this. This is my mother in general separate song, because I have already observed a similar relationship for 24 years with her and my sister (although there is no beating or attempts to drive her out :)), but the essence remains the same).
It also seems to me that if relatives allow themselves to behave this way, then they will do so. We have such a reaction to grandpa - she kicks him out, says that she doesn’t love him and stuff like that. At the same time, he allows her everything - he kicks him out - leaves... At the same time, I say once - Nastya, if you kick out your grandfather, you will not go to visit (we were just planning to visit them). To which the grandfather replies - you will go , of course you will go, and she tells me that they play like that.... It is necessary that your grandmother (not you) react categorically negatively to these actions (of course, do not hit or scream) - the child will know that this will not work with her now.
Posts about a child driving away his dad appear in the community quite often. AND most comments are devoted to a) the relationship between dad and child and dad and mom, b) maintaining attachment. I also wrote several times about withholding attachment - about the fact that it is difficult for a small child to be equally attached to two significant adults at the same time. But from observations of my child, I identified two more reasons why the baby says, or even screams with tears, “Daddy, go!”
So, for what reasons? small child can drive dad away.
Problems in relationships. If dad is often physically present, but does not notice the child, if he can (like our dad, unfortunately) while playing with the child, simply get distracted by the TV, phone, or fall asleep, or leaves without warning and the words “I’ll be right back,” this can break the attachment to the father. If dad is disrespectful towards mom and is aggressive, this greatly frustrates the child and does not contribute to the establishment of a good, secure attachment.
Inability small child being attached to more than one significant adult at the same time. For example, when my daughter plays well with her dad, she doesn’t notice or hear me. Doesn't drive away. But I can't get hold of her. And if she needs to be put on the potty or if it’s time to eat, I tell my father about this, and at the right moment he takes her out of the game and sits her on the potty or takes her to wash her hands and to the table.
Dad is most often a game, entertainment, fun. Mom is the satisfaction of needs, comfort. The connection with dad is rather social. The connection with my mom is rather animalistic, or, as my husband says, bestial. And when a child is tired, cold, scared, hungry, he needs a mother. You don't need dad, dad even gets in the way. If you want to eat and sleep, there is no time for games. When the three of us walk and return home, my daughter only wants to ride in my arms, and may even cry when her father tries to take her. This is clear to me, she has already played enough, she is waiting to be fed and put to bed with the breast. Or when I put her to bed in the evening, she chases dad away simply because she is no longer in the mood to play.
A child may chase away dad because he doesn’t want mom to leave.
I noticed that my child and I rarely play together. The child plays either with me or with his father. When they play with their father, I do something around the house - cook food, sort out the laundry. Or I just drink tea. And when I play with the child, dad is either at work, or asleep, or simply disappears. Therefore, when dad comes up to us, when we are busy with something, the girl begins to be afraid that I will leave now, and says “Dad, go.”
I would like to note that by “play” I mean any joint action with the child - reading, playing, cooking (we make dough for muffins and pancakes together, for example, and often peel vegetables for soup together), cleaning, tightening screws with dad and etc.
The last reason in our case turned out to be the key one.
So important that I even became sad, thinking about what our child would remember from childhood.
Here's a recent story. Last Saturday we all went for a walk together. We live in Israel, in a seaside town near Tel Aviv. There is a good embankment here, with a children's playground, with stones instead of a curb, which are great to walk on, sculptures, which personally puzzle me, but the girl likes... We went to the embankment, walked around and jumped on the stones, the girl was cheerful and active. They asked my daughter where she wanted to go now - to the playground or further along the embankment towards Jaffa, she wanted to walk to Jaffa. We reached Jaffa, along the way we saw how bird of prey catches mice on the shore - hangs in the sky against the wind, lowering his head down, and, seeing a mouse, falls down like a stone. Along the way, we had a snack on a bench overlooking the sea, the three of us played football on the lawn, and bought buns at an Arab bakery. Then we decided to go to the Jaffa embankment. Walking through the city, we stopped at every playground. In the city of oppressed Arabs, Jaffa turned out to be huge amount children's playgrounds of various configurations. The girl was happy, ran around a lot and laughed. On the beach in Jaffa we collected spiral shells; on our beach in Bat Yam there are almost no such shells. When the sun began to set and the sea blew cold wind, warmed up and slowly moved towards the house through the city through other streets, again visiting all the playgrounds. Since we walked back a different way and didn’t say that we were going home, but just walked in in the right direction, my daughter periodically rode on her dad’s back without any problems. We had a fun dinner together at home. Before going to bed, already in bed, we talk with our daughter about our walk - we remember where we were, what we saw, what we did. At the end I say: “It was a good walk! Did you like it?” And my daughter says no. It turns out that she was very bothered by the fact that when she played with her dad on the playgrounds - she rode down the slides, swung on the swings, climbed on the climbing frames, I didn’t ride with them, didn’t touch or climb, but sat or stood on the side... She would have preferred so that we could walk with her alone, without dad. Here's a family outing for you.
Today, during a walk, when I didn’t want to go down the slide, but dad was riding with her, I sat down on the slide, met them and saw them off: “oh, who’s coming up! Hello, my dears! Have you come for a ride? Then goodbye, go, come again!"
That is, she actively participated in the game. The girl was happy.
These are my observations of situations when a child can say “Dad, go.” Maybe they will be useful to someone. Maybe in your family you have figured out some other reasons why the child drives his father away. Share.
I apologize for any missed typos and typos. T9 rules in a tablet.
FROM THE COMMENTS I’ll add two more points:
- Affects established order. For example, if a child is used to sleeping alone with his mother, his father will be expelled from the bed.
- Protective alienation from father. The child misses his dad so much that he cannot bear it. We had a period when my daughter, who was waiting for her dad from work, refused to greet him and ran away. We came up with rituals for meeting dad and I began telling my daughter throughout the day that she missed her dad. The author of the comment gave an example: when dad went to work after vacation, the child in the evening until he became hysterical did not let dad near him.
“Mom, go away” - how to react?
The Home portal and www.fly-mama.ru have prepared a joint project. Thanks to our video comics, you can find answers to questions regarding raising children, deal with many problems and discover new ways for yourself to improve your relationship with your own child.
Problem:
The child drives you away from him, gets nervous, shouts “Go away!” How can mom's behavior resolve the conflict?
Explanation:
1. The mother is upset that the child is chasing her away. Her first reaction might have been a ban. Realizing that the ban will not solve the problem, the mother tries to find out what led to this behavior.
2. The mother voices her guesses to the child about the reasons for this behavior. She does not evaluate whether they are correct or not, but simply names them. Noticing that the child is very angry and is not ready to talk or seek comfort from her, she allows him to be alone. But at the same time she remains close: she is open to the child and is ready to listen to him and hug him at any moment.
3. The mother calmly goes about her business, checking from time to time to see if the child has calmed down and is ready to communicate. She can come up herself or he can come up first - it doesn’t matter. It is important that his behavior did not put barriers between them; his mother is still open to him.
4. The mother reacts calmly and with understanding to the child when he has calmed down. She gently asks about how he felt and why.
5. The mother sees that the child has completely calmed down (and she herself has managed to calm down), and only now begins to discuss the situation. The mother talks about her feelings, that his behavior was wrong, and offers the child simple diagram acceptable behavior in such a situation.
How often, in a fit of anger, parents say words to their children that penetrate deeply into the consciousness, hurt, leaving a mark there. for many years. As a result of the wrong actions of adults, the child becomes aggressive, his self-esteem decreases, and his parents cease to be an authority for him. How to avoid this? Let's look at 7 mistakes that adults make during quarrels with their children, and then try not to repeat them.
1. Focus on personality, not actions
When a child does something bad, parents often tell him that he is bad, saying phrases like “I don’t need such a child!” or “You’re a terrible boy!” With such statements, mothers and fathers hurt their children. It is important that the baby understands that it is not he himself who is bad, but the action he committed that causes disapproval of his parents.
2. Shifting the blame onto children
Sometimes, during times of strong irritation, parents begin to scold their children for something for which, in fact, they are not to blame. For example, a mother forgot to remove a plate or cup from the table, and the baby, running past, touched it, it fell and broke. Or another case - dad allowed me to pet the neighbor’s dog, but it bit the baby. And now the father scolds the child - don’t you know that a dog can bite? Who is to blame in this case? Is it a child? Why should he be scolded or punished? By shifting the blame from themselves to their children, parents can achieve only one thing - over time, their child will begin to do the same, he will not admit his mistakes. I think everyone will remember a situation when we need to scold ourselves, but we scold a child.
3. Demonstrating your superiority
Adults often demonstrate their own superiority to their children, which causes them a feeling of inferiority and humiliation, annoyance and resentment. This can be explained by the example of a situation where one of the parents, having taken a toy from a child, puts it on the closet or somewhere where the child cannot get it himself. What happens to the child at this time? He is in despair, he feels his own powerlessness and deep resentment, he begins to feel. You need to help the baby cope with his feelings, and the parents make the situation even worse by leaving him alone to think about his behavior.
4. Punishment by deprivation of material benefits
Do you use this technique - having promised to buy your son or daughter a toy, you take your words back if the child behaves badly? This is what most parents do to achieve obedience from their children. But is this right? Undoubtedly this method helps to quickly put children in their place, but what motivates them to obey - do they think about the feelings of their father and mother? No, in this situation the child is only concerned with his own benefits. When he gets older, he will understand that it is better to please his parents, so as not to be deprived material goods, and not out of respect for elders. At the same time, the teenager will accumulate his own experiences, resentment, anger and irritation within himself. Never punish children by depriving them of material things, but teach them to respect your feelings, explain why they need to do this and not otherwise.
5. Aggression, rudeness, physical punishment
If, during a quarrel with a child, a mother or father loses control over themselves, makes rude statements, shouts, or uses force to educate them, then the children adopt their way of acting. They learn from their parents that critical situation loss of control over oneself is the norm, that the one who is stronger, who screams louder and expresses himself more rudely is right. While the child is small, it seems that such educational measures work, but in fact the baby is simply afraid of the parents’ reaction, so he behaves well. Little children cannot fight back against adults - hit, shout, but when they grow up, we should expect a similar response from them.
Note to moms!
Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...
6. Demand an apology when parents don’t do it themselves.
To teach children something, you need to lead them by example. Parents will not be able to instill in their child the habit of asking for forgiveness for their actions if they themselves do not do this. Situations happen to everyone when, under the influence of fatigue or irritation, we can say a bunch of hurtful words to children. After a quarrel, we regret what we said, so why not tell our daughter or son: “Forgive me, I told you offensive words, I don’t really think that way about you.” What will happen next? Usually the kids also apologize for bad behavior hugging parents. Ask for forgiveness even when both parties are to blame, do it first, so that the children take an example from you.
To be honest, sometimes I myself lose my temper and say hurtful words to my daughter, which I later regret. But I always try to apologize for them. I tell my daughter: “Please forgive me. I lost my temper and told you something completely different from what I really think.” The daughter usually apologizes at this moment too: “Mommy, forgive me too. I was so capricious and behaved very badly. It was unpleasant for you. Will you excuse me?” And we usually hug.
In situations where we were both good, I usually apologize first. And at the same time, I don’t blame my daughter, I don’t say that she was wrong either. The daughter herself admits her part of the guilt in such situations and asks for forgiveness.
7. Use of humiliating punishments
When a child is guilty, he is punished, but this must be done correctly. When applying educational measures, use the rule - it is better to deprive a child of something good than to do something bad to him. For example, it is better to refuse to let your child watch cartoons or read at night than to raise his voice and spank him. Remember - you cannot humiliate a child by punishing him, so never scold children in the presence of strangers. If you are in a crowded place and your baby is behaving extremely badly, either postpone parenting until later, or step aside and talk to him quietly.
You can make a lot of mistakes in raising children, because we are all human. Great for helping reduce the amount conflict situations A simple rule: before you say anything to your children, say it to yourself. When the situation gets tense, replay this phrase in your head, it will help you stop. right moment, which means avoiding mistakes. By applying this rule, you will notice that children will begin to show respect, their self-esteem will increase, and they will begin to control their words.
“School for Young Fathers”: “How to quarrel with a child correctly”
The main mistakes in raising children
Note to moms!
Hello girls! Today I will tell you how I managed to get in shape, lose 20 kilograms, and finally get rid of terrible complexes fat people. I hope you find the information useful!
02-06-2006, 01:14
She often drives her dad away, doesn’t let him play with her, wash her, change her clothes, etc. just wildly yelling “go! I don’t want to!” here he either demands that you dress/wash, etc. mom, or just drives dad away and mom is generally not needed: 008: In general, she almost always sends dad: 010: Dad sometimes gets offended, sometimes tries to distract him with something, sometimes persuades him, sometimes he just walks away.. Now they won’t be offended, really. .. I asked a psychologist - they said we have a crisis three years and we just have to be patient:010: and respond to her messages with “I still love you, come and play when you want”...hmm.. it doesn’t work for us:008:
I'm wondering if anyone has had this happen? What did they do with it? or did it just go away? How fast? We've had this for three months now:010::008:
02-06-2006, 09:26
Of course, I’m not a psychologist, and my daughter is a little younger than yours, but we similar situation I was with one of the grandfathers, I’ll write what we did. When the grandfather came to visit (or we visited them) his granddaughter, he didn’t know which way to approach, and this and that, go to Katya’s arms, and let’s play/read, etc. etc. Katya turns up her nose, “I don’t want to!” and pushes him away and runs away. In the end, I got tired of looking at my grandfather’s suffering (he was very worried) and we decided that he would behave like this... “well, it’s not really necessary, if you want, you can come yourself!” You know - it worked! He minded his own business (often contrived in our house). Katya hung around, then if I was busy and she needed something, I told her - ask grandpa, he’ll do it if he can. And for the first time we saw Katya running around the apartment shouting “grandfather!” :) Well, now they are actually best friends :)
in general, in my opinion, do not impose, but do not repel. Let the child show interest himself and call. In our case, the daughter was clearly “suffocating” from her grandfather’s attention, and as soon as it weakened, she herself showed interest in him. Good luck!!!
02-06-2006, 10:10
We also have problems with dad... dad gets very offended, although he himself doesn’t pay much attention to her (work, etc.). But when I had to choose between a new kindergarten and staying at home with dad, I definitely chose dad. Yesterday we sat with him for a day, and both seemed happy. But I don't know if the problem is over
02-06-2006, 10:17
We have a similar situation... if mom is not around, everything is really great. but if there is a mother nearby......
I don’t know what to do. I think we have already tried all the options. I'm waiting for it to go away on its own
Mamusya Lerusi
02-06-2006, 13:39
Leave them alone more often. Go shopping, visit - dad will feed you, dress you, put you to bed - you'll like it. My daughter is my tail. When guests come, he holds on to me and doesn’t leave. And if I go outside, he forgets about me and is friends with everyone
02-06-2006, 14:13
We have something similar, but to a lesser extent.
My opinion is that the whole point is that the child has lost the habit of communicating with dad.
I noticed that my son’s relationship with his father changed when his dad was overwhelmed at work and practically did not communicate with him at all.
Even now he doesn’t spend much time with him, but my son knows that dad can give him advice and only he is constantly waiting for him from work for this.
So your dad needs to find something that only he can do with her and they will already have one general occupation, and then expand this (well, for example, that building a hut is more interesting with dad). Of course, dad must make an effort and do something different and more interesting than others. And it’s so difficult to interest a child if he reads the same books as his mother, only the child is accustomed to his mother’s version...
I hope I got my point across to you.
Snow Queen ©
02-06-2006, 16:03
In the end, I got tired of looking at my grandfather’s suffering (he was very worried) and we decided that he would behave like this... “well, it’s not really necessary, if you want, you can come yourself!” You know - it worked! He minded his own business (often contrived in our house). Katya hung around, then if I was busy and she needed something, I told her - ask grandpa, he’ll do it if he can. And for the first time we saw Katya running around the apartment shouting “grandfather!” :) Well, now they are actually best friends :)
“The less we love a woman, the more she likes us!”:)) :)) :))
02-06-2006, 16:10
It's the same with us.
"Dad, go away and that's it"
Changing clothes - mom, brushing teeth - mom, eating - with mom.
This is considering that dad spends much more time with him than mom.
those. Together with dad, everything is OK.
As soon as mom is home, all hell breaks loose.
Dad is upset, although he says that our “mommy period” is probably so late.
02-06-2006, 16:12
Yes! We have the same situation, though not only with my dad, who is either on business trips or at work, and manages to communicate with him for about an hour and a half in the evening and on weekends, but also with my grandmother, with whom he sits on weekdays.
Everyone thinks that the problem is with mom, that is, with ME! Because when I’m not at home, the child is pure gold, and when I’m there he screams, gets capricious and sends everyone away, he says I’m just a mother’s boy!
I hope that this is due to age, but nevertheless lately We are fighting this in two ways: dad started putting him to bed at night every day, and during the day on weekends. And on the weekend I go somewhere for two or three hours, or they go somewhere together!
Helps! He began to love his dad more, he recognizes that he is his mother’s son and DAD’S! Everyone is happy!
Today dad is returning from a 10-day business trip, let's see how he greets him. As always, or affectionately :)
Mamzel Frikadel
02-06-2006, 23:10
It’s the same thing - only when mom is nearby, but not - and dad is with a bang.
You are my fish
03-06-2006, 00:11
For the first 3-4 years, the child is drawn mainly to his mother. Then, when the child begins to distinguish the gender of a person, he begins to reach out to the man, mainly to the dad, and the mother is already standing on the side. This is just another stage in a child's development. Be patient, then dad will get it too.
03-06-2006, 01:54
I wrote and wrote, but somehow everything disappeared:(
Thank you for the answers, now I see we’re not the only ones... so maybe this is normal.. :005:
Our option “it’s not really necessary, you can come if you want” doesn’t work... My daughter, on the contrary, is happy - “dad doesn’t interfere” :008: and mom is nearby, so everything is ok... When I’m not there, they communicate normally, True, sometimes she remembers about me, she whines a little... I want mom, where is mom... Only mom can put me to bed! At one time, I remember, my dad was putting it in bed, it was the pride of the family! And then, suddenly, I need my mother and that’s it! :010: tears, screams... right to the point of hysteria:008: In the end, I do the styling, and every time my daughter asks who will do the styling and does not forget to let her know that she wants her mother to do the styling!! :010:
She also chases away our grandmother:008: (we live together) she refuses even just a kiss from grandma (and dad too) after a working day...
A friend’s daughter, the same age, has the same thing: 010: Now we’re sitting there, thinking and wondering, when will this end? and how softer, without losses for the family, etc. pass this stage? :009: :010:
03-06-2006, 02:03
Yes, they have already accused me that this is all from me.. :008: What is my fault?? On the contrary, I often say during the day that daddy misses us... and we miss him... How we want daddy to return from work quickly, how we want to play together, etc.. It seems to me that I’m the opposite I'm setting it up for dad! :008:
And about joint activities- this is very good way to bring the child and dad closer together, but for some reason we haven’t been able to do this yet... either there’s not enough time for all this... (we try to go for walks as much as possible and when both houses remain mostly routine moments of washing, changing clothes, eating, etc.) d.) is there not enough ingenuity, ingenuity, patience, or maybe even desire? :008: :009:
