Women with low self-esteem suffer from insecurity, are afraid of criticism and do not know how to accept compliments. The habitual role of the victim does not allow us to perceive life in all its colors and boldly look into the future. We learn not to give in to manipulation.

As you know, self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself, his personal qualities and capabilities in comparison with other people, what place he assigns to himself in society. Self-esteem is not inherited - it is formed in preschool age under the influence of the people closest to the child - parents. It primarily depends on them whether the baby will have adequate self-esteem, high or low. And how his future life will turn out, how successful it will be, whether he will be able to set goals and achieve them or whether he will constantly doubt his abilities and come to terms with the stigma of a loser - all this depends on the level of his self-esteem.

It is not easy to live next to people who have high self-esteem, because they are convinced that they are always right, do not see their own shortcomings and do not admit their mistakes. They believe that they have the right to control others, strive to be the center of attention and show aggression if someone does not agree with them. “You are the best,” they were told in childhood. “You are a queen!” Dad repeated to a girl he knew. He believed that by feeling like a queen, she would make everyone around her believe it. But for some reason those around her did not want to play the role of her subjects, and there were fewer and fewer people who wanted to be friends with her.

Life is not easy for those whose... For some reason that is understandable to them, parents humiliate the child, showing their power over him, break him, making him obedient, and ultimately turn him into an infantile, weak-willed creature on which everyone wipes their feet.

“It’s terrible what you’ve done, you can’t be entrusted with anything!”, “You’re just ruining everything - better leave”, “Look at Anya, she’s a girl like a girl, and you’re disheveled and a slob”, “Now you’ll get it from me, it’s such an infection ! - criticism, threats, comparison with other children, unwillingness to take into account the child’s opinion and see him as an individual, talking to him in a commanding tone reduces his self-respect and self-esteem. His own life attitudes have not yet been formed, and he considers his parents’ beliefs to be an immutable truth. Psychologists call this direct suggestion, and children at an early age are very suggestible.

If mom and dad call a child a fool and a nonentity, then that is exactly how he will perceive himself. As the proverb says: “Tell a man a hundred times that he is a pig, and on the hundred and first he will grunt.” Others will perceive him the same way.

Another test for a child's self-esteem is adolescence. At this time, he is very vulnerable and takes criticism painfully. If you repeat to him that nothing good will come of him and that his only choice is to go to prison or to jail, then you shouldn’t be surprised that this will happen.

Ultimately, people with low self-esteem justify all the nicknames and epithets that were awarded to them in childhood. They really become losers, losers, outsiders. They lose, sometimes without even entering the game, because they are indecisive and do not believe in themselves. “I’m not worthy,” they explain their loss.

Women with low self-esteem - which men choose them?

Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life because they “know their place.” However, psychologists have noticed that they, in addition, attract men of a certain type - domineering, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and is easy to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.

A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient because she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her and does not look at anyone else. And even if she does look, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband can relax, because if he were married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to measure up. And so he is forgiven a lot - pettiness, rudeness, and sloppiness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.

A woman with low self-esteem is treated negatively not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do everything in the best possible way.

It is especially easy for them to instill in them a feeling of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this really non-existent guilt, they try even harder to please in order to earn praise.

What are they like - women with low self-esteem?

Many women have no idea that all their depression and failures are associated with low self-esteem. They think: this is how life turned out, the unfavorable circumstances that prevented them from becoming happy, successful and loved are to blame. “You can’t escape fate!” they resign themselves, instead of working on personal attitudes with the help of which they can change their attitude towards themselves - to love themselves. Are we not worthy of this love? “I’m alone at home,” says psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova, who wrote a book with the same title. If we want to be understood, valued and loved by others, we must learn to understand, value and love ourselves.

Do these women remind us of anyone? They:

1. Trouble-free

But not because they are compassionate and feel satisfaction from fulfilling other people’s requests. On the contrary, they scold themselves for not being able to refuse, they get angry and irritated. But they are unable to say “no”: suddenly the person asking will be offended or think badly of them, but someone else’s opinion is very important to them, and it must certainly be positive;

2. Criticism is painful to bear

Women with adequate self-esteem also adequately perceive criticism: they accept it or not, without falling into hysterics. If you tell a woman with low self-esteem that she is wrong, it will almost become a tragedy for her. Resentment, tears and indignation will follow, because she perceives criticism as an insult and humiliation, hints at her inferiority. After all, as you know, people with low self-esteem want to please everyone and be good to everyone;

3. Overly critical of your appearance

They do not tolerate criticism from others, but they themselves are never satisfied with themselves and their appearance, so they strive not to stand out, to be in the shadows. They don't like their figure, their face, their body, their hair - nothing. At the same time, they often engage in public self-criticism, obviously subconsciously expecting that those around them will begin to dissuade them, assure them otherwise and give compliments;

4. They don’t know how to accept compliments.

They love them, but they don’t know how to accept them. It is possible that in response to praise that she looks great today, a woman with low self-esteem will fuss and say something like: “Yes, I washed my hair today” or “Oh, this is an old dress, so it doesn’t show who I am.” became a cow";

5. Feel like a victim

Their vulnerable psyche reacts painfully to every sidelong glance and crooked word. They exaggerate their importance in the lives of other people; it seems to them that others are only thinking about how to offend them. They often feel sorry for themselves, repeating when they fail: “Well, not with my happiness”;

6. Giving up their own desires

They have their own dreams and desires, but they are driven somewhere so deep that they no longer remind of themselves. And all because women with low self-esteem live by other people's desires. Have you been waiting for the day off to take a walk in the park with your husband? But he said: “We’re going to the dacha to clean the garden, weed the vegetable garden.” Tired and want to take a break? “What a vacation! Look, my old mother is working, and you’re lying down?!” “Tomorrow my friends will come to visit. Do not want? Can't be. Let’s run to the kitchen, to the stove!”

They do not know how to refuse, because this means disappointing others, not meeting their hopes, which women with low self-esteem cannot allow;

7. Inability to make choices and take responsibility

They too often utter the words: “I can’t,” “I won’t succeed,” “I don’t have the right to decide this.” It is not surprising that making a decision is incredibly difficult for them, because you can make a mistake and earn disapproval and receive a negative assessment. Therefore, they hesitate for a long time and, if possible, shift this task to others: “What do you recommend? I will do as you say";

8. Unsatisfied with your surroundings

They often complain to colleagues and friends that their husband suppresses them, their mother-in-law finds fault with them, and their relatives do not appreciate them. At home they cry that the boss does not take their point of view into account, and that the employees offend them. Psychologists say that subconsciously women with low self-esteem themselves attract people who do not value them, and thus further strengthen the opinion that they are worthless losers.

We increase our self-esteem

Women who are tired of being a puppet and an object of manipulation, who want to live their own lives and not depend on other people's opinions, can correct their character. It's not difficult - you just need to want to change.

1. Minimize or stop communicating with people around whom self-esteem decreases

We doubt, constantly seek advice, show uncertainty, show how someone's remark hurts us, constantly make excuses and easily take the blame upon ourselves - and in the end we become such a whipping boy, an eternal scapegoat that no one takes seriously. and which is not usually taken into account. People easily figure out someone they can treat condescendingly, condescendingly, and begin to manipulate him.

To a large extent, we are to blame for the current situation: they say that we are treated the way we allow ourselves to be treated.

But if we are no longer satisfied with this state of affairs, we must “show our teeth” - of course, not with the help of hysterics. We control our reactions, not giving any reason to consider us a spineless mumble.

Changing the attitude of those who are already accustomed to our “toothlessness” towards ourselves is more difficult than starting to build relationships from scratch, but it is possible. However, if those around us stubbornly continue to assert themselves at our expense, then we have no need for such communication. We will spend time with those with whom we become better and gain confidence in our abilities.

2. Love yourself

Nowadays a lot is said and written about the need to love yourself. Loving yourself does not mean not giving a damn about others and carrying yourself, your beloved, like a sack. This means understanding yourself, learning to live in harmony with yourself and the world, respecting yourself and not engaging in self-flagellation and self-criticism.

Louise Hay, a famous American psychologist and author of several books on psychological self-help, suggests going to the mirror in the morning and looking at your reflection and saying: “I love you. What can I do for you today to make you joyful and happy?” At first, this phrase will be hindered by some internal protest, but soon it will sound natural and free.

As Louise Hay writes, “I’m not trying to fix the problem. I am correcting my thoughts. And then the problem corrects itself.”

3. Set ourselves positive attitudes

We do this with the help of visualizations. The above phrase by Louise Hay about self-love is one of the possible affirmations. Some people complain that affirmations don't work for them. “I repeat the same thing ten times a day, but nothing changes,” they say.

Louise Hay compares affirmations to a grain or seed - it is not enough to plant it, it needs to be watered, it needs to be looked after. Having planted, for example, a tomato, we don’t expect to get fruit tomorrow, do we? The same can be said about affirmations and visualizations - they stimulate us and keep us focused on the goal, but for them to work, we must take real steps.

4. Meditate

For example: we relax, close our eyes and mentally transport ourselves to some wonderful place where we once were and where we felt good. We will feel it very clearly - sounds, smells. Then let’s imagine a wandering wizard who tells us: “My dear, you are beautiful and unique. You have the right to your opinion, you may not know something or be wrong. You can judge for yourself what is good and what is bad, and take responsibility whenever you wish. You have the right to decide for yourself what and when to do. You have the right to be who you are! You came into this world, on this planet for your own sake!”

The wizard smiles at us and says goodbye to us, and we take a breath, open our eyes and return to reality.

5. We don’t save on ourselves

Remarque wrote that “A woman who saves on herself evokes in a man the only desire - to save on her.”

Nothing raises a woman's self-esteem more than the confidence that she is good and desirable. (Obviously, this is why some men are satisfied with an unpretentious and undemanding wife, around whom they can relax without fear that she will leave or be taken away.)

A gym, swimming pool, beauty salon, SPA salon, etc. are not only about external beauty, but also about health, and above all mental health.

Low self-esteem is a very serious problem for many girls, because it threatens them not only with disappointments in their personal lives, but also with failures in the professional field. What kind of self-esteem can be considered low and is there a way to increase it?

What is self-esteem

Normal self-esteem

A high self-evaluation

Low or low self-esteem (reasons and symptoms)

Family relationships

Peer relationships

First love

Ways to increase self-esteem in a woman or girl

Accept and love yourself

Stop comparing yourself to others

Down with self-criticism

Be a little selfish

Believe in yourself and your success

Forgive yourself for defeats, praise for victories

More positivity and optimism

Fight your fears. If you feel uncomfortable in large companies and get lost in conversations with people you don’t know well, then this can be fixed. Public speaking courses and periodic visits to crowded places can help you. Try to meet your fear halfway, and then it will begin to recede. Acquire new knowledge. If you are not yet comfortable attending any courses or master classes, look for the necessary lessons on the Internet. So you can learn a foreign language, learn to sew, dance and much more. The more new skills you acquire, the higher your self-esteem will be. Do not communicate with people who lower your self-esteem. If there is even the slightest possibility of this, completely cut off contact with them. Such communication will only harm you, and under such circumstances it is very difficult to achieve a positive result. At the same time, try to be more often in the company of people around whom you feel confident and comfortable. Pay special attention to taking care of yourself and your appearance. People who are afraid of drawing attention to themselves are usually afraid that some shortcoming will become obvious to others. You don’t have to live with this feeling - find any way to correct in yourself what confuses you and limits you in communicating with other people. If you have enough time to engage in self-criticism and indulge in despondency, then it’s better to direct it completely a different direction - set big and small goals for yourself, make plans on how you can achieve them, and then start implementing your plans. And under no circumstances think that you won’t succeed. If you really want something, then it is achievable, even if not on the first try. The main thing is to start taking action, because usually the first step is the most difficult.

Self-esteem is a person’s attitude towards his own personality, his idea of ​​himself. Representatives of the stronger sex, no less often than women, suffer from low self-esteem.

To find out how to increase male self-esteem, you need to find out the reason why it has decreased.

How can parents lower self-esteem?

When parents treat a boy too strictly from early childhood, in the future he will consider this model of behavior to be the norm. As a result, the child develops the opinion that he is not worthy of love. And with manifestations of love, he will be sure that they do not love him, but simply want something from him.

Having matured, a man is unable to perceive manifestations of sympathy or affection. Having connected his life with a woman, a man with a low sense of self-esteem is not trusting and therefore very jealous.

In most cases, a man's self-esteem is formed in childhood. And remains so for the rest of his life. From early childhood, a boy is taught to meet high demands. His parents are strict with him, in kindergarten he condemns tears, in his educational institution they talk about the upcoming defense of the country.

The boy feels unable to meet all the requirements. Parents are in no hurry to explain that the presented criteria do not apply to him personally, but are guidelines for society. Thus, low self-esteem in men begins to develop.

Parents must understand that they should not demand the unattainable from their child. The attitude towards the child must first of all be respectful. The child needs to be explained how best to act, and not be required to do so. Under no circumstances should you manipulate a child, blackmail him or laugh at him. In the future, a reduced sense of self-esteem does not allow a teenager to live normally, then a guy, and makes life very difficult for an adult man.

Other reasons

Dependence on other people's opinions

An overly impressionable and trusting man has a hard time dealing with any negative statements directed at him. Having heard a lot of bad things about himself, and not always true ones, he withdraws into himself. Also, if a man is accustomed to praise and fame, he will always expect the approval of society. And in the absence of approval, his self-confidence decreases significantly.

Obsession with life's failures

Having experienced a series of failures, a man concentrates his attention on the events that happened and programs himself only for the bad. Without thinking that failures are just experience, and after them new opportunities will open up. As a result, a man develops low self-esteem.

Position in society

It is extremely important for a man to be in demand. He experiences the inability to realize it much harder than a woman. Lack of work and inability to find fulfillment significantly reduces self-esteem. Men who have failed to make a career are much more likely to suffer from low self-esteem.

Bad relationship experience

Men for whom relationships are more important than their careers have a hard time with failures on the love front. The inability to start a family takes a huge toll on self-esteem.

Signs of low self-esteem

Closedness

The man tries in every possible way to avoid contact with people, turning to them only in case of emergency. Loneliness is a conscious choice. Such individuals have no close people. They usually only maintain superficial relationships.

Indecisiveness

A person is overcome by the fear of losing his comfort zone. He is afraid to end a difficult, unnecessary relationship, quit a job he doesn’t like, or move to another city. Any change is scary and seems like a nightmare. Such individuals are not ready to take responsibility for their decisions and actions. They are sure that it is better not to decide anything at all, since they can make a mistake. After all, if you make a mistake, you will have to endure criticism. What they fear most in such cases is criticism from loved ones.

Guilt

The man considers himself to blame for everything and cannot forgive himself for this. He apologizes all the time, even if he has nothing to do with what happened. Gradually, the feeling of guilt turns into a habit, and the person apologizes for everything that happens around him. Believes that all failures happen solely through his fault. Also, a person is constantly ashamed of his actions. As a result, self-esteem is greatly reduced.

Uncertain speech

Another symptom of low self-esteem is that a man constantly uses negative words in his speech. Most often these are phrases that mean denial: I can’t, I’m not ready, it won’t work, I can’t. Also, during conversations, there are often phrases that confirm uncertainty in one’s actions: maybe, probably, this is just a coincidence.

Constant complaints

An insecure person constantly complains about life. He can blame not only himself, but also other people for his unfulfilled life. Most often, complaints are an attempt to attract attention.

How to raise a man's self-esteem

Workout

Physical activity can “cure” low self-esteem. Active physical activities promote the release of adrenaline and help make your figure athletic and gain self-confidence.

Find yourself a hobby

An interesting hobby will help you become taller not only in your own eyes, but also in the eyes of other people. A hobby can be absolutely anything, as long as it brings pleasure. Psychologists are sure that a hobby can raise self-esteem several times over.

Learn to respect yourself

Success in relationships with important people strengthens self-esteem and increases the likelihood of achieving your goals. Low self-esteem, on the contrary, leads to defeat and disappointment. Therefore, it is extremely important to learn to respect yourself.

Self-esteem lies in the opinion you have about yourself. The people around him show a reflection of how a man thinks about himself and how much he values ​​himself. When a person is convinced that he is nothing of himself, the people around him think the same way. If you change your way of thinking and learn to value yourself, people around you will notice and begin to respect you.

Read books

A person who is well-read and knowledgeable about many issues is much less likely to encounter situations from which it is difficult to find a way out. Well-read men are able to behave with dignity under any circumstances. Knowledge not only increases self-esteem, but also helps to predict situations and people's behavior.

Find a good girl

A loved one who will always listen, support, and give you faith in yourself. A loved one can fill you with energy and inspire confidence. A girl will help her boyfriend or husband feel important and thereby increase self-esteem.

Learn to think positively

A mindset can significantly improve your quality of life. By learning to see the future as a favorable outcome, you can program yourself for success.

Learn to set goals and achieve them

It is better to divide large goals into smaller ones. If a goal seems impossible, you should divide it into step-by-step stages. Each step completed will help increase confidence and teach you how to achieve the desired result.

What is self-esteem and self-confidence?

Concept "self-esteem"implies a person’s idea of ​​the importance of his activities in society and the person’s assessment of himself, his capabilities, qualities and place among other people. This is also the value that a person attributes to himself or to his individual qualities. Moreover, we are talking not only about assessing one’s own qualities and feelings, advantages and disadvantages, but also about their open and closed expression. The fact is that self-esteem belongs to the core of personality and is a regulator of behavior. It determines how our relationships with others develop, how demanding we are of ourselves and people, prone to criticism and self-criticism, and how we relate to successes and failures, both our own and those of others. It becomes obvious why self-esteem determines the effectiveness of activities and personal development. An interesting nuance is that each person uses his own system of meanings as an evaluation criterion. Work with self-esteem occurs on several planes at once. This includes a person’s internal psychological environment, his physical life, social interactions, and professional sphere.

3 ways to “lower” self-esteem

In fact, not all insecure people need to “increase their self-esteem and self-confidence.” More precisely, it is a question of method. An interesting trend is noticeable. Let's be honest: several years ago it became fashionable to literally train yourself, increase your self-esteem, using all kinds of techniques. The well-known principle of “faith from hearing” worked: auto-training and other techniques worked, and many people believed that they were “the best”. This has created a whole generation of people whose “high self-esteem” and “self-confidence” are expressed in a special style of communication and work.

Surely you periodically come across people who, for example, do not answer calls or letters, delay the completion of a project - not because real circumstances interfere, but because in this way they emphasize their own importance and the insignificance of requests from other people, build a hierarchy, which has only one goal - to drown out fundamental self-doubt, which is disguised as unattainability and readiness to communicate only with “equals”. Each of us has seen many different examples and combinations of arrogance, snobbery and low self-esteem.

What can be useful for a person who has become a star?

1. First of all, you need a glimpse of a critical look at yourself, an analysis of situations and behavior - and an awareness of the fact that the increase in self-esteem has gone wrong.

Do you enjoy being “wooed” in business communication: they persuade you, ingratiate you, call and write without answering? Do you like to do favors where you can easily say “OK”? Do you need the outcome of a situation or the fate of a person in this time period to depend on your decision? Do you find yourself displaying arrogance and unnecessarily complicating something simple? The tragicom of the situation lies in the fact that at some point “Elusive Joe” begins to be called “elusive” simply because no one catches him. A person who seeks to belittle others in order to feel successful ceases to be interesting to people and loses credibility. Work on self-esteem and self-confidence, carried out in the style of a rough game for promotion, can play a cruel joke on a person. True self-confidence and healthy self-esteem deepen the personality, forming fundamental independence, calmness, dignity, enterprise and friendliness in a person. An attempt to “appoint oneself as a star” by skipping the stage of “sorting out the rubble” only sharpens a person’s shortcomings: it makes him arrogant, arrogant, ill-mannered and inattentive to the feelings or work of other people. 2. Think about whether it is so important to consider yourself a privileged caste and cultivate exclusivity.

All these are social games: you can love a certain movie, music or style of clothing, have a good income, famous acquaintances and a prestigious, interesting profession without making a cult of success out of it. People who have the most complete and fresh view of the world, as a rule, easily pass through the conventional barriers of social strata and receive a lot of new knowledge and positive emotions from a variety of interlocutors. A rule of thumb is that truly integrity and great people are humble, gentle, and friendly. Their intellect and schedule are occupied with more meaningful and constructive things than asserting themselves in an attempt to hide low self-esteem. Such methods of designating a high position in society as arrogance or snobbery leave traces “inside” the personality and separate from reality. The paradox is that to truly increase self-esteem and self-confidence, sometimes it is necessary to lower artificially high self-esteem, return to the starting point and start from scratch. In this case, the scales on which ideas about the world and other people and ideas about oneself lie will be leveled.

Work on self-esteem and self-confidence, carried out in the style of a rough game for promotion, can play a cruel joke on a person. An attempt to “appoint oneself as a star” by skipping the stage of “sorting out the rubble” only sharpens a person’s shortcomings: it makes him arrogant, arrogant, ill-mannered and inattentive to the feelings or work of other people.

17 Ways to Boost Your Self-Esteem and Confidence

1. Low self-esteem is also not always unfounded: you need to constantly work on yourself psychologically, physically, organizationally, and professionally.

Through such a tool as self-esteem, a person’s personality “communicates” with him and “tells” him what needs to be corrected. Self-awareness and feelings are pretty honest things. We notice self-doubt when we realize that we look bad, we lack knowledge and skills, life has become monotonous, our career has stalled, etc. 2. Always learn.

Get an additional specialty and useful skills, learn new software that will be useful in practice, improve your brain functions (read also the Zillion article), watch webinars (). Have you earned or saved money to upgrade your car? Think about what will bring more benefit: what if this money can be spent with better prospects on another education that will allow you to achieve a completely new standard of living and competencies? Choose a conditional mentor among famous people. Not an idol, but a conditional mentor: study his principles of life and manners, the way he behaves in different situations. This is a chance to “learn” charisma and personal charm (as much as possible), to realize what kind of person you want to be. Of course, you shouldn’t imitate and blindly copy, but it will be useful to look at the self-management principles of public people whom you respect (this could be, for example, Sir Richard Branson, Sergey Brin, Mark Zuckerberg, John Stewart, Jimmy Fallon, etc.) . A chance is rarely “given” - in 99% of cases it is created precisely by the person who needs it. Move! When it comes to the number of actions, the question of moving to action is no longer an issue.

4. Live actively, become "Yes Man!". Be open, add optimism (register for the webinar), stop being afraid of meeting people and communicating, or out of laziness refuse an offer to attend an event. Opportunities are everywhere, at every step. Surely you remember such situations: you doubted for a long time whether to go, assessed traffic jams, thought that you didn’t know anyone there, and what to do there alone. In the end, they decided to come and arrived late - and received such a positive and useful experience that they later thought: “It’s still good that I went.” This doesn’t always happen, but the more often you go out, the statistically greater your chances of having a good time, meeting interesting people and gaining new knowledge. Try to travel more often. If you have the opportunity to occasionally travel abroad for the weekend, make it a habit. This approach removes the feeling of being tied to a place and the monotony of life, broadens your horizons and makes you a “person of the world.” Search engines will find dozens of sites offering weekend tours at not too high prices. Look into the eyes of your insecurities: for example, take part in creative competitions that world-famous brands regularly hold for everyone.

5. Do good deeds. Not only to increase self-esteem, of course. But this effect will also occur automatically. Think less “about yourself” - in the sense of your meaning and place in life, about problems, shortcomings, etc. Think about those who are truly deprived in life and who need your help. A person who is aware of his “need” to other people better understands his place in the world, his self-esteem moves from the “I am in the world” layer to a deeper, fundamental layer “the world in me and the world around me”

The paradox is that to truly increase self-esteem and self-confidence, sometimes it is necessary to lower artificially high self-esteem, return to the starting point and start from scratch

6. Stop comparing yourself to others.It doesn’t matter what you have achieved so far and what your classmates, fellow students and friends have achieved in comparison with you. You have your own path and you never know what life will take in the future. Many successful people received or created their chance and realized it in adulthood (and sometimes in very adulthood), but this, of course, is not a reason to sit and wait for a chance. What matters is whether you're happy with how your life is going: and if it's not, come up with creative solutions for each segment. Life is not a horse race on a hippodrome: you do not have to prove to anyone that you are “better” or “not worse”. The only thing a person is “obliged” to do is to act in order to arrange his life harmoniously. Remember the rule: many interesting, active, enterprising people around you are a sign that you are in an “environment of success.” How and why, in this case, envy them? After all, being in an “environment of success” means getting opportunities for personal growth, career development, networking, finding like-minded people to realize your dreams, for example, organizing your own business. Comparing yourself with successful people and envying, quietly admitting your own worthlessness, translated into the language of the subconscious means a voluntary refusal of opportunities and self-destructive thinking. The subconscious will not forgive this; after some time, such psychological attitudes will certainly become visible on the landscape of life.

7. Forgive your parents and other loved ones. It is believed that low self-esteem comes from criticism, excessive guardianship (which prevents one from becoming independent and learning to cope with different situations), as well as lack of attention (this imposes on a person the idea that he is not interesting even to those close to him and is not worthy of love). If you didn't receive enough attention as a child, perhaps your parents simply worked very hard to give you the good things that filled your childhood. Accordingly, there was no physical strength and enthusiasm left to show interest and love. It is also likely that your parents tried to protect you from troubles and stress through excessive care. And, by the way, they really protected me from a lot, but since this bad thing didn’t happen, only the negative side of hyper-protection is visible. Criticism is more difficult. Raising a child on molasses of continuous praise will not work, and it is dangerous. However, criticism explains little, but undermines self-confidence, so the fact of this erroneous behavior on the part of loved ones must simply be let go, since it is impossible to make the past better, but the future can be improved.

8. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and remembering the bad. Low self-esteem and self-doubt do not always stem from childhood: it happens that a person breaks down in a series of situations where he was rejected or lost. There is always someone and where to reject us: in friendship, love, work, interviews, etc. There are also many opportunities to lose: in sports, competitions and contests, when choosing between two possibilities, in case of unsuccessful investments, in the fight against some sometimes circumstances, etc. Failures and periods of crisis are an obligatory part of life, everyone has them, and without them we would be worth nothing. By remembering people and events that greatly harmed you, you again give your mental energy to the situation from the past, return to it emotionally and experience the same pain. Firstly, this is how a person automatically takes this mental energy from his present, that is, from his mood, enthusiasm and will to act. Secondly, an offended person translates his resentment and pain into behavior. This happens in all the microscopic shifts of any situation, and in the end it is difficult to understand why everything is “not very good”. And “not very” - for the reason that people catch this intention in communication, and any situation is revealed not in the most successful way. Sometimes emotions and resentments simmer for a long time, so learn to let go of an unpleasant situation or failure within a set period of time (1 hour, 1 day, 3 days, 1 week): it’s like the expiration date on a carton of milk. When starting to live in a new way, reset yourself: the ascent will be difficult if you drag the baggage of grievances and bad memories up the mountain.

Low self-esteem is not always unfounded: you need to constantly work on yourself psychologically, physically, organizationally, and professionally.

9. Self-esteem and self-confidence are quite strongly related to success in personal relationships. And the quality and duration of personal relationships are quite strongly related to self-esteem. People with low self-esteem are characterized by passivity, pessimism, self-obsession, an inferiority complex, a tendency to jealousy, and at the same time the expectation that someone will change their world and appreciate them for who they are. Naturally, with such a set of contradictory attitudes, little can happen. Often people with low self-esteem do not even know how to flirt, for example, they are very shy. There are special flirting guides for this case. Take care of this side of your life: learn to flirt, at least according to Hollywood melodramas, don’t sit at home, create opportunities, don’t hide your personal charm, don’t be afraid to smile at a pleasant person and just communicate in a positive way, without being frank and without making big bets.

10. Realize that absolutely every person is beautiful in their own way. Doubts? There is a way to get rid of them - look more often, for example, at paintings by old masters. Artists and photographers are distinguished by the fact that they can see the beauty of any face: in one there is the radiance of youth, in the other wisdom and experience of life are expressed, in the third - piercing ardor, in the fourth - deep intelligence. If this idea inspires you, order your portrait or photo session from the artist or photographer whose style you personally like. If it turned out subjectively unsuccessful, try again - maybe next time it will turn out great. This will help you look at yourself as an object, including an object of desire. Why do celebrities seem so radiant to everyone? After all, in fact, before they go out on the carpet, crowds of stylists work on their appearance, and this process does not look so glossy. The dresses the stars wear often don’t belong to them at all, and the jewelry is taken against a signature from a jewelry brand that hopes to get a mention in the press. However, photos from carpets are fascinating because the people in them are the object, the object of everyone's attention. If you stubbornly consider yourself ugly, remember: after a while people stop noticing “ugliness” in the same way as “beauty” - the bottom line is only communication statistics, which virtually records a person’s assessments in different situations. Psychological studies were conducted in which two groups of people were shown portraits of the same little-known historical figures, about whose life and character there was a lot of information from memoirs and descriptions. To one group the depicted hero was presented as a composer, a sweet person and a smart person, and to another group he was presented as a criminal, an unprincipled, cruel type. And then they asked to describe his appearance. The result confirmed the hypothesis - people said that the “bad person” had unpleasant facial features, and the appearance of the “good person” was described as kind, beautiful and attractive.

11. Without going to extremes, evaluate your physical fitness. Of course, everyone is beautiful in their own way, but we say this in the context of normal weight and neutral appearance, the features of which a person subjectively evaluates poorly, for example, in the style of “my nose is too big.” It is known that non-standard facial features combined with personal charm give a person individuality and allow him to be better remembered. If you are overweight, then convincing yourself of its attractiveness means making a dubious deal. It’s worth turning to the experience of Americans Angela and Willie Gillis and thinking about how these two were able to lose 223 kg for two in a year. Now each of them weighs the same as the average person, or even a little less. And before that, the Gillis couple were typical representatives of one of the most corpulent cities in the United States, Beaumont. The Gillies once wondered if they could lose some weight, and became so interested that they now eat only healthy foods and run half marathons. “We defeated fat” - that’s what they call it official site, where you can see the dynamics of weight loss and read the blog.

12. Do fitness or sports. This is good for your appearance, for a good mood (since physical activity produces happiness hormones), and for psychological relaxation (fitness relieves stress and puts you in the mood for action).

Forgive everyone, reset yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and envying the success of other people. Assess your physical fitness, do fitness, work on your style, appearance and behavior, be natural and “adequate to yourself.” Stop seeking attention and procrastinating

13. Work on your individual appearance style. Stop running around with invented flaws in appearance - a well-groomed and decently dressed (not necessarily expensive) person who follows what is trendy in fashion and broadcasts the most adequate part of his personality through his image will, by default, be perceived positively in the stratum of society that his image is oriented. The fact is that through our appearance we communicate who we are, what our interests are, how we see the desired environment and communication style.

16. Stop procrastinating. The fact is that by procrastinating, that is, killing time by reading feeds on social networks for a long time, playing games at odd hours, endless web surfing, minor correspondence (even on business issues), etc., people become extremely ineffective at work . Since procrastination is based on fear of action or reluctance to do some tedious, unpleasant or long work, a person tends to put it off “for a little more.” Minutes add up to hours, work is idle, but it still has to be done. Thus, people disrupt their entire schedule and perform worse at work than they could. This slows down their careers, disrupts their lifestyle, and creates a nagging sense of anxious uncertainty. In such conditions, self-esteem descends to the depths of the Mariana Trench. Self-confidence cannot be maintained if you do nothing or do everything at the wrong time. Set clear media viewing times in your schedule and limit them: for example, 30 minutes of reading articles and posts at 11 pm before bed.

Always remember the principle of Luck is an Attitude: there is no luck, there is attitude. Always learn. Live actively, become a “Yes Man!” Do good deeds.

17. Try to keep the promises you make to yourself. Many of them reflect your honest, inner view of lifestyle and behavior problems, as well as a vision of the kind of person you want to be. To be honest, few people manage to keep promises from the “from Monday” category: we all constantly break down, finding excuses and reasons. So it is better to train this ability in approaches than not to train it at all. The clause on promises also includes strict adherence to the schedule, one’s own time limits, as well as a sound assessment of the time needed to complete the work - this will allow one to better organize oneself. And a person whose affairs, thoughts and lifestyle are in order automatically feels on the right path.

If you want to get to know a person, take a trip with him

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Hello, dear parents, I have already written about. Today I will teach you how to correct a child’s low or high self-esteem - that is, to form an adequate self-esteem in the child.

To begin with, I’ll tell you about a very interesting experiment that clearly reveals the importance of children having adequate self-esteem.

In one of the Moscow schools After a series of tests, 2 groups of junior schoolchildren were selected. The first group included children who had an adequate assessment of themselves, the second group included children with low self-esteem of their abilities.

From these two groups, 2 classes were formed.

In the first grade, children (whose self-esteem coincided with actual capabilities and successes) were distinguished by cognitive activity, good spirits. They boldly chose difficult tasks to solve and believed that they could cope with them. During the lessons, they were not only listeners, but also actively participated in discussions and expressed their opinions. Criticism and objections from classmates and the teacher not only did not infringe on them, but, on the contrary, encouraged them to understand the issue more deeply. A bad grade did not put them out of action, but encouraged them to take action aimed at correcting it.

In the second grade (with children with low self-esteem), students were characterized by passivity, timidity, and lack of confidence in their knowledge, even when this knowledge was completely satisfactory to the teacher. Increased anxiety and suspiciousness forced them to remain in the shadows. They tried to avoid the possibility of being evaluated, they themselves did not raise their hand to answer the teacher’s question, even when they undoubtedly knew the answer to this question.. Perceiving themselves as unsuccessful and incapable of defending themselves, they were afraid of those who, in their opinion, were “stronger”, teachers, parents.

This is the picture. I think she answers the question? Why do you need to correct inadequate self-esteem? So let's get started.

How to improve a child's low self-esteem:

1. The “I see you” method.

When parents are interested in their child's life, the child feels loved. I have already written about how an indifferent attitude towards a child leads to a low assessment of himself.

Agree with the fact that You always pay the most attention to what you value most.. If you pay more attention to your child, he will feel more valuable.

Listen to your child, ask him how his day was, ask for details, respond emotionally to his story, laugh, groan. When we listen carefully to a child (and even an adult), his self-esteem grows, that is, his self-esteem grows.

Moreover, such listening creates a special level of trust between you and your child. He will begin to confide in you about his secret experiences and tell you about his innermost being. You will know what is in his soul, you will be able to get to know and understand your child better.

2. The method of “positive expectations”.

When you tell your child, “I believe you can do it,” “you will get better at it with time,” you encourage him to believe in himself. You create in him a desire to make more efforts than would be the case if the child did not hear these words of your support.

There is an important point here. In no case The method of “positive expectations” should not be confused with the method of “inflated demands”. If a child feels your pressure, your categorical expectation of outstanding success from him, as a condition of whether you will be satisfied with him or not, this will have the opposite effect on his achievements.

Try to convey to your child the fact that you love him and are proud of him in any case, regardless of his successes or failures.

3. Family democracy.

What is important here is not such an aspect of democracy as freedom of speech and freedom of choice, but a respectful attitude towards the child’s opinion, the ability to listen to him, and take him into account.

If you want to raise your child's self-esteem, if you want him to be confident, involve him in discussing family matters. Let him contribute to decisions that are important to the family. Where to go on vacation? Which car is better to buy? Let him not just make an assumption, but also try to justify his proposal. Treat his reasoning with respect - let him feel that his opinion is important, that he is a person who is taken into account.

This will help him in school life and will directly affect his academic success.

If you treat children as meaningful and intelligent, they will surprise you with the extent to which they can be insightful and wise.

Ask your child what he thinks about this or that matter, ask for his advice - this will increase his self-esteem and self-esteem. And you will receive an impartial view from the outside and often really wise advice. Do not forget that “through the mouth of a child the truth speaks.”

4. Create “success situations.”

The more often the child will feel successful, the more he will try, and the higher his achievements in life will be.

The task of parents is to create this very “success situation” for their child.

You probably know what your baby does best. Give him tasks that he can do - but not too easy, but such that he will get a good result if he puts in a little effort. And when he succeeds, mark it with praise, pay attention to what worked best.

Board and outdoor games help with this; you can slightly give in to your child so that he wins, but not always. In some cases, he still has to lose, but only after he was in the lead almost the entire game and only lost ground at the end.

How to reduce inappropriately high self-esteem.

If it so happens that your child, like the “star boy” from the fairy tale of the same name, considers himself the center of the universe, and that the world revolves around him. If he greatly overestimates his abilities, if he is sensitive to criticism as an unacceptable manifestation of disrespect for his person, it will be oh, how difficult it will be for him at school.

Perhaps you overpraised your child, or simply avoided criticism of him. What happened happened. Now it is important to carry out corrective work aimed at lowering self-esteem to a more adequate level.

1. A gentle method of “gradual sobering up”.

Next time, after a portion of the usual praises has already poured into your child’s ears, draw his attention to those aspects of the situation that leave much to be desired. “Oh, how smart you are, you washed the dishes and dried them, thank you for that. But the fact that the whole floor is splattered is not a problem, you need to wipe it off so that the work is 5 (10).”

That is careful introduction of criticism, after praise, a child who is accustomed exclusively to positive assessments will not perceive it as a disaster. This is important to remember - since star-struck children in some cases react aggressively to criticism and can seriously harbor a grudge - we don’t need this.

2. Raising the Bar Method

A child with high self-esteem very often overestimates his capabilities due to the constant “situation of success.”

This happens when parents constantly play giveaway (just to please the child) and set too easy tasks for him. The child wins, the child quickly and easily solves the problem and, based on this experience, comes to the conclusion about his outstanding abilities. If a child at least sometimes fails to win, or if you give him a task that requires some effort from him, he will understand that not everything is so simple. It turns out that there are situations in life when, in order to achieve something, you have to work hard.

3. The "unconditional love" method

It happens that a child clings to his stellar position, that is, he deliberately does not want to adequately evaluate himself, to admit the fact that he did not succeed in something, failed. You use the “method of gradual sobering up”, the method of “raising the bar”, and the child insists that he won (and if he lost, it was only because others played dishonestly), that the task he failed at was stupid, uninteresting, and that he didn’t really want to do it.

Here the fear of “losing his crown” is evident; he is afraid to admit his imperfection. Why? Yes, because he thinks that along with his “demotion” there will also be a loss of his parents’ love.

Parents' task– convince your child that you love him in any case, with all his guts, successes, failures. That he is the best in the world for you.

And that other people are also imperfect, but they are loved. Mom can say she loves dad, even though he leaves his dirty socks everywhere. Dad will reveal the secret that Mom cooks borscht disgustingly, but out of love for her other qualities, he is ready to put up with this cute flaw.

You will see how quickly these methods will give results, how your child will change. How balanced and harmonious he will become. How to improve your relationship with him.

I really hope that this article will help you and your baby be happier and more successful. I will be glad to see questions and suggestions in the comments to the article.

Olga Klishevskaya specially for the site